The Rest of the Best: 2013 All-Star Reserves

I'm trying to stay ahead of the curve here; Banter's All-Star reserve ballot is being served up as a sequel to the starters before the coaches screwball everything and I have to write a column about why DeAndre Jordan is an All-Star.

First though, I've been taking some heat from a few readers about a couple of my selections as starters, namely Paul George over Dwyane Wade and Kobe Bryant getting "snubbed" by James Harden. I'll be the first to admit: I'm a huge hater of "reputation votes" and tried to find some underlying bias in these decisions, but still feel as though those two deserve to be there.

Through my jaded eyes, the All-Star game is a representation of the NBA season thus far, and should be an opportunity for the players who've defined it to be celebrated. It's not about who the better player is, it's about who has mattered more this season, that's George and Harden in this case. Let's travel back to the alternate universe where I decide the NBA All-Stars as I explain:

East Reserves

Dwyane Wade
Sure Dwyane Wade is a better player than Paul George, but Miami has been somewhat underwhelming at times this season, and never has it been more apparent that he's the second-best player on his team. Meanwhile, George's sudden eruption after their "franchise" guy went down and their "max" player couldn't cut it as a two-way focal point is the main reason Indiana's leading the Central. He's their leading scorer, gives them 8 rebounds/game from the 3-spot, and - on the League's #1 rated defensive team - is the most versatile, and probably best defender.

Kyrie Irving
Cleveland might be one of the NBA's worst teams, but Irving is without question one of its best young talents and belongs in the All-Star game not only on the merits of his stellar offensive play this season, but as an exciting, dynamic franchise talent that has loudly declared his arrival. There's only so much of a "his team's terrible" argument one can make to keep a player this skilled and - from the League's perspective -marketable out of the lineup (not that this should really influence things, but it's like Blake Griffin's nod as a rookie; it's good for the game).

Luol Deng
The answer to all of the following questions is: Luol Deng

Who is the only player in the NBA logging over 40 minutes/game? ____________

Who has been the best two-way player for a Bulls team that's pacing itself extremely well while their MVP heals up? _____________

Who is probably the most under-rated player in the entire League? ______________ (as evidenced by Shane Battier snaring more votes than him. Seriously)

Who unquestionably deserves a spot on this bench? ______________

There shouldn't really be any more questions.

Tyson Chandler
The 2nd-most important component to the Knicks' sudden dominance, Chandler has been a complete package, obviously defending at an All-World level while upping his scoring and leading the League in FG% by a simply astounding margin. There's an extremely valid case to be made that he should be starting, which even three years ago would've been an absurd notion. As late bloomers go, Chandler's been a stunning surprise, and yet another player Mark Cuban will likely eternally regret not re-signing.

Joakim Noah
Arguably as crucial to the Bulls' early success has been Noah's ever-consistent energy and defensive presence; he anchors an elite defense, disrupting everything around the basket with an irritating tenacity, and doing everything on offense excellently, save for actually putting the ball in the basket. Noah will likely never be a #2.... or 3 scoring option, but has increased his offensive production in Rose's absence, averaging career-highs in scoring and assists (as well as blocks and steals) to help fill the void.


Deron Williams
After some December faltering and Avery Johnson being taken out by Prokorov's elite squad of  covert-ops assassins, Brooklyn's new team has been reeling off some decent-to-impressive games, with Williams finally hitting shots and playing with the kind of swagger he used to show off in Utah before Sloangate. I don't think "over-rated" is the word, but as skilled as he is, it seems absurd that there was ever debate between him over Chris Paul.

Chris Bosh
The final spot on this roster came down to Bosh and Jrue Holiday, and while Holiday is in the midst of a breakout year that will put him in the thick of the MIP conversation all season, Kyrie Irving pretty much stole all his "awesome young point guard on a crappy team" thunder, and having the point guard of a 2nd sub-.500 team here seemed redundant. On the flipside, Bosh - a player who was never known for his toughness or versatility on defense - has manned up this season and spent most of his time effectively playing center, holding his own and producing impressively, while allowing Miami to maintain its optimal lineups. I rarely find room to compliment Bosh, but his and Dwyane Wade's contributions this season are the epitome of "less is more" in terms of the box score.

West Reserves

Kobe Bryant
So, about the whole Kobe thing: both Harden and Bryant are having amazing seasons, and that the Mamba is still doing it at this rate, at this age, is truly remarkable. But to me, this isn't even much of a question. Kobe's been visibly passive on D this year while still unloading on offense; a once-elite defender - the leader of these Lakers - selectively coasting to save energy for offense, on a team whose defensive issues have highlighted what is the most universally disappointing season of any NBA team. All Harden's done is put up similar numbers while still being a great defender, for a team with a better record and much less talent, who are performing above anyone's expectations largely because of him. I'm not sure what other than the weight of Kobe's name earns him the starter's nod, but here he is, an All-Star for the 482nd consecutive season.

Russell Westbrook
There's a lot of things you can say about Russell Westbrook, many of which used to be legitimately negative. As the seasons pass, those items are being steadily eradicated and have left us with the second-best point in the NBA this season. He's the most athletic guard in the League. He's a fearless competitor who plays hard every night (and I do mean every night; he hasn't missed a game in his career yet). He does many things at an elite level, always had the confidence to exert himself when needed, and is developing a much better sense of when to do so. He doesn't even turn the ball over that much anymore. He's a Top-10 player, helping to lead the NBA's best team this season. He's guaranteed not to mail in the All-Star Game and throw down 2 or 3 awesome dunks. Enough said. (for those of you who think I actually use dunks as All-Star criteria, I'm merely mentioning it as icing on the cake, honey on the blunt, chrome on the Bugatti, whatever lingo you like to use)

Blake Griffin
So, for those of you who thought this may have been some insane meta-joke by David Stern on his way out, the Clippers are actually awesome now, and Griffin's been his usual All-Star self. Though his numbers are down (on a team that's so deep their most legitimate rotation issue is finding minutes for everyone within the flow of the game) he's harnessing his athleticism and - especially on defense - playing with more control and focus. As for in-game dunk potential, well, when one's jaw-dropping poster shots have almost become redundant, one's presence in an event with defense as lazy as the All-Star Game is a must.

David Lee
Who needs Andrew Bogut? Lee's larger-than-life play for the surprise of the season makes him a must on the West bench. There's almost a certain algorithm at play here: ~20/10 Guy + Massively Over-Achieving Team + Playoff Solidification + Tough Conference - All-Star Caliber (when healthy) Center = All-Star Appearance. Easy math.

Zach Randolph
People thought Z-Bo was finished. People thought he couldn't be the same player after his injury. People were fucking wrong. Randolph has been the definition of a beast this season with his constant low-post assault of the basket and boards. He gives up quite a bit height and athleticism-wise to most NBA 4s, but makes up for it with raw hustle and pure positioning, leading all non-Dwights in rebounding and serving as the Grizzlies' go-to guy in a balanced attack.

Speaking of Dwight, you may notice he's not here, which I had brief second thoughts about, but don't really regret. Yes, he's been much more impressive over the past couple of weeks, but I haven't forgotten the first month and a half of the season when he was a complete shell of himself, nor can I look beyond the Lakers' utter dud of a campaign and honestly say they deserve a second player here. Sorry, but if the All-Star game is at all a "representation of the season thus far", the Lakers should be sweeping the floor on dead balls after they mowed down so many headlines, didn't hire Phil, and have sucked this much.

Stephen Curry
Like Lee, Curry has been lights-out for a Golden State team that's putting everyone's preseason predictions to shame, and most of the Western Conference on watch. He scores nearly at will, is one of the NBA's most underrated playmakers, and makes up for any size he gives up on D with lightning lateral quickness. The freedom he's been afforded in the backcourt this year without Monta Ellis has allowed him to truly find his role, and leaving no doubt that his team kept the right man.

LaMarcus Aldridge
Honestly, this feels like a bit of a freeroll since Kevin Love's knuckle pushups are the only reason this spot's available to begin with, but lost amidst the shuffling storylines and franchise-altering injuries, is the reality that the Blazers are above .500 in the West, and shallower than Kim Kardashian. Lamarcus Aldridge is still really, really good, and giving this team's fans just one reason not to hang themselves. So for trucking it out, being consistently awesome, and not making the slightest bit of pretentious media rumble about your team's long-term predicament, this spot's all yours Mr. Aldridge. See ya in Houston.

Enter The GrindHouse - Denver vs The Grizz

The Memphis Grizzlies have been the talk of this young NBA season, reeling off a string of impressive wins over tough competition, which has earned them the early consensus of Top Dog while the picture continues to take form. The Grizz have been scoring more easily while playing a suffocating team defense that gleans back to the '08 Celtics (note the Tony Allen connection), balancing the scoring with Russian Roulette-like variance and appear to be clicking on most (if not all) cylinders through the whole rotation.

This can be blamed on a whole array of things, from Zach Randolph's apparent P90x training, to he and Rudy Gay having more time to gel on-court, the relentless bench production, the bitter taste of Playoff disaster lingering in their mouths all summer, OJ Mayo being in a different uniform, Marc Gasol channeling Mark Jackson, Mike Conley looking every bit worth the contract I spit out half my tea (yes, I drink tea) upon reading he signed...

Of course, as is with every team that exceeds pre-season projections, the question is: can they keep it up? Tonight, the Grizz face off against the Nuggets; a team many see them fighting for playoff position with, as they chase a franchise-record 9th straight win. Banter's got the play-by-play: welcome to the GrindHouse.

- Zach Randolph hit with a delay of game warning before tipoff. Astounding.

- Tony Allen "looking for his offense early but not shooting the ball very well". Not so astounding.

- The Grizz's first bucket comes off a nice Conley 3 after Gasol gets crowded in the high post and (as usual) finds the open man. Hitting the 3 has been one of Memphis' new weapons; should be of note tonight against a reputedly tough Nuggets' perimeter D

- Lebron James is the only non-guard with more assists this year than Marc Gasol. That's just impressive, even nine games in.

- Grizz timeout early after their effort on D looks very Knick-like

- Midway through the first, the Grizz have been attacking the post and the Nuggets have been hitting easy jumpers. Knotted at 11.

- Again, Denver's defenders overload the post, leave the top of the perimeter wide open, and get stung with a 3, this time by Rudy Gay.

- Iggy with the game's first dunk; a nice 2-handed baseline reverse off a pump fake that just looks TOO casual for what it is.

- Enter: Quincy Pondexter. This is bad news for you, Denver.

- Memphis has been murdering the offensive glass early, but having a player named "The Manimal" is a great equalizer. He forces two second-chance points to cap a Denver run that gives them a 17-14 lead... Until a Mike Conley 3 from the corner in transition knots it again.

- Lotta turnovers by Memphis, and Denver isn't playing particularly great D

- The Grizz are just murdering the Nuggets down low right now, between offensive-rebounds and feebly-contested penetration, it's been ugly, and every time Denver's stacked the key to compensate, they've given up an open 3. Memphis at their best is certainly not a team you want to play small-ball against, and...

- Yes! stealing my thought, George Karl has checked Javale McGee into the game over the break. Instant entertainment spike. On cue, McGee catches an Andre Miller backdoor lob.

- Enter: the rest of Memphis' super-subs, Speights, Bayless and Ellington.

- McGee confusedly dribbles into a triple-team with no teammates within 15 feet, jumps as if he's going to try and dunk over everyone from the dotted line, and gets stripped. Such a majestic game.

- The pace picks up as Speights finishes a near-dunk over Brewer on the break to give Memphis the lead, but a pair of free throws put Denver back up 27-26 after 1 quarter.

- The announcers talking about Memphis' "15-game home winning streak" makes me laugh. Let's just conveniently forget about the Playoffs and that 27-point 4th Quarter collapse. At home. Led by Nick Young.

- Both teams come out of the gates running in the 2nd, looking to set the tone. The result? More turnovers. McGee appears to have Pondexter sealed in the post, but falls over while establishing position after Miller creates what in his mind is another easy bucket. The ball rolls by - just out of his massive reach - and the Grizz get back and score in transition.

- Commercial break: 32-32.

- After the break, McGee is curiously absent.

- Jordan Hamilton checks in, tries to make a move off the pass, and blatantly travels. The announcer deadpans: "It does not end well for him".

- 3 more Memphis turnovers to start the 2nd. Hard to score at that rate.

- When they're not losing the ball, the Grizz are finding Randolph for nice looks in the post; keeping it simple, exploiting the edge.

- Pondexter cages the Manimal, taking a charge on the break well ahead of the play; the kind of consistent gritty effort we've learned to expect from them.

- Gallinari catches a lob into the post off a switch with Miller and finishes maybe the toughest shot of his career over three Grizzlies; game's high scorer with 9. Not to be outdone, Gay comes back and sticks one of those 3's that makes the rim mic twang; game's high scorer with 11.

- "Danillo Gallinari, who did NOTHING against the Grizzlies in three games last year, has been the man of the match for the Nuggets so far." Flattering. 45-45 with 2:37 left in the half. Very tight game so far, but if Memphis could just take care of the f***ing ball, they'd be not only scoring more (clearly) but preventing the  fast breaks that have led to fouls and enough of Denver's points.

- The Nuggets have been playing some very sloppy transition ball themselves; numerous lucky deflections are the only reason they're still in single-digit TOs.

- A couple pretty bad no-call fouls have the GrindHouse raining boos on the refs, and the Grizzlies trailing 52-49. The Nuggets are shooting are 54% and the Grizz's D looks about as confused as you would if you saw a grizzly bear in the city of Memphis.

- Time for some blueberry pancakes while some Grizzlies "legend" gives weak halftime analysis.

- Players I pictured doing that segment: Bonzi Wells, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Blue Edwards

- Tip for blueberry pancakes, put more emphasis on the "blueberry", less on the "pancake"

- The first half was scrappy; the 2nd half at first impression won't be any different.

- Faried picks up 2 quick fouls - terrible news for the Nuggets as he now has 4. Karl isn't calling anyone off the bench though...oh...no...wait...here comes...JAVALE MCGEE! Who immediately throws up an awkward runner, but gets his own rebound over everyone for an easy putback, hardly jumping.

- Curious officiating. A lot of close calls going against Memphis nebulously, and a lot of swallowed whistles on close fouls. The Grizz are laughing, but what else can you do?

- More exploiting the post from Memphis; Denver's countered with a Koufos/McGee frontline that's getting confused on switches more than contesting shots.

- By the way, a quick shoutout to NBA League Pass for leaving this game and the Clippers/Spurs tilt untouched while blacking out the thrilling Magic/Hawks showdown. A rare treat.

- Memphis has grinded away, back to a 67-64 lead. As advertised their scoring is balanced: Gasol leads three in double-figures, Bayless has 9, Conley has 8, and only Ellington has yet to score.

- While Mcgee isn't doing much to prevent Gasol from scoring, he's at least answering with a few nice post moves of his own. There might be hope yet for the kid...

- A contested Corey Brewer 3 goes in (somehow) to bring Denver within one; 70-69 Grizz at the end of three.

- McGee's single greatest attribute might be his length allowing him to contest every single rebound; Z-Bo's working on the glass like Ruth's Chris is full and they lost his reservation.

- Nuggets on an 11-3 run up 73-70 early; the bench getting it done. Andre Miller's presence at least triple's McGee's value on offense.

- Admission: I went into this saying to myself "try not to talk about Javale McGee the whole game". Fail.

- If "50/50 balls" were an actual statistical category, Denver would just be completely pummeling Memphis. Then there's the 17 offensive rebounds - in which the Nuggets lead the NBA - but damn. The Manimal is just wreaking havoc.

- Speaking of which, Gay pulls down a board off a Pondexter miss for an uncontested two-handed slam that sends Denver to a time-out clinging to a 79-76 lead, and puts some much-needed wind back in Memphis' sails. It's their first bucket in the paint so far in the 4th, coming at 7:39.

- Conley for 3! Ties the game, validates that contract juuuuuuust a bit more. Gay swats a Ty Lawson floater on the other end, and Memphis is starting to bring out that energy. Tony Allen sinks two at the line and Grizz are up 83-81.

- The refs blow another call (a loose ball Faried knocks out - I swear, he chases every loose ball like he's a Season 3 Wire extra after "that WMD", the refs should just employ a "Faried rule" for sketchy plays they're not sure of)  that leads to a tying bucket for Denver.

- LEAVE TONY ALLEN OPEN FROM 18 FEET! I DARE YOU! Grizzlies up 87-83

- Allen makes a slightly less valuable play, getting T'd up for pulling Faried's hair after they fought for a loose ball. The ensuing free throw knot the game yet again at 87; the 12th time tonight.

- The refs blow another call (God this game's getting repetitive), but tony Brothers steps in off the ball to set things straight and cut Memphis some slack, after they've been on the bum end of virtually every close/blown call.

- The Grizz run an extremely dangerous play with Gasol isolated in the high post and slashers from the right baseline and flashing on the left perimeter. Rudy streaks baseline, Gasol with the beautiful drop pass, and-one.

- The quizzical officiating continues as McGee grabs Gasol's jersey while they fight for a rebound, and Gasol gets nailed with the call.

- I love how the GrindHouse routinely plays the instrumental to "Yonkers" in the 4th quarter. Apparently, Tyler does too:

Tyler, The Creator ‏@fucktyler

DUDE MY SONG WAS PLAYING DURING A FUCKING BASKETBALL GAME!!! THATS TIGHT CAUSE I DONT REALLY KNOW SHIT ABOUT BASKETBALL BUT HELL YEAH

- With the game under 2 minutes and Memphis up 92-90, the two teams trade deadly offensive possessions: a Tony Allen running pump scoop over 2 defenders with the shot clock dwindling, and an Iggy 3 off a broken play. Deadly.

- The offensive glass continues to be Denver's savior; two straight 2nd chance opportunities put them back up 93-92. Javale Mcgee, ladies and gentlemen.

- Gay picks up his dribble in an iso set with nobody near him, awkwardly tries to lob the ball back out to Conley, and gets picked off by Gallinari, comes back down and drills what appears to be the dagger off a Lawson drive-and-kick. 96-92 with 12 seconds left.

- ANOTHER Grizzlies turnover. Laaaaaate.

- Final score 97-92, the Nuggets end the Grizzlies' "15-game home winning streak", sending them to 8-2 after a pretty flat performance.

I recall reading a Randolph quote a few days ago, something about his team "thriving off the underdog role". Well tonight, they certainly played like a team who knew they were 8-1; they were too casual on offense, and turned the ball over a lot. They didn't challenge shots very well, and Denver hit a lot of them. Their effort on glass was so shoddy that Denver grabbed 21 offensive boards, which led to virtually all of their key baskets down the stretch. The officiating wasn't great, but Memphis did themselves no favors along the way to disappointing first home loss.

This wasn't the Grizz we've seen over the past few weeks; this team looked lost, careless and lethargic more often tonight than in their past eight games combined. Maybe this is just a crack in the proverbial windshield, but these kinds of lapses in effort are reminiscent of the Game 1 Incident, and the Grizzlies simply aren't talented enough to win a best-of-seven against a team like the Lakers - whom they face next on Friday - playing this carelessly. Three days off until then, hopefully they can get it together.

Top 9s - Show and Prove

Welcome to Banter's newest feature: Top 9s.

The temptation to rank players, teams, events, dunks, plays or whatever else is almost inescapable for anyone with a brain and an opinion. I also happen to have an outlet, a boredom problem, and suffer from separation anxiety between early June and late October, so I figured having some rankings on here to pass time and spark discussion every now and then wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Why the Top 9? Well, it's just a 9.

Coming into every NBA season, there's players with something to prove: a spot in the NBA to secure, a starting job to battle for, a contract year to put on for. But some stakes are even higher; reputations, legacies: historical shit, not only for the players themselves, but sometimes they carry the weight of entire franchises and the expectations of countless fans on their shoulders. This adds another compelling layer to the NBA's dynamic story and lets us see who's truly made of fire underneath it all. So without further ado, the first edition of Top 9s: The Most to Prove This Season

9. Jeremy Lin

Seems like a logical place to start. Lin's flash in the pan last season caught the NBA's entire stove on fire and made a World-wide celebrity of a player who was out of work just weeks earlier. His controversial offseason departure from the team he'd briefly resurrected - something about a grown billionaire holding an insecure grudge like an 11 year-old girl - not only landed him on a new squad suddenly bereft of talent, but promised to make him a very rich man relative to his NBA accomplishments. We've seen plenty of guys go on tears for crappy teams and disappear before (the name Ronald Murray comes to mind) but Lin flipped the script involuntarily. When Houston inked him that back-loaded offer sheet, they promised to make him a poster boy for the League's spending issues, but when James Dolan felt spited and refused to match (which was just monumentally stupid. I know it's a lot of money, but this guy just made your team over twice the amount you're going to pay him over the next three years. In two months. Get over yourself.) Lin became a focal point of whatever the hell Houston's got going on this season. If he keeps up his level of play from last season, he'll easily be the best player on their team, put talks of his contract to rest, and ensure James Dolan get less of it. But it's that "if" part that has everyone wondering...

8. Zach Randolph

Last season was an absolute disaster for the Grizzlies. They came into 2012 with serious playoff ambitions for the first time in their franchise's history, and Randolph was being celebrated as the NBA's most lethal low-post threat. Well, Z-Bo tore his MCL and missed 37 games, throwing Memphis' season into a flux that set a dubious record along the way to putting the words "playoff disappointment" in a Grizzlies fan's vocabulary. After returning, Randolph wasn't his same self. Part of this was due to Memphis' inability to align him offensively with Rudy Gay, but also that Randolph tends to put on a rather convincing Yokozuna impersonation when sedentary. The months on the shelf made it harder to regain his form, being rushed back into the lineup in time for the playoffs. Reports from apparently reliable sources point to Randolph now being fully healed from the injury, and carrying around several less pounds than last year, which is sure to be easier on his legs. He'll have to be healthy and motivated to re-assert himself on the level he did in 2011, which the Grizzlies need wholly if they want to get back on the right end of playoff dream-crashing.

7. Deron Williams

Time was, a lot of people in the know considered Deron Williams the best point guard in the NBA. "Time" seems like an eternity ago, but this "was" around 2009 and since then, not only has the League's overall point guard talent blown up like the Gangnam Style video, but Williams has spent time on some very questionable teams, not to mention the wrong end of a feud that apparently ended Jerry Sloan's career (seriously, we're talking a 23-year tenure in a field where the average life expectancy of a position is worse than a hemophiliac wrapped in barbed wire in a shark tank - must've been some deep shit). Now that the Nets have found a new home with Deron locked into a long-term deal, they can start to build towards the lofty goals their celebrated owner has set for them, with Williams steering the ship. A lot of eyes will be on Brooklyn; they've been much-ballyhooed over everything from their flashy new arena, to their owner's ambitious 5-year title plan, to their attempt to resurrect a borough and revitalize The Mecca's basketball scene. And I also remember reading somewhere that Jay-Z's involved with the team apparently? Sounds cool. With the ante as high as it possibly could be for a team in a new city, a lot of it will rest of D-Will's shoulders after Dwight didn't happen and the team overpaid for the rest of its roster. If ever there was a time to boldly re-claim his status on the shaky PG totem pole, it's now.

6. Kobe Bryant

Regardless of how much he accomplishes in his storied career, Kobe's more or less a formality on this list. He's spent the past 15 years cultivating a niche as by far the most polarizing figure in the NBA (you hear that so much it becomes trite) by giving puritans, underdogs and most casual fans every reason to hate him, while spellbinding others with undeniable talent, bulletproof work ethic, and an indomitable love for the game. This season is the same story: coming off an inevitably-much-scrutinized 6th place showing in ESPN's #NBArank, Bryant will have to adjust his Bieber-like usage rate from last season and mesh his offensive tyranny with the Lakers' new arrivals if they hope to live up to the hype surrounding them. As his legacy would dictate, most of the skeptics' questions surround his role: "Will Kobe be OK with Nash controlling the tempo?", "How's he going to react when his shots get cut in half?", "Is the Staples Center locker room big enough for his and Dwight's ego?", "He's not the man anymore. He won't like it." But, as is perpetually the case with Kobe, no matter how he addresses these issues this season, you can count on there being more for him to face.

5. James Harden
In most cases, having a career year where you exceeded lofty expectations and won the 6th Man of the Year award would put you far away from having anything to prove. I use the word "you" because, unless you're James Harden, this hasn't happened to you. Setting the tone for this contradiction was Small Game James's complete dud of a Finals: put bluntly, he played by far his worst ball of the season when it mattered the most. As if that weren't enough, he spent the offseason watching free agents get thrown money like GMs were drunken, insecure recent Bellagio jackpot winners at the Spearmint Rhino, and demanded his own max money, driving a very awkward curveball into the Thunder's long-lingering long-term financial dilemma. Playing in a small market, with two max deals already on their roster (at least they extended Ibaka before he played himself into that conversation) Harden's threatened a divide in Sam Presti's plan to keep this young core together. He's currently a fringe max player at best (at least in anything even vaguely resembling a sustainable economic model) and Presti could get heaps in return from a team more able fork over the money Small Game James is seeking. The future of the Thunder's composition could very well lie on Harden's play this season, and whether he proves himself too valuable to lose.

4. Roy Hibbert

As you've probably figured out by now, the words "max deal" are being tossed around the NBA these days like "swag" and "YOLO" are by hip-hop wannabes, nowhere more evident than in Indiana, where ascribed All-Star Hibbert (who for argument's sake posted career bests of 12.8/8.8 last year, offering a defensive presence that, while valuable, was at-most 4th best among East centers) will be raking in as much money as he possibly can next season. The obvious questions are 1. "Does he deserve it?" and more importantly, 2. "Does this completely screw over the Pacers?" Neither can really be answered right now, because Hibbert is still only 25, has improved very dramatically over the past two years, and from all skills, conditioning, and attitude perspectives seems bound to continue. But the Pacers aren't prime candidates to bite the luxury tax bullet, and now have a ton of money tied up in Hibbert, while having made no significant upgrades this offseason. This means it'll up to guys like breakout-ready Paul George, and more so the dude this paragraph's about, to take Indiana further in a conference where they almost beat the NBA champs last spring, but have seemingly regressed against the competition up top.

3. John Wall
It was all too good to be true. Wall showed almost too much potential, his athletic ability was so far ahead of its time when he was drafted. He was Derrick Rose, only faster end-to-end; a perfect palette with which to paint a legendary point guard. Something had to go wrong. Enter the Washington Wizards. Enter Andray Blatche. Enter Nick Young. Enter Javale McGee. Rather than let his quarterbacking talents blossom, Wall was a relative daycare employee, and after a promising rookie campaign, hit a serious sophomore slump last season. Fortunately for him, the headaches appear to be gone; the immature mess that once marred the Wiz's roster has been replaced by stable veterans down low, and given way to another promising young gun (3rd pick Bradley Beal) to share Wall's backcourt. All the pieces appear to be in place for him to get back on the path to superstardom, but sometimes it's the immense amount of talent that's so difficult to harness. John Wall has all the potential in the World, but along with the possibilities, comes the potential for so much to go wrong.

2. Carmelo Anthony
Carmelo Anthony and Lebron James have been on very contrasting NBA journeys since their once-storied rivalry as high school and NBA rookie phenoms. Their stories met again this past year, linking up as Olympic teammates and putting on clinics as the US took the expected Gold. They face yet another indirect crossing as they return: in the same season James took himself from clear first to dead last (as in the entire League) on this list, Melo's inability to win became a popular topic among hoops pundits who wondered if he'd ever make the leap from hardcourt gunner to transcendent winner; be the Slim Charles of the NBA game (he's from B-More after all). Now almost a decade into his career with 0 Finals appearances under his belt, Anthony will be under the microscope like never before; his Olympic outbursts and triumph are fresh in everyone's minds, but we've all known he was a World-class scorer from Day One. What remains to be seen is everything else: Can he defend? Can he defer? Can he make those around him better? And, obviously, Can he win? Your move, Melo.

1. Dwight Howard
I'm sorta out of words at this point, not because I have a hard time justifying this slot or had a Writer's Block dropped on me, but there's really nothing more to be said about Dwight Howard that hasn't over the past 18 months. To sum things up for anyone who might be a new NBA fan or is simply nauseous from all the bullshit: Howard demanded a trade from Orlando, publicly denied it, then publicly confirmed, then denied it again (shit, who even really knows), mailed in all of last season, got his coach fired, attempted to model the team in his own image, got his GM fired when that didn't work, all the while acting immaturely in the media and with a lack of transparency that sabotaged his team's ability to move him effectively, so that when they ultimately were forced to, they got completely and utterly shafted. To say that he's humiliated the NBA would be a minor understatement, surely substantiating every negative stereotype about professional athletes held by the conservative public. The bad news for Dwight is that he's got a lot of making-up to do in the eyes of basketball fans. The good news for Dwight is that he landed in the proverbial Pot of (Purple and) Gold at the end of this shit-rainbow: he's on a team that's seriously threatening to take the NBA by storm, and as still the most dominant center in the League, he'll be right in the eye of it. Cue up "All Eyez on Me" and enjoy your season. 

Grizzly Watch

I never would've expected that a night of my drunken observations about the Memphis Grizzlies would land me a permanent gig, but sure enough, somebody thinks my ramblings are worthy of some more ink.


I was contacted over the weekend by an editor from HoopsAddict.com, who had stumbled across my report from Game 2, apparently wasn't appalled, and, in need of someone to cover the Grizz, dropped me a line. There was obvious irony to this happening during the game that eliminated Memphis from the playoffs, so my first task was to come up with a Season-in-Review type piece, which I figured I'd toss up here to bridge the gap between where I've come from and going as an NBA blogger. I'll be updating regularly on the Grizz for HoopsAddict next season (weekly updates, notes from big games, etc) but my need to rage about all things NBA will never die; Banter's not going anywhere.


I'm pretty sure this will be up on HoopsAddict soon, but here's an un-edited exclusive sneak peek for Banter's loyal followers:

It really wasn't supposed to end this way. This early.

I know how strange that sounds - I mean, we're talking about the Memphis Grizzlies, the team that waywardly wandered away from Vancouver and seemed as out of place in the NBA as a Grizzly bear in the city of Memphis - but this season was supposed to be different.
Yet here we are - mere months removed from the "Western Dark Horse" and "Think About How Dangerous They'll be With Rudy Gay" talk - and the Grizz are cleaning out their lockers prematurely yet again, with plenty of question marks and a 27-point cumulus cloud hanging over their offseason.

Where did it all go wrong? Unfortunately for Memphis' intensely passionate fans (Beale St. doesn't mess around pre-game), there's no obvious scapegoat; no clear target for index fingers, other than the one no team can avoid: fate. It was obvious that the Grizz were going to have to make some adjustments in welcoming back a dynamic talent like Rudy Gay back to a system that propelled them past the Spurs and to within a game of the Western Conference Finals last spring. But the full-on identity crisis Memphis was set up for when Darrell Arthur, and then worse yet Zach Randolph, went down for large stretches, would ultimately condemn their season.

Like any self-respecting, competitive team, they didn't roll over; they adjusted, adapted, but hardly evolved. Despite Marreese Speights' solid efforts to fill the rebounding and scoring voids left in the frontcourt, the team was thinner, weaker; forced to stray from the post-oriented offense and punishing transition game that defined their success. They were winning games; staying above water for Randolph's return, but they were also getting comfortable outside their own skin. Grizzlies in sheep's clothing. Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo were scoring most of their points; Marc Gasol was shouldering more of a load on the glass, facing more attention on D than he ever had, and fighting off even more bodies for rebounds (and still made the All-Star team); Mike Conley got more comfortable looking for his shot than looking for a man on the block; and the vaunted energy of their bench looked suddenly languid.

In what was already a season of many adjustments for every NBA player and team, the Grizzlies had to re-create themselves yet again when Randolph returned - this time to share the scoring load with Gay - just in time for the playoffs.

That the postseason began with a completely anomalous, unlikely, historic, and utterly soul-crushing collapse (one that was cued by Chris Paul forcing Vinny Del Negro to put him back in the game during the 4th, to be fuelled by series of three-point bombs from Nick Young and gritty hustle from Reggie Evans, two noted playoff assassins) didn't help matters. Starting a series with such an epic swing of momentum surely took the wind out of their lungs, but the Grizzlies weren't ever truly out of it, only they waited until their backs were against the wall, down 3-1, to move their attack closer to the hoop and truly abuse their edge. They managed to force Game 7, but couldn't close the deal; it wasn't too little, just too late.

And so ends their 2012 season; not as it was supposed to, but what should've been can't change what is... So what will become of these Grizzlies?

The obvious dilemma going forward will be Rudy Gay's role/presence on this team. As recently as 18 months ago, he was given a generous contract and pegged as their Franchise Guy; there's no denying Gay's talent. You also can't deny this truth; the Grizzlies - with largely the same lineup - went a fair bit deeper in the playoffs, against tougher competition, without him last year. And in the games that saved Memphis' season, Gasol and Randolph carried the bulk of the load.

Logic would certainly point to moving Gay; he's versatile, he's athletic, he performed well last season and probably hasn't hit his cieling yet; but he's like Memphis used to seem in the NBA: just out of place. His trade value might never be higher again, there's a ton of money tied up in him, and when you consider what he could bring back: a more functional upgrade at the point, bench scoring that isn't OJ Mayo (who the Grizz seemingly can't wait to get rid of), a legit post presence to shore  Randolph and Gasol (hell, bring Mayo/Conley into the fold and Chris Wallace could probably get all of the above) it's hard to ignore.  It would be a dramatic move, but "dramatic" could also describe the 27-point meltdown that arguably could've cost Memphis a trip to the Second Round. To quote a sage old man (Jaffar from Aladdin, don't sleep): "Desperate time calls for desperate measures". The Thunder aren't getting much older anytime soon.

So the offseason looms, with much at stake. The return of Darrell Arthur will only help bolster Memphis' questionable bench and restore the swagger that once took the NBA by storm, but if the Grizzlies want to stop swimming upstream, he shouldn't be the only thing to change about this roster. Maybe trading Rudy Gay isn't the way the franchise wants to go; I called Wallace crazy when he gave Pau Gasol away, but that seemed to work out, so who knows what he has up his sleeve. One thing's for sure: After a season of adjustments that moved them backwards, it's time to adjust again, and hopefully continue to move forward.

What You Missed at Home: Live @ Game 2 in Memphis

Saturday, April 27, 2012; ~2pm - I'm settling into what, for me, is an ideal day: plenty of kush, plenty of good food, two screens of poker tournaments, and (more importantly) a third one showcasing the first day of something I've spent months expecting to miss, and a few beyond that waiting for: The NBA Playoffs.

While I couldn't possibly ask for more without feeling a bit greedy, my good friend (and fellow basketball junkie) Alex Livingston and I were about to sweeten the pot by talking ourselves into going to a playoff game. We struck up a conversation, mused about which series would be the most compelling, and not an hour later, we were booked for an adventure down to Memphis for Game 2. My first live playoff game: Dream about it for 20 years; make it a reality in 20 minutes. Why not?

Now, being the financially irresponsible NBA addict that I am, I thought it was perfectly normal and reasonable to travel 2400 miles on a complete impulse to watch a single playoff game, but judging from the number of crooked looks I got from people inquiring why I was in town, apparently I'm wrong. Oh well.

Rather than base our trip out of Tennessee, we thought it would be neat to check out nearby Tunica, Mississippi: Just a half hour outside of Memphis, it was Vegas on the Bayou, allegedly boasting some of the best conditions for us avid poker players; a fun atmosphere, very soft games and generous gratuities. Then we actually arrived, found out that Tunica's about as fun as a lobotomy, and the geographic visual equivalent of drying paint. I was unimpressed by the game selection, underwhelmed by a five-star steakhouse for the first time in my life, and, in the climax, spent two hours wandering on the side of the highway under scorching sun (you should see my sexy beater tan) in an effort to find a drug store and replace the moisturizer and shaving cream that TSA stole from me. "Why didn't you call a cab?" you might ask? Oh, because for some reason, in a senior-filled tourist trap where nothing except the next casino/hotel is within walking distance, there are no cabs. Not one. Incredible. This would have been problematic for our planned night of drinking, only there were no bars either. Within 20 hours of arriving, we called an audible, booked a new hotel in Memphis, and arranged to fly out two days earlier rather than prolong our misery. Basically, if you're ever planning on going to Tunica, don't.

We arrived in Memphis a few hours before tipoff, got settled in our new digs, and went to explore the vibrant downtown district. For the uneducated, Memphis boasts itself as the home of Blues music, and represents very well. Beale St; the one directly outside of FedEx Forum; is a southern-themed George St; complete with  awesome BBQ, a litany of live music, and people openly drinking copious amounts of beer in the street, not to mention the bars that line both sides of it. Well, when in Rome... After some pulled pork at B.B. King's, some body shots at Coyote Ugly (ya, that Coyote Ugly), and enough beer to give the Duff Man a rough morning, we rolled over to the game. (Might be worth noting at this point that between our booking and arrival, Memphis had suffered the worst 4th quarter collapse in NBA playoff history; so people were drunkenly carrying around a very volatile combination of anxiety and ambition that made us both fear for our lives if the Grizz were to lose again).

By the time we got to our seats, I was buzzing fairly hard, and things hadn't even gotten that aggressive yet. So I stole a move from Grantland's Rembert Browne, and jotted down notes on my phone to recall the evening's memorable moments, when my memory for specific details was sure to be at its worst:

"WhiteOut!!!": We rolled into the arena an hour before tipoff (I wasn't about to half-ass this), and were immediately blinded by the white and yellow combo of "Believe" t-shirts and towels draped over every one of the arena's 18, 119 seats (man, would that job SUCK). It looked pretty cool, but the effect was only amplified as those seats were gradually filled with bellowing fans (and every last one of them was, or at least so says nba.com), wearing the shirts with pride and waving the towels like they were crazed football fans in Pïttsburgh. You see it on TV all the time, but to the naked eye, it's much more profound. Those who chose not to adorn the tees were exposed on the jumbotron, offered shirts by arena staff, and loudly chastised by the crowd until they put one on. #Awesome (peep the photo above)

"Dave": After about half an hour, our section started to fill out; we were joined in the seats on our left by Dave; a pretty cool guy (even after conversing with us at length and not introducing us to his probably-too-hot-for-him girlfriend), who despite his admitted lack of in-depth knowledge, was as enthusiastic a couch-mate as you could ask for. To our right was another couple, one who didn't speak to us all game after Alex offered the (snobby) girl a sincere apology for accidentally snaring her towel. In front of us was a family of four, who were clearly dragged there by the father, an evident hoop-head. More on that in a second...

"beat LA! beat LA!": The pregame was an absolute perfect storm of NBA enthusiasm: a bunch of overly-intoxicated fans losing it for an upstart team that had left them yearning for years, suddenly gotten very good, and more recently, suffered a historic collapse that left them bloodthirsty for revenge. "Beat LA!! Beat LA!!" rang out so loud you couldn't hear yourself think as fans rendered their seats obsolete (if you were "sitting" in the lower bowl, at any given point during most the game, you were likely watching the guy in front of you wave a towel) and erased any regret I might've had about passing up the OKC fans in their favor.

"CP3 isn't human": Seeing Chris Paul play live has been on my Bucket List for several years now, and he still managed to insult my expectations - in a very good way. Watching this relative midget dominate the biggest athletes in the World with more precision and poise than I can put into words is one of those things you just have to see for real; TV just doesn't do it justice. He's no taller than six feet (I've stood right behind him in line at McDonalds and can tell you this very confidently), and yet so far above everyone else.

"Vinnys clueless": Paul's brilliance is starkly contrasted by his coach; watching Vinny Del Negro in person is almost as fascinating, because you get to see all the things that go on off-camera: his puzzled expressions, his overly-animated gestures at awkward moments, his players completely ignoring him. He was the recurring comic relief throughout the game.

"Rudy Gay bad pass reaction": Early in the first quarter, Rudy Gay is streaking along the left wing on the break, anticipating a pass that Mike Conley sends several feet in front of him and clean into the first row. Gay freezes dead in his tracks, holding the triple-threat position for several seconds, while looking over at Conley in disbelief.

"Sager Sighting!!", "Jerry the King": As I know TNT is broadcasting, I've spent a good amount of time playing a slightly easier game of Where's Waldo; trying to find a man wearing the ugliest suit in America amid a sea of white shirts. I spot him chasing down Vinny D for the standard "end-of-first-visiting-coach" interview (rocking something that Brick Tamland would've put together on an off day), and for just a few seconds, wish I was at home, so I could hear this meeting of minds. Of course, as I'm thinking this, the jumbotron zooms in on a conveniently-placed Clippers fan courtside. He's acting very boisterous and drawing the ire of the crowd, when, out of nowhere, appears Memphis native and wrestling legend Jerry "The King" Lawler - rocking a crown and custom "King" Grizzlies jersey - who confronts the fan WWF-style, before locking him in a tombstone piledriver - sending the crowd into complete pandemonium - and putting him down for the count. Standing O. Never mind, I'm glad I'm here.

"Dad n son in front of us": By the second quarter, I've noticed my view of the game has been slightly less obstructed than most in this standing-room-only arena. This is because in front of me is the younger son of the family of four. He's the only one not enjoying himself; in his seat, his entire body from the eyes down stuffed into his 'Believe' tee, watching the game on the jumbotron, clearly caring about as much as he must've in math class earlier that day. The father, to his right, looks down upon him and scorns "...You're watching this on the big screen??", shooting him a look that's half "I paid $230 for these tickets" and half "Who the fuck is this kid that clearly got swapped for mine at the hospital?". I can only hope my children don't turn out that way.

"Gasol passing", "Blake shot selection", "Tony Allen jumper": One of the better parts of watching a game live is letting it speak for itself; you get to focus on it rather than be distracted by shifting cameras, dumb announcers, and all the other shit going on. Some things that I found don't get talked about enough on TV: For all the praise his brother gets, Marc Gasol is a really, really good passer. Not only that, he's extremely versatile; delivering an array of bounce, chest, and outlet passes, out of double teams on the low block, from the elbow, and in transition. So many hockey assists. He out Vlades Vlade.

Blake Griffin's shot selection is, well, interesting. I still can't wrap my head around it because it seems like so many of his attempts are careless forces, but he also holds an ability to control and contort his body midair beyond that of anyone his size, and he hits a decent amount of them. But still, sometimes you're just left shaking your head like "Chris didn't want the possession to end that way" or "If their coach wasn't completely useless he'd instill some discipline and find a way to combine that aggressive athleticism with the best point guard alive and get him better looks".

Tony Allen....Well, as someone on Twitter so kindly put it once; "At 3am, in a dimly lit bar, Tony Allen's jumper would still leave alone". Why Lionel Hollins hasn't tried shock therapy or something at this point is beyond me.

"Horrible reffing & fans not booing jumbotron": Kenny Mauer; I describe him pre-game to Alex as "tech-happy and not the best". By the second quarter, he's already blatantly fucked up three calls - right in front of him and us - unleashing a flood of boos from FedEx Forum's faithful as his mistakes are replayed on the 'tron. I'd normally take this with a grain of salt, but also on no fewer than three occasions so far, the big screen's replayed close calls that went to the Clippers, and not a peep from anyone. Maybe they're not that drunk yet. The next morning, I tried to compliment Mr. Mauer when I was behind him in line at the airport newsstand, only to discover that it wasn't actually him, and awkwardly walk away (right, like anyone else who's not European and in their 50s wears their hair like that).

"Ibaka, Jordan": I've spent far too long making faulty comparisons between Serge Ibaka and DeAndre Jordan offensively. I can't lie to myself anymore. After watching Ibaka absolutely devour Dallas on an impressive array of double-team sneaks, offensive glass putbacks, and even a few of his own moves to the hoop a few nights prior, I had hoped Jordan would come even close to measuring up, but was majorly let down. Somebody needs to convince Donald Sterling to hire The Dream to work with this kid over the summer, because he's an absolute monster of a human being, who could be Chris Paul's next version of Tyson Chandler if he had the slightest idea how to finish after taking contact, or even with a defender in his general vicinity. Vinny D's sure as hell not showing him how. As Jordan takes a weak foul and splits at the line, Vinny and CP3 meet at half; Chris does most of the talking. Vinny looks confused.

"Sirius": If the satellite radio station is what immediately came to mind, please stop reading this. If you're familiar with the goosebump-inducing Allan Parsons Project anthem that's become synonymous with NBA playoff drama since MJ made it famous, then you need no explanation as to why nothing in the World could get me more excited for the fourth quarter of a close game than a bunch of people screaming deafeningly loud over this song.

"Vinny, Blake inbounds play": The climax of Vinny's wayward night comes during a crucial inbounds play where Memphis is (predictably) running a pick-and-pop for Gasol to operate in the high post. I can clearly remember thinking to myself "If they score here, it' over". Vinny's halfway on the court, near foul line extended, screaming for Blake Griffin (remember, this is Blake Griffin, not Tyson Chandler, or even Taj Gibson) to hedge closer to the screen. Blake doesn't move, doesn't even acknowledge his coach, then rises above everyone to intercept the inbound pass.

"Juice = Huge": The one regret I have from this trip (aside from ever setting foot in Tunica) is not making the wisest $20 purchase of my life on a 'Juice is My Homeboy' OJ Mayo tee, and rocking it with pride as he proceeded to throw dirt on the grave the Clippers dug for themselves with a careless attitude towards passing and defensive rebounding. Wouldn't have guessed he'd be the killer down the stretch, but tonight he was in Michael Myers mode. Vinny certainly looks very frightened.

"Z-Bo trans steal = play of game": Something I'd have much more reluctantly guessed would be that a Zach Randolph transition steal to step on the Clippers' neck would be the play of a game in which he shared the court with Blake Griffin, but as soon as it happens, Alex and I both nod assent: that was it. By the time Blake finally throws one down, it's too little too late, but damn...Is it ever still a sight.

"Vinny game over, clipboard": With the game out of hand on its final possession, and Mike Conley playing out the motions at the line, Vinny D is suddenly trying on his best "coach deep in thought" act, thoughtfully exchanging glances between his clipboard, the scoreboard, and his white-flag-waving players after a night of frantic confusion and challenged authority. It was nice of him to provide us with one last laugh, even if he couldn't help CP3 guide them into an overtime thriller for us.

I awoke the next morning in the Memphis Comfort Inn, still clad in my 'Believe' tee with my new Grizz fitted shielding my eyes from light that would surely hurt like fuck. It was a pretty nasty hangover; we joined in the post-game victory celebrations (thankfully we avoided a similar outcome to Game 1, and the ensuing post-game riot) as they spilled out onto Beale St and beyond, finally getting a ride back to our hotel from Ashley, a sweetheart (and not hard on the eyes) bartender who we befriended out of mutual frustration with a drunk homeless guy who crashed our patio table. But that's a story for another day; it was time to go back to Canada, and sadly leave this explosion of NBA playoff excitement behind me.

At least I wasn't going back to Tunica.

Grizzly Watch! Game 4 in Memphis

"It is the biggest game in Grizzlies franchise history. A chance to take a 3-1 lead against the #1 seed San Antonio Spurs." - Ernie Johnson

That's why we're here. Let's get into it.

- I spend the 15 minutes prior to this game privately freaking out because "Women's Hockey" is listed on the channel this game's supposed to be on. Canadians love their puck, but my cable company's certainly capable of f***ing this up. Luckily, they did.

- The early talk in the TNT studio surrounds Kobe's bum ankle and the MRI he's apparently forgoing. "Will Kobe sit out?" I'd lay similar odds to those of Sean Elliott hitting a game winner for the Spurs tonight.

- Tipoff! Bias alert: I'm openly going to be cheering for Memphis all night; They're an 8 seed who's never won a playoff series and they're playing the NBA's version of the Patriots; how do you root against them?

- Eva Longoria's ex-husband is torching Mike Conley early, with 8 of the Spurs' first 10

- Marc Gasol: strong case for Most Redeeming Toss-In From a Horrible Trade Ever

-Spurs are clicking early offensively after that first turnover; Timmy D buries a fallaway over Gasol to put them up 16-9 as Lionel Hollins calls for time.

- "In the NHL, you have to win 16 games, JUST to win the Stanley Cup" - Steve Kouleas. Thank you for that oddly-enunciated obvious observation. Really hard-hitting s***. I don't even like hockey, and I'd love to jersey that guy and fishhook him.

- Randolph gets the ball on the block amid 3 defenders and goes to the line. A quick player profile comes up on the screen: "Team Role: Own the Paint". seems about right.

- the Grizz are opening things up a bit, causing turnovers, pushing in transition, and trying to take the Spurs out of their game, so Popovich promptly calls his first timeout and calms things down.

- Sugar Shane Battier is owning George Hill right now, but the Spurs' hot shooting and Memphis' turnovers have put the Grizz down 26-21 after 12 minutes.

- The Grizz's youthful bench is making the Spurs' old legs run more than they'd like to be; Greivis Vasqeuz hits a huge 3 to tie things up at 28

- After a Spurs airball, OJ Mayo comes right back for a transition layup; Grizz up 2, crowd officially losing it. After how much sucking these fans have been through, the energy inside the FedEx Forum tonight could probably cause a nuclear meltdown.

- Richard Jefferson forces a layup through 2 defenders that sails over the backboard and out of bounds, touching nothing, and falls on the landing. Awkward Shot of the Year? (not involving Javale Mcgee)

- Tony Parker's on fire; Tony Allen is not. 35-32 Spurs at 6:40

- Gasol is giving the Spurs all kinds of problems on the boards, challenging for every ball. He's tipped at least 3 to open guys with absolutely no position.

- Tony for 3! Still hasn't missed. He's officially stolen "Pretty Tony" back from Toney Douglas, even if he made the reference more fitting.

- Gasol grabs an offensive board and feeds Mayo for an open 3. Body Up.

- Mayo gets loose and throws down a nice reverse off a beautiful backdoor feed from Z-Bo. Don't worry, you'll see it on SportsCenter.

- Antonio McDyess, he of the veteran sagacity, picks up a foul trying to contain Gasol and fires his mouthguard at the bench. T-bomb.

- Timmy looks tired, straight up. He squares up and loses the ball trying to move to the hoop; he never does shit like that, this is Tim Duncan we're talking about. Farmer's bet he'd rather be matching up with Pau right now.

- Lionel Hollins to Tony Allen "Stop shooting the fucking ball! You're awful!"*

*slight paraphrase

- Manu goes behind his back more than Tony did to Ms. Longoria, finding Parker for two on the break

- Mike Conley doesn't check the clock in time and sends the Grizz into the half down 50-48: San Antonio's shooting like 94% so 2 points isn't that discouraging. Parker's the only one in double figures....with 19.

- For a guy who spends his regular season shoulder-to-shoulder with Jack Armstrong covering the Raptors, Matt Devlin's found himself a cushy playoff gig; it's kinda like Damon Jones always having those great All-Star seats

- Memphis is attacking the Spurs, posting up Gasol and creating a lot of contact down low, to the tune of 3 fouls in the first 2 minutes, and better yet, a 7-0 run.

- Timmy loses the ball on a double-team. The crowd amps it up a notch; the camera cuts to Pop with a rare "Fuck My Life" look on his face, and complete pandemonium erupting around him.

- Confession: the Talking Ball that sounds like Shaft where JR Smith nails a 3 at the end is a pretty decent ad.

- Grizz are on a 14-0 run, the Spurs are handling the rock like a nervous crack fiend, with Memphis playing the swarming cops.

- Gasol, still wreaking havoc on the O glass; rips the rock away from Timmy D and scores. His effect on this game can't be understated. If I was in charge of the Jumbotron/speakers at FedEx arena, I'd have one of these on cue to play every time Tim Duncan did anything at all.

- Smothering D + efficient scoring = Memphis leads by 13 after 3. Suck It, Spurs fans.

- Darrell Arthur delivers one of those "more than two points" buckets, putting a huge swat on Parker, then outrunning the entire break to catch on oop on Bonner's head, put Memphis up 16, and send the crowd to Isaiah Rider heights (interpret that either way you'd like).

- New Most Hilarious Thing Ever, just discovered while Wikipedia-ing Isaiah Rider on commercial. "Oh you got Dana Barros AND Cedric Ceballos on the track?!?!" I'm so buying this on eBay.

- Spurs down 18 with 8 left; luckily, Brandon Roy's playing on the other channel.

- Sugar Shane hits a 3 to bring the lead to 20 at 5:40. I'm more burnt out than Timmy right now, but I'm still cheering at my TV by myself.

- Danny Green appearance = game over.

- "All I Do Is Win" blares on the speakers as the Grizz book the 104-86 victory, and unless San Antonio can do something that's only ever happened 8 times, after being totally owned in the second half, their season will end in the first round. Who needs Rudy Gay?