Free Agency Power Rankings

So a couple weeks ago, all hell broke loose in the NBA, as the annual bonanza known as Free Agency kicked off and stuffed a massive amount of landscape-shifting into a several-day window.

In a dizzying flurry of player movement and dollar signs, franchises hit homes runs, stayed the course, confounded us, and whiffed miserably. With salaries bloating under the impeding TV cash influx, money was being spewed away like never before, but with unprecedented cap room and a very "Contend or Bust" mentality about NBA front offices, there would be plenty of risk-taking by someone either way.

What matters is how calculated those risks are, and how likely they are to improve a team. Some front offices are taking active steps, while others seem to just be spending money for the fuck of it.

The implications of the past few wekks are heavy for both franchises and players, and are scattered everywhere from dreams-come-true, to waking nightmares. Though the full stories won't play out for some time, here's a look at who's winning right now; the Free Agency Power Rankings:

Wherever Last Is. Portland Trailblazers/Damian Lillard
Shit just got real in RIP City. Six months ago, this team had an outside chance at the NBA title. Then in a single week, they lost three starters, including their best player, for nothing. Trading Nic Batum for Gerald Henderson and Noah Vonleh was a wise preemptive move that freed up money and gave them a potential prospect, but Vonleh's a long way off, and didn't show much as a rookie.

The bottom line's a devastating blow to the Blazers, to Portland, and to Lillard, who must be feeling like a bit of a sucka right now, entering his prime while locked into a difficult rebuilding project. For any star, let alone one as competitive as Dame Dash, being completely deserted like this is a rare and deflating predicament in the NBA.

340. Sacramento Kings
There's a scene in The Dark Knight where Alfred tries to allegorically decipher the Joker's addiction to senseless chaos. He surmises that some evil has no desire for personal gain; it's twisted enough to "watch the World burn" and be content.

Of course, this is in reference to a deranged comic book villain who commits random acts of mass terror, but Alfred could just as easily be talking about Vivek Ranadive, which is all you really need to know about the Kings' predicament.

267. Carmelo Anthony

Oops. That Big Apple money starting to not sit too well.

Now that the Knicks are over a year into the Phil Experience and still pitiful, the grass is starting to look far greener in other pastures. Chicago in particular would've been an awesome fit, or really anywhere that wasn't mired in a high-profile, long-term rebuilding project.

Melo now has two options: stay the course and waste what's left of your prime in the Lottery, or play the difficult, self-defacing Trade Demand Card. Neither is a great option, and Anthony can only blame himself. Unfortunately, all the millions in the World can't buy him the one ring he still hasn't come close to.

204. Dallas Mavericks
There's plenty of takes one can have on the delirious 24 hour love triangle that DeAndre Jordan just locked the Mavs and Clippers into, but when all was settled, there was one undeniable reality: Jordan won't be in Dallas next year.

You can say whatever you want about Jordan's integrity, the Clippers' tactics, Blake Griffin's mediation skills, Chandler Parsons' Twitter game, Chris Broussard's 'sources', Wesley Matthew's ankle, or the nuclear bomb Mark Cuban is about to detonate. The Mavs had Jordan - one of the NBA's best centers regardless of free-throw woes - and now they don't. And that really sucks for them.

151. Los Angeles Lakers
This franchise is just completely soulless right now.

As if they somehow felt short on manic volume-chuckers, they went out and added Lou Williams to the Kobe/Swaggy P brigade, a pure cap-space bonfire if ever there was one.

They traded for Roy Hibbert, and while a second-round pick wasn't a huge price, they're now forking over $15 mil to a guy who's an absolute lummox on offense, and might not be the best fit defensively in LA. Hibbert's an elite rim-protector, but he's also not very quick; he'll struggle to beat attackers (and there will be plenty of them with so much rancid D on the Lakers' perimeter) to spots and use his "Verticality" to his advantage.

They may not be paying Jeremy Lin and Carlos Boozer a combined $30mil+ anymore this year, but they're paying Kobe almost that much as he continues to lurk over the franchise like a creepy ex driving by slowly at 12:57 am.

The Lakers lack both talent and cohesion, and have begun the post-Jerry era in stunning irrelevancy. They fanned on free agency, and still have a coach who thinks shooting 3's is a bad idea. At least they can chase the Top-3 Lottery status that will save them from shipping a pick to Philly, and hope to pair D'Angelo Russell with another building block,

119. Rajon Rondo
He's essentially looking to bank his future on this one season, not wanting to sign long-term when his value's at an all-time low. Problem for Rondo is that he disgraced himself so badly in Dallas that nobody wanted him, so he was left to sign with quite possibly the most dysfunctional team in the NBA, where he'll be dealing with an off-kilter owner, a conflict-oriented coach, and perhaps the single most volatile star in the NBA. Sounds like exactly the right place for a fresh start.

98. Atlanta Hawks
Between losing DeMarre Carroll and dealing with the reality that their acceptance of Tiago Splitter's salary allowed the Spurs to lay an absolute gamebreaker on the rest of the NBA, the summer's gotten off to an even rockier star than last regular season.

74. Arron Afflalo
Afflalo has two reasons to be unhappy right now: 1. Even with this salary cap boom, he barely got any kind of pay spike, and 2. He now plays for the Knicks. Enjoy being an on-the-low media target and having Carmelo look you off all year.



59. Phoenix Suns
Not really sure what they're doing here, but there's no question that they're still semi-reeling from
losing Goran Dragic and Isaiah Thomas for a gumball machine and a pair of Pumas back in February. Now, they've sunk long-term bucks into an aging center to stifle the growth of Alex Len, who once seemed like The Future. After what this team did the last time they had preseason doubters, it's hard to write them off, but their gameplan seems to be going in different directions at once.

46. Brandan Wright
A textbook win/lose. Sure, he's now got a secure role on a fringe contender after being passed around the NBA like frathouse bong last season. But, dude... fire your agent. 3 years/$18 mil??
Aron Baynes got more skrill than you.

34. Indiana Pacers
Losing Hibbert is a wash for Indiana, as his plodding, inconsistent play was becoming less and less a part of what helped them win. Essentially trading centers with L.A, the Pacers then signed Jordan Hill, giving them center of similar effectiveness at a third of the cost. Adding Monta Ellis however is a huge upgrade over Rodney Stuckey; one that should offset any offensive punch lost with David West's departure.

25. Cleveland Cavaliers
Even with Tristan Thompson's increasingly-awkward lingering no-deal, this has been a win so far for Cleveland. Even though he's wildly underutilized on the Cavs, locking up Kevin Love has to feel nice after a season of widespread tension between their de facto GM and the Dude They Just Traded Andrew Wiggins For.

18. Memphis Grizzlies
Brandan Wright is a large addition for them at a great value. Locking up Marc Gasol is also massive, though there was a roughly .00015% chance he was ever leaving anyway.

12. Dwyane Wade
See, I get that Wade's an icon in Miami, and the cap increase, yadda yadda. But last year the guy missed a quarter of the season - one in which he was already slightly overpaid at $15mil - as his body continued to go the way of an NFL running back. He had one of his worst-shooting campaigns ever, and turned the ball over more, in fewer minutes, than he has this decade. Dude opted out and got a 33% raise to stay well-rested this year with the deepest team he's ever played on. And is still married to Gabrielle Union. Life's nice in South Beach.

10. Reggie Jackson
He's got his money and alpha-status in Detroit's backcourt on what might just be a Playoff team this year. Hope he's happy now.

9. Toronto Raptors

First off, Landry Fields came off the books. Immediate win.

The Raptors nailed the first signing of the Free Agency period, snaring DeMarre Carroll from the Hawks after a season in which he was subtly one of the NBA's most effective players. His ability to produce on a team whose ball movement is nowhere close to as good as Atlanta's will dictate whether his contract's a bargain or a burden, but it can't possibly go worse than some of Toronto's previous cap space blunders. He's a large upgrade over Terrence Ross' inconsistency on both sides of the ball.

Picking up Bismack Biyombo was a nice move at a good price; while he's abhorrent offensively, he's among the NBA's better paint defenders and will give the Raptors a much-needed deterrent against attackers. Cory Joseph is also a great defender (and underrated offensive player) who will help bolster this team's identity on D, after too many soft spots exposed them last season.

There's no question the Raps will miss Amir Johnson's length and hustle, but Patrick Patterson just might be ready for an increased role, and at the very least is a high-IQ guy who bangs the glass and space the floor very well. But while losing the reigning Sixth Man of the Year might seem like a deep cut, Lou Williams was an overrated chucked who ruined any semblance of team offense, complemented by defense ranging from "casual" to "absent".

The Raptors may not have taken a full step forward yet, but after a year in which their offensive punch was repeatedly betrayed by their defensive incompetence, they're at least stepping in the right direction.

8. Houston Rockets
They kept Corey Brewer at a reasonable price, signed Patrick Beverley to one of the best deals in the NBA, and won't be hit that badly by the Josh Smith departure with Motiejunas returning. Stealing the embattled Ty Lawson from the Nuggets was yet another savvy asset pillage that gives the Rockets one of the NBA's most dangerous backcourts. Morey wins again; maybe his team might someday.

7. Milwaukee Bucks

Step one was locking up Khris Middleton, one of the most subtly sought-after players on the market.
He was a vital part of what the Bucks did last year, and will provide plenty of incentive for defenses not to double down on...

Greg Monroe Baby! What a home-run signing for a team without a go-to scorer or any semblance of inside offensive presence. Moose will likely flourish in a system with more spacing than he ever had in Detroit (Michael Carter-Williams notwithstanding), no longer forced to share touches with Josh Smith and Andre Drummond.

Add him to a unit that's welcoming back Jabari Parker and will get to reach deeper into Giannis Antetokounmpo's complex toolbox, and you probably have a dark horse East contender if all breaks right.

6. "3 & D" Guys
They're the trendiest commodity in the NBA at the perfect time: gritty defenders who can cover a variety of matchups, also provide that most coveted of offensive assets: spacing. Two-way play has never been more easily quantified (and thus extrapolated to the realms of contract negotiations), so guys like the aforementioned DeMarre Carroll and Khris Middleton are getting PAID.

5. Jimmy Butler
Very seldom does turning down big guaranteed money work out for players as well as it did for Butler, who told the Bulls' cheapskate ownership to fuck off at 4 yrs/$44mil last October, then proceeded to win the NBA's Most Improved Player award. Because Jimmy Butler's either both smart or very well-represented, and also extremely good at basketball, he's also now $50 million richer than he would've been behind Door A.

4. Draymond Green
Now both has a championship, and makes over ten times as much money as he did last season. Talk about a Contract Year.


3. New Orleans Pelicans
The Pelicans may have just inked the largest contract in NBA history, but if there was a single player
in the league right now who you'd wanted secured long-term, they now have him.

Anthony Davis is going to be a destructive force of incomprehensible magnitude for the next decade. He's now given the Pelicans five of the best years of his career to build a winner around him, after a spirited run to the 8-seed. They've started by hiring a real coach (sorry Monty), and while Eric Gordon understandably exercised his gaudy $15-milly player option, they have room to grow with very little money tied up long-term and the salary cap exploding imminently.

But let's not overthink anything, this is really simple: The Brow is yours for at least the next five years. Twenty-nine teams are envious.

2. Los Angeles Clippers

The DeAndre Jordan heist was perhaps the greatest free agency coup in recent memory; cornering the
quasi-star center in his house and literally locking the team's braintrust in a room with him until he re-signed. You can crow all you want about the so-called 'ethics' of the whole thing but there's no arguing its result is absolutely massive for the Clippers.

That alone is worth a high spot on this summer's rankings, but L.A. also shored up their painfully shallow roster with the additions of Paul Pierce, Lance Stephenson, and most recently Josh Smith. Pierce will bring poise, swag, and infinitely better spacing than Matt Barnes; even in his career's twilight, he's still got it. While Stephenson and (to a lesser extent) Smith can be wild cards, both will be massive upgrades over anything the Clippers had coming off the bench last year, even if there are occasional headaches.

The Clippers beat the Spurs in an epic first-round battle with Austin Rivers as a 6th Man, which is basically to say they did it with no bench whatsoever. If Smith and Stephenson don't carelessly implode in their new roles (and they're less likely to do it under a no-bullshit coach like Doc Rivers), this roster will be a nightmare for opponents and definite contender.


1. The Dark Side of the Alamo
The Spurs always win. It's just what they do. Even when they lost in the playoffs this year, they went down in one of the greatest displays of defeat ever.

So they feel they need to level up - how do they respond? Oh you know, just by scooping the best fucking player available; a fringe MVP-type who will allow Tim Duncan to pick his spots on offense and Kawhi Leonard to blossom in the Pippen role he's best suited for (LaMarcus Aldridge, not Jimmer Fredette).

Speaking of Kawhi, they inked him and Danny Green to bargain-basement deals, while convincing David West to sign with them for the veteran's minimum; bolstering what was already one of the NBA's deepest rosters (and making Ray Allen eat his words).

They should be favored to notch another title next year, though given that the Spurs always win, that shouldn't really surprise anyone.

Banter's 2014 NBA Awards

Last night, the UConn Huskies capped off a ridiculous NCAA Tournament in fittingly historic fashion as the first 7-seed ever to be the Last Team Standing. It was their Spurs-esque 4th title in 15 years (mind-boggling when you think about the leagues of teams vying for it), and equally incredible ways for Shabazz Napier and Kevin Ollie to end, and begin, their Connecticut legacies as player and coach.

Napier put on a very convincing Kemba Walker impersonation, doing seemingly whatever he wanted and coming up with innumerable huge buckets through the Huskies' run. His post-game interview only amplified the resonance. Ollie did an outstanding job of motivating and organizing these young men; keeping their play focused and intense through a series of tough opponents who played varying styles of ball. While Napier gets to move on to a league where he'll see a share of the millions his talents generate, we can only hope the next March Madness hero won't "go to bed starving". Hopefully, the NCAA can look itself in the mirror, and see how their priorities and rules about ensuring the integrity of the collegiate experience are hypocritically defeating themselves, before the game, and its athletes, suffer further.

Back in the big leagues, the regular season's coming down to its final games, which means it's time to gear up the annual debate about who deserves each of the NBA's awards. The competition was pretty thick for most of the trophies this season; a few battles with some decisive lead changes and close outcomes. In a season that where the Impiid for Embiid movement and the critical shittiness of the Eastern Conference were Adam Silver's first burdens to carry (along with that bizarre trip of a Dunk Contest), there was still plenty to applaud, so let's get ahead of ourselves by starting things off, as usual, with the future:

Rookie of the Year - Michael Carter-Williams
Carter-Williams can, to an extent, credit Philadelphia's hyperactive pace with his gaudy numbers that led all NBA freshmen in points, rebounds, assists, and steals, and put his rookie season in the same statistical realm as Magic Johnson's.

There's still plenty about his game that needs improvement for him to hit another level - chiefly his awful shooting from outside ten feet - and at 22, he's kind of old for a rookie in today's NBA. But MCW's rangy skill set and size as a PG are huge advantages for a developing player, and his unlikely outburst made him an easy choice amid a predictably shaky rookie class.

Regards to: Victor Oladipo, Trey Burke, Tim Hardaway Jr

All-Rookie First Team: G-Michael Carter-Williams, G-Victor Oladipo, F-Giannis Antetokounmpo, F-Mason Plumlee, C-Pero Antic

Second Team: G-Trey Burke, G-Tim Hardaway Jr, F-Ben McLemore, F/C-Kelly Olynyk, C-Gorgui Dieng

Most Improved Player: DeAndre Jordan 

This award is usually the toughest to decide, not only because there are so many worthy contenders almost every season, but because of the unavoidable issue of whether a player getting more minutes due to a trade, injury, or new roster void constitutes actual "improvement".

Apologies to Anthony Davis and his sudden legions of bandwagoners, but regardless of how high his NBA stock's risen this year, he shouldn't be the MIP. The Brow's had an incredible season, no doubt, but two things work against him heavily; The first is very quantifiable: many of his per-36 averages are startlingly close to last season, indicating most strongly that he was under-appraised as a rookie, even an injured, undersized one. The second is a little more abstract, but it's pretty safely said that some of the hype around Davis has as much to do with the glimpses he's shown as what he's doing consistently, right now. The skills he flashes are so diverse, polished and casual that they promise something greater; making us forget that he's still pulling it together. The quantum leap in his game we all think we're witnessing hasn't even hit yet.

Meanwhile in L.A. DJ's undergone a complete transformation under Doc Rivers. His defensive awareness, positioning and toughness have all risen considerably. He plays with purpose on offense, able to finish without a perfect Chris Paul lob, and in the presence of a defender. As a result his numbers are up universally (both in advanced metrics and layman's stats); he's almost doubled his rebound and block averages (leading the NBA in rebounds, third in blocks) and is shooting a league-crushing .674 from the field, scoring in double-figures on the year for the first time, ranking 16th overall in Real Plus-Minus.

He hits all the criteria for this award in a big way, not only passing the eye and numbers tests, but improving organically, on a competitive team (which has to count for something), who hung tough through injuries partly because of his new level. The frightening angle is that he still has plenty of improving to do, but this season saw serious strides, for a player who - unlike Davis - didn't seem destined to unlock his potential.

Regards to: Anthony Davis, The Phoenix Suns, Lance Stephenson

Coach of the Year: Jeff Hornacek

A very strong field of worthy contenders put up a fight for the most arbitrary and results-oriented of all the NBA's awards, but ultimately whether Phoenix makes the Playoffs or not, too much went right for them this season.

Think back to November; this team was supposed to be playing for ping-pong balls, perhaps the worst in the West on paper. Hornacek was a stereotype of potential coaching failure; a first-year HC, hired by a franchise he used to star for, and a total rebuild facing his roster, with plenty of new faces and no identity.

Only instead, he pulled a literal Cinderella Story, turning pumpkins into stagecoaches, and his Replacements roster into a serious threat, running an imaginatively deadly four-out offensive scheme. He spaced the floor beautifully and took advantage of his shooting bigs, with their ability to move on D allowing them to "small ball" like few other squads.

Once teams realized Phoenix was for real and began game-planning for them, their second-best player conveniently got injured for three months, and the Suns still stayed competitive in the ultra-tough West. Bledsoe's injury is the only thing keeping him from joining three teammates (Miles Plumlee, Goran Dragic, Gerald Green) in the Most Improved Player race, and a fourth (Markieff Morris) who's sure to get some Sixth Man love.

Every player in the Suns' rotation (with the exception of Channing Frye; their elder statesman who missed last season with a heart condition) is having a career year, and that kind of dramatic, consistent improvement is indicative of a coach who not only connects with players very well, but is good at developing skills, and smart enough to employ them optimally on the court. Hornacek's done all that this season which, remember, is only his first. Get Horny.

Regards to: Gregg Popovich, Tom Thibodeau, Terry Stotts

Sixth Man of the Year: Taj Gibson

It seems ridiculous that he's somehow still eligible for this award (what with all the cost-cutting in Chicago and Carlos Boozer not having been amnestied), but in a season where scrappy defensive effectiveness defined the Bulls, Gibson's impact has been huge.

His diverse, disruptive athleticism was invaluable to the Bulls' stalwart D, and averaging an impressive 13ppg off the bench for the NBA's most offensively-challenged team. Those of you who checked out the Real Plus-Minus link above know that Gibson's rated higher overall than Russell Westbrook, James Harden, Blake Griffin, Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard.

The race between Gibson and stone-etched contender Manu Ginobili is very close, but Taj logs 126% of Manu's minutes every night, and hasn't missed a game all year. The Spurs were the epitome of balance and chemistry this season (Spoiler Alert: the NBA's best record has nobody on my All-NBA Teams this year). The Bulls had absolutely no business being this competitive this year, and Gibson's one of the two biggest contributors (leading us to...)

Regards to: Manu Ginobili, Anderson Varejao, Jamal Crawford

Defensive Player of the Year: Joakim Noah
"The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot". - Bill Russell


A small part of me is doing this because I gave Noah this award last year, and now he's belatedly getting hype and credit across the league because of the Bulls' unexpected success. A much larger part of me believes his intensity - either deeply irritating or endearing depending on who you're rooting for - has only become more valuable as he's matured and improved his awareness, making him that much more deserving.

He's a truly unique player; a mental game master who not only plays with a high IQ but knows how to get under opponents' skin painfully well, housed by a long, athletic and quick body, fueled by an F-1 engine on overdrive. Nobody in the NBA does more to constantly disrupt the flow of an opponent's offense in a variety of ways. He can body big centers, move with smaller ones, cover help in the air or on the dribble (and switch back faster than just about anyone), and even step onto the perimeter, contest shots and slow down bigger slashers. He's everywhere.

It's an all-around nightmare of a defensive presence; one that constantly looms: "I'm going to make your life hell for 35 minutes tonight. You're going to be very annoyed no matter what you do. Be afraid". And he's good enough to instill that fear.

Regards to: Roy Hibbert, Patrick Beverley, Serge Ibaka

All-D First Team: G-Chris Paul, G-Patrick Beverley, F-Serge Ibaka, F-Anthony Davis, C-Joakim Noah 

Second Team: G-Kyle Lowry, G-Mike Conley, F-Kawhi Leonard, F-LeBron James, C-Roy Hibbert


Most Valuable Player: Kevin Durant
The King is Dead! Or at least his death-grip on the MVP trophy has been thawed.

LeBron didn't exactly lose the MVP race this year; he played at absurdly efficient, superb levels for a team that almost took for granted his ability to "do everything", relying on him more and more, especially in Dwyane Wade's absence. He put up a valiant defense.

There was just no denying Durant this season. Not with the NBA Jam numbers he put up redundantly, and the way he lifted OKC from preseason doubts, through two Russell Westbrook injuries, to a strong Playoff footing. Again, in the West. It's been said a million times but bears repeating; the gap in depth between the two Conferences was immeasurable this year, and made being elite that much harder, making Durant's Man On Fire act that much more impressive.

LeBron could be the best NBA player ever, but square in his prime, he wasn't the best NBA player this season.

Regards to: LeBron James, Blake Griffin, Joakim Noah

All-NBA First Team: G-Chris Paul, G-Stephen Curry, F- LeBron James, F- Kevin Durant, C- Joakim Noah

Second Team: G-Goran Dragic, G-James Harden, F-Blake Griffin, F-LaMarcus Aldridge, C-Dwight Howard

Third Team: G-John Wall, G-Kyle Lowry, F-Dirk Nowitzki, F-Kevin Love, C-Al Jefferson

Banter's 2013 UnOfficial Awards

While the NBA does a reasonable job of handing out awards that honor players who've stood out in the regular season, the limited scope of six trophies leaves many deserving and shunned without recognition.

Though it many not be much consolation, those who've excelled in categories not recognized by the League ballots - but still made a memorable impression on this season, for better and worse - are getting their dues here, with Banter's UnOfficial Awards for 2013...

Bobby Boucher Trophy: James Harden, Houston Rockets

The player whose acquisition to a new team created the greatest positive impact.

Prior to last summer, Houston GM Darryl Morey had spent several well-chronicled seasons stockpiling middling tradeable assets in an attempt to land a premiere player; one capable of building a team around. He loaded his stash steadily, patiently waiting for the right opportunity. After factors of varying legitimacy thwarted his attempts to land Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol, it should have surprised no one that the guy leading the "Nerdy GM" Revolution had triggered a deal with fellow chief-geek Sam Presti to land James Harden before the rest of the NBA had any idea Harden was available.

What also came as little surprise was Harden's immediate explosion in a larger role, but within Houston's high-octane, shoot-first-ask-questions-later offense, his athletic combination of playmaking and versatile scoring was a perfect fit for a dominant ball-handler, and The Beard became even more Fearsome than before. Largely as a result, Houston's in the Playoffs (highly unlikely pre-trade), and Harden has given them what they've worked years for: a legitimate star.

Regards to: JR Smith, OJ Mayo, Nikola Vucevic

Simmons BeautyRest Award: Stephen Curry, Golden State Warriors

The player who had an exceptional season and was generally slept on very hard by the NBA community.

When posterity reflects upon the 2012-13 NBA Season, or the career of one Stephen Curry, there's going to be a glaring historical injustice concerning his absence on this season's West All-Star team. Certainly, this was some kind of miscount, or perhaps a covertly-coordinated attempt by all the opposing coaches he'd shredded to rob a "fringe All-Star"; certainly they hadn't all forgotten.

While praise and an All-Star jersey were heaped upon David Lee, Curry continued performing at an excellent level, exponentially more important to Golden State's offense than Lee, and (rebounding aside) a noticeably better defender. In his first season as the Warriors' backcourt lead, he made short debate of the decision to keep him and trade Monta Ellis. He stayed healthy and elevated his game while Andrew Bogut did neither, taking his team to the Playoffs, where few had slotted them.

That he wasn't an All-Star is a testament to ignorance. That he likely won't be All-NBA is a testament to the quality of guards in today's game. Regardless, his impact this season can't be completely swept under the rug.

Regards to: Kenneth Faried, Mike Conley, JJ Hickson

Canibus Award: Michael Beasley, Phoenix Suns

The player who was primed to blow up this season, had plenty of opportunity, and didn't amount to much.

Watching Mike Beasley play basketball is one of the most genuinely frustrating experiences known to fans of the game. Equipped with a rare blend of pure power and raw athleticism, he also possesses an outstanding offensive skill set and the ability to swing between forward spots, which all put together is a seemingly foolproof recipe for NBA success.

The words "seemingly" and "foolproof" are of particular importance in this case, as Beasley regularly defies convention with his selfish, disconnected play, and general lack of acknowledgement that preventing the other team from scoring helps win games. Even with a change of scenery - going from Minnesota's suddenly expectation-filled snowy abyss to a rebuilding desert oasis where he would have plenty of room to make a name for himself - he continued to tease with the occasional glimpse of dominance, while mainly lapsing listlessly through a forgettable season that's beginning to define a forgettable career.

Regards to: DeMarcus Cousins, Javale McGee, Kyle Lowry

Kevin Willis Memorial Award: Derek Fisher, Oklahoma City Thunder

The player who demonstrates outstanding devotion to the game, defying most laws of common sense and physics with an utter refusal to retire.

I'm not really sure why Derek Fisher's still playing basketball professionally; he's made a ton of money, won more championships than 99.9% of players who will ever suit up in the NBA, and must sincerely value time with his loved ones after his daughter overcame a rare life- threatening illness (Fisher confirmed as much when he made Dallas waive him so he could re-sign with the Thunder and be with his family in OKC).

At this point I've concluded either one of two things: a) Fisher sincerely loves the game, or b) Fisher sincerely feels bad enough about the way the lockout went that he's willing to martyr himself as an easy match-up for the players he helped squander many millions on behalf of.

Either way, he's living embodiment of what this award's all about.

Regards to: Kurt Thomas, Grant Hill, Jason Kidd, 

Energizer Bunny Award: Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder

The player who just keeps going, and going, and going, and going, and going, and going, and going...

If Westbrook weren't so emotionally volatile, it wouldn't be too crazy at this point to think he was some sort of secretly-developed cyborg.

Not only is he unbelievably stubborn, as though he were programmed with just one gear, but that gear is one of hyper-aggression; an overdrive that fuels a perpetual rage of insanely athletic energy that never takes a single play off and seems to escape normal human physical implications.

See, Westbrook not only goes all-out every possession, playing as though his life depended on it, but his body shows absolutely no signs of the strain and injury such extreme intensity usually leaves. Not only did he get through this season without missing a single game, but he's done the same each of his five years in the NBA, and apparently ever since high school. Westy's ability to keep himself on the court and involved in every play is truly without equal.

Regards to: Kobe Bryant, Kenneth Faried, LeBron James

Ham of the Year: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors 

The player who insulted expectations, his paycheck, and the game of basketball the most through continued dubiousness and a general resemblance to a roasted slab of meat.

Quite seldom does a player fall into a serious regression as he's entering the ostensible prime of his career without suffering a debilitating injury, but consider Bargnani the exception. He impeded any progress the Raptors had hoped to make this season by casually drifting through possessions while his albatross contract ate up cap space and potential trades like they were Molly caps at a Young Money release party.

Though Bargs has been dealing with nagging minor ailments, his lack of improvement and constant nonchalant aura since inking his big deal suggest he's more likely getting rich and lazy than the victim of a Greg Oden(/Andrew Bynum?)-style bodily flaw.

A prime amnesty candidate, Bargnani flashed the skill set to be a truly effective stretch 4, and the rare Euro big man to actually pan out, but now being paid like a star, he's fallen flatter than a Shaq free-throw for a team who took him first overall, hired his Italian manager to help acclimate him, gave him $50 million, and is now left shaking their heads.

Regards to: Pau Gasol, Kendrick Perkins, Ben Gordon

JR Rider Award: DeAndre Jordan on Brandon Knight

The season's best dunk.

We've seen it enough times. All you need to do is look at the photo to the right, and you know something devastating just happened.

Hindenburg Award: LA Lakers

Given to the NBA's biggest disaster.

It seems kind of unfair and redundant, but it can't be understated just how catastrophic this season was for the Lakers. Back in November, they were on the brink of hiring the best coach in the history of the NBA to remedy their maligned cast of Hall-of-Famers, but since courting - then abruptly dumping - him, have seen theatrics, nonchalance, lack of depth and injuries destroy their hopes of contending, punctuated a heinously ironic injury to Kobe Bryant, and mass uncertainty about the team's future. Rest in Peace, Dr Buss. Know how sincerely I say you're in a better place now.

Regards to: Philadelphia 76ers, Toronto Raptors, Sacramento Kings

Christopher Wallace Award: Andrew Bynum, Philadelphia 76ers

The player whose team was most hurt by his absence this season.

In a season where many-a-star seemed to be weathering some kind of injury, none of their franchise's seasons were as heavily weighted upon Bynum's full convalescence and the 76ers'. The perennially injured star center had a team of shooter and athletic swing players built around him, counting on his knee rehab to work their way.

Of course, Bynum seriously aggravated the injury in a much-hyped trip to his local bowling alley, shelving himself for the rest of the season in the process, and leaving Philly's roster up shit's creek, with only Jrue Holiday as a paddle. Without their new franchise player, the 76ers were rudderless and uninspiring, gradually dissolving as the season went along, and driving a steady veteran coach like Doug Collins - one noted for his growth of young talent (including a certain standout swingman during the late 80's) - to melt down and lash out at his team in a post-game presser, and eventually walk out on $4.5 million to lead them again next year.

While the Sixers wait on lottery balls and clean out their lockers earlier than anyone expected when Bynum donned their threads, at least they have the comfort of knowing they didn't give up any quality big men who could've served as insurance if he went down. Oh, wait...

Regards to: The Los Angeles Lakers, Kevin Love, Derrick Rose

What You Missed at Home: Live @ Game 2 in Memphis

Saturday, April 27, 2012; ~2pm - I'm settling into what, for me, is an ideal day: plenty of kush, plenty of good food, two screens of poker tournaments, and (more importantly) a third one showcasing the first day of something I've spent months expecting to miss, and a few beyond that waiting for: The NBA Playoffs.

While I couldn't possibly ask for more without feeling a bit greedy, my good friend (and fellow basketball junkie) Alex Livingston and I were about to sweeten the pot by talking ourselves into going to a playoff game. We struck up a conversation, mused about which series would be the most compelling, and not an hour later, we were booked for an adventure down to Memphis for Game 2. My first live playoff game: Dream about it for 20 years; make it a reality in 20 minutes. Why not?

Now, being the financially irresponsible NBA addict that I am, I thought it was perfectly normal and reasonable to travel 2400 miles on a complete impulse to watch a single playoff game, but judging from the number of crooked looks I got from people inquiring why I was in town, apparently I'm wrong. Oh well.

Rather than base our trip out of Tennessee, we thought it would be neat to check out nearby Tunica, Mississippi: Just a half hour outside of Memphis, it was Vegas on the Bayou, allegedly boasting some of the best conditions for us avid poker players; a fun atmosphere, very soft games and generous gratuities. Then we actually arrived, found out that Tunica's about as fun as a lobotomy, and the geographic visual equivalent of drying paint. I was unimpressed by the game selection, underwhelmed by a five-star steakhouse for the first time in my life, and, in the climax, spent two hours wandering on the side of the highway under scorching sun (you should see my sexy beater tan) in an effort to find a drug store and replace the moisturizer and shaving cream that TSA stole from me. "Why didn't you call a cab?" you might ask? Oh, because for some reason, in a senior-filled tourist trap where nothing except the next casino/hotel is within walking distance, there are no cabs. Not one. Incredible. This would have been problematic for our planned night of drinking, only there were no bars either. Within 20 hours of arriving, we called an audible, booked a new hotel in Memphis, and arranged to fly out two days earlier rather than prolong our misery. Basically, if you're ever planning on going to Tunica, don't.

We arrived in Memphis a few hours before tipoff, got settled in our new digs, and went to explore the vibrant downtown district. For the uneducated, Memphis boasts itself as the home of Blues music, and represents very well. Beale St; the one directly outside of FedEx Forum; is a southern-themed George St; complete with  awesome BBQ, a litany of live music, and people openly drinking copious amounts of beer in the street, not to mention the bars that line both sides of it. Well, when in Rome... After some pulled pork at B.B. King's, some body shots at Coyote Ugly (ya, that Coyote Ugly), and enough beer to give the Duff Man a rough morning, we rolled over to the game. (Might be worth noting at this point that between our booking and arrival, Memphis had suffered the worst 4th quarter collapse in NBA playoff history; so people were drunkenly carrying around a very volatile combination of anxiety and ambition that made us both fear for our lives if the Grizz were to lose again).

By the time we got to our seats, I was buzzing fairly hard, and things hadn't even gotten that aggressive yet. So I stole a move from Grantland's Rembert Browne, and jotted down notes on my phone to recall the evening's memorable moments, when my memory for specific details was sure to be at its worst:

"WhiteOut!!!": We rolled into the arena an hour before tipoff (I wasn't about to half-ass this), and were immediately blinded by the white and yellow combo of "Believe" t-shirts and towels draped over every one of the arena's 18, 119 seats (man, would that job SUCK). It looked pretty cool, but the effect was only amplified as those seats were gradually filled with bellowing fans (and every last one of them was, or at least so says nba.com), wearing the shirts with pride and waving the towels like they were crazed football fans in Pïttsburgh. You see it on TV all the time, but to the naked eye, it's much more profound. Those who chose not to adorn the tees were exposed on the jumbotron, offered shirts by arena staff, and loudly chastised by the crowd until they put one on. #Awesome (peep the photo above)

"Dave": After about half an hour, our section started to fill out; we were joined in the seats on our left by Dave; a pretty cool guy (even after conversing with us at length and not introducing us to his probably-too-hot-for-him girlfriend), who despite his admitted lack of in-depth knowledge, was as enthusiastic a couch-mate as you could ask for. To our right was another couple, one who didn't speak to us all game after Alex offered the (snobby) girl a sincere apology for accidentally snaring her towel. In front of us was a family of four, who were clearly dragged there by the father, an evident hoop-head. More on that in a second...

"beat LA! beat LA!": The pregame was an absolute perfect storm of NBA enthusiasm: a bunch of overly-intoxicated fans losing it for an upstart team that had left them yearning for years, suddenly gotten very good, and more recently, suffered a historic collapse that left them bloodthirsty for revenge. "Beat LA!! Beat LA!!" rang out so loud you couldn't hear yourself think as fans rendered their seats obsolete (if you were "sitting" in the lower bowl, at any given point during most the game, you were likely watching the guy in front of you wave a towel) and erased any regret I might've had about passing up the OKC fans in their favor.

"CP3 isn't human": Seeing Chris Paul play live has been on my Bucket List for several years now, and he still managed to insult my expectations - in a very good way. Watching this relative midget dominate the biggest athletes in the World with more precision and poise than I can put into words is one of those things you just have to see for real; TV just doesn't do it justice. He's no taller than six feet (I've stood right behind him in line at McDonalds and can tell you this very confidently), and yet so far above everyone else.

"Vinnys clueless": Paul's brilliance is starkly contrasted by his coach; watching Vinny Del Negro in person is almost as fascinating, because you get to see all the things that go on off-camera: his puzzled expressions, his overly-animated gestures at awkward moments, his players completely ignoring him. He was the recurring comic relief throughout the game.

"Rudy Gay bad pass reaction": Early in the first quarter, Rudy Gay is streaking along the left wing on the break, anticipating a pass that Mike Conley sends several feet in front of him and clean into the first row. Gay freezes dead in his tracks, holding the triple-threat position for several seconds, while looking over at Conley in disbelief.

"Sager Sighting!!", "Jerry the King": As I know TNT is broadcasting, I've spent a good amount of time playing a slightly easier game of Where's Waldo; trying to find a man wearing the ugliest suit in America amid a sea of white shirts. I spot him chasing down Vinny D for the standard "end-of-first-visiting-coach" interview (rocking something that Brick Tamland would've put together on an off day), and for just a few seconds, wish I was at home, so I could hear this meeting of minds. Of course, as I'm thinking this, the jumbotron zooms in on a conveniently-placed Clippers fan courtside. He's acting very boisterous and drawing the ire of the crowd, when, out of nowhere, appears Memphis native and wrestling legend Jerry "The King" Lawler - rocking a crown and custom "King" Grizzlies jersey - who confronts the fan WWF-style, before locking him in a tombstone piledriver - sending the crowd into complete pandemonium - and putting him down for the count. Standing O. Never mind, I'm glad I'm here.

"Dad n son in front of us": By the second quarter, I've noticed my view of the game has been slightly less obstructed than most in this standing-room-only arena. This is because in front of me is the younger son of the family of four. He's the only one not enjoying himself; in his seat, his entire body from the eyes down stuffed into his 'Believe' tee, watching the game on the jumbotron, clearly caring about as much as he must've in math class earlier that day. The father, to his right, looks down upon him and scorns "...You're watching this on the big screen??", shooting him a look that's half "I paid $230 for these tickets" and half "Who the fuck is this kid that clearly got swapped for mine at the hospital?". I can only hope my children don't turn out that way.

"Gasol passing", "Blake shot selection", "Tony Allen jumper": One of the better parts of watching a game live is letting it speak for itself; you get to focus on it rather than be distracted by shifting cameras, dumb announcers, and all the other shit going on. Some things that I found don't get talked about enough on TV: For all the praise his brother gets, Marc Gasol is a really, really good passer. Not only that, he's extremely versatile; delivering an array of bounce, chest, and outlet passes, out of double teams on the low block, from the elbow, and in transition. So many hockey assists. He out Vlades Vlade.

Blake Griffin's shot selection is, well, interesting. I still can't wrap my head around it because it seems like so many of his attempts are careless forces, but he also holds an ability to control and contort his body midair beyond that of anyone his size, and he hits a decent amount of them. But still, sometimes you're just left shaking your head like "Chris didn't want the possession to end that way" or "If their coach wasn't completely useless he'd instill some discipline and find a way to combine that aggressive athleticism with the best point guard alive and get him better looks".

Tony Allen....Well, as someone on Twitter so kindly put it once; "At 3am, in a dimly lit bar, Tony Allen's jumper would still leave alone". Why Lionel Hollins hasn't tried shock therapy or something at this point is beyond me.

"Horrible reffing & fans not booing jumbotron": Kenny Mauer; I describe him pre-game to Alex as "tech-happy and not the best". By the second quarter, he's already blatantly fucked up three calls - right in front of him and us - unleashing a flood of boos from FedEx Forum's faithful as his mistakes are replayed on the 'tron. I'd normally take this with a grain of salt, but also on no fewer than three occasions so far, the big screen's replayed close calls that went to the Clippers, and not a peep from anyone. Maybe they're not that drunk yet. The next morning, I tried to compliment Mr. Mauer when I was behind him in line at the airport newsstand, only to discover that it wasn't actually him, and awkwardly walk away (right, like anyone else who's not European and in their 50s wears their hair like that).

"Ibaka, Jordan": I've spent far too long making faulty comparisons between Serge Ibaka and DeAndre Jordan offensively. I can't lie to myself anymore. After watching Ibaka absolutely devour Dallas on an impressive array of double-team sneaks, offensive glass putbacks, and even a few of his own moves to the hoop a few nights prior, I had hoped Jordan would come even close to measuring up, but was majorly let down. Somebody needs to convince Donald Sterling to hire The Dream to work with this kid over the summer, because he's an absolute monster of a human being, who could be Chris Paul's next version of Tyson Chandler if he had the slightest idea how to finish after taking contact, or even with a defender in his general vicinity. Vinny D's sure as hell not showing him how. As Jordan takes a weak foul and splits at the line, Vinny and CP3 meet at half; Chris does most of the talking. Vinny looks confused.

"Sirius": If the satellite radio station is what immediately came to mind, please stop reading this. If you're familiar with the goosebump-inducing Allan Parsons Project anthem that's become synonymous with NBA playoff drama since MJ made it famous, then you need no explanation as to why nothing in the World could get me more excited for the fourth quarter of a close game than a bunch of people screaming deafeningly loud over this song.

"Vinny, Blake inbounds play": The climax of Vinny's wayward night comes during a crucial inbounds play where Memphis is (predictably) running a pick-and-pop for Gasol to operate in the high post. I can clearly remember thinking to myself "If they score here, it' over". Vinny's halfway on the court, near foul line extended, screaming for Blake Griffin (remember, this is Blake Griffin, not Tyson Chandler, or even Taj Gibson) to hedge closer to the screen. Blake doesn't move, doesn't even acknowledge his coach, then rises above everyone to intercept the inbound pass.

"Juice = Huge": The one regret I have from this trip (aside from ever setting foot in Tunica) is not making the wisest $20 purchase of my life on a 'Juice is My Homeboy' OJ Mayo tee, and rocking it with pride as he proceeded to throw dirt on the grave the Clippers dug for themselves with a careless attitude towards passing and defensive rebounding. Wouldn't have guessed he'd be the killer down the stretch, but tonight he was in Michael Myers mode. Vinny certainly looks very frightened.

"Z-Bo trans steal = play of game": Something I'd have much more reluctantly guessed would be that a Zach Randolph transition steal to step on the Clippers' neck would be the play of a game in which he shared the court with Blake Griffin, but as soon as it happens, Alex and I both nod assent: that was it. By the time Blake finally throws one down, it's too little too late, but damn...Is it ever still a sight.

"Vinny game over, clipboard": With the game out of hand on its final possession, and Mike Conley playing out the motions at the line, Vinny D is suddenly trying on his best "coach deep in thought" act, thoughtfully exchanging glances between his clipboard, the scoreboard, and his white-flag-waving players after a night of frantic confusion and challenged authority. It was nice of him to provide us with one last laugh, even if he couldn't help CP3 guide them into an overtime thriller for us.

I awoke the next morning in the Memphis Comfort Inn, still clad in my 'Believe' tee with my new Grizz fitted shielding my eyes from light that would surely hurt like fuck. It was a pretty nasty hangover; we joined in the post-game victory celebrations (thankfully we avoided a similar outcome to Game 1, and the ensuing post-game riot) as they spilled out onto Beale St and beyond, finally getting a ride back to our hotel from Ashley, a sweetheart (and not hard on the eyes) bartender who we befriended out of mutual frustration with a drunk homeless guy who crashed our patio table. But that's a story for another day; it was time to go back to Canada, and sadly leave this explosion of NBA playoff excitement behind me.

At least I wasn't going back to Tunica.

PED Watch '12: The Early MIP Candidates

Last year was an exciting one for the Most Improved Player race; a bunch of young guys primed for blow-up seasons delivered on their immense promise and made for a wide-open contest before Kevin Love went all Vince in Oakland while hardly leaving the floor.

This season, PED Watch is back for another thrilling drive to the MIP in what might be the perfect year for widespread outbreaks. Everything about this 66-game clusterfuck lends itself to young guys with upside getting opportunity: veterans being out of shape from the long offseason (and expected no-season), fresher legs having more energy every night, more injuries, more lineup changes, and the added X-factor that only 3 of 30 NBA teams are definitely not in dice-rolling mode. Ya, things have been pretty hectic so far, but who's stood out among the rest? Here's some love for the guys who really spent the extra down time last year puttin' in work:

Kyle Lowry, Houston Rockets - The Rockets had a pretty awful year due to some bullshit out of their own control, from sources both indirect (the Chinese government) and very direct (David Stern), that collectively crippled this otherwise well-managed team. When the transaction they'd spent years saving for was corruptly denied, Houston had little to smile about. Then Lowry came out guns-a-blazin', doing his best Kevin Johnson impersonation and leading the Rockets attack with a poise that put an already-stacked class of NBA PG's on notice. Had he kept up his early pace, this column may not have been worth writing, but despite a recent shooting gaffe (a 9 game stretch where he went 30-99), he remains the strongest contender.

Ryan Anderson, Orlando Magic - As if Otis Smith didn't already look stupid enough for signing Rashard Lewis, but he's managed to cushion the insult to his own injury by unearthing a guy who does everything Lewis did for them (arguably better) at a zillionth of the cost. While even Anderson hasn't been immune to the recent plague of disconnect on an injured and obviously distracted Magic squad, he's having a career year, offering a unique combination of tough, versatile defense from the 4 with deadly 3-point shooting. Pat Garrity must be proud.

Greg Monroe, Detroit Pistons - Having NBA League Pass is awesome for any number of reasons, most of all the ability to see teams that never get any burn on TV. It's great being able to watch the young, exciting Wolves come of age, the under-repped Pacers prove their threat, or the clueless Wizards just try not to kill each other. There's one team that I can find no time for: Detroit. Because they're a fucking quagmire of everything that's wrong with the NBA these days: horrible contracts, maligned talent, no identity, untimely stagnation, awful coaching, and the lack of balls to fire the guy with deep franchise roots whose front office savvy expired quicker than a Radio Shack warranty. It's a shame because Greg Monroe's just an absolute beast who's going to be a perennial All-Star once Dwight changes conferences and/or he gets the hell out of Detroit.

Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves - Playing the game with an aggressiveness that matches his Russian gangster/kodiak bear stature, Pekovic has blossomed in his newfound starting role as Kevin Love's bash brother and Ricky Rubio's low-post muse. Apparently thriving under the tutelage of 80's great and Wolves assistant Jack Sikma, the fans in Minny have been treated to Peko's re-defined court awareness, and improved footwork and finishing (there's been a lot more Godfather music echoing through the Target Center lately), as well as a sense of primacy: he's playing like he knows he's a force, and making Love's responsibility to dominate that much easier. Looks like another blown shot for Darko.

Paul George, Indiana Pacers - While it's hard to really blow up on a team as well-balanced and mundane as the Pacers, George has done his best to make his name ring out. His surgical long-range trigger's given him the confidence to exploit less athletic defenders off the dribble, and while his finishing in traffic and mid-range decision making aren't always as smooth as his perimeter game (including on D), he's shown many flashes of greatness this year and will only get better with more, well, as the rappers call it, "swag".

DeAndre Jordan, Los Angeles Clippers - There's a valid but finite argument to made about a guy's candidacy for this award when his numbers are up across the board and he's second in the League in blocks and FG%. Jordan's improvement this season goes far beyond the numbers and delves into his role as the backbone of, let's call a spade a spade, an awful defensive unit. Sure, Chris Paul's as good an on-the-ball defender as you'll find in the backcourt, but behind him? Mo Williams plays defense like Lebron plays 4th quarters. Caron Butler's clearly lost the quickness that made him so effective on D and appears to have gone the way of Metta World Peace. Chauncey was already a step slow and now isn't stepping at all. And Blake? Serious case of Defense ADHD. Jordan's gotta force himself into the role of Tyson Chandler as a 3rd-year player, on a woeful defensive team facing the greatest expectations and hype, with Vinny Del Negro as his coach. And he's doing a pretty good job so far.

I'd also like to add an honorary nomination for the entire Philadelphia 76ers roster; although I can't find the gumption to nominate a single player (what, is Spencer Hawes finally growing a pair really that impressive?), they're vastly improved as a unit and playing above the sum of their parts by such a wide margin over anyone that it needs its own footnote. They made no significant roster changes, just gave a good coach another season to continue developing their young talent, worked hard on their games, and made the adjustments they needed to win together. They embody everything this award does, and that they've done it as an entire team makes it all the more impressive.

A few names you might've expected to see here that got the slash; Andrea Bargnani (because he was almost playing above Raptor status, God had to smite him), James Harden (as well as he's playing he kinda crashed his own MIP party too hard last spring), Jeff Teague (ditto), Jeremy Lin (because one week's not enough, even though I'm sure the Knicks' backcourt sucks enough for him to keep stylin' on 'em), and DeMarcus Cousins (when you spend an entire year hearing "oh, he's worth the headaches" you kinda just expect him to play well).

That's all for PED Watch '12. I'll be back in a few days to take some time off the poker grind and drop a live game blog (haven't figured out which one yet). I've been meaning to do one for awhile, just gets kinda overwhelming balancing several tournaments with the quad-game view on League Pass Broadband (#seizures). Anyways, til then, peace.