This Week's Water Cooler

It's Wednesday. You're deeply mired in the mid-week doldrums; work stacked above your head, too far removed from last weekend to be re-vitalized by it, not close enough to Friday to taste your freedom yet. You've got a murderous headache, it's raining harder than Dale Ellis outside, your fifth coffee just isn't doing the trick and by the boss' mood today, it's evident that things with the Mrs. haven't been at their best. It feels like you've been on the clock for many hours, and you reluctantly glance at your watch to find that it's only 9:30. Damn... As you reach for the pre-drafted resignation letter in your bottom drawer, you somehow manage to fight off every impulse in your aching body, take a deep breath, stand up and calmly stride over to that holy shrine of useless gossip, trivial ranting, and the rare token of indispensible wisdom. It's time for a break at the Water Cooler.

- While we're on the topic of beverages, it appears his daughter's ailments are far from the only tragedy plaguing the life of Allen Iverson these days. Allegations by Philadelphia-based NBA journalist Steven A Smith - a personal friend of Iverson's - point to AI being a problem alcoholic and gambler, whose life appears to be on a slippery downward slope. Iverson's responded to these developments only through his Twitter account, acknowledging that he's going through hardships (without elaborating) and thanking his fans for their support. Although I've had some very harsh words for Allen about how he's managed his legacy(I'm sure, of course, that he's read them many times and seriously taken them to heart), I can't help but feel for the guy. Iverson's had to abruptly face the cold reality that he's no longer a dominant basketball player, which has been his life for as long as he can remember. A steep fall from grace can really mess someone up, and despite (or perhaps becasue of) his reclusiveness, it's clear that things aren't A-OK for AI (alright, that was lame). All we can do is wish the best for him as he soldiers on, and hope that this intervention can stay amongst friends instead of evolving into a public meldodrama.

- Moving from something completely un-funny to something that might be slightly funny (or completely hilarious) depending on your disposition. Blazers center Ghostface Przybilla, recovering from season-ending knee surgery, managed to re-injure himself, not on the treadmill, not in rebounding drills, but by slipping the shower, just the latest in a long line of devastating blows to Portland's health this year. As unfortunate and terrible as this is, the irony of this a) happening to the Blazers and b) not happening to Greg Oden, is pure gold.

- Interesting work from my main man Frank Hughes, who sees some confusion for whichever team happens to land John Wall's services. Of all the teams with any hope of nabbing the first pick, only Indiana (and really, who wants to see Wall play there?) hasn't made deep financial or developmental commitments at the one-spot, so he might have to share a spotlight or be forced out of position. It'll be an interesting dilemma, but the lottery winners, if they are crazy enough to trade Wall's rights, should have no shortage of enticing offers. God, I hope it's the T-Wolves.

(Also in the same link, check out Frank's take on Jordan's new ownership of the Bobcats. Reailty bites.)

- Speaking of Jordan, of course he will. It's only a matter of time before they acquire Tyler Hansbrough, sign Joe Forte to replace Flip Murray, and formally apply for a move to Chapel Hill.
- Michael Finley is now a Boston Celtic, marking just the third time in NBA history that a team has suited up four players with 1000 games on the 'ol odometer. There's plenty of stances to take on the experience vs. youth debate, but the way Doc Rivers' squad's been playing these days, he's not happy about that stat.

- History was made yesterday when the Warriors announced that F/C Andris Biedrins would be missing the remainder of the season to undergo surgery on a torn abdominal muscle. Biedrins' latest injury cements his dubious honor as the worst single-season free-throw shooter the NBA has ever seen, hitting on 4 of 25 attempts for a scintillating 16% clip. Somewhere, Joakim Noah is smiling.

- On a closing note, I'll leave you with this: With the reigning champs looking very human and a number of teams seemingly ready to seize the crown, could The Larry O'Brien Trophy be more up for grabs right now than it was all last decade? Discuss.

Good luck surviving 'til the weekend everyone. Don't sleep on the Bucks. Peace.

Recognize: The All-Decade Team

So the first decade of this new millennium's almost in the books. In a couple weeks we'll be ringing in not only a new year but a new era of sorts; history tends to divide decades; identifying each by the trends that defined them. The 2000's were plagued by constraint and censorship as the NBA weathered a pair of economic meltdowns, a referee gambling debacle, and increasing tension with the Players' Union. Ten years ago we would've laughed at the notion of a league-wide dress code, welcomed a brave high-schooler into the League and assumed the Malice at the Palace had something to do with Bill Laimbeer. But there was plenty more we didn't know. We had no idea who Lebron James was, that MJ had a third run in him, or the critical importance Eagle, Colorado would come to play in Kobe's Bryant's life. We hadn't seen the Lakers' heroics, the Spurs' monotony or most of Vince Carter's Greatest Hits. Yao Ming was an indie flick at some foreign film festival, the proper spelling was DwaYne, and 'Impossible is Nothing' was a cynical thought buried deep in Kevin Garnett's subconscious. Yup, the NBA's a different place; we've seen the game go global and its players are showcasing their awesome talent on an ever-expanding audience. Which is the one of the few things that's remained about the League, and always will: the sheer brilliance of basketball's elite. So before we jump into a new decade and the change it'll bring, here's a toast to the guys who really did it proper over the past ten years; the All-Decade Team.

STARTERS
Point Guard - Steve Nash, Dallas Mavericks/Phoenix Suns
Among the many other things we didn't see coming back in 2000 was a skinny, 6-foot, soccer playing white guy from Canada winning two MVPs. Nash was the medium through which Mike D'Antoni ushered in his 7 Seconds or Less brand of entertaining basketball, and he revolutionized the one spot. His unique passing ability and lethal shooting were ideal for an offense that thrived on fast-breaking, pick and rolls and habitually itchy trigger fingers. While his defense was never World-class (or even NBA-class in some minds), his impact on the high-octane Dallas and Phoenix squads he manned this decade was undeniable, and gives him the starting nod by a hair over Jason Kidd.

Shooting Guard - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Arguably the most impressive individual in the League over the past ten years, we watched Bryant struggle with superstardom the most, but also win regular season and Finals MVP awards, annual All-Star, All-Defense and All-NBA recognition, not to mention four rings. Along the way, he re-wrote scoring records, truly meriting those inevitable and inescapable Jordan comparisons he faced for years. The 45+ streak. The 81. The countless hearts he shattered at the buzzer against all odds, over and over. Much tumult bruised his early career, but Bryant's finally found what he was looking for; he's the man on the best team in the League, and that he's ever played on. Believe his legacy won't end with this decade.

Small Forward - Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Even before he arrived on the scene, James was the man. The hype surrounding this kid was unfathomable, but despite Rider-high expectations, he managed to exceed them time after time. At a point where most high-school draftees are still gathering dust on benches, Bron was dragging Tayshaun-thin Cavs squads to deep playoff runs and making 28/7/7 seem mundane. The sad reality is that there's little he'll be able to impress us in the regular season at this point; once his playoff heroics are aptly complemented by the guys around him, he'll take his place among the game's All-Time greats. While we're just Witnessing the cusp of his greatness, what he's accomplished so far makes him a no-brainer for this spot.

Power Forward - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Timmy D's always walked softly -never the loudest or flashiest guy around- but carries a rather large proverbial stick; over the past ten years he's established himself as the greatest power forward in the game's history. His methodical dominance was a walking embodiment of James Naismith's vision; a game so textbook, so flawless, that age, injury and countless lineup changes haven't phased his brilliance. Three of four titles, two MVPs, All-Everything All-Day. Even if he bored us all through the 2000's, he's in a class by himself.

Center- Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Lakers/Miami Heat (...Phoenix Suns/Cleveland Cavaliers) In a decade that seriously contrasted the 90s' big-man dominance (making All-Stars out of Dale and Antonio Davis, Jamaal Magliore and Zydrunas Ilgauskas) Diesel's credentials easily stand out as the best among centers. Although he's spent most of the past few years buried in indifference and calories, the early 2000's Shaq was a force the League hasn't and likely won't see the likes of for some time. He re-defined unguardable, leading LA to a three-peat while feuding with Kobe and enduring a barrage of Hack-a-Shaq; basketball's version of the below-the-belt-blow. Though he was never a prolific foul shooter, O'Neal was a dominant scorer, rebounder and shot-blocker and severely underrated passer who imposed upon the post like none before.

BENCH
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Flash has managed to match Lebron's lofty career arc almost step for step, putting up retarded numbers year after year, and hauling Miami on his back for an unlikely title run in 2006.

Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets/Phoenix Suns/Dallas Mavericks

The best all-around point guard of our era, Kidd nearly copped a couple MVPs and led the Nets to two Finals appearances. His jumper and defense were scrutinized, but Kidd spent years as the L's most coveted quarterback.

Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers/Denver Nuggets/Memphis Grizzlies?

While his teams struggled to complement him with functional surroundings, Iverson was an unstoppable scorer and pesky defender who dragged Philly to the Finals in his MVP '01 season, but stands as the player who's accomplished the least team success on this squad.

Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves/Boston Celtics
KG's dominant all-around game through years of mediocrity in Minnesota cemented him a spot on this team long before his arrival in Boston finally brought a title and the completion of a Hall of Fame legacy.

Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Pierce spent years as a criminally underrated star in Boston; much like Garnett in Minny he was surrounded by talent that betrayed his champion potential, until the two joined forces and brought a 17th title to Beantown.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

As much as I hate conceding it, Dirk has to be here. He brought a new and often-imitated dimension to a 7-footer's game, winning and MVP* and leading the Mavs deep into the playoffs more often than not.

Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons (I'm ignoring the rest)

Although devoid of any offensive skill, Big Ben was the scariest mother-fucker and best defender in the League for the first half of the decade. His years as a bathtub plug in Chicago and Cleveland aside, he's a marginal choice over a dude who can hardly play 50 games a year.

All-Snub Team: Chauncey Billups, Vince Carter, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Webber, Yao Ming

Behind the Headlines

- The 76ers, down a trigger-happy point guard and in desperate need of a proverbial shot in the arm, have signed maybe the most prolific trigger-happy point guard ever; franchise icon Allen Iverson. The move ends maybe the shortest retirement in pro sports history and gives Iverson another, perhaps final, chance to right the sinking ship his legacy's riding. While he's still capable of top-notch scoring, I can only pray that AI buckles down and plays within the team; accepting that he won't be the man all the time and keep his mouth shut about it. Sure, the 76ers are going nowhere fast, but if the Answer can prove his value in a more balanced role, he could be an attractive free agent for a contender next summer and deal with the Question that's plagued him his whole career: his ringless fingers. The Philly fans are the clear winners here; their one-time savior returns to maybe once again rescue them from mediocrity, but Iverson could come out of this on top regardless of how well the Sixers do this year...or it could drive the nail in his career's coffin. The stakes are high but regardless, it's good to have him back.

- In unrelated (also unsurprising) news, Ron Artest, he of the Late-Night nudity, recently admitted to a Sporting News reporter that he used to keep Henny stashed in his locker when he played for the Bulls, and get his sip on at halftime. Apparently he had some difficulty kicking old habits, as Ron explains: "When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild...A lot of marijuana and alcohol -- even before [that age]. ... I [still] party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night." While this helps to explain some of the on-court antics we've seen from Mr. Artest over the years, it creates plenty of questions for his employer, and further skews the already distorted lens through which everyone observes him. I really don't know what to say about the guy at this point, other than it's clear he's not going to change. He's a grown man with a tormented yet goofy spirit who's been doing crazy shit in the NBA for damn near a decade. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the damage he's doing to his own image, but at least he's learned to stop doing damage to the team (...and Knicks TV equipment...and Detroit Pistons fans).

- Speaking of forwards whose lives have become running punchlines, Antoine Walker was in the news again this week. Last time we heard from the Round Mound of Ill-Advised 3's, he had tilted off nearly a million bucks at various Las Vegas casinos and bounced on the tab. Apparently 'Toine's patterned his business ventures after his gambling habits: several buildings owned by his Chicago-based realty company (which was already facing 12 incompetence-based lawsuits) have been cited by the city as a 'slum nuissance'. Respect the grind.

- Amare Stoudemire and Tyson Chandler's fans just had to know what was going down during their games last weekend, and their wallets are a little lighter thanks to new NBA rules that prohibit Tweeting during games. I don't know what's more ridiculous; that players can't focus enough on a game to leave their pretentious Twitter accounts alone for a few hours, or that League actually feels the need to regulate this kind of activity.

- And special shout-outs to the reeling Nets, whom the Lakers recently sent to a historical low: their failure to cop a W in any of their first 17 games is the worst start in NBA history. With Sacramento playing well, New Jersey is officially set to take over "Most Irrelevant Team" status once Devin Harris wins them a few games and people stop talking about them. All thirteen of you Nets fans out there, our prayers are with you.

...So What's the Answer Now?

We're talking about practice.

And not in a "I'm above this" sense, but that practice, ironically, is all Allen Iverson can do right now.

The basketball community was dealt a huge blow yesterday when one of the most popular, influential, controversial and best players of our generation, apparently left with no other options, announced his retirement. Just two years ago, he was one of the league's most prolific scorers and a perennial All-Star, but an ill-advised Joe Dumars acquisition left AI in a worst-case scenario; on a Pistons squad that had built its reputation on selflessness and team play, concepts which came to Iverson like weight loss to Glenn Robinson. He complained, resisted, called out management and spent the latter half of his tenure in Detroit on the bench with an injury he would have fought through at any other juncture in his career. His expiring contract gave him a much needed out this past July, but his value had sunk to such depths that few teams came knocking this past summer, offering him a backup role and a fraction of his accustomed salary. That he wound up in a Memphis Grizzlies uniform was telling of just how far Iverson had fallen, and laid an obvious foundation for disaster.

Everyone with half a brain knew that this situation would unravel, but even the most shrewd sceptic couldn't have seen it coming this fast. Three games into the season, Iverson's reserve role ate away so much at his pride that he forced a parting of ways with the Grizz and became a free agent. Several teams were mentioned as poential destinations but the reluctance to sign AI over the summer was only magnified by his too-brief-to-call-tumultuous time in Memphis. He thought he could contribute to a winning team, but none of them wanted him. Fuck, the Knicks didn't want him. So, painted into a corner by his own pretentiousness, Allen Iverson was forced to walk away from the NBA.

It's a tragic tale Iverson's told. Despite his incredible speed, ankle-shattering handle, smooth stroke, fearless aggression, stoic toughness, MVP award, plethora of All-Everything commendations and celebrated status as the hero of hoops-hop culture, he's never been what every basketball player wants to be: a winner. His early years in Philly were like the snobby chick at the bar turning away every guy in sight: Keith Van Horn, Derrick Coleman, Jerry Stackhouse, all failed as second fiddles while the 76ers never amounted to much. As the Leastern Conference succumbed to mediocrity, Iverson was gradually surrounded by defensive-minded players who were scoring-challenged enough to justify his 120 shots/game. Dikembe Mutombo, Aaron Mckie and Tyrone Hill weren't demanding touches, just working the glass, moving the ball and locking down the opposition; it suited The Answer just fine. As such, the 76ers were able to become worst pre-Cavs team to win the East title, and in the playoff pinnacle of Iverson's career, were bitch-slapped by the Lakers in the Finals.

So close and yet so far away, he's been trying in vain to get back there ever since. As talented a player as he was, Allen never figured out that players can win games but championships need to be won by a team. His trip to the finals was anomalous; the 76ers were perennial doormats because players who were talented enough to win titles didn't fit on teams where one player insisted on dominating the ball so much. Even when he was paired with a bonafide superstar for the first time in his career, he failed to turn the Nuggets into anything special. For all his other-worldly talent, he was never one of those transcendant players, a guy like, oh...let's say...at random... Chauncey Billups, who could put his ego behind the good of the team and create a positive impact even if he didn't get his. For years teams feared him, but now off the court, they still do.

From Allen Iverson's tone and words yesterday, you can tell how reluctantly he's doing this. The man clearly has some great basketball left in that tiny but explosive body, and for the sake of him and his legions of fans I hope we get to see it. As fitting and humbling as it is that a career marred by a me-first attitude is ending this way, anyone who loves and has influenced the game of basketball as much as AI deserves better. Only history will tell whether he's remembered as the game's greatest pound-for-pound scorer ever or a childish diva, but if there's anything left of the competitive inferno that used to fuel Iverson, this won't be the last we hear from him. He's still got time to salvage his career before his injury-ravaged body finally gives out; maybe a team will come calling.

Until then Allen, we're talking about practice. It can't hurt you now.

The Week that Was

So the bracket's been completed and, to the surprise of few, UNC reigns almighty as NCAA champs after a comfortable victory over home crowd favorites Michigan State. Known throughout the tourney as a high-octane offensive beast, the Tar Heels' defense smothered the Spartans through the first half, forcing innumerable turnovers, questionable shots and preventing any sort of rhythm that would help them appease the Detroit masses. The result was a historic blowout that cemented a dominant tournament for UNC; they won each game by a minimum of twelve points and got huge games from all their stars in a balanced effort. Well played.

- Meanwhile, back in the NBA the race for the right to lose to the Cavs/Celtics/Magic in the first round is thinning out. The Raptors gave us fans north of the border a late-season tease, peeling off six straight wins and reminding us how they could've been playing all year, but inevitably joined the Bucks, Pacers and Knicks in the Lottery as they fell from striking range of the 8th spot out East. The Bobcats continue to chase their first playoff berth, and given the way Detroit's been playing recently (what, with Will F***ing Bynum being their go-to guy in the fourth and all), they're far from safe. I knew the Pistons were going to lose a step after they traded Chauncey, but damn...

- Things are zany as usual out West; while the Suns have more or less set, the Spurs might be losing their grip on contender status now that Manu's done for the season. This leaves the door wide open for a prohibitive favorite to get murked by the Lakers in the West Final. It'll be a mad scramble from 2-7, which should provide for some great games down the final stretch as teams jockey for seeding and homecourt. Stay tuned to RaptorsTV.

- It's Green Week!! (not that it has anything to do with basketball, but because most of the Western hemisphere has been put on this giant fucking eco-guilt trip) In a further attempt to prove its corporate social responsibility, the NBA's parading its players around in recycled warmups and green jerseys, while making them appear at schools and museums to promote a cause that's been adopted by dozens of major media outlets; it's become stale. It's nice to see the league taking steps to lessen its environmental impact and raise awareness, but its seems more forced than a T-Mac jumper at this point.

- Speaking of forced jumpers, there's a lot of questions in Detroit these days surrounding the future of one Allen Iverson. Almost as many as there are cliche plays on his nickname every time his career reaches a crossroads such as it has this past month. AI's tenure in Detroit appears to have ended; he's failed to mesh with a team he was a horrible fit for from day one, been relegated to the bench for the first time in his career and been forced to the sideline by an ailment that he likely would've played through on a relevant team. He'll likely enter the free agent market this summer as a huge question mark; one who has never been able to let his game take a backseat to team dynamics and appears to have lost the fire that once drove the league's most competitive player. He's contemplated retirement as opposed to a supporting role, and given his history, it's not totally beyond him to stick by those words. If this is it for Iverson, can his status as the greatest pound-for-pound scorer ever really overshadow the truth that single trip to (and swift dismissal from) the Finals is the only significant thing an AI team has accomplished?

- Lawrence Frank made headlines for all the wrong reasons this week; the guy whose first impression with the Nets set expectations high, and whose subsequent attempts to deliver have apparently not been enough for the team's upper brass. GM Rod Thorn recently all but revealed that Frank would be let go in the offseason, ending his streak as the longest-tenured coach in the East. I can't say I blame them; Frank's done an alright job but never seemed to inspire greatness from his players or achieve anything beyond mediocre with talented players in a shitty conference.

It's gonna be a frantic week in the NBA. Stay tuned next week for Awards and Playoff previews when all the dust settles.

The Week that Was

So I've been a little lazy lately about posting anything; not that there hasn't been plenty to discuss around the League this week but I've spent almost every waking hour of the past ten days either working, drinking or gambling, leaving school and (more importantly) Basketball Banter seriously neglected. I'd like to offer sincere apologies to all three of you that read my blog; I've been irresponsible and you deserve better. With that out of the way, here's some thoughts on what's happening around the NBA:

- After the trade deadline passed without anything monumental happening, the focus now turns to free agents and recently-released veterans who can fill voids on contending teams. Boston traded in Sam Cassell and PJ Brown for Starbury and Mikki Moore, hoping their other players have gained the experience they gave up in the process. The Spurs added Drew Gooden after he was bought out by Sacramento, a move which I could see working because it's the Spurs and they find a way to work anyone into their system, even a guy who plays basketball as incoherently as my man Drew. The Cavs signed Joe Smith, who will provide the vetern savvy and solid D they'll miss while Big Ben's broken leg heals. The Lakers meanwhile, having recently dumped two rotation players for a few cans of baked beans and Adam Morrison's old wig, are nonchalantly doing nothing.

- Meanwhile, at the bottom of the standings, the race for Blake Griffin heats up as Memphis has lost 8 in a row to plummet within 3 games of the lowly Kings. Hot on their heels after losing Al Jefferson for the season are the T-Wolves, who've dropped seven straight and are making the race for last out West as compelling as the race for second. Out East, Washington continues to hold down the basement despite Toronto's best efforts. Will the Grizzlies continue to slide like the Dow Jones? Does Minnesota have enough time left to catch up with the rest of the lottery hopefuls? Can Sacramento win a single game against an Eastern opponent this year? Stay tuned folks...

- The Nuggets recently suspended Carmelo Anthony for being Carmelo Anthony; he was barred from their recent loss to Detroit after refusing to exit the pervious game during a fourth-quarter timeout. As talented as Melo is, he's gotta grow the fuck up. Dude, realize that you're a professional athlete and heavily marketed celebrity. Every little fuck up you have (and between this, the bar fight, the DUI, the "accidental" weed bust, the sucker-punch and the street gang DVD cameo, they're becoming quite numerous) is going to be scrutinized by a jaded mass media; each mishap building upon the rest and making your reputation more irreparable. You've finally got a team you can accomplish something of note with, so get your head in game, and get out of it if your coach says to.

- Detroit was able to recently end their 8-game skid, their return to respectability co-inciding with Allen Iverson's recent injury. Hate to say it but at this point I think it's going to be extremely hard for AI to win a title. His style of offense too often leaves four guys standing around, which isn't going to fly on any team competent enough to compete for a title. Really, his best-case scenario was the Sixers team he dragged to the Finals; he was their only remotely dangerous scorer so it was legit for him to jack 30 shots every game and keep the likes of Tyrone Hill and Eric Snow uninvolved. Everybody else played tough D and did all the dirty work that defined their squad...and to say they were arguably the worst Finals team ever is entirely legitimate. As incredible as Iverson's career has been, it's growing increasingly clear that he's just not a winner.

- Shaq was on fire this week, dropping 33 on the Lakers in a big-time win for the Suns (minus their two best players) after murdering the Raptors for 45 (on 20-25). His words echoed as loud as his play, ripping into Stan Van Gundy, drawing the open ire of Superman heir Dwight Howard and dropping the "RuPaul" tag on Chris Bosh. Legendary. If the League doesn't give him Player of the Month honors I'm filing a formal complaint.

- Speaking of on fire; ladies and gentlemen, Dwyane Wade. Wow. He's delivered on so many levels, providing scoring, ballhandling, distributing and All-League D to a team that wouldn't win ten games without him. In my books he's MVP-worthy but anyone trying to say he should get the award after Lebron was snubbed the past two years is a Wade-jocking hypocrite. I think the voting panel puts way too much clout in a team's final record, but in staying consistent with a system that saw the Mavs win Dirk an MVP, Wade can't really hold much contention.

- And finally, surprising nobody, Greg Oden's on the chilling list again. The often-hobbled Blazers big man will miss another week while recovering from a chipped kneecap, his latest setback suffered during a fall while attempting to board the team bus.

I'll be back in next few days with some stuff from the League and thoughts from the AUS Playoffs. Until then, peace.