Time Capsule 2017

Back in 2014, I did a piece called the Time Capsule, condensing the NBA season into its most significant or generally awesome moments, and tossing artifacts that represent them in a hypothetical stash for posterity and/or space invaders.

It was one of my favorite compilations to write, touching on the great (KD's MVP season, Adam Silver's debut), the not-so-great (the Dunk Contest), the hilariously bad (Josh Smith's shot selection), and the ominous (Cleveland lucking out a 1.7% chance at the #1 pick, which they would soon flip for Kevin Love).

So after an inexplicable two-year hiatus, the Time Capsule makes its triumphant return for 2017; the things to truly remember from this NBA season:

- Box Scores from Russell Westbrook's 42 Triple-Doubles
The notion of a player actually averaging a triple-double for an entire season seemed too outlandish in today's NBA. Sure, Oscar Robertson was able to do it 55 years ago, but in a vastly different league. Not only were defenses archaic, but opposition painfully less athletic. The whole league also played like it was on meth: the average team possessions per game was 96.4 this season, vs. 126.2 in 1962.

No longer facing complaints about passing to Kevin Durant, Westbrook took it upon himself to generate new complaints about passing to anyone at all. Along the way, his incessant stat-hoarding buoyed one of the NBA's shallowest rosters to a playoff spot, and just might, if narratives are any indication (and they definitely are), win him the MVP.

Whether you applaud or abhor his style, Westbrook made history this year, his compelling chase adding season-long excitement and awe.

- Sam Hinkie's Resignation Letter
Although over a year old, Hinkie's legendary farewell opus to #TheProcess resonated deeply this season, albeit posthumously.

The Sixers made strides as an organization for the first time in four years, and have nabbed in Joel Embiid - if good health prevails - exactly the franchise player Hinkie pined for. Next year they'll add Ben Simmons and the third pick in a loaded draft to their core.

It was a painful couple of years for Philly fans, but in a league where so few teams have reason to be hopeful, Hinkie martyred himself for their current salvation. Enjoy Bryan Colangelo.

- Mike D'Antoni's Razor & James Harden's Beard Trimmer
Sans his legendary mustache, Mike D'Antoni joined forces with another form of famous facial hair to spawn the surprise of the NBA season. Many felt that Steve Nash could never be topped as a D'Antoni muse, but James Harden swiftly curbed popular opinion.

While The Beard's confusing disappearing act/quaalude trip in the season's deciding game looms ominously, Houston spent several months as the talk of the NBA, mostly because of these guys.

- Adrian Wojnarowski`s ESPN Contract

- Game-Worn Shoes From Devin Booker`s 70-Point Outing

- One-Way Plane Ticket, New York to Chicago, Dated Jan 9 2017
In one of recent memory's most mystifying incidents, Derrick Rose just up and bounced from the Knicks one day, and didn't bother to really tell anyone. This became problematic for New York when they showed up to that night's game both without a starting point guard, and an explanation as to why. Obviously this could only happen to the Knicks.

Rose returned the next day, but his bizarre bail job was one of the many usual sideshows marring what was already an appalling basketball season in NYC.

- Bust of Phil Jackson with his Foot Firmly Inserted in his Mouth
It was a tough year for Phil. Not only did he face the stern reality that his basketball team still sucks, but made more verbal mis-steps than anyone not named LaVar Ball.

Building a strong case as an increasingly senile jackass, Jackson dropped tomes ranging from counter-productive to outright inappropriate, with an arrogance not befitting of his current circumstance.

- Charles Oakley's Tickets to Feb 8 Clippers @ Knicks Game
But yet still, the lowest point of the Knicks' season came when a petty beef between their childish owner and a former player - one who is revered by New York City and the NBA community - led to Oakley being mobbed by security, dragged out of MSG, and arrested.

Legions of fans, and players both past and present came out in defense of Oak, while James Dolan's ownership tenure grew another ugly, if not predictable stain.

- Giannis Antetokounmpo Jersey with Last Name Removed 
Before half the league knew how to spell or pronounce this kid's last name, he strode to the level of a one-name star. It's now just "Giannis", get used to hearing it.

- Potato Parcels

- Cupcakes

- One of Craig Sager's Suits 
The most touching part of this season stemmed from a sideline mainstay losing his battle with leukemia. Sager's passing was undeniably tragic, but the outpouring of support from all over the league - throughout his courageous fight and after its end, including an awesome All-Star Weekend contest - was an uplifting tribute to a man of amazing spirit (and questionable fashion). #SagerStrong.

- Zach LaVine and Jabari Parker's ACLs

- Detailed Map of Waiters Island

- Funeral Attire
Back in January, shit popped off between John Wall and Jae Crowder, resulting in an on-court fracas, locker room lockdown, and $40k worth of fines, as well as (directly) the NBA's best new rivalry and (indirectly) the best series of the playoffs.

The Wizards donned all black for their next Celtics meeting, but while winning that game, were ultimately the ones buried in a seven-game bout that stood out for its dramatic swings and pure visceral hatred between these up-and-coming East foes. Word to Kelly Olynyk.

- Stopwatch Frozen at 1 minute, 30 seconds
Because that's how long Klay Thompson held the ball - in 29 minutes of floor time - while dropping 60 on the Pacers. And that's completely fucking incredible.

- Psychiatric Evaluation Report of Vivek Ranadive
It's hard to tell what was more insane: trading DeMarcus Cousins for Buddy Hield (and a pick, whatever), or then claiming Hield has "Steph Curry potential". Dude's got some interesting stuff going on upstairs.

- This Sweater:


- This T-Shirt:



- This Photographer Vest: 


- Isaiah Thomas' Lateral Incisor
A heroic All-NBA season by the 5'9" Thomas was upended when his sister was tragically killed in a car crash mere days before the start of the playoffs. A distasteful debate thus raged across the court of public opinion; every talking head with a soapbox opining as to whether he should play.

Thomas chose to not only play, but to do so loudly enough to silence all of them. After Otto Potter went all Wolf Stansson on him, IT hung 53 points on the Wizards - most in a playoff game in 14 years - on what would have been his sister's 23rd birthday.

- Velociraptor Fossil
Because the asteroid that murked out the dinosaurs struck Toronto in the form of LeBron James.

- An X-Ray of Blake Griffin's Foot

- Jimmy Buss' Baseball Cap

- Chandler Parsons' Contract
"Chancun" looks like a decent gig for a $22 million salary. Speaking of which;

- This Tweet:


- And This One:



- Larry Nance's Crowning of Brook Lopez (and Timofey Mozgov's Reaction)

Among many memorable dunks this season, perhaps none was more vicious than Larry Nance Jr. putting the hapless Brook Lopez underneath the Jordan logo. As if enough bad things hadn't happened to the Nets already.  

Almost as incredible was Timofey Mozgov, who ran away like he'd just witnessed the Independence Day aliens attack or something. It was Mozgov's single most important contribution to the NBA season; slightly steep at $15 million, but at least it was more than Parsons brought to the table.                                                                        

- Tim Duncan's Retired Jersey

- A Pair of Big Baller ZO2s

- The MVP Ballots
This season`s MVP race was an exercise in futility; an attempt to separate the exploits of four players who put up historic campaigns that made this award a total skeet-shoot. Their virtues have been extolled at length, and while Russell Westbrook appears to be the favorite after his late-season push, the trophy going to any of he, Harden, LeBron, or Kawhi Leonard would be an acceptable outcome.

- Gregg Popovich's Pachulia Rant 

- The Skates Steph Curry Lent Rudy Gobert 

- TempurPedic Matress
Resting stars was never more of a hot-button issue than during this year's slog through the 82-game regular season. What was once a Pop Special became adopted league-wide, as coaches sat stars out for a litany of reasons ranging from injury prevention to preservation for the playoffs.

Obviously this drew the ire of league and media alike, especially when "rest games" coincided with the televised contests the NBA was recently paid so much money for. Fans both in the stands and at home were selectively deprived of the game's biggest names, a particular affront to those who'd purchased tickets in advance, expecting LeBron and instead getting Richard Jefferson.

There may not be a clear solution at present, so we can count on this dilemma persisting until a compromise is struck between burnt-out players and fed-up fans.

- This Instagram Post:

- And This One:



- Captain Obvious' Uniform
Hotels.com's wise-cracking spokesman is a pretty accurate embodiment of this season's outcome; one that anybody who wasn't braindead or woefully naive saw coming the second Kevin Durant dropped his Player's Tribune announcement.

The inevitability of a Cavs-Warriors Finals was unfadeable, and Golden State confirmed what many suspected in easily dispatching of LeBron & Co. While Once-King James is sent back to the drawing board, and masses of other teams bide their time, the Warriors seem very much an insurmountable force for the near future.

- Kevin Durant's Finals MVP Trophy
But above all, this should be remembered as Durant's year. For better or worse, he drove the NBA's major plotline this season (as well as many minor ones), and ultimately stood its greatest victor. Adding a championship to his Hall of Fame resume punctuated a dominant Finals, and a season where he made himself the alpha male of arguably the greatest team ever.

While his critics can still harp about the means to his end, the deed has been done. Durant's a champion, and doesn't appear ready to stop with just one. In a league where superstars are measured largely on their ability to win, he's put himself in a historic limelight. If there's one image that will linger and endure from this season, bet on this being it:

The Last Place Penalty

I got on the Shameless bandwagon this week; binge-watching the first season after more than a few friends recommended it, and I did my standard procrastinating. It's turned out to be clever, and hilarious so far.

I bring this up out of irony because there's something clever, hilarious, and ultimately shameless going on in the NBA right now. As if there were much doubt I'm talking about Tank-a-Thon, Riggin' for Wiggins, Impiid for Embiid, the Royal Fumble, or whatever other name you want to give the backwards race that's consumed so much of the Association.

The Sixers just reeled off 26 straight losses as a means to an end - catching up to Milwaukee (a team who was "supposed to compete" this year) and maximizing their equity in this year's lottery. It made headlines for all the wrong reasons, and drummed up plenty of media scrutiny, but the Sixers can't really be held to blame. Their season is merely indicative of a much larger problem; one that's run rampant amid the mainstream sport most driven by individual talent.

There's two sides to this issue, both legitimate gripes: One being that the NBA places too strong an incentive for front offices to engage in "tanking"; wasting their fans' money and time to get a stronger footing to - as they're paid to do anyways - put a winning team together.

The other is that it's never been easy for small-market teams to attract elite talent, a truth that recent trends suggest may only get worse for teams like the Bobcats, Jazz and Cavaliers. And in the interest of overall competitive parity, it's good that teams who, in theory, perform the worst and attract the least talent, have a means to level the field (by getting their choice of the best new players).

A dilemma's been created by conflicting interests; the NBA is sabotaging itself by either providing too little help for struggling teams (one of the many flaws of the "Draft Wheel" proposal) or, as they have now, fostering a system where losses are assets. Philadelphia's one of several franchises actively behaving counter-productively because league conditions have almost engineered it, the Sixers are just following an unfortunate trend and doing it better than everyone else.

A solution that's far from perfect, but makes more sense than the Wheel's convoluted selection schedule (seriously, the NBA has had enough of The Wheel, no need for another one), may be as simple as one commonly found in fantasy basketball: the Last Place Penalty.

Anyone who's ever played fantasy sports knows how easily a league can be wrecked by managers who abandon a season after combinations of injuries, poor strategy, and lack of interest sabotage their chances of winning. At some point, the person running the team figures the time they'd invest in managing rotations, making trades, paying attention to the wire, etc would be better spent, you know, actually doing stuff, since they can't win anyway.

Many people agree that this ruins the overall quality of a league, much in same way that tanking ruins the NBA's overall product. So, most competitive fantasy leagues feature a "Last Place Penalty"; managers will ante-up extra at the beginning of the year (usually 2x the league's buy-in), covering both their entry and the L.P.P (sort of like your damage deposit on a hotel room). At the end of the season, the league's commissioner refunds the penalty sum to everyone but whoever finishes last, with that money either added to the prize pool or broken up among the other teams.

This (in most cases) incentivizes fantasy managers to not totally throw seasons, and at least try to keep pace with everyone else, promoting season-long competition, especially in head-to-head leagues. By now you see where this is going; if the NBA's current Lottery system operated on these terms, the last place team would be paying no penalty, and getting a larger rebate than anyone else.

A pretty simple way to discourage teams from openly bombing as they have this year, while still giving relief to those that need it through the Draft, would be to incorporate the Last Place Penalty into the Lottery system. This would make teams at least think twice before pulling the chute on a season, and guarantee they wouldn't be as eager to slide in the standings.

The penalty could be anything; maybe the last place team automatically gets the 14th pick. Maybe they're levied a heavy fine, lose their mid-level exception that summer, or have to hire Mike Brown. Anything that outweighs the margin between a 20 and 25% chance at the first overall pick, and prevents careless abandon as a means of strategic improvement. It's one way to at least raise the bar somewhere acceptable, to where the NBA isn't being tarnished as easily as your Yahoo! league.

The Sixers have stumbled awkwardly through most of this season, Shameless-ly, like a waste-cased Frank Gallagher after a bender at the Alibi. Also like Frank, they'll be getting their disability check at the end of the month, and the system's going to keep getting worked until a change is made.

Fun Police: The Refs and Knowing Your Role

There's a serious problem visibly eating away at the integrity of the NBA.

No, it's not PED abuse, nor is it fighting and injury scandal; the typical type of topics plaguing professional sports. Nor is it thuggery and violence, the kind of issues that cynics blindly point to as prevalent because their rare instances make headlines. And as ridiculous as it's becoming, it's not even the laziness/incompetence that's slowly corrupting the League's award process.

This one is right in front of our eyes: The refs are stealing the show. David Stern's let the Elephants out of the pen, and we're all suffering because of it.

They're blowing calls. They're making inconsistent rulings. They're wildly suppressing emotion with the ever-looming threat of the dreaded T-Bomb, and in the worst cases, taking the game out of the players' hands in the most crucial moments. It's over-zealous. It's obstructive. It's bullshit. It's been subtly happening for years, but this season, it's getting intolerably out of hand.

Things hit a boiling point last night when veteran official Dan Crawford felt the need to set an authoritative tone in the ECF with three early T's on the Celtics over a seven minute-span; all for seemingly innocent, natural reactions during the course of an intense Playoff game. On the next dead ball, an irately perplexed Doc Rivers -clearly trying to calm every searing nerve in his body - approached the official seeking reason, but fell on deaf ears and crossed arms as Crawford stood there without even acknowledging him. Go Home Team! Clearly Crawford needed to get over himself last night; remember that players are allowed to dislike a call and that his role is to maintain a balanced, impartial playing field. Instead he, and far too many other refs, have seemingly formed a reckless Gestapo of dubiousness.

The irrelevant question is whether this is a result of David Stern over or under-exerting his control over the refs. The obvious answer is that he needs to, for lack of a more eloquent delivery, tighten his shit up.

The NBA was very lucky to escape the Donaghy Saga with as little damage as they did, despite his repeated attempts to expose what he alleged was referee corruption on a much larger scale. The consequent efforts to ease the minds of pundits and conspiracy theorists, hell to assure all of us that the refs are on the up and up, has been sluggish to be generous. It's understandable that calls get fucked up, but not to such an extent, and not when the games matter most, and as such, the most eyes are on the NBA.

What happened last night manages to delve even deeper: Referees holding such an Orwellian grip on a game's course compromises a large part of basketball's appeal. It's an emotional game: not only does it nearly-perfectly combine strength and agility in a momentous, swing-heavy competition, but players are much more personable; exposed fully without pads, helmets and visors. The NBA delivering its best product depends on these players being fully invested in the contest; not perpetually concerned about lingering whistles.

It's time to let the players play. Hopefully whoever manages the @NBA Twitter account caught wind of all the hysteria last night. And hopefully that person isn't a total pushover. Because the League can only suffer if nothing's done.

Got It Twisted: The MVP Ballots

Well, what we long suspected is official: Lebron James has etched his name in another Podoloff trophy, cementing his legacy among the greatest in NBA history, and making him likely, already, the best player to not have won a title. But not only should we be celebrating Lebron's maturation instead of still slighting him for last season, there isn't much to really talk about here; Lebron completely dominated every possible facet of a basketball game this year (even slightly improving his Achilles-esque free throw shooting) and as good as Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, and yes even Kobe were this year, if you don't think Lebron deserves the MVP, then you don't deserve a say in who gets these awards. In fact, one apparent "expert" gave Queen James a fifth-place vote (and another a fourth) which just hurts my brain trying to put into words, so after about ten minutes, I've pretty much given up.

The NBA intentionally allows voters to vaguely interpret "Value" by not setting out specific criteria. While this sparks debate, curiosity, and competition, it also promotes lunacy and bias, allowing for some completely dubious selections, and subsequent fodder for verbal warfare. While I wish the minds that decided these matters were keen enough to steer such an important task through abstraction, it's highly obvious that they need to be kept on a tighter leash, as evidenced not only by Lebron's anomalous 5-slot, but by the following examples of utter ridiculousness:

Dwight Howard - 3rd (1), 4th (1), 5th (5)

This might seem a bit hypocritical; I gave Howard the DPOY a few weeks ago without holding his year's worth of shenanigans against him. I tried to separate his immature mentality from his on-court performance, and felt that even at 75%, he was still he best defender in the League this year, his constant ability to alter a team's gameplan by mere presence still resonating. But this is a whole different story. Let's talk about "Value", principally defined by Merriam Webster as 'a fair return or equivalent in good, services, or money, for something exchanged'.  

The Orlando Magic paid Dwight Howard $17,149,243 this year to help them win an NBA championship. Instead of play his hardest and focus on the team, as he should, Howard half-assed it, coasting through games, expanding nothing about his game, having an obvious disconnect with his teammates, and committing more to his Twitter account than the Magic organization. All year this went on; you could call it pretentious if people weren't eating InDecision up like McNuggets. We thought it had finally come to an end when Howard re-upped at the deadline......But no. After already handcuffing the Magic's ability to build for the future for entire year, Dwight then sought to re-model the team in his eye, beginning with the attempted covert mid-season offing of Stan Van Gundy. As usual, Howard didn't handle things very smoothly and the news became public, creating an awkward rift that conveniently led to his first prolonged injury absence ever and the end of his time in Orlando, as they bowed out of the Playoffs' first round. Aside from being by far the most irritating, Dwight Howard was, at least by some definitions, the least valuable player in the NBA this season. 

Derrick Rose - 3rd (1) 

Not sure what logic led to this selection (likely a couple draught and an Illinois area code), but it's pretty mind-numbing. Derrick Rose is a very good basketball player; the reigning MVP and a consensus Top-10 player. That being said, if you were a die-hard Bulls fan who'd just awoken from a coma, and immediately asked how the Bulls did this year, if I told you Derrick Rose sat out almost half of this season, I could take everything you own on a bet that they tied for the League's best record. Not only is it ridiculous to be giving a vote to a player who spent as much time in Versace as Adidas, this season proved, if anything,    Chicago's a lot better without Rose than any of us thought. 

Dirk Nowitzki - 4th (1), 5th (1)

OK, Dirk put a ring on it, and he was amazing, we all saw. This year? Granted, he was coming back from an offseason of injury recovery and admitted complacency, but let's look at the raw numbers (I hate leaning on stats but this is an easy way to prove a redundant argument): Dirk averaged 21.6 ppg/6.7 rpg this season, shooting .457 from the field. You've gotta dig back to 99-00 - Diggler's second season - to find lower scoring and rebound averages, and he hasn't shot so poorly since his rookie season. The Mavs finished seventh in the West. And two people with the power to alter the course of basketball's most important regular season award think he was a top-five player this year? ......Yeahhhh, fuck off.

Tim Duncan - 4th (1)

This just kinda makes me laugh. All due respect to Tim Duncan and his legendary career, but I can't even really take this seriously, so I'm going to have some fun here; let's lean on more stats: If Brandon Jennings, DeMarcus Cousins, Chris Bosh, Antawn Jamison, Demar DeRozan, Paul Millsap, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Ty Lawson and Ryan Anderson averaged more points than you did this season, while playing fewer minutes than Hedo Turkoglu, Jared Dudley, Gordon Hayward, Marco Benlinelli, Alonzo Gee, Chandler Parsons and Zaza Pachulia, then you have no place on the MVP ballot. Some moron looked at San Antonio in first place, saw the forest for the trees, then clear-cut the entire thing with his giant theoretical bulldozer.  

Joe Johnson - 5th (1) 

After getting a good giggle in, this just kind of depresses me. It's sad for so many reasons: Joe Johnson's constantly playing at about 85-90%; the Hawks are paying him wayyyy too much money to lead them into a purgatory of mediocrity; Josh Smith has to endure yet another reminder of how much his season was slept on, and Larry Drew will have to deal with another quasi-meltdown as a result. Mostly it saddens me to think that someone who respects their knowledge of basketball enough to cover the NBA as a professional is either corrupted or stupid enough to think Joe Johnson was the 5th-best player in the League this year. In all honesty without a shred of bias of misconception, this guy wasn't definitely the best player on his own team this season, and they middled out in what's still the shallower playoff bracket. What the flying fucking hell is he doing anywhere near the MVP trophy? This is too much: the NBA needs to do something, ANYTHING between guiding these voters and replacing them, because anyone with half a brain who knows basketball and looks at these results has to start taking this as a bit of a joke. And any true NBA fan who has respect for the game and wants the best for it wants to see this award celebrated, not mocked. So, with that in mind, let's salute something they did get right: Your 2012 MVP, Lebron James. 

Call of Duty: Dwyane Wade and The Yao Ming Tragedy

It had almost been too long since a Miami Heat superstar put his foot in his mouth. Lebron James and Chris Bosh had been displaying an unbecoming mature silence of late, and perhaps aware of his slipping on-court contributions, Dwyane Wade made an odd mis-step with a very foolish public statement: That NBAers should be paid to play in the Olympics.

There's so much wrong with this: that it got said in the first place; that Wade isn't fit with the pride that comes from bringing your country the greatest honor you can; that he tried to cloak his selfishness by contrasting it to the plight of broke college students who are actually being taken advantage of...

Lost in the framing of ridiculous context is the single valid point Wade managed to make: "The biggest thing is now you get no rest,"... "So you go to the end of the season, [Team USA] training camp is two weeks later. You're giving up a lot to do it. It's something you want to do. But it's taxing on your body. You're not playing for the dollar. But it would be nice if you would get compensated." This is pretty reasonable, especially for a guy like Wade who hasn't taken a possession off since AAU, but does a guy like him with a $100 million contract, countless endorsements, and even more public appearance checks really need to pilfer his country's basketball program? You're either playing for the dollar or you're not Dwyane. Just be glad this isn't 1941; that'd be much more taxing free labor.

While Wade's statements are sure to rile up tons of misguided debate about the general selfishness and pretentiousness of pro athletes (remember, stupidity sells), the above excerpt calls to mind a very valid point made by Mark Cuban; that it's really the owners who are getting screwed. And even after I spent months ripping the owners for their near-squandering of our NBA season, I'm inclined to agree with him.

It's a touchy topic, especially without a large sample of players having been injured in the Olympics to draw scrutiny to the issue, but the truth about what International play can do to a player can be drawn from the tragic story of Yao Ming, who had his career stolen far too early in the name of his country's pride.

A lot of fans are quick to incorrectly lump Yao in the Greg Oden/Sam Bowie category; a massive body that wasn't built to hold itself and was bound for self-implosion. A fallacy. It doesn't take a Rocket scientist (sorry, couldn't resist) to see what happened with Yao, who played in 82, 82 and 80 games over his first 3 NBA seasons.

Meanwhile, his native China was developing technologically at an astounding rate, discovering basketball, and fucking loving it. Conveniently for their government, this explosion of popularity coincided with (and was undoubtedly helped by) Yao's dominance, and he became the face, heart, arms and legs of their national team. But this wasn't some once-every-four-years-biggest-tournament-in-the-world type shit; Yao would fly back to Beijing the day he hung up his Rockets jersey, every offseason, and begin touring with the Chinese team, essentially prolonging his basketball grind year-round. It's not like he had a choice in the matter...

The effects took hold quickly: Yao would play in 57, 48, and 55 games over the next three years, eventually missing entire seasons before shutting it down for good at the ripe age of 30. It sucked for Yao, but you know who really got the short end of the stick? The Houston Rockets.

Yao might've been cut down way before he was due, but he's still doing fine: he's a multi-millionaire, global basketball ambassador, and nothing short of a hero in China. The Rockets, on the other hand, were robbed of the NBA's best center in his prime. They had a #1 overall pick that they labored for years to get snatched from them, which in the process set their franchise back another decade or so. Forget the millions of dollars they lost, they gave up their equity in a championship foundation. Houston had plenty of reason to act a fool when David Stern shut down their Pau Gasol trade, but the underhanded crippling of Yao Ming was by far the decade's most overlooked NBA disaster. That a league allows its players and owners to be taken advantage of without protecting them against such crooked and self-destructive stupidity (you think Yao wouldn't still be the best player on the Chinese team?) is mindless.

The answer isn't obvious, but the question lingers and has to be addressed. With all the clamor about Wade's ridiculousness, there's got to be something said for this mess. If he goes down fighting for his country, he's not taking the ultimate loss, and at the end of the day, a couple extra dollars in his pocket will mean nothing next to what his absence will for his team and their fans.

"I Am Not A Role Model"

Immortal words from a man who's dropped almost as many memorable quotes as double doubles over the years. Charles Barkley was talking about all the troubling behavior most parents sneer at and fear from their children's idols: arguing with referees, brawling with the opposition, spitting on fans and talking more shit than anyone around the NBA would dare these days.

But while the NBA's definitely adopted a more (fan-) friendly approach since the M@P unleashed an almost 9/11-esque overhaul of public policy, basketball's very essence has allowed the league to manufacture a product that's very quickly creating a different kind of harmful role model.

Let's call the NBA what it is: the most star-driven of the Big 4 North American team sports. Not only is basketball the only one where any given star doesn't spend half the game on the bench, but its nature fosters the potential for players to dynamically affect the game in so many ways. Knowing this (and also knowing that Michael Jordan was a once-in-eternity blessing for them) the Sternbot and his cronies have gradually developed (through everything from their promotion style to hand-checking rules that pamper perimeter scorers) a league that puts even more emphasis on their best players, which has shown to exacerbate the already-bloated ego of the typical professional athlete.

The drama unfolding as we speak is pathetic: A guy who's far and away the most dominant two-way player at his position in the NBA (and has been for years despite not having given 110% in any game for about three seasons now) is holding a franchise, hell an entire city of sports fans, hostage at the trade deadline, feigning a slight interest in commitment so he can be courted in Free Agency. This guy (it's Dwight Howard for those of you who haven't figured out by now) has become just the latest in a long line of players who've manipulated franchises - usually for the worse - to get what their way (as if they didn't have enough), taking advantage of how important an asset they know themselves to be. It's a new breed of NBA star: the Diva. It's a disturbing and ridiculous trend.

Vince Carter. Stephon Marbury. Kobe Bryant (the OLD Kobe Bryant...Might also be worth noting that his diva act directly led to two championships). Lebron James. Chris Bosh. Carmelo Anthony. Add Howard to the list after yet another Twitter misstep (you'd think these guys would figure it out by now) made either of two things very clear: 1. Dwight Howard, despite being a nice guy, is clearly indecisive and insincere, two things you'd hope not to see in a franchise guy or anyone that had matured at all since leaving high school for the NBA. 2. Dwight Howard is a lying, attention-starved douchebag.

There's really no other way to look at it. Even if Howard truly is torn and loves Orlando as a city and team, they'd both be better off if he let them down easy and told them it wasn't going to work. Seriously. Dwight Howard is close to a decade into his NBA career and surely must know by this point if he's motivated by money or glory. Either way his decision's easy: The Magic can give him far more money than any other team, but aren't close to winning a title this season, or next season, and have someone who gave Rashard Lewis $400 quadrillion to shoot threes and ignore defense steering the helm of their franchise.

For the past eight months, Magic fans everywhere have been sleeping on beds of nails, while Howard's been happily Twittering around and listlessly dominating the paint, caught up in this fantasy while he captures headlines and sparks debate; the entire league caught up in his indecisiveness.

This is not what basketball's about.

It's about guys like Derrick Rose and Kevin Durant; guys who catch headlines with their play instead of their childish behavior. When it came time for them to make their future-binding decisions, they didn't flop their intentions around, hold nationally-televised events or ask their fans where to go, they just put pen to paper with the teams that drafted them and continued playing, sorry dominating, as if it had never happened. They're team guys; guys you'd want to bring home to Mom if you were a scout and "Mom" was an NBA GM. They're humble, work their asses off, and are never going to do what Dwight Howard is doing to basketball, hell pro sports, right now. What's sad and telling is that remarkably few players have been able to take heed from Rose and Durant, and that the masses continue to fuel their antics; giving the Dwights of the World satisfaction every time we click a trade rumor link.

I'd love, just for once to see a headline like "Rose keeps word, signs extension" or "Durant re-signs without first demanding trade". Because the guy who's just trying to go out there and win basketball games is becoming a rare breed.

It's Gonna Be a Long Winter...

Well, it's happened.

It lingered in the back of our minds all last season (as incredible as it was), loomed over our heads all summer, and as the weeks and days kept counting down, all we could do was watch in disbelief, and hope, against all indications, for salvation. No such luck.

After all the closed-door meetings, hardball tactics, verbal warfare, media obscurity and other muddling bullshit, we're left with an empty void where our 2011-2012 season was supposed to be.

With the NBAPA's head in a noose, there are obviously many more questions than answers about where the league's headed, but this situation has devolved beyond any fan's worst fears. Whatever the outcome, we're going to spend the coming months listening to painful litigation quotes instead of EJ, Kenny and Chuck, seeing more of David Stern and Derek Fisher than Blake Griffin and Kevin Durant (not that we haven't enough already), impossibly trying to fill the NBA's shoes with some other sport.

As a die-hard NBA fan, it took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened here. I committed a long ago to remove myself from the lockout; to not read into the shallow and misleading quotes being fed to the media dogs outside every meeting. Basically I was in denial, but now that we've been robbed of a season, I've been served the rudest of wake-up calls. I still don't know exactly how to feel; I'm shocked, a little depressed, but most of all I'm angry. No, sorry, angry doesn't really cut it, I'm fucking livid.

What enrages me the most is what's cost us this season: rich people being greedy. The casual uneducated fan would immediately assume I'm talking about the players for demanding pay increases when they're mostly already millionaires, but no, I'm talking about the ones even higher on the pyramid; the billionaires trying to manipulate them like puppets on strings.

I'm talking about Dan Gilbert, the small-market owner taking a hard line on salaries after he blew his chance to keep a once-in-a-lifetime talent by overspending on role players. I'm talking about Bruce Ratner, to whom the New Jersey Nets were little more than a chess piece (the piece Malcolm Gladwell did for Grantland's a must-read). I'm talking about every NBA owner (and it's the vast majority of them) that inked ridiculous contracts over the past decade, establishing an unsustainable spending pattern that was either going to drive them into bankruptcy or eventually screw over the players. And eventually just happened.

The facts are right in front of us: Right now, Vince Carter (10), Michael Redd (5), and Rashard Lewis (2) are all among the highest-paid players................(ok, just wanted to give you a second to absorb the fact that Rashard Lewis is actually making the 2nd-most money in the NBA), years removed from their last All-Star game, never franchise guys. There's plenty more: Hedo Turkoglu. Luke Walton. Erick Dampier. Beno Udrih. Jerome James. Joe Johnson. Amir Johnson. Josh Childress. Eddy Curry. Andrea Bargnani. Larry Hughes.....It goes on and on. No wonder they were losing millions.

What the owners have done with this precedent is present players with an illegitimate ultimatum: either accept a lower percentage of the BRI - and thus a sizable paycut - or the vast majority of teams continue to hemorrhage money while they try to keep up. They're looking for the guys who ultimately drive their investment and determine its value to shoulder the load for their own stupidity. That's why we're not watching the NBA right now. And that's fucking ridiculous.

The owners dug their own graves, and too proud (or savvy, whatever) to accept blame, took a hard stance applying pressure on those who they saw as below them. As much as I wish a deal could've been reached, a big part of me respects the players for not giving in, and furthermore for proving their love for the game: using the lockout to throw impromptu All-Star games and charity events, trying to ensure that Basketball Never Stops.

But today, it seems like it has. Sure, we can still watch college hoops, maybe find a good site for streaming EuroLeague games, but the fix we crave as basketball fans is going to be much harder to come by as we sit through what's sure to be long, cold winter.

Hope you all like hockey.

Fight For Your Right! Sacramento and the US Get Theirs

What a glorious Monday!

I say that somewhat facetiously because a) it's Monday, b) it's really shitty outside, and c) I just had a week in Vegas get thwarted (the post from the Bellagio sports book would've been something else...). But last night marked the culmination of the most epic wild goose chase of all time; the US finally tracked down Osama Bin Laden, and gave him what was hopefully the slowest death possible. Any day marking the end of the most heinous terrorist alive is one worth celebrating, and although this completes the prime objective of the vague and much-sidetracked "War on Terror", it hardly eliminates the threat that looms worldwide. We can only pray that the images of 9/11 remain horrifying memories that are never re-lived, and that those who have to live in constant fear of violence can be liberated by this endeavor.

On a much smaller scale, but still importantly, today also marks a massive victory for small-market NBA teams, as the Maloof brothers have agreed to keep the Kings in Sacramento for at least the next year while All-Star turned Mayor Kevin Johnson tries to cobble together the cash to keep the team around. The Maloofs say they were swayed by fan support and enthusiasm from several local wallets, but the Commish could have also -to a certain degree- finally put his foot down against owners being idiots with their money and shipping a franchise to the most attractive market to stop the bleeding, leaving a city of pissed-off fans and making everybody look bad. In either case, what was once the Association's most rabid fanbase can attempt to hold onto their only major sports team (hell, even their WNBA team folded) and find a new arena.

Aside from being a nice moral plus to a league that's never long on good PR, the non-move sets a valid precedent for owners, fans and local authorities. Hats off to KJ and his band of local businessmen. It's the closest save in recent memory, and proof that the right combination of enthusiasm and money can save a team from stupidity and greed. Well, unless this happens.

Back on the court, the 2nd Round got underway yesterday, with the Heat and Grizzlies pulling out impressive wins, with slight assists from some bad officiating and worse crunch-time decision making from Russell Westbrook;

Becoming the first 8-seed to first strike blood in Round 2 solidified Memphis as a threat. They frustrated the Thunder on D, moved the ball extremely well, and got a truly scary performance from their post duo. I immediately regret saying what I did about this series being a walk, but I also seriously doubt OKC will play worse than they did in Game 1 for the rest of this series. Westbrook was simply atrocious down the stretch, turning the ball over whenever he wasn't forcing bad shots and freezing out KD, who you know, only went on a personal 14-4 run to win their last game. No biggie.

Boston looked gassed against a Heat team that came out with too much intensity, and too much Dwyane Wade. A lot was made of Wade's regular-season struggles against the Celts (and his consequent 3-hour pregame shootaround), but he completely torched them yesterday, and harassed Ray Allen on every cut. The Celtics' D keyed in on him too much, leaving James Jones open for the easiest 25 points of his life. The story of this game was of course Pierce's questionable ejection, which punctuated a scrappy game and set the tone for serious rivalry. Furthermore, it highlights a league-wide crackdown on players' emotions that's, honestly, pretty f***ing stupid. Stupid, not only because of situations like this where a team's go-to scorer sat out the final minutes of a playoff game on a bad call, but because NBA basketball, especially in the playoffs, is an emotional contest that thrives off of players being 100% invested in the game. Putting the players on such a short leash, under constant scrutiny for getting into it with each other, can't be a healthy trend for a league facing a lockout.

But all complaints aside, today's about something bigger than basketball. Justice and a purpose were served in high order when Bin Laden took the Big L. Hopefully it's not the last step towards eradicating the type of hatred that continues to breed conflict.

The Appearance of Legitimacy

The 2010-11 NBA season, barely a fortnight old, will be a climactic paradox and carefully manipulated optical illusion. Most fans are going to be distracted by the trials of the Heat, the tribulations of the T-Wolves, the Lakers' quest for another 3-peat, and countless other compelling stories that are unfolding. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, a league that couldn't appear to have much more going for it is having, at least by David Stern's standards, a meltdown.


The last decade was far from kind to the NBA; two waves of economic crisis, rampant player misbehavior, dwindling ratings and attendance, Donaghygate, that whole dress code mishap...Things were another Damon Stoudamire drug arrest away from coming completely undone. The Sternbot, as usual, did a respectable job of protecting his product, but the owners got greedy and began overpaying mediocre-awful players of all shapes and sizes. While those ratings fell and attendance died along with the average American's disposable income, revenues hardly justified the reckless spending, but didn't stop the madness.


Jerome James. Raef Lafrentz. Brian Cardinal. Wally Szczerjiashnfk. Adonal Foyle. The Kandi Man. Beno Udrih. Erick Dampier. Eddy Curry. Rashard Lewis. Charlie Villanueva. Darko Milicic. Amir Johnson. Most recently, Mike Conley. A combination of temporary on-court brilliance and temporary front-office stupidity led to a lot of teams in small markets leaking money like blood in your typical Dexter episode...and the league's apparently losing millions, headed for a lockout, and talking about contraction. Things are about to get ugly.


The current CBA on its deathbed, its wake will be marred by bickering and litigation between players who are understandably pissed about not benefiting from this idiocy, and owners who can't afford to keep being, well, idiots. This idiocy might cost us the first few months of next season, maybe the whole thing, hell it might be even longer if the same type of logic that dug this whole is used to bury it. In the meantime, keeping this impending mess buried beneath the headlines will be easy for Stern and Co: there should be no shortage of them. But the NBA might have done too much damage to get itself there; we've got ourselves a League that's very top-heavy on talent, leaving many teams struggling to stay above water; rising salaries working against a shrinking cap. The front office is going to have to work harder than a Scott Skiles team on a 3-game losing skid to stay out of the danger zone yet again, and after the run they've just had, can ill afford another blow...



...But in the meantime...


- The New Orleans Hornets (!) have slugged it out as the last remaining unbeaten team, against the better judgement of just about everyone. Defensive cohesiveness and a balanced scoring attack have triggered an impressive run that can hardly be blamed on a soft schedule and has stolen all the wind from those Chris Paul trade rumors. Yes, it's still early, but the Hornets have stood out among a slew of impressive starts. I know I was far from alone in pegging them as a lottery team; they're making plenty of fans second-guess themselves with every passing game.


- Minnesota might finally be forced to give the best player starter's minutes after Kevin Love erupted for the hallowed 30/30 against the Knicks; something nobody's done since Moses Malone 28 years ago. Yeah, Shaq, Hakeem, The Admiral, Patrick Chewing, The Mailman, Barkley, Timmy D, KG, none of them ever did that. It's a pretty loud statement coming from a guy who's been averaging 28 minutes/game so far this year, but given the stubbornness and lack of clarity shown by the T-Wolves' suits the past few years, there's no telling if the message was heard...




- Alarms are continuing to sound in Miami after they blew a 20-point lead to the Jazz and needed an LBJ Takeover to even make things close with Boston for the second time in as many weeks. While there are obviously cohesion issues with a team assembled largely form players who've never shared uniforms, more glaring problems are showing. Lebron's complaining about minutes (and then explaining himself...seems like he's had to do that a lot lately...at least he got a Person of the Year nod from Time out of it). Dwyane looks like he misses having the ball so much and goes 1 0n 5 with little hesitation. Bosh is being regularly manhandled on a team even shorter on size than the Raptors, and he'll be the only player not to regularly benefit from Wade/James double-teams. Time (and a healthy Mike Miller) will only help, but talk of 70 wins has suddenly ceded and been replaced with more question marks than Pat Riley had ever hoped to answer to.



- Things are looking relatively better in the city LBJ deserted, where the "desolate" Cavs have been playing close to .500 ball against tough-ish opposition and actually spent a couple days ahead of the Heat in the East standings. Cleveland has a reasonably talented team (at least when you put them up against the rest of the Right Coast's bottom feeders), and now that they're not being coached by a McDonalds mascot's lost brother, are continuing their tough defending while moving the ball more effectively than they're used to and taking advantage of their many shooters. Feel-good stories are corny as hell, but this is a team that had every reason and excuse to fall apart; and one we should all be rooting for.



- A quick moment to truly appreciate what the Indiana Pacers did to the Denver Nuggets the other night: A merciless and ridiculous 54-point quarter, in which the Pacers were an ill-advised Josh McRoberts 3 attempt from going 20-20 from the field. Yup. The f***ing Pacers. The Nuggets have been known to indulge in the occasional defensive lapse, but that'd be too absurd to believe if I hadn't seen it (what up League Pass!). Of course, if only logically follows that two nights later, those same Nuggets handed the defending champs their first loss of the season.



I'm out for now; check back later this week for PED Watch, as Banter takes a look at the season's early Most Improved Player candidates.