The NBA's Second Season

The NBA offseason has recently become a hype factory of drama and intrigue, subtweets and WojBombs. An entertainment spectacle unlike few in pro sports, it's almost become a whole new season in itself.

But the 2017 offseason has taken things to new heights of upheaval and chaos. Superstars are being given away, quality players are jumping ship left, right and center, and the NBA's power balance has again been consolidated, while salaries skyrocket to yet new heights. You can almost picture Dr Evil announcing the contracts some of these guys are signing for.

So much stuff is happening, it can be hard to gather everything in the proper context. With that in mind, here's a recap of what we've seen so far, attempting to make sense of it all:

RIP Lob City
What It Means: There won't be enough ball to go around in Houston next year. 

So apparently Doc Rivers pissed off Chris Paul, which is totally logical given both that Rivers is a bad GM with a stubborn attachment to his former players/son, and also that just about everyone pisses off Chris Paul.

Of the three superstar trades this summer, the Paul haul has to be considered the best (more on that to come), netting the Clippers an assortment of established vets, decent prospects, and even a first-round pick.

Meanwhile Mike D'Antoni gets to find touches for two of the NBA's most ball-dominant players with Paul joining James Harden. If Carmelo somehow joins the mix, CP3 might be the best thing possible for his game - both in terms of on-court synergy and Banana Boat Points - but the alpha struggle will no doubt present itself.

Blake Griffin Chills
What It Means: There will be no rebuild for the Clippers.


There's a lot of this stressed importance on star players to win, as though competing for a championship should be their only motivation in life.

Some of us (them) are happier just lamping in a star-filled oasis of beautiful weather and people, where the living's easy, your team has a historical commitment to mediocrity, and the pay is very very good.

Losing Paul sucks, but there's a decent rotation around Griffin, who's definitely capable of handling more of a playmaking role. The Clippers will no doubt take a step back, but they could surprise those who expect them to fall from the West's middle tier.

Property on Waiters Island Now Much More Expensive
What It Means: Last year's free agency loser made the most of his contract year re-run.

Brooklyn Makes Otto Porter a Max Man
What It Means: The Nets are about to hardball a second team into completely cap-fucking themselves.

Chauncey Billups Turns Down Cavs' GM Offer
What It Means: Nobody wants to work for Dan Gilbert once LeBron leaves. 

Chicago Gets Robbed at Gunpoint for Jimmy Butler
What It Means: Tom Thibodeau literally put an automatic weapon to Gar Forman's head, gave him terms on a deal for his best player, forced him to accept, and walked away laughing. 

Joe Dumars. Elgin Baylor. Bryan Colangelo x 2. The Bulls' Gar Forman is just the latest in a line of recent Executive of the Year winners who've either been exposed as poor GMs that caught lightning in a bottle, or completely lost their minds years later.

The Butler trade needs to first be prefaced by the Cameron Payne deal, in which the Bulls gave up several valuable assets for an unproven PG who was sent to the D-League within five weeks. This time trading a guy who, by any measure whatsoever is one of the 12-15 best players in the NBA, they received a similarly hopeless return.

Giving up on Payne, they've acquired yet another unproven PG in Kris Dunn, one whose shooting - the Bulls' main need - was horrendous last year. They took on Zach LaVine, a guy with a torn ACL whose ceiling and value are tied very heavily to athletic ability. They also acquired a top-ten pick in a loaded draft, but were foolish enough to give back their own first-rounder in a trade that was already felonious theft.

Who knows what delusion careened through Forman's head when he made this deal. Either way, Danny Ainge was probably on a rough sleep schedule after seeing what Butler went for. Or at least until...

Robyn Hayward's Instagram was Right
What It Means:Gordon REALLY wanted to finish his Player's Tribune article. 

The Jazz - also down George Hill - look like they're headed back to the lottery. And even though he missed out on both Butler and Paul George, Ainge has added an All-Star each of the past two summers without giving up a single asset. Maybe the best-trading GM in the NBA does know what he's doing here...

Minnesota Looks LEGIT
What It Means: The leap they were supposed to make last year is definitely happening this year.  

Backtracking slightly to the Butler trade: If not for the Bulls' mind-numbing stupidity, I'd be happy about it, as a great player no longer has to waste away his prime on a sad-ass team.

Adding Butler to the Towns-Wiggins-Dieng core is massive in itself for Minny, who then bolstered their bench with Taj Gibson at good value, and snared Jeff Teague for startlingly little (almost makes you wonder...). Spacing could be an issue for them, but even if so, they have assets to spare in a trade for a shooter.

The West figures a bloodbath, but with continued development from Towns, the Butler heist taking both offensive and (more importantly) defensive onus off Wiggins, the addition by subtraction of their worst shooter (Ricky Rubio) and defender (LaVine), and now two quality vets to round out their rotation, the Wolves look like mortal locks for a mid-tier playoff spot, and perhaps more.

Nick Young Signs With the Warriors
What It Means: Apparently they didn't have enough swag already.

Amir Johnson & JJ Redick Sign One-Year Deals with Sixers
What It Means: #TheProcess still has to hit the salary floor somehow.

Dwight Howard Loses Again
What It Means: His legacy might be in stone at this point.

The Nuggets Are Still 'Team Purgatory'
What It Means: Denver really doesn't want a lottery pick. 

Ever since the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony - almost seven years ago - the franchise has been on a rudderless quest for mediocrity, unable to compete at the highest level, and unwilling to blow it up and build for the future like so many around them had done.

Acquiring Paul Millsap is yet another step in no real direction for the Nuggets; P-Milly doesn't move the needle enough for them to be anything more than a bottom-rung playoff team. Moreover, it restricts their financial flexibility as they build around Nikola Jokic, while lowering their odds at a good draft pick. All this for a player on the back end of his prime who doesn't fit Denver's developmental timeline at all. Makes you wonder what exactly the Nuggets' endgame is.

OKC Plays Cat Burglar
What It Means: They didn't replace Kevin Durant, but they came damn close (for a season).


A few weeks ago, Paul George made the Pacers acutely aware of his intentions to play elsewhere - as if they hadn't been clear for months - thus setting in motion a series of whirlwind events.

Within a 48-hour period, there were "credibly sourced" rumors tying PG to the Celtics, Cavaliers, Rockets, and obviously the Lakers, none of which seemed very far-fetched given narratives and Indiana's utter lack of leverage. But at the 11th hour: 45th minute, in swooped the Thunder - as out-of-nowhere as a Giannis chase-down block. They basically landed George for the assets gained from dealing Serge Ibaka; assets which have only diminished in value.

This is confusing for several reasons: not only was an elite player again dealt for a paltry offer - circumstances notwithstanding - but there's only a drunk puncher's chance that George will re-sign with OKC. This has the making of an expensive rental, likely full of false hope for a fanbase that just lost Kevin Durant and watched him win Finals MVP 11 months later.

If PG does decide to stick around for some completely untapped reason, then Sam Presti will have actually stolen a superstar from someone else, as difficult a concept as that may be to grasp.

Jrue The Damaja
What It Means: Dell Demps is a gambling man.

Whatever "my body is made of glass" discount Steph Curry took on his last contract certainly does not apply in New Orleans where Jrue Holiday - who for argument's sake has averaged 57 games over the past half-decade - just inked for $25mil/year over the next half-decade.

The 12 games Holiday spent with his wife as she battled a frightening brain tumor last year only slightly skews his spotty health record. This has to call into question the New Orleans training staff, given that he averaged 74.5 games through four seasons in Philly, and the Pelicans' entire roster seems to be perpetually injured.

The Point Guard Market Dries Up on Kyle Lowry
What It Means: Making the last three All-Star teams ain't what it used to be.

In contrast to Holiday's lavish deal, Lowry came off a career year and found a chilling lack of love.

Despite logical rumors pointing to Minnesota or San Antonio, Lowry humbly re-upped with the team he reportedly had "zero interest" in, while only getting three years of guaranteed money.

It comes as a disappointment for a player on the back nine of his career, who took a discount last contract due to late-bloomer and conditioning issues, and now despite becoming an elite PG, finds himself doing it again. This time Lowry is purely a victim of the point guard market; an inundation of talent that already diluted the position's market value was only heightened when half of the 2017 Draft's top ten picks were PGs. Simply put, fewer teams need one than ever.

Conversely the deal is pretty much exactly what the Raptors wanted, neither losing Lowry for nothing, nor paying him the max when he's 36 and most likely in decline. His contract is also infinitely more tradeable should Masai Ujiri decide to hit the Rebuild Button on this core group.

Diamond Stone Traded to Hawks
What It Means: 'Diamond Stone' is probably the new most awesome name in the NBA.

Zach Randolph Signs With Kings
What It Means: A big piece of Grint N Grind has died, along with a bit of my soul. 

The Raptors' Frontcourt Splinters
What It Means: That DeMarre Carroll signing really starting to rear its ugly head. 

Kevin Durant Takes One For the Team
What It Means: The rest of the NBA is fucked.

So Steph Curry supermaxed. Considering the Warriors just had him on one of the best-value contracts in NBA history for three years, he was due.

Durant thus bit the bullet, leaving almost $10mil on the table - a 28% pay cut - so the Warriors had the flexibility to retain Andre Iguodala and Shawn Livingston, two key cogs in their title runs. For all the shade he was thrown last summer after what seemed like a cop-out, there's no questioning his willingness to keep this team together and truly carve a place in history for them and himself.

The Phil Is Gone
What It Means: James Dolan has finally done something sane in his capacity as Knicks owner 

Although it was increasingly clear that Phil Jackson's descent into arrogant senility necessitated his firing as Knicks' president, there are few individuals alive who could be trusted to do the right thing less than Jimmy Dolan.

Although the Straight Shot's lead singer saw fit to make a sound basketball decision for likely the first time in two decades, there are rumblings about that his old habits may not have died hard quite yet. "Better Find A Church" indeed.

The Rich Get Richer
What It Means: Competitive parity has both improved and faltered.

There's two ways to look at this depending on your perspective: The first is that the seemingly massive chasm between the NBA's haves and have-nots has grown even wider, with middling teams like Utah, Atlanta, Chicago and Indiana all losing star players to stronger teams (for little-to-nothing) and being sent back to the drawing board. The Rockets also solidified their talent at the expense of their contemporaries, the Clippers. There's no question that elite talent has been consolidated in a huge way for such a short time period, and the rebuilds will be happening everywhere.


The flipside to this is that we might see a greater modicum of competition atop the conferences, especially in the East where the Celtics - armed with Hayward and whatever assets they reap from their logjam of swingmen - could give the Cavs a run for their money if things break right.

Dealing with Golden State in the West is no doubt more of a daunting task, but the Rockets are mounting an effort, the Wolves will quickly ascend, and perhaps even the Thunder can build around two superstars. For all the rhetoric spewed last year about franchises biding their time and waiting out the Warriors or Cavs, things seem to be trending the opposite way.

Whether this amounts to anything in the way of derailing Cavs-Warriors IV remains unclear, but even if the outlook is grim, you can't blame opposing GMs for a lack of effort thus far this offseason. This is probably the most "Shit or Get Off the Pot" season the NBA's ever had; the shakeup is far from over.

Offseason Power Rankings

They came. They saw. They spent.

The 2016 offseason will be remembered for two things:

First, obviously, Kevin Durant joining the Golden State Warriors. Second, and more notably, the floodgates of TV money opening up and unleashing a Biblical wave of contract bloating upon the 2016 free agency class.

Plenty happened this summer, but those dominant themes shook the NBA to its core, rippling far in a summer of transition for an abnormal number of franchises (as you're about to see).

With hundreds of players, teams, moments and metaphysical concepts adrift in the aftermath, there's plenty to sort out. To help keep track of who got the best and worst of things this summer, here are Banter's 2016 Offseason Power Rankings:

Last. Hack-A-Shaq

Second-Last. The BasedGod Curse

Third-Last. North Carolina's All-Star Game Hosting Privileges

704. Brooklyn Nets

When it rains it pours. So soon after they forfeited draft picks for aging veterans, the Nets are awful, unable to rebuild, and attempting to incinerate money in a desperate dash for the Salary Floor. Fully expect them to assume Philly's spot as the NBA's Worst Team.

699. Dion Waiters

685. Vivek Ranadive's Q Rating

662. Oklahoma City Thunder
The Russell Westbrook re-up was significant, and the Ibaka trade was a nice scoop for a player becoming less relevant to the Thunder's success.

But examining OKC's offseason in any other context than "they just lost Kevin Durant for nothing", is kinda missing the forest for the trees.

650. Miami Heat
Gone are Joe Johnson, Luol Deng, and franchise icon Dwyane Wade. In their place are Wayne Ellington, Luke Babbitt and the immortal Dion Waiters. With Chris Bosh's career also in the balance, the Heat are inches away from a total rebuild, while matching one of the summer's most preposterous contract offers.

628. Dave Joerger
Jeorger bolted Memphis after a remarkable performance last year, amid a perhaps-legit beef with upper management. With suitors lined up around the league, he thus promptly committed to the franchise where he's far-and-away most likely to encounter perhaps-legit beef with upper management.

619. Washington Wizards

618. John Wall's Career Arc
As recently as 10 months ago, John Wall was one of the NBA's can't-miss up-and-comers, piloting the East's 'Team to Watch'. The rudderless Wizards have since missed the playoffs, hired Scott Brooks, signed Markieff Morris, and maxed-out one of the most oft-injured players in the league; none of which bode well for Wall returning them to relevancy.

601. Thon Maker 
Got drafted at least 15 spots too high; nobody knows how old he is. Sounds safe.

590. Jeremy Lin 

584. Dwight Howard
After leaving yet another city in a blazing shitstorm of acrimony, Howard lands in his hometown with Al Horford's big shoes to fill and a growing body of evidence suggesting he's fallen off significantly.

With the now-rhetorical questions about his character and desire to win still lingering, the ATL cookin' could be exactly what man-child D12 needs. But if history and circumstance are any indicator, he's just setting himself up for the most painful disappointment yet.

568. My Views on "Make Your Own Dream Team" Memes

541. Milwaukee Bucks
They made a dementia-suggesting draft reach for a guy who may or may not be like 40 years old, and largely whiffed on the shooting their offense badly needs. Unless Mirza Teletovic is somehow the key, this could be another long season in Wisconsin. At least they have Giannis.

526. Atlanta Hawks

499. Chicago Bulls
Mildly unclear what's going on here. Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo are two "name players" that will take the ball out of Jimmy Butler's hands (generally a bad thing) and clog any lineup without a Mirotic/McBuckets forward combo to spread the floor. Sorta defeats the purpose of the Derrick Rose trade.

465. Dallas Mavericks
Whiffed on all their major free agency targets and had to resort to massively overpaying Harrison Barnes. On the bright side, they salvaged Andrew Bogut and faded Dirk's retirement, but still not exactly a win for the Mavs.

443. Charlotte Hornets

411. New Orleans Pelicans

387. Detroit Pistons
BOBAN!! Relevant side-note: The Pistons are currently the second-highest-paid roster in the league at $116 million committed next year.

350. Toronto Raptors
Getting priced out of the Bismack Biyombo sweepstakes was a painful inevitability for the Raptors, one they tried to remedy by drafting a guy who apparently can't dunk in the lottery. Biz was one of the NBA's more underrated players before his postseason explosion, and a big hole to patch in their defense.

The DeRozan re-signing is a strong indicator for the Raps (and Canadian basketball in general). Despite Demar's sickening inconsistency in the playoffs, it keeps them competitive. Coming off a summer with some of the World's best coaches on Team USA certainly doesn't hurt him either.

Jared Sullinger gives Toronto a far more competent option than Luis Scola at the four, but combine the Biyombo loss with direct competition improving markedly, and The North will likely have a tougher run at an East Finals repeat.

322. New York Knicks

The Knicks' offseason has been much-trumpeted in many realms of the Internet, but for me it's mainly a wash. Cast into Win-Now Mode by Melo's ticking clock, they've dumped a whole lot of money and hope into two guys - Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah - who've each been paltry shells of their past selves for at least two years. In Rose, they've inherited the only deal signed in 2012 that could possibly suck under the current cap.

D-Rose and Melo's ball-dominance will be an interesting mesh, and even a fully healthy season from Rose and/or Noah would be a mild surprise. Courtney Lee is a good two-way guard and Brandon Jennings will give life to an offense-dormant 2nd unit, but the Knicks' likely fate is still a bottom-tier playoff team. A total sophomore explosion from the Porzingod might be their best chance at a real leap.

302. San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan's absence will be a strange concept to absorb; he was the San Antonio Spurs (at least on-court; #Pop) for damn near two decades. There are far worse replacements than Pau Gasol, but the Spurs' bid for West supremacy got dealt a pretty severe blow by a certain free agent. Leading us to...

270. Kevin Durant's Legacy

So as you may or may not have heard, Kevin Durant joined the Golden State Warriors this summer in a decision that loomed above the NBA for months and still shocked everyone out of sheer magnitude. It also created a vicious dichotomy for KD in the Court of Public Opinion; dividing those who harp he took the easy way out, and those who insist he made the best choice for his "legacy".

The reality to a large degree is that Durant did both.

He's put himself in remarkably good position to win multiple titles, and though he's unlikely to snag another MVP, he's right to act in the interest of rings if he wants to be remembered among the all-time greats. And he absolutely does.

Durant saw first hand just how difficult winning a title in a small market is. OKC struck a series of jackpot draft picks unlike any team in recent memory, and still, year after year, ran into either an untimely injury or a historic team. He's hedged his bets accordingly.

But in the process he's set professional basketball in Oklahoma City back a good decade. He's not only leaving a proud franchise he basically birthed from an ugly Seattle exit, but doing so after they came within God inheriting Klay Thompson's body of making the Finals. For the team that beat them.

He's sealed his Thunder's fate among the NBA's all-time 'What If' teams, and probably created a greater philosophical inquiry of his (likely) rings than anyone before him.

245. Phoenix Suns

230. Portland Trailblazers

209. Houston Rockets 
Dwight Howard's departure has to be seen as a net plus. Many metrics pointed to the Rockets being better without him last year, and his pseudo-jovial petulance is a detriment to any team's chemistry.

Meanwhile, they picked up a couple former Pelicans who (when healthy) provide great spacing for James Harden's free-throw forays to the paint. Moreyball may have overpaid for Ryan Anderson, but got reasonable value on Eric Gordon, two guys who fit his system well.

184. Draymond Green's Snapchat Account
Became a powerful source of memes, great parodies and Team USA bonding this summer, if only through unwittingly showing his penis to millions of people.

168. Austin Rivers' Contract
While he continues to be given a healthy leash by having dad as both coach and GM, it says a lot about the state of the NBA offseason that Rivers' 3-year/$35 million deal doesn't seem that ridiculous.

145. Los Angeles Lakers 
As the Lakers' heavy rebuild hits Defcon 2 with the clock whittling away on Jimmy Buss, they've overall had a strong few months. LA's Other Team signed good deals (Luol Deng, Jordan Clarkson) and bad ones (Timofey Mozgov, Yi Jianlian for some reason), but overall take a win on the offseason.

Buss is still a dog to hit his lofty deadline, but the Lakers are now freed from Kobe's oppressive contract, and have a player they can possibly build around in Brandon Ingram. They'll have a decent outlook once someone smarter than Jimmy is spending the money.

115. Memphis Grizzlies

Keeping Mike Conley is massive, and speaks to the loyalty bred from the Grizzlies' culture. And also perhaps that Conley's max under the new cap made him (before LeBron's new deal) the highest-paid player ever.

Gasp-worthy as that may be, it was a victory for the Grizzlies (and small-market franchises) that saved them from a total rebuild in Marc Gasol's prime. It also came as a morality boost after a season in which legions of injuries, and concerns about Robert Pera's ownership style haunted #GNG.

But Memphis also doubled-down and maxed-out Chandler Parsons. While the debate about that expenditure's legitimacy is itself legitimate, Memphis is defiantly refusing to quit. Sure they have virtually no chance of winning a title and will max-out as a 3/4-seed, but they're playing it to the bone. They're the anti-tankers; a refreshing sight in today's NBA.

89. Orlando Magic
So their frontcourt's a little crowded. Adding Serge Ibaka and Bismack Biyombo (more on him in a moment) to the Vucevic/Gordon combo gives Orlando considerable size, depth and the rim protection they've sorely lacked the past few seasons.

The question thus becomes whether the trigger-happy Rob Hennigan is just stockpiling assets for another deal, or actually plans on making this seemingly over-sized rotation work.

71. Philadelphia 76ers
Things are finally, kind of, coming to together for #TheProcess - if only Sam Hinkie were still around to see it:

Philly netted the #1 pick, managed to draft a guy who isn't a center, have an apparently-healthy Joel Embiid, and maintained their mountains of cap room. In fact, the Sixers' biggest concern at this point will be hitting the league's $84 million salary floor next year.

Better yet, with the Nets in utter disarray and no means to better themselves, the Sixers can finally be freed of stigmatization as the NBA's resident eyesore.


63. Joel Embiid
Continues to kill social media, and actually appeared on film playing basketball for the first time in several years.

49. Kent Bazemore
Couldn't have found himself in a better spot, hosting his coming out party over the biggest Contract Year in history, at a time when 3-and-D swingmen are a prime asset in a wing-deprived market.

Bazemore made off huge this summer for a guy who enthusiastically warmed the Warriors' bench 20 months ago, no two ways about it. But of the many sketchy contracts free agents were gifted with this summer, his potential to blossom might be the most realistic.

34. John Leuer
I mean sure, what the hell! 4 years, $42 million! Why not!

29. Solomon Hill

26. The Cleveland Cavaliers
They are the champs and everything, but Golden State just made a power move on them unlike any we've ever seen.

25. Pau Gasol
Getting out of Chicago was enough but landing with the Spurs makes Pau a large winner.


24. DeMarcus Cousins' Trade Odds
The writing has to be on the wall here, with Cousins perpetually perturbed, and the Kings acquiring like 50 centers under an owner who can do literally anything.

The issues of Cousins' petulant demeanor are well-chronicled, but the Nuggets should just ante up, re-unite DMC with Mike Malone, and reap the ensuing benefits.

23. Rasheed Wallace
Everyone knew Dame Lillard would spit nice, but the gully bars that Sheed laid down on the #SoFarGoneChallenge (while driving no less) were one of the summer's best videos.

22. Tristan Thompson
For doing maybe the most Canadian thing ever.

21. Carmelo Anthony
While his team's still not competing for that ever-elusive Finals trip, Melo might've on-the-low sealed his Hall of Fame bid this summer as the first man ever to win three Olympic golds in basketball.

20. Joakim Noah
Had the last two years of his career conveniently ignored by the Knicks during contract offers.

19. Ryan Anderson
He'll fit well in Houston, and 4 yrs/$80 million is very generous for a less-than-healthy one-way gunner whose best years are perhaps behind him.

18. Frank Vogel

17. Kris Dunn

16. Indiana Pacers

Lots of people hated the Vogel departure, despite his inconclusive results with Indiana. He presided
over Pacers teams that both massively over and underachieved, with a clear hallmark of stout defense and offensive deficiency. A Larry Bird team could only suck at scoring for so long.

Jeff Teague, Al Jefferson and Thad Young are all offensive upgrades over their predecessors, and Nate McMillian was likely a good fit as a Vogel replacement. Unless the Pacers' defense completely crumbles without George and Solomon Hill, they'll climb the East standings.

15. Chandler Parsons

14. Utah Jazz
One of the offseason's multi-way winners. They finally found a starting point guard in George Hill; one who won't command the ball too much or be Trey Burke. This still-young squad also benefits from a year of experience, continuity, and one can hope better health.

Count circumstance among the Jazz's fortunes too. With the West in heavy flux below the top-3, Utah could make serious strides up the playoff bracket. Quin Snyder for Coach of the Year; you heard it here first.

13. Ian Mahinmi

12. Pre-Existing Kevin Durant Championship Bets

11. The Summer of JR



10. Bismack Biyombo
Five months ago, Bismack Biyombo was a defensive specialist and capable backup, but a limited offensive game had kept him from seeing heavy minutes. He made $3 million last year.

His impact on the Raptors' shaky second-unit defense was one of their brightest spots this season; one that culminated in the most important playoff run they'd ever embarked on. It was there that Jonas Valanciunas was sidelined, and Biyombo vaulted from on-the-low-bench stud to maybe the breakout player of the 2016 Playoffs. His sublime glass-waxing, elite rim protection and impact energy plays were one of the Raptors' few consistent sparks.

While Biz might've already been in line for a slight raise, his value thus skyrocketed - to 4 yrs/$70 million - due to a very timely injury. Biyombo may have just financially benefited more from a teammate's sidelining than any player in history. Hope he's buying Jonas a car or something.

9. Russell Westbrook

While acting in self-interest and getting the most money, Westbrook is now an Oklahoma folk hero for re-upping after Durant bolted. He also has the team to himself now. While his title odds took a massive hit, he can make perhaps the closest run at Oscar Robertson's triple-double-season mark we've seen yet.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves
Sometimes everything just falls into place for a franchise. Take Minnesota, where the often-frail Wolves have landed back-to-back #1 picks, one of whom is a star in the making, the other is already perhaps the single most valuable long-term asset in the NBA.

With the last two Rookies of the Year in tow, the Wolves now have a serious shot at a third with Kris Dunn, making former PG prodigy Ricky Rubio - their highest-paid player - expendable. Minnesota can now potentially clear even more cap space for the future by dealing Pretty Ricky.

Then of course there's the bench upgrade from Sam Mitchell to Tom Thibodeau, which is like replacing a Hungry Man Salisbury Steak with wagyu ribeye. For a team with such young talent, Thibs will be a great source of knowledge, discipline, experience, and most notably - work ethic.

Already League Pass heavyweights, the Wolves only built upon perhaps the league's brightest future.

7. Timofey Mozgov, Allen Crabbe & Tyler Johnson

There will a be an ESPN 30-for-30 made someday about this year's NBA Offseason. About the oceans of money that were set ablaze in a perfect storm of salary influx and a shallow free agency class. Among the deals of particular note that will be highlighted:

Timofey Mozgov, the once-sought low-post brute who regressed all season, eventually falling completely out of the Cavs' rotation. He now makes $16 million/year, or more than any player in the NHL.

Allen Crabbe, the potential breakout 3-and-D wing whom the Nets inked to a restricted 4-year $74 millon script. Portland swallowed the pill and matched. The Blazers now cutting $18.5 million to a backup wing with career averages of 7/2/1 has helped balloon their payroll to a league-high $119 million.

And Tyler Johnson; inconsistent bench guard, also inked by the Nets to a literally vomit-inducing 4-years, $50 million. Unshaken by the Nets' manic spending spree, Pat Riley opened the coffers and matched the back-loaded deal, which gives Johnson a combined $38.5 million over its final two seasons.

Though the potential to redeem these whale contracts exists, these guys are already being paid beyond the apex of their realistic projections. Huge offseason winners.

6. Mike Conley
Much love as I have for Iron Mike, the fact that a 0-time All-Star spent a brief moment as the highest-paid player in NBA history is simply incredible.

5. Boston Celtics
Landing Al Horford was a significant coup for this precocious bunch of scrappers, consolidating their talent and solving their longtime search for a starting center. More significantly, they managed to do it without going over the cap or giving up any of their asset horde, leaving Danny Ainge plenty of ammo to make another blockbuster move. The Celtics are probably already favorites to nab the East's #2 seed.

4. Hassan Whiteside
Was playing in Lebanon two years ago. Just signed a $98 million contract, and could be a franchise cornerstone with the Wade Era now over.


3. LeBron James
LeBron not only got to revel in the spotlight of the greatest Finals performance ever, but gave himself a record contract. The Warriors have dealt a major blow to his Cavs' repeat odds, but this summer was LeBron's Moment in a career littered with so many LeBron Moments.

His career path - "legacy" if you will - isn't hurt that much by the Durant signing either way. If the Warriors beat him in the Finals rubber-match only injury can derail, they had to assemble arguably the greatest team ever to do so. If LeBron somehow emerges from this with another ring though, that's serious G.O.A.T material.

2. Harrison Barnes

I thought the notion of giving Barnes a max deal was incredulous before he came out and projectile vomited all over the Warriors' failed title defense; the kind of gaffe that normally costs a player millions in a contract year.

Mark Cuban knows things about investments that I don't, but the metrics suggest Barnes is overrated as is without the added expectation amid much worse surroundings. Even in an offseason of financial anarchy, how Barnes made off with this much money is unsustainable and sickening.

1. Golden State Warriors
It's still kind of hard to fathom. A team winning 73 games one year, then acquiring likely the 3rd-best player in the NBA for fifteen cents on the dollar.

The Warriors are going to be a terrifying offensive machine that will rack up the easiest buckets we've ever seen against any non-elite defense. It's going to be insulting how routine they'll make it look.


The Death Lineup just became exponentially scarier, with Durant's lethal scoring replacing Barnes' inconsistent shooting, and his length enabling him to cover even more space and bigger bodies on D. Getting Zaza Pachulia on the cheap was great Bogut insurance; with veterans riding them in every-trendy ring hunts (David West really making Ray Allen eat his words) they can fill out a bench to complement the best 7-man rotation ever.

Dub Nation is now very short on rim protection, but that seems trivial in the scope of what's just happened. This team is going to be fucking impossible to defend. It's supremely unlikely they go for a new wins record after last year's playoff semi-burnout, but we're about to witness devastation on a mass level.

Putting the "Dead" in Deadline

The Trade Deadline came and went last week; a date that had built up with blockbuster potential for months "climaxed" dully with the seemingly inevitable dumping of Danny Granger's contract.

Despite an army of franchises actively shopping attractive assets, and others seeking to shake things up, the market may have over-played itself. Many teams' asking prices were reportedly too high, leaving most parties at the trade table favoring the upcoming loaded Draft and Free Agent classes to make their moves.

So what now for the teams that seemed destined to make moves, but hesitated to pull the trigger? Were they wise in waiting? What can they expect going forward? Let's see which GMs have screwed themselves, and which should come out on top:

Boston Celtics 
Rajon Rondo still being a Celtic is among the more bizarre aftermath of the Deadline, with Danny Ainge suddenly holding onto a guy he'd been shopping for years, at what seemed like the most logical time to finally deal him.

The irony of Ainge's decision gets diluted when you consider that Rondo's actually a very good fit for a young team searching for its identity through a re-build, as a versatile cog for a smart coach who's a whiz with quirky lineups. Keeping him can't be an awful decision; he's a Top 15-ish player, just turned 28, and his market value could rise if Boston suddenly seems less keen on dumping him.

It's one of those hands that's hard to misplay; Boston might not have liked offers that came their way, but being left to rebuild with one of the NBA's best point guards isn't a Saw game, which Ainge may be realizing.

Toronto Raptors
Few GMs in pro sports history have developed reputations as movers and shakers as quickly and astutely as Ujiri. After ousting the Raptors' two ugliest contracts in moves that showed immediate + returns, Masai was rumored to be in talks around a deal for Kyle Lowry for most of this season.

Masai's inability to move Lowry is a minor disappointment, but hardly a fatal wound for Toronto. The reality is that Lowry's trade value has never been this high, and likely never will be again, so unless he's their point guard going forward, the time to bail was now. His superb play this season will absolutely earn him more money next year, and it's unclear if he'll be as fit and motivated with his new deal locked up.

Masai's track record might even be hurting his cause, with at least one (confirmed) case of a team unwilling to be "fleeced" by him again. Regardless, few people in NBA front offices - likely only Daryl Morey - understand trading assets like Ujiri, and with virtually every player in Toronto's rotation playing up their own stock this year, he'll have nice pieces to work with, even if Lowry is signs elsewhere.

Houston Rockets
Speaking of Daryl Morey, his own shrewdness has come back to bite him in the ass.

Two years ago, Morey snaked the criminally under-utilized Omer Asik from the Bulls with a "poison pill" contract that saw his originally meager salary triple in its upcoming final year.

In the meantime, Asik's been one of the NBA's most improved players, and best defensive centers, but Morey's attempt to pass the buck (literally) on Asik's bloated remaining year came undone. Teams were wary of the looming salary boom, and Morey's habit of usually being way smarter than the guy on the other end of the phone.

And so, after the passing of several team-mandated deadlines, and finally the League's, Omer Asik is still on the Houston Rockets, in a limited reserve role, openly unhappy, and due almost $15 million next season.

Minnesota Timberwolves
Among the League's relative disappointments this season (remember, this is still largely a David Kahn team), the Wolves are seemingly under pressure to release Kevin Love from the pack.

A continually visibly unhappy superstar whose contract expires after next year, Love will eventually leave Minnesota, but they can decide whether on their terms or his. The lack of action last week only hurts their rebuild timetable; it's not as though there won't still be teams lining up for him in the offseason, when offices with room to maneuver might be more willing to make a big play for a superstar.

The Wolves need to begin to treat this with urgency though. Love can't remain undealt going into next season; it will delay the inevitable, shroud their team in uncertainty, and give opposing GMs more leverage as his departure draws closer. This is just like ripping off a Band-Aid; it will hurt a lot less if done quickly.

L.A. Lakers 
Everyone and their grandmother on Twitter spent the weeks leading up to the Deadline suggesting that Pau Gasol was about to be dealt, but the Lakers were unlikely to get as much value out of Gasol as they could this summer.

The Lakers are unloading most of their payroll in July, and can either re-sign Gasol at a significant rebate via 'Bird Rights', or let him walk and have eight figures in extra cap room. That cap room is intrinsically worth more to the Lakers than most franchises; they're able to attract top-tier talent easily and will never have to overpay someone to join them.

Already armed with a fresh Spending License, and a very good shot at a high Lottery pick, this was probably good spot for the Lakers to bide their time.

New York Knicks
Carmelo's still a Knick, and the odds of him re-signing in a few months rest somewhere between New York's chances of making the Playoffs, and having a Lottery pick in this year's Draft.

Knicks fans, my continued sympathies.

From Luol to Love - Trade Season

Halfway through 2014's first month, the NBA regular season's inching through a relative lull; that annual stretch after the early-season excitement, just before the All-Star break, where plenty of focus shifts to the trade wire. Teams like the Spurs and Heat are pacing themselves, others are waiting to heal up, and a good portion of the League is still trying to figure out whether they should be winning games. The season's most exciting stretch won't truly begin until after the Trade Deadline and ensuing (or in Andrew Bynum's case preceding) waived-player frenzy.

Look for next month's Deadline to be much more aggressive than last year's anti-climactic dud. Not only are a few intriguing players being openly shopped around, but with several teams in You Should Probably Trade Your Star Mode, the potential for big names to shift the NBA's landscape along with area codes is very viable. Hell, if Luol Deng can be had for cap relief and a bunch of non-lottery picks, it might be open season.

- The Deng trade was an unfortunate means to an end for the Bulls, whose season was destroyed along with Derrick Rose's meniscus, and were owned by someone too cheap to give a two-way All-Star the same kind of money as Carlos Boozer. So instead, with Deng almost surely bolting in the summer, the Bulls cashed him in for a chance to dodge the Repeater Tax and get a head start on the rebuild.

I don't think I'm stretching much here when I say the Bulls could've, and should've, got more out of this deal. Had they waited closer to the deadline, this offer from the Cavs - who are kind of up Shit's Creek right now - would've still been there, and more than likely trounced by a team looking to do more than transplant Deng for a few months, totally unsure if he'll re-sign.

Chicago screwed themselves twice (well, three times if you count the Boozer signing) by souring Luol, and then panic-trading him too quickly for returns that are unlikely to ever equate what Deng brought to the table.

- The late picks/swap rights Chicago got back for Deng call to mind an element of analysis that I've found usually missing from NBA coverage in this era of advanced metrics, especially amid the Tank Brigade, and with all the rage about the CBA, small market teams, Moneyball, Moreyball and everything else:

Draft Picks and Cap Space need to be valued within the context of the GMs that wield them, and very seldom is this discussed viably as a catalyst in trades. Not all tools are equal in different hands, and the weight these things carry in trades seems to be very general.

Take for example, the Oklahoma City Thunder. They got lucky to land Durant, but have also nailed every pick under Sam Presti, from board-toppers like James Harden and Russell Westbrook, to late-first-round steals Reggie Jackson and Serge Ibaka. They've built a top-tier team almost exclusively from the Draft, especially considering they've gotten the worse end of their biggest trades.

Then there's the contrast, say the Immortal David Kahn, or even former Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo, who has enough connections and reputation-bloating that he'll likely be back in a front office at some point. Colangelo scored relative hits with DeMar DeRozan and Jonas Valanciunas, but reached for Andrea Bargnani first overall (when this guy was the likely top pick), drafted Roy Hibbert and immediately traded him, and took Terrence Ross when Andre Drummond had inexplicably slid into his lap. All during an era where Toronto was crying for any kind of interior presence.

Put simply: Some teams are much better than others at drafting, and this has to be kept in mind when evaluating every transaction. A "Presti Pick" is much different from a "Jordan Pick". Lottery Picks aren't infallible, and even a late selection is worth a lot more, say, to the Spurs, than it would be to most franchises. (Basically, if you trade any draft pick to the Spurs, you're a moron).

This goes even more so for Cap Space, which is a far more calculated gamble, as teams have much better concepts of a player's value, and aren't relying on ping-pong balls to make or break them. Again, this measure should be mostly appraised by a front office's ability to pick the right players, and in some cases the team's location and reputation.

The room to maneuver and sign free agents is worth a lot more to crafty grinder with a plan like Daryl Morey or Masai Ujiri, than to someone like Joe Dumars - who's now twice tried to re-build the Pistons through Free Agency without really improving them either time - or whoever might be running the Knicks at the time.

It's all relative, and in an era where motion-sensor cameras are now quantifying every facet of the NBA, I'm surprised this concept hasn't become more standard.

- Back to David Kahn, as he's now haunting the Minnesota Timberwolves from the grave, having not only given them a shorter clock within which to build around Kevin Love, but damaged his star's relationship with the team seemingly beyond repair, even after his firing.

Love lashed out at the under-achieving Wolves last week, the latest in a Thabo Sefolosha's-Arms-long line of public criticisms that stemmed from Kahn's um, management, but appear to still be paving the runway for Love's escape.

(KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!)

The move for Minny now should clearly be to trade The Love Below this season, before a team with many glaring flaws attempts to rebuild around an unhappy player who's leaving them in 18 months. Love wants to contend, the Wolves are far from it, and the longer they hold onto him, the more opposing GMs can take advantage of them, their leverage decreasing as his departure inches closer.

Acting now gives Minny the edge, capitalizing on the many teams that want Love's services, and forcing suitors to up the ante rather than calling them with a "You're Losing Him For Nothing This Summer, Take What You Can Get" kind of offer. This guy is a borderline Top-5 player; trading him now sucks but he's by far the most coveted "available" asset in the NBA right now. Minnesota can set themselves up very well for the future, and this would be a huge hand to misplay...

Being David Kahn

There's a lot of confusing shit going on in the NBA this year. Granted, this was a hastily assembled season that's given way to statistical oblivion and managerial panic, but still, some things have always just managed to escape all boundaries of logic and justice.

Take, for example, David Kahn being given a job as an NBA GM. At the time, Kahn was a dual degree holder (English and Law) with an impressive real estate portfolio, who although having had spent time working for the Pacers in 90's, had absolutely no first-hand experience with any sort of basketball operations. So, of course, he was handed the keys to an NBA franchise. This made absolutely no sense and was completely unfair.

Kahn went on to perform a myriad of impressive, and equally confusing, feats over his front office tenure: A month after his hiring, he kicked off his regime by drafting three point guards in the same first round, keeping the worst to run his offense (Jonny Flynn), trading the best (Ty Lawson), then weeks later handing two career fringe starters (Luke Ridnour, Ramon Sessions) - who by sheer coincidence also happen to be point guards - like $45 million. The hits continued: taking a public spin as Mike Beasley's narcotics councilor, getting no equity from salary-dumping their best player, over-paying Darko Milicic when no one else was willing to pay him anything...These were not only impressive in that it took either a massive amount of courage or miseducation to pull them off, but the fact that Kahn was able to continuously do this without getting fired was just simply fucking incredible.

This past week was a big one for Kahn; he had to make good on just about the only thing he's done right so far as GM by getting All-Star forward (and glimmering inspiration for white, unathletic ballers everywhere) Kevin Love to commit to the team long-term. It was widely assumed that Love would be getting the same max deal classmate Russell Westbrook had inked the previous week, but in an unrivaled feat of ballsy under-valuing of talent, Kahn managed to convince Love - you know, the guy doing 25 and 15 - that he was worth relatively the same amount of money as Nene - you know, the guy having a career year at 14 and 9.

I'm at a loss here - genuinely confused - because this demonstrates more savvy than all of Kahn's previous transactions combined. He got great value on a borderline top-10 player, and while Love's opt-out clause gives Minnesota a small window to grow into a real team, they'll be better positioned going forward to lock down guys who they'll need to contend. While K-Lovie undeniably got screwed (seriously, he's working harder than anyone on that team at all times), the bullet he bit financially will reap benefits for the franchise in years to come, make him the unselfish superstar, and Kahn the.....(hold on, I need to mentally prepare myself for this).......(still not ready yet)......(ok, here it goes)...competent GM.

Is David Kahn finally getting it? Was he just playing dumb the whole time and duping rival GMs into underestimating him? Was the whole point guard thing just a sick level? Because suddenly, Minnesota's roster - with the addition of Nash heir apparent Ricky Rubio - is exciting, (relatively) competitive, and loaded with upside. While most GMs would've thrown as much money as they could at Love to entice him to stay in a cold, crappy basketball market with no winning history, Kahn didn't lose sight of the team, and in fact put more pressure on himself to turn this team around on a tighter schedule. Not what I ever expected from someone who had the foresight to joke to reporters about the league fixing last year's draft lottery for Dan Gilbert's autistic son (and expect to not be murdered on Twitter within 5 minutes), but still impressive.

All things said, I hope for Love's sake that this works out in his favor and he gets to reap the benefits of a successful basketball career. Up until this week, I would've said there wasn't a chance in hell of that happening with Minnesota under their current reign, but if this isn't just a momentary lapse of intelligence and cunning, then maybe Kahn isn't so dim-witted after all.

Of course, part of me is still secretly praying it is. This guy's just way too hilarious. KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNN

Seriously? Nah, You're Joking...

I know, I couldn't believe it either. Just as one often-mocked draft bust solidified his legacy, another, seemingly bound for eternal damnation, sought to create a new one. The big buzz around the NBA has been punchline/punching bag Darko Milicic showcasing more talent this past week than in seven prior seasons combined. His latest outing of 21/4/2 with 3 blocked shots was preceded by 23/16/5, swatting 6 against the feared Lakers frontcourt (I know you've heard about it 100 times by now, but read that over again a few times, maybe Youtube some Darko Milicic compilations to remind yourself just how bad he is, and really appreciate it).

Seems like Darko - who had previously developed into a respectable rebounder and good shot blocker - has found a way to be something more than a moving screen on offense, being called "unstoppable" by Kevin Durant after a close Thunder victory. After endless awkward trials to adapt Milicic to the NBA game had failed, it seemed he'd never get it together. Two games is relatively little to be excited over, but if Milicic can keep himself anywhere near this lever of production, he might be able to salvage a career that, as recently as last summer, had frustrated him to the point of near-retirement. Not to mention that the same player who began to make Joe Dumars (formerly the smartest man in basketball) look like an idiot, might make David Kahn (a mis-cue on repeat) actually look kind of smart. Funny how shit works out sometimes.

Elsewhere, the Toronto Raptors made the first big splash in the trade market, shipping Jarrett Jack, Tracy Morgan and Joe Dirt to the Hornets for Jarryd Bayless, and some guy named Predrag, who hasn't done anything noteworthy lately, but apparently this guy was fourth in MVP voting a few years ago so he must be okay, right?

In all seriousness, Stojakovic fits the Raptors mold for a ton of reasons:
a) he's white and European
b) he's allegedly a good shooter
c) he can't create his own shot or defend a third-grade child
but most importantly...
d) his contract is worth more than the BP cleanup and expires this year, giving a team with way too much long-term capital to have won two games a lot of flex room.

The Raps are an absolute mess (speaking of the BP disaster...) but at least Brian Colangelo's begun to reason that re-building comes through change and sustainability, not greedily throwing money at your problems like he (...and BP...) did this summer. After burying the Raptors' slowly-fossilizing remains in the bloated contracts of Andrea Bargnani, Jose Calderon, (indirectly, now) Hedo Turkoglu and Amir Johnson, he's finally starting to dig them out of their hole.

See you guys in a few days. Please, for your safety, remember to stay of out Blake Griffin's way.

One Week In...

Well, it's happened; we're officially back into the regular season grind. After about a week's worth of action, our appetites for somewhat meaningful basketball have been whet, but there's plenty of the ususal early-season uncertainty lingering; things have yet to really take form. While the dust settles and we wait for everything to fall into place, here's a few thoughts from Opening Week:

- When the Wolves traded Al Jefferson to the Jazz in what had to be salary dump (though presuming to know what exactly motivates David Kahn's decisions is foolish and dangerous), the assumption was that versatile pivotman Kevin Love would become the team's new focal point. Naturally, a few eyebrows were raised when Love spent the latter of their opening-night L to the Kings on the bench, his minutes beasted by journeyman Anthony Tolliver. Immediate rumors of dissent began cirulating, stemming from Love's open doubts about his team's long-term plans and an alleged beef with head coach Kurt Rambis. This pattern continuing will lead nowhere constructive, but then again, nothing Kahn's done yet has either. Now that the Knicks are a somehwat-legitimate franchise again, it's comforting to know that at least one billionaire out there's willing to place his valued asset in the hands of a confused dunce for our amusement.

- Rajon Rondo continues to defy adjectives, racking up a ridiculous 24 assists to help the Celts avoid a second humbling loss to a much worse team. Rondo's brilliance - especially in the playoffs - has been almost redundant, but there's still a seeming reluctance to include him in the discussion of Paul, Williams, and (in some circles) even Nash as the NBA's best point guard. Put that talk to rest. I know, me, you and half the European Rider Cup team have nicer jumpers, but Rondo is a transcendant game-changer in every other aspect. As Boston gradually slides into senility, this'll be more and more his team, and that doesn't seem like a bad thing at all.

- The Heat's opening night L to the Celtics stirred up painful memories of last spring's dismantling of the Cleveland Cavaliers: an awkward mess of laughable offensive chemistry that eventually drove Lebron James into "F*** This, I'm Taking Over" mode, only to fall juuust short of a win. Obviously there was going to be a few jitters on opening night, on the road, against the menacing D of a team that arguably was a Kendrick Perkins injury away from kicking off the season with their own ring ceremony...But Miami looked just fucking awful. Alarms went off immediately, but the Superfriends responded with complete dustings of (expectedly) New Jersey and (impressively) Orlando. James, Wade and Bosh are (understandably) still getting used to their new surroundings, and although this was (obviously) going to be a process, Miami (clearly) got sent a message on opening night.

- Nobody's really surprised that the Lakers are still 3-0, but anyone who nabbed the Hawks, Blazers and Hornets as the squads joining them among the last unbeatean deserves a beer or five. Portland took advantage of a sorta weak week (although they looked very nice in an opening-night road win against the unorthodox Suns), while N.O. grinded out three impressive wins over playoff teams that were all favored. The Big Easy was supposed to be a Big Question Mark this year with Chris Paul's ominous trade desire, but a healthy CP3 and a roster of similar talent almost won the West a couple years ago. Obviously it can't be assumed they'll keep this up all year, but if they do, it'll be hard to picture him going anywhere.

- From an allegedly unhappy superstar to one who's just plain blatantly unhappy, Carmelo Anthony has become more vocal about his need to find a basketball court closer to sea level. An obvious inconvenience to a team whose Western Powerhouse status was already in danger, but how exactly this will play out is anybody's guess. Everyone from 'Melo to Spike Lee and countless internet conspiracy theorists see blue and orange in Anthony's future, but the odds are stacked against the Knicks landing him. See, the simple truth is that Carmelo Anthony is incredibly unlikely to be a free agent next summer, so he's unlikely to have an ultimate say in the matter. There's a 0% chance the Nuggets are going to let him walk, and only a minutely higher chance that a team will part with the proper talent to land a Top-10 player only to lose him in a couple months. 'Melo's going to be dealt to a team he's happy with and will commit to, but New York simply doesn't have the pieces (outside of Amar'e of course) to make much of an offer. Unless Denver's front office feels desperate, the market for a superstar gets Sham-Wowed, or the conspiracy theorists are all right, bet against the Knicks. Again.

- And finally, this week delivered the shocking revelation that, after months of relentless demonization, Lebron James would've handled The Decision differently. Really. No Shit. Because it went so smoothly, and everybody really agreed with how things played out. James said what we all wanted to hear, but after hating Lebron became a popular fad and the race card was played so stupidly, this admission seems kinda trite and results-oriented. It's the season now Lebron, let this be the end of the drama and let your play do the talking; it's what we'd all rather hear.