...And Now For Some Fake Awards...

Tooooonight, coming to you live from a dingy living room in Halifax, Nova Scotia, it's the Halftime Edition of the 2011 Basketball Banter Awards! We've got plenty of trophies to hand out, so let's get into it; grab your popcorn and enjoy the show.

The Justin Bieber Award - Lebron James, Miami Heat: Goes to the player who's been everywhere for the past year, and could honestly use some down time.

Ok, so I know he's the most amazing/most celebrated/most hated player in the NBA right now. That's cool. He delivers a lot of horses to the engine that powers the league's media image. That being said, the press's complete marination in the Heat, and specifically Lebron, has been sickening. Lebron's Twitter account is becoming like Facebook's MiniFeed; information that I don't need to know (or give a fuck about) being served to me unavoidably. This is clearly what Lebron wants; he's embracing his role as the villain because he loves the attention. Let's try not to indulge him so much.

Regards to: Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh

The Simmons BeautyRest Award - Jrue Holiday, Philadelphia 76ers: Goes to the player who's having an awesome season and being totally slept on.

Lost in all the crowded MIP talk is Holiday, the second-year point who's showing maturity beyond his years in quarterbacking the Sixers' dysfunctional offense. I brag enough about the benefits of League Pass, but being able to see young emerging players on crappy teams that would never make national TV is among the best. Holiday fits the bill as a creative playmaker who can also fill the basket, as he is often charged with on the offensively-challenged 76ers. His play is unheralded largely because Philly's bordering on Most Irrelevant status; only copping TV time on the wrong end of highlight reels. Only hoop addicts, fantasy buffs and Sixers fans know how nice this guy is, but it shouldn't be long before he forces people to wake up.

Regards to: Wesley Matthews, Al Horford, Arron Afflalo

The Canibus Award - JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavaliers: Goes to the player who was supposed to blow up this year, and instead has failed to make much of himself.

Hickson had it all this year: Loads of opportunity for playing time. A shitty team with absolutely no expectations. The momentum from an absolute romp in the Summer League. A new coach with a fresh attitude and a soft spot for Hickson's upside. So far we haven't heard much. Hickson's been inconsistent, listless and in and out of Lord Byron's doghouse, contributing to the Cavs' meltdown that has (very creepily) mirrored Miami's season almost game for game.
Regards to: Roy Hibbert, 90% of the Detroit Pistons roster, Darren Collison

The Bobby Boucher Trophy - Blake Griffin, LA Clippers: Goes to the player whose arrival on a new team has had the greatest positive impact.

The way Griffin's taken the NBA by storm this year is most easily likened to a tragic hurricane in terms of the devastation and calamity he's caused for those in his path. The Clippers have managed to sail clear of the storm though, playing their best basketball since the Elton Brand days and now the talk of the league, largely due to Griffin's ridiculous numbers and reckless abuse of opposing baskets. That the Clippers are knocking off good teams is icing on the cake; that the'ye being spoken of in a context other than 'walking joke' is a serious boost that appears to have rejuvenated their entire roster; hell even Baron's playing well now.
Regards to: Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, Tyson Chandler (...and yes, I'm intentionally snubbing Lebron)

(Side note: Blake Griffin has also won the Shawn Kemp Memorial Award for the most exciting/demoralizing dunker, which in completely unrelated news, is being temporarily retired while under review to be re-named "The Blake Griffin Award")

The Tim Donaghy Award - OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies: Goes to the player whose gambling has caused serious issues for himself/his team/the NBA.

Quite the season OJ's having. Already mired in a shooting slump that cost him his starting job, Mayo lost a dime-five to Tony Allen on a redeye card game, couldn't take the loss like a man, and started chirping him. Allen retaliated by whupping Mayo's ass (which became a nationally-blown-up scrum; a rare blemish in an otherwise-quiet season for a violence-enamored league) and punking even more of his minutes; leaving Mayo the latest poster child for superstar irresponsibility, and with his head resting on the trading block.
Regards to nobody; this one's all you man.

The Flavor Flav Award - Darko Milicic, Minnesota Timberwolves: Goes to the player who made a strong comeback from obscurity/adversity to gain relevance again.

To say that Darko's NBA career was going poorly would be like calling Corner Gas uneventful; a polite way of describing a far more profane and morbid reality. He had the misfortune of being born in such a year that his development as an NBA prospect would align perfectly with the "Dirk Factor", which bloated the draft stock of countless European centers over the past decade. This led to his erroneously high selection, and prompt burial on the bench of a deep title contender, under the tutelage of a coach who never much cared for young prospects. This planted firm seeds of frustration in Milicic; seeds that poisoned his career as he bounced from team to team, collecting bench splinters and struggling to fit in; never given room to blossom. His confidence was whittled away until last summer, when he seemed bent on retirement, and the only man stupid enough to give Darko $20 million willingly forked it over...Then a funny thing happened; he actually started playing well enough to take the whole league by notice: Now a legit starting center who's among the league leaders in swats and actually commands attention on offense. It's a long way from reversing his simply awful luck, but given how deep he'd buried himself, any signs of life from Darko should feel redeeming.

Regards to: Gilbert Arenas, Andrew Bogut, and a special D-League shout-out to Antoine Walker

Dunk of the Half - Blake Griffin on Danilo Gallinari
Blake had a very loud coming out party against the Knicks back in November. He dropped 44, including a vicious array of highlight slams, most maliciously targeting Galinari, who found himself hopelessly lost on Griffin Island as he tried to stop a one-man fast break. He just as quickly found himself spun off of by a much larger man in a fit of graceful agility that instantly morphed into destructive power in the form of an ego-shattering tomahawk...Right on poor Gallo's head...And thanks to the glory of the internet, he (nor any of us) will ever forget.



Regards to: JR Smith on Gary Neal, James Harden on JJ Hickson, Blake Griffin on basically anybody

Ham of the Half - Ron Artest, LA Lakers; Goes to the player who, through continued on and off-court incompetence, has insulted any/all expectations.

When the Lakers signed Ron Artest before last season, the impression was that he would fill Trevor Ariza's shoes as a defensive-minded swingman who could hit jumpers and exist within the triangle. While he managed to survive the first season well enough to help LA to a title, winning it is apparently the worst thing ever to happen to him. After auctioning off what should've been his most prized possession (regardless of his philanthropic motivations, the whole thing seemed like a publicity stunt), Artest has been mired in a haze of passive defense and bricked jumpers, appearing to be more aptly pissing off Kobe Bryant than anything else. A lot of reality checking needs to be done in Lakerland, starting with its usual suspect.

Regards to: Baron Davis (1 week won't save you), Samuel Dalembert, Evan Turner

The A-Team Award - Boston Celtics; Given to the team who, at this point, looks like the best in the NBA.

This was tough. Really fuckin' tough. Not only because I still somewhat despise the Celtics for indirectly destroying my favorite player as I knew him, or 'cause the Spurs have been very, very good; the best record in the NBA in its tougher conference. This was tough because nobody really looks like a favorite; Dallas lost Butler for good and looks lost without Dirk, LA's got a serious championship hangover, Miami's still got lots to prove and Orlando's still waiting on the jury. But looking at what Boston's done with what they've had, it's tough not to fear them. They've enjoyed their usual hot start, but it's been maintained longer through a (somewhat) tougher conference, nasty early schedule, and a barrage of injuries. Jermaine O'Neal's played like 5 minutes all year. Shaq's been hobbled. Garnett and Rondo have each missed 2 weeks, and Kendrick Perkins is still on the horizon. They still have the best record in the East. Make no mistake; this will be the hungriest team in the NBA come playoffs, and at full strength (which, if you're a skeptic, looks just as shaky for every contender out West) the way everyone else is playing, they might be its best. They have the size, experience and depth to match just about anybody, their defensive intensity is unreal and their cohesiveness is unmatched...and Rasheed's coming back? Good luck.

Regards to: San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat (post-Cleveland), Dallas Mavericks (w/Dirk)

PED Watch: The Early Most Improved Candidates

Now well into December, we're already rounding the corner of the regular season's first quarter, weird as it seems. "Weird"s also a rather appropriate way to describe the NBA season so far; things are just a bit out of place. I mean sure, the Lakers, Spurs, Magic and Celtics are kicking ass, Greg Oden and Yao Ming are down for the count, the Clippers are underwhelming and every player who isn't a Boston Celtic hates Kevin Garnett, some things never change...

But look at the other side: The almighty Heat, despite having hit their stride since The Return, have kinda sucked so far. The Indiana Pacers, long buried in boredom and awfulness, have been kinda good. A 6'9" white dude who your arthritic grandfather can outjump is owning the rebounding game. Derek Rose can suddenly shoot, Brook Lopez suddenly can't, Darko Milicic suddenly is a legit starting center and the Post-Bosh Raptors (!) actually look like playoff contenders. Hell, the early-season MVP favorite hasn't been the best player on his own team so far, in a race where the names "James" and "Wade" are nowhere to be found for the first time in over a half-decade.

Yep, things are-a-changin' all over the league, as it is with these next few players; the guys who really put in work over the summer and have come out with significantly improved game, the early season favorites for Most Improved Player...


Roy Hibbert - A big part of the Pacers' impressive early start (and subsequent shaking of Least Relevant status) has been Hibbert showing up looking 50 pounds lighter than last spring and displaying a more polished offensive game than ever. His svelte new cut has meant an improved motor without all that weight to carry; he attacks the boards harder, still imposes as a shot blocker, and finishes with greater athleticism. Indiana's resurgence this year has been almost as unlikely as Hibbert's transition from immobile mass to future All-Star.

Eric Gordon -Despite his recent 3-point woes, the all-around maturation of Gordon's game has given the Clippers one of the best young prospects they'll ever eventually lose to free agency. One of the many beneficiaries of the "Team USA" effect(no joke, with the exception of a slightly-injured Kevin Durant, every player from that team has come back much better than last season), Gordon has become a relentless basket-attacker who gets to the line at an alarming rate and defends the wing much better than your typical scoring 2. Unfortuantely for him, the growth he experienced this summer is unlikely to be fostered well while sharing a backcourt with Baron Davis and playing for the f***ing Clippers.

Kevin Love - Nobody's arguing about playing time now. Perhaps sparked by an opening-night benching, Love has been dropping 20/20 more than your local optometrist and pairing with a fellow MIP candidate (see below) to make Minnesota's frontcourt future without Al Jefferson look pretty bright. Another Team USA vet, Love has also displayed an impressive touch from distance, recently icing 43 straight free-throws and tying a franchise mark with 8 consecutive 3's made. His improved scoring, unlikely dominance of the boards, and now unquestioned role in Minny's frountcourt will make him a strong candidate all year.

Michael Beasley -Emerging from his purple haze, Beasley has been re-born in a T-Wolves jersey as a much more potent scorer who plays with more energy on both ends of the floor. His early-season outburst of 25+ games fueled his confidence and earned him the green light as the go-to guy Minnesota thought they'd spend the whole season searching for. While he waits for his defensive attention span and decision-making to catch up with his knack for putting the ball the in the basket, Beasley can operate under the low expectations and long leash of one of the NBA's worst teams, and hopefully not lose his mind again.

Darko Milicic - I mean, the rest of Minnesota's frontcourt's here, why not round out the lineup? Milicic has come out of nowhere this year with several monster offensive performances to complement his league-leading shotblocking. He rebounds with more aggression, is becoming a more confident passer, and scores efficiently when Michael Beasley decides to share the ball. He's still eons away from justifying his immortal draft selection, but after such immense disappointment, its encouraging to see he's finally becoming, well, something.

Russell Westbrook -Team USA stand up! Westbrook has been putting up absolutely gaudy numbers for a Thunder squad that's found itself in an awkward early-season purgatory between last year's 8th seed and this season's immense expectations. While Kevin Durant's been at less than 100%, Westbrook has picked up the slack as a lethal scoring threat, improving his jumper while getting to the hoop against anyone and wetting 90% from the stripe. He's upped his assists, rebounds and steals, while owning the floor in recent overtime Ws at Indiana and New Jersey. Everyone knew Westbrook was good, but if the season ended today he'd likely get more MVP votes than his boy KD.

Dorrell Wright -Wright, foolishly disbanded from the Heat's makeover, landed in Oakland where he found a niche in the Warriors' new slightly-more-defensive scheme with his length and athleticism on the perimeter. Along the way, he proved himself to be a lethal 3-point shooter, which never hurts your stock in Golden State. The result has been increased numbers across the board for Wright, including a double-up in scoring. He may be seeing the floor twice as much, but his game has obviously improved if he could only log 20/game with the shallowest team in the League last year.

Raymond Felton - Mike D'Antoni has significantly augmented the career prospects of yet another point guard. After getting two MVP's for Steve Nash and a guaranteed contract for Chris Duhon, Mike plucked Raymond Felton from the obscurity of the Bobcats and made him a star in the Big Apple. Felton's responded by playmaking at a much more efficient rate and becoming the dangerous scorer that the Bobcats' molasses-paced offense never allowed for, and unlike previous D'Antoni quarterbacks, he's a solid defender, hawking almost 2 balls/game. When the Knicks return to the playoffs in April, they should give him a garnished portion of Eddy Curry's salary.

Tyson Chandler - Everyone and their grandma claimed Chandler had gone the way of forever-linked-classmate Edward Curry after the dud he put up last year. A trade to Dallas and a summer with the best young players in the country did wonders for a re-born Chandler who appears to have gone the way of Hedo Turkoglu circa 2008 instead. Anchoring the best defense the Mavs have ever fielded, he's a feared rebounder and shot-blocker who's proving he can finish without Chris Paul setting him up and earning praise from teammates and media alike for his improved basketball IQ and court awareness.

Jrue Holiday -Surprising nobody, the Sixers are pretty bad this year. A mis-matched bunch of youngsters with very little identity or cohesion are bound for another wayward season. In this instance though, the lack of direction should be blamed on the ship and not the captain, for the guy running the point for the Sixers might be the only thing that's right about them right now. Holiday brings a unique mix of scoring and adept playmaking; he's Lou Williams on ritalin. He plays a controlled game, defends well, and would be getting many more assists on a team that wasn't so shitty on offense. The 76ers have been part of rampant trade talk, in which Holidays has been rumored to be their only untouchable, which can't be very good news for him.

Seriously? Nah, You're Joking...

I know, I couldn't believe it either. Just as one often-mocked draft bust solidified his legacy, another, seemingly bound for eternal damnation, sought to create a new one. The big buzz around the NBA has been punchline/punching bag Darko Milicic showcasing more talent this past week than in seven prior seasons combined. His latest outing of 21/4/2 with 3 blocked shots was preceded by 23/16/5, swatting 6 against the feared Lakers frontcourt (I know you've heard about it 100 times by now, but read that over again a few times, maybe Youtube some Darko Milicic compilations to remind yourself just how bad he is, and really appreciate it).

Seems like Darko - who had previously developed into a respectable rebounder and good shot blocker - has found a way to be something more than a moving screen on offense, being called "unstoppable" by Kevin Durant after a close Thunder victory. After endless awkward trials to adapt Milicic to the NBA game had failed, it seemed he'd never get it together. Two games is relatively little to be excited over, but if Milicic can keep himself anywhere near this lever of production, he might be able to salvage a career that, as recently as last summer, had frustrated him to the point of near-retirement. Not to mention that the same player who began to make Joe Dumars (formerly the smartest man in basketball) look like an idiot, might make David Kahn (a mis-cue on repeat) actually look kind of smart. Funny how shit works out sometimes.

Elsewhere, the Toronto Raptors made the first big splash in the trade market, shipping Jarrett Jack, Tracy Morgan and Joe Dirt to the Hornets for Jarryd Bayless, and some guy named Predrag, who hasn't done anything noteworthy lately, but apparently this guy was fourth in MVP voting a few years ago so he must be okay, right?

In all seriousness, Stojakovic fits the Raptors mold for a ton of reasons:
a) he's white and European
b) he's allegedly a good shooter
c) he can't create his own shot or defend a third-grade child
but most importantly...
d) his contract is worth more than the BP cleanup and expires this year, giving a team with way too much long-term capital to have won two games a lot of flex room.

The Raps are an absolute mess (speaking of the BP disaster...) but at least Brian Colangelo's begun to reason that re-building comes through change and sustainability, not greedily throwing money at your problems like he (...and BP...) did this summer. After burying the Raptors' slowly-fossilizing remains in the bloated contracts of Andrea Bargnani, Jose Calderon, (indirectly, now) Hedo Turkoglu and Amir Johnson, he's finally starting to dig them out of their hole.

See you guys in a few days. Please, for your safety, remember to stay of out Blake Griffin's way.