Banter's 2016 All-Stars

All-Star voting. Don't get me started.

Whatever, too late. The whole process is backwards; starting with the fan voting. It's a popularity contest, which at the same time is used as a highly-touted yardstick when measuring a player's legacy and/or Hall-of-Fame credentials. The sometimes-quizzical coaches do a by-and-large better job of putting the right guys on the bench, but even they are subject to bias and error.

The NBA made a nice adjustment a few years back, eliminating the forced "Center" position to reflect the increasingly perimeter-oriented nature of the game. But even that measure has left out many deserving players, with more All-Star caliber guards than the NBA has ever seen.

Put simply, there's fewer All-Star spots available to the positions with the most talent. A "Perimeter"/"Frontcourt" designation with more spots allocated to the former would make a logical next step for wing players- we live in a world where Kobe Bryant was somehow just voted in as a Forward.

While the coaches did a mostly solid job of mopping up the mess left by the starters' voting, let's wipe the slate clean and travel to an alternate universe where I decide the All-Stars because I'm clearly smarter than every NBA coach, and the millions of fans who cast votes.

Using an abstractly weighted assessment of the player's overall season (Personal Performance x Team Success), I've come up with the 24 guys who truly deserve to be repping the title "All-Star" this season; the guys who have defined the season with outstanding play. Here are Banter's 2016 All-Star picks:

EAST STARTERS

G - Kyle Lowry

Lowry was already an elite two-way PG, but over the summer he lost a visible amount of weight and has thus attacked this season with the voracity of his former self at In-N-Out. Still an aggressive bull on both ends, Lowry's now a step quicker, and possesses greater bounce. It's translated to him averaging career-highs in (points+assists), rebounds, and steals - the latter of which he sits 2nd in the league.

Meanwhile the Raptors have somewhat-surprisingly been perhaps the East's steadiest team this year, and the only ones really threatening Cleveland's #1 seed. Canadian fans pulled a last-ditch rally to bump Lowry into the starting lineup for the 2nd straight year, and there's no question this time it was deserved.

G - Jimmy Butler
Much like Lowry, Butler's a menace on both ends of the court for one of the conference's best teams. While the Bulls have had some periods of adjustment through a new coach and their usual boatload of injuries, Jimmy's been a monstrous presence, carrying Chicago offensively for stretches and willing them to wins by himself on several occasions.

Unfortunately it's doesn't look like the Windy City has enough huff & puff to challenge Cleveland in the East this year, but even with John Wall's recent rampage of box score destruction, Butler's been the better season-long player for a top-3 team, making this spot his.

F- LeBron James
25/7/6, with a combined 2 steals/blocks per game would be a banner year for 99.9% of the NBA. For LeBron, it's become routine, beyond the point of being taken for granted. The Cavs have coasted to the #1 spot, even through chemistry issues, injuries and unforeseen coach-firings, and LeBron's pretty much been LeBron; as automatic an All-Star starter as has existed in the NBA.

F- Paul George
Both the Pacers and George have cooled off slightly after completely scintillating starts to the season, but in a conference somewhat light on compelling cases for starters, PG is a total no-brainer. He's rebounded from his injury-porn broken leg to have his best year statistically so far.

Moreover the Pacers have been pleasantly competitive over a first half marred by injuries and large doses of unfamiliarity on a mostly-flipped roster. Even if they'd slid outside the playoff bracket, George would still be a must-start.

F - Paul Millsap
Lost in the usual rhetoric about the Hawks' team play and their slight stumble in the East standings is that Millsap is having an absolute monster of a season. Already one of the NBA's most versatile players, he's currently averaging career highs in all five of the major statistical categories. He sits top-10 in steals, top-20 and blocks and rebounds, and top-30 in scoring. Millsap's brilliance has been subtle (aside from this vicious assault on John Henson) and unheralded, but he rounds out a fairly obvious East frontcourt. #SmallBall.

EAST BENCH

G - John Wall
Has been playing the best ball of his career over the past six weeks. Even with the Wizards decimated by injury and performing well below par, he needs to be here.

G - Demar DeRozan
DeRozan's smoothly transitioned from a mid-range gunner to a relentless attacker who shoots the third-most free throws in the NBA. He's top-ten scorer on a top-two team, making it very hard not to give the host Raptors a 2nd All-Star.

F - Carmelo Anthony
Melo has been getting jerked off a lot lately for trusting his teammates, trying on defense, and more or less playing the way everyone's been wishing he would for a decade now. Regardless, the Knicks are far less of a laughing stock, so Anthony's All-Star stock has risen as well.

F - Chris Bosh
Not that the Heat "need" an All-Star by any logical stretch, but both Bosh and Dwyane Wade (who's been remarkably durable this year) carry decent cases for bench spots. In the end, the Boshtrich gets the nod, largely due to having more potential roster spots and less competition.

F - Andre Drummond
If you can stomach the absolutely abhorrent free-throw shooting, Drummond's a destructive force that's cleared a path for Detroit's seemingly likely return to the playoffs. Hasn't dropped as many 20/20s lately, but still has left a large crater in this season.

WC - Isaiah Thomas
The first Wild Card spot goes to Thomas, who's having a borderline-dominant offensive season as the heartbeat of the wily, cagey Celtics, who thanks to the new division champs rules, are a game back of homecourt in the East.

WC - Pau Gasol
This spot comes down to a bunch of guys with somewhat-compelling cases. I changed my mind 2 or 3 times and went with Pau, still putting gaudy numbers on the board for a top-3 team, which none of the guys below can really front on.

REGARDS TO: Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Reggie Jackson, Dwyane Wade, Nicolas Batum, Kevin Love

WEST STARTERS

G - Stephen Curry
Duh.

G - Russell Westbrook
Westbrook's been a supremely destructive force on box scores and defenders alike, offset only slightly by Kevin Durant's return to health. Russ sits 7th in scoring and 2nd in assists, accounting for more raw offensive output than anyone but Chef Curry. For good measure, he also leads all guards in rebounding, and the entire league in steals.

Westbrook's relentlessly undying energy is a perpetual force of nature on the basketball court. You can expect the reigning All-Star MVP to put up a solid title defense, simply because he doesn't understand the meaning of "not trying".

F - Kevin Durant
It hasn't taken long for the Slim Reaper to slay all that preseason fretting about his foot and the total hatchet job OKC's medical staff pulled on it last year. Playing slightly fewer minutes than seasons past, his output is par for the Durant course, among the league's scoring leaders, shooting dangerously close to 50/40/90. Welcome back KD.

F - Kawhi Leonard

That season we were all waiting for, when Timmy, Tony and Manu finally turned the reigns over and Kawhi Leonard was fully unleashed, is happening. Not only is he continuing to wreak utter havoc on the defensive end, he's dropping a career-high 20/game on arguably the most efficient-shooting season in NBA history. Not even LaMarcus Aldridge's arrival has been enough to offset the assertion that it's Leonard Time.

F- Draymond Green
You have to love Draymond Green. He backs up every single brash and/or boisterous statement he makes with a pure embodiment of (sorry, Grizzlies) Grit and Grind. This guy isn't a transcendent athlete, he wasn't blessed with any otherwordly talents (like, say one of his teammates). He's just a very smart basketball player who hustles on every play and has busted his ass over the past 18 months to expand his game.

As a result, you'd be very hard-pressed to name a more versatile player in the league, such that he's averaging numbers nobody has since Grant Hill 19 years ago. To boot, Dr. Dray kicks in almost 3 steals/blocks per game, while capably guarding as wide a range of opponents as anyone. Curry may be the Warriors' best player, but Green is their heart, hustle, and a borderline MVP candidate himself.


WEST BENCH

G - Chris Paul
The Clippers were a sinking ship in November, but Paul's return to full health has sparked a dramatic resurgence in Blake Griffin's absence. They're back in the top-4, largely due to CP3's dominance on both ends.

(side note: I single out "CP3" as one of two examples of those dumb, once-trendy initial-to-number nicknames that should be used. The monosyllabic rhyme-rattle just works too well. The other is CB4, which is probably the coolest thing Chris Bosh has ever initiated, even if unwittingly.

G - James Harden
Houston's been a pretty big disappointment this year, but Harden's been a beast. You can only penalize a guy so much for his team, and there's no denying The Beard belongs. He's still putting up LeBron-esque numbers, so book his ticket.

F - Dirk Nowitzki
The Mavs aren't quite a team that demands an All-Star, but their unexpected status as mortal locks for the West playoffs is noteworthy, as is Dirk's refusal to quit leading a competitive team. This isn't a "Legacy Nod" like the fans gave Kobe, this is a "Still Got It" nod.

F - Anthony Davis
The Pels have been bit by the injury bug, the inconsistency bug, and the "All our Centers Suck" bug, but Davis is doing what he can. He hasn't yet displayed the growth many had hoped for this year, but the player he already was is really fucking good.

F- DeMarcus Cousins
Another West star who started the season in an injury-mired funk, Cousins has been Godzilla on the block this month, averaging an absurd 34 & 14 on 61% True Shooting. The Kings are also fighting for a suddenly-available playoff spot, making the All-Star game an official Boogie Nights production.

WC - Klay Thompson
The competition for the final two spots here was a lot fiercer than in the East, but Klay seems like a relatively easy pick. His numbers have dipped ever-so-slightly with Curry in GodMode, but Golden State might be the best team in history, so, you know...

WC - Damian Lillard
Finally there's the often slept-on Damian Lillard, who's been putting up outrageous numbers for a Portland team that maybe five people on Earth thought would fight for the playoffs this year. Even if he's a crappy defender, he's a destructive offensive player whose team's highly-unlikely 'success' propels his case.

Regards To: Marc Gasol, LaMarcus Aldridge, DeAndre Jordan Gordon Hayward, Rajon Rondo

Banter's 2015 NBA All-Stars

Basketball Banter has returned after a(nother) prolonged absence, to break down the All-Star ballot and figure out who should really be playing under the Garden's bright lights next month.

Normally I'd also be handing out some midseason awards this time of year, but I just finished those up for BallOverAll this weekend as most teams crossed the 40-game threshold. I figured re-typing the whole thing would be a pretty futile exercise, so you can check out the picks here.

Now onto the All-Stars, for whom fan voting officially ended yesterday. While the 'fans' have generally gotten better at actually paying attention to the league and not just voting for the most recognizable names, their collective appraisal of a few players (#Kobe) still leaves a lot to be desired. As such we're likely to see a few deserving players get the dreaded snub, but that's something to bitch about later. For now all that can be done is to hope to coaches get it right when casting their ballots for reserves - a process that is usually a challenge in itself.

My logic in voting is based on a somewhat-abstract weight of individual performance, and team relevance so far this season. Obviously there's a certain floor for teams standards; someone on, oh...I dunno, let's just say...the Knicks, can't even be brought up. But barring a complete Hindenburg of a season by a given player's team, they'll be considered. This is the All-Star Game after all, the best teams will get their due in the Playoffs.

Further, I take into account the player' entire body of work - including the 'popcorn stats' (pts/rebs/asts, etc), efficiency indicators, importance of their contributions to the team's success, and any other intangibles (like Damian Lillard's pathological cold-bloodedness in the waning minutes of close games).

What follows is a breakdown of each conference: The Starters (two guards, three frontcourt), The Bench (two guards, three frontcourt, and two "wild card" players of any position), as well as the "Regards To" (your basic snubs, the guys who I actually considered at some point), and "Milk Carton" (perennial All-Stars who, for a variety of reasons, just weren't in the conversation).

Let's get into it:

EAST ALL-STARS
STARTERS:

Kyle Lowry, Toronto Raptors
Lowry easily could've been Toronto's All-Star last year in Demar DeRozan's stead. But this season he's channeled yet another level, becoming an elite point guard in an era where the position's just completely, utterly stacked. He's been the pace-setter for the best NBA team Canada's ever put forth, looking svelte, and playing with a gritty tenacity that belies his new fat contract (among by buddies he's affectionately known as "Pudge Lowry", a nickname we might have to retire). One of the very best guards on both sides of the ball this year, Lowry's not only a no-brainer All-Star, but a fringe MVP candidate.

Jimmy Butler, Chicago Bulls
Somewhere between sorta and completely out of nowhere, Butler evolved into one of the NBA's most effective two-way players. This past summer, he summoned a quasi-deadly off-the-bounce game from scratch, and improved his shaky jumper, becoming a welcome offensive presence for the Bulls. He still plays suffocating defense, only with the added cachet of being the go-to perimeter option that Derrick Rose hasn't consistently provided. Like Lowry, he's been a monster on both sides of the ball, and his inclusion here - despite a strong showing from John Wall - is a must.

LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
So let's face facts: The Cavs have been depressingly underwhelming over the first half of this year, and the Default MVP is having a blatantly pedestrian season by his standards. But this is LeBron we're talking about here, the Best In The Game, the guy who was relevant, pompous, good enough to have brought the NBA to a standstill and caused pop-culture cataclysm with his last two free agencies. The only thing keeping him from being a starter in this Eastern Conference is a JR Smith-related suspension.

Paul Millsap, Atlanta Hawks

The Hawks are absolutely crushing right now - winners of 13 straight, comfortably atop the East, and playing a selfless, balanced game that reflects Mike Budenholzer's 17-year tenure as an assistant on the Spurs bench. They could field (in some people's opinion) as many as four contenders for spots on this team. Despite a recent a surge from Al Horford, Millsap has been their best big man, comfortable shooting form distance or in the post, and leading all PF/Cs in steals. He's also pulling down over a rebound more than Horford each game, and looking like a great alternative to the guy he replaced in ATL.

Pau Gasol, Chicago Bulls
He's still got it. Buried on some gawdawful Lakers teams for a few injury-nagged seasons, the O.G. (Original Gasol) is back, as nasty as he ever was. Pau's giving Chicago 19/game with career-bests in rebounds and blocks, as one of the rare uninjured Bulls this season. His recent 46/18 pulverization of Milwaukee was one of the season's standout performances thus far, and his play is one of the main reasons nobody's counting Chicago out in the East.

BENCH:

Jeff Teague, Atlanta Hawks
Teague's been monstrous for the Hawks, and is even getting some distant MVP burn. He plays with deadly quickness, but precise control, and is piloting the NBA's hottest team right now.

John Wall, Washington Wizards
Speaking of deadly quickness, Wall's playing extremely well and buoying the East's Dark Horse through early injuries. A near-starter.

Chris Bosh, Miami Heat
While the Heat have been pretty suspect this year, Bosh is doing what he can; rediscovering his identity as a go-to option. An easy selection in a weak conference.

Nikola Vucevic, Orlando Magic
It's hard to penalize Voose for playing on a crappy team, not in the East where most of the teams are pretty crappy, and he's basically doing 20/11 for a squad that's only four games back of 8th in the East, despite being fourteen games under .500.

Andre Drummond, Detroit Pistons

Since exorcising Josh Smith from their roster, the Pistons are on a serious Playoff push, and Drummond has gone full Hulk Smash after a very shaky start to this year.

Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
I honestly thought Wade was going to start coming apart at the seams this year - so much for that. He's been impressive when suiting up and - despite recent shooting woes - appears to have something left in the tank.

Brandon Knight, Milwaukee Bucks
The last wild-card spot came down to a deathmatch between a bunch of guys who really didn't scream "All Star!". Knight takes the last East jersey with his strong, efficient line for (Hawks aside) the East's surprise team.

Regards to: Al Horford, Joakim Noah, Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love, Marcin Gortat, Kyle Korver, Kemba Walker

Milk Carton: Al Jefferson, Derrick Rose, Carmelo Anthony

...And now to head out West, where we find perhaps the most confusing, abstract clusterfuck of potential title contenders in NBA history. A lot of very talented players make up those teams, and plenty of deserving candidates won't be getting the All-Star spot they'd surely earn in the East. Life's unfair sometimes I guess.

WEST ALL-STARS
STARTERS:

Stephen Curry, Golden State Warriors

Let me first start this off by pointing out how ludicrously unfair it is to have to pick two starters from a flock of West guards that's playing in the ether right now. A theoretical MVP Top-10 right now could plausibly be half-filled with players eligible for these spots; cutting so many to the bench seemed insulting.

With that said, Steph Curry might be the MVP at this point. So he's here. Curry's just been nothing short of lethal for the NBA's surprise best team. His gaudy numbers have slid inches with Klay Thompson and Draymond Green becoming more diverse and integral offensive cogs, but the Warriors' dominance this year makes Curry's lines all the more impressive.

James Harden, Houston Rockets
Neck-and-neck with Curry for MVP, and perhaps slightly ahead by most definitions, Harden's been a nuclear force on offense (and noticeably improved defender), carrying the Rockets to one of the West's best records through a slew of first-half injuries.

Anthony Davis, New Orleans Pelicans
Just when every prototype of a future power forward was supposedly a floor-spacing perimeter gunner, along came the Brow and reminded us that there will always be a place for omni-talented freak athletes with massive wingspans who bounce off the hardcourt like a trampoline. Such has been Davis' year, putting up eye-popping stat lines off of minimal touches (his usage rate is fucking 36th in the NBA. Actually.), producing one of the most all-around efficient seasons in NBA history.

Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies
He's been argued as the NBA's best all-around big man for a couple seasons now, but this year Gasol's come out and just ended the debate with a well-rounded romp that's put him in the center (accidental pun) of the MVP discussion. He does everything short of filling the Gatorade coolers for Memphis, who have solidified themselves in the upper tier of West contenders.

DeMarcus Cousins, Sacramento Kings
The NBA (properly) developed the "Frontcourt" designation for All-Star voting a few seasons back, to recognize the more abstract and perimeter-oriented nature of positions in today's game (and spare us from the token mediocre, clearly-not-an-"All Star" center getting an ascribed nod). Well, with freedom comes excess, and I'm using it to start two centers, along with a guy who could be one in most systems. Screw it - needs to be done.

Boogie's been Godzilla on the block this year, demoralizing teams from the low-post while becoming one of the NBA's best-passing centers, and actually trying on defense. The Kings' performance during his bout with viral meningitis was a night-and-day difference, as this former-headcase of a behemoth is finally "getting it".

BENCH:

Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers
The Clips have been inconsistent through stretches this year, but it's hard to blame CP3, who's putting in a monstrous year in terms of point guard efficiency.

Damian Lillard, Portland Trailblazers
Illard, Killard, Thrillard; whatever you want to call him, he's become the most feared late-game gunner in the NBA (with good reason), and has taken his defense to new heights, propelling the Blazers to a higher level.


Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers
Griffin's fallen in love with his jumper a bit too much at times, which has seen his shooting dip below 50%. but he's still one of the game's better all-around bigs and can't be excluded from the bench.

Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Father Time once came knocking for Tim Duncan, and got a bank shot nailed from the high post over his outstretched arm. This season's been a vintage Timmy performance, still so smooth after all these years.

LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trailblazers
Lillard's been Portland's most high-profile monster this year, but Aldridge has been no slouch himself, defying the stigma of the mid-range jumper as the NBA's best PF with two eyebrows.

Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder
He may have been injured for the season's first month, but Westbrook has just been devastating since returning, putting up MVP numbers and loudly demanding a spot, regardless of time missed.

Klay Thompson, Golden State Warriors
The other Splash Brother's broken through to bonafide All-Star status, with his more diverse offensive arsenal playing a key role in the Warriors' dominance this year.

Regards to: (clears throat) Mike Conley, Monta Ellis, Dirk Nowitzki, Dwight Howard, Serge Ibaka, DeAndre Jordan, Tyson Chandler, Zach Randolph, Eric Bledsoe, Rudy Gay, Ty Lawson, Jrue Holiday & Draymond Green

Milk Carton: Kevin Durant, Kobe Bryant, Tony Parker, Rajon Rondo, Goran Dragic, David Lee

And that's the truth. Let's hope the real rosters look something like this next month in the Big Apple.