Banter's 2015-16 NBA Preview: Part II - The West

We got the (L)East out of the way, now time to move on to the Bestern Conference:

15- Portland Trailblazers
There's bad offseasons, and then there's what happened to the Blazers this summer, which ranks somewhere between the Ashley Madison hack and Fantastic 4 among 2015's biggest mishaps. Losing five of your six best players in two weeks is something an NBA team rarely has to cope with, but the Blazers got dealt a "Rebuild" card about as swiftly as can be done.

Damian Lillard will be on the warpath, and that itself might be enough to win Portland a few games. They have the faint potential to form a passable nucleus of the young talent they've scrapped together, but guys like CJ McCollum and (especially) Noah Vonleh are unproven and won't keep Portland from freefalling this year.

14- Los Angeles Lakers
The Lakers are just a complete nightmare right now. Having Lou Williams, Nick Young and Kobe on the same roster is like playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with one ball. Their opening night starting frontcourt are two of the most washed "name" players in the NBA. Ron Artest is on their team again.

I guess it's the Lakers, so the season prognosis could easily include a Brandon Bass/Nicki Minaj TMZ sex scandal, Jordan Clarkson assault arrest, or rehab for Ryan Kelly. At least all indications are that D'Angelo Russell is the truth, and Julius Randle will (let's hope) play more this year, which saves the Lakers from being totally forsaken.

13- Minnesota Timberwolves

There's plenty to be excited about for Minnesota fans - the most since Kevin Garnett first burst onto the scene. They've got an enviable troupe of young upstarts, led by back-to-back #1 picks, at least one of whom appears to be a home run in the making. But there will definitely be growing pains, almost inevitably a Ricky Rubio injury to weather, and Flip Saunders' difficult cancer battle looming over the season.

Nik Pekovic and Kevin Martin linger as lame-duck cap-cloggers (though Martin's current deal is an absolute steal for Minny), while the Wolves develop some kind of an identity from their youth movement. They could be a couple spots better if Wiggins leaps and Karl Towns justifies the hype, but they're a few years short of becoming a force in a conference this deep.

12- Denver Nuggets
The Nuggets have been the NBA's official Team Purgatory for years now. Stuck somewhere in that awkward phase between contending and rebuilding, they seem stubbornly bent on pushing against the major championship-or-bust trend sweeping the league.

This year should be no exception; don't count on Denver to challenge for either the playoffs or best lottery odds, as they race to the lower-tier of mediocrity. Losing their best player certainly won't help, as Ty Lawson's alcohol antics drove him in a swerving Benz out of town. As such, the Nuggets will be leaning heavily on highly-touted rookie Emmanel Mudiay to get touches for their shooters (Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler) and create for their offensively-limited bigs (JJ Hickson, Kenneth Faried). Mudiay has the makings of a strong pro, but no doubt will be a downgrade at first from Lawson's lethal slash-and-kick filleting. The Nuggets should get a strong season from Gallo, after he went ape-shit down the stretch last year and appears to be every bit healthy.

The presence of Mike Malone will definitely benefit this squad though; a great coach (anyone who breaks through with DeMarcus Cousins deserves a 30 for 30) who got waxed in brutally comical fashion in Sacramento. Good to see him back on the sidelines, but this team needs far more than just a strong coach in their long-term plot.


11- Sacramento Kings
This season's Sacramento Kings have the potential to be one the most fascinating teams in NBA
history.

They are Russian Roulette in the form of a professional sports franchise; so many possible outcomes - not many of them good. We could start with George Karl and the aforementioned DeMarcus Cousins; a union of old-school coach and volatile superstar that (to the surprise of absolutely nobody) is already being massaged in the media. Then add in Rajon Rondo, the petulant would-be star who wore out his welcome with two teams in the past 9 months and is playing very much for himself this season.

Those two variables alone are enough to cause intrigue, but then consider that Vivek Ranadive -probably the most unpredictable owner in the NBA - is calling the shots, Getcha popcorn.

10- Dallas Mavericks
So this wasn't exactly a good offseason for Mark Cuban and the Mavs.

Tyson Chandler is gone. So is Monta Ellis. As too is DeAndre Jordan (too soon?), and even an en-vogue asset like Al-Farouq Aminu. The players Dallas is counting on to fill the void are a rag-tag bunch of has-beens (Sam Dalembert, Deron Williams, Raymond Felton, etc), a solid 3rd big (Zaza Pachulia) and the immortal JaVale McGee. Their best acquisition - and most costly gamble - just came off achilles surgery. Their lone star (it is Texas) is 37 years old. These are facts.

Dallas rode Nowitzki to a truly outstanding run over the past 15 years, but this might be the end of the line for a team that's missed the playoffs just once since 2000.

9- Phoenix Suns
It was a (politely put) interesting summer in Phoenix; one marked by a series of Markieff Morris hissy-fits and the quizzical decision to ink Tyson Chandler. Chandler's an elite defender and efficient scorer - definitely a guy you want on your team - but his arrival stymies the burgeoning Alex Len, and reeks of a "contend now" mentality; something the Suns are nowhere near.

Though Morris is putting up the "All is Good" front with the media, Ryan McDonough might be strongarmed into trading him sub-value as he was with Goran Dragic last February. Phoenix's backcourt is dangerous (especially against unathletic guards), but they have a lot of question marks on the wing and at the four (which is basically a wing position now anyway). If Mirza Teletovic fits well and Morris avoids doing Morris things, Phoenix could challenge for the playoffs, but count on this one turning out like their last two efforts.

8- Utah Jazz
If there's a walking argument for the value of a good rim protector, it's Rudy Gobert and the Utah Jazz. Last season, the Jazz were a lottery-bound defensive flounder with Enes Kanter - a porous defender - playing most of their center minutes.

With Gobert's ability demanding a starting spot, and the unhappy Kanter demanding a trade, Utah's play was obvious. They went 19-10 post-trade with the Rude Boi starting, and became one of the NBA's best defensive teams overnight. The Dante Exum injury is an unfortunate wrench in their plans (Trey Burke's not exactly an ideal starting PG), but everything else about this team - from Alec Burks' return, to continued growth from pretty much their whole young lineup (especially the recently-23 Gobert) is trending up.

Dallas and Portland's summers of despair left voids in the exclusive West Playoff Club. With OKC certainly taking one, the Jazz look like a safe bet to nab the last spot.

7- New Orleans Pelicans

Team Brow is on the come-up, but unfortunately for them, the West is more stacked with legit
contenders right now than any conference ever.

This is basically an identical roster to the one the Pelicans closed shop with in early May, but a few things have shifted: 1) they'll (very likely) be healthier than last year, 2) they'll be coached by someone who actually knows what's happening on offense, and most importantly 3) they'll get another year of frightening development from Anthony Davis.

Once unleashed in Alvin Gentry's full-throttle system, Davis is likely to cause the type of devastation normally reserved by violent typhoons for small Pacific islands. Davis - the NBA's PER leader - was just 26th in usage rate last year (behind the likes of Marreese Speights and Ish Smith). You can bet that number will go up significantly, but don't count on the Pelicans to crash the West's VIP party just yet.

6- Memphis Grizzlies
It sucks for me to have to demote my favorite team after they got better this summer (convincing Brandan Wright to sign for as little as he did was a shameless pillage), but such is life in the West these days.

You know what you're getting with Memphis: a gruesomely slow, rugged game; physical harassment from Tony Allen, physical abuse from Zach Randolph, methodically efficient two-way surgery from Marc Gasol and Mike Conley, and fewer team defense leaks than you'll find in pretty much any lineup. Memphis will make you struggle to score, but the question remains if they won't give themselves the same trouble.

Jeff Green failed to put them over the hump offensively last season, and while the bench got grittier this summer (Wright and the always-bout-it Matt Barnes) the Grizzle need shooters, and guys who can contrast the #GNG mentality offensively, in order to get to the next level.

5- Houston Rockets
The Rockets have drawn an unusual amount of on-the-low hate from both pundits and fans who
shame their plain-oatmeal offense, James Harden's alleged flopping, and just about everything Dwight Howard does.

Entangled partly in that sentiment has been Houston's exclusion among the trendy "contenders" heading into '15-'16, even after this team snatched the 2-seed as a walking ICU, then made the West Finals. Adding Ty Lawson was huge (especially given his crisis-sale price tag), giving them another uptempo playmaker who's highly adept at getting into the paint the creating open looks - the maxim Houston's offense thrives upon.

Losing Josh Smith is negligible with Terrence Jones and Donatas Motiejunas both returning healthy; the Rockets can surely count on better continuity this season with fewer bodies in and out of service. It's hard to keep them out of the top four; I feel like I might be selling Clutch City short. But then there's...

4- OKC Thunder

I could probably just write the words "Kevin Durant" here and be done with it, but we'll take a closer look: OKC has a sneakily-deep rotation, offset only slightly by the presence of defensive duds (Enes Kanter) and delusional pseudo-stars (Dion Waiters).

While Kanter is an obvious liability on D, he also shares the paint with arguably the NBA's most feared help defender (Serge Ibaka); a slight deterrent against picking on him too much. DJ Augustin has proven himself a high-energy pocket rocket of a backup PG; one who won't give 2nd units much of a breather when Durant or Russ Westbrook briefly hits the bench. Nick Collison is a crafty vet on a great contract, Steven Adams is a resolute backup big, and Anthony Morrow is about as dangerous a spacing threat as someone not named "Kyle Korver" can be.

Which is to say this team is more than just Durant and Westbrook, though those two on their own could probably carry the squad. Westy's Man on Fire  act will be much tougher to contain with a former MVP sharing the defense's attention, and a coach who can actually draw up plays on the Thunder bench. This could very well be their last shot at a title run with Durant - at the very least they could use a clean bill of health for once.

3- L.A. Clippers
The Clippers' offseason could be described in many ways, but "entertaining" is probably the most accurate way to sum it up. Not only did we get witness the Passion of the DeAndre unfold in real time, but saw the Clippers upgrade their pathetically shallow roster in the most hilarious ways possible.

First is the Paul Pierce/Doc Rivers dynamic, reuniting two infamous Ubuntu veterans who just happen to have two of the highest villain profiles in the NBA right now; they'll feed off each other like vinegar and baking soda. Then there's the Josh Smith signing, tossing a possibly-reformed knucklehead into a delicate chemistry mix (Chris Paul's temper is shorter than Earl Boykins, and this franchise is absolutely feeling the "Win Now" burn). As if Smith weren't enough, they nabbed a never-reformed knucklehead in Lance Stephenson, setting up two certainties: 1) Rivers will fully earn the coaching portion of his salary this year, and 2) Lance/CP3 will be Banter's official Buddy Comedy for the upcoming season.

But see the thing is, unless Stephenson completely implodes (he won't have nearly as much room to wreak havoc as he did in Charlotte), these moves make the Clippers a much more rounded, frightening team. They might finally have the depth around their stars to crack the West, but there are a couple minor issues in their way:

2- San Antonio Spurs
So the Spurs have LaMarcus Aldridge now. That's a thing that happened. Essentially giving up Tiago Splitter (a fine asset, but not a fringe-MVP), RC Buford and Gregg Popvich pulled a coup that forces the whole NBA to take notice that they weren't finished. But these are the Spurs, of course they aren't.

As Aldridge assumes the go-to offensive duty, he'll have reigning DPOY Kawhi Leonard flanking him with omnipresent brilliance and the still-Big 3 of Duncan, Parker and Ginobili settling in as the sickest role-player corps in modern NBA history. The Alamo has just a stupid amount of depth up front, with Boris Diaw, David West, and Matt Bonner also seeing minutes. This is contrasted by the backcourt losses of Cory Joseph and Marco Belinelli, whom the Spurs will amply replace because, well, they're the Spurs.

Leonard and Danny Green are locked up long-term on very thrifty deals, putting San Antonio in great position once their leadership fully recycles and Duncan & Co. retire. But forget the future, this team is going to be a dynamite-spiked wrecking ball this year. Just keep clear of the devastation.

1- Golden State Warriors

Even in what could prove to be the most top-heavy conference in NBA history, you still have to give Golden State the benefit of any doubt. They blitzed the league at a historic level for 82 games, then marched authoritatively to a title. They made no major moves because they didn't have to (essentially turning the book-bloating David Lee into bargain-basement Jason Thompson), and even with the Spurs' jackpot summer, figure to be the better regular season team.

While San Antonio adjusts to their new centrifugal figure and rests their aging stars, the Warriors will benefit from the continuity (<--NBA buzzword alert) and swagger of being an unaltered squad, not to mention the champs. They're deep, and can cause matchup nightmares for just about any type of lineup, making them perfectly suited for the 82-game long haul.

A summer of hearing how the Spurs are now the favorites, and the Dubs somehow "got lucky" (c. Doc Rivers) last spring, has provided a little extra motivation to the title defense. These guys are pissed. And they're more than capable of taking out some frustration.

I'll be wrapping things up with Part III (The Hardware) next Monday, get involved.

The Start of Something Good

I usually try and avoid writing too much at the beginning of the NBA Season for 3 reasons that all stem from the same root - the small sample size of games we've seen:

1. Opinions and analysis are fickle and changing at an NFL-like rate
2. It's much harder to make educated observations and not use terms like "so far" and "it seems"
3. Many assertions are totally liable to turn upside-down and make me sound like an idiot

That said, with nearly a month gone by in the season, and 10+ games for all teams, we're beginning to see what trends are emerging with serious traction, and will play a relevant role in how this season plays out. The good news for NBA junkies is that most of it points to this season being one of heavy competition - at least outside of Philadelphia, which is where I begin my rants about some of the things that have stood out to me this season:

The Sixers are Historically Awful
Philadelphia was clearly shook after gracefully losing 26 straight games last year and not getting the Draft's top pick, or even a guy who'd play his rookie season for the second straight year. So they gutted their roster even further and now pose a very realistic threat at breaking the NBA's all-time mark for the worst single-season record at 9-73 - also held by the Sixers.

I don't like using my own NBA knowledge as a benchmark for a team's relevance, but have to in this case. I know very little about most of Philadelphia's roster (and don't feel compelled to since most of them will be out of the league soon enough) which says a thing or two about just what they're fielding this season. I take Michael Carter Williams' open letter at face value; they are  trying, it's just that their talent level is woefully outmatched by every other team in the league.

This roster's worse than the one the the that preceded it, and unfortunately for the Sixers (or perhaps fortunately for their clear motives) there aren't two handfuls of teams chasing Lotto balls this year, which makes for far fewer winnable games.


The Kings are This Year's Suns (Or are the Pelicans?)
Last night's NBA slate saw an intriguing encounter between two West upstarts seeking to break onto the Playoff scene. One of them was highly probably to ascend the conference's stiff hierarchy this year, while the other has instantly vaulted itself from lottery doormat to early-season powerhouse.

Let's settle something quickly: the Sacramento Kings aren't as good as the season's first couple of weeks suggested. Granted, they beat up on some tough competition, but have shown cracks in their consistency over the past few games, allowing New Orleans to overwhelm them offensively in last night's third quarter, while themselves losing their offensive rhythm and playing sloppy, turnover-prone ball. The same sort of meltdown cost them a seemingly-inevitable W against Memphis last week. They should be in the mix for a lower-tier Playoff spot however, with both their team defense and ball movement having improved noticeably from last year, and DeMarcus Cousins playing like a can't-miss All Star.

New Orleans will also contend for the postseason barring a serious injury. Their roster is undeniably shallow, but they field a killer 7/8-man rotation that can contort to pretty much any size opposition, and score at absurd rates when they're all clicking (and Tyreke Evans isn't in pseudo-LeBron mode). Which brings us to:

Anthony Davis Probably Isn't Human
Quick question: Who holds the NBA's all-time record for single-season PER?

You'll have to go diggin' in the crates for the answer, all the way back to Wilt Chamberlain's 1962-63 season: a PER of 31.82. For the record, he averaged 45 points & 24 rebounds per game that year.

He's closely followed by a slew of seasons in the 31 PER range by somewhat-notable names like Michael Jordan. LeBron James, and Shaquille O'Neal. Kevin Garnett's best season was a 29.44, Dirk Nowitzki's a 28.06, and Tim Duncan's a 27.06.

Keep that in mind when noting that 21-year-old Anthony Davis is currently on pace for a PER of 36.16, or in basic English, the most efficiently dominant NBA season in history by a considerably wide margin. 

The Thunder Are In Trouble
My title here was going to be "Thunder Can't Catch a Break" but that would just be, as politically-correct people say, 'too soon'.

Two broken bones - one in Kevin Durant's foot, the other in Russell Westbrook's hand - have put OKC's season in serious turmoil, as their offensively-challenged teammates struggle to keep pace in the meantime. Even Perry Jones couldn't stay on the floor once he emerged as the unlikeliest of point-producers.

Whether you want to blame God, Lil' B, or some Sonics fan with a Clay Bennett voodoo doll, the Thunder are suddenly in a deep hole when you consider how competitive the West has become. Last year, in a nightmare conference that was still softer than this year's version, the 8th seeded Mavs lost 33 games. By that loose standard (which should be give-or-take about this year's mark), OKC will currently have to win 65% of its remaining games just to make the Playoffs.

That number will only amplify the more they dip beneath .500 with fewer games remaining. Westbrook is still around two weeks away from returning, and there's been a conspicuous lack of updates surrounding Durant's progress. Any delays to their rehab, or extended periods of acclimation, will likely sink the Thunder's season.


David Lee Should be Dealt
A lot has been made about the Warriors' roaring start to this season, particularly their having been able to do so 'without David Lee'. Well, allow me to posit another take on things: The Warriors are better 'without David Lee'.

Golden State's M.O. is pretty clear: They're a strong defensive team who relies more offensively on floor-spacing and wing scoring than any other roster. A truly strong defensive  team is a lot like a Greek phalanx, with each part protecting not only itself, but another; one glitch in the armor exposes the whole unit. The Warriors already field one "glitch" in Steph Curry, who gambles too much and is bullied by bigger guards. In addition, Lee - rebounding aside - is, by some metrics, the very worst post defender in the NBA. That's 40% of your 'strong defensive team''s starting lineup being somewhere between "sketchy" and "complete fucking liability" on defense.

Meanwhile, Lee's replacements - Marreese Speights, and lots of small-ball sets with Draymond Green and Harrison Barnes - have provided the Warriors with more toughness and mobility on D, and better offensive spacing; they patch up Lee's gaping defensive shortcomings while conforming to the team's scoring M.O. This is to say that Lee's net detriment to the Dubs' defense is greater than his marginal benefit on offense. It's pure addition by subtraction; we saw it in 2013 when they over-performed without him in the Playoffs, and we're seeing it again now. It should become an issue when Lee makes his return.

The Concern About Cleveland was Misplaced
First of all, the obvious: Cleveland is absolutely abhorrent defensively. Everyone suspected as much with their leaks at PG and PF and no semblance of a post-bound rim protector, but the results have been rock-bottom. Their 104 oppg is the worst mark of any likely Playoff team, and their offense hasn't yet reached the consistent level of omnipotence it was pegged for (though since their six-assist game it's definitely turned a corner).

But there's room for this figure to improve: first, the Cavs have faced an inordinately high number of good offensive teams; only two of their opponents so far (Utah, and of course, the Knicks) rank in the League's bottom half scoring-wise. Second, their poor team defense should improve marginally over time, not only in welcoming back Matthew Dellavedova (by far their best-defending guard), but becoming more accustomed to each others' habits and deficiencies. Third, Cleveland holds a valuable trade exception, which will almost certainly be used to pilfer a rim protector from one of the many teams hoarding cap space like food before a nuclear holocaust.

The real problem: Cleveland is relying far too heavily on its Big 3, who presently rank 3rd, 4th, and 5th in minutes per game. This is bad for a number of reasons; not only does it make Cleveland more of a static roster that doesn't conform well to mismatches, but it obviously puts them an injury away from serious issues (see: Thunder, Oklahoma City). More damning, it wears down their stars for an expected Playoff run, which is terrible news since a) LeBron has more miles on his body in the last decade than anyone in the NBA and, b) Neither Irving nor Love has ever been to the Playoffs, and have no concept of saving something in the tank for the postseason grind.

How 'Bout Them Grizzlies?!?!
And then there were my beloved Grizzlies, atop the West at 10-1 after a miraculous comeback against the Kings, and total ass-kicking of Houston in a battle of the West's best. This comes as a surprise to many, but not necessarily myself, all bias aside.

Memphis was saddled by injury for most of last season, missing Tony Allen and two-way beast Marc Gasol for large chunks of the regular season. When healthy, they sported one of the West's best records, and then came within a Zach Randolph suspension hair of knocking off the Thunder in the first round.

This year they return the same suffocating defense, only with an added boost on offense, not only from the continuity of a revitalized Courtney Lee (a midseason addition last year), but the arrival of Vince Carter, who suddenly actually plays defense. As a plus, Mike Conley's becoming ever-more proficient as a scorer-distributor, and Allen's made up for his critical lack of shooting and ballhandling by becoming one of the NBA's best guards at moving without the ball, whether it be well-timed screens, or back-door cuts on sleeping defenders. This overall attack has made it much harder for opposing defenses to sag down on Gasol and Randolph in the post, which used to be an easy foil for the Grizzlies' offense (anyone who watched the 2013 West Finals knows this all too well).

So for those of you who seem to think another team is destined to rise to the West's penthouse, be warned that it won't be an easy entry. Whether it's the Warriors, Clippers, Spurs, or eventually Thunder who come knocking, this is a different iteration of the Grizzlies; a much more capable two-way team, and one who will play with a constant chip on its shoulder, in one of the NBA's most uninviting home arenas. I'm not prepared to call Memphis the West's undisputed best team, but if they're still here in April, don't act surprised.

Top 9s: The Tank Brigade

Welcome to the Tank Brigade; where the race for professional basketball's worst record is heating up.

Tanking has never been trendier; a shift induced not only by the massive talent pool in next year's Draft, but by a dynamic historical precedent. Not only does it (with very rare exception) take elite talent to win an NBA title - we're talking at least one bonafide Top-10 guy - but with stars aligning in big cities and taking salary cuts to help their teams dodge the cap, it's never been harder for small market/less established teams to land the best players.

The mentality that competing for a low Playoff spot is the League's worst position has never been so prevalent, leading most teams to shoot for the stars, or lie down in the dirt. While the likes of the Thunder and Pacers battle for the Association's best record, there's a more subtle fight in full force. One for the best odds in a gamble to determine a complete gutterball of a season's ultimate worth.

The very worst team stands only a 1 in 4 chance of landing the top pick on a record-based scale, and even a loaded Draft class like the one upon us can have its busts.The Lottery is still very much a gamble. This is degeneracy at its highest stakes; snuffing seasons and making fans wait on a relative dice roll. In a league where owners spent a lockout griping about "competitive parity" just over two years ago.

Some franchises are more or less banking on a lottery miracle, while others have set themselves up nicely for whatever they net in this Draft to join a promising foundation; stockpiling other assets and clearing cap space.

So here are the NBA's Nine worst teams as of today, ranked from worst to first in order of how well they've managed through this whole "Tanking" thing:

9. New York Knicks
Woops.

So this season hasn't been great for the Knicks; the kind that's swiftly gone from alarming, to laughable, to downright tragic.

Their presence here is dubious for any number of reasons, from their Playoff ambitions and gaudy payroll, to the future picks they stupidly dealt, crippling their rebuilding effort. The Knicks will have no first-round pick this season, or in 2016; saved by the Stepien Rule from burying themselves deeper.

They've also traded a slew of second-rounders, to make sage, competitively-priced acquisitions like Andrea Bargnani. This was a total dud of the contract that the Raptors were just praying to unload on some GM who, like most of America, had mostly ignored them and didn't know just how bad Bargs was. Then along comes New York, offering to give them three draft picks, along with cheaper, shorter-term deals, to take him off their hands.

They literally yanked their own safety net before nose-diving down the East standings, and now face an offseason of many questions, with no idea where to begin on an answer.

8. New Orleans Pelicans 
The Pels bought up their own stock prematurely, and currently owning the NBA's second-longest losing streak, are cruising towards an early summer, likely with no redemption in sight.

Like the Knicks, they mortgaged their Lottery equity for current assets, figuring their team to be better and the pick much lower. Sure enough, as soon as you could say "Point Guard Injury Epidemic" and "Tyreke Evans was a waste of money", the Pelicans tilted the scales of the Jrue Holiday deal heavily.

Unless they luck out and land in the top-5, Philly will get the Pels' first-rounder, ironically in exchange for the very player whose absence (along with Ryan Anderson) made this pick become so attractive.

So far, we've learned that Tanking is mostly sub-optimal strategy when you've given away your Draft picks and are among the worst teams by accident.


7. Sacramento Kings
That so much of Sacramento's next season lies in Rudy Gay's $19million player option is a mildly terrifying predicament, especially for a rebuilding team that gave up a bunch of expiring deals for him.

Working in their favor is that Gay has been playing arguably the best ball of his career, able to dominate the rock and shoot with no conscience on a team with low expectations. This might lean him towards putting himself on the market now while his stock's high; locking up another deal before he's dealt to a stricter team ('Rudy Gay's Expiring Contract' would be the most-floated piece in trade rumors next year) and his shot selection becomes an international punchline again.

With Boogie beasting, and a reasonable cap scenario long-term, this could be a solid team in a few years if the pieces come together properly, but so far the movement under new owner Vivek Ranadive has been mostly lateral.

6. Utah Jazz
The Jazz have done an outstanding job of clearing cap room and producing a 2013-14 on-court product that would surely suck enough to get a high Lotto pick.

The problem for them is they may have done it too well.

This team has few attractive pieces, with Enes Kanter, and to a lesser extent Derrick Favors, failing to make much of a leap in their expanded roles, and meshing poorly together as a tandem. Trey Burke will remain, as will Gordon Hayward (for a year, at least) but it's hardly enough to convince the kind of talent Utah's banking on to come spend most of their year in a trendy, must-visit NBA locale like Salt Lake City.

I'm predicting a Jazz offseason that exemplifies why not all cap space is created equal, and leaves them short on the Free Agent Haul.

5. Boston Celtics
The Celtics' season has been somewhat confounding. The two apparent objectives this year were: 1) Trade Rajon Rondo, and 2) Lose as many games as possible. The former didn't happen, and the latter only did after a counter-productively hot start under Brad Stevens.

The good news is that Stevens was an ace hire, and that several Celtics pieces - most notably Jared Sullinger - have seen a spike in value, both to the team and on the trade market. The bad news is that they still have to pay Gerald Wallace $20million over the next two years, and the continuing Rondo uncertainty makes their future very hard to define.

4. L.A. Lakers

The Lakers' range of possibilities for next season is extremely wide:

They currently have over half their cap next year (roughly $35million) invested in two guys who've each played less than ten games this year. That said, the latest round of Steve Nash retirement rumors seem more well-founded than in the past, possibly shaving $10m off the tab.

Since a very large chunk of their roster is off the books this summer, the Lakers (if Nash does hang 'em up) could have safely over $30million in cap space, along with a decent-at-worst Lottery pick.

How all that potential comes together is obviously a tricky variable; TinselTown has always been a favorite destination for big names, but there's no telling just how willing Player X will be to team with Kobe or commit to a rebuild.

With such a large window, the Lakers are sure to come back reloaded, but they only have to rewind their franchise one year to see how throwing a bunch of talent together can be an unmitigated disaster.

3. Milwaukee Bucks
John Hammond is a genius.

I don't say this in any facetious regard; I really think the guy's a mastermind. Last summer, the Bucks were staring an obvious rebuild in the face, with senile owner Herb Kohl demanding that the team stay "competitive" (read: pick in the late Lottery or get swept by Indiana/Miami).

Instead of condemning them to middling mediocrity, Hammond had a plan; he knew his owner was being an idiot, but he didn't want to get himself fired. So he went about his mandate under the appearance of legitimacy, inking deals and making trades that seemed aimed at the short-term, but weren't making Milwaukee any better . He even coerced sports' trendiest website into exaggerating his team's worth in their season preview.

Then when the curtains came up, the Bucks confirmed everyone's suspicions that they couldn't score. At all. Hammond then hired local goons to provoke new-signed defensive backbone Larry Sanders into injuring himself in a drunken nightclub meltdown. As a result, they own the NBA's worst record (/best Lottery odds), two promising prospects in John Henson and Giannis Antetokounmpo (it's his name, get over it), and little long-term financial commitment.

2. Orlando Magic
Few teams made being bad look as easy this season as the Magic, who have a bottom-3 record in the East and plenty going in their favor:

- they have two legitimate foundation pieces (Nik & Vic); they're the only serious tankers who can say that.

- their whole team is bathing in upside; a roster to which they'll add a potential stud in late June

- they have oodles of cap space, and play in Orlando, which between the sunshine, Disney World, and the lack of state income tax, is relatively prime Free Agent real estate


All added up, this should be a pretty quick turnaround for the Magic, which after Dwight Howard hijacked their franchise for 18 months, should come as comfort to their fans.

1. Philadelphia 76ers
THIS is how you suck. The Sixers have by far the largest pot of gold of at the end of this season's shit-rainbow.

First they snaked likely future-All Star Michael Carter-Williams late in last year's Lottery and had him miss a convenient amount of games. They'll get continued growth moving forward from a guy nobody thought would be this good. Then they whittled their payroll down to the bare bones; with somewhere between 17-32million on tap for next year, they'll be the least-constricted team in this summer's spending spree. All the while, losing almost methodically by playing a frenetic pace with a D-League roster.

The plot thickens with the oncoming arrival of potentially game-changing defensive center Nerlens Noel, along with (and here's the best part) not one, but two Lotto picks from the much-ogled 2014 Class. Not only do the 76ers have their own selection, but that of the Pelicans in the highly likely event it lands outside the Top 5.

After the Bynum disaster, the floor fell out beneath the Sixers quickly, but this team has enough going for it beyond this season that they'll likely wind up reaping the greatest spoils of the Tank Brigade.