The NBA's Second Season

The NBA offseason has recently become a hype factory of drama and intrigue, subtweets and WojBombs. An entertainment spectacle unlike few in pro sports, it's almost become a whole new season in itself.

But the 2017 offseason has taken things to new heights of upheaval and chaos. Superstars are being given away, quality players are jumping ship left, right and center, and the NBA's power balance has again been consolidated, while salaries skyrocket to yet new heights. You can almost picture Dr Evil announcing the contracts some of these guys are signing for.

So much stuff is happening, it can be hard to gather everything in the proper context. With that in mind, here's a recap of what we've seen so far, attempting to make sense of it all:

RIP Lob City
What It Means: There won't be enough ball to go around in Houston next year. 

So apparently Doc Rivers pissed off Chris Paul, which is totally logical given both that Rivers is a bad GM with a stubborn attachment to his former players/son, and also that just about everyone pisses off Chris Paul.

Of the three superstar trades this summer, the Paul haul has to be considered the best (more on that to come), netting the Clippers an assortment of established vets, decent prospects, and even a first-round pick.

Meanwhile Mike D'Antoni gets to find touches for two of the NBA's most ball-dominant players with Paul joining James Harden. If Carmelo somehow joins the mix, CP3 might be the best thing possible for his game - both in terms of on-court synergy and Banana Boat Points - but the alpha struggle will no doubt present itself.

Blake Griffin Chills
What It Means: There will be no rebuild for the Clippers.


There's a lot of this stressed importance on star players to win, as though competing for a championship should be their only motivation in life.

Some of us (them) are happier just lamping in a star-filled oasis of beautiful weather and people, where the living's easy, your team has a historical commitment to mediocrity, and the pay is very very good.

Losing Paul sucks, but there's a decent rotation around Griffin, who's definitely capable of handling more of a playmaking role. The Clippers will no doubt take a step back, but they could surprise those who expect them to fall from the West's middle tier.

Property on Waiters Island Now Much More Expensive
What It Means: Last year's free agency loser made the most of his contract year re-run.

Brooklyn Makes Otto Porter a Max Man
What It Means: The Nets are about to hardball a second team into completely cap-fucking themselves.

Chauncey Billups Turns Down Cavs' GM Offer
What It Means: Nobody wants to work for Dan Gilbert once LeBron leaves. 

Chicago Gets Robbed at Gunpoint for Jimmy Butler
What It Means: Tom Thibodeau literally put an automatic weapon to Gar Forman's head, gave him terms on a deal for his best player, forced him to accept, and walked away laughing. 

Joe Dumars. Elgin Baylor. Bryan Colangelo x 2. The Bulls' Gar Forman is just the latest in a line of recent Executive of the Year winners who've either been exposed as poor GMs that caught lightning in a bottle, or completely lost their minds years later.

The Butler trade needs to first be prefaced by the Cameron Payne deal, in which the Bulls gave up several valuable assets for an unproven PG who was sent to the D-League within five weeks. This time trading a guy who, by any measure whatsoever is one of the 12-15 best players in the NBA, they received a similarly hopeless return.

Giving up on Payne, they've acquired yet another unproven PG in Kris Dunn, one whose shooting - the Bulls' main need - was horrendous last year. They took on Zach LaVine, a guy with a torn ACL whose ceiling and value are tied very heavily to athletic ability. They also acquired a top-ten pick in a loaded draft, but were foolish enough to give back their own first-rounder in a trade that was already felonious theft.

Who knows what delusion careened through Forman's head when he made this deal. Either way, Danny Ainge was probably on a rough sleep schedule after seeing what Butler went for. Or at least until...

Robyn Hayward's Instagram was Right
What It Means:Gordon REALLY wanted to finish his Player's Tribune article. 

The Jazz - also down George Hill - look like they're headed back to the lottery. And even though he missed out on both Butler and Paul George, Ainge has added an All-Star each of the past two summers without giving up a single asset. Maybe the best-trading GM in the NBA does know what he's doing here...

Minnesota Looks LEGIT
What It Means: The leap they were supposed to make last year is definitely happening this year.  

Backtracking slightly to the Butler trade: If not for the Bulls' mind-numbing stupidity, I'd be happy about it, as a great player no longer has to waste away his prime on a sad-ass team.

Adding Butler to the Towns-Wiggins-Dieng core is massive in itself for Minny, who then bolstered their bench with Taj Gibson at good value, and snared Jeff Teague for startlingly little (almost makes you wonder...). Spacing could be an issue for them, but even if so, they have assets to spare in a trade for a shooter.

The West figures a bloodbath, but with continued development from Towns, the Butler heist taking both offensive and (more importantly) defensive onus off Wiggins, the addition by subtraction of their worst shooter (Ricky Rubio) and defender (LaVine), and now two quality vets to round out their rotation, the Wolves look like mortal locks for a mid-tier playoff spot, and perhaps more.

Nick Young Signs With the Warriors
What It Means: Apparently they didn't have enough swag already.

Amir Johnson & JJ Redick Sign One-Year Deals with Sixers
What It Means: #TheProcess still has to hit the salary floor somehow.

Dwight Howard Loses Again
What It Means: His legacy might be in stone at this point.

The Nuggets Are Still 'Team Purgatory'
What It Means: Denver really doesn't want a lottery pick. 

Ever since the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony - almost seven years ago - the franchise has been on a rudderless quest for mediocrity, unable to compete at the highest level, and unwilling to blow it up and build for the future like so many around them had done.

Acquiring Paul Millsap is yet another step in no real direction for the Nuggets; P-Milly doesn't move the needle enough for them to be anything more than a bottom-rung playoff team. Moreover, it restricts their financial flexibility as they build around Nikola Jokic, while lowering their odds at a good draft pick. All this for a player on the back end of his prime who doesn't fit Denver's developmental timeline at all. Makes you wonder what exactly the Nuggets' endgame is.

OKC Plays Cat Burglar
What It Means: They didn't replace Kevin Durant, but they came damn close (for a season).


A few weeks ago, Paul George made the Pacers acutely aware of his intentions to play elsewhere - as if they hadn't been clear for months - thus setting in motion a series of whirlwind events.

Within a 48-hour period, there were "credibly sourced" rumors tying PG to the Celtics, Cavaliers, Rockets, and obviously the Lakers, none of which seemed very far-fetched given narratives and Indiana's utter lack of leverage. But at the 11th hour: 45th minute, in swooped the Thunder - as out-of-nowhere as a Giannis chase-down block. They basically landed George for the assets gained from dealing Serge Ibaka; assets which have only diminished in value.

This is confusing for several reasons: not only was an elite player again dealt for a paltry offer - circumstances notwithstanding - but there's only a drunk puncher's chance that George will re-sign with OKC. This has the making of an expensive rental, likely full of false hope for a fanbase that just lost Kevin Durant and watched him win Finals MVP 11 months later.

If PG does decide to stick around for some completely untapped reason, then Sam Presti will have actually stolen a superstar from someone else, as difficult a concept as that may be to grasp.

Jrue The Damaja
What It Means: Dell Demps is a gambling man.

Whatever "my body is made of glass" discount Steph Curry took on his last contract certainly does not apply in New Orleans where Jrue Holiday - who for argument's sake has averaged 57 games over the past half-decade - just inked for $25mil/year over the next half-decade.

The 12 games Holiday spent with his wife as she battled a frightening brain tumor last year only slightly skews his spotty health record. This has to call into question the New Orleans training staff, given that he averaged 74.5 games through four seasons in Philly, and the Pelicans' entire roster seems to be perpetually injured.

The Point Guard Market Dries Up on Kyle Lowry
What It Means: Making the last three All-Star teams ain't what it used to be.

In contrast to Holiday's lavish deal, Lowry came off a career year and found a chilling lack of love.

Despite logical rumors pointing to Minnesota or San Antonio, Lowry humbly re-upped with the team he reportedly had "zero interest" in, while only getting three years of guaranteed money.

It comes as a disappointment for a player on the back nine of his career, who took a discount last contract due to late-bloomer and conditioning issues, and now despite becoming an elite PG, finds himself doing it again. This time Lowry is purely a victim of the point guard market; an inundation of talent that already diluted the position's market value was only heightened when half of the 2017 Draft's top ten picks were PGs. Simply put, fewer teams need one than ever.

Conversely the deal is pretty much exactly what the Raptors wanted, neither losing Lowry for nothing, nor paying him the max when he's 36 and most likely in decline. His contract is also infinitely more tradeable should Masai Ujiri decide to hit the Rebuild Button on this core group.

Diamond Stone Traded to Hawks
What It Means: 'Diamond Stone' is probably the new most awesome name in the NBA.

Zach Randolph Signs With Kings
What It Means: A big piece of Grint N Grind has died, along with a bit of my soul. 

The Raptors' Frontcourt Splinters
What It Means: That DeMarre Carroll signing really starting to rear its ugly head. 

Kevin Durant Takes One For the Team
What It Means: The rest of the NBA is fucked.

So Steph Curry supermaxed. Considering the Warriors just had him on one of the best-value contracts in NBA history for three years, he was due.

Durant thus bit the bullet, leaving almost $10mil on the table - a 28% pay cut - so the Warriors had the flexibility to retain Andre Iguodala and Shawn Livingston, two key cogs in their title runs. For all the shade he was thrown last summer after what seemed like a cop-out, there's no questioning his willingness to keep this team together and truly carve a place in history for them and himself.

The Phil Is Gone
What It Means: James Dolan has finally done something sane in his capacity as Knicks owner 

Although it was increasingly clear that Phil Jackson's descent into arrogant senility necessitated his firing as Knicks' president, there are few individuals alive who could be trusted to do the right thing less than Jimmy Dolan.

Although the Straight Shot's lead singer saw fit to make a sound basketball decision for likely the first time in two decades, there are rumblings about that his old habits may not have died hard quite yet. "Better Find A Church" indeed.

The Rich Get Richer
What It Means: Competitive parity has both improved and faltered.

There's two ways to look at this depending on your perspective: The first is that the seemingly massive chasm between the NBA's haves and have-nots has grown even wider, with middling teams like Utah, Atlanta, Chicago and Indiana all losing star players to stronger teams (for little-to-nothing) and being sent back to the drawing board. The Rockets also solidified their talent at the expense of their contemporaries, the Clippers. There's no question that elite talent has been consolidated in a huge way for such a short time period, and the rebuilds will be happening everywhere.


The flipside to this is that we might see a greater modicum of competition atop the conferences, especially in the East where the Celtics - armed with Hayward and whatever assets they reap from their logjam of swingmen - could give the Cavs a run for their money if things break right.

Dealing with Golden State in the West is no doubt more of a daunting task, but the Rockets are mounting an effort, the Wolves will quickly ascend, and perhaps even the Thunder can build around two superstars. For all the rhetoric spewed last year about franchises biding their time and waiting out the Warriors or Cavs, things seem to be trending the opposite way.

Whether this amounts to anything in the way of derailing Cavs-Warriors IV remains unclear, but even if the outlook is grim, you can't blame opposing GMs for a lack of effort thus far this offseason. This is probably the most "Shit or Get Off the Pot" season the NBA's ever had; the shakeup is far from over.

Time Capsule 2017

Back in 2014, I did a piece called the Time Capsule, condensing the NBA season into its most significant or generally awesome moments, and tossing artifacts that represent them in a hypothetical stash for posterity and/or space invaders.

It was one of my favorite compilations to write, touching on the great (KD's MVP season, Adam Silver's debut), the not-so-great (the Dunk Contest), the hilariously bad (Josh Smith's shot selection), and the ominous (Cleveland lucking out a 1.7% chance at the #1 pick, which they would soon flip for Kevin Love).

So after an inexplicable two-year hiatus, the Time Capsule makes its triumphant return for 2017; the things to truly remember from this NBA season:

- Box Scores from Russell Westbrook's 42 Triple-Doubles
The notion of a player actually averaging a triple-double for an entire season seemed too outlandish in today's NBA. Sure, Oscar Robertson was able to do it 55 years ago, but in a vastly different league. Not only were defenses archaic, but opposition painfully less athletic. The whole league also played like it was on meth: the average team possessions per game was 96.4 this season, vs. 126.2 in 1962.

No longer facing complaints about passing to Kevin Durant, Westbrook took it upon himself to generate new complaints about passing to anyone at all. Along the way, his incessant stat-hoarding buoyed one of the NBA's shallowest rosters to a playoff spot, and just might, if narratives are any indication (and they definitely are), win him the MVP.

Whether you applaud or abhor his style, Westbrook made history this year, his compelling chase adding season-long excitement and awe.

- Sam Hinkie's Resignation Letter
Although over a year old, Hinkie's legendary farewell opus to #TheProcess resonated deeply this season, albeit posthumously.

The Sixers made strides as an organization for the first time in four years, and have nabbed in Joel Embiid - if good health prevails - exactly the franchise player Hinkie pined for. Next year they'll add Ben Simmons and the third pick in a loaded draft to their core.

It was a painful couple of years for Philly fans, but in a league where so few teams have reason to be hopeful, Hinkie martyred himself for their current salvation. Enjoy Bryan Colangelo.

- Mike D'Antoni's Razor & James Harden's Beard Trimmer
Sans his legendary mustache, Mike D'Antoni joined forces with another form of famous facial hair to spawn the surprise of the NBA season. Many felt that Steve Nash could never be topped as a D'Antoni muse, but James Harden swiftly curbed popular opinion.

While The Beard's confusing disappearing act/quaalude trip in the season's deciding game looms ominously, Houston spent several months as the talk of the NBA, mostly because of these guys.

- Adrian Wojnarowski`s ESPN Contract

- Game-Worn Shoes From Devin Booker`s 70-Point Outing

- One-Way Plane Ticket, New York to Chicago, Dated Jan 9 2017
In one of recent memory's most mystifying incidents, Derrick Rose just up and bounced from the Knicks one day, and didn't bother to really tell anyone. This became problematic for New York when they showed up to that night's game both without a starting point guard, and an explanation as to why. Obviously this could only happen to the Knicks.

Rose returned the next day, but his bizarre bail job was one of the many usual sideshows marring what was already an appalling basketball season in NYC.

- Bust of Phil Jackson with his Foot Firmly Inserted in his Mouth
It was a tough year for Phil. Not only did he face the stern reality that his basketball team still sucks, but made more verbal mis-steps than anyone not named LaVar Ball.

Building a strong case as an increasingly senile jackass, Jackson dropped tomes ranging from counter-productive to outright inappropriate, with an arrogance not befitting of his current circumstance.

- Charles Oakley's Tickets to Feb 8 Clippers @ Knicks Game
But yet still, the lowest point of the Knicks' season came when a petty beef between their childish owner and a former player - one who is revered by New York City and the NBA community - led to Oakley being mobbed by security, dragged out of MSG, and arrested.

Legions of fans, and players both past and present came out in defense of Oak, while James Dolan's ownership tenure grew another ugly, if not predictable stain.

- Giannis Antetokounmpo Jersey with Last Name Removed 
Before half the league knew how to spell or pronounce this kid's last name, he strode to the level of a one-name star. It's now just "Giannis", get used to hearing it.

- Potato Parcels

- Cupcakes

- One of Craig Sager's Suits 
The most touching part of this season stemmed from a sideline mainstay losing his battle with leukemia. Sager's passing was undeniably tragic, but the outpouring of support from all over the league - throughout his courageous fight and after its end, including an awesome All-Star Weekend contest - was an uplifting tribute to a man of amazing spirit (and questionable fashion). #SagerStrong.

- Zach LaVine and Jabari Parker's ACLs

- Detailed Map of Waiters Island

- Funeral Attire
Back in January, shit popped off between John Wall and Jae Crowder, resulting in an on-court fracas, locker room lockdown, and $40k worth of fines, as well as (directly) the NBA's best new rivalry and (indirectly) the best series of the playoffs.

The Wizards donned all black for their next Celtics meeting, but while winning that game, were ultimately the ones buried in a seven-game bout that stood out for its dramatic swings and pure visceral hatred between these up-and-coming East foes. Word to Kelly Olynyk.

- Stopwatch Frozen at 1 minute, 30 seconds
Because that's how long Klay Thompson held the ball - in 29 minutes of floor time - while dropping 60 on the Pacers. And that's completely fucking incredible.

- Psychiatric Evaluation Report of Vivek Ranadive
It's hard to tell what was more insane: trading DeMarcus Cousins for Buddy Hield (and a pick, whatever), or then claiming Hield has "Steph Curry potential". Dude's got some interesting stuff going on upstairs.

- This Sweater:


- This T-Shirt:



- This Photographer Vest: 


- Isaiah Thomas' Lateral Incisor
A heroic All-NBA season by the 5'9" Thomas was upended when his sister was tragically killed in a car crash mere days before the start of the playoffs. A distasteful debate thus raged across the court of public opinion; every talking head with a soapbox opining as to whether he should play.

Thomas chose to not only play, but to do so loudly enough to silence all of them. After Otto Potter went all Wolf Stansson on him, IT hung 53 points on the Wizards - most in a playoff game in 14 years - on what would have been his sister's 23rd birthday.

- Velociraptor Fossil
Because the asteroid that murked out the dinosaurs struck Toronto in the form of LeBron James.

- An X-Ray of Blake Griffin's Foot

- Jimmy Buss' Baseball Cap

- Chandler Parsons' Contract
"Chancun" looks like a decent gig for a $22 million salary. Speaking of which;

- This Tweet:


- And This One:



- Larry Nance's Crowning of Brook Lopez (and Timofey Mozgov's Reaction)

Among many memorable dunks this season, perhaps none was more vicious than Larry Nance Jr. putting the hapless Brook Lopez underneath the Jordan logo. As if enough bad things hadn't happened to the Nets already.  

Almost as incredible was Timofey Mozgov, who ran away like he'd just witnessed the Independence Day aliens attack or something. It was Mozgov's single most important contribution to the NBA season; slightly steep at $15 million, but at least it was more than Parsons brought to the table.                                                                        

- Tim Duncan's Retired Jersey

- A Pair of Big Baller ZO2s

- The MVP Ballots
This season`s MVP race was an exercise in futility; an attempt to separate the exploits of four players who put up historic campaigns that made this award a total skeet-shoot. Their virtues have been extolled at length, and while Russell Westbrook appears to be the favorite after his late-season push, the trophy going to any of he, Harden, LeBron, or Kawhi Leonard would be an acceptable outcome.

- Gregg Popovich's Pachulia Rant 

- The Skates Steph Curry Lent Rudy Gobert 

- TempurPedic Matress
Resting stars was never more of a hot-button issue than during this year's slog through the 82-game regular season. What was once a Pop Special became adopted league-wide, as coaches sat stars out for a litany of reasons ranging from injury prevention to preservation for the playoffs.

Obviously this drew the ire of league and media alike, especially when "rest games" coincided with the televised contests the NBA was recently paid so much money for. Fans both in the stands and at home were selectively deprived of the game's biggest names, a particular affront to those who'd purchased tickets in advance, expecting LeBron and instead getting Richard Jefferson.

There may not be a clear solution at present, so we can count on this dilemma persisting until a compromise is struck between burnt-out players and fed-up fans.

- This Instagram Post:

- And This One:



- Captain Obvious' Uniform
Hotels.com's wise-cracking spokesman is a pretty accurate embodiment of this season's outcome; one that anybody who wasn't braindead or woefully naive saw coming the second Kevin Durant dropped his Player's Tribune announcement.

The inevitability of a Cavs-Warriors Finals was unfadeable, and Golden State confirmed what many suspected in easily dispatching of LeBron & Co. While Once-King James is sent back to the drawing board, and masses of other teams bide their time, the Warriors seem very much an insurmountable force for the near future.

- Kevin Durant's Finals MVP Trophy
But above all, this should be remembered as Durant's year. For better or worse, he drove the NBA's major plotline this season (as well as many minor ones), and ultimately stood its greatest victor. Adding a championship to his Hall of Fame resume punctuated a dominant Finals, and a season where he made himself the alpha male of arguably the greatest team ever.

While his critics can still harp about the means to his end, the deed has been done. Durant's a champion, and doesn't appear ready to stop with just one. In a league where superstars are measured largely on their ability to win, he's put himself in a historic limelight. If there's one image that will linger and endure from this season, bet on this being it:

Rubber Soul: Cavs-Warriors Part III

So we've finally arrived at a 2017 Finals matchup that was preordained the moment Kevin Durant joined the dark side.

After a quasi-inconsequential regular season, we were treated to the least suspenseful playoffs in recent memory, hurt not only by the obviousness of its destination, but everything from Toronto's indifference to Zaza Pachulia's defensive fundamentals.

We can lament what could've been over the past few months, but instead let's focus on the legendary potential of what's about to unfold in front of us.

To start, we're going to see a Finals rubber match for the first time in history. Never happened. Not even in the multiple epochs of Celtic-Laker rivalries (they've squared off in back-to-back years on four separate occasions). So that's pretty cool, if not slightly redundant.

The perpetual battle has spawned some not-so-awesome sentiment between these teams, which will make for peak intensity, and increased potential for hilarious animosity-fueled antics (especially when the likes of JR Smith and Javale McGee are involved).

This epic rivalry should also inspire great basketball porn from two simply remarkable teams. The symphony of offensive destruction - orchestrated by likely the NBA's three biggest superstars - should be a classic.

So let's get the obvious out of the way first: YES the Cavaliers do have a chance in this series, just not an incredibly good one.

Golden State completely decimated the West bracket, sporting not only a flawless record, but the highest point differential in playoff history; they certainly look unbeatable. That said, who could've realistically challenged them? The Blazers were a .500 team (#blowoutfodder). The Jazz were (obviously) below full-strength and couldn't have hoped to score with GSW. The Spurs became the first team ever to lose a playoff series while being up 23 in Game 1. The Warriors have been tested very poorly thus far.

The Cavs pose the first serious threat that Golden State has seen all season. After cruising through their schedule like an Easy Rider scene, they'll get their first taste of Fury Road, though it's unclear just how rough things will get for them.

We know that theoretically Golden State should be heavily favored. After all, they likely could've won the title last year if Draymond Green didn't bag-tag LeBron, but still added the NBA's 2nd-best player anyway. Instead of examine what the Warriors need to do to win (show up, play basketball, don't get injured or suspended), let's look at what factors might help the Cavs pull this off:



Defend the Land

The big question obviously is whether the Cavs' defense - which looked suspect for large chunks of this season - can withstand perhaps the best offensive team ever. At first glance it seems like a hard "no", but Cleveland has a few cards to play here.

First off is LeBron; a mirror-image of Draymond Green in his ability to matchup with virtually anyone defensively, and snuff a variety of attacks. They'll be getting Bron's 100% effort on D for likely the first time all year, which could have an immense impact.

Liable defenders Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love have both visibly raised their effectiveness vs. Golden State. Tristan Thompson is also a great insurance policy against the Death Lineup; a rim protector who can switch on pick & rolls, and close out on perimeter players among the best bigs in the league. Steph Curry will not be doing this to him.

Last June, Cleveland did a stellar job of closing the perceived defensive gap between these teams, holding the Dubs to 99.9ppg, while posting similar turnover%, true shooting% and d-rating. That will prove tougher this year, but to suggest the Cavs won't improve their D for this series could be dubious.

Pray for Klay to Stay Down
Also decent news for the Cavs' D is that Klay Thompson is mired in one of the worst offensive stretches of his career. Thompson averaged 22.3 ppg on .468 from the field this season. Last year's playoffs saw him post 24.3 on .444. This postseason, those numbers have plummeted to 14.4 on .383. You certainly can't be leaving him - he can erupt at a moment's notice - but against an attack where Curry and Durant have to be your focus, not having Klay On Fire punish slow rotations is a huge advantage. An off game or two from Thompson could be costly enough.

Test Iguodala
Containing LeBron James is a very relative term, and it's not a great sign for the Warriors that their main means of guarding him is dealing with a bum knee. Not only will a hobbled or absent Andre Iguodala stretch the Warriors that much thinner on D, but will force either Durant or Green to spend the bulk of their minutes on James, burning max effort and potentially risking foul trouble.

Iggy says his knee is "good" (really, what else would he say?) but he'll need to be at his best vs what has all the makings of an apex LeBron performance. Having LBJ attacking his lateral movement (more drives, fewer 3s) could expose weakness and force the Dubs to adjust.

Win the Grit N Grind Battle

One of the biggest keys to Cleveland's win last year was exerting both a physical and mental edge on the suddenly-shook Warriors. The Cavs were running Curry into pick-and-rolls on every possible possession; throwing him into hard screens and physical switches. They were waxing glass with an added nastiness, bodying perimeter movement, and - most valuably - getting inside the heads of their best opponents.

Granted Curry isn't hurt this year, but the same beat-em-up grind can take him off his game. Draymond Green is every bit the same liability if provoked. Zaza Pachulia's thuggish antics will be under the tightest of scrutiny. And the Warriors - even with their pristine playoff record - come into this series still wrestling with demons of the 3-1 collapse, and LeBron quite literally testing them by himself in 2015. Saying they're vulnerable mentally isn't really an overstatement.

Let Mike Brown Live
While coaching the Warriors is more or less cruise control, there's no doubt that they'll miss Steve Kerr, from whom Mike Brown is a reasonable downgrade on the bench. While the Warriors' D - Brown's specialty - will be their main edge in this series, he scores demerits in almost every other key attribute, from in-game adjustments to offensive creativity and motivational appeal. There's a reason why he flamed out in three consecutive head coaching gigs of sharply decreasing length.

A contested playoff series is an on-the-fly battle of wits between coaches, and thus far there's been no example of how Brown responds if this team is threatened. The Finals aren't exactly the time to be figuring those things out, perhaps the only downside of their total blitzkrieg in the West.

Beat the Warriors at Their Own Game
Any team that hopes to beat Golden State over seven games had better be packing heavy artillery, having to out-gun a team that's averaging a ridiculous 118ppg. Their numbers are vaulted slightly by their massacre of the Kawhi-less Spurs: 124.5ppg on .538 and .406 from three. Perhaps the greatest testament to Kawhi's defensive value, the league's #1 D was gruesomely flayed without him.

Meanwhile, the Cavs played the Celtics largely without their worst defender, facing a tough matchup and still dropping 120ppg on .534 and .436. For the Playoffs, they're averaging only 1.5ppg fewer than the Warriors, arguably against tougher overall defense (GSW got complete walks vs the D of 2/3 opponents thus far), while shooting an outrageous 43.5% from long range, hitting 2.5 more per game than the Warriors. They can put numbers on the board in a hurry.

It was long posited that Golden State couldn't be beaten in a shootout series. But the Cavs, having finally flipped "The Switch", look ready to challenge that notion.

Have a LeBron Moment

Much as the Warriors have an array potential gamebreaking stars, the Cavs have LeBron. He's the one human capable of dominating a basketball game in more ways than anyone in history. He's playing some of the best ball of his career right now. And the once-mocked possibility of being mentioned as the G.O.A.T is very much in play for him.

The crescendo towards this series suggests, both in narrative and basketball precedent, that we're about to witness LeBron's piece de résistance. Not only has he never faced greater motivation than to crush the Warriors in this fabled grudge match and enter the Jordan debate, but LeBron has a lengthy history of exceeding big expectations.

Excluding the 2011 Finals - which any rational person can accept as an outlier that will never repeat itself - King James has managed to rise beyond pretty much every occasion, and this shouldn't be any exception.

While there are a number of catalysts for Cleveland to pull off four wins, several of them will likely have to happen at once for the Cavs to prevail. Golden State has an on-paper edge on both sides of the ball, only one of which can really be overcome. Cleveland cracked Boston's rotation-heavy pressure, but the Warriors are longer, better built to stop LeBron, and will have Draymond at peak badass. This team also has another level to attain offensively if Klay Thompson wakes up, at which point the rain might be too much.

It's frustrating that the Warriors are likely going to be validated for concocting a team so unfairly. Golden State benefitted from extremely good fortune on numerous counts, the Durant signing seemingly so flukey and greasy that the league immediately introduced measures to prevent it from happening again. Still, the Warriors pulled it off, and will carve their own niche in the NBA's annals. They'll either be remembered among the greatest teams ever, or as the team LeBron beat to become perhaps the greatest player ever. The stakes could not be higher.

If this series ran 100 times, the Cavs project to win roughly 25-28 of them (based on an advanced algorithmic system that exists only as a front for me just guessing).

Over one series? WARRIORS IN SIX. 

Cleveland and Golden State - Too Good for Their Own Good?

So the NBA playoffs have kind of sucked this year.

Sure there have been some isolated examples of great basketball, but not only has the sense of a Cavs-Warriors inevitability tarnished the overall suspense of this spectacle, many of the individual series have been washes that were hardly ever in doubt.

Cleveland and Golden State's collision course has been about as smooth as possible. The Dubs haven't lost a game yet, while the Cavs hadn't either until Sunday night's outlying Celts comeback. Even that lone loss appears like a glitch, since Boston was without their best player, and down 16 at the half to a team that had spent the past six games beating them and Toronto more savagely than Michael's stepdad in The Wire.

Even the opportunities for intrigue have been sabotaged. As I write this, the Warriors are completing a sweep of the Spurs, one engineered largely in part by a probably-intentional attempt on Kawhi Leonard's weak ankle while the Spurs were up 23 in Game 1. The Bulls seemed to have an 8-1 upset en route vs Boston, then lost #PlayoffRondo along with the next four games. James Harden legitimately appeared to have dropped acid before the most important game of his best season. The only upset we've seen was entirely probable after Blake Griffin (obviously) went down vs the Jazz.

The playoffs have never been so uninvolving. I've voluntarily missed several conference finals games, which says something considering I take in mid-January Bucks-Bobcats games and spend more time with the TNT crew than I do with my family on Christmas. I'm sure a decent portion of the population feels the same - certainly a fair number of dedicated viewers I know - and have tuned out. This can't be a great look for the league, especially in the first year of the new TV deal that lined their checkbooks so excessively last summer.

Much has been made of this predestined dominance being harmful long-term; that competitive parity is damaged and indicative of a trend in the wrong direction. Despite the short-term monotony, I'm not feeling as gloomy about the outlook NBA fans should have, for a number of reasons:

The Finals Haven't Even Happened Yet
First, most of this can be forgiven if the Cavs and Warriors deliver a Finals anywhere even near as epic as 2016's down-to-the-last-second clash. Years from now, maybe we'll look back on the historical significance of this heated matchup trilogy. And if the Cavs somehow pull off a victory, as sacrilegious as it sounds, we're going to have to start realistically talking about LeBron James being the GOAT (sorry, not the only one saying it). We could still witness both history and amazing basketball.

The Warriors Are an Evolutionary Fluke
OK, so the Golden State Warriors are kind of ridiculous. Sure they play an aesthetically pleasant, statistic-obliterating form of basketball, but they seem almost unfairly stacked with talent. Because they are. Consider the catalysts that had to align for this team to materialize:

First, they signed Steph Curry to a long-term deal back when he was a fringe star with glass ankles. Not only has his health since improved considerably, but he's evolved into a two-time MVP. He was the NBA's 73rd-highest paid player this year. John Henson, DeMarre Carroll and Brandon Knight cost their teams more money. Think about that for a few minutes.

Then they had a second-round pick turn into an All-NBA player basically overnight, making Draymond Green one of history's biggest draft steals. Not exactly par for the course.

And obviously this past summer, league payrolls skyrocketed due to a cash influx from a new TV deal. Since the previous deal was struck, basketball's popularity has grown more globally than likely any sport in history over such a short span, creating a spike in revenue - and thus salaries - that had literally never been seen in pro sports. That wild outlier gave the Warriors enough cap space to sign Kevin Fucking Durant, comparatively giving up pennies.

An NBA team would be ridiculously lucky to have any one of those things happen to them; all three is basically a Powerball win.

The Cavs Kind of Are Too
There are a few factors at play here as well. One is obviously that the Cavs employ, in his prime, a guy who by most calculations is one of the two best basketball players ever.

The second are the measures a team is willing/able to make to maximize said player's prime. The Cavs can justify heavy luxury tax when LeBron can guarantee them an annual Finals appearance, while getting commitment from both high-value assets like Kevin Love, and discounted veterans seeking a ring.  LeBron is not only an otherworldly talent, but one who's perpetually lifted the play of those around him; his allure as a teammate is arguably unmatched since Bill Russell.

Also, mere weeks before LeReturn, the Cavs pulled one of the biggest Draft Lottery heists in history, not only binking a #1 pick they had a 1.7% chance at, but then flipping it for Kevin Love. How many times in NBA history has a team - already with an All-Star - added the league's best player plus a third All-Star in one month for absolutely nothing?

What Lies Beneath
It's not like the rest of the NBA is completely lost. While playoff stalwarts like the Clippers and Grizzlies are at an awkward crossroads, plenty of franchises have bright visions for the future after this historic rivalry plays out.

The recently-eliminated Wizards have a young star-studded backcourt and the NBA's best center openly talking about joining them. The Raptors have assets & youth to re-tool while staying competitive, something the Celtics are already doing patiently. The Bucks have a great young core and a future MVP. The Jazz will be an emerging threat if they keep Gordon Hayward. The Spurs will be OK because, well, they're the Spurs. Even a franchise like the Sixers could be excited if Joel Embiid wasn't such a massive injury risk, and Bryan Colangelo wasn't running their team.

There's plenty of competition and parity waiting in the wings, some intentionally delaying their rise to outlast the peaks of the seemingly-unbeatable Warriors and Cavs. When their icy grip on supremacy inevitably melts, the water underneath is far from settled.

Superteams Are Nothing New
And while two teams dominating the league this thoroughly is something we've yet to see, the concept of teams being this stacked with talent dates all the way back to the Lakers of the late 60s when Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor and Jerry West - three of the consensus 15 best players ever - shared a locker room. Since that time (and really before it too), most championship teams have been similarly loaded with Hall-of-Famers in or close to their primes:

-'70 & '73 Knicks: Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, Dave DeBusschere
-'70s Celtics: John Havlicek, Dave Cowens, Jo Jo White
- 80's Celtics: Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson
- Showtime Lakers: Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy
- Bad Boys Pistons: Isiah Thomas, Joe Dumars, Dennis Rodman
- 90s Bulls: Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman
- Popovich Spurs: Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili/Kawhi Leonard/David Robinson
- Ubuntu Celtics: Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen
- Banana Boat Heat: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh
- 2015 Warriors: Steph Curry, Draymond Green, (likely) Klay Thompson
- 2016 Cavs: LeBron James, (likely) Kyrie Irving & Kevin Love

Counting whoever wins in 2017, these teams will have combined for 30 of the 50 NBA titles since the Celtics reeled off eight straight. An additional nine ('06 Heat, '00-'02 Lakers, '91-'93 Bulls, '83 Sixers and '71 Bucks) saw two Top-50 all-time players join forces at or near the height of their powers. Simply put, basketball is a star-driven sport, and the vast majority of title winners have had to top-load their rosters accordingly. That the Warriors and Cavs have had to up the ante under highly anomalous circumstances shouldn't be cause for long-term concern.

LeBron won't be this good forever, nor will the Warriors - or any franchise - be able to pay for such a team much longer. The lack of suspense plaguing this year's playoffs hurts now no doubt, but should hardly be seen as a threat to the NBA's burgeoning global dominance.

Yes, in a two-month vacuum, Golden State and Cleveland have likely had a detrimental effect on the NBA's overall appeal. But with eyes on the big picture - once variance rights parity from this schism askew - this stretch of painfully predictable basketball will seem like a harmless blemish.

Banter's 2017 NBA All-Star Starters

I usually spend this opening paragraph rattling off some semi-cliché rant about the bastardization of the All-Star selection process, tainted by the competency of the average voter (which seems to be a common issue these days).

But just as the situation reached peak popularity contest and Zaza Fucking Pachulia was about to start in an actual NBA All-Star Game, the Adam Silver Innovation Wave washed over, giving me slightly less to worry about.

Half of the voting is now comprised of ballots from the media and players, who while capable of dubiousness themselves, are generally far more sane and educated than NBA Fan X. This adjustment may just push us past the days of the Yao Ming Exception, much like the elimination of the center position on the ballot delivered us from Jamal Magloire.

The system still isn't perfect - a guy averaging a triple-double apparently isn't starter-worthy - but it's absolutely a step in the right direction. A title that will eventually help shape a player's legacy (and in some cases be used as a Hall of Fame yardstick) deserves as much respect.

With the voting in safer hands, the competition for All-Star spots has fallen into a predictable pattern this year; a facile cakewalk in the East and an absolute bloodbath out West. Who's shone brightest so far? Here are the most deserving participants, beginning with the Starters:

EAST STARTERS

G - KYLE LOWRY, TORONTO RAPTORS
Even though the Celtics are only just now finding healthy legs, the Raptors have held

court as the East's 2nd-best team, led by Lowry's sublimely efficient scoring/playmaking, and bulldog defense. Scoring a career-high 22ppg on a completely incredulous .589 eFG% (ninth in the NBA and tops among all guards), Lowry's a staple in all of the Raptors' best lineups, leading a historically-great offense. His dominance is so consistent that one of the NBA's deadliest lineups this year - simply called "Lowry + Bench", features him and four Raptors reserves.

Some misled pundits and fans have attributed Toronto's offensive ascent to Demar DeRozan's scoring spree, slotting him as a backcourt starter. But both the eye test and RPM (where Lowry sits second league-wide, to DeRozan's 114th) suggest Lowry's all-around superiority, and true vitality in the Raptors' success.


G - ISAIAH THOMAS, BOSTON CELTICS
Lowry isn't the only East guard on a torrid offensive streak. Thomas is currently dropping 28.7ppg on .537 eFG%, which is great for any guard, and outright absurd for one who's 5'9". Thomas has become a fearless neo-Iverson, only smaller and more efficient. His whirlwind attacks of the hoop keep defenses constantly guessing, and powered the Celtics through a slew of early key injuries.

Thomas may be a bit of a one-way player, but it's tough to blame a guy for defensive shortcomings (get it) when any player he faces can easily outreach or shoot over him. I'd prefer to focus on his league-leading fourth-quarter scoring, on a team currently ranked fifth in close-game win %. Thomas is a flat-out killer.

While John Wall's been sublime this season, the Wizards started off pitifully, and only recently broke the .500 barrier. Thomas has led a better, injury-hampered team all season, giving him the edge in a close race.

F - JIMMY BUTLER, CHICAGO BULLS

Things are kind of going to shit in Chicago, now that their early 3-point charade has been exposed, and the Rajon Rondo Experience has hit worst-case-scenario. While the Bulls franchise implodes around him, Butler's been his ever-stellar self; a top-tier player on both sides of the ball with an underrated killer instinct.

Despite ball-stopping and lane clogging from Wade and (before his benching) Rondo, Butler's boosted his scoring by 19% to a career-high 24.8, getting to the line far more (9.7 FTA vs 7.1 last year) and hitting a career-best .866 while there. He's also posted a noticeable career-best in rebounds, while matching his best assist numbers, doing so with peak efficiency - his 25.9 PER is good for 10th overall.

The Bulls owe Butler a great debt for being anywhere near the playoffs right now (he's third in the league in win shares; mildly anomalous on a sub-.500 team). With justice it will come in the form of better surroundings, whether in Chicago or elsewhere.

F - LEBRON JAMES, CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

LeBron's write-up for an East starting spot might be the most trite, useless words I wrangle together on a yearly basis. You know why he's here, and that he has to be, and that him starting in this game has become as much an annual certainty as taxes, Christmas, and DeMarcus Cousins trade rumors.

But just so he's not taken completely for granted, let the record show Bron has resurrected his 3-point shot (.375 on 4.8 attempts vs .309 on 3.7 last year), while tying his career high rebs+assts in his 14th season.

F - GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO, MILWAUKEE BUCKS

This escalated quickly. Most of us knew to brace ourselves for more exponential improvement from the Greek Freak, but he's unleashing an extinction-level event upon the NBA. He's lifted the Bucks to improbable status as a likely playoff team, while leading them in points, rebounds, assists, blocks, steals and field goal%. If you think that's impressive, he's also threatening to be the first player to Top-20 all those categories since nobody. Ever.

We're witnessing a revolution, it is televised (if you have League Pass or live in Wisconsin), and it literally defies adjectives. Antetokounmpo does things we've never seen before, with gazelle-like grace and Stretch Armstrong-like elasticity. He's already a historically versatile force, sits 2nd in the NBA in PER, has arguably been the East's best player so far, and - here's the fun part - is 22 years old.


WEST STARTERS

G - RUSSELL WESTBROOK, OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER

There's really only so much that needs to be said here beyond "He's averaging a triple-double", but I'll entertain the explanation:

Westbrook's not only on a shocking course to contest one of sports' most untouchable records, but he's doing so as the league's leading scorer, on a team that's a mortal lock for the playoffs. Westbrook is the Thunder as they weather Kevin Durant's departure, on pace to shatter the NBA's single-season usage rate record. His offensive RPM is bested only by James Harden, while sitting fifth in overall RPM.

What he lacks in efficiency, Westbrook more than makes up for in pure omnipresence, even amid a constant defensive swarm as his team's only major threat. Bound by laws of physics and energy unfamiliar to us mere mortals, he's a thrill to watch, and a total nightmare to try and contain.

G - JAMES HARDEN, HOUSTON ROCKETS

While Harden was already essentially a point guard (and MVP candidate), his insertion into the Mike D'Antoni Stat Steroid System has produced some incredible results. The Beard is accounting for the most offense of anyone in the NBA, scoring just under 29/game while dishing a (by far) league-leading 11.7 dimes.

Pick on his defense if you will (at least he's starting to show signs), but Houston isn't about D; they're openly bad at it. They're just going to outscore you, and so far they've done it far beyond anyone's expectations, as the 3-seed out West, once projected as low-rung playoff fodder at best.

Moreyball found its apex coach, and surrounded Harden with a bounty of elite shooters - he's taken full advantage.

F - KEVIN DURANT, GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS

It takes a pretty darn good player to walk into a whirlwind offensive juggernaut like the Golden State Warriors, and firmly commandeer it from the two-time reigning MVP.

Durant has done just that, relegating Steph Curry's role with a sublime offensive display. Aside from performing his most efficient scoring masterpiece yet, Durant's elevated his D to arguable All-Defense contention, finally tapping into the disruption his length allows him to cause on that end.

The Warriors have undoubtedly had a couple hiccups; every alignment of superstars does while they feel each other out. But they're still the NBA's best team, and Durant's their best player, so he has to be here.

F - KAWHI LEONARD, SAN ANTONIO SPURS

It's sickening how consistent the Spurs are. In what's very much a transition season for them - as much as transition exists in San Antonio - they're still motoring along exactly where they should be; slightly behind Golden State and slightly ahead of everyone else.

Leonard, as expected, has taken on a greater offensive load, while posting an elite 28.35 PER (good for third overall), and providing the same peerless defense. Leonard's defensive RPM has taken a hit (down to a pedestrian .99 - by far a career-low) because he now shares the court with several minus defenders instead of Tim Duncan, but he still manages to post a top-10 6.22 RPM overall.

Leonard's come along steadily; gradually evolving each season to a new level of beast. He's the NBA's two-way zenith, and enough reason in himself for Pop to keep coaching in the AD (anno Duncan).

F - MARC GASOL, MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES
I tried my damndest to give this spot to Anthony Davis. The Brow's put up a superlative season so far, but ultimately the Pelicans just suck a little too much.

While Gasol might seem like a homer pick by a Grizzlies fan, he's got a ton working in his favor. Memphis is sixth in the West; somewhere they have absolutely no business being, given they lost Mike Conley for 12 games, have hardly seen Chandler Parsons, and sport a new coach with a rag-tag supporting cast that was wholly unproven prior to this year.

Heaps of credit have to go to Gasol; beyond his usual all-around beastery, he's extended his range on offense, giving the Grizz the spacing they need to adapt and survive in the modern NBA. He operates outside his traditional comfort zone, moonlighting as both perimeter gunner and playmaker. The ensuing space allows Zach Randolph to operate in the post undeterred, opens cutting lanes for Tony Allen, and gives Memphis' youngsters plenty of room to breathe.

He's also been a cold-hearted murderer down the stretch in a litany of close Memphis wins, coming up with huge plays on both sides of the ball, and nailing numerous game-winners. His stats don't jump off the page like Davis', but he's as well-rounded as elite centers come, and has done as much through adjustments and clutch performances to help his team as anyone in the league this year.

Stay tuned for the reserves, coming next week! 

Offseason Power Rankings

They came. They saw. They spent.

The 2016 offseason will be remembered for two things:

First, obviously, Kevin Durant joining the Golden State Warriors. Second, and more notably, the floodgates of TV money opening up and unleashing a Biblical wave of contract bloating upon the 2016 free agency class.

Plenty happened this summer, but those dominant themes shook the NBA to its core, rippling far in a summer of transition for an abnormal number of franchises (as you're about to see).

With hundreds of players, teams, moments and metaphysical concepts adrift in the aftermath, there's plenty to sort out. To help keep track of who got the best and worst of things this summer, here are Banter's 2016 Offseason Power Rankings:

Last. Hack-A-Shaq

Second-Last. The BasedGod Curse

Third-Last. North Carolina's All-Star Game Hosting Privileges

704. Brooklyn Nets

When it rains it pours. So soon after they forfeited draft picks for aging veterans, the Nets are awful, unable to rebuild, and attempting to incinerate money in a desperate dash for the Salary Floor. Fully expect them to assume Philly's spot as the NBA's Worst Team.

699. Dion Waiters

685. Vivek Ranadive's Q Rating

662. Oklahoma City Thunder
The Russell Westbrook re-up was significant, and the Ibaka trade was a nice scoop for a player becoming less relevant to the Thunder's success.

But examining OKC's offseason in any other context than "they just lost Kevin Durant for nothing", is kinda missing the forest for the trees.

650. Miami Heat
Gone are Joe Johnson, Luol Deng, and franchise icon Dwyane Wade. In their place are Wayne Ellington, Luke Babbitt and the immortal Dion Waiters. With Chris Bosh's career also in the balance, the Heat are inches away from a total rebuild, while matching one of the summer's most preposterous contract offers.

628. Dave Joerger
Jeorger bolted Memphis after a remarkable performance last year, amid a perhaps-legit beef with upper management. With suitors lined up around the league, he thus promptly committed to the franchise where he's far-and-away most likely to encounter perhaps-legit beef with upper management.

619. Washington Wizards

618. John Wall's Career Arc
As recently as 10 months ago, John Wall was one of the NBA's can't-miss up-and-comers, piloting the East's 'Team to Watch'. The rudderless Wizards have since missed the playoffs, hired Scott Brooks, signed Markieff Morris, and maxed-out one of the most oft-injured players in the league; none of which bode well for Wall returning them to relevancy.

601. Thon Maker 
Got drafted at least 15 spots too high; nobody knows how old he is. Sounds safe.

590. Jeremy Lin 

584. Dwight Howard
After leaving yet another city in a blazing shitstorm of acrimony, Howard lands in his hometown with Al Horford's big shoes to fill and a growing body of evidence suggesting he's fallen off significantly.

With the now-rhetorical questions about his character and desire to win still lingering, the ATL cookin' could be exactly what man-child D12 needs. But if history and circumstance are any indicator, he's just setting himself up for the most painful disappointment yet.

568. My Views on "Make Your Own Dream Team" Memes

541. Milwaukee Bucks
They made a dementia-suggesting draft reach for a guy who may or may not be like 40 years old, and largely whiffed on the shooting their offense badly needs. Unless Mirza Teletovic is somehow the key, this could be another long season in Wisconsin. At least they have Giannis.

526. Atlanta Hawks

499. Chicago Bulls
Mildly unclear what's going on here. Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo are two "name players" that will take the ball out of Jimmy Butler's hands (generally a bad thing) and clog any lineup without a Mirotic/McBuckets forward combo to spread the floor. Sorta defeats the purpose of the Derrick Rose trade.

465. Dallas Mavericks
Whiffed on all their major free agency targets and had to resort to massively overpaying Harrison Barnes. On the bright side, they salvaged Andrew Bogut and faded Dirk's retirement, but still not exactly a win for the Mavs.

443. Charlotte Hornets

411. New Orleans Pelicans

387. Detroit Pistons
BOBAN!! Relevant side-note: The Pistons are currently the second-highest-paid roster in the league at $116 million committed next year.

350. Toronto Raptors
Getting priced out of the Bismack Biyombo sweepstakes was a painful inevitability for the Raptors, one they tried to remedy by drafting a guy who apparently can't dunk in the lottery. Biz was one of the NBA's more underrated players before his postseason explosion, and a big hole to patch in their defense.

The DeRozan re-signing is a strong indicator for the Raps (and Canadian basketball in general). Despite Demar's sickening inconsistency in the playoffs, it keeps them competitive. Coming off a summer with some of the World's best coaches on Team USA certainly doesn't hurt him either.

Jared Sullinger gives Toronto a far more competent option than Luis Scola at the four, but combine the Biyombo loss with direct competition improving markedly, and The North will likely have a tougher run at an East Finals repeat.

322. New York Knicks

The Knicks' offseason has been much-trumpeted in many realms of the Internet, but for me it's mainly a wash. Cast into Win-Now Mode by Melo's ticking clock, they've dumped a whole lot of money and hope into two guys - Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah - who've each been paltry shells of their past selves for at least two years. In Rose, they've inherited the only deal signed in 2012 that could possibly suck under the current cap.

D-Rose and Melo's ball-dominance will be an interesting mesh, and even a fully healthy season from Rose and/or Noah would be a mild surprise. Courtney Lee is a good two-way guard and Brandon Jennings will give life to an offense-dormant 2nd unit, but the Knicks' likely fate is still a bottom-tier playoff team. A total sophomore explosion from the Porzingod might be their best chance at a real leap.

302. San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan's absence will be a strange concept to absorb; he was the San Antonio Spurs (at least on-court; #Pop) for damn near two decades. There are far worse replacements than Pau Gasol, but the Spurs' bid for West supremacy got dealt a pretty severe blow by a certain free agent. Leading us to...

270. Kevin Durant's Legacy

So as you may or may not have heard, Kevin Durant joined the Golden State Warriors this summer in a decision that loomed above the NBA for months and still shocked everyone out of sheer magnitude. It also created a vicious dichotomy for KD in the Court of Public Opinion; dividing those who harp he took the easy way out, and those who insist he made the best choice for his "legacy".

The reality to a large degree is that Durant did both.

He's put himself in remarkably good position to win multiple titles, and though he's unlikely to snag another MVP, he's right to act in the interest of rings if he wants to be remembered among the all-time greats. And he absolutely does.

Durant saw first hand just how difficult winning a title in a small market is. OKC struck a series of jackpot draft picks unlike any team in recent memory, and still, year after year, ran into either an untimely injury or a historic team. He's hedged his bets accordingly.

But in the process he's set professional basketball in Oklahoma City back a good decade. He's not only leaving a proud franchise he basically birthed from an ugly Seattle exit, but doing so after they came within God inheriting Klay Thompson's body of making the Finals. For the team that beat them.

He's sealed his Thunder's fate among the NBA's all-time 'What If' teams, and probably created a greater philosophical inquiry of his (likely) rings than anyone before him.

245. Phoenix Suns

230. Portland Trailblazers

209. Houston Rockets 
Dwight Howard's departure has to be seen as a net plus. Many metrics pointed to the Rockets being better without him last year, and his pseudo-jovial petulance is a detriment to any team's chemistry.

Meanwhile, they picked up a couple former Pelicans who (when healthy) provide great spacing for James Harden's free-throw forays to the paint. Moreyball may have overpaid for Ryan Anderson, but got reasonable value on Eric Gordon, two guys who fit his system well.

184. Draymond Green's Snapchat Account
Became a powerful source of memes, great parodies and Team USA bonding this summer, if only through unwittingly showing his penis to millions of people.

168. Austin Rivers' Contract
While he continues to be given a healthy leash by having dad as both coach and GM, it says a lot about the state of the NBA offseason that Rivers' 3-year/$35 million deal doesn't seem that ridiculous.

145. Los Angeles Lakers 
As the Lakers' heavy rebuild hits Defcon 2 with the clock whittling away on Jimmy Buss, they've overall had a strong few months. LA's Other Team signed good deals (Luol Deng, Jordan Clarkson) and bad ones (Timofey Mozgov, Yi Jianlian for some reason), but overall take a win on the offseason.

Buss is still a dog to hit his lofty deadline, but the Lakers are now freed from Kobe's oppressive contract, and have a player they can possibly build around in Brandon Ingram. They'll have a decent outlook once someone smarter than Jimmy is spending the money.

115. Memphis Grizzlies

Keeping Mike Conley is massive, and speaks to the loyalty bred from the Grizzlies' culture. And also perhaps that Conley's max under the new cap made him (before LeBron's new deal) the highest-paid player ever.

Gasp-worthy as that may be, it was a victory for the Grizzlies (and small-market franchises) that saved them from a total rebuild in Marc Gasol's prime. It also came as a morality boost after a season in which legions of injuries, and concerns about Robert Pera's ownership style haunted #GNG.

But Memphis also doubled-down and maxed-out Chandler Parsons. While the debate about that expenditure's legitimacy is itself legitimate, Memphis is defiantly refusing to quit. Sure they have virtually no chance of winning a title and will max-out as a 3/4-seed, but they're playing it to the bone. They're the anti-tankers; a refreshing sight in today's NBA.

89. Orlando Magic
So their frontcourt's a little crowded. Adding Serge Ibaka and Bismack Biyombo (more on him in a moment) to the Vucevic/Gordon combo gives Orlando considerable size, depth and the rim protection they've sorely lacked the past few seasons.

The question thus becomes whether the trigger-happy Rob Hennigan is just stockpiling assets for another deal, or actually plans on making this seemingly over-sized rotation work.

71. Philadelphia 76ers
Things are finally, kind of, coming to together for #TheProcess - if only Sam Hinkie were still around to see it:

Philly netted the #1 pick, managed to draft a guy who isn't a center, have an apparently-healthy Joel Embiid, and maintained their mountains of cap room. In fact, the Sixers' biggest concern at this point will be hitting the league's $84 million salary floor next year.

Better yet, with the Nets in utter disarray and no means to better themselves, the Sixers can finally be freed of stigmatization as the NBA's resident eyesore.


63. Joel Embiid
Continues to kill social media, and actually appeared on film playing basketball for the first time in several years.

49. Kent Bazemore
Couldn't have found himself in a better spot, hosting his coming out party over the biggest Contract Year in history, at a time when 3-and-D swingmen are a prime asset in a wing-deprived market.

Bazemore made off huge this summer for a guy who enthusiastically warmed the Warriors' bench 20 months ago, no two ways about it. But of the many sketchy contracts free agents were gifted with this summer, his potential to blossom might be the most realistic.

34. John Leuer
I mean sure, what the hell! 4 years, $42 million! Why not!

29. Solomon Hill

26. The Cleveland Cavaliers
They are the champs and everything, but Golden State just made a power move on them unlike any we've ever seen.

25. Pau Gasol
Getting out of Chicago was enough but landing with the Spurs makes Pau a large winner.


24. DeMarcus Cousins' Trade Odds
The writing has to be on the wall here, with Cousins perpetually perturbed, and the Kings acquiring like 50 centers under an owner who can do literally anything.

The issues of Cousins' petulant demeanor are well-chronicled, but the Nuggets should just ante up, re-unite DMC with Mike Malone, and reap the ensuing benefits.

23. Rasheed Wallace
Everyone knew Dame Lillard would spit nice, but the gully bars that Sheed laid down on the #SoFarGoneChallenge (while driving no less) were one of the summer's best videos.

22. Tristan Thompson
For doing maybe the most Canadian thing ever.

21. Carmelo Anthony
While his team's still not competing for that ever-elusive Finals trip, Melo might've on-the-low sealed his Hall of Fame bid this summer as the first man ever to win three Olympic golds in basketball.

20. Joakim Noah
Had the last two years of his career conveniently ignored by the Knicks during contract offers.

19. Ryan Anderson
He'll fit well in Houston, and 4 yrs/$80 million is very generous for a less-than-healthy one-way gunner whose best years are perhaps behind him.

18. Frank Vogel

17. Kris Dunn

16. Indiana Pacers

Lots of people hated the Vogel departure, despite his inconclusive results with Indiana. He presided
over Pacers teams that both massively over and underachieved, with a clear hallmark of stout defense and offensive deficiency. A Larry Bird team could only suck at scoring for so long.

Jeff Teague, Al Jefferson and Thad Young are all offensive upgrades over their predecessors, and Nate McMillian was likely a good fit as a Vogel replacement. Unless the Pacers' defense completely crumbles without George and Solomon Hill, they'll climb the East standings.

15. Chandler Parsons

14. Utah Jazz
One of the offseason's multi-way winners. They finally found a starting point guard in George Hill; one who won't command the ball too much or be Trey Burke. This still-young squad also benefits from a year of experience, continuity, and one can hope better health.

Count circumstance among the Jazz's fortunes too. With the West in heavy flux below the top-3, Utah could make serious strides up the playoff bracket. Quin Snyder for Coach of the Year; you heard it here first.

13. Ian Mahinmi

12. Pre-Existing Kevin Durant Championship Bets

11. The Summer of JR



10. Bismack Biyombo
Five months ago, Bismack Biyombo was a defensive specialist and capable backup, but a limited offensive game had kept him from seeing heavy minutes. He made $3 million last year.

His impact on the Raptors' shaky second-unit defense was one of their brightest spots this season; one that culminated in the most important playoff run they'd ever embarked on. It was there that Jonas Valanciunas was sidelined, and Biyombo vaulted from on-the-low-bench stud to maybe the breakout player of the 2016 Playoffs. His sublime glass-waxing, elite rim protection and impact energy plays were one of the Raptors' few consistent sparks.

While Biz might've already been in line for a slight raise, his value thus skyrocketed - to 4 yrs/$70 million - due to a very timely injury. Biyombo may have just financially benefited more from a teammate's sidelining than any player in history. Hope he's buying Jonas a car or something.

9. Russell Westbrook

While acting in self-interest and getting the most money, Westbrook is now an Oklahoma folk hero for re-upping after Durant bolted. He also has the team to himself now. While his title odds took a massive hit, he can make perhaps the closest run at Oscar Robertson's triple-double-season mark we've seen yet.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves
Sometimes everything just falls into place for a franchise. Take Minnesota, where the often-frail Wolves have landed back-to-back #1 picks, one of whom is a star in the making, the other is already perhaps the single most valuable long-term asset in the NBA.

With the last two Rookies of the Year in tow, the Wolves now have a serious shot at a third with Kris Dunn, making former PG prodigy Ricky Rubio - their highest-paid player - expendable. Minnesota can now potentially clear even more cap space for the future by dealing Pretty Ricky.

Then of course there's the bench upgrade from Sam Mitchell to Tom Thibodeau, which is like replacing a Hungry Man Salisbury Steak with wagyu ribeye. For a team with such young talent, Thibs will be a great source of knowledge, discipline, experience, and most notably - work ethic.

Already League Pass heavyweights, the Wolves only built upon perhaps the league's brightest future.

7. Timofey Mozgov, Allen Crabbe & Tyler Johnson

There will a be an ESPN 30-for-30 made someday about this year's NBA Offseason. About the oceans of money that were set ablaze in a perfect storm of salary influx and a shallow free agency class. Among the deals of particular note that will be highlighted:

Timofey Mozgov, the once-sought low-post brute who regressed all season, eventually falling completely out of the Cavs' rotation. He now makes $16 million/year, or more than any player in the NHL.

Allen Crabbe, the potential breakout 3-and-D wing whom the Nets inked to a restricted 4-year $74 millon script. Portland swallowed the pill and matched. The Blazers now cutting $18.5 million to a backup wing with career averages of 7/2/1 has helped balloon their payroll to a league-high $119 million.

And Tyler Johnson; inconsistent bench guard, also inked by the Nets to a literally vomit-inducing 4-years, $50 million. Unshaken by the Nets' manic spending spree, Pat Riley opened the coffers and matched the back-loaded deal, which gives Johnson a combined $38.5 million over its final two seasons.

Though the potential to redeem these whale contracts exists, these guys are already being paid beyond the apex of their realistic projections. Huge offseason winners.

6. Mike Conley
Much love as I have for Iron Mike, the fact that a 0-time All-Star spent a brief moment as the highest-paid player in NBA history is simply incredible.

5. Boston Celtics
Landing Al Horford was a significant coup for this precocious bunch of scrappers, consolidating their talent and solving their longtime search for a starting center. More significantly, they managed to do it without going over the cap or giving up any of their asset horde, leaving Danny Ainge plenty of ammo to make another blockbuster move. The Celtics are probably already favorites to nab the East's #2 seed.

4. Hassan Whiteside
Was playing in Lebanon two years ago. Just signed a $98 million contract, and could be a franchise cornerstone with the Wade Era now over.


3. LeBron James
LeBron not only got to revel in the spotlight of the greatest Finals performance ever, but gave himself a record contract. The Warriors have dealt a major blow to his Cavs' repeat odds, but this summer was LeBron's Moment in a career littered with so many LeBron Moments.

His career path - "legacy" if you will - isn't hurt that much by the Durant signing either way. If the Warriors beat him in the Finals rubber-match only injury can derail, they had to assemble arguably the greatest team ever to do so. If LeBron somehow emerges from this with another ring though, that's serious G.O.A.T material.

2. Harrison Barnes

I thought the notion of giving Barnes a max deal was incredulous before he came out and projectile vomited all over the Warriors' failed title defense; the kind of gaffe that normally costs a player millions in a contract year.

Mark Cuban knows things about investments that I don't, but the metrics suggest Barnes is overrated as is without the added expectation amid much worse surroundings. Even in an offseason of financial anarchy, how Barnes made off with this much money is unsustainable and sickening.

1. Golden State Warriors
It's still kind of hard to fathom. A team winning 73 games one year, then acquiring likely the 3rd-best player in the NBA for fifteen cents on the dollar.

The Warriors are going to be a terrifying offensive machine that will rack up the easiest buckets we've ever seen against any non-elite defense. It's going to be insulting how routine they'll make it look.


The Death Lineup just became exponentially scarier, with Durant's lethal scoring replacing Barnes' inconsistent shooting, and his length enabling him to cover even more space and bigger bodies on D. Getting Zaza Pachulia on the cheap was great Bogut insurance; with veterans riding them in every-trendy ring hunts (David West really making Ray Allen eat his words) they can fill out a bench to complement the best 7-man rotation ever.

Dub Nation is now very short on rim protection, but that seems trivial in the scope of what's just happened. This team is going to be fucking impossible to defend. It's supremely unlikely they go for a new wins record after last year's playoff semi-burnout, but we're about to witness devastation on a mass level.

Banter's 2016 All-Stars

All-Star voting. Don't get me started.

Whatever, too late. The whole process is backwards; starting with the fan voting. It's a popularity contest, which at the same time is used as a highly-touted yardstick when measuring a player's legacy and/or Hall-of-Fame credentials. The sometimes-quizzical coaches do a by-and-large better job of putting the right guys on the bench, but even they are subject to bias and error.

The NBA made a nice adjustment a few years back, eliminating the forced "Center" position to reflect the increasingly perimeter-oriented nature of the game. But even that measure has left out many deserving players, with more All-Star caliber guards than the NBA has ever seen.

Put simply, there's fewer All-Star spots available to the positions with the most talent. A "Perimeter"/"Frontcourt" designation with more spots allocated to the former would make a logical next step for wing players- we live in a world where Kobe Bryant was somehow just voted in as a Forward.

While the coaches did a mostly solid job of mopping up the mess left by the starters' voting, let's wipe the slate clean and travel to an alternate universe where I decide the All-Stars because I'm clearly smarter than every NBA coach, and the millions of fans who cast votes.

Using an abstractly weighted assessment of the player's overall season (Personal Performance x Team Success), I've come up with the 24 guys who truly deserve to be repping the title "All-Star" this season; the guys who have defined the season with outstanding play. Here are Banter's 2016 All-Star picks:

EAST STARTERS

G - Kyle Lowry

Lowry was already an elite two-way PG, but over the summer he lost a visible amount of weight and has thus attacked this season with the voracity of his former self at In-N-Out. Still an aggressive bull on both ends, Lowry's now a step quicker, and possesses greater bounce. It's translated to him averaging career-highs in (points+assists), rebounds, and steals - the latter of which he sits 2nd in the league.

Meanwhile the Raptors have somewhat-surprisingly been perhaps the East's steadiest team this year, and the only ones really threatening Cleveland's #1 seed. Canadian fans pulled a last-ditch rally to bump Lowry into the starting lineup for the 2nd straight year, and there's no question this time it was deserved.

G - Jimmy Butler
Much like Lowry, Butler's a menace on both ends of the court for one of the conference's best teams. While the Bulls have had some periods of adjustment through a new coach and their usual boatload of injuries, Jimmy's been a monstrous presence, carrying Chicago offensively for stretches and willing them to wins by himself on several occasions.

Unfortunately it's doesn't look like the Windy City has enough huff & puff to challenge Cleveland in the East this year, but even with John Wall's recent rampage of box score destruction, Butler's been the better season-long player for a top-3 team, making this spot his.

F- LeBron James
25/7/6, with a combined 2 steals/blocks per game would be a banner year for 99.9% of the NBA. For LeBron, it's become routine, beyond the point of being taken for granted. The Cavs have coasted to the #1 spot, even through chemistry issues, injuries and unforeseen coach-firings, and LeBron's pretty much been LeBron; as automatic an All-Star starter as has existed in the NBA.

F- Paul George
Both the Pacers and George have cooled off slightly after completely scintillating starts to the season, but in a conference somewhat light on compelling cases for starters, PG is a total no-brainer. He's rebounded from his injury-porn broken leg to have his best year statistically so far.

Moreover the Pacers have been pleasantly competitive over a first half marred by injuries and large doses of unfamiliarity on a mostly-flipped roster. Even if they'd slid outside the playoff bracket, George would still be a must-start.

F - Paul Millsap
Lost in the usual rhetoric about the Hawks' team play and their slight stumble in the East standings is that Millsap is having an absolute monster of a season. Already one of the NBA's most versatile players, he's currently averaging career highs in all five of the major statistical categories. He sits top-10 in steals, top-20 and blocks and rebounds, and top-30 in scoring. Millsap's brilliance has been subtle (aside from this vicious assault on John Henson) and unheralded, but he rounds out a fairly obvious East frontcourt. #SmallBall.

EAST BENCH

G - John Wall
Has been playing the best ball of his career over the past six weeks. Even with the Wizards decimated by injury and performing well below par, he needs to be here.

G - Demar DeRozan
DeRozan's smoothly transitioned from a mid-range gunner to a relentless attacker who shoots the third-most free throws in the NBA. He's top-ten scorer on a top-two team, making it very hard not to give the host Raptors a 2nd All-Star.

F - Carmelo Anthony
Melo has been getting jerked off a lot lately for trusting his teammates, trying on defense, and more or less playing the way everyone's been wishing he would for a decade now. Regardless, the Knicks are far less of a laughing stock, so Anthony's All-Star stock has risen as well.

F - Chris Bosh
Not that the Heat "need" an All-Star by any logical stretch, but both Bosh and Dwyane Wade (who's been remarkably durable this year) carry decent cases for bench spots. In the end, the Boshtrich gets the nod, largely due to having more potential roster spots and less competition.

F - Andre Drummond
If you can stomach the absolutely abhorrent free-throw shooting, Drummond's a destructive force that's cleared a path for Detroit's seemingly likely return to the playoffs. Hasn't dropped as many 20/20s lately, but still has left a large crater in this season.

WC - Isaiah Thomas
The first Wild Card spot goes to Thomas, who's having a borderline-dominant offensive season as the heartbeat of the wily, cagey Celtics, who thanks to the new division champs rules, are a game back of homecourt in the East.

WC - Pau Gasol
This spot comes down to a bunch of guys with somewhat-compelling cases. I changed my mind 2 or 3 times and went with Pau, still putting gaudy numbers on the board for a top-3 team, which none of the guys below can really front on.

REGARDS TO: Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Reggie Jackson, Dwyane Wade, Nicolas Batum, Kevin Love

WEST STARTERS

G - Stephen Curry
Duh.

G - Russell Westbrook
Westbrook's been a supremely destructive force on box scores and defenders alike, offset only slightly by Kevin Durant's return to health. Russ sits 7th in scoring and 2nd in assists, accounting for more raw offensive output than anyone but Chef Curry. For good measure, he also leads all guards in rebounding, and the entire league in steals.

Westbrook's relentlessly undying energy is a perpetual force of nature on the basketball court. You can expect the reigning All-Star MVP to put up a solid title defense, simply because he doesn't understand the meaning of "not trying".

F - Kevin Durant
It hasn't taken long for the Slim Reaper to slay all that preseason fretting about his foot and the total hatchet job OKC's medical staff pulled on it last year. Playing slightly fewer minutes than seasons past, his output is par for the Durant course, among the league's scoring leaders, shooting dangerously close to 50/40/90. Welcome back KD.

F - Kawhi Leonard

That season we were all waiting for, when Timmy, Tony and Manu finally turned the reigns over and Kawhi Leonard was fully unleashed, is happening. Not only is he continuing to wreak utter havoc on the defensive end, he's dropping a career-high 20/game on arguably the most efficient-shooting season in NBA history. Not even LaMarcus Aldridge's arrival has been enough to offset the assertion that it's Leonard Time.

F- Draymond Green
You have to love Draymond Green. He backs up every single brash and/or boisterous statement he makes with a pure embodiment of (sorry, Grizzlies) Grit and Grind. This guy isn't a transcendent athlete, he wasn't blessed with any otherwordly talents (like, say one of his teammates). He's just a very smart basketball player who hustles on every play and has busted his ass over the past 18 months to expand his game.

As a result, you'd be very hard-pressed to name a more versatile player in the league, such that he's averaging numbers nobody has since Grant Hill 19 years ago. To boot, Dr. Dray kicks in almost 3 steals/blocks per game, while capably guarding as wide a range of opponents as anyone. Curry may be the Warriors' best player, but Green is their heart, hustle, and a borderline MVP candidate himself.


WEST BENCH

G - Chris Paul
The Clippers were a sinking ship in November, but Paul's return to full health has sparked a dramatic resurgence in Blake Griffin's absence. They're back in the top-4, largely due to CP3's dominance on both ends.

(side note: I single out "CP3" as one of two examples of those dumb, once-trendy initial-to-number nicknames that should be used. The monosyllabic rhyme-rattle just works too well. The other is CB4, which is probably the coolest thing Chris Bosh has ever initiated, even if unwittingly.

G - James Harden
Houston's been a pretty big disappointment this year, but Harden's been a beast. You can only penalize a guy so much for his team, and there's no denying The Beard belongs. He's still putting up LeBron-esque numbers, so book his ticket.

F - Dirk Nowitzki
The Mavs aren't quite a team that demands an All-Star, but their unexpected status as mortal locks for the West playoffs is noteworthy, as is Dirk's refusal to quit leading a competitive team. This isn't a "Legacy Nod" like the fans gave Kobe, this is a "Still Got It" nod.

F - Anthony Davis
The Pels have been bit by the injury bug, the inconsistency bug, and the "All our Centers Suck" bug, but Davis is doing what he can. He hasn't yet displayed the growth many had hoped for this year, but the player he already was is really fucking good.

F- DeMarcus Cousins
Another West star who started the season in an injury-mired funk, Cousins has been Godzilla on the block this month, averaging an absurd 34 & 14 on 61% True Shooting. The Kings are also fighting for a suddenly-available playoff spot, making the All-Star game an official Boogie Nights production.

WC - Klay Thompson
The competition for the final two spots here was a lot fiercer than in the East, but Klay seems like a relatively easy pick. His numbers have dipped ever-so-slightly with Curry in GodMode, but Golden State might be the best team in history, so, you know...

WC - Damian Lillard
Finally there's the often slept-on Damian Lillard, who's been putting up outrageous numbers for a Portland team that maybe five people on Earth thought would fight for the playoffs this year. Even if he's a crappy defender, he's a destructive offensive player whose team's highly-unlikely 'success' propels his case.

Regards To: Marc Gasol, LaMarcus Aldridge, DeAndre Jordan Gordon Hayward, Rajon Rondo