NBA Bubble Power Rankings Part I: The Losers

Well. That was a journey. 

The NBA pulled off a miraculous feat of planning, regulation and social construction, stuffing most of the league into a self-contained bubble, in Florida of all places. 

While the United States went to complete and utter shit all around them, the bubble stayed strong, finishing the season and giving us closure to the weirdest NBA campaign ever.

Trying to recap the past few months in a brief, clean little piece is pretty damn difficult. We've seen so much - both in the NBA bubble and the calamity of the outside world - that a concise summary hardly does it justice. Compound that with the general disorienting haziness that 2020 has shrouded us all in, and it becomes near-impossible.

Instead, I'm delving into a complete breakdown of the bubble's key entities with the NBA Bubble Power Rankings. The higher the number, the worse the ranking. 

We'll be doing this in three parts: The Losers, The Middle Class, and the Best of the Bubble. As with many things in life, you've gotta get the bad out of the way before enjoying the good:

Last Place: Racist cops

We need to start here. 

The issue of justice and social equality for people of color was constant throughout the NBA's rebirthed season. 

From jersey messages, to billboards and broadcast graphics, ads, interviews, shoes, masks, and literally anywhere physically possible to get the message across.

After Kenosha, Wis. police shot Jacob Blake seven times in the back in front of his children, the players collectively decided they'd had enough of this shit. Beginning with Kenosha neighbors the Milwaukee Bucks, they staged a strike that would permeate to other leagues, effectively putting Western Hemisphere sports on hold for a weekend. 

The result was a pledged commitment to the movement - not just spreading the message, but ensuring action - from the NBA. Most notably, the league will convert team-owned arenas to voting sites for the upcoming election, increasing both capacity and accessibility in major cities.

What the players accomplished was historic. In a country disproportionately run by rich white people, they made rich white people care about their plight and align in fighting it.

And the league continued to place itself at the forefront of this year's ongoing battle against racial injustice. The NBA was by far the "wokest" of the pro sports cohorts, correctly identifying with the young men (the majority of whom are POC) who make their league what it is. 

Unfortunately, there's both anecdotal and empirical evidence suggesting their plea for humanity has - among several other factors - helped contribute to plummeting TV ratings. It's tragic that many still tune out what's often perceived as a "political agenda" (it's not). But it's beyond admirable that the NBA is still willing to fight the good fight. 

Basketball is growing enough internationally to weather whatever storm the NBA faces from racist "fans" in North America. And the impact of what they helped ignite this summer could be, quite literally, revolutionary.

Second-Last Place: The scum that sent death threats to Danny Green

993. Sports leagues that didn't bubble

982. Mike Budenholzer/Milwaukee Bucks

The extent to which Budenholzer coached the Bucks out of their series with the Heat cannot be overstated. 

He foolishly capped his best players' minutes and refused to make any sort of adjustments to his rotation or defensive scheme. Worse yet, he completely neutered Giannis Antetokounmpo, keeping him off Jimmy Butler Duty, and glued to the bench for the most important stretch of Milwaukee's season (the start of Miami's Game 3 comeback).

As a result, the Bucks are facing DEFCON 1 with an aging core, one year left on Giannis' contract, and back-to-back playoff collapses to match his back-to-back MVPs. Fear for the Deer is more like it. 

957. Paul George

The postseason couldn't have gone much worse for "Playoff P", who averaged his fewest playoff ppg since 2013 and shot a horrid .398 from the field. 

As a result, George was the main Haterade recipient after the Clippers' premature meltdown, and had the internet conjuring up every possible slanderous derivative of his nickname. 

In perhaps a personal low point, Seth Curry - who has a not-so-congenial connection to PG - called him a "bitch ass" on international television. 

936. Newsday's Greg Logan

For thinking that Andre Drummond was the NBA's best defender this year. 

919. Danuel House Jr.

Got kicked out of the bubble after his booty call was busted, which was dumb, clumsy, and selfish all in one swoop.

913. Steph Curry's cornrows

906. Game 7 Steve Ballmer

903. Pascal Siakam

Spicy P was pretty damn mild as he mostly disappeared from Toronto's second-round exit. Fans and pundits alike questioned his status as a franchise player, and he drew many unflattering comparisons to ghosts of Raptors playoffs past. 

898. Marcus Morris

Between his cheap-shot on Luka Doncic's ankle, and seemingly igniting the Nuggets' comeback with his Paul Millsap beef, Morris was more of a pro wrestling heel than a basketball player the past few months.

877. The Reggie Miller-Chris Webber tandem

Miller and Webber have long been two of the NBA's most-derided TV emcees. Webber's a try-hard who comes off corny as hell. Miller's mere aura, much like as a player, is an irritant. Both of their commentaries are shallow, misguided, and often contradictory. 

Due to the bubble's restricted media crews, they spent more time than usual in the same booth and, god, was it ever bad.

849. Los Angeles Clippers

Much like the Bucks, suffered a humiliating second-round defeat. Much unlike the Bucks:

• lost after being up 3-1
• weren't beaten by the eventual Conference Champ
• coasted through the regular season with nonchalance and arrogance befitting a much more accomplished team

The Clippers are a bit higher than the Bucks here because they aren't in quite as desperate a situation, and have already fired their overrated coach (formerly another similarity). But they basically mortgaged their future for this core, and did not do so for second-round losses. 

826. Philadelphia 76ers

Whatever The Process became, it's pretty fucking tough to trust it at this point. The Sixers remain the NBA's most dysfunctional talented team, facing an identity crisis at seemingly every turn. 

They were unceremoniously swept out of the first round. Then Joel Embiid began passive-aggressively subtweeting the organization throughout the Heat's playoff run.

The Sixers now have to look at a serious shakeup in an offseason with no salary cap growth and a highly unpredictable market, while they try and convince some poor soul to pay a 36-year-old Al Horford $26.5 million in 2023 (good luck).

808. Charles Barkley's "GUAR-AN-TEE!"s

802. Replay review length/intervals

798. Coach's challenge selection

780. Danny Green

I'm not entirely sure what Danny Green's done to piss off Lakers fans, but holy shit do they ever hate him.

His inconsistency hardly stood out among L.A.'s supporting cast this year. But there was a fresh round of stones thrown at Green with every missed three, culminating in his now-immortal Game 5 brick. 

729. Houston Rockets 

Apparently forgetting that Nikola Jokic and Anthony Davis play for Western Conference contenders, Houston went all-in on small ball, producing another painfully predictable second-round loss. 

Their eradication of every center on their roster came off almost as a trade-deadline gimmick; a fit of desperation from the depths of Daryl Morey's analytics chamber.

In the end, Houston played themselves yet again, having now lost the ideal coach for such a system. They're back at the drawing board without a plan.

700. Nate McMillan/Indiana Pacers

Pacers got swept. Nate got fired. Vic Oladipo wants out. Not great. 

682. Scott Foster

Deployed much like Lieutenant Marimow in "The Wire", Foster, the NBA's resident killjoy referee, became a B-plot villain, drawing ever-increased ire from fans and being name-dropped by Chris Paul in an emotional post-elimination interview. 

667. Russell Westbrook

659. Kendrick Nunn

648. Dillon Brooks' shot selection

643. Zion Williamson

Zion was largely absent from what was supposed to be the Pelicans' triumphant ascent to the postseason. Williamson barely averaged twenty minutes, missing three of the eight seeding games entirely. New Orleans flamed out, not even a factor in the ridiculous four-way final day clusterfuck for the West's 8th and 9th seeds.

It's still too early to call Zion an injury liability, but his first season was as worrying as it was tantalizing. A body that size cannot normally do the things he does; the impact of all that weight and force is considerable.

618. Paul Pierce

While not as irritating as Miller and Webber, Pierce is still a definite minus to most broadcasts. His takes are like hour-old McDonald's french fries; cold, too salty, and tough to digest.

586. San Antonio Spurs

Missed the playoffs for the first time since "Anaconda" was the #1 movie at the box office. They're in clear rebuild mode, and don't exactly have an enviable long-term outlook. 

552. Disney World's room service 

538. The "socially distanced bench" concept

520. Jayson Tatum's stiff-arms

Tatum is a supremely-talented basketball player, capable of torching pretty much any defender. Unfortunately, when driving to hoop, he still feels the need to throw more stiff-arms than a Slipknot mosh pit, clearing out defenders as they move with him.

This greasy tendency cost the Celtics on numerous key possessions, now that the refs have caught on. Tatum's got a deep bag of tricks, and he'll need to find more subtle ways of creating space for himself.

514. Twitter over-reactions to flopping

509. Jeff Van Gundy's rants about flopping

506. Actual flopping

501. Giannis Antetokounmpo

Won the MVP. Had to accept it from Greece.

Stay tuned for Part II later this week...

Offseason Power Rankings Part II: The Half-Steppers

The 2017 NBA Offseason was a chaotic mess of player movement, shifting power dynamics, nefarious rumors, social media beefs and more cap space incineration.

It left many teams and players in a hazy flux; neither clear winners nor losers. Banter's Offseason Power Rankings turns the spotlight on them with Part II: The Half-Steppers.

(Missed Part I? Check it out here.)

655. D'Angelo Russell
Russell got high-profile dumped by the Lakers to kick his summer off, with Magic throwing not-so-thinly veiled shade at him on the way out. Landing on the Nets is a mixed bag of results; with low expectations and great opportunity, but also a rag-tag roster and sudden onus for a breakout year.

638. LeBron James
Though his recent Twitter jabs at "President" Trump have been stand-up displays in needed times, this summer wasn't great overall for King James. Sure he's got plenty of new reinforcements to fill the Kyrie Irving void, but he still endured an ugly breakup with the best teammate he's ever had in Cleveland.

Furthermore, most signs point to LeBron bailing next summer, departing his hometown yet again. There's also been much talk of him moving West, dealing yet another blow to the East's talent pool, which is a decidedly a bad thing.

The only silver lining to a LeBron-Cleveland exodus would be that it isn't humanly possible to do it as poorly as his last one.

614. Memphis Grizzlies
Z-Bo and The Grindfather may be gone, but Memphis enters this season with a wide range of
possible outcomes.

The best of them (if by some miracle Tyreke Evans and Chandler Parsons are both healthy), makes them a likely playoff team. The worst of those short-term - dealing Marc Gasol and tanking - could set Memphis up nicely for next year's draft. Not awful either way, but a large dice roll this season.

587. Charlotte Hornets
Sort of a blah offseason. Malik Monk could be one of the draft's semi-steals at #11, but his union with Kemba Walker might be a tricky one. The Hornets also got Dwight Howard for a pair of socks, but now have to pay him, and run the not-so-small risk of him completely ruining their franchise.

The upside is that the Bulls, Pacers and Hawks are all awful now. Count Charlotte among the favorites to grab one of the empty playoff slots.

545. San Antonio Spurs
Losing Jonathon Simmons was a bit of a kick in the nuts, but snagging Rudy Gay is a plus move for the Spurs. He'll come in handy as a secondary scorer on those ever-more-frequent nights when LaMarcus Aldridge disappears.

A slight loss on the offseason overall, as the West's penthouse is now far more crowded beneath the Warriors, and Houston or OKC may well overtake them as the 2-seed if their superteams mesh.

513. Tony Allen

Gifted us with a hilariously insightful interview at the Basketball Hall of Fame, during which he called out Rudy Gay's role in the birth of the Grit N Grind Grizzlies. On the flipside, his (and Zach Randolph's) exit from Memphis marked #GNG's official passing, as Allen was left on the free agency scrapheap to sign with the floundering Pelicans.

499. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons are still rocking the tenth-highest team payroll, for a roster that might not crack the league's top-20. Their offseason mainly consisted of swapping Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for Avery Bradley, losing Marcus Morris as collateral.

They're still a mostly-gross squad, but should improve if for no other reason than Reggie Jackson can't possibly be as bad as he was last year. Like the Hornets, they're now among the most likely teams to ascend to the East playoffs.

477. Milwaukee Bucks
Though a highly uneventful offseason in Milwaukee, they get another year of growth and continuity for a simply frightening young core. First-round pick DJ Wilson adds to the Bucks' long, athletic and defense-minded stable of talent.

Despite the progress, there's been some ugly subplots to the Bucks' summer, like Jabari Parker's supreme-risk contract dilemma, and murmurs of Giannis Antetokounmpo's departure (already). They'll make strides in the East, but both stakes and expectations will be high. 

458. Washington Wizards
A highly break-even offseason for the Wizards. Slightest of demerit points for being forced into (probably) over-paying Otto Porter.

427. Zach Randolph
The Good: Ended his tenure with the Grizzlies to an ovation of appreciation and an instant number-retiring.

The Bad: Got arrested for weed for like the 40th time.

402. Miami Heat
Retained the key pieces from last season's miracle turnaround, but probably overpaid to do so. Import Kelly Olynyk - despite likely having tilted the outcome of the East semifinals - will have to grow into his contract.

They're now a sure-bet playoff team in the East, but currently have the league's fourth-highest payroll, still owing Chris Bosh $52 million over the next two seasons.

381. Toronto Raptors
Losing Patrick Patterson and PJ Tucker hurts their frontcourt, but the Raptors caught Kyle Lowry exactly where they wanted him, got good value on Serge Ibaka, and shed the DeMarre Carroll mistake. Coming into an offseason of mass uncertainty, that has to be viewed as a mild success for Toronto. 


355. Phoenix Suns
Another team who should benefit heavily from an offseason of youngster development. They also added a coveted draft prospect in Josh Jackson, presenting high value both as a player and trade asset.

While the Suns failed yet again to make a big offseason splash, they were prudent not to just light cap space on fire like so many others, leaving immense financial freedom going forward.

304. Derrick Rose
Say what you want about LeBron's expectations, or (maybe, if Isaiah Thomas' hips don't fall apart) losing his starting spot, Rose got the hell out of New York, a win in itself.

286. Orlando Magic
Another offseason of relative standstill for a team that's spent over a half-decade trying to kickstart their rebuild. Jonathon Isaac is an enticing prospect, but only complicates their current confusion about which position Aaron Gordon plays.

Ultimately this summer has to be seen as a win, for finally canning Rob Hennigan after he grossly mismanaged the team's assets and cap space throughout his tenure.

255. Paul George

Interesting spot for PG13. On one hand, he's gotten out of Indiana, and much like Jimmy Butler won't have to waste his prime with a lost franchise any longer. His new squad is much-watch basketball that will heavily shake the Western power balance.

Much unlike Butler, he's landed in a highly-combustible short-term situation. He'll likely have to bend the most within OKC's new supersystem, while also implicitly setting himself up as a scapegoat for the league's small market sympathy if he does in fact bolt for L.A.

232. Danilo Gallinari
At least he got the order of operations right: sign lucrative new deal, then break your hand punching a guy.

209. Portland Trail Blazers
Dumping Allen Crabbe's monstrosity of a contract was a mild blessing for Portland, who could now possibly duck the luxury tax this year.

They also nailed their biggest need - a defensive big man - by drafting Zach Collins, whom you might remember from snuffing everything that came near him during Gonzaga's NCAA Final run last March.

185. Russell Westbrook
Now supplemented with Carmelo Anthony and Paul George, Westbrook won't have to do everything for the Thunder anymore, and will be competing with the NBA's best teams again. That said, you know deep down that Russ had more fun doing everything - averaging and triple-double and winning MVP - than any other time in his life.

164. Sacramento Kings
Year 1 AB (Anno Boogie) is off to a not-awful start. They landed what could turn out to be the best draft haul of any team, while adding George Hill at good value, stymie De'Aaron Fox as he may. The Kings also raided Memphis' veteran fire sale for Vince Carter and Zach Randolph, adding two still-functional veterans who've seen just about everything in the NBA (except a championship parade).

136. Dwane Casey
Somehow managed to not get fired for the like fifteenth consecutive summer. Will probably be a hot-seat candidate for the like sixteenth consecutive season.

114. Kyrie Irving
Got his wish for a trade granted swiftly by the Cavs, who shipped them to their only potential East rival, immediately adding immense revenge appeal to their matchups. He's now The Man, and can flaunt his desired ability to lead a winning team.

Of course, with that potential comes the possibility it all falls flat and Kyrie doesn't lift the Celtics to the next level. Questions abound about his defense, playmaking and leadership ability; whether he's truly better off without LeBron is heavily debatable.

Much will be made of the price the Celtics paid for him, and the spotlight is now very much in his eyes.

Stay tuned for Part III: The Top 100, coming soon...

2017 Offseason Power Rankings - Part I: The Basement-Dwellers

So. That was an offseason.

After Kevin Durant kind of changed the game last year, this summer became an utter clusterfuck of star - and superstar - movement.

As the salary cap bonanza continued, teams threw astronomical amounts of money around, even with the cap coming up shorter than projected.

Rumors, beefs and demands completely flooded the internet. The soap opera and hype machine factors were higher than ever before.

A deep draft loaded with (what else) point guards gave the league a huge supplement at what was already its most talented position.

And while the Warriors still stand alone as the NBA's best, the power dynamic beneath them has shifted noticeably amid the dustup over the past few months.

So who came out on top of all this madness? Focusing purely on this summer's impact, Banter's attempting to rank how the NBA's various entities fared over the offseason, starting at the bottom with the Basement-Dwellers:

Last Place: The Eastern Conference
It was already long the crappier of the two conferences, but this summer for the East was like Season 3 for the Barksdale crew.

Two of the East's four best players were traded to the West for virtually nothing. A third All-Star left for absolutely nothing. As such, the Hawks, Pacers and Bulls are about to nosedive down the standings, leaving a huge void at the bottom of the playoff bracket.

Concurrently, there was little-to-no progress from East doormats like Orlando, Brooklyn and New York. With the possible exception of the Celtics, every East team top-to-bottom is now crappier than its West counterpart.

While we struggle to justify Eastern All-Stars this year, there will be incessant discussion of LeBron James' apparent intent to also skip town for the West, which would basically be the basketball equivalent of this conversation.

987. Dan Gilbert
Gilbert's Summer started by panic-firing the GM who put the Cavs' championship team together, as he was working a deal for Jimmy Butler no less. Then came the realization that nobody wanted to work for the Comic Sans Bandit when all his target candidates declined.

One of the key factors in their skepticism were rampant rumors - so many that it's hard to just call them rumors - of LeBron's imminent departure. As if that weren't enough, Kyrie Irving then forced his way out of town, capping a total shit-typhoon of a summer for Gilbert's franchise and reputation.

955. Chicago Bulls

Having your former coach commit grand larceny for your franchise player is never a great place to start.

Da Bulls gave up a top 10-15 player, netting a lot of question marks in return: Lauri Markkanen's recent triumphs at Eurobasket are encouraging, but he's still very much a project. Zach LaVine's entire value hinges on a torn ACL. Kris Dunn is somehow an even worse shooter than last season's Rondo/Carter-Williams point squad.

Hours after the Butler debacle, they literally sold Jordan Bell to the Warriors, which is beginning to look like an extremely stupid decision.

Elsewhere, the Bulls overpaid Cristiano Felicio, while the Cameron Payne deal continues to be awful, adding only more cringe to Chicago's offseason.

928. Doc Rivers 
A respected coach who repeatedly sabotaged himself by making dumb moves as GM, Doc's spotty history in the dual-role finally caught up with him this summer.

Chris Paul forced his way out of town amid trepidation of GM Doc's ineptitude, costing Coach Doc his best player. It proved costly for GM Doc too, as he no longer exists.

901. Indiana Pacers 
Much like the Bulls, were completely robbed of an elite swingman. Despite potentially an even worse return, Indiana was severely handicapped by PG wanting to leave them - and likely any team he was traded to - specifically for the Lakers. It can't be frowned upon quite as much as the Bulls' blunder.

874. Nerlens Noel
Pretty awkward summer for Noel, who had 4 years/$70 million on the table, shunned the contract, sat unclaimed for two months, fired his agent, and finally inked the paltry qualifying offer.

While he's free to roam unrestricted in 2018, an injury-heavy past haunts him as he plays for a long-term deal. He's unlikely to find much better next summer, and the potential downside if he gets hurt again is heavy.

858. The Trade Market for Superstars 
Superstars have become a very tricky asset in NBA trade markets. In such a star-driven league, there seems to be no more ground between "this guy's untouchable, we want a king's ransom" and "we're fucked, the league knows he's leaving and they're lowballing us".

The reverse-leverage created by a superstar's flight risk led to absolute robberies of Jimmy Butler and Paul George, while the Clippers only got a pu-pu platter deluxe for Chris Paul. The Cavs might actually win the Kyrie Irving trade, but only because they miraculously targeted the one good team with the right asset mix.

If you're a shitty franchise with a young superstar (looking your way New Orleans), maybe get the jump on the trade market before your situation's obviousness buries you.

834. Utah Jazz
The Jazz were already a grind-it-out defensive team who finished dead last in team scoring last year. Then their two best offensive players left them. Ricky Rubio's a decent pickup who should mesh well with Derrick Favors and Rudy Gobert, but for their biggest needs - scoring and shooting - he's pretty useless.

815. Patrick Patterson

When you're an established NBA veteran who's been a key role player for a winning franchise, and Cristiano Felicio is suddenly signing for twice as much as you, things need to be re-evaluated.

797. New York Knicks
They shed themselves of Phil Jackson, but the same institutional nightmares remain. They proceeded to sign Tim Hardaway Jr to the summer's most-trolled contract, then had to learn the Porzingis drama they thought they killed with Phil could be alive and well.

778. Atlanta Hawks
Whatever siege the city of Atlanta is waging upon pop culture, the Hawks aren't going to be a part of it. With Paul Millsap now in new threads, ATL's entire "Spurs East" roster has been shed, leaving in its wake the likes of Ersan Ilyasova, Miles Plumlee and Luke Babbitt. (Hooray!). They're in full-on rebuild mode with no foundation players or identity.

764. Cleveland Cavaliers
Not quite as insulting an offseason for Cleveland as its owner, but still mildly disastrous. Sure, they got a good return for Kyrie (assuming Isaiah Thomas' hip stays together). They still had to trade a bonafide superstar, worse yet to the only team in the East that threatens them.

Between the trade, its surrounding drama, the opportunity cost of firing David Griffin, the incessant LeBron exodus talk and Boston's power moves, just a bad scene all around for the Cavs.

741. Dallas Mavericks
Because it's the Mavericks, their plans to sign a free-agent center obviously went horribly awry with the lose-lose Nerlens Noel crisis. They also struck out on other key free agent targets, but pulled another season out of Dirk for the legacy bargain of $5 million.

Dennis Smith could be a killer pickup, however the Mavericks are still several steps behind the rest of the West's perennial basement - the Wolves, Suns, Lakers and, yes, somehow even, the Kings - who at least have multiple assets and/or a long-term plan. They're likely to be leapfrogged by several teams in the standings.

711. New Orleans Pelicans
Took without question the summer's biggest gamble giving Jrue Holiday $125 million, and are still painfully thin around Boogie & Brow. Holiday's potential is capped, and his injury risk is severe, leaving only potential downside to a bloody expensive five-year commitment.

The Pelicans also needed spacing around their superstar big men, proceeding to sign Rajon Rondo and Tony Allen; two the weaker shooters by reputation in the NBA. Don't be shocked if this roster flops and the Cousins trade winds start blowing again.

707. Kyle Lowry
Lowry got shafted by the free agency market again, this time due to the ubiquity of the point guard, suddenly a need for fewer teams than ever. Franchises that had cap space and a point void were slim, forcing Lowry to take a shorter deal as his prime fades.

698. Dwight Howard
Shipped out of yet another city after his negligible impact on their franchise (moreover his hometown team). The Hawks knew they overpaid Howard, cutting him loose after just one season to key their rebuild.

He does still stand to make $23.5 million this year, but it's hard to picture a guy who once punched a teammate in the face putting up with much of Howard's immaturity.

679. Los Angeles Clippers

The Clippers definitely can't be happy about their offseason, but given how bad things turned out for other teams that traded superstars, they can't be too upset either.

The Paul haul (plus Danilo Gallinari) leaves them a balanced rotation, with upside to spare from Montrezl Harrell, Sam Dekker and a first-round pick.

Their main concern will be playmaking, particularly for DeAndre Jordan, who will feel CP3's absence the most. They'll have to succeed with Blake Griffin running a lot of point forward; the Clippers currently deploy Pat Beverley, Austin Rivers and second-round pick Jawun Evans at the one.

661. Brooklyn Nets
The Nets got a little cred towards the end of last season when they started busting ass and playing actual edible basketball. But these were baby steps in a cosmic sense. This team is still two years away from being two years away.

While they wrangled D'Angelo Russell from the offseason waters, they hauled in the whale contracts of Timofey Mozgov and Allen Crabbe. Brooklyn also took on the last two years of DeMarre Carroll's gross deal, all together wasting them just around $100 million through 2018-19.

Stay tuned for Part Two: The Half-Steppers, coming soon.

The NBA's Second Season

The NBA offseason has recently become a hype factory of drama and intrigue, subtweets and WojBombs. An entertainment spectacle unlike few in pro sports, it's almost become a whole new season in itself.

But the 2017 offseason has taken things to new heights of upheaval and chaos. Superstars are being given away, quality players are jumping ship left, right and center, and the NBA's power balance has again been consolidated, while salaries skyrocket to yet new heights. You can almost picture Dr Evil announcing the contracts some of these guys are signing for.

So much stuff is happening, it can be hard to gather everything in the proper context. With that in mind, here's a recap of what we've seen so far, attempting to make sense of it all:

RIP Lob City
What It Means: There won't be enough ball to go around in Houston next year. 

So apparently Doc Rivers pissed off Chris Paul, which is totally logical given both that Rivers is a bad GM with a stubborn attachment to his former players/son, and also that just about everyone pisses off Chris Paul.

Of the three superstar trades this summer, the Paul haul has to be considered the best (more on that to come), netting the Clippers an assortment of established vets, decent prospects, and even a first-round pick.

Meanwhile Mike D'Antoni gets to find touches for two of the NBA's most ball-dominant players with Paul joining James Harden. If Carmelo somehow joins the mix, CP3 might be the best thing possible for his game - both in terms of on-court synergy and Banana Boat Points - but the alpha struggle will no doubt present itself.

Blake Griffin Chills
What It Means: There will be no rebuild for the Clippers.


There's a lot of this stressed importance on star players to win, as though competing for a championship should be their only motivation in life.

Some of us (them) are happier just lamping in a star-filled oasis of beautiful weather and people, where the living's easy, your team has a historical commitment to mediocrity, and the pay is very very good.

Losing Paul sucks, but there's a decent rotation around Griffin, who's definitely capable of handling more of a playmaking role. The Clippers will no doubt take a step back, but they could surprise those who expect them to fall from the West's middle tier.

Property on Waiters Island Now Much More Expensive
What It Means: Last year's free agency loser made the most of his contract year re-run.

Brooklyn Makes Otto Porter a Max Man
What It Means: The Nets are about to hardball a second team into completely cap-fucking themselves.

Chauncey Billups Turns Down Cavs' GM Offer
What It Means: Nobody wants to work for Dan Gilbert once LeBron leaves. 

Chicago Gets Robbed at Gunpoint for Jimmy Butler
What It Means: Tom Thibodeau literally put an automatic weapon to Gar Forman's head, gave him terms on a deal for his best player, forced him to accept, and walked away laughing. 

Joe Dumars. Elgin Baylor. Bryan Colangelo x 2. The Bulls' Gar Forman is just the latest in a line of recent Executive of the Year winners who've either been exposed as poor GMs that caught lightning in a bottle, or completely lost their minds years later.

The Butler trade needs to first be prefaced by the Cameron Payne deal, in which the Bulls gave up several valuable assets for an unproven PG who was sent to the D-League within five weeks. This time trading a guy who, by any measure whatsoever is one of the 12-15 best players in the NBA, they received a similarly hopeless return.

Giving up on Payne, they've acquired yet another unproven PG in Kris Dunn, one whose shooting - the Bulls' main need - was horrendous last year. They took on Zach LaVine, a guy with a torn ACL whose ceiling and value are tied very heavily to athletic ability. They also acquired a top-ten pick in a loaded draft, but were foolish enough to give back their own first-rounder in a trade that was already felonious theft.

Who knows what delusion careened through Forman's head when he made this deal. Either way, Danny Ainge was probably on a rough sleep schedule after seeing what Butler went for. Or at least until...

Robyn Hayward's Instagram was Right
What It Means:Gordon REALLY wanted to finish his Player's Tribune article. 

The Jazz - also down George Hill - look like they're headed back to the lottery. And even though he missed out on both Butler and Paul George, Ainge has added an All-Star each of the past two summers without giving up a single asset. Maybe the best-trading GM in the NBA does know what he's doing here...

Minnesota Looks LEGIT
What It Means: The leap they were supposed to make last year is definitely happening this year.  

Backtracking slightly to the Butler trade: If not for the Bulls' mind-numbing stupidity, I'd be happy about it, as a great player no longer has to waste away his prime on a sad-ass team.

Adding Butler to the Towns-Wiggins-Dieng core is massive in itself for Minny, who then bolstered their bench with Taj Gibson at good value, and snared Jeff Teague for startlingly little (almost makes you wonder...). Spacing could be an issue for them, but even if so, they have assets to spare in a trade for a shooter.

The West figures a bloodbath, but with continued development from Towns, the Butler heist taking both offensive and (more importantly) defensive onus off Wiggins, the addition by subtraction of their worst shooter (Ricky Rubio) and defender (LaVine), and now two quality vets to round out their rotation, the Wolves look like mortal locks for a mid-tier playoff spot, and perhaps more.

Nick Young Signs With the Warriors
What It Means: Apparently they didn't have enough swag already.

Amir Johnson & JJ Redick Sign One-Year Deals with Sixers
What It Means: #TheProcess still has to hit the salary floor somehow.

Dwight Howard Loses Again
What It Means: His legacy might be in stone at this point.

The Nuggets Are Still 'Team Purgatory'
What It Means: Denver really doesn't want a lottery pick. 

Ever since the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony - almost seven years ago - the franchise has been on a rudderless quest for mediocrity, unable to compete at the highest level, and unwilling to blow it up and build for the future like so many around them had done.

Acquiring Paul Millsap is yet another step in no real direction for the Nuggets; P-Milly doesn't move the needle enough for them to be anything more than a bottom-rung playoff team. Moreover, it restricts their financial flexibility as they build around Nikola Jokic, while lowering their odds at a good draft pick. All this for a player on the back end of his prime who doesn't fit Denver's developmental timeline at all. Makes you wonder what exactly the Nuggets' endgame is.

OKC Plays Cat Burglar
What It Means: They didn't replace Kevin Durant, but they came damn close (for a season).


A few weeks ago, Paul George made the Pacers acutely aware of his intentions to play elsewhere - as if they hadn't been clear for months - thus setting in motion a series of whirlwind events.

Within a 48-hour period, there were "credibly sourced" rumors tying PG to the Celtics, Cavaliers, Rockets, and obviously the Lakers, none of which seemed very far-fetched given narratives and Indiana's utter lack of leverage. But at the 11th hour: 45th minute, in swooped the Thunder - as out-of-nowhere as a Giannis chase-down block. They basically landed George for the assets gained from dealing Serge Ibaka; assets which have only diminished in value.

This is confusing for several reasons: not only was an elite player again dealt for a paltry offer - circumstances notwithstanding - but there's only a drunk puncher's chance that George will re-sign with OKC. This has the making of an expensive rental, likely full of false hope for a fanbase that just lost Kevin Durant and watched him win Finals MVP 11 months later.

If PG does decide to stick around for some completely untapped reason, then Sam Presti will have actually stolen a superstar from someone else, as difficult a concept as that may be to grasp.

Jrue The Damaja
What It Means: Dell Demps is a gambling man.

Whatever "my body is made of glass" discount Steph Curry took on his last contract certainly does not apply in New Orleans where Jrue Holiday - who for argument's sake has averaged 57 games over the past half-decade - just inked for $25mil/year over the next half-decade.

The 12 games Holiday spent with his wife as she battled a frightening brain tumor last year only slightly skews his spotty health record. This has to call into question the New Orleans training staff, given that he averaged 74.5 games through four seasons in Philly, and the Pelicans' entire roster seems to be perpetually injured.

The Point Guard Market Dries Up on Kyle Lowry
What It Means: Making the last three All-Star teams ain't what it used to be.

In contrast to Holiday's lavish deal, Lowry came off a career year and found a chilling lack of love.

Despite logical rumors pointing to Minnesota or San Antonio, Lowry humbly re-upped with the team he reportedly had "zero interest" in, while only getting three years of guaranteed money.

It comes as a disappointment for a player on the back nine of his career, who took a discount last contract due to late-bloomer and conditioning issues, and now despite becoming an elite PG, finds himself doing it again. This time Lowry is purely a victim of the point guard market; an inundation of talent that already diluted the position's market value was only heightened when half of the 2017 Draft's top ten picks were PGs. Simply put, fewer teams need one than ever.

Conversely the deal is pretty much exactly what the Raptors wanted, neither losing Lowry for nothing, nor paying him the max when he's 36 and most likely in decline. His contract is also infinitely more tradeable should Masai Ujiri decide to hit the Rebuild Button on this core group.

Diamond Stone Traded to Hawks
What It Means: 'Diamond Stone' is probably the new most awesome name in the NBA.

Zach Randolph Signs With Kings
What It Means: A big piece of Grint N Grind has died, along with a bit of my soul. 

The Raptors' Frontcourt Splinters
What It Means: That DeMarre Carroll signing really starting to rear its ugly head. 

Kevin Durant Takes One For the Team
What It Means: The rest of the NBA is fucked.

So Steph Curry supermaxed. Considering the Warriors just had him on one of the best-value contracts in NBA history for three years, he was due.

Durant thus bit the bullet, leaving almost $10mil on the table - a 28% pay cut - so the Warriors had the flexibility to retain Andre Iguodala and Shawn Livingston, two key cogs in their title runs. For all the shade he was thrown last summer after what seemed like a cop-out, there's no questioning his willingness to keep this team together and truly carve a place in history for them and himself.

The Phil Is Gone
What It Means: James Dolan has finally done something sane in his capacity as Knicks owner 

Although it was increasingly clear that Phil Jackson's descent into arrogant senility necessitated his firing as Knicks' president, there are few individuals alive who could be trusted to do the right thing less than Jimmy Dolan.

Although the Straight Shot's lead singer saw fit to make a sound basketball decision for likely the first time in two decades, there are rumblings about that his old habits may not have died hard quite yet. "Better Find A Church" indeed.

The Rich Get Richer
What It Means: Competitive parity has both improved and faltered.

There's two ways to look at this depending on your perspective: The first is that the seemingly massive chasm between the NBA's haves and have-nots has grown even wider, with middling teams like Utah, Atlanta, Chicago and Indiana all losing star players to stronger teams (for little-to-nothing) and being sent back to the drawing board. The Rockets also solidified their talent at the expense of their contemporaries, the Clippers. There's no question that elite talent has been consolidated in a huge way for such a short time period, and the rebuilds will be happening everywhere.


The flipside to this is that we might see a greater modicum of competition atop the conferences, especially in the East where the Celtics - armed with Hayward and whatever assets they reap from their logjam of swingmen - could give the Cavs a run for their money if things break right.

Dealing with Golden State in the West is no doubt more of a daunting task, but the Rockets are mounting an effort, the Wolves will quickly ascend, and perhaps even the Thunder can build around two superstars. For all the rhetoric spewed last year about franchises biding their time and waiting out the Warriors or Cavs, things seem to be trending the opposite way.

Whether this amounts to anything in the way of derailing Cavs-Warriors IV remains unclear, but even if the outlook is grim, you can't blame opposing GMs for a lack of effort thus far this offseason. This is probably the most "Shit or Get Off the Pot" season the NBA's ever had; the shakeup is far from over.

Banter's 2016 All-Stars

All-Star voting. Don't get me started.

Whatever, too late. The whole process is backwards; starting with the fan voting. It's a popularity contest, which at the same time is used as a highly-touted yardstick when measuring a player's legacy and/or Hall-of-Fame credentials. The sometimes-quizzical coaches do a by-and-large better job of putting the right guys on the bench, but even they are subject to bias and error.

The NBA made a nice adjustment a few years back, eliminating the forced "Center" position to reflect the increasingly perimeter-oriented nature of the game. But even that measure has left out many deserving players, with more All-Star caliber guards than the NBA has ever seen.

Put simply, there's fewer All-Star spots available to the positions with the most talent. A "Perimeter"/"Frontcourt" designation with more spots allocated to the former would make a logical next step for wing players- we live in a world where Kobe Bryant was somehow just voted in as a Forward.

While the coaches did a mostly solid job of mopping up the mess left by the starters' voting, let's wipe the slate clean and travel to an alternate universe where I decide the All-Stars because I'm clearly smarter than every NBA coach, and the millions of fans who cast votes.

Using an abstractly weighted assessment of the player's overall season (Personal Performance x Team Success), I've come up with the 24 guys who truly deserve to be repping the title "All-Star" this season; the guys who have defined the season with outstanding play. Here are Banter's 2016 All-Star picks:

EAST STARTERS

G - Kyle Lowry

Lowry was already an elite two-way PG, but over the summer he lost a visible amount of weight and has thus attacked this season with the voracity of his former self at In-N-Out. Still an aggressive bull on both ends, Lowry's now a step quicker, and possesses greater bounce. It's translated to him averaging career-highs in (points+assists), rebounds, and steals - the latter of which he sits 2nd in the league.

Meanwhile the Raptors have somewhat-surprisingly been perhaps the East's steadiest team this year, and the only ones really threatening Cleveland's #1 seed. Canadian fans pulled a last-ditch rally to bump Lowry into the starting lineup for the 2nd straight year, and there's no question this time it was deserved.

G - Jimmy Butler
Much like Lowry, Butler's a menace on both ends of the court for one of the conference's best teams. While the Bulls have had some periods of adjustment through a new coach and their usual boatload of injuries, Jimmy's been a monstrous presence, carrying Chicago offensively for stretches and willing them to wins by himself on several occasions.

Unfortunately it's doesn't look like the Windy City has enough huff & puff to challenge Cleveland in the East this year, but even with John Wall's recent rampage of box score destruction, Butler's been the better season-long player for a top-3 team, making this spot his.

F- LeBron James
25/7/6, with a combined 2 steals/blocks per game would be a banner year for 99.9% of the NBA. For LeBron, it's become routine, beyond the point of being taken for granted. The Cavs have coasted to the #1 spot, even through chemistry issues, injuries and unforeseen coach-firings, and LeBron's pretty much been LeBron; as automatic an All-Star starter as has existed in the NBA.

F- Paul George
Both the Pacers and George have cooled off slightly after completely scintillating starts to the season, but in a conference somewhat light on compelling cases for starters, PG is a total no-brainer. He's rebounded from his injury-porn broken leg to have his best year statistically so far.

Moreover the Pacers have been pleasantly competitive over a first half marred by injuries and large doses of unfamiliarity on a mostly-flipped roster. Even if they'd slid outside the playoff bracket, George would still be a must-start.

F - Paul Millsap
Lost in the usual rhetoric about the Hawks' team play and their slight stumble in the East standings is that Millsap is having an absolute monster of a season. Already one of the NBA's most versatile players, he's currently averaging career highs in all five of the major statistical categories. He sits top-10 in steals, top-20 and blocks and rebounds, and top-30 in scoring. Millsap's brilliance has been subtle (aside from this vicious assault on John Henson) and unheralded, but he rounds out a fairly obvious East frontcourt. #SmallBall.

EAST BENCH

G - John Wall
Has been playing the best ball of his career over the past six weeks. Even with the Wizards decimated by injury and performing well below par, he needs to be here.

G - Demar DeRozan
DeRozan's smoothly transitioned from a mid-range gunner to a relentless attacker who shoots the third-most free throws in the NBA. He's top-ten scorer on a top-two team, making it very hard not to give the host Raptors a 2nd All-Star.

F - Carmelo Anthony
Melo has been getting jerked off a lot lately for trusting his teammates, trying on defense, and more or less playing the way everyone's been wishing he would for a decade now. Regardless, the Knicks are far less of a laughing stock, so Anthony's All-Star stock has risen as well.

F - Chris Bosh
Not that the Heat "need" an All-Star by any logical stretch, but both Bosh and Dwyane Wade (who's been remarkably durable this year) carry decent cases for bench spots. In the end, the Boshtrich gets the nod, largely due to having more potential roster spots and less competition.

F - Andre Drummond
If you can stomach the absolutely abhorrent free-throw shooting, Drummond's a destructive force that's cleared a path for Detroit's seemingly likely return to the playoffs. Hasn't dropped as many 20/20s lately, but still has left a large crater in this season.

WC - Isaiah Thomas
The first Wild Card spot goes to Thomas, who's having a borderline-dominant offensive season as the heartbeat of the wily, cagey Celtics, who thanks to the new division champs rules, are a game back of homecourt in the East.

WC - Pau Gasol
This spot comes down to a bunch of guys with somewhat-compelling cases. I changed my mind 2 or 3 times and went with Pau, still putting gaudy numbers on the board for a top-3 team, which none of the guys below can really front on.

REGARDS TO: Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Reggie Jackson, Dwyane Wade, Nicolas Batum, Kevin Love

WEST STARTERS

G - Stephen Curry
Duh.

G - Russell Westbrook
Westbrook's been a supremely destructive force on box scores and defenders alike, offset only slightly by Kevin Durant's return to health. Russ sits 7th in scoring and 2nd in assists, accounting for more raw offensive output than anyone but Chef Curry. For good measure, he also leads all guards in rebounding, and the entire league in steals.

Westbrook's relentlessly undying energy is a perpetual force of nature on the basketball court. You can expect the reigning All-Star MVP to put up a solid title defense, simply because he doesn't understand the meaning of "not trying".

F - Kevin Durant
It hasn't taken long for the Slim Reaper to slay all that preseason fretting about his foot and the total hatchet job OKC's medical staff pulled on it last year. Playing slightly fewer minutes than seasons past, his output is par for the Durant course, among the league's scoring leaders, shooting dangerously close to 50/40/90. Welcome back KD.

F - Kawhi Leonard

That season we were all waiting for, when Timmy, Tony and Manu finally turned the reigns over and Kawhi Leonard was fully unleashed, is happening. Not only is he continuing to wreak utter havoc on the defensive end, he's dropping a career-high 20/game on arguably the most efficient-shooting season in NBA history. Not even LaMarcus Aldridge's arrival has been enough to offset the assertion that it's Leonard Time.

F- Draymond Green
You have to love Draymond Green. He backs up every single brash and/or boisterous statement he makes with a pure embodiment of (sorry, Grizzlies) Grit and Grind. This guy isn't a transcendent athlete, he wasn't blessed with any otherwordly talents (like, say one of his teammates). He's just a very smart basketball player who hustles on every play and has busted his ass over the past 18 months to expand his game.

As a result, you'd be very hard-pressed to name a more versatile player in the league, such that he's averaging numbers nobody has since Grant Hill 19 years ago. To boot, Dr. Dray kicks in almost 3 steals/blocks per game, while capably guarding as wide a range of opponents as anyone. Curry may be the Warriors' best player, but Green is their heart, hustle, and a borderline MVP candidate himself.


WEST BENCH

G - Chris Paul
The Clippers were a sinking ship in November, but Paul's return to full health has sparked a dramatic resurgence in Blake Griffin's absence. They're back in the top-4, largely due to CP3's dominance on both ends.

(side note: I single out "CP3" as one of two examples of those dumb, once-trendy initial-to-number nicknames that should be used. The monosyllabic rhyme-rattle just works too well. The other is CB4, which is probably the coolest thing Chris Bosh has ever initiated, even if unwittingly.

G - James Harden
Houston's been a pretty big disappointment this year, but Harden's been a beast. You can only penalize a guy so much for his team, and there's no denying The Beard belongs. He's still putting up LeBron-esque numbers, so book his ticket.

F - Dirk Nowitzki
The Mavs aren't quite a team that demands an All-Star, but their unexpected status as mortal locks for the West playoffs is noteworthy, as is Dirk's refusal to quit leading a competitive team. This isn't a "Legacy Nod" like the fans gave Kobe, this is a "Still Got It" nod.

F - Anthony Davis
The Pels have been bit by the injury bug, the inconsistency bug, and the "All our Centers Suck" bug, but Davis is doing what he can. He hasn't yet displayed the growth many had hoped for this year, but the player he already was is really fucking good.

F- DeMarcus Cousins
Another West star who started the season in an injury-mired funk, Cousins has been Godzilla on the block this month, averaging an absurd 34 & 14 on 61% True Shooting. The Kings are also fighting for a suddenly-available playoff spot, making the All-Star game an official Boogie Nights production.

WC - Klay Thompson
The competition for the final two spots here was a lot fiercer than in the East, but Klay seems like a relatively easy pick. His numbers have dipped ever-so-slightly with Curry in GodMode, but Golden State might be the best team in history, so, you know...

WC - Damian Lillard
Finally there's the often slept-on Damian Lillard, who's been putting up outrageous numbers for a Portland team that maybe five people on Earth thought would fight for the playoffs this year. Even if he's a crappy defender, he's a destructive offensive player whose team's highly-unlikely 'success' propels his case.

Regards To: Marc Gasol, LaMarcus Aldridge, DeAndre Jordan Gordon Hayward, Rajon Rondo

Banter's 2014 All-Star Ballot

Every NBA season, I leave my All-Star voting as late as possible, not because I'm a huge procrastinator (guilty), but to make the most developed and informed selections. As flawed as this democratic process may be, I'll be damned if my vote's going to waste.

So with voting closing in a couple days, who deserves to go to the show? Which players have been the most dominant and influential on this season so far? In the case of most of the Eastern Conference, who has simply sucked the least? Let's start with something my vote actually counts for; the Starters:

Leastern Conference

G. John Wall, Washington Wizards
The East's guard scene is dangerously anemic this year; not only are perennial All-Stars Rajon Rondo and Derrick Rose goners, but Dwyane Wade's sat a quarter of this season, and it's showing both in the Heat's record, and LeBron James showing signs of fatigue for the first time in his life. Deron Williams' injuries have been the key contributor to Brooklyn's train-wreck season, and even heir apparent Kyrie Irving's stuck in reverse with Cleveland being all kinds of awful under Mike Brown.

So ring up a vote for Wall, by default the best guard in the East so far this season. He's averaging career highs in points, assists and steals, and while his overall shooting % is down slightly due to his sudden love of 3-pointers (3.8/game up from 0.9), he's at least managed to crack 32% from beyond the arc. While Wall might be one of the NBA's more egregious jump-shooters, he's a lightning-quick athletic beast who scores well near the hoop and becoming one of the NBA's better playmakers. This year, that makes him the most suitable candidate to suit up among East guards.

G. Kyrie Irving, Cleveland Cavaliers
I tried to give this spot to both Demar DeRozan and Lance Stephenson; the Cavs have been mostly putrid (only compounded by their League Pass announcers) and Kyrie continues to be one of the worst starting PGs in the NBA on the defensive end. Still, he's rebounded from a slow start under the constraints of Mike Brown, while no other guards in the East have truly stepped up to take what was his spot to lose.

Giving this spot to someone else would be as much punishing Irving for his franchise's ridiculous decisions this offseason (hiring Brown again, drafting Anthony Bennett, signing Andrew Bynum - although they could've done much worse than flipping him into a Luol Deng freeroll) as anything, and against this weak a field, it seems like too much.

F. Paul George, Indiana Pacers 
His numbers have tapered off slightly from a torrid start that had him in the thick of the MVP discussion, but George has firmly delivered on the promise he signaled last spring as an elite swingman. Both Indiana's go-to scorer and top perimeter defender, he's the man on the East's best team, making his presence here a given.

F. Carmelo Anthony, New York Knicks
It's no secret the Knicks have been God-awful this year, but if there's one person who can't really take any of the blame, it's Melo. Stat-wise, his season has been more or less on par with last year (a couple fewer points, a couple more rebounds, and basically identical %s), when he was garnering MVP buzz. Meanwhile, the team around him has basically imploded; from Tyson Chandler's leg injuries, to JR Smith's head injury, to the roster injury the Knicks suffered by acquiring Andrea Bargnani. It's mostly gone to shit, but few things haven't in the East this season .


F. LeBron James, Miami Heat
He's better at the game of basketball than anyone on Earth right now. Let's save some time and move along...

Bestern Conference

G. Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers
Even if CP3 won't be able to lace up for this year's game, it would be a theft not to acknowledge yet another brilliant season. Before his shoulder injury, Paul was his typical self; the most complete point guard on both sides of the ball, and the only NBA player averaging double-digit assists on the year.

G. Steph Curry, Golden State Warriors
One of the toughest decisions this year (other than picking at the leftovers of the East Guard Buffet Platter) was Steph Curry vs James Harden for the 2nd guard spot. Both the lead triggermen in high-octane offenses. Both are capable of suspect defense. Their teams have nearly identical records. And both are doing impressive numbers that leave little room to differ; in fact their PER is within .14 of each other.

The edge goes to Curry for his superiority as a scorer/playmaker, accounting for a higher clip from scoring+assists while turning the ball over at a lower rate. Curry also rebounds nearly as much as Harden from the PG spot, so yeah, I'm starting four point guards in the All-Star Game. Deal with it.

F. Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder There's one guy in each Conference who doesn't need an explanation. This is the West's.

F. Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves
The Wolves have been kind of a bummer this year, but kinda like Kyrie in Cleveland, it's hard to fault Love much. Beyond Kyrie, Love is having a monster 25/13/4 season as the 3rd-most efficient player in the NBA behind LeBron and Durant. And this is the All-Star Game.

F. LeMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trailblazers 
Having a career year for the West's surprise contender, Aldridge has emerged as perhaps the A's best midrange scorer, anchoring a Blazers offense that's, well, (sorry) blazing. Always one of the League's quieter stars, he's announced himself on the highest level very loudly.

(Write In: Miles Plumlee, Phoenix Suns)

As for the reserves, I don't happen to be coaching an NBA team at the moment, so my vote doesn't really mean much, but if I had a ballot, here's what it would look like:

Leastern Conference

G. Demar DeRozan, Toronto Raptors
Well, this happened. I'm not entirely sure how, but I'm voting a Toronto Raptor into the All-Star Game. DeRozan's been a consistent spark for the Raptors, not only becoming a legitimate first scorer in Rudy Gay's absence, but dialing up his defensive focus as T-Dot has begun taking the Atlantic by storm. Double D's been the go-to guy on - gulp - the East's third-best team so far, good enough for a Least nod.

G. Lance Stephenson, Indiana Pacers
Sudden triple-double machine Sir-Lance-Alot is racking up impressive numbers, confined within one of the NBA's slowest-paced teams, playing with the kind of swagger reminiscent of another Coney Island veteran. Lance has made 'em dance all season, and his emergence is one of several reasons why the Pacers are safely atop the East for now.

F. Chris Bosh, Miami Heat
Bosh, if nothing else, is staying balanced as an NBA entity. As he continues his seemingly eternal evolution as an awkward internet meme, and is on the butt end of endless jokes, his play leaves less and less room for criticism. His embracing of (and improvement in) the center position has allowed Miami to do what they do, so don't let the falling numbers fool you into thinking he can be excluded.

F. Paul Millsap, Atlanta Hawks
Millsap's developed a reputation as one of the NBA's most sneakily-skilled power forwards; an ace second-fiddle behind guys named "Al" in post tandems. Horford's pectoral injury has not only put P-Milly on an island as the lone interior scorer for the Hawks, but left a vacant spot on this roster for him to assume.

Like many names you're seeing here, the "All-Star" prefix may seem excessive, but understand what we're working with here.

F. Roy Hibbert, Indiana Pacers
It's fairly evident what Hibbert is at this point: a 12/8 guy who plays at a slightly higher level in the Playoffs, especially (and understandably) vs Miami. More valuable to Indiana, Hibbert is the new Dwight Howard; that interior force who disrupts everything around the hoop and forces many teams to alter their attack plan. It's because of him that "Verticality" is the second-trendiest NBA term behind "Corner Three" right now, and Indy's ruled the East enough to deserve an All-Star triad.

W.C. Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls Cleveland Cavaliers
I can't punish Luol for Derrick Rose's injury and recently being traded to a team that by no other measure deserves a second All-Star. Not in such a weak Conference. Deng's ability to deliver top-level play on both sides of the ball, with unwavering consistency, makes him one of the League's most undervalued players. It's a shame the Bulls didn't get more for him.

W.C. Andre Drummond, Detroit Pistons
Some may see this as mildly premature, but again, this is this season's Eastern Conference, and the pickin's for healthy and worthy All-Stars have maybe never been slimmer. Meanwhile, Drummond's been beasting for Detroit, emerging as one of the A's best young big men in his first season as a starter. You just have to ignore certain things in the East, like Drummond's 38% foul shooting, or how only 27% of the Conference is over .500.

Snub Squad (if such a thing exists for the East): Kemba Walker, Jeff Teague, Greg Monroe, Kyle Lowry, Joakim Noah, Dwyane Wade, Michael Carter-Williams

Bestern Conference

G. James Harden, Houston Rockets
As explained above, almost had Harden starting, but ultimately Steph Curry's just more dynamic on offense and more influential to what makes his team successful. Not to knock Harden; 25/5/5 on a good West team is a strong season, especially with individual scoring rates falling with the rise of metrics-based analysis.

G. Tony Parker, F. Tim Duncan, San Antonio SpursNow that all of us have finally gotten used to the idea that the Spurs aren't going to fall off until Parker and Tim Duncan's appendages do, it's only right that the best team in the West be properly repped for its methodical excellence. They've been doing what Miami's trying this year by pacing themselves 'til the Playoffs for several seasons now. It shows in that they're keeping their stars fresh, while sitting atop the far tougher Conference. With Pop coaching again, it's only appropriate.

F. Blake Griffin, Los Angeles ClippersAnyone who still thinks of Blake Griffin as a one-dimensional athletic finisher needs to wake up to the progress he's steadily made. This season in particular has seen marked improvements in his toughness, jump-shooting, decision making, passing, and attention on defense under Doc Rivers. He's not quite on the Love/Aldridge level, but he's not far beneath it.

F. Dwight Howard, Houston RocketsHoward's days as the undisputed ruler of the NBA Paint may be behind him, but this season he's denied those who hinted at his demise, by turning back the clock - slightly - with a rejuvenated game hardly seen with the Lakers. If Marc Gasol had been healthy, this spot would've been a fight, but D12's back in All-Star form.

W.C. Damian Lillard, Portland TrailblazersThe West bench wouldn't be complete without Dame Dash; a terror for the League's best offense, and saving his best play for the most crucial moments. He remains a defensive liability in most matchups, but Lillard propels the Blazers to the tune of 109ppg - most since the D'Antoni Suns - and Portland's 2nd in the West.

W.C. Anthony Davis, New Orleans Hornets
With the final spot on the West roster, I'm invoking the Kevin Love clause yet again, because Davis is exploding in his second season as a two-way franchise force, despite the Pelicans' reluctance to, er, take flight. Regardless if his team doesn't really deserve the recognition, this is a game that's supposed to honor the NBA's best players and at a certain point, you have to draw the line. And they're hosting All-Star Weekend, which apparently means something, so here he is.

Snub Squad: DeMarcus Cousins, Dirk Nowitzki, Goran Dragic/Eric Bledsoe, Serge Ibaka, Klay Thompson, Monta Ellis, Ty Lawson

2013 Banter NBA Awards

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!

Coming to you live from the Halifax Forum it's the 2013 Basketball Banter Awards, on Eastlink local cable!

We've got plenty of awards to hand out tonight, and unfortunately our host Michael Jordan couldn't make it this evening (something about a scheduling conflict), so without further ado, here are tonight's nominees!

Rookie of the Year, presented by Thomas Ian Nicholas and Gary Busey:  Bradley Beal, Anthony Davis, Andre Drummond, Damian Lillard, Dion Waiters

Defensive Player of the Year, presented by Ray Lewis and Maurice Levy: Tyson Chandler, Marc Gasol, Paul George, Lebron James, Joakim Noah

Coach of the Year, presented by Phil Jackson and Mike Rice: Gregg Popovich, Erik Spoelstra, Tom Thibodeau, Mike Woodson, Doug Collins, Frank Vogel

Sixth Man of the Year, presented by Bronn and The Hound: Ryan Anderson, Jamal Crawford, Jarrett Jack, Andre Miller, JR Smith

Most Improved Player, presented by Macklemore and Psy: Omer Asik, Paul George, Jrue Holiday, Larry Sanders, Nikola Vucevic

Most Valuable Player, presented by Adam Silver and Mikhail Prokhorov: Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, Lebron James, Chris Paul

....and now, the moment you've all been waiting for (seriously, let's just get to the after-party), the winners are....

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: Damian Lillard, Portland Trailblazers
What was seemingly Davis' award to lose heading into the season has, in fact, been lost, unfortunately for him it seemed, before he even got to stake his claim. While Davis put up a reasonable rookie campaign amid some concerns about his durability and frame at the NBA level, Lillard showed out for Portland, blitzing defenses with ridiculous quickness off the bounce, and an impressive set of moves for a 6'3" rookie. His playmaking ability is adept for a score-first guard, and while the NBA game hasn't come completely naturally to him (he's struggled on defense most of the season, particularly on-the-ball), he's by all accounts a gym-rat with a devotion to improving. Either way, for 2013, Dame Dash is the clear rookie chart-topper.

All-Rookie Teams:

First Team: G-Damian Lillard, G-Bradley Beal, F-Mo Harkless F-Anthony Davis, C-Andre Drummond

Second Team: G-Dion Waiters, G/F*Michael Kidd-Gilchrist (the asterisk denoting that the Bobcats didn't really have anything coherently resembling an offense this year, so slotting MKG here in a very thin rookie class isn't much of a stretch) F- Harrison Barnes, F- John Henson, C- Jonas Valanciunas

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls
The  Bulls' somewhat-controversial dismantling of the Miami Heat's historic win streak was a simple microcosm of what this team's about: brutally efficient defensive execution; it's what Tom Thibodeau was sought for by teams League-wide, and it's paid dividends with the Bulls' MVP on the shelf for most of the past two seasons.

That they pulled off that particular upset without Joakim Noah is drenched in irony, as Noah has been the heart, soul and spine of this team's defense for several seasons, and knowing Derrick Rose would be out for most (perhaps all?) of this season, he ratcheted his game up to the next level, becoming the League's most versatile post defender. A constant threat to not only disrupt big men and own the glass, but quick enough to get in front of any penetrating wingman, with the length and athleticism to make them think twice about a return trip. His increased court awareness and leadership in Rose's absence showed especially on D, where he never fell into the lapses that plagued him post-contract, fueling the system that kept Chicago above water through a litany of injuries.

All-Defensive Teams:

First Team: G-Tony Allen, G-Dwyane Wade, F-LeBron James, F-Joakim Noah, C-Marc Gasol

Second Team: G-Mike Conley, G-Chris Paul, F-Paul George, F-Serge Ibaka, C-Roy Hibbert

COACH OF THE YEAR: Mike Woodson, New York Knicks 
In a category that's defined by subjectivity and un-expectation, Woodson has risen to the top of this year's coaching crop by taking an oddly-cobbled, aging Knicks team, and turning them into the unquestioned Eastern bridesmaids with a unique inside-out attack that has had to take many forms amid numerous injuries.
Aside from adjusting his lineup all year through a perpetually-rotating cast of players, Woodson did many remarkable things this season:

First, he vastly exceeded expectations in the rabid Mecca, which between the fans, the media, the pressure, the presence of Jim Dolan, and everything else plaguing the Knicks, takes a minor miracle. Moreover, he took on a newly-assembled team with several "character issues" guys and steered them clear of any cereal-unrelated disasters. In a season of metrics-based innovation, he crafted the NBA's most devastating inside-out attack around a player (Tyson Chandler) with no low-post game, and a player (Carmelo Anthony) who wasn't very fond of posting up often, or doing things the coach's way. In convincing Melo to take more minutes at the 4-spot, Woodson was also able to make Anthony see the light that "passing can be a good thing" (consequently, a player who arguably had the most prove of anyone in the NBA this year enjoyed the best season of his career). Beyond all this, perhaps most impressive was Woodson's breakthrough with JR Smith (clearly an expert after repeatedly butting heads with the other athletic "J.Smith" who was taken as a high schooler in the teens of the '04 Draft), turning him from a talented but generally disruptive potential-journeyman into:

SIXTH MAN OF THE YEAR: JR Smith, New York Knicks
You should really see the look on my face right now. If there were a "Ron Artest Wins the Citizenship Award" Award for the words I'm most shocked to be writing this season, this is a sweep:

Smith made a name for himself in the NBA as an explosive scorer who could carry any second unit offensively, but did little else, loved the continual self-dial, and conducted himself in a manner that not-so-seldom made headlines for the wrong reasons. After spending a year in China during the lockout, it was unclear what Smith's role would be upon signing with New York; even less clear how the Garden's bright lights would cast him.

Early on, Smith made an impact; as advertised, he was a lethal shooter but his game seemed to evolve; he was penetrating more, keeping defenses honest, scoring near the hoop, and getting to the line at a greater rate, becoming a much more efficient offensive weapon. This was an astonishing development after years of urging from numerous coaches had proven futile. Even more shocking, he was defending and rebounding aggressively, while playing an important role in the Knicks' pass-heavy offense, completing the full-on transformation from apparent selfish knucklehead to vital role player, while using Twitter hilariously as an outlet for his impulsive attention-getting, rather than fighting with refs and coaches.

Smith's play led to increased minutes - a career high 33.5 as of now - which naturally left him on the floor more often in the clutch, where that once-pseudo-swag he carried himself with found meaning, hitting numerous big shots to help secure wins, which puts the icing on this cake and the 6MOY in JR Smith's humble hands. Strange times we're living in.

MOST IMPROVED PLAYER: Paul George, Indiana Pacers
Some people might find it puzzling that I don't have the guy who's likely to win this award (James Harden) included even as a nominee. While Harden's certainly come onto his new scene in a big way, becoming a Top-10 guy with the Rockets this year, it's not as though he's improved tremendously as a basketball player. He was the most under-utilized player in the NBA last year, and still posted one of the best seasons in 6th Man history. He was named to Team USA in the summer, and happily given a max contract by the guy who's very much looking like the smartest GM in the League at the moment. Now the clear #1 on a Houston squad with the fastest-paced (read: stat-bloating) game, it's only natural he'd be putting up numbers like he is.

Meanwhile, George underwent an evolution that was far less guided; one that saw him make significant statistical strides on one of the slowest-paced (read: stat-constricting) teams while having to work harder in a new role that was unexpectedly thrown at him. When trigger-happy Danny Granger went down early, the onus was on PG to become the Pacers' offensive leader (almost by committee) and get over his apparent hesitance to create his own shot. It didn't take too long for George to not only become confident in that role, but display the kind of ability to render Granger to sudden trade bait, while also upping his play on D to an elite level. His baptism-by-fire emergence is the biggest reason the short-handed Pacers will be a 50-win team (other than the depth of the Eastern Conference) and a total contrast to Harden's likely illogical victory in this category.

All-NBA Teams: 

First Team: G-Chris Paul, G-Kobe Bryant, F-Lebron James, F-Kevin Durant, C-Marc Gasol

Second Team: G-Russell Westbrook, G-Tony Parker, F-Carmelo Anthony, F-Tim Duncan, C-Joakim Noah

Third Team: G-Stephen Curry, G-James Harden, F-Paul George, F-Blake Griffin, C-Brook Lopez

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER: LeBron James, Miami Heat 
The final award of the evening is a total anti-climax, defeating the entire purpose of leaving it for last, but I digress... In a season where several players put up what otherwise would be very compelling MVP arguments, LeBron silenced all. The performance he delivered this season has made people legitimately discuss the idea of a living player possibly being as good or better than Michael Jordan, and not be thrown in an insane asylum. And that's really that needs to be said.

My 2013 All Star Ballot

Voting for the NBA All-Stars is always a painful process for me.

While it only takes a couple of minutes, and doesn't cost a penny, it's an attempt to put forth an honest assessment of the NBA season so far; casting a vote for the players I truly feel deserve to be there, that generally represents a flawed system. I know any attempt to have the most deserving players in the game will be bastardized.

See, anyone with a rational understanding of basketball and/or politics knows that NBA All-Star voting is no less a popularity contest than a 5th Grade class president election. Fans of all ages, exposures to the game, and levels of bias/education/intelligence have a say as to who starts (as it technically should be in any democracy) but it all too often sees the wrong players donning the All-Star threads (for dramatic examples see Ming, Yao and Carter, Vincent Lamar).

To make matters worse, both fans and coaches (who vote for reserves and often suffer from the same bias/ineptitude issues) were shackled by position restrictions that mandated the inclusion of dubious players. Thankfully, the League has spared us the Jamal Magloire Experience this year and abandoned the forced inclusion of centers, finally realizing that evolving athleticism has almost caught up with size and a lot of their best players aren't big men anymore.

While this revelation takes some of the pain away, it still numbs my brain to know that 218,246 people think Kevin Garnett deserves to be starting (as he likely will be), and Ray Allen has the 5th-most votes of any guard in the East. Before I vomit all over my keyboard and can't write the rest of this, let's get to the rational side of the argument (I know mine's just an opinion too, but at least it's thought out and backed up), Banter's 2013 All-Star Ballot:

EAST

Lebron James
I'll get the obvious one out of the way after Lebron spent 2012 jamming his size 17 signature Nikes down every hater in the World's throat and shows no signs of his reign ending anytime soon, now that he's shooting 3's at a 40%+ clip and looking even more unguardable. He's done settling the "best player on Earth" status, so while he works on the "best of all time" spot, he's a lock for this game.

Carmelo Anthony
Aside from a certain incident involving a bus and some Honey Nut Cheerios, 'Melo's been everything the skeptical masses demanded from him coming into this season from a basketball standpoint. He's still scoring at an All-World rate, but within the flow of his team's offense and not to the detriment of New York's win total, which is higher at this point in the season than it's been since Patrick Ewing was in town. It was a given that fans would be voting him in anyway, but unlike last year, Anthony has a positive leader on an East contender, making his place here well-earned.

Josh Smith
There were several deserving big men for this spot (Tyson Chandler and Joakim Noah most notably) but consider my inclusion of three swing forwards in the East's frontcourt as a slight "Fuck You" to the NBA for the years lacking centers appearing in this game. Smith was a deserving candidate last year, but had his spot given to his own overrated teammate by the coaches. Now that Joe Johnson's being paid too much money by another team, Smith has singled himself out as the biggest reason why Atlanta's performing at a level above last season, and everyone's expectations. He's an all-around beast of an athlete who stuffs stat sheets like few others and will be good for at least a few jaw-droppers when he makes his first All-Star appearance (keep in mind this guy tried to do a between-the-legs dunk in a playoff game once).

Paul George
Speaking of athletic stat-stuffers, George has come into his own this year as the bona-fide Man on the Pacers. Long-considered their most talented player, PG's rise was somewhat hesitant after Danny Granger went down and left a scoring void that he was capable of filling, but hadn't been called upon to at the pro level. When it became apparent that newly-minted Max-Man Roy Hibbert wasn't getting the job done, George came out in beast mode, not only filling the scoring void, but doing just about everything for the Pacers, who still lead the Central despite the absence of their most accomplished player. George has been a capable scorer from inside and out, and will only become more dangerous as his confidence grows, showing enough stride over the past couple months to reduce Indiana's former All-Star swingman to trade bait.

Rajon Rondo
Stat-padding aside, Rondo's been by far the best point guard in the East so far this season, and although it's becoming apparent he'll likely never be a consistent outside threat or decent free-throw shooter, he affects the game in so many other ways that borderline on dominance. His awkward effectiveness is only heightened by the fact that he both looks and plays like an extra-terrestrial, but there's no denial of his being elite on both sides of the ball, and though Boston's typical early-season quagmire's been murky this year, Rondo still has to be here.

WEST 

Tim Duncan
The Spurs are again defiantly staring Father Time in the face, rocking a top-3 record in the West and looking every bit like the legit Title threat we've learned not to count them out as. At the forefront of this (all respect due to Tony Parker) has been Duncan's trademark methodical brilliance, which to still be doing at his age, after so many deep playoffs runs, is just remarkable. There really isn't much to go on about here, Duncan's been an elite NBA player for longer than most of us can vividly remember, and his regulated-minutes numbers are incredible for one of the League's most dangerous teams. He's blocking 2.6 shots/game this year. In 30 mins. At age 36. Seriously.

Kevin Durant
One of two no-brainers in the West, Durant has been playing above adjectives as OKC shook off the sudden James Harden trade, started completely obliterating teams at Durant's whim, and now look like the favorites in June. He's taken his D to another level and is fucking with the offensive Holy Grail of .50/.40/.90. If you cast a ballot that didn't have his name on it, you should try watching curling, you're not a basketball fan.

Marc Gasol
Either Gasol or Zach Randolph had to be here, and choosing between the two was relatively difficult. It ultimately came down to Gasol's versatility: he's a capable scorer who's also the best playmaking big man in the NBA and the backbone of a defense that ranks near the top of every major stat category league-wide. Randolph might be Memphis' go-to guy in the clutch, and he's a couple of monster nights that have single-handedly won them games, but Gasol's subtle brilliance is more important to the Grizzlies in an all-around sense, and the once-infamously one-sided trade that saw him swapped for his brother has been re-written.

Chris Paul
As increasingly difficult as it is to wrap my head around the concept that the Los Angeles Clippers have the 2nd-best record in the NBA, there should be little doubt in the ability of this young man to bring out the best in even the most historically flawed franchise in pro sports. Paul's credentials really don't need to be repeated; he's by a wide margin the League's best quarterback, and his presence gave the stingiest billionaire in the World enough confidence to invest in this team and provide a pleasant contrast to the depressing mess going on with LA's other team.

James Harden
The irony is that BY FAR the toughest decision on this ballot was choosing between Harden and his former OKC running mate, Russell Westbrook. The reality is that Harden has been an absolute monster on Houston so far, completely justifying his unwillingness to take less money from the Thunder by proving himself  as an elite 2-way player that a franchise can build around; exactly the kind of player Houston had been trying to land for years, and the only reason they'll be challenging for a playoff spot down the stretch. The further irony, of course, being that after several seasons of All-Star searching after Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming drifted away, Rockets fans will get to see Harden rep their team in the big game on their home floor.