Watch out for Thorns: Back at the Rose Garden

I kicked off my last post with a bit about how shitty my timing was, and how excited I was to finally get to enjoy every second of playoff basketball, now that it's finally back. Well the Gods are either mocking me, or my karmatic vibes are coming back around for all the merciless Dirk hating I've done. Sure enough, my cable company's inept accounting department has cut my service for an allegedly "overdue" bill that was paid four months ago, leaving me in a nomadic trek between my parents' place and nearby bars, watching when I can, not enjoying things like I should be. I feel like Drew Gooden.

Today, I've decided to kick back at the parents' pad for Game 4 of the Mavs/Blazers opening rounder, a great matchup, turned Brandon Roy soap opera (more on that in a second), and my only upset pick in the first round. Despite their 2-1 lead, the Mavs haven't looked to be decisively in control of this series, and still look vulnerable. I wouldn't be surprised if this went back to Dallas knotted up, but this is also coming from the guy who thought the Knicks might stand their ground at MSG last night; hopefully the Blazers can make me look slightly less stupid.

Before we get into the thick of things, much has been made of Brandon Roy's tearful outburst over a lack of playing time, with many stances being taken on his comments. It's a difficult and delicate situation, and Roy has been through hell trying to get back on the court. But the sad reality is that this team made the playoffs without him, centered around LaMarcus Aldridge, and developing roles for other players. For Roy to return and expect to attempt to re-gain a rhythm, against a superior team in a playoff series, taking minutes from the guys who got them there, on two paper mache knees, if his coach doesn't feel comfortable with it, is unreasonable. Roy's an incredible player if he's healthy, and showed flashes of it in Game 3, but regardless of his former status, and heroic return, his minutes can't be pre-ordained right now.

Anyways, with that out of the way, on with the show...

- Catching the end of this Pacers meltdown is the most hilarious bonus coverage ever. Up 15 with 2:15 left. Up 1 with 15 left. With your season on the line. Joakim Noah just got left open enough for him to break an inbound play and drive for an and-one from 18 feet. Just unreal.

- They finally wake up, defending like madmen on the final Bulls possession and forcing a Carlos Boozer 3 (career 1-9) for the tie. Now, instead of pondering whether this was a good shot, let us wonder why one of the best offensive rebounders in the NBA was straddling the 3 point line, when a quick put-back would've been crucial. Such a shitty way for an awesome comeback to end.

- We've entered The Garden. Ya, after the dud the Knicks threw down last night, Portland's stolen "The Garden" from them, meltdown pending.

- Toss-Up: Wesley Matthews dropping 22 in the first half again, or Jason Kidd dunking on Marcus Camby?

- Deshawn Stevenson's carrying the offensive load early with two treys; 8-4 Mavs at 6:30

- Wesley Matthews promptly shuts me up with an icy three-ball.

- Matthews again, walking right through 4 Mavs in transition. Maybe Kidd's been on Air Alert?...And put on a couple inches?...And owns a time machine?

- Tyson Chandler was possibly the most under-rated player in the NBA this season. For all the (deserved) hype Dwight got about his defense, Chandler was the backbone of an equally atrocious group of perimeter defenders, disrupting penetration and waxing glass all year. He's been huge early.

- A perfect storm of passive offense and solid D, with a touch of sloppy play, has produced a painful first quarter; 16-11 Mavs after 1. 12 combined turnovers. Barea and Matthews have the only field goals in the paint. Good times.

- Barea knows no fear! Really though, his aggression against Portland's bigs is impressive, especially for a guy who makes Eric Murphy look like Arvydas Sabonis.

- Brandon Roy watch: 0-5 early, all jumpers. If this were the regular season I'd have no problem, but this just isn't the time to try and shoot yourself into a rhythm.

- More jumpers for Portland: 5-21 early, they trail 22-13 at 9:05

- Barea keep getting to the hole but the Blazers body up; first a Roy charge, then a Camby swat

- Hard Stojakovic foul on Roy going to the hoop. He seems shaken up, but I have little faith that Peja can hit this guy hard enough to take him out

- Dirk Diggler with a fading, off-balance jumper over two defenders, off a spin into the lane. I wish I could find Nowitzki (for some reason) climbing out of a zoo bearpit, so I could re-enact Wes Mantooth's "I HATE YOU!...But dammit, I respect you" speech. And then push him back in.

- Ason Kidd's putting in a decent campaign to have the "J" returned to his name. Take Wilt's 100, Oscar's season-long triple-double, and shove them; the most incredible stat is Kidd being 3rd in career 3's. I find that completely incomprehensible, somebody with connections is lying.

- Tyson Chandler: perhaps not the guy you want to run your offense through. Though, the way Portland's looked so far, he'd make a great PG for them. 35-27 Mavs at 3:30

- Aldridge turns upcourt, runs straight into Chandler's elbow and gets up in his grill. Chandler raises his arms and walks away. So Aldridge shoves him. Well, that was perfectly reasonable. 'Couple technicals.

- The scrappy play continues as Dirk and Miller fall to the hardwood fighting over a loose ball. Dirk: "So THIS is what playoff basketball's like..."

- Great team play from Portland: Aldridge deflects a pass, saves it to Matthews, who hits Wallace for a nice oop in transition....Matthews again! Suddenly the Blazers are alive and within 4.

- With Dallas' offense on life support, Portland closes the quarter on a 10-2 run. They trail 37-35, and their best player's been a complete non-factor so far; this is very winnable.

- Chuck on Carlos Boozer: "The key to life is knowing your limitations". How many times have those words found their way out of his mouth at the Palms?

- Dallas has 2 points off 8 turnovers and hasn't been to the line as the third quarter begins. Yikes. This game's been a struggle offensively.

- Both teams come out with more jumpers; watching Gerald Wallace settle for a pull-up is like seeing a girl with an amazing butt in really loose sweatpants.

- ..."the other balls" aren't the only ones you kill. Every time you're on TV, we all die a little inside.

- "J"ason Kidd wets another three, the kind that hurts your ears from the mesh twanging so close to the mic.

- The Blazers are 0-7 from the field this quarter and trail by 9, but Chandler just picked up #4 at 7:20

- More J's for the Blazers. (haha, seems about right) Now 0-9, down by 15. At least they're in bonus now so they might be able to get something going at the stripe.

- Dirk bangs a 2nd chance 3; Portland needs to wake the f*** up.

- Portland, again, gets no penetration and settles for a 3 from a streaky shooter (Nicolas Batum) who's hit nothing all day. Somebody, please slap these guys.

- Portland then has Aldridge BACKING DOWN JASON KIDD on the block, who against no double, kicks it out for another missed 3. 0-12.

- Ok, we're down to under 3 minutes. Portland has yet to hit a field goal in this quarter, in 14 futile attempts (now 24% for the game). As much as I wanna see Dallas lose, that seems highly unlikely now, and seeing them go a whole quarter would be really funny.

- Conversely, Peja bangs another 3, the Mavs are 8-14 from deep

- Finally Aldridge catches the ball deep and nets the field goal Portland needed 10 minutes ago, off the look they should've been exploiting the second Chandler hit the bench. Instead, they listlessly drifted the quarter and Trail by 18 heading into the fourth. I'm going to grab some beers.

Recognize: The All-Decade Team

So the first decade of this new millennium's almost in the books. In a couple weeks we'll be ringing in not only a new year but a new era of sorts; history tends to divide decades; identifying each by the trends that defined them. The 2000's were plagued by constraint and censorship as the NBA weathered a pair of economic meltdowns, a referee gambling debacle, and increasing tension with the Players' Union. Ten years ago we would've laughed at the notion of a league-wide dress code, welcomed a brave high-schooler into the League and assumed the Malice at the Palace had something to do with Bill Laimbeer. But there was plenty more we didn't know. We had no idea who Lebron James was, that MJ had a third run in him, or the critical importance Eagle, Colorado would come to play in Kobe's Bryant's life. We hadn't seen the Lakers' heroics, the Spurs' monotony or most of Vince Carter's Greatest Hits. Yao Ming was an indie flick at some foreign film festival, the proper spelling was DwaYne, and 'Impossible is Nothing' was a cynical thought buried deep in Kevin Garnett's subconscious. Yup, the NBA's a different place; we've seen the game go global and its players are showcasing their awesome talent on an ever-expanding audience. Which is the one of the few things that's remained about the League, and always will: the sheer brilliance of basketball's elite. So before we jump into a new decade and the change it'll bring, here's a toast to the guys who really did it proper over the past ten years; the All-Decade Team.

STARTERS
Point Guard - Steve Nash, Dallas Mavericks/Phoenix Suns
Among the many other things we didn't see coming back in 2000 was a skinny, 6-foot, soccer playing white guy from Canada winning two MVPs. Nash was the medium through which Mike D'Antoni ushered in his 7 Seconds or Less brand of entertaining basketball, and he revolutionized the one spot. His unique passing ability and lethal shooting were ideal for an offense that thrived on fast-breaking, pick and rolls and habitually itchy trigger fingers. While his defense was never World-class (or even NBA-class in some minds), his impact on the high-octane Dallas and Phoenix squads he manned this decade was undeniable, and gives him the starting nod by a hair over Jason Kidd.

Shooting Guard - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Arguably the most impressive individual in the League over the past ten years, we watched Bryant struggle with superstardom the most, but also win regular season and Finals MVP awards, annual All-Star, All-Defense and All-NBA recognition, not to mention four rings. Along the way, he re-wrote scoring records, truly meriting those inevitable and inescapable Jordan comparisons he faced for years. The 45+ streak. The 81. The countless hearts he shattered at the buzzer against all odds, over and over. Much tumult bruised his early career, but Bryant's finally found what he was looking for; he's the man on the best team in the League, and that he's ever played on. Believe his legacy won't end with this decade.

Small Forward - Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Even before he arrived on the scene, James was the man. The hype surrounding this kid was unfathomable, but despite Rider-high expectations, he managed to exceed them time after time. At a point where most high-school draftees are still gathering dust on benches, Bron was dragging Tayshaun-thin Cavs squads to deep playoff runs and making 28/7/7 seem mundane. The sad reality is that there's little he'll be able to impress us in the regular season at this point; once his playoff heroics are aptly complemented by the guys around him, he'll take his place among the game's All-Time greats. While we're just Witnessing the cusp of his greatness, what he's accomplished so far makes him a no-brainer for this spot.

Power Forward - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Timmy D's always walked softly -never the loudest or flashiest guy around- but carries a rather large proverbial stick; over the past ten years he's established himself as the greatest power forward in the game's history. His methodical dominance was a walking embodiment of James Naismith's vision; a game so textbook, so flawless, that age, injury and countless lineup changes haven't phased his brilliance. Three of four titles, two MVPs, All-Everything All-Day. Even if he bored us all through the 2000's, he's in a class by himself.

Center- Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Lakers/Miami Heat (...Phoenix Suns/Cleveland Cavaliers) In a decade that seriously contrasted the 90s' big-man dominance (making All-Stars out of Dale and Antonio Davis, Jamaal Magliore and Zydrunas Ilgauskas) Diesel's credentials easily stand out as the best among centers. Although he's spent most of the past few years buried in indifference and calories, the early 2000's Shaq was a force the League hasn't and likely won't see the likes of for some time. He re-defined unguardable, leading LA to a three-peat while feuding with Kobe and enduring a barrage of Hack-a-Shaq; basketball's version of the below-the-belt-blow. Though he was never a prolific foul shooter, O'Neal was a dominant scorer, rebounder and shot-blocker and severely underrated passer who imposed upon the post like none before.

BENCH
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Flash has managed to match Lebron's lofty career arc almost step for step, putting up retarded numbers year after year, and hauling Miami on his back for an unlikely title run in 2006.

Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets/Phoenix Suns/Dallas Mavericks

The best all-around point guard of our era, Kidd nearly copped a couple MVPs and led the Nets to two Finals appearances. His jumper and defense were scrutinized, but Kidd spent years as the L's most coveted quarterback.

Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers/Denver Nuggets/Memphis Grizzlies?

While his teams struggled to complement him with functional surroundings, Iverson was an unstoppable scorer and pesky defender who dragged Philly to the Finals in his MVP '01 season, but stands as the player who's accomplished the least team success on this squad.

Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves/Boston Celtics
KG's dominant all-around game through years of mediocrity in Minnesota cemented him a spot on this team long before his arrival in Boston finally brought a title and the completion of a Hall of Fame legacy.

Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Pierce spent years as a criminally underrated star in Boston; much like Garnett in Minny he was surrounded by talent that betrayed his champion potential, until the two joined forces and brought a 17th title to Beantown.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

As much as I hate conceding it, Dirk has to be here. He brought a new and often-imitated dimension to a 7-footer's game, winning and MVP* and leading the Mavs deep into the playoffs more often than not.

Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons (I'm ignoring the rest)

Although devoid of any offensive skill, Big Ben was the scariest mother-fucker and best defender in the League for the first half of the decade. His years as a bathtub plug in Chicago and Cleveland aside, he's a marginal choice over a dude who can hardly play 50 games a year.

All-Snub Team: Chauncey Billups, Vince Carter, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Webber, Yao Ming

Playoff Diary: 6 Days In

Almost a week into the NBA playoffs and nothing overly shocking has happened yet. Amid some highly competitive (..well, in some cases) basketball, there aren't too many amazing developments or shocking revelations to speak of. Here's a few things we can take away from what we've seen so far:

- Jason Kidd's a defensive liability. I know it's been said many times before, but with his team's playoff life hinging on how badly Tony Parker exploits him, it bears repeating. His lateral quickness has sunk to Oliver Miller-esque levels, and regardless of his cunning playmaking ability, he's a disruptive presence when the entire Mavs squad needs to play help every possession. It seemed to work in game 3, but San Antonio hasn't collectively shot that poorly since the late Jurassic, so constantly collapsing on Pretty Tony may not win them the series so easily.It's been happening all season; it's surprising Dallas doesn't fall into a zone more. Regardless, if the Mavs survive the first round, it'll be in spite of Kidd's shortcomings.

- The Celtics are cooked. Their big men have stepped up to fill the voids left by Leon Powe and some guy named Kevin's absences, but the Bulls are giving them far too many problems for them to have ambitions of returning to the Finals. Garnett's dynamic court presence is critical to their success and Powe's injury leaves an already-hurt team stretched further. They pounded the Bulls last night, but an opening round trouncing of the least experienced team in the postseason is nothing to suggest they won't be beasted next round (or even next game). 

- If there's a fringe contender at this point, it's gotta be the Nuggets (raise your hand if you thought back in October that those words would be soberly uttered this year). Chauncey's been flawless, even squared up with the league's best point, and as a team they've arguably payed the best ball in this young postseason. 

- As if Greg Oden hadn't hurt himself enough times this year with his bumbling clumsiness, his stupidity has now cost one of the game's most revered players his final playoff run. Dikembe Mutombo; league ambassador, humanitarian, and defensive demigod, has fallen victim to an inadvertent Oden stumble, and says his career is now over. Ironic that a week after I crown him with the Kevin Willis Award, this happens; Deke deserved better. Not only was he a dominant defender, but the league's elder statesmen and one of its nicest guys (and most hilarious characters). He'll be sorely missed. Assault charges against Oden are pending, but defense attorneys are seeking to have the charges dismissed on the grounds that their client isn't fit to stand trial.

- Brandon Roy's no fucking joke. His game and poise are years ahead of their time, and if his name's a big part of MVP talk in years to come as the Blazers continue to come of age, I won't be surprised at all. 

- ...Aaaand then there was the Detroit Pistons: An awkward assembly of savvy veterans and energetic youngsters that, after Chauncey's questionable shipping, look completely lost. Iverson's absence has, not surprisingly, done little to mend issues that have been plaguing them all year. They've lost their heart; they look deflated. They aren't very tough inside. Their point guard wants to score all the time. They don't have a prime-time scorer or game-changing talent. Kwame Brown is in their post rotation. This is a very flawed roster that Iverson's impending free agency will greatly benefit; they've got moves to make. 

- Most Impressive so far? Lebron's been unguardable, Chauncey's been unfaultable, but seriously, did anybody ever think Rajonn Rondo would be playing this well, at any point in his career? Fuck, this guy couldn't hit an open jumper for a 10 sheet two years ago and now he's playing some of the best two-way basketball in the league. 

 

Enjoy the ball this weekend, I'll be back in a few days.