Got It Twisted: The MVP Ballots

Well, what we long suspected is official: Lebron James has etched his name in another Podoloff trophy, cementing his legacy among the greatest in NBA history, and making him likely, already, the best player to not have won a title. But not only should we be celebrating Lebron's maturation instead of still slighting him for last season, there isn't much to really talk about here; Lebron completely dominated every possible facet of a basketball game this year (even slightly improving his Achilles-esque free throw shooting) and as good as Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, and yes even Kobe were this year, if you don't think Lebron deserves the MVP, then you don't deserve a say in who gets these awards. In fact, one apparent "expert" gave Queen James a fifth-place vote (and another a fourth) which just hurts my brain trying to put into words, so after about ten minutes, I've pretty much given up.

The NBA intentionally allows voters to vaguely interpret "Value" by not setting out specific criteria. While this sparks debate, curiosity, and competition, it also promotes lunacy and bias, allowing for some completely dubious selections, and subsequent fodder for verbal warfare. While I wish the minds that decided these matters were keen enough to steer such an important task through abstraction, it's highly obvious that they need to be kept on a tighter leash, as evidenced not only by Lebron's anomalous 5-slot, but by the following examples of utter ridiculousness:

Dwight Howard - 3rd (1), 4th (1), 5th (5)

This might seem a bit hypocritical; I gave Howard the DPOY a few weeks ago without holding his year's worth of shenanigans against him. I tried to separate his immature mentality from his on-court performance, and felt that even at 75%, he was still he best defender in the League this year, his constant ability to alter a team's gameplan by mere presence still resonating. But this is a whole different story. Let's talk about "Value", principally defined by Merriam Webster as 'a fair return or equivalent in good, services, or money, for something exchanged'.  

The Orlando Magic paid Dwight Howard $17,149,243 this year to help them win an NBA championship. Instead of play his hardest and focus on the team, as he should, Howard half-assed it, coasting through games, expanding nothing about his game, having an obvious disconnect with his teammates, and committing more to his Twitter account than the Magic organization. All year this went on; you could call it pretentious if people weren't eating InDecision up like McNuggets. We thought it had finally come to an end when Howard re-upped at the deadline......But no. After already handcuffing the Magic's ability to build for the future for entire year, Dwight then sought to re-model the team in his eye, beginning with the attempted covert mid-season offing of Stan Van Gundy. As usual, Howard didn't handle things very smoothly and the news became public, creating an awkward rift that conveniently led to his first prolonged injury absence ever and the end of his time in Orlando, as they bowed out of the Playoffs' first round. Aside from being by far the most irritating, Dwight Howard was, at least by some definitions, the least valuable player in the NBA this season. 

Derrick Rose - 3rd (1) 

Not sure what logic led to this selection (likely a couple draught and an Illinois area code), but it's pretty mind-numbing. Derrick Rose is a very good basketball player; the reigning MVP and a consensus Top-10 player. That being said, if you were a die-hard Bulls fan who'd just awoken from a coma, and immediately asked how the Bulls did this year, if I told you Derrick Rose sat out almost half of this season, I could take everything you own on a bet that they tied for the League's best record. Not only is it ridiculous to be giving a vote to a player who spent as much time in Versace as Adidas, this season proved, if anything,    Chicago's a lot better without Rose than any of us thought. 

Dirk Nowitzki - 4th (1), 5th (1)

OK, Dirk put a ring on it, and he was amazing, we all saw. This year? Granted, he was coming back from an offseason of injury recovery and admitted complacency, but let's look at the raw numbers (I hate leaning on stats but this is an easy way to prove a redundant argument): Dirk averaged 21.6 ppg/6.7 rpg this season, shooting .457 from the field. You've gotta dig back to 99-00 - Diggler's second season - to find lower scoring and rebound averages, and he hasn't shot so poorly since his rookie season. The Mavs finished seventh in the West. And two people with the power to alter the course of basketball's most important regular season award think he was a top-five player this year? ......Yeahhhh, fuck off.

Tim Duncan - 4th (1)

This just kinda makes me laugh. All due respect to Tim Duncan and his legendary career, but I can't even really take this seriously, so I'm going to have some fun here; let's lean on more stats: If Brandon Jennings, DeMarcus Cousins, Chris Bosh, Antawn Jamison, Demar DeRozan, Paul Millsap, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Ty Lawson and Ryan Anderson averaged more points than you did this season, while playing fewer minutes than Hedo Turkoglu, Jared Dudley, Gordon Hayward, Marco Benlinelli, Alonzo Gee, Chandler Parsons and Zaza Pachulia, then you have no place on the MVP ballot. Some moron looked at San Antonio in first place, saw the forest for the trees, then clear-cut the entire thing with his giant theoretical bulldozer.  

Joe Johnson - 5th (1) 

After getting a good giggle in, this just kind of depresses me. It's sad for so many reasons: Joe Johnson's constantly playing at about 85-90%; the Hawks are paying him wayyyy too much money to lead them into a purgatory of mediocrity; Josh Smith has to endure yet another reminder of how much his season was slept on, and Larry Drew will have to deal with another quasi-meltdown as a result. Mostly it saddens me to think that someone who respects their knowledge of basketball enough to cover the NBA as a professional is either corrupted or stupid enough to think Joe Johnson was the 5th-best player in the League this year. In all honesty without a shred of bias of misconception, this guy wasn't definitely the best player on his own team this season, and they middled out in what's still the shallower playoff bracket. What the flying fucking hell is he doing anywhere near the MVP trophy? This is too much: the NBA needs to do something, ANYTHING between guiding these voters and replacing them, because anyone with half a brain who knows basketball and looks at these results has to start taking this as a bit of a joke. And any true NBA fan who has respect for the game and wants the best for it wants to see this award celebrated, not mocked. So, with that in mind, let's salute something they did get right: Your 2012 MVP, Lebron James. 

Dream On

Lebron James had a dream.

He dreamt of fame; media glory and international worship. He envisioned success; highlight reels, blowout wins, All-NBA nods and Championships. But he thought it was all going to come easy after "taking his talents to South Beach", that life was going to be a breeze with Wade and Bosh along for the ride. He was rudely awakened several times this season; by the Heat's horrible start, cohesion issues with Wade in the halfcourt, and issues closing games against good teams that plagued them right until the playoffs. But still, his dream stayed alive.

It was surely dancing merrily through his head as he basked in the media spotlight last summer, blissfully feigning deliberation while he plotted his exit from Cleveland. It was definitely consuming his thoughts when he had an Adam Morrison-esque on-court meltdown after finally beating the Celtics, in the 2nd Round. It was absolutely all he could think about a couple Thursdays ago when the Heat took a seemingly insurmountable 4th quarter lead in Game 3, and began celebrating like they were already the champs....Right before Dallas stormed back and brought Lebron's dreams crashing back down to reality where, after last night's fatal loss, they'll remain grounded.

Don't get me wrong, last night was about so many other things, but not only was watching Lebron fail extremely satisfying for someone who spent years cheering him on only to have him pull the most despicable cop-outs in the history of pro sports, it upholds justice for the good of the game.

Miami went about the whole thing wrong; they concocted a sleazy pillaging of top-tier talent (perhaps illegally), presented themselves as though they were Gods, boasted and made fools of themselves for most of the season (even when they were losing), let their coach admit guys cried after losses (now we know who), behaved like 4th graders in the Finals, and ultimately got what they deserved; a humbling loss on their homecourt to a team that wanted it more. Their entire season was a crash course in poor conduct, with James at the forefront. His Twitter was on point for once; this wasn't his time. They'll get sent back to the drawing board, and hopefully (for their sake) come back more humble and focused. He obviously didn't learn from his failure in Cleveland, or the severe lynching his image has taken this year, so who's to know if he'll get the message, or keep dreaming.

But yeah, the Dallas Mavericks! NBA Champions! Fuck, that feels weird, not only because it's never been said before, but because jokes about the Mavs choking were as longstanding a spring tradition as horrible officiating. I'm glad to see them break through, even though I've spent more time hating on Dirk than pretty much anything else in life over the past few years. He really impressed me this spring, putting his team on his back and delivering absolute monster performances, closing out games with an unseen killer instinct, battling through injury and illness, and, in contrast to the Heat, acting like a deserving champion. If you're still a Dirk hater, get over yourself, you're too fucking hard to please.

Beyond the Diggler solidifying his Hall of Fame legacy, Jason Kidd was also able to add a title to his Springfield credentials after many a playoff run; if he wasn't a wife-battering asshole I'd probably be happy for him because he's, at 38, still an amazing player. It's nice to see Jason Terry get a ring, Tyson Chandler too; JJ Barea looked like the hungriest guy out there and was a huge X Factor, so he deserves his shine. Shawn Marion's a wash 'cause he played very well, but a huge part of me can't help but feel like his locker-room diva act that forced his way out Phoenix is the biggest single reason why Steve Nash doesn't have a ring...and Deshawn Stevenson...Just hilarious...I'm putting his over-under for Lebron jokes at their postgame party around 80.

Nobody deserves this championship more than Mark Cuban though, because he's the best owner in pro sports. He was like a kid with a toy, except that toy happened to be an NBA franchise. But he took great care of it; he bought a team that had sucked ass for years, was losing its fan base, and fading into obscurity, and immediately made them relevant. Not only were they winning games, and entertaining everybody, but Cuban was drumming up publicity with his in-game antics and constant scrutiny of league policy. Sure, he overpaid players (and didn't overpay the one he should have) but he treated them amazingly well, pimped out their locker room, flew their families around, and created a winning environment that finally reached its apex last night.

Now, much like last year, we drift into an offseason of uncertainty, and its hard to fathom, but much bigger outcomes are at stake. As much as I loved watching Lebron's dream die, I can only hope it's not too long before he gets to chase it again.

The ReBirth of Dirk: Back to the Finals

June 24, 1998;

The soon-to-be-vacated GM Place in Vancouver played host to the NBA Draft; one that would produce a multitude of success stories such as Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, and of course, Michael Olowokandi. Somewhat buried in the annals of franchise-altering horrible trades was one that went down that day; the Milwaukee Bucks snagged German 7-foot prospect Dirk Nowitzki with the 9th pick, and shipped him to the Dallas Mavericks with Pat Garrity for 6th pick Robert Traylor. The Bucks took the loser's end hard, as Traylor's career buckled before it ever took off, while Dallas rode Nowtizki's revolutionary play to a decade's worth of playoff appearances. The tragic part about Dirk's success was that it never seemed to come when it mattered most, and the Mavs flamed out in the playoffs, year after year.

A tragedy of a much greater magnitude took form on May 11th, when Traylor - who had been plagued by conditioning issues throughout his career - suffered a fatal heart attack at his Puerto Rico apartment. Around the same time, the Diggler - who had been plagued by playoff invisibility issues throughout his career - began an all-out assault on opposing defences that's forced even the most jaded Dirk hater (me, in case you're wondering) to admit that he's playing the best basketball in the NBA right now, leading an emphatic charge into the Finals.

Now, by no means am I trying to claim that some preordained supernatural bullshit is connecting these two incidents. Nor am I even suggesting that Traylor's passing made a light go off in Dirk's head that produced this devastating blitzkrieg. But the irony of this timing can't be ignored, because Nowitzki is suddenly playing playoff basketball with a sense of something he's never grasped before: urgency. He's 32, and been in the NBA for 12 years; he saw the window closing and knew this was the time to go all-out with the best team he's ever played on. Dirk spent years listlessly drifting through the playoffs; sure he scored in bunches, but he hardly ever served his opponents with the vicious killer instinct he's displayed these past few weeks. The kind of mentality that evokes not only respect, but fear.

The Mavs now roll into the Finals, looking to avenge the collapse that has marred their last decade's success, against the (well, not really) same team that buried them. While they have depth and experience on Miami for days, the Heat just beasted the team that was probably best equipped to defend them in the NBA and are looking very serious. Miami (obviously) owns the edge at 2 & 3, and although that's about all they have going for them, stopping Lebron & Wade (I'm not going to mention Bosh because as impressive as he was against the Bulls, Boozer was a bum, and Nowitzki is going to destroy him, like confidence-shattering ownage) - by anyone's measuring stick, two of the top five players in the league - when they're this close to a title is going to be very f***ing difficult, especially for a team with only two serviceable defenders to throw at them.

The key to this series figures to be the ability of Dallas' offensive secondary to offset the LeWyane Effect. If guys like Barea and Terry, and Marion can overcome what's sure to be a stifling defensive effort from James and Wade, and provide Dirk with consistent scoring support, then Dallas will be tough to beat. But what I can't get out of my head is how the Western Finals were essentially decided by OKC repeatedly shooting themselves in the face down the stretch of close games, while the Heat closed out several games with crippling 4th quarters, forcing silence upon all those that criticized their clutch factor this season. Which is what's forcing me to believe that despite Dirk's emancipation, the Mavs are, once again, about to come up short. I really hate saying this (even if it validates my preseason prediction): Heat in 6. It's a shame the title celebration won't look this stupid.

My Words Taste...Bitter

I ate my own words last night.

It was really uncomfortable.

Not only was I tied up and force-fed, but they went down about as smoothly as a day-old donair and rested twice as bad in my stomach. I felt like throwing up all night and hardly slept.

The Dallas Mavericks, and in particular Dirk Nowitzki, did what I couldn't have fathomed last night; sweeping homecourt from the Lakers with a decisive win that left the two-time champs reeling. Disco (and unlikely sidekick JJ Barea) buried LA down the stretch with a series of cold-hearted daggers; Kobe was beside himself, Pau was (predictably) helpless, hell Jack Nicholson was losing his cool. Boos rained down from the Staples center while the "favorites" put themselves in a crippling hole against, of all teams, the one with the most troubling past of playoff collapses.

Game 2 forced us all to wake up to the reality that these are indeed a new Dallas Mavericks; now fortified by likely the best defender they've had in the past decade, they've started to adjust and be able to win games without consistent scoring depth. They still have a decent corps of guns that can punish a sleeping defense (see: last night), but these Mavs have adopted a defensive toughness unseen in the past, and it's made them a completely different team in the playoffs. Their history was so deep that their playoff success was one of those "see it to believe it" type phenomena. Well...Believe.

The odds and momentum are heavily in their favor. We've seen this movie before, but there's likely a plot twist or two in store.

Watch out for Thorns: Back at the Rose Garden

I kicked off my last post with a bit about how shitty my timing was, and how excited I was to finally get to enjoy every second of playoff basketball, now that it's finally back. Well the Gods are either mocking me, or my karmatic vibes are coming back around for all the merciless Dirk hating I've done. Sure enough, my cable company's inept accounting department has cut my service for an allegedly "overdue" bill that was paid four months ago, leaving me in a nomadic trek between my parents' place and nearby bars, watching when I can, not enjoying things like I should be. I feel like Drew Gooden.

Today, I've decided to kick back at the parents' pad for Game 4 of the Mavs/Blazers opening rounder, a great matchup, turned Brandon Roy soap opera (more on that in a second), and my only upset pick in the first round. Despite their 2-1 lead, the Mavs haven't looked to be decisively in control of this series, and still look vulnerable. I wouldn't be surprised if this went back to Dallas knotted up, but this is also coming from the guy who thought the Knicks might stand their ground at MSG last night; hopefully the Blazers can make me look slightly less stupid.

Before we get into the thick of things, much has been made of Brandon Roy's tearful outburst over a lack of playing time, with many stances being taken on his comments. It's a difficult and delicate situation, and Roy has been through hell trying to get back on the court. But the sad reality is that this team made the playoffs without him, centered around LaMarcus Aldridge, and developing roles for other players. For Roy to return and expect to attempt to re-gain a rhythm, against a superior team in a playoff series, taking minutes from the guys who got them there, on two paper mache knees, if his coach doesn't feel comfortable with it, is unreasonable. Roy's an incredible player if he's healthy, and showed flashes of it in Game 3, but regardless of his former status, and heroic return, his minutes can't be pre-ordained right now.

Anyways, with that out of the way, on with the show...

- Catching the end of this Pacers meltdown is the most hilarious bonus coverage ever. Up 15 with 2:15 left. Up 1 with 15 left. With your season on the line. Joakim Noah just got left open enough for him to break an inbound play and drive for an and-one from 18 feet. Just unreal.

- They finally wake up, defending like madmen on the final Bulls possession and forcing a Carlos Boozer 3 (career 1-9) for the tie. Now, instead of pondering whether this was a good shot, let us wonder why one of the best offensive rebounders in the NBA was straddling the 3 point line, when a quick put-back would've been crucial. Such a shitty way for an awesome comeback to end.

- We've entered The Garden. Ya, after the dud the Knicks threw down last night, Portland's stolen "The Garden" from them, meltdown pending.

- Toss-Up: Wesley Matthews dropping 22 in the first half again, or Jason Kidd dunking on Marcus Camby?

- Deshawn Stevenson's carrying the offensive load early with two treys; 8-4 Mavs at 6:30

- Wesley Matthews promptly shuts me up with an icy three-ball.

- Matthews again, walking right through 4 Mavs in transition. Maybe Kidd's been on Air Alert?...And put on a couple inches?...And owns a time machine?

- Tyson Chandler was possibly the most under-rated player in the NBA this season. For all the (deserved) hype Dwight got about his defense, Chandler was the backbone of an equally atrocious group of perimeter defenders, disrupting penetration and waxing glass all year. He's been huge early.

- A perfect storm of passive offense and solid D, with a touch of sloppy play, has produced a painful first quarter; 16-11 Mavs after 1. 12 combined turnovers. Barea and Matthews have the only field goals in the paint. Good times.

- Barea knows no fear! Really though, his aggression against Portland's bigs is impressive, especially for a guy who makes Eric Murphy look like Arvydas Sabonis.

- Brandon Roy watch: 0-5 early, all jumpers. If this were the regular season I'd have no problem, but this just isn't the time to try and shoot yourself into a rhythm.

- More jumpers for Portland: 5-21 early, they trail 22-13 at 9:05

- Barea keep getting to the hole but the Blazers body up; first a Roy charge, then a Camby swat

- Hard Stojakovic foul on Roy going to the hoop. He seems shaken up, but I have little faith that Peja can hit this guy hard enough to take him out

- Dirk Diggler with a fading, off-balance jumper over two defenders, off a spin into the lane. I wish I could find Nowitzki (for some reason) climbing out of a zoo bearpit, so I could re-enact Wes Mantooth's "I HATE YOU!...But dammit, I respect you" speech. And then push him back in.

- Ason Kidd's putting in a decent campaign to have the "J" returned to his name. Take Wilt's 100, Oscar's season-long triple-double, and shove them; the most incredible stat is Kidd being 3rd in career 3's. I find that completely incomprehensible, somebody with connections is lying.

- Tyson Chandler: perhaps not the guy you want to run your offense through. Though, the way Portland's looked so far, he'd make a great PG for them. 35-27 Mavs at 3:30

- Aldridge turns upcourt, runs straight into Chandler's elbow and gets up in his grill. Chandler raises his arms and walks away. So Aldridge shoves him. Well, that was perfectly reasonable. 'Couple technicals.

- The scrappy play continues as Dirk and Miller fall to the hardwood fighting over a loose ball. Dirk: "So THIS is what playoff basketball's like..."

- Great team play from Portland: Aldridge deflects a pass, saves it to Matthews, who hits Wallace for a nice oop in transition....Matthews again! Suddenly the Blazers are alive and within 4.

- With Dallas' offense on life support, Portland closes the quarter on a 10-2 run. They trail 37-35, and their best player's been a complete non-factor so far; this is very winnable.

- Chuck on Carlos Boozer: "The key to life is knowing your limitations". How many times have those words found their way out of his mouth at the Palms?

- Dallas has 2 points off 8 turnovers and hasn't been to the line as the third quarter begins. Yikes. This game's been a struggle offensively.

- Both teams come out with more jumpers; watching Gerald Wallace settle for a pull-up is like seeing a girl with an amazing butt in really loose sweatpants.

- ..."the other balls" aren't the only ones you kill. Every time you're on TV, we all die a little inside.

- "J"ason Kidd wets another three, the kind that hurts your ears from the mesh twanging so close to the mic.

- The Blazers are 0-7 from the field this quarter and trail by 9, but Chandler just picked up #4 at 7:20

- More J's for the Blazers. (haha, seems about right) Now 0-9, down by 15. At least they're in bonus now so they might be able to get something going at the stripe.

- Dirk bangs a 2nd chance 3; Portland needs to wake the f*** up.

- Portland, again, gets no penetration and settles for a 3 from a streaky shooter (Nicolas Batum) who's hit nothing all day. Somebody, please slap these guys.

- Portland then has Aldridge BACKING DOWN JASON KIDD on the block, who against no double, kicks it out for another missed 3. 0-12.

- Ok, we're down to under 3 minutes. Portland has yet to hit a field goal in this quarter, in 14 futile attempts (now 24% for the game). As much as I wanna see Dallas lose, that seems highly unlikely now, and seeing them go a whole quarter would be really funny.

- Conversely, Peja bangs another 3, the Mavs are 8-14 from deep

- Finally Aldridge catches the ball deep and nets the field goal Portland needed 10 minutes ago, off the look they should've been exploiting the second Chandler hit the bench. Instead, they listlessly drifted the quarter and Trail by 18 heading into the fourth. I'm going to grab some beers.

Get Your Popcorn: The 2010 NBA All-Star Game, (not really) Live on Basketball Banter!

In about 5 minutes, the NBA's midseason classic will be getting underway. The 2010 All-Star Game has been billed a spectacle unlike any before. Mark Cuban's idiotic hyperbole ("It will make the Super Bowl look like a bar mitzvah") aside, this will be a huge event for the NBA; its 90,000+ attendees make up the largest crowd ever to watch a basketball game. Despite some key injuries, it's also the best collection of talent on a court together this year...and after the joke of a dunk contest we all labored through last night, us NBA fans are hungry for some highlights. After some Usher-led intros, tipoff's getting set, so let's get involved:

- West wins the tip. Quick Nash to Nowitzki for an 18-foot jumper. Early MVP favorite? After a Lebron miss, another Dirk jumper...not convinced yet?

- A whole lot of jumpers so far. A couple airballs. Melo just made the first move to the hoop but couldnt hit the rim either...Lebron finally responds with a trey to put the East on the board.

- Amare puts back a yet another bricked jumper for the game's first dunk. Not to be outdone, Dwyane comes back off the backboard and onto Steve Nash.

- The game's starting to open up a bit now, the West is driving, dunking...hahaha aaaand Dwight hits a 3. Career first? Then he bricks one off the dribble next time up court? Stan must have a good sense of humor. He gets back to business quickly, pinning Melo 10 seconds later, then finishing with an and-1 tomahawk at the other end.

- Apparently the behemoth this game's taking place in will also host the Super Bowl and Final Four in the next 3 years. Jerry Jones is doin' his damn best to get his $1.5 billion worth.

- 5 left in the first and we're knotted at 20. The refs are calling a clean game so far, couple surprising whistles. The East is still bricking a lot of jumpers, the latest offender: 3-Point champ Paul Pierce.

- Dallas heroes collide as Chris Bosh cleans up an inevitable East brick and puts a disheartening crowning on the Dirkster. Bad news for Diggler all around as Melo's doing his best to stymie the MVP early; he's already halfway back downcourt by the time his 11th, 12th and 13th points fall through the net.

- We hear from Craig Sager; haven't seen his suit yet.

- The East's jumper woes are finally cured by...Rajon Rondo? Somehow they're up.

- Gasol gets mugged by Bosh and Howard and the refs give him a goaltending call? The elephants (..can't really call them zebras..) are really earning those paychecks tonight. 37-34 East after one.

- As the 2nd quarter starts....shit Deron can get UP!..sorry, the broadcast highlights the elevated court the game's being played on, a recent trend in new arenas. I dont get this. Has 'severe injury' written all over it if a player chases a ball out of bounds...not that we'll see that tonight tho...

- The boys are starting to put on a show now; Wade's dunking on everyone, Deron's pushing everything, tossing and catching alley-oops, really making the most of it now that he's finally here.

- TNT's about to air a segment called "What It Takes to Be an All-Star". In the West? Don't get injured. in the East? A playoff team.

- D-Fish in the house. The NBAPA pres is on hand with more nervous kids than a Neverland Ranch party for a special 'NBA Cares' presentation. Couldn't they do the CSR bit at halftime?

- Back to the game; Derek Rose gets loose in transition...Deron to KD for a huge cram...DWade puts down his 27th dunk of the night, a nice slashign tomahawk. Been a nice game so far....not enough to make upfor last night but its a start.

- Finally we get a Craig sighting sideline with Kevin Durant. His attire's surprisingly subdued this evening; a red blazer dapperly adorned by what appears to be a black suede suit. He's got these stupid shiny things on his tie though...he just couldn't resist.

- We also have our first Chris Kaman sighting. Enjoy it folks, won't last long.

- The East is starting to hit a few jumpers now, has a few nice transition buckets, and a 7-point lead at the half. Melo's got 17, but the East has 4 guys in double figures. Between the lax D and these guys being the best players on the planet, you have to think the home team's gonna start finding the net in the second half.

- Halftime performers: Alicia Keys and Shakira...Well done, Mr Stern.


- Shakira ascends to the stage in a cage, has apparently hired Britney Spears' old wardrobe manager, and the camera's giving ample attention to her..um..ass(ets). I can't stand the song she's singing, but still enjoying this as much as the game.


- Now for some Songs in A Minor. This lady's got one of the smoothest voices out there. Unfortunately, Alicia went a more conserative route with her attire...still though...damn.


- USA Basketball introduces their squad for the upcoming World Championships, offering up what has to be a somewhat sarcastic "we wish the best of luck to all teams competing in Turkey" while lining up the best players in tonight's game and flanking them with some of the nicest young guns in the L.


- Alright, 40 minutes later, it's back to the game. Opens with...another ugly brick from the East.


- Dwight decides to man the point and goes coast to coast for a dotted-line slam. Shaq can say what he wants about the guy but he's a fucking monster and he knows how to put on a show. That being said, nobody should try to punk Superman's nickname, he sparked that beef.


- Wade to D12 for a nice one hand slam on the break. His head's well above the rim on the replay...with the East up 14, Howard's suddenly making an MVP push.


- Lebron airballs a trey...and just when I was about to write something slanderous, he catches a feed from Wade, clutches a reverse slam and sits on Tim Duncan's head...and serves a nice encore on the next play.


- Out of a timeout, Bron returns the favor a tosses Wade a lob on the break. James is even hitting jumpers now. My Dirk prediction's looking worse every minute.


- This is getting ridiculous. As Bron skies for a soaring 2-hander on the break, we're reminded that Wade's got a double-double with 20 and 10 dimes. The West is looking gassed, like they really coulda used those injured bodies.


- Durant ices one from the parking lot as the buzzer sounds. It's 118-109 for the East going into the fourth. Melo's got 25 to lead all scorers.

- 108,000 and change in attendance. Not shabby.

- West comes out on a tear and cuts it to two in just over a minute. Guess we're gonna have a game on our hands here.

- Celeb Watch: Jigga, P Diddy, TO, Chris Tuckered; lookin like he's 60, Gabrielle Union (anyone got her on Facebook?), The Governator, and of course Spike Lee.

- Wade saves/lobs behind his back to Lebron on the break...who saves it between his legs to Rondo...who dishes behind the back to Wade.........who loses it as he goes up and gets fouled. Rats.

- Next time up the floor, Zach Randolph lays the hardest foul in All-Star history on Wade as he flies baseline.

- The odd whistles continue, a backcourt violation leads to a goaltend to knot the score at 124.

- Rondo pilfers the rock, straddles the sideline, and hits Wade for a nice oop (I'm pretty sure all Wade's field goals tonight are dunks); East up 4.

- For some reason, they're still showing those lame dunk contest ads with those spoken-word poets begging for a night that "goes down in history" and "gives us something to read about"...were they watching? Fuck off already.

- Wade with another steal, another dunk, another nail in the MVP coffin?. The East is looking like they're in control, up nine with 3:30 to go.

- A pair of free throws from Dirk cut it to 5 a minute later. The East is back to bricking jumpers...stay tuned....oops another steal leads to a Lebron breakaway dunk...and Chauncey comes back with an icy 3. Mr Big Shot indeed.

- Another Nowitzki trip to the charity stripe, and it's a two point game with a buck thirty left. Too early to ask for overtime?

- Chaaauuuunceyyyyyy. Billups ties it with a stepback right in Wade's mug.

- The game is tied, 30 seconds left, 100, 000 people on their feet, Deron Williams....dribbles into traffic and turns it over...and then fouls Wade with 11.2 left under the false pretense that his team was down two. Dwyane hits both, setting up what's either going to be a very thrilling or very stupid conclusion.

- They draw up a screen to free Dirk for a triple. Dwight bites on a pump fake and sends Nowitzki to the line, where he inevitably hits both. Tie game with 7.7 left...

- So who's getting the shot? My money's on a Lebron iso...but no a screen for Bosh off his own inbound. He gets tripped and wets both at the line...enough with the free throws already.

- 5 seconds left...does Dirk get another shot at the win? Instead Melo bails on a trey, the East wins a tight one 141-139. Wade's gotta be the MVP. Between the high-flying antics of Howard, Wade and James, a halftime show that looked (..and mostly sounded) better than The Who, and a relatively thrilling game down the stretch, the largest crowd ever to watch a basketball game got their money's worth. Even at like $500 a pop for nosebleeds.

- Confirming the obvious, Dwyane Wade takes down the MVP. All in all, a pretty entertaining evening, but I'm all outta popcorn. I'll get back later this week to break down the trade deadline madness, til then, peace.

Recognize: The All-Decade Team

So the first decade of this new millennium's almost in the books. In a couple weeks we'll be ringing in not only a new year but a new era of sorts; history tends to divide decades; identifying each by the trends that defined them. The 2000's were plagued by constraint and censorship as the NBA weathered a pair of economic meltdowns, a referee gambling debacle, and increasing tension with the Players' Union. Ten years ago we would've laughed at the notion of a league-wide dress code, welcomed a brave high-schooler into the League and assumed the Malice at the Palace had something to do with Bill Laimbeer. But there was plenty more we didn't know. We had no idea who Lebron James was, that MJ had a third run in him, or the critical importance Eagle, Colorado would come to play in Kobe's Bryant's life. We hadn't seen the Lakers' heroics, the Spurs' monotony or most of Vince Carter's Greatest Hits. Yao Ming was an indie flick at some foreign film festival, the proper spelling was DwaYne, and 'Impossible is Nothing' was a cynical thought buried deep in Kevin Garnett's subconscious. Yup, the NBA's a different place; we've seen the game go global and its players are showcasing their awesome talent on an ever-expanding audience. Which is the one of the few things that's remained about the League, and always will: the sheer brilliance of basketball's elite. So before we jump into a new decade and the change it'll bring, here's a toast to the guys who really did it proper over the past ten years; the All-Decade Team.

STARTERS
Point Guard - Steve Nash, Dallas Mavericks/Phoenix Suns
Among the many other things we didn't see coming back in 2000 was a skinny, 6-foot, soccer playing white guy from Canada winning two MVPs. Nash was the medium through which Mike D'Antoni ushered in his 7 Seconds or Less brand of entertaining basketball, and he revolutionized the one spot. His unique passing ability and lethal shooting were ideal for an offense that thrived on fast-breaking, pick and rolls and habitually itchy trigger fingers. While his defense was never World-class (or even NBA-class in some minds), his impact on the high-octane Dallas and Phoenix squads he manned this decade was undeniable, and gives him the starting nod by a hair over Jason Kidd.

Shooting Guard - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Arguably the most impressive individual in the League over the past ten years, we watched Bryant struggle with superstardom the most, but also win regular season and Finals MVP awards, annual All-Star, All-Defense and All-NBA recognition, not to mention four rings. Along the way, he re-wrote scoring records, truly meriting those inevitable and inescapable Jordan comparisons he faced for years. The 45+ streak. The 81. The countless hearts he shattered at the buzzer against all odds, over and over. Much tumult bruised his early career, but Bryant's finally found what he was looking for; he's the man on the best team in the League, and that he's ever played on. Believe his legacy won't end with this decade.

Small Forward - Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Even before he arrived on the scene, James was the man. The hype surrounding this kid was unfathomable, but despite Rider-high expectations, he managed to exceed them time after time. At a point where most high-school draftees are still gathering dust on benches, Bron was dragging Tayshaun-thin Cavs squads to deep playoff runs and making 28/7/7 seem mundane. The sad reality is that there's little he'll be able to impress us in the regular season at this point; once his playoff heroics are aptly complemented by the guys around him, he'll take his place among the game's All-Time greats. While we're just Witnessing the cusp of his greatness, what he's accomplished so far makes him a no-brainer for this spot.

Power Forward - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Timmy D's always walked softly -never the loudest or flashiest guy around- but carries a rather large proverbial stick; over the past ten years he's established himself as the greatest power forward in the game's history. His methodical dominance was a walking embodiment of James Naismith's vision; a game so textbook, so flawless, that age, injury and countless lineup changes haven't phased his brilliance. Three of four titles, two MVPs, All-Everything All-Day. Even if he bored us all through the 2000's, he's in a class by himself.

Center- Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Lakers/Miami Heat (...Phoenix Suns/Cleveland Cavaliers) In a decade that seriously contrasted the 90s' big-man dominance (making All-Stars out of Dale and Antonio Davis, Jamaal Magliore and Zydrunas Ilgauskas) Diesel's credentials easily stand out as the best among centers. Although he's spent most of the past few years buried in indifference and calories, the early 2000's Shaq was a force the League hasn't and likely won't see the likes of for some time. He re-defined unguardable, leading LA to a three-peat while feuding with Kobe and enduring a barrage of Hack-a-Shaq; basketball's version of the below-the-belt-blow. Though he was never a prolific foul shooter, O'Neal was a dominant scorer, rebounder and shot-blocker and severely underrated passer who imposed upon the post like none before.

BENCH
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Flash has managed to match Lebron's lofty career arc almost step for step, putting up retarded numbers year after year, and hauling Miami on his back for an unlikely title run in 2006.

Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets/Phoenix Suns/Dallas Mavericks

The best all-around point guard of our era, Kidd nearly copped a couple MVPs and led the Nets to two Finals appearances. His jumper and defense were scrutinized, but Kidd spent years as the L's most coveted quarterback.

Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers/Denver Nuggets/Memphis Grizzlies?

While his teams struggled to complement him with functional surroundings, Iverson was an unstoppable scorer and pesky defender who dragged Philly to the Finals in his MVP '01 season, but stands as the player who's accomplished the least team success on this squad.

Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves/Boston Celtics
KG's dominant all-around game through years of mediocrity in Minnesota cemented him a spot on this team long before his arrival in Boston finally brought a title and the completion of a Hall of Fame legacy.

Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Pierce spent years as a criminally underrated star in Boston; much like Garnett in Minny he was surrounded by talent that betrayed his champion potential, until the two joined forces and brought a 17th title to Beantown.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

As much as I hate conceding it, Dirk has to be here. He brought a new and often-imitated dimension to a 7-footer's game, winning and MVP* and leading the Mavs deep into the playoffs more often than not.

Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons (I'm ignoring the rest)

Although devoid of any offensive skill, Big Ben was the scariest mother-fucker and best defender in the League for the first half of the decade. His years as a bathtub plug in Chicago and Cleveland aside, he's a marginal choice over a dude who can hardly play 50 games a year.

All-Snub Team: Chauncey Billups, Vince Carter, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Webber, Yao Ming