Tooooonight, coming to you live from a dingy living room in Halifax, Nova Scotia, it's the Halftime Edition of the 2011 Basketball Banter Awards! We've got plenty of trophies to hand out, so let's get into it; grab your popcorn and enjoy the show.The Justin Bieber Award - Lebron James, Miami Heat: Goes to the player who's been everywhere for the past year, and could honestly use some down time.
Ok, so I know he's the most amazing/most celebrated/most hated player in the NBA right now. That's cool. He delivers a lot of horses to the engine that powers the league's media image. That being said, the press's complete marination in the Heat, and specifically Lebron, has been sickening. Lebron's Twitter account is becoming like Facebook's MiniFeed; information that I don't need to know (or give a fuck about) being served to me unavoidably. This is clearly what Lebron wants; he's embracing his role as the villain because he loves the attention. Let's try not to indulge him so much.
Regards to: Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh
The Simmons BeautyRest Award - Jrue Holiday, Philadelphia 76ers: Goes to the player who's having an awesome season and being totally slept on.
Lost in all the crowded MIP talk is Holiday, the second-year point who's showing maturity beyond his years in quarterbacking the Sixers' dysfunctional offense. I brag enough about the benefits of League Pass, but being able to see young emerging players on crappy teams that would never make national TV is among the best. Holiday fits the bill as a creative playmaker who can also fill the basket, as he is often charged with on the offensively-challenged 76ers. His play is unheralded largely because Philly's bordering on Most Irrelevant status; only copping TV time on the wrong end of highlight reels. Only hoop addicts, fantasy buffs and Sixers fans know how nice this guy is, but it shouldn't be long before he forces people to wake up.
Regards to: Wesley Matthews, Al Horford, Arron Afflalo
The Canibus Award - JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavaliers: Goes to the player who was supposed to blow up this year, and instead has failed to make much of himself.
Hickson had it all this year: Loads of opportunity for playing time. A shitty team with absolutely no expectations. The momentum from an absolute romp in the Summer League. A new coach with a fresh attitude and a soft spot for Hickson's upside. So far we haven't heard much. Hickson's been inconsistent, listless and in and out of Lord Byron's doghouse, contributing to the Cavs' meltdown that has (very creepily) mirrored Miami's season almost game for game.
Regards to: Roy Hibbert, 90% of the Detroit Pistons roster, Darren Collison
Hickson had it all this year: Loads of opportunity for playing time. A shitty team with absolutely no expectations. The momentum from an absolute romp in the Summer League. A new coach with a fresh attitude and a soft spot for Hickson's upside. So far we haven't heard much. Hickson's been inconsistent, listless and in and out of Lord Byron's doghouse, contributing to the Cavs' meltdown that has (very creepily) mirrored Miami's season almost game for game.
Regards to: Roy Hibbert, 90% of the Detroit Pistons roster, Darren Collison
The Bobby Boucher Trophy - Blake Griffin, LA Clippers: Goes to the player whose arrival on a new team has had the greatest positive impact.
The way Griffin's taken the NBA by storm this year is most easily likened to a tragic hurricane in terms of the devastation and calamity he's caused for those in his path. The Clippers have managed to sail clear of the storm though, playing their best basketball since the Elton Brand days and now the talk of the league, largely due to Griffin's ridiculous numbers and reckless abuse of opposing baskets. That the Clippers are knocking off good teams is icing on the cake; that the'ye being spoken of in a context other than 'walking joke' is a serious boost that appears to have rejuvenated their entire roster; hell even Baron's playing well now.
Regards to: Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, Tyson Chandler (...and yes, I'm intentionally snubbing Lebron)
(Side note: Blake Griffin has also won the Shawn Kemp Memorial Award for the most exciting/demoralizing dunker, which in completely unrelated news, is being temporarily retired while under review to be re-named "The Blake Griffin Award")
The Tim Donaghy Award - OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies: Goes to the player whose gambling has caused serious issues for himself/his team/the NBA.
Quite the season OJ's having. Already mired in a shooting slump that cost him his starting job, Mayo lost a dime-five to Tony Allen on a redeye card game, couldn't take the loss like a man, and started chirping him. Allen retaliated by whupping Mayo's ass (which became a nationally-blown-up scrum; a rare blemish in an otherwise-quiet season for a violence-enamored league) and punking even more of his minutes; leaving Mayo the latest poster child for superstar irresponsibility, and with his head resting on the trading block.
Regards to nobody; this one's all you man.
The Flavor Flav Award - Darko Milicic, Minnesota Timberwolves: Goes to the player who made a strong comeback from obscurity/adversity to gain relevance again.
To say that Darko's NBA career was going poorly would be like calling Corner Gas uneventful; a polite way of describing a far more profane and morbid reality. He had the misfortune of being born in such a year that his development as an NBA prospect would align perfectly with the "Dirk Factor", which bloated the draft stock of countless European centers over the past decade. This led to his erroneously high selection, and prompt burial on the bench of a deep title contender, under the tutelage of a coach who never much cared for young prospects. This planted firm seeds of frustration in Milicic; seeds that poisoned his career as he bounced from team to team, collecting bench splinters and struggling to fit in; never given room to blossom. His confidence was whittled away until last summer, when he seemed bent on retirement, and the only man stupid enough to give Darko $20 million willingly forked it over...Then a funny thing happened; he actually started playing well enough to take the whole league by notice: Now a legit starting center who's among the league leaders in swats and actually commands attention on offense. It's a long way from reversing his simply awful luck, but given how deep he'd buried himself, any signs of life from Darko should feel redeeming.
The way Griffin's taken the NBA by storm this year is most easily likened to a tragic hurricane in terms of the devastation and calamity he's caused for those in his path. The Clippers have managed to sail clear of the storm though, playing their best basketball since the Elton Brand days and now the talk of the league, largely due to Griffin's ridiculous numbers and reckless abuse of opposing baskets. That the Clippers are knocking off good teams is icing on the cake; that the'ye being spoken of in a context other than 'walking joke' is a serious boost that appears to have rejuvenated their entire roster; hell even Baron's playing well now.
Regards to: Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, Tyson Chandler (...and yes, I'm intentionally snubbing Lebron)
(Side note: Blake Griffin has also won the Shawn Kemp Memorial Award for the most exciting/demoralizing dunker, which in completely unrelated news, is being temporarily retired while under review to be re-named "The Blake Griffin Award")
The Tim Donaghy Award - OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies: Goes to the player whose gambling has caused serious issues for himself/his team/the NBA.
Quite the season OJ's having. Already mired in a shooting slump that cost him his starting job, Mayo lost a dime-five to Tony Allen on a redeye card game, couldn't take the loss like a man, and started chirping him. Allen retaliated by whupping Mayo's ass (which became a nationally-blown-up scrum; a rare blemish in an otherwise-quiet season for a violence-enamored league) and punking even more of his minutes; leaving Mayo the latest poster child for superstar irresponsibility, and with his head resting on the trading block.
Regards to nobody; this one's all you man.
The Flavor Flav Award - Darko Milicic, Minnesota Timberwolves: Goes to the player who made a strong comeback from obscurity/adversity to gain relevance again.
To say that Darko's NBA career was going poorly would be like calling Corner Gas uneventful; a polite way of describing a far more profane and morbid reality. He had the misfortune of being born in such a year that his development as an NBA prospect would align perfectly with the "Dirk Factor", which bloated the draft stock of countless European centers over the past decade. This led to his erroneously high selection, and prompt burial on the bench of a deep title contender, under the tutelage of a coach who never much cared for young prospects. This planted firm seeds of frustration in Milicic; seeds that poisoned his career as he bounced from team to team, collecting bench splinters and struggling to fit in; never given room to blossom. His confidence was whittled away until last summer, when he seemed bent on retirement, and the only man stupid enough to give Darko $20 million willingly forked it over...Then a funny thing happened; he actually started playing well enough to take the whole league by notice: Now a legit starting center who's among the league leaders in swats and actually commands attention on offense. It's a long way from reversing his simply awful luck, but given how deep he'd buried himself, any signs of life from Darko should feel redeeming.
Regards to: Gilbert Arenas, Andrew Bogut, and a special D-League shout-out to Antoine Walker
Dunk of the Half - Blake Griffin on Danilo Gallinari
Blake had a very loud coming out party against the Knicks back in November. He dropped 44, including a vicious array of highlight slams, most maliciously targeting Galinari, who found himself hopelessly lost on Griffin Island as he tried to stop a one-man fast break. He just as quickly found himself spun off of by a much larger man in a fit of graceful agility that instantly morphed into destructive power in the form of an ego-shattering tomahawk...Right on poor Gallo's head...And thanks to the glory of the internet, he (nor any of us) will ever forget.
Regards to: JR Smith on Gary Neal, James Harden on JJ Hickson, Blake Griffin on basically anybody
Blake had a very loud coming out party against the Knicks back in November. He dropped 44, including a vicious array of highlight slams, most maliciously targeting Galinari, who found himself hopelessly lost on Griffin Island as he tried to stop a one-man fast break. He just as quickly found himself spun off of by a much larger man in a fit of graceful agility that instantly morphed into destructive power in the form of an ego-shattering tomahawk...Right on poor Gallo's head...And thanks to the glory of the internet, he (nor any of us) will ever forget.
Regards to: JR Smith on Gary Neal, James Harden on JJ Hickson, Blake Griffin on basically anybody
Ham of the Half - Ron Artest, LA Lakers; Goes to the player who, through continued on and off-court incompetence, has insulted any/all expectations.
When the Lakers signed Ron Artest before last season, the impression was that he would fill Trevor Ariza's shoes as a defensive-minded swingman who could hit jumpers and exist within the triangle. While he managed to survive the first season well enough to help LA to a title, winning it is apparently the worst thing ever to happen to him. After auctioning off what should've been his most prized possession (regardless of his philanthropic motivations, the whole thing seemed like a publicity stunt), Artest has been mired in a haze of passive defense and bricked jumpers, appearing to be more aptly pissing off Kobe Bryant than anything else. A lot of reality checking needs to be done in Lakerland, starting with its usual suspect.
Regards to: Baron Davis (1 week won't save you), Samuel Dalembert, Evan Turner
The A-Team Award - Boston Celtics; Given to the team who, at this point, looks like the best in the NBA.
This was tough. Really fuckin' tough. Not only because I still somewhat despise the Celtics for indirectly destroying my favorite player as I knew him, or 'cause the Spurs have been very, very good; the best record in the NBA in its tougher conference. This was tough because nobody really looks like a favorite; Dallas lost Butler for good and looks lost without Dirk, LA's got a serious championship hangover, Miami's still got lots to prove and Orlando's still waiting on the jury. But looking at what Boston's done with what they've had, it's tough not to fear them. They've enjoyed their usual hot start, but it's been maintained longer through a (somewhat) tougher conference, nasty early schedule, and a barrage of injuries. Jermaine O'Neal's played like 5 minutes all year. Shaq's been hobbled. Garnett and Rondo have each missed 2 weeks, and Kendrick Perkins is still on the horizon. They still have the best record in the East. Make no mistake; this will be the hungriest team in the NBA come playoffs, and at full strength (which, if you're a skeptic, looks just as shaky for every contender out West) the way everyone else is playing, they might be its best. They have the size, experience and depth to match just about anybody, their defensive intensity is unreal and their cohesiveness is unmatched...and Rasheed's coming back? Good luck.
Regards to: San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat (post-Cleveland), Dallas Mavericks (w/Dirk)
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