Basketball Banter's 2018 NBA Awards

Coming to you live from my parents' place where I'm recovering from foot surgery, it's the 2018 Basketball Banter Awards!

Let's face it; you're not here for an intro. You're going to read fourteen awards columns this week anyway, most with intros saying more or less the same thing. I'll spare you the agony here; on with the show:

ALL-ROOKIE TEAMS
FIRST
G-Ben Simmons, G-Donovan Mitchell, F-Kyle Kuzma, F-Jayson Tatum, C-Lauri Markkanen

SECOND
G-Dennis Smith Jr, G-Bogdan Bogdanovic, F-Dillon Brooks, F-John Collins, C-Jarrett Allen

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - BEN SIMMONS
In a harvest plentiful of talent, two first year (technically) phenoms rose above the rest and made this award truly painful to figure out. The beef is legit here; it's a very close race.

In one corner, Donovan Mitchell single-handedly saved Utah's season, coming out of nowhere as a dynamic lead scorer on a team bereft of offense. His unlikely role in the Jazz's equally-unlikely ascension to homecourt in the West is a convenient narrative.

But there's also Simmons, who despite his much-trumpeted aversion to threes does so much at an elite level right from the get.

He's already one of the NBA's best playmakers, with that rare  LeBron/Nash/Rubio third eye for passing lanes. He's lethal off the dribble; a soft finisher who's too long for guards and too quick for bigs. And on D he's a prototypical uber-stopper who can switch between all positions and is highly mismatch-proof.

His numbers are unique and speak for themselves. Unlike virtually all top picks, he earned his for a playoff team that - pending Joel Embiid's return - will be terrifying for a core making its postseason debut.

Regards To: Donovan Mitchell, Jayson Tatum, Kyle Kuzma

SIXTH MAN OF THE YEAR - LOU WILLIAMS 

Any time a sixth man is legitimately part of the All-Star discussion (let alone in a conference as
talent-packed as the West), this award is pretty much a wrap.

The Clippers were hit with wave after wave of injuries and seismic trades this year. Nightly they trotted out hastily-cobbled replacement rosters whose anonymity quickly became a running joke in NBA circles.

Yet somehow they remained competitive far longer than conceivable, clawing for a playoff berth until the season's final days. Doc Rivers seriously redeemed himself as a coach, but Williams was indispensable as go-to offense while Blake Griffin was either injured or traded. Lou BBQ'ed just about every team in the league during a Dec-Jan stretch that ranked among the season's loudest statements by any team or player.

Sure, he's not exactly a stout defender, and the Clippers did end up missing the playoffs. But this award has never been about two-way play or team success. Lou only checks a couple boxes, but does them with enough force to make this a landslide win.

Regards To: Fred VanVleet, Eric Gordon, Will Barton

MOST IMPROVED PLAYER - VICTOR OLADIPO

The most obvious of the award winners is also perhaps the most unlikely. Oladipo arrived in Indiana with his career firmly in neutral after several seasons of Orlando’s dysfunction and Russell Westbrook’s megalomania. He had the pedigree of a #2 pick, but doubts were beginning to grow that any upside remained.

We'll never know exactly what got to Vic. Maybe it was one too many look-offs from Russ. Maybe it was hearing all summer how badly Indiana was ostensibly robbed for Paul George. Whatever it was, something....changed.

Like he stumbled across a video game power-up, Oladipo ascended overnight to a level none of us knew he had. He was dropping 20+ nightly on more efficient shooting clips, while also raising his stats across the board; enough so in steals to lead the league.

Oladipo's emancipation coincided with the Pacers' wholly-unforeseen return to the West playoffs. He firmly claimed Indiana's top-dog status before Myles Turner could even get back on the court. As a result, the George trade has been heavily re-evaluated (word to Domantas Sabonis), and Indiana's "rebuild" lasted only a couple of weeks. 

Regards To: Spencer Dinwiddie, Demar DeRozan, Andre Drummond

ALL-DEFENSE TEAMS
FIRST
G-Chris Paul, G-Jimmy Butler, F-Draymond Green, F-Anthony Davis, C-Rudy Gobert

SECOND
G-Ben Simmons, G-Jrue Holiday, F-Giannis Antetokounmpo, F-Kevin Durant, C-Joel Embiid

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR - ANTHONY DAVIS

Very strange year for DPOY voting. Kawhi Leonard - the default pick - played in like two games. Draymond Green - the reigning champ - spent many games in cruise control, and had his candidacy largely neutered  by his own teammate.

Rudy Gobert - who was widely-regarded as being an injury-free season away from the award - inevitably got injured. What this award comes down to is whether anyone else did enough to outweigh the 26 games he missed.

Some may see Gobert's impact as undeniable for a Jazz team that played within a hair of the league's best defensive rating and far exceeded projections. But Davis was just too much of a force, particularly over the back half of the season when he turned the NBA into his own Marvel movie.

Brow led the league in blocks by a mile, while finishing fifth in rebounds and 15th in steals. If the raw numbers don't impress enough, he was third in defensive win shares, and 11th in defensive rating. He was also practically the only Pelican with over 50 appearances and a positive DBPM (Jrue Holiday's 0.3 hardly counts).

A motivated Davis is also one of the rare players whose absurd numbers still betray "eye test" intangibles. The Brow offers dynamic disruption unlike few others; a high-IQ stopper with an apex combination of length and quick leaping, who can close out on a quick wing just as easily as he can erase a floater or smother a low-post brute.

It was long-posited that Davis had all the tools to become a revolutionary stopper. He hasn't even given us the full treatment yet, but in this season of would-be candidates, it's enough for the trophy.

Regards To: Rudy Gobert, Draymond Green/Kevin Durant, Joel Embiid

COACH OF THE YEAR - BRAD STEVENS 

Trying to sort out coach of the year is always s bit of a mindfuck, since it’s arguably the most arbitrary of all the awards, and usually predicated on some unforeseen circumstance altering a team’s season (#narratives). 

This year was especially difficult with a litany of coaches running convincing campaigns: Terry Stotts defied expectations again by piloting the Blazers to the top of the West’s bloated midsection. Nate McMillan did the same with the Pacers in the East, in an even less likely case. Dwayne Casey re-animated Toronto’s offense, unearthing the NBA’s best bench in the process.

Quin Snyder dealt with his usual onslaught of injuries, keeping the lotto-projected Jazz competitive. Doc Rivers went from "how does he still have a job" to "how is his team still in the playoff hunt". And even reigning champ Mike D’Antoni put on an epic title defense, withstanding injuries to both his stars while snaring the seemingly-untouchable #1 seed from Golden State.  

But Stevens was Optimus Prime this year. The Celtics have absolutely zero business being anywhere near the East’s #1 seed. Not after flipping 2/3 of their roster, losing Gordon Hayward five minutes into the season, and having their last month torpedoed by injuries to their best player and whole rotation. 

There’s a mounting body of evidence that suggests Stevens is the NBA’s neo-Popovich: from his teams annually exceeding expectation, to his X and Os wizardry, maximization of unconventional lineups, and the ongoing regressions of players Boston trades away. One could make the argument that Stevens is beginning to deserve the same default vote of confidence many voters have awarded Pop for years. 

Weigh the result of his season against all the obstacles he faced, and it’s tough to compute a different winner for this award.

Regards To: Quin Snyder, Nate McMillan, Terry Stotts

ALL NBA TEAMS
FIRST
G-James Harden, G-Damian Lillard, F-LeBron James, F-Kevin Durant, C-Anthony Davis

SECOND
G-Russell Westbrook, G-Demar DeRozan, F-Giannis Antetokounmpo, F-LaMarcus Aldridge C-Joel Embiid

THIRD 
G-Chris Paul, G-Victor Oladipo, F-Jimmy Butler, F-Karl-Anthony Towns, C-Al Horford

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER - JAMES HARDEN 

And so, the odyssey of a player who seemed destined for Susan Lucci status after several seasons of narrow MVP misses is capped.

While LeBron James and Anthony Davis both mounted formidable late rallies and made this award at least a debate, ultimately Harden's candidacy had built itself too strong a stratosphere to be punctured.

Davis responded to DeMarcus Cousins' injury with a catastrophic 30/12/3.5blk/1.5stl post-All Star
split that has - against all likelihood - kept the Pelicans in the playoffs. LeBron had flat-out one of the best seasons in a 15-year career that is unequaled in the longevity of its all-around dominance.

On the flip side, when Cousins was healthy, Davis wasn't even the Pelicans' best player for stretches. And LeBron's agelessness aside, this season was a multi-faceted disaster for the rest of the Cavs, which - fair or not - kind of hurts his case.

Harden meanwhile has meshed seamlessly with Chris Paul, without giving up an iota of his role as Houston's driving force. His assists and rebound numbers dipped (natural with Paul's arrival and Clint Capela's emergence), but Harden's 31/5/9 line is a monster output, on a sublime .620 TS%.

For those unimpressed by "popcorn stats", he demolished advanced metrics, leading the league in win shares, PER, BPM and USG%, finishing behind only LeBron in VORP.

All this while powering a 66-win juggernaut that did the almost-unthinkable in nabbing the West's #1 seed from Golden State, despite on-the-low not being so healthy themselves.

Reputation nods aside, it was Harden's turn this year, and he made a case that was impossible to ignore.

Regards To: LeBron James, Anthony Davis, Damian Lillard

Offseason Power Rankings Part II: The Half-Steppers

The 2017 NBA Offseason was a chaotic mess of player movement, shifting power dynamics, nefarious rumors, social media beefs and more cap space incineration.

It left many teams and players in a hazy flux; neither clear winners nor losers. Banter's Offseason Power Rankings turns the spotlight on them with Part II: The Half-Steppers.

(Missed Part I? Check it out here.)

655. D'Angelo Russell
Russell got high-profile dumped by the Lakers to kick his summer off, with Magic throwing not-so-thinly veiled shade at him on the way out. Landing on the Nets is a mixed bag of results; with low expectations and great opportunity, but also a rag-tag roster and sudden onus for a breakout year.

638. LeBron James
Though his recent Twitter jabs at "President" Trump have been stand-up displays in needed times, this summer wasn't great overall for King James. Sure he's got plenty of new reinforcements to fill the Kyrie Irving void, but he still endured an ugly breakup with the best teammate he's ever had in Cleveland.

Furthermore, most signs point to LeBron bailing next summer, departing his hometown yet again. There's also been much talk of him moving West, dealing yet another blow to the East's talent pool, which is a decidedly a bad thing.

The only silver lining to a LeBron-Cleveland exodus would be that it isn't humanly possible to do it as poorly as his last one.

614. Memphis Grizzlies
Z-Bo and The Grindfather may be gone, but Memphis enters this season with a wide range of
possible outcomes.

The best of them (if by some miracle Tyreke Evans and Chandler Parsons are both healthy), makes them a likely playoff team. The worst of those short-term - dealing Marc Gasol and tanking - could set Memphis up nicely for next year's draft. Not awful either way, but a large dice roll this season.

587. Charlotte Hornets
Sort of a blah offseason. Malik Monk could be one of the draft's semi-steals at #11, but his union with Kemba Walker might be a tricky one. The Hornets also got Dwight Howard for a pair of socks, but now have to pay him, and run the not-so-small risk of him completely ruining their franchise.

The upside is that the Bulls, Pacers and Hawks are all awful now. Count Charlotte among the favorites to grab one of the empty playoff slots.

545. San Antonio Spurs
Losing Jonathon Simmons was a bit of a kick in the nuts, but snagging Rudy Gay is a plus move for the Spurs. He'll come in handy as a secondary scorer on those ever-more-frequent nights when LaMarcus Aldridge disappears.

A slight loss on the offseason overall, as the West's penthouse is now far more crowded beneath the Warriors, and Houston or OKC may well overtake them as the 2-seed if their superteams mesh.

513. Tony Allen

Gifted us with a hilariously insightful interview at the Basketball Hall of Fame, during which he called out Rudy Gay's role in the birth of the Grit N Grind Grizzlies. On the flipside, his (and Zach Randolph's) exit from Memphis marked #GNG's official passing, as Allen was left on the free agency scrapheap to sign with the floundering Pelicans.

499. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons are still rocking the tenth-highest team payroll, for a roster that might not crack the league's top-20. Their offseason mainly consisted of swapping Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for Avery Bradley, losing Marcus Morris as collateral.

They're still a mostly-gross squad, but should improve if for no other reason than Reggie Jackson can't possibly be as bad as he was last year. Like the Hornets, they're now among the most likely teams to ascend to the East playoffs.

477. Milwaukee Bucks
Though a highly uneventful offseason in Milwaukee, they get another year of growth and continuity for a simply frightening young core. First-round pick DJ Wilson adds to the Bucks' long, athletic and defense-minded stable of talent.

Despite the progress, there's been some ugly subplots to the Bucks' summer, like Jabari Parker's supreme-risk contract dilemma, and murmurs of Giannis Antetokounmpo's departure (already). They'll make strides in the East, but both stakes and expectations will be high. 

458. Washington Wizards
A highly break-even offseason for the Wizards. Slightest of demerit points for being forced into (probably) over-paying Otto Porter.

427. Zach Randolph
The Good: Ended his tenure with the Grizzlies to an ovation of appreciation and an instant number-retiring.

The Bad: Got arrested for weed for like the 40th time.

402. Miami Heat
Retained the key pieces from last season's miracle turnaround, but probably overpaid to do so. Import Kelly Olynyk - despite likely having tilted the outcome of the East semifinals - will have to grow into his contract.

They're now a sure-bet playoff team in the East, but currently have the league's fourth-highest payroll, still owing Chris Bosh $52 million over the next two seasons.

381. Toronto Raptors
Losing Patrick Patterson and PJ Tucker hurts their frontcourt, but the Raptors caught Kyle Lowry exactly where they wanted him, got good value on Serge Ibaka, and shed the DeMarre Carroll mistake. Coming into an offseason of mass uncertainty, that has to be viewed as a mild success for Toronto. 


355. Phoenix Suns
Another team who should benefit heavily from an offseason of youngster development. They also added a coveted draft prospect in Josh Jackson, presenting high value both as a player and trade asset.

While the Suns failed yet again to make a big offseason splash, they were prudent not to just light cap space on fire like so many others, leaving immense financial freedom going forward.

304. Derrick Rose
Say what you want about LeBron's expectations, or (maybe, if Isaiah Thomas' hips don't fall apart) losing his starting spot, Rose got the hell out of New York, a win in itself.

286. Orlando Magic
Another offseason of relative standstill for a team that's spent over a half-decade trying to kickstart their rebuild. Jonathon Isaac is an enticing prospect, but only complicates their current confusion about which position Aaron Gordon plays.

Ultimately this summer has to be seen as a win, for finally canning Rob Hennigan after he grossly mismanaged the team's assets and cap space throughout his tenure.

255. Paul George

Interesting spot for PG13. On one hand, he's gotten out of Indiana, and much like Jimmy Butler won't have to waste his prime with a lost franchise any longer. His new squad is much-watch basketball that will heavily shake the Western power balance.

Much unlike Butler, he's landed in a highly-combustible short-term situation. He'll likely have to bend the most within OKC's new supersystem, while also implicitly setting himself up as a scapegoat for the league's small market sympathy if he does in fact bolt for L.A.

232. Danilo Gallinari
At least he got the order of operations right: sign lucrative new deal, then break your hand punching a guy.

209. Portland Trail Blazers
Dumping Allen Crabbe's monstrosity of a contract was a mild blessing for Portland, who could now possibly duck the luxury tax this year.

They also nailed their biggest need - a defensive big man - by drafting Zach Collins, whom you might remember from snuffing everything that came near him during Gonzaga's NCAA Final run last March.

185. Russell Westbrook
Now supplemented with Carmelo Anthony and Paul George, Westbrook won't have to do everything for the Thunder anymore, and will be competing with the NBA's best teams again. That said, you know deep down that Russ had more fun doing everything - averaging and triple-double and winning MVP - than any other time in his life.

164. Sacramento Kings
Year 1 AB (Anno Boogie) is off to a not-awful start. They landed what could turn out to be the best draft haul of any team, while adding George Hill at good value, stymie De'Aaron Fox as he may. The Kings also raided Memphis' veteran fire sale for Vince Carter and Zach Randolph, adding two still-functional veterans who've seen just about everything in the NBA (except a championship parade).

136. Dwane Casey
Somehow managed to not get fired for the like fifteenth consecutive summer. Will probably be a hot-seat candidate for the like sixteenth consecutive season.

114. Kyrie Irving
Got his wish for a trade granted swiftly by the Cavs, who shipped them to their only potential East rival, immediately adding immense revenge appeal to their matchups. He's now The Man, and can flaunt his desired ability to lead a winning team.

Of course, with that potential comes the possibility it all falls flat and Kyrie doesn't lift the Celtics to the next level. Questions abound about his defense, playmaking and leadership ability; whether he's truly better off without LeBron is heavily debatable.

Much will be made of the price the Celtics paid for him, and the spotlight is now very much in his eyes.

Stay tuned for Part III: The Top 100, coming soon...

Time Capsule 2017

Back in 2014, I did a piece called the Time Capsule, condensing the NBA season into its most significant or generally awesome moments, and tossing artifacts that represent them in a hypothetical stash for posterity and/or space invaders.

It was one of my favorite compilations to write, touching on the great (KD's MVP season, Adam Silver's debut), the not-so-great (the Dunk Contest), the hilariously bad (Josh Smith's shot selection), and the ominous (Cleveland lucking out a 1.7% chance at the #1 pick, which they would soon flip for Kevin Love).

So after an inexplicable two-year hiatus, the Time Capsule makes its triumphant return for 2017; the things to truly remember from this NBA season:

- Box Scores from Russell Westbrook's 42 Triple-Doubles
The notion of a player actually averaging a triple-double for an entire season seemed too outlandish in today's NBA. Sure, Oscar Robertson was able to do it 55 years ago, but in a vastly different league. Not only were defenses archaic, but opposition painfully less athletic. The whole league also played like it was on meth: the average team possessions per game was 96.4 this season, vs. 126.2 in 1962.

No longer facing complaints about passing to Kevin Durant, Westbrook took it upon himself to generate new complaints about passing to anyone at all. Along the way, his incessant stat-hoarding buoyed one of the NBA's shallowest rosters to a playoff spot, and just might, if narratives are any indication (and they definitely are), win him the MVP.

Whether you applaud or abhor his style, Westbrook made history this year, his compelling chase adding season-long excitement and awe.

- Sam Hinkie's Resignation Letter
Although over a year old, Hinkie's legendary farewell opus to #TheProcess resonated deeply this season, albeit posthumously.

The Sixers made strides as an organization for the first time in four years, and have nabbed in Joel Embiid - if good health prevails - exactly the franchise player Hinkie pined for. Next year they'll add Ben Simmons and the third pick in a loaded draft to their core.

It was a painful couple of years for Philly fans, but in a league where so few teams have reason to be hopeful, Hinkie martyred himself for their current salvation. Enjoy Bryan Colangelo.

- Mike D'Antoni's Razor & James Harden's Beard Trimmer
Sans his legendary mustache, Mike D'Antoni joined forces with another form of famous facial hair to spawn the surprise of the NBA season. Many felt that Steve Nash could never be topped as a D'Antoni muse, but James Harden swiftly curbed popular opinion.

While The Beard's confusing disappearing act/quaalude trip in the season's deciding game looms ominously, Houston spent several months as the talk of the NBA, mostly because of these guys.

- Adrian Wojnarowski`s ESPN Contract

- Game-Worn Shoes From Devin Booker`s 70-Point Outing

- One-Way Plane Ticket, New York to Chicago, Dated Jan 9 2017
In one of recent memory's most mystifying incidents, Derrick Rose just up and bounced from the Knicks one day, and didn't bother to really tell anyone. This became problematic for New York when they showed up to that night's game both without a starting point guard, and an explanation as to why. Obviously this could only happen to the Knicks.

Rose returned the next day, but his bizarre bail job was one of the many usual sideshows marring what was already an appalling basketball season in NYC.

- Bust of Phil Jackson with his Foot Firmly Inserted in his Mouth
It was a tough year for Phil. Not only did he face the stern reality that his basketball team still sucks, but made more verbal mis-steps than anyone not named LaVar Ball.

Building a strong case as an increasingly senile jackass, Jackson dropped tomes ranging from counter-productive to outright inappropriate, with an arrogance not befitting of his current circumstance.

- Charles Oakley's Tickets to Feb 8 Clippers @ Knicks Game
But yet still, the lowest point of the Knicks' season came when a petty beef between their childish owner and a former player - one who is revered by New York City and the NBA community - led to Oakley being mobbed by security, dragged out of MSG, and arrested.

Legions of fans, and players both past and present came out in defense of Oak, while James Dolan's ownership tenure grew another ugly, if not predictable stain.

- Giannis Antetokounmpo Jersey with Last Name Removed 
Before half the league knew how to spell or pronounce this kid's last name, he strode to the level of a one-name star. It's now just "Giannis", get used to hearing it.

- Potato Parcels

- Cupcakes

- One of Craig Sager's Suits 
The most touching part of this season stemmed from a sideline mainstay losing his battle with leukemia. Sager's passing was undeniably tragic, but the outpouring of support from all over the league - throughout his courageous fight and after its end, including an awesome All-Star Weekend contest - was an uplifting tribute to a man of amazing spirit (and questionable fashion). #SagerStrong.

- Zach LaVine and Jabari Parker's ACLs

- Detailed Map of Waiters Island

- Funeral Attire
Back in January, shit popped off between John Wall and Jae Crowder, resulting in an on-court fracas, locker room lockdown, and $40k worth of fines, as well as (directly) the NBA's best new rivalry and (indirectly) the best series of the playoffs.

The Wizards donned all black for their next Celtics meeting, but while winning that game, were ultimately the ones buried in a seven-game bout that stood out for its dramatic swings and pure visceral hatred between these up-and-coming East foes. Word to Kelly Olynyk.

- Stopwatch Frozen at 1 minute, 30 seconds
Because that's how long Klay Thompson held the ball - in 29 minutes of floor time - while dropping 60 on the Pacers. And that's completely fucking incredible.

- Psychiatric Evaluation Report of Vivek Ranadive
It's hard to tell what was more insane: trading DeMarcus Cousins for Buddy Hield (and a pick, whatever), or then claiming Hield has "Steph Curry potential". Dude's got some interesting stuff going on upstairs.

- This Sweater:


- This T-Shirt:



- This Photographer Vest: 


- Isaiah Thomas' Lateral Incisor
A heroic All-NBA season by the 5'9" Thomas was upended when his sister was tragically killed in a car crash mere days before the start of the playoffs. A distasteful debate thus raged across the court of public opinion; every talking head with a soapbox opining as to whether he should play.

Thomas chose to not only play, but to do so loudly enough to silence all of them. After Otto Potter went all Wolf Stansson on him, IT hung 53 points on the Wizards - most in a playoff game in 14 years - on what would have been his sister's 23rd birthday.

- Velociraptor Fossil
Because the asteroid that murked out the dinosaurs struck Toronto in the form of LeBron James.

- An X-Ray of Blake Griffin's Foot

- Jimmy Buss' Baseball Cap

- Chandler Parsons' Contract
"Chancun" looks like a decent gig for a $22 million salary. Speaking of which;

- This Tweet:


- And This One:



- Larry Nance's Crowning of Brook Lopez (and Timofey Mozgov's Reaction)

Among many memorable dunks this season, perhaps none was more vicious than Larry Nance Jr. putting the hapless Brook Lopez underneath the Jordan logo. As if enough bad things hadn't happened to the Nets already.  

Almost as incredible was Timofey Mozgov, who ran away like he'd just witnessed the Independence Day aliens attack or something. It was Mozgov's single most important contribution to the NBA season; slightly steep at $15 million, but at least it was more than Parsons brought to the table.                                                                        

- Tim Duncan's Retired Jersey

- A Pair of Big Baller ZO2s

- The MVP Ballots
This season`s MVP race was an exercise in futility; an attempt to separate the exploits of four players who put up historic campaigns that made this award a total skeet-shoot. Their virtues have been extolled at length, and while Russell Westbrook appears to be the favorite after his late-season push, the trophy going to any of he, Harden, LeBron, or Kawhi Leonard would be an acceptable outcome.

- Gregg Popovich's Pachulia Rant 

- The Skates Steph Curry Lent Rudy Gobert 

- TempurPedic Matress
Resting stars was never more of a hot-button issue than during this year's slog through the 82-game regular season. What was once a Pop Special became adopted league-wide, as coaches sat stars out for a litany of reasons ranging from injury prevention to preservation for the playoffs.

Obviously this drew the ire of league and media alike, especially when "rest games" coincided with the televised contests the NBA was recently paid so much money for. Fans both in the stands and at home were selectively deprived of the game's biggest names, a particular affront to those who'd purchased tickets in advance, expecting LeBron and instead getting Richard Jefferson.

There may not be a clear solution at present, so we can count on this dilemma persisting until a compromise is struck between burnt-out players and fed-up fans.

- This Instagram Post:

- And This One:



- Captain Obvious' Uniform
Hotels.com's wise-cracking spokesman is a pretty accurate embodiment of this season's outcome; one that anybody who wasn't braindead or woefully naive saw coming the second Kevin Durant dropped his Player's Tribune announcement.

The inevitability of a Cavs-Warriors Finals was unfadeable, and Golden State confirmed what many suspected in easily dispatching of LeBron & Co. While Once-King James is sent back to the drawing board, and masses of other teams bide their time, the Warriors seem very much an insurmountable force for the near future.

- Kevin Durant's Finals MVP Trophy
But above all, this should be remembered as Durant's year. For better or worse, he drove the NBA's major plotline this season (as well as many minor ones), and ultimately stood its greatest victor. Adding a championship to his Hall of Fame resume punctuated a dominant Finals, and a season where he made himself the alpha male of arguably the greatest team ever.

While his critics can still harp about the means to his end, the deed has been done. Durant's a champion, and doesn't appear ready to stop with just one. In a league where superstars are measured largely on their ability to win, he's put himself in a historic limelight. If there's one image that will linger and endure from this season, bet on this being it:

Rubber Soul: Cavs-Warriors Part III

So we've finally arrived at a 2017 Finals matchup that was preordained the moment Kevin Durant joined the dark side.

After a quasi-inconsequential regular season, we were treated to the least suspenseful playoffs in recent memory, hurt not only by the obviousness of its destination, but everything from Toronto's indifference to Zaza Pachulia's defensive fundamentals.

We can lament what could've been over the past few months, but instead let's focus on the legendary potential of what's about to unfold in front of us.

To start, we're going to see a Finals rubber match for the first time in history. Never happened. Not even in the multiple epochs of Celtic-Laker rivalries (they've squared off in back-to-back years on four separate occasions). So that's pretty cool, if not slightly redundant.

The perpetual battle has spawned some not-so-awesome sentiment between these teams, which will make for peak intensity, and increased potential for hilarious animosity-fueled antics (especially when the likes of JR Smith and Javale McGee are involved).

This epic rivalry should also inspire great basketball porn from two simply remarkable teams. The symphony of offensive destruction - orchestrated by likely the NBA's three biggest superstars - should be a classic.

So let's get the obvious out of the way first: YES the Cavaliers do have a chance in this series, just not an incredibly good one.

Golden State completely decimated the West bracket, sporting not only a flawless record, but the highest point differential in playoff history; they certainly look unbeatable. That said, who could've realistically challenged them? The Blazers were a .500 team (#blowoutfodder). The Jazz were (obviously) below full-strength and couldn't have hoped to score with GSW. The Spurs became the first team ever to lose a playoff series while being up 23 in Game 1. The Warriors have been tested very poorly thus far.

The Cavs pose the first serious threat that Golden State has seen all season. After cruising through their schedule like an Easy Rider scene, they'll get their first taste of Fury Road, though it's unclear just how rough things will get for them.

We know that theoretically Golden State should be heavily favored. After all, they likely could've won the title last year if Draymond Green didn't bag-tag LeBron, but still added the NBA's 2nd-best player anyway. Instead of examine what the Warriors need to do to win (show up, play basketball, don't get injured or suspended), let's look at what factors might help the Cavs pull this off:



Defend the Land

The big question obviously is whether the Cavs' defense - which looked suspect for large chunks of this season - can withstand perhaps the best offensive team ever. At first glance it seems like a hard "no", but Cleveland has a few cards to play here.

First off is LeBron; a mirror-image of Draymond Green in his ability to matchup with virtually anyone defensively, and snuff a variety of attacks. They'll be getting Bron's 100% effort on D for likely the first time all year, which could have an immense impact.

Liable defenders Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love have both visibly raised their effectiveness vs. Golden State. Tristan Thompson is also a great insurance policy against the Death Lineup; a rim protector who can switch on pick & rolls, and close out on perimeter players among the best bigs in the league. Steph Curry will not be doing this to him.

Last June, Cleveland did a stellar job of closing the perceived defensive gap between these teams, holding the Dubs to 99.9ppg, while posting similar turnover%, true shooting% and d-rating. That will prove tougher this year, but to suggest the Cavs won't improve their D for this series could be dubious.

Pray for Klay to Stay Down
Also decent news for the Cavs' D is that Klay Thompson is mired in one of the worst offensive stretches of his career. Thompson averaged 22.3 ppg on .468 from the field this season. Last year's playoffs saw him post 24.3 on .444. This postseason, those numbers have plummeted to 14.4 on .383. You certainly can't be leaving him - he can erupt at a moment's notice - but against an attack where Curry and Durant have to be your focus, not having Klay On Fire punish slow rotations is a huge advantage. An off game or two from Thompson could be costly enough.

Test Iguodala
Containing LeBron James is a very relative term, and it's not a great sign for the Warriors that their main means of guarding him is dealing with a bum knee. Not only will a hobbled or absent Andre Iguodala stretch the Warriors that much thinner on D, but will force either Durant or Green to spend the bulk of their minutes on James, burning max effort and potentially risking foul trouble.

Iggy says his knee is "good" (really, what else would he say?) but he'll need to be at his best vs what has all the makings of an apex LeBron performance. Having LBJ attacking his lateral movement (more drives, fewer 3s) could expose weakness and force the Dubs to adjust.

Win the Grit N Grind Battle

One of the biggest keys to Cleveland's win last year was exerting both a physical and mental edge on the suddenly-shook Warriors. The Cavs were running Curry into pick-and-rolls on every possible possession; throwing him into hard screens and physical switches. They were waxing glass with an added nastiness, bodying perimeter movement, and - most valuably - getting inside the heads of their best opponents.

Granted Curry isn't hurt this year, but the same beat-em-up grind can take him off his game. Draymond Green is every bit the same liability if provoked. Zaza Pachulia's thuggish antics will be under the tightest of scrutiny. And the Warriors - even with their pristine playoff record - come into this series still wrestling with demons of the 3-1 collapse, and LeBron quite literally testing them by himself in 2015. Saying they're vulnerable mentally isn't really an overstatement.

Let Mike Brown Live
While coaching the Warriors is more or less cruise control, there's no doubt that they'll miss Steve Kerr, from whom Mike Brown is a reasonable downgrade on the bench. While the Warriors' D - Brown's specialty - will be their main edge in this series, he scores demerits in almost every other key attribute, from in-game adjustments to offensive creativity and motivational appeal. There's a reason why he flamed out in three consecutive head coaching gigs of sharply decreasing length.

A contested playoff series is an on-the-fly battle of wits between coaches, and thus far there's been no example of how Brown responds if this team is threatened. The Finals aren't exactly the time to be figuring those things out, perhaps the only downside of their total blitzkrieg in the West.

Beat the Warriors at Their Own Game
Any team that hopes to beat Golden State over seven games had better be packing heavy artillery, having to out-gun a team that's averaging a ridiculous 118ppg. Their numbers are vaulted slightly by their massacre of the Kawhi-less Spurs: 124.5ppg on .538 and .406 from three. Perhaps the greatest testament to Kawhi's defensive value, the league's #1 D was gruesomely flayed without him.

Meanwhile, the Cavs played the Celtics largely without their worst defender, facing a tough matchup and still dropping 120ppg on .534 and .436. For the Playoffs, they're averaging only 1.5ppg fewer than the Warriors, arguably against tougher overall defense (GSW got complete walks vs the D of 2/3 opponents thus far), while shooting an outrageous 43.5% from long range, hitting 2.5 more per game than the Warriors. They can put numbers on the board in a hurry.

It was long posited that Golden State couldn't be beaten in a shootout series. But the Cavs, having finally flipped "The Switch", look ready to challenge that notion.

Have a LeBron Moment

Much as the Warriors have an array potential gamebreaking stars, the Cavs have LeBron. He's the one human capable of dominating a basketball game in more ways than anyone in history. He's playing some of the best ball of his career right now. And the once-mocked possibility of being mentioned as the G.O.A.T is very much in play for him.

The crescendo towards this series suggests, both in narrative and basketball precedent, that we're about to witness LeBron's piece de résistance. Not only has he never faced greater motivation than to crush the Warriors in this fabled grudge match and enter the Jordan debate, but LeBron has a lengthy history of exceeding big expectations.

Excluding the 2011 Finals - which any rational person can accept as an outlier that will never repeat itself - King James has managed to rise beyond pretty much every occasion, and this shouldn't be any exception.

While there are a number of catalysts for Cleveland to pull off four wins, several of them will likely have to happen at once for the Cavs to prevail. Golden State has an on-paper edge on both sides of the ball, only one of which can really be overcome. Cleveland cracked Boston's rotation-heavy pressure, but the Warriors are longer, better built to stop LeBron, and will have Draymond at peak badass. This team also has another level to attain offensively if Klay Thompson wakes up, at which point the rain might be too much.

It's frustrating that the Warriors are likely going to be validated for concocting a team so unfairly. Golden State benefitted from extremely good fortune on numerous counts, the Durant signing seemingly so flukey and greasy that the league immediately introduced measures to prevent it from happening again. Still, the Warriors pulled it off, and will carve their own niche in the NBA's annals. They'll either be remembered among the greatest teams ever, or as the team LeBron beat to become perhaps the greatest player ever. The stakes could not be higher.

If this series ran 100 times, the Cavs project to win roughly 25-28 of them (based on an advanced algorithmic system that exists only as a front for me just guessing).

Over one series? WARRIORS IN SIX. 

Cleveland and Golden State - Too Good for Their Own Good?

So the NBA playoffs have kind of sucked this year.

Sure there have been some isolated examples of great basketball, but not only has the sense of a Cavs-Warriors inevitability tarnished the overall suspense of this spectacle, many of the individual series have been washes that were hardly ever in doubt.

Cleveland and Golden State's collision course has been about as smooth as possible. The Dubs haven't lost a game yet, while the Cavs hadn't either until Sunday night's outlying Celts comeback. Even that lone loss appears like a glitch, since Boston was without their best player, and down 16 at the half to a team that had spent the past six games beating them and Toronto more savagely than Michael's stepdad in The Wire.

Even the opportunities for intrigue have been sabotaged. As I write this, the Warriors are completing a sweep of the Spurs, one engineered largely in part by a probably-intentional attempt on Kawhi Leonard's weak ankle while the Spurs were up 23 in Game 1. The Bulls seemed to have an 8-1 upset en route vs Boston, then lost #PlayoffRondo along with the next four games. James Harden legitimately appeared to have dropped acid before the most important game of his best season. The only upset we've seen was entirely probable after Blake Griffin (obviously) went down vs the Jazz.

The playoffs have never been so uninvolving. I've voluntarily missed several conference finals games, which says something considering I take in mid-January Bucks-Bobcats games and spend more time with the TNT crew than I do with my family on Christmas. I'm sure a decent portion of the population feels the same - certainly a fair number of dedicated viewers I know - and have tuned out. This can't be a great look for the league, especially in the first year of the new TV deal that lined their checkbooks so excessively last summer.

Much has been made of this predestined dominance being harmful long-term; that competitive parity is damaged and indicative of a trend in the wrong direction. Despite the short-term monotony, I'm not feeling as gloomy about the outlook NBA fans should have, for a number of reasons:

The Finals Haven't Even Happened Yet
First, most of this can be forgiven if the Cavs and Warriors deliver a Finals anywhere even near as epic as 2016's down-to-the-last-second clash. Years from now, maybe we'll look back on the historical significance of this heated matchup trilogy. And if the Cavs somehow pull off a victory, as sacrilegious as it sounds, we're going to have to start realistically talking about LeBron James being the GOAT (sorry, not the only one saying it). We could still witness both history and amazing basketball.

The Warriors Are an Evolutionary Fluke
OK, so the Golden State Warriors are kind of ridiculous. Sure they play an aesthetically pleasant, statistic-obliterating form of basketball, but they seem almost unfairly stacked with talent. Because they are. Consider the catalysts that had to align for this team to materialize:

First, they signed Steph Curry to a long-term deal back when he was a fringe star with glass ankles. Not only has his health since improved considerably, but he's evolved into a two-time MVP. He was the NBA's 73rd-highest paid player this year. John Henson, DeMarre Carroll and Brandon Knight cost their teams more money. Think about that for a few minutes.

Then they had a second-round pick turn into an All-NBA player basically overnight, making Draymond Green one of history's biggest draft steals. Not exactly par for the course.

And obviously this past summer, league payrolls skyrocketed due to a cash influx from a new TV deal. Since the previous deal was struck, basketball's popularity has grown more globally than likely any sport in history over such a short span, creating a spike in revenue - and thus salaries - that had literally never been seen in pro sports. That wild outlier gave the Warriors enough cap space to sign Kevin Fucking Durant, comparatively giving up pennies.

An NBA team would be ridiculously lucky to have any one of those things happen to them; all three is basically a Powerball win.

The Cavs Kind of Are Too
There are a few factors at play here as well. One is obviously that the Cavs employ, in his prime, a guy who by most calculations is one of the two best basketball players ever.

The second are the measures a team is willing/able to make to maximize said player's prime. The Cavs can justify heavy luxury tax when LeBron can guarantee them an annual Finals appearance, while getting commitment from both high-value assets like Kevin Love, and discounted veterans seeking a ring.  LeBron is not only an otherworldly talent, but one who's perpetually lifted the play of those around him; his allure as a teammate is arguably unmatched since Bill Russell.

Also, mere weeks before LeReturn, the Cavs pulled one of the biggest Draft Lottery heists in history, not only binking a #1 pick they had a 1.7% chance at, but then flipping it for Kevin Love. How many times in NBA history has a team - already with an All-Star - added the league's best player plus a third All-Star in one month for absolutely nothing?

What Lies Beneath
It's not like the rest of the NBA is completely lost. While playoff stalwarts like the Clippers and Grizzlies are at an awkward crossroads, plenty of franchises have bright visions for the future after this historic rivalry plays out.

The recently-eliminated Wizards have a young star-studded backcourt and the NBA's best center openly talking about joining them. The Raptors have assets & youth to re-tool while staying competitive, something the Celtics are already doing patiently. The Bucks have a great young core and a future MVP. The Jazz will be an emerging threat if they keep Gordon Hayward. The Spurs will be OK because, well, they're the Spurs. Even a franchise like the Sixers could be excited if Joel Embiid wasn't such a massive injury risk, and Bryan Colangelo wasn't running their team.

There's plenty of competition and parity waiting in the wings, some intentionally delaying their rise to outlast the peaks of the seemingly-unbeatable Warriors and Cavs. When their icy grip on supremacy inevitably melts, the water underneath is far from settled.

Superteams Are Nothing New
And while two teams dominating the league this thoroughly is something we've yet to see, the concept of teams being this stacked with talent dates all the way back to the Lakers of the late 60s when Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor and Jerry West - three of the consensus 15 best players ever - shared a locker room. Since that time (and really before it too), most championship teams have been similarly loaded with Hall-of-Famers in or close to their primes:

-'70 & '73 Knicks: Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, Dave DeBusschere
-'70s Celtics: John Havlicek, Dave Cowens, Jo Jo White
- 80's Celtics: Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson
- Showtime Lakers: Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy
- Bad Boys Pistons: Isiah Thomas, Joe Dumars, Dennis Rodman
- 90s Bulls: Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman
- Popovich Spurs: Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili/Kawhi Leonard/David Robinson
- Ubuntu Celtics: Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen
- Banana Boat Heat: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh
- 2015 Warriors: Steph Curry, Draymond Green, (likely) Klay Thompson
- 2016 Cavs: LeBron James, (likely) Kyrie Irving & Kevin Love

Counting whoever wins in 2017, these teams will have combined for 30 of the 50 NBA titles since the Celtics reeled off eight straight. An additional nine ('06 Heat, '00-'02 Lakers, '91-'93 Bulls, '83 Sixers and '71 Bucks) saw two Top-50 all-time players join forces at or near the height of their powers. Simply put, basketball is a star-driven sport, and the vast majority of title winners have had to top-load their rosters accordingly. That the Warriors and Cavs have had to up the ante under highly anomalous circumstances shouldn't be cause for long-term concern.

LeBron won't be this good forever, nor will the Warriors - or any franchise - be able to pay for such a team much longer. The lack of suspense plaguing this year's playoffs hurts now no doubt, but should hardly be seen as a threat to the NBA's burgeoning global dominance.

Yes, in a two-month vacuum, Golden State and Cleveland have likely had a detrimental effect on the NBA's overall appeal. But with eyes on the big picture - once variance rights parity from this schism askew - this stretch of painfully predictable basketball will seem like a harmless blemish.

Banter's 2017 NBA All-Star Starters

I usually spend this opening paragraph rattling off some semi-cliché rant about the bastardization of the All-Star selection process, tainted by the competency of the average voter (which seems to be a common issue these days).

But just as the situation reached peak popularity contest and Zaza Fucking Pachulia was about to start in an actual NBA All-Star Game, the Adam Silver Innovation Wave washed over, giving me slightly less to worry about.

Half of the voting is now comprised of ballots from the media and players, who while capable of dubiousness themselves, are generally far more sane and educated than NBA Fan X. This adjustment may just push us past the days of the Yao Ming Exception, much like the elimination of the center position on the ballot delivered us from Jamal Magloire.

The system still isn't perfect - a guy averaging a triple-double apparently isn't starter-worthy - but it's absolutely a step in the right direction. A title that will eventually help shape a player's legacy (and in some cases be used as a Hall of Fame yardstick) deserves as much respect.

With the voting in safer hands, the competition for All-Star spots has fallen into a predictable pattern this year; a facile cakewalk in the East and an absolute bloodbath out West. Who's shone brightest so far? Here are the most deserving participants, beginning with the Starters:

EAST STARTERS

G - KYLE LOWRY, TORONTO RAPTORS
Even though the Celtics are only just now finding healthy legs, the Raptors have held

court as the East's 2nd-best team, led by Lowry's sublimely efficient scoring/playmaking, and bulldog defense. Scoring a career-high 22ppg on a completely incredulous .589 eFG% (ninth in the NBA and tops among all guards), Lowry's a staple in all of the Raptors' best lineups, leading a historically-great offense. His dominance is so consistent that one of the NBA's deadliest lineups this year - simply called "Lowry + Bench", features him and four Raptors reserves.

Some misled pundits and fans have attributed Toronto's offensive ascent to Demar DeRozan's scoring spree, slotting him as a backcourt starter. But both the eye test and RPM (where Lowry sits second league-wide, to DeRozan's 114th) suggest Lowry's all-around superiority, and true vitality in the Raptors' success.


G - ISAIAH THOMAS, BOSTON CELTICS
Lowry isn't the only East guard on a torrid offensive streak. Thomas is currently dropping 28.7ppg on .537 eFG%, which is great for any guard, and outright absurd for one who's 5'9". Thomas has become a fearless neo-Iverson, only smaller and more efficient. His whirlwind attacks of the hoop keep defenses constantly guessing, and powered the Celtics through a slew of early key injuries.

Thomas may be a bit of a one-way player, but it's tough to blame a guy for defensive shortcomings (get it) when any player he faces can easily outreach or shoot over him. I'd prefer to focus on his league-leading fourth-quarter scoring, on a team currently ranked fifth in close-game win %. Thomas is a flat-out killer.

While John Wall's been sublime this season, the Wizards started off pitifully, and only recently broke the .500 barrier. Thomas has led a better, injury-hampered team all season, giving him the edge in a close race.

F - JIMMY BUTLER, CHICAGO BULLS

Things are kind of going to shit in Chicago, now that their early 3-point charade has been exposed, and the Rajon Rondo Experience has hit worst-case-scenario. While the Bulls franchise implodes around him, Butler's been his ever-stellar self; a top-tier player on both sides of the ball with an underrated killer instinct.

Despite ball-stopping and lane clogging from Wade and (before his benching) Rondo, Butler's boosted his scoring by 19% to a career-high 24.8, getting to the line far more (9.7 FTA vs 7.1 last year) and hitting a career-best .866 while there. He's also posted a noticeable career-best in rebounds, while matching his best assist numbers, doing so with peak efficiency - his 25.9 PER is good for 10th overall.

The Bulls owe Butler a great debt for being anywhere near the playoffs right now (he's third in the league in win shares; mildly anomalous on a sub-.500 team). With justice it will come in the form of better surroundings, whether in Chicago or elsewhere.

F - LEBRON JAMES, CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

LeBron's write-up for an East starting spot might be the most trite, useless words I wrangle together on a yearly basis. You know why he's here, and that he has to be, and that him starting in this game has become as much an annual certainty as taxes, Christmas, and DeMarcus Cousins trade rumors.

But just so he's not taken completely for granted, let the record show Bron has resurrected his 3-point shot (.375 on 4.8 attempts vs .309 on 3.7 last year), while tying his career high rebs+assts in his 14th season.

F - GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO, MILWAUKEE BUCKS

This escalated quickly. Most of us knew to brace ourselves for more exponential improvement from the Greek Freak, but he's unleashing an extinction-level event upon the NBA. He's lifted the Bucks to improbable status as a likely playoff team, while leading them in points, rebounds, assists, blocks, steals and field goal%. If you think that's impressive, he's also threatening to be the first player to Top-20 all those categories since nobody. Ever.

We're witnessing a revolution, it is televised (if you have League Pass or live in Wisconsin), and it literally defies adjectives. Antetokounmpo does things we've never seen before, with gazelle-like grace and Stretch Armstrong-like elasticity. He's already a historically versatile force, sits 2nd in the NBA in PER, has arguably been the East's best player so far, and - here's the fun part - is 22 years old.


WEST STARTERS

G - RUSSELL WESTBROOK, OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER

There's really only so much that needs to be said here beyond "He's averaging a triple-double", but I'll entertain the explanation:

Westbrook's not only on a shocking course to contest one of sports' most untouchable records, but he's doing so as the league's leading scorer, on a team that's a mortal lock for the playoffs. Westbrook is the Thunder as they weather Kevin Durant's departure, on pace to shatter the NBA's single-season usage rate record. His offensive RPM is bested only by James Harden, while sitting fifth in overall RPM.

What he lacks in efficiency, Westbrook more than makes up for in pure omnipresence, even amid a constant defensive swarm as his team's only major threat. Bound by laws of physics and energy unfamiliar to us mere mortals, he's a thrill to watch, and a total nightmare to try and contain.

G - JAMES HARDEN, HOUSTON ROCKETS

While Harden was already essentially a point guard (and MVP candidate), his insertion into the Mike D'Antoni Stat Steroid System has produced some incredible results. The Beard is accounting for the most offense of anyone in the NBA, scoring just under 29/game while dishing a (by far) league-leading 11.7 dimes.

Pick on his defense if you will (at least he's starting to show signs), but Houston isn't about D; they're openly bad at it. They're just going to outscore you, and so far they've done it far beyond anyone's expectations, as the 3-seed out West, once projected as low-rung playoff fodder at best.

Moreyball found its apex coach, and surrounded Harden with a bounty of elite shooters - he's taken full advantage.

F - KEVIN DURANT, GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS

It takes a pretty darn good player to walk into a whirlwind offensive juggernaut like the Golden State Warriors, and firmly commandeer it from the two-time reigning MVP.

Durant has done just that, relegating Steph Curry's role with a sublime offensive display. Aside from performing his most efficient scoring masterpiece yet, Durant's elevated his D to arguable All-Defense contention, finally tapping into the disruption his length allows him to cause on that end.

The Warriors have undoubtedly had a couple hiccups; every alignment of superstars does while they feel each other out. But they're still the NBA's best team, and Durant's their best player, so he has to be here.

F - KAWHI LEONARD, SAN ANTONIO SPURS

It's sickening how consistent the Spurs are. In what's very much a transition season for them - as much as transition exists in San Antonio - they're still motoring along exactly where they should be; slightly behind Golden State and slightly ahead of everyone else.

Leonard, as expected, has taken on a greater offensive load, while posting an elite 28.35 PER (good for third overall), and providing the same peerless defense. Leonard's defensive RPM has taken a hit (down to a pedestrian .99 - by far a career-low) because he now shares the court with several minus defenders instead of Tim Duncan, but he still manages to post a top-10 6.22 RPM overall.

Leonard's come along steadily; gradually evolving each season to a new level of beast. He's the NBA's two-way zenith, and enough reason in himself for Pop to keep coaching in the AD (anno Duncan).

F - MARC GASOL, MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES
I tried my damndest to give this spot to Anthony Davis. The Brow's put up a superlative season so far, but ultimately the Pelicans just suck a little too much.

While Gasol might seem like a homer pick by a Grizzlies fan, he's got a ton working in his favor. Memphis is sixth in the West; somewhere they have absolutely no business being, given they lost Mike Conley for 12 games, have hardly seen Chandler Parsons, and sport a new coach with a rag-tag supporting cast that was wholly unproven prior to this year.

Heaps of credit have to go to Gasol; beyond his usual all-around beastery, he's extended his range on offense, giving the Grizz the spacing they need to adapt and survive in the modern NBA. He operates outside his traditional comfort zone, moonlighting as both perimeter gunner and playmaker. The ensuing space allows Zach Randolph to operate in the post undeterred, opens cutting lanes for Tony Allen, and gives Memphis' youngsters plenty of room to breathe.

He's also been a cold-hearted murderer down the stretch in a litany of close Memphis wins, coming up with huge plays on both sides of the ball, and nailing numerous game-winners. His stats don't jump off the page like Davis', but he's as well-rounded as elite centers come, and has done as much through adjustments and clutch performances to help his team as anyone in the league this year.

Stay tuned for the reserves, coming next week! 

Offseason Power Rankings

They came. They saw. They spent.

The 2016 offseason will be remembered for two things:

First, obviously, Kevin Durant joining the Golden State Warriors. Second, and more notably, the floodgates of TV money opening up and unleashing a Biblical wave of contract bloating upon the 2016 free agency class.

Plenty happened this summer, but those dominant themes shook the NBA to its core, rippling far in a summer of transition for an abnormal number of franchises (as you're about to see).

With hundreds of players, teams, moments and metaphysical concepts adrift in the aftermath, there's plenty to sort out. To help keep track of who got the best and worst of things this summer, here are Banter's 2016 Offseason Power Rankings:

Last. Hack-A-Shaq

Second-Last. The BasedGod Curse

Third-Last. North Carolina's All-Star Game Hosting Privileges

704. Brooklyn Nets

When it rains it pours. So soon after they forfeited draft picks for aging veterans, the Nets are awful, unable to rebuild, and attempting to incinerate money in a desperate dash for the Salary Floor. Fully expect them to assume Philly's spot as the NBA's Worst Team.

699. Dion Waiters

685. Vivek Ranadive's Q Rating

662. Oklahoma City Thunder
The Russell Westbrook re-up was significant, and the Ibaka trade was a nice scoop for a player becoming less relevant to the Thunder's success.

But examining OKC's offseason in any other context than "they just lost Kevin Durant for nothing", is kinda missing the forest for the trees.

650. Miami Heat
Gone are Joe Johnson, Luol Deng, and franchise icon Dwyane Wade. In their place are Wayne Ellington, Luke Babbitt and the immortal Dion Waiters. With Chris Bosh's career also in the balance, the Heat are inches away from a total rebuild, while matching one of the summer's most preposterous contract offers.

628. Dave Joerger
Jeorger bolted Memphis after a remarkable performance last year, amid a perhaps-legit beef with upper management. With suitors lined up around the league, he thus promptly committed to the franchise where he's far-and-away most likely to encounter perhaps-legit beef with upper management.

619. Washington Wizards

618. John Wall's Career Arc
As recently as 10 months ago, John Wall was one of the NBA's can't-miss up-and-comers, piloting the East's 'Team to Watch'. The rudderless Wizards have since missed the playoffs, hired Scott Brooks, signed Markieff Morris, and maxed-out one of the most oft-injured players in the league; none of which bode well for Wall returning them to relevancy.

601. Thon Maker 
Got drafted at least 15 spots too high; nobody knows how old he is. Sounds safe.

590. Jeremy Lin 

584. Dwight Howard
After leaving yet another city in a blazing shitstorm of acrimony, Howard lands in his hometown with Al Horford's big shoes to fill and a growing body of evidence suggesting he's fallen off significantly.

With the now-rhetorical questions about his character and desire to win still lingering, the ATL cookin' could be exactly what man-child D12 needs. But if history and circumstance are any indicator, he's just setting himself up for the most painful disappointment yet.

568. My Views on "Make Your Own Dream Team" Memes

541. Milwaukee Bucks
They made a dementia-suggesting draft reach for a guy who may or may not be like 40 years old, and largely whiffed on the shooting their offense badly needs. Unless Mirza Teletovic is somehow the key, this could be another long season in Wisconsin. At least they have Giannis.

526. Atlanta Hawks

499. Chicago Bulls
Mildly unclear what's going on here. Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo are two "name players" that will take the ball out of Jimmy Butler's hands (generally a bad thing) and clog any lineup without a Mirotic/McBuckets forward combo to spread the floor. Sorta defeats the purpose of the Derrick Rose trade.

465. Dallas Mavericks
Whiffed on all their major free agency targets and had to resort to massively overpaying Harrison Barnes. On the bright side, they salvaged Andrew Bogut and faded Dirk's retirement, but still not exactly a win for the Mavs.

443. Charlotte Hornets

411. New Orleans Pelicans

387. Detroit Pistons
BOBAN!! Relevant side-note: The Pistons are currently the second-highest-paid roster in the league at $116 million committed next year.

350. Toronto Raptors
Getting priced out of the Bismack Biyombo sweepstakes was a painful inevitability for the Raptors, one they tried to remedy by drafting a guy who apparently can't dunk in the lottery. Biz was one of the NBA's more underrated players before his postseason explosion, and a big hole to patch in their defense.

The DeRozan re-signing is a strong indicator for the Raps (and Canadian basketball in general). Despite Demar's sickening inconsistency in the playoffs, it keeps them competitive. Coming off a summer with some of the World's best coaches on Team USA certainly doesn't hurt him either.

Jared Sullinger gives Toronto a far more competent option than Luis Scola at the four, but combine the Biyombo loss with direct competition improving markedly, and The North will likely have a tougher run at an East Finals repeat.

322. New York Knicks

The Knicks' offseason has been much-trumpeted in many realms of the Internet, but for me it's mainly a wash. Cast into Win-Now Mode by Melo's ticking clock, they've dumped a whole lot of money and hope into two guys - Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah - who've each been paltry shells of their past selves for at least two years. In Rose, they've inherited the only deal signed in 2012 that could possibly suck under the current cap.

D-Rose and Melo's ball-dominance will be an interesting mesh, and even a fully healthy season from Rose and/or Noah would be a mild surprise. Courtney Lee is a good two-way guard and Brandon Jennings will give life to an offense-dormant 2nd unit, but the Knicks' likely fate is still a bottom-tier playoff team. A total sophomore explosion from the Porzingod might be their best chance at a real leap.

302. San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan's absence will be a strange concept to absorb; he was the San Antonio Spurs (at least on-court; #Pop) for damn near two decades. There are far worse replacements than Pau Gasol, but the Spurs' bid for West supremacy got dealt a pretty severe blow by a certain free agent. Leading us to...

270. Kevin Durant's Legacy

So as you may or may not have heard, Kevin Durant joined the Golden State Warriors this summer in a decision that loomed above the NBA for months and still shocked everyone out of sheer magnitude. It also created a vicious dichotomy for KD in the Court of Public Opinion; dividing those who harp he took the easy way out, and those who insist he made the best choice for his "legacy".

The reality to a large degree is that Durant did both.

He's put himself in remarkably good position to win multiple titles, and though he's unlikely to snag another MVP, he's right to act in the interest of rings if he wants to be remembered among the all-time greats. And he absolutely does.

Durant saw first hand just how difficult winning a title in a small market is. OKC struck a series of jackpot draft picks unlike any team in recent memory, and still, year after year, ran into either an untimely injury or a historic team. He's hedged his bets accordingly.

But in the process he's set professional basketball in Oklahoma City back a good decade. He's not only leaving a proud franchise he basically birthed from an ugly Seattle exit, but doing so after they came within God inheriting Klay Thompson's body of making the Finals. For the team that beat them.

He's sealed his Thunder's fate among the NBA's all-time 'What If' teams, and probably created a greater philosophical inquiry of his (likely) rings than anyone before him.

245. Phoenix Suns

230. Portland Trailblazers

209. Houston Rockets 
Dwight Howard's departure has to be seen as a net plus. Many metrics pointed to the Rockets being better without him last year, and his pseudo-jovial petulance is a detriment to any team's chemistry.

Meanwhile, they picked up a couple former Pelicans who (when healthy) provide great spacing for James Harden's free-throw forays to the paint. Moreyball may have overpaid for Ryan Anderson, but got reasonable value on Eric Gordon, two guys who fit his system well.

184. Draymond Green's Snapchat Account
Became a powerful source of memes, great parodies and Team USA bonding this summer, if only through unwittingly showing his penis to millions of people.

168. Austin Rivers' Contract
While he continues to be given a healthy leash by having dad as both coach and GM, it says a lot about the state of the NBA offseason that Rivers' 3-year/$35 million deal doesn't seem that ridiculous.

145. Los Angeles Lakers 
As the Lakers' heavy rebuild hits Defcon 2 with the clock whittling away on Jimmy Buss, they've overall had a strong few months. LA's Other Team signed good deals (Luol Deng, Jordan Clarkson) and bad ones (Timofey Mozgov, Yi Jianlian for some reason), but overall take a win on the offseason.

Buss is still a dog to hit his lofty deadline, but the Lakers are now freed from Kobe's oppressive contract, and have a player they can possibly build around in Brandon Ingram. They'll have a decent outlook once someone smarter than Jimmy is spending the money.

115. Memphis Grizzlies

Keeping Mike Conley is massive, and speaks to the loyalty bred from the Grizzlies' culture. And also perhaps that Conley's max under the new cap made him (before LeBron's new deal) the highest-paid player ever.

Gasp-worthy as that may be, it was a victory for the Grizzlies (and small-market franchises) that saved them from a total rebuild in Marc Gasol's prime. It also came as a morality boost after a season in which legions of injuries, and concerns about Robert Pera's ownership style haunted #GNG.

But Memphis also doubled-down and maxed-out Chandler Parsons. While the debate about that expenditure's legitimacy is itself legitimate, Memphis is defiantly refusing to quit. Sure they have virtually no chance of winning a title and will max-out as a 3/4-seed, but they're playing it to the bone. They're the anti-tankers; a refreshing sight in today's NBA.

89. Orlando Magic
So their frontcourt's a little crowded. Adding Serge Ibaka and Bismack Biyombo (more on him in a moment) to the Vucevic/Gordon combo gives Orlando considerable size, depth and the rim protection they've sorely lacked the past few seasons.

The question thus becomes whether the trigger-happy Rob Hennigan is just stockpiling assets for another deal, or actually plans on making this seemingly over-sized rotation work.

71. Philadelphia 76ers
Things are finally, kind of, coming to together for #TheProcess - if only Sam Hinkie were still around to see it:

Philly netted the #1 pick, managed to draft a guy who isn't a center, have an apparently-healthy Joel Embiid, and maintained their mountains of cap room. In fact, the Sixers' biggest concern at this point will be hitting the league's $84 million salary floor next year.

Better yet, with the Nets in utter disarray and no means to better themselves, the Sixers can finally be freed of stigmatization as the NBA's resident eyesore.


63. Joel Embiid
Continues to kill social media, and actually appeared on film playing basketball for the first time in several years.

49. Kent Bazemore
Couldn't have found himself in a better spot, hosting his coming out party over the biggest Contract Year in history, at a time when 3-and-D swingmen are a prime asset in a wing-deprived market.

Bazemore made off huge this summer for a guy who enthusiastically warmed the Warriors' bench 20 months ago, no two ways about it. But of the many sketchy contracts free agents were gifted with this summer, his potential to blossom might be the most realistic.

34. John Leuer
I mean sure, what the hell! 4 years, $42 million! Why not!

29. Solomon Hill

26. The Cleveland Cavaliers
They are the champs and everything, but Golden State just made a power move on them unlike any we've ever seen.

25. Pau Gasol
Getting out of Chicago was enough but landing with the Spurs makes Pau a large winner.


24. DeMarcus Cousins' Trade Odds
The writing has to be on the wall here, with Cousins perpetually perturbed, and the Kings acquiring like 50 centers under an owner who can do literally anything.

The issues of Cousins' petulant demeanor are well-chronicled, but the Nuggets should just ante up, re-unite DMC with Mike Malone, and reap the ensuing benefits.

23. Rasheed Wallace
Everyone knew Dame Lillard would spit nice, but the gully bars that Sheed laid down on the #SoFarGoneChallenge (while driving no less) were one of the summer's best videos.

22. Tristan Thompson
For doing maybe the most Canadian thing ever.

21. Carmelo Anthony
While his team's still not competing for that ever-elusive Finals trip, Melo might've on-the-low sealed his Hall of Fame bid this summer as the first man ever to win three Olympic golds in basketball.

20. Joakim Noah
Had the last two years of his career conveniently ignored by the Knicks during contract offers.

19. Ryan Anderson
He'll fit well in Houston, and 4 yrs/$80 million is very generous for a less-than-healthy one-way gunner whose best years are perhaps behind him.

18. Frank Vogel

17. Kris Dunn

16. Indiana Pacers

Lots of people hated the Vogel departure, despite his inconclusive results with Indiana. He presided
over Pacers teams that both massively over and underachieved, with a clear hallmark of stout defense and offensive deficiency. A Larry Bird team could only suck at scoring for so long.

Jeff Teague, Al Jefferson and Thad Young are all offensive upgrades over their predecessors, and Nate McMillian was likely a good fit as a Vogel replacement. Unless the Pacers' defense completely crumbles without George and Solomon Hill, they'll climb the East standings.

15. Chandler Parsons

14. Utah Jazz
One of the offseason's multi-way winners. They finally found a starting point guard in George Hill; one who won't command the ball too much or be Trey Burke. This still-young squad also benefits from a year of experience, continuity, and one can hope better health.

Count circumstance among the Jazz's fortunes too. With the West in heavy flux below the top-3, Utah could make serious strides up the playoff bracket. Quin Snyder for Coach of the Year; you heard it here first.

13. Ian Mahinmi

12. Pre-Existing Kevin Durant Championship Bets

11. The Summer of JR



10. Bismack Biyombo
Five months ago, Bismack Biyombo was a defensive specialist and capable backup, but a limited offensive game had kept him from seeing heavy minutes. He made $3 million last year.

His impact on the Raptors' shaky second-unit defense was one of their brightest spots this season; one that culminated in the most important playoff run they'd ever embarked on. It was there that Jonas Valanciunas was sidelined, and Biyombo vaulted from on-the-low-bench stud to maybe the breakout player of the 2016 Playoffs. His sublime glass-waxing, elite rim protection and impact energy plays were one of the Raptors' few consistent sparks.

While Biz might've already been in line for a slight raise, his value thus skyrocketed - to 4 yrs/$70 million - due to a very timely injury. Biyombo may have just financially benefited more from a teammate's sidelining than any player in history. Hope he's buying Jonas a car or something.

9. Russell Westbrook

While acting in self-interest and getting the most money, Westbrook is now an Oklahoma folk hero for re-upping after Durant bolted. He also has the team to himself now. While his title odds took a massive hit, he can make perhaps the closest run at Oscar Robertson's triple-double-season mark we've seen yet.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves
Sometimes everything just falls into place for a franchise. Take Minnesota, where the often-frail Wolves have landed back-to-back #1 picks, one of whom is a star in the making, the other is already perhaps the single most valuable long-term asset in the NBA.

With the last two Rookies of the Year in tow, the Wolves now have a serious shot at a third with Kris Dunn, making former PG prodigy Ricky Rubio - their highest-paid player - expendable. Minnesota can now potentially clear even more cap space for the future by dealing Pretty Ricky.

Then of course there's the bench upgrade from Sam Mitchell to Tom Thibodeau, which is like replacing a Hungry Man Salisbury Steak with wagyu ribeye. For a team with such young talent, Thibs will be a great source of knowledge, discipline, experience, and most notably - work ethic.

Already League Pass heavyweights, the Wolves only built upon perhaps the league's brightest future.

7. Timofey Mozgov, Allen Crabbe & Tyler Johnson

There will a be an ESPN 30-for-30 made someday about this year's NBA Offseason. About the oceans of money that were set ablaze in a perfect storm of salary influx and a shallow free agency class. Among the deals of particular note that will be highlighted:

Timofey Mozgov, the once-sought low-post brute who regressed all season, eventually falling completely out of the Cavs' rotation. He now makes $16 million/year, or more than any player in the NHL.

Allen Crabbe, the potential breakout 3-and-D wing whom the Nets inked to a restricted 4-year $74 millon script. Portland swallowed the pill and matched. The Blazers now cutting $18.5 million to a backup wing with career averages of 7/2/1 has helped balloon their payroll to a league-high $119 million.

And Tyler Johnson; inconsistent bench guard, also inked by the Nets to a literally vomit-inducing 4-years, $50 million. Unshaken by the Nets' manic spending spree, Pat Riley opened the coffers and matched the back-loaded deal, which gives Johnson a combined $38.5 million over its final two seasons.

Though the potential to redeem these whale contracts exists, these guys are already being paid beyond the apex of their realistic projections. Huge offseason winners.

6. Mike Conley
Much love as I have for Iron Mike, the fact that a 0-time All-Star spent a brief moment as the highest-paid player in NBA history is simply incredible.

5. Boston Celtics
Landing Al Horford was a significant coup for this precocious bunch of scrappers, consolidating their talent and solving their longtime search for a starting center. More significantly, they managed to do it without going over the cap or giving up any of their asset horde, leaving Danny Ainge plenty of ammo to make another blockbuster move. The Celtics are probably already favorites to nab the East's #2 seed.

4. Hassan Whiteside
Was playing in Lebanon two years ago. Just signed a $98 million contract, and could be a franchise cornerstone with the Wade Era now over.


3. LeBron James
LeBron not only got to revel in the spotlight of the greatest Finals performance ever, but gave himself a record contract. The Warriors have dealt a major blow to his Cavs' repeat odds, but this summer was LeBron's Moment in a career littered with so many LeBron Moments.

His career path - "legacy" if you will - isn't hurt that much by the Durant signing either way. If the Warriors beat him in the Finals rubber-match only injury can derail, they had to assemble arguably the greatest team ever to do so. If LeBron somehow emerges from this with another ring though, that's serious G.O.A.T material.

2. Harrison Barnes

I thought the notion of giving Barnes a max deal was incredulous before he came out and projectile vomited all over the Warriors' failed title defense; the kind of gaffe that normally costs a player millions in a contract year.

Mark Cuban knows things about investments that I don't, but the metrics suggest Barnes is overrated as is without the added expectation amid much worse surroundings. Even in an offseason of financial anarchy, how Barnes made off with this much money is unsustainable and sickening.

1. Golden State Warriors
It's still kind of hard to fathom. A team winning 73 games one year, then acquiring likely the 3rd-best player in the NBA for fifteen cents on the dollar.

The Warriors are going to be a terrifying offensive machine that will rack up the easiest buckets we've ever seen against any non-elite defense. It's going to be insulting how routine they'll make it look.


The Death Lineup just became exponentially scarier, with Durant's lethal scoring replacing Barnes' inconsistent shooting, and his length enabling him to cover even more space and bigger bodies on D. Getting Zaza Pachulia on the cheap was great Bogut insurance; with veterans riding them in every-trendy ring hunts (David West really making Ray Allen eat his words) they can fill out a bench to complement the best 7-man rotation ever.

Dub Nation is now very short on rim protection, but that seems trivial in the scope of what's just happened. This team is going to be fucking impossible to defend. It's supremely unlikely they go for a new wins record after last year's playoff semi-burnout, but we're about to witness devastation on a mass level.