POWER RANKINGS!!!

Once again, Lebron and Kobe square off in a heated matchup for the top spot on this month's Power Rankings. Who comes out on top? Read on and be enlightened...

30 (30) New Jersey Nets - Their upset of the Dead Celtics Walking aside, this desolate bunch are still on pace to finish as the worst NBA team ever...Ive spent the last five minutes trying to come up with a punchline that wouldn't seem completely redundant at this point. Couldn't do it.

29 (29) Minnesota Timberwolves - Although not historically bad, the L-Wolves were supposed to be showing growth this year and making strides towards respectability. Now their best player's suspended for a DUI and they're 1-9 over the last ten. Expectations remain insulted.


28 (22) New York Knicks - It took Tracy McGrady only one game to shake off the cobwebs and deliver an impressive performance for the Knicks...and only two days to suffer his first injury. Regardless of McGrady's long-term situation, the deal will potentially be of great benefit to New York...in July. Until then? David Lee might start going gray by mid-March.


27 (24) Indiana Pacers - Irrelevance continued to dominate the Pacers in straight sets as they failed to make a deadline deal and have bottomed-out as the second-worst team in the East. Condolances go out to Troy Murphy, who was rumored to be on the Cavs wish list, and instead will soon become the longest-tenured NBA player to never make the playoffs when Jamal Crawford's streak ends.


26 (27) Golden State Warriors - Steph Curry's late push for ROY consideration has silenced anyone who still doubted his game would translate to the NBA; he's been nicer than a Care Bear while the Warriors won a relatively impressive 30% of their games in February. Meanwhile, Andris Biedrins continues to awkwardly challenge for the all-time free-throw futility crown, currently firing a 14% clip for the season...stay tuned folks, this is thrilling stuff.


25 (28) Detroit Pistons - They rise, not because they're playing well, but because they've been slightly less putrid than in January. They're still the team doing the least with the most, and given their rather stiff financial commitments, might be the most fucked franchise in the Association going forward. Good thing there's a team option on Jonas Jerebko; and that's literally all the Pistons can be glad about right now.


24 (25) Washington Wizards - Finally detonating an overpaid, underperforming core; the Wiz are in full rebuilding mode and now have the roster you'd expect to produce their perpetually embarassing record. Andray Blatche has blown up in a starting role and their deadline moves gave them a whole boatload of cap space that they can couple with a high lottery pick to (hopefully) finally take steps in the right direction.


23 (23) Philadelphia 76ers - With Iverson out of the picture (does this surprise anyone?), Lou Williams is back on center stage with his entertaining but confusing combo-guard charade. The rest of the roster continues to confound as well, delivering consistently inconsistent performances while the ghost of Elton Brands Past continues to haunt their salary cap situation.


22 (26) Sacramento Kings - Peacing Kevin Martin remains a debatable move (moreso because of its timing than its merits), but a cost-saving, Tyreke-liberating one that places undisputed Alpha Dog status on the soon-to-be-ROY's shoulders. This isn't cause for concern as Evans appears to be a rare talent around which they can comfortably build a potential winner.


21 (20) Los Angeles Clippers - Dumping Camby's salary made sense to a team that housed the conference's best offensive and defensive centers, but still wasn't making the playoffs. It's all about next year for a team that will add a lottery pick, Flake Griffin, and has the cap space to court a big name in their seemingly eternal quest for mediocrity.


20 (17) Miami Heat - Things keep getting worse in Miami as Dwyane's health continues to falter and the likelihood of a once-sure playoff berth slips further away. Who knows what's going through Wade's head right now, but Miami's going to need plenty of reasons for him to stay this summer, having given him, ah let's see...none in the past three years.


19 (18) Houston Rockets - Obviously transitioning a new player into a lineup is difficult for any coach, but particularly so when your team plays defense first and shoots second, and the newcomer shoots first and plays defense never. Once Martin finds his footing, Houston should be better for it, but there's a very tight schedule for them to get things in line before the playoff door slams shut.


18 (15) Charlotte Bobcats - Hopefully the G.O.A.T's ownership aura will be enough to inspire the recently stumbling Bobcats to wake up. Tyrus Thomas looked to be a promising addition, but the L's have been piling up and Charlotte remains tangled in a three-way clusterfuck for the 7/8 seeds in the East. I'm sure they'll pull their act together, but another lottery trip after a season-long playoff tease would be devastating.


17 (13) Memphis Grizzlies - After a brief surge into the playoff picture, the Grizz have lurked back to the lottery for some spring hibernation. They have plenty of soft matchups in the coming weeks to rebound from their lackluster month of February, but crashing the playoff party will be harder than ever with the Blazers at (sorta) full strength and just about every West team hitting their stride.


16 (19) New Orleans Hornets - Chris Who? Clearly CP3's presence is missed but Marcus Thornton and Darren Collison are performing well enough to keep NO breathing while their point god recovers. Now the question becomes: Is it worth it for Paul to rush back when this team's clearly going to be - at best - swept by the Lakers?


15 (21) Milwaukee Bucks - Defying all odds and expectations, the Bucks have pulled into the 7 seed in the East and are 7-3 in their last ten. The addition of John Salmons adds much-needed firepower to their backcourt, forcing Brandon Jennings to shoot less (never a bad thing) and keeping the strain off their offensively-challenged front line (also not bad). They have to contend for surprise of the year, regardless if they make the playoffs or not.

14 (12) Toronto Raptors - A Chris Bosh injury set them back a few steps last week, but the return of Reggie Evans can only mean further improvement of a revamped D that's propelled the Raptors to one of the East's best records since Christmas. Demar Derozan continues to gradually fill his massive upside, solidifying a core that will have to suffice for Bosh after he was retained past last month's deadline.

13 (10) Boston Celtics - If you lose to the Nets, regardless of injury, you're in trouble. The C's are confused, wounded and looking progessively weaker as the season wears on. Rasheed Wallace's career appears to be just about roached, and their aging stars aren't staying healthy long enough for them to develop any kind of momentum. They're a couple steps behind Cleveland, Orlando, and even Atlanta right now, and are headed in the wrong direction.


12 (16) Chicago Bulls - The improbable turnaround from their early season misery was highlighted by deadline trades that rid them of a painful (albeit talented) thorn in their side, gave them productive pieces for the rest of the season, and cleared enough cap room to make a run at a max player this summer. The Bulls have continued winning and set themselves up well for the long run, which impresses a slight bit more than blowing a 35-point lead to the Kings.



11 (10) Portland Traiblazers - Apparently treading water isn't enough in the West, as Portland staved off a potential end to Brandon Roy's season, added an excellent rent-a-center, and fell two spots. They still might be hard-pressed to do anything in April (especially from the 8-seed), but at least this expiring contract's of use to them for the time being.


10 (8) San Antonio Spurs - We're used to seeing the Spurs begin streaking around this time of year, but instead they're still struggling to find their usual legs. Manu and Pretty Tony have only been sporadically at 100%, while Richard Jefferson hasn't delivered the consistent offense they were counting on. Timmy D's been their only steady performer, and as well as he's playing, it's not measuring up when the opposition looks this sharp.


9 (11) Phoenix Suns - The much-anticipated Amar'e deal failed to go down...again...for a third straight year...completing to most anti-climactic trade drama of the past decade. After extension talks led nowhere, it has to be assumed that Stoudemire won't be in a Suns uniform next year, and is more safely assumed that his season will end when April does. For the time being though, the Suns' 9-3 February left little room for criticism.


8 (14) Oklahoma City Thunder - Anyone still sleeping on Kevin Durant as a legit MVP candidate (if such a thing exists outside of Ohio this season) is kindly asked to wake the fuck up. Durant's recent streak of 25+ has helped vault the Thunder to 12 games over .500 and the thick of the West playoff race, as their young core just begins to tap into their immense potential. Years ahead of their time and already competing; alcoholism among basketball fans in Seattle must be on the rise.

7 (5) Atlanta Hawks - The Hawks had a pretty ho-hum February, winning most of the games they should've, losing most of the games they should've, and (not surprisingly) doing little at the trade deadline. As it stands, they might be the team with the best chance of keeping their marquee free agent this summer, so I'm sure the status quo suits them just fine.

6 (7) Utah Jazz - As they charge up the West standings, the Jazz are becoming a trendy sleeper pick in the West. Not to hate on a team with a deep, talented, playoff-tested core, but as I recently noted, there's a lot of uncertainty plaguing this team right now. To upend a higher seed, they'll have to play their best basketball - without their sacred homecourt - while shaking off the distractions, which might be too much to ask of a team that took two months to carve its niche in the playoff picture.

5 (3) Denver Nuggets - With no real holes in their roster, it's hard to fault the Nuggets for remaining inactive while the trade deadline passed. Concern has to be mounting Mile-High though; with Dallas and Utah's sudden emergence, Denver's no longer the clear-cut No.2 out West, meaning they might be fortunate just to see the Lakers in a rematch.

4 (4) Orlando Magic - Their recent Cleveland victory was a definite statement game, but not enough for them to call themselves the undisputed favorites in the East. Now that their backcourt's nearing full strength again (and Vince is breaking his single-digit scoring hex), they can start to build the momentum they'll need to deliver another Finals run: Not saying it's beyond them, but the team we've seen so far this year isn't the one we saw last May.

3 (6) Dallas Mavericks - I'm shedding a tear writing this, but this roster might be Dirk's best chance to win a title yet. Their deadline deal plugged two major holes (lack of defensive toughness/mid range-low post scoring) for twenty cents on the dollar, and the Mavs, largely without Caron Butler, have reeled off seven straight wins, including one over the Lakers.

2 (1) Cleveland Cavaliers - Bonus points for swiping Antawn Jamison from the Wizards' liquidation sale, but responding with three straight losses wasn't exactly the plan. The Cavs' concerns only grow now that Shaq's thumb will sideline him for 6-8 weeks, but provided he's back for their seemingly inevitable showdown with Orlando, things should be just peachy.

1 (2) Los Angeles Lakers - Back on top by default after the supporting cast held down the fort without Kobe and their bench began to show the kind of swagger that champions are made of. With Bryant back, Odom flourishing and their roster free of question marks or injuries (something that's exclusive to the Zen Garden right now), it's once again LA's crown to lose.