Got It Twisted: The MVP Ballots

Well, what we long suspected is official: Lebron James has etched his name in another Podoloff trophy, cementing his legacy among the greatest in NBA history, and making him likely, already, the best player to not have won a title. But not only should we be celebrating Lebron's maturation instead of still slighting him for last season, there isn't much to really talk about here; Lebron completely dominated every possible facet of a basketball game this year (even slightly improving his Achilles-esque free throw shooting) and as good as Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, and yes even Kobe were this year, if you don't think Lebron deserves the MVP, then you don't deserve a say in who gets these awards. In fact, one apparent "expert" gave Queen James a fifth-place vote (and another a fourth) which just hurts my brain trying to put into words, so after about ten minutes, I've pretty much given up.

The NBA intentionally allows voters to vaguely interpret "Value" by not setting out specific criteria. While this sparks debate, curiosity, and competition, it also promotes lunacy and bias, allowing for some completely dubious selections, and subsequent fodder for verbal warfare. While I wish the minds that decided these matters were keen enough to steer such an important task through abstraction, it's highly obvious that they need to be kept on a tighter leash, as evidenced not only by Lebron's anomalous 5-slot, but by the following examples of utter ridiculousness:

Dwight Howard - 3rd (1), 4th (1), 5th (5)

This might seem a bit hypocritical; I gave Howard the DPOY a few weeks ago without holding his year's worth of shenanigans against him. I tried to separate his immature mentality from his on-court performance, and felt that even at 75%, he was still he best defender in the League this year, his constant ability to alter a team's gameplan by mere presence still resonating. But this is a whole different story. Let's talk about "Value", principally defined by Merriam Webster as 'a fair return or equivalent in good, services, or money, for something exchanged'.  

The Orlando Magic paid Dwight Howard $17,149,243 this year to help them win an NBA championship. Instead of play his hardest and focus on the team, as he should, Howard half-assed it, coasting through games, expanding nothing about his game, having an obvious disconnect with his teammates, and committing more to his Twitter account than the Magic organization. All year this went on; you could call it pretentious if people weren't eating InDecision up like McNuggets. We thought it had finally come to an end when Howard re-upped at the deadline......But no. After already handcuffing the Magic's ability to build for the future for entire year, Dwight then sought to re-model the team in his eye, beginning with the attempted covert mid-season offing of Stan Van Gundy. As usual, Howard didn't handle things very smoothly and the news became public, creating an awkward rift that conveniently led to his first prolonged injury absence ever and the end of his time in Orlando, as they bowed out of the Playoffs' first round. Aside from being by far the most irritating, Dwight Howard was, at least by some definitions, the least valuable player in the NBA this season. 

Derrick Rose - 3rd (1) 

Not sure what logic led to this selection (likely a couple draught and an Illinois area code), but it's pretty mind-numbing. Derrick Rose is a very good basketball player; the reigning MVP and a consensus Top-10 player. That being said, if you were a die-hard Bulls fan who'd just awoken from a coma, and immediately asked how the Bulls did this year, if I told you Derrick Rose sat out almost half of this season, I could take everything you own on a bet that they tied for the League's best record. Not only is it ridiculous to be giving a vote to a player who spent as much time in Versace as Adidas, this season proved, if anything,    Chicago's a lot better without Rose than any of us thought. 

Dirk Nowitzki - 4th (1), 5th (1)

OK, Dirk put a ring on it, and he was amazing, we all saw. This year? Granted, he was coming back from an offseason of injury recovery and admitted complacency, but let's look at the raw numbers (I hate leaning on stats but this is an easy way to prove a redundant argument): Dirk averaged 21.6 ppg/6.7 rpg this season, shooting .457 from the field. You've gotta dig back to 99-00 - Diggler's second season - to find lower scoring and rebound averages, and he hasn't shot so poorly since his rookie season. The Mavs finished seventh in the West. And two people with the power to alter the course of basketball's most important regular season award think he was a top-five player this year? ......Yeahhhh, fuck off.

Tim Duncan - 4th (1)

This just kinda makes me laugh. All due respect to Tim Duncan and his legendary career, but I can't even really take this seriously, so I'm going to have some fun here; let's lean on more stats: If Brandon Jennings, DeMarcus Cousins, Chris Bosh, Antawn Jamison, Demar DeRozan, Paul Millsap, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Ty Lawson and Ryan Anderson averaged more points than you did this season, while playing fewer minutes than Hedo Turkoglu, Jared Dudley, Gordon Hayward, Marco Benlinelli, Alonzo Gee, Chandler Parsons and Zaza Pachulia, then you have no place on the MVP ballot. Some moron looked at San Antonio in first place, saw the forest for the trees, then clear-cut the entire thing with his giant theoretical bulldozer.  

Joe Johnson - 5th (1) 

After getting a good giggle in, this just kind of depresses me. It's sad for so many reasons: Joe Johnson's constantly playing at about 85-90%; the Hawks are paying him wayyyy too much money to lead them into a purgatory of mediocrity; Josh Smith has to endure yet another reminder of how much his season was slept on, and Larry Drew will have to deal with another quasi-meltdown as a result. Mostly it saddens me to think that someone who respects their knowledge of basketball enough to cover the NBA as a professional is either corrupted or stupid enough to think Joe Johnson was the 5th-best player in the League this year. In all honesty without a shred of bias of misconception, this guy wasn't definitely the best player on his own team this season, and they middled out in what's still the shallower playoff bracket. What the flying fucking hell is he doing anywhere near the MVP trophy? This is too much: the NBA needs to do something, ANYTHING between guiding these voters and replacing them, because anyone with half a brain who knows basketball and looks at these results has to start taking this as a bit of a joke. And any true NBA fan who has respect for the game and wants the best for it wants to see this award celebrated, not mocked. So, with that in mind, let's salute something they did get right: Your 2012 MVP, Lebron James. 

Your REAL 2010 All-Stars

With the NBA's annual midseason classic a few short weeks away, it's once again time for the league's fans and coaches to team up and decide who will don the venerable All-Star tag. In theory this concept allows fans to see the players they want and be engaged in the process, while providing a certain degree of legitimacy through some more educated selections. What's unfolded instead is a dubious conundrum skewed by varying perceptions, position restrictions and the stupidity of "fans" who still think Tracy McGrady is one of the two best guards in the West. Every year, deserving players watch from the stands as their lessers don All-Star unis and take to the court on false premises. Paying some regard to team success, the guys on the court should be the class of the Association; its best players. Here's who they've been so far this season:



EAST STARTERS
G - Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
The Heat have surprised nobody with their mediocre showing so far this year, and Wade's fallen a step from last year when he was making a very loud MVP push. 27/5/6 are nothing to frown about (or be blasted by your GM) though, Wade's easily been the best guard in the East this year.


G- Joe Johnson, Atlanta Hawks
Now that the Hawks have apparently arrived to the East's penthouse, Johnson should've gotten his proper dues as a starter (apparently Allen Iverson's just been too remarkable this year). A killer two-way player, Johnson's contributions were criminally underrated for years because Atlanta sucked. It's sad to see the same thing happening now that they're winning.


F- Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Not so much of a stretch to include a guy dropping 30/7/8 for the conference's best team. I could go on about James' All-Star credentials but I'd be wasting my and your time.


F- Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors
The Raptors have played schizophrenically all year, their one model of consistency being Bosh, who's having a career year and is the only thing standing between Toronto and another lottery gamble. What's worse is that if he's still wearing a Raptors uniform far past the All-Star break, a shallow draft pool will be the least of Bryan Colangelo's concerns.


C- Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
Not to slight Dwight at all but being called the best center in the East these days isn't much of a compliment. It doesn't take much to lock this spot down; leading the L in blocks and boards is more than enough.


RESERVES
G - Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics
His jumper's still uglier than Tyrone Hill after a triple-OT loss, but remains about the only flaw in Rondo's game. He scores when needed, rebounds very well for a skinny guard, and sits third in the league in assists while leading it in steals.


G - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls
While he hasn't exploded like some heads predicted, Rose has been Chicago's best player and a worthy candidate in a conference where a sub-.500 record still but you in the playoff, and therefore All-Star, discussion. The Bulls were involved in some of the ugliest on-court debacles in the first half, but little if any of it can be blamed on Rose's tenacious attacking and playmaking.


F - Gerald Wallace, Charlotte Bobcats
If playoff contention demands All-Star votes, then Charlotte's (likely) first postseason appearance should coincide well with this guy being named their first All-Star. 18/11 look too nice; Wallace's own inclination to injury will be the only thing stopping him from making Bobcats history.


F - Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Boston's been far from healthy this year, and Pierce has done nothing to suggest he should relinquish his requisite All-Star nod. Fans already voted in KG, and Rajon's a near-lock, so the coaches might shun a third player from the Celtics, which is a damn shame.


C - David Lee, New York Knicks
An All-Star on the Knicks? What the fuck am I smoking? Well, there's gotta be a center on here somewhere, and Dale Davis wasn't available...So the coaches could do much worse than voting a guy dropping 19/11 on a team playing better than anyone could've expected.


F - Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks
For years, NBA coaches have indiscriminately awarded All-Star spots to mediocre players on good teams, following the logic that their contributions were more important because of team success. Riding that train of thought, Smith's stat-stuffing antics should be more than enough to snag his All-Star V-chip now that the Hawks' Mike Woodson could very well be coaching the East (Mike Brown's ineligible, as he had the honor last year).

G - Mo Williams, Cleveland Cavaliers
Before he went down with a shoulder injury, William was primed to make his second consecutive appearance with the Cavs holding court in the East standings. Even though he'll be unable to play, I'm still awarding him this spot because a) the Cavs 'need' a second All-Star and b) Who the fuck else deserves this spot? Gilbert Arenas?


WEST STARTERS
G - Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
I'm sure a lot of people are wondering how I could sleep on Steve Nash here. Well hop on over to nba.com and peep Paul's redundant but still incredible stat line. He's arguably the best point guard of this generation, doing all he can to keep the Hornets' heads above water while they try to shed excess weight like nervous girl before the prom. Remember it's the All-Star game, not the All- Team Success game; and CP3's excellence demands a starting spot.

G - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Score at will on anybody. Play through lingering injuries. Hit multiple icy game-winning heartbreakers. Lead the NBA's best team...blah blah blah. You get it.


F - Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
This has been Melo's finest season; he's not only managed to avoid any juvenile stupidity for a whole calendar year, but is leading the league in scoring and has the Nuggets contending for a second division title. A no-brainer, even among a glut of talented West forwards.


F - Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder
Nipping at Melo's heels in the scoring race is Durant, who's exploded onto the scene as a prodigious phenom who, at 21, is already hearing MVP chants from both over-zealous fans and experienced analysts. The Thunder are making serious playoff noise in the deep West, and his play has been central among many pleasant surprises in Oklahoma City.


C - Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns
Now that Yao Ming's on the shelf for a whole season and we've been spared the onslaught of Chinese nationals pounding out All-Star ballots like Nike kicks, we're left with a struggle to find a legitimate center to replace him. The fans did well to vote in Stoudemire, who's a power forward by trade but spends a lot more time in the post than anyone else on the Suns' roster, and is talented enough to transcend a minor technicality.


RESERVES
G - Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
Phoenix got off to a somewhat surprising start, and though they've cooled down as they've spent more time on the road, Nash has been as impressive as ever; 18/11 on something stupid from the field, stripe and long range.

G - Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers
Fans have come to expect a lot from this guy, but Roy's been just short of dominant this season in leading the Blazers to a relatively secure hold on a playoff spot given their inevitable (Greg Oden) and unfortunate (Travis Outlaw, Ghostface Pryzbilla) injuries.

F - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
The Tim Duncan Robot continues to depreciate at an impressively slow rate; his 20/10/3/2 still come as efficiently as ever. It remains to be seen if the Spurs can live up to the preseason contender hype, but falling short will be no fault of Duncan's.

F - Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
Pencil in another All-Star nod for Diggler, who's leading a maligned Mavs team with no consistent second option or post threat to a 2-seed. He's been impressive and consistent, which is about all the nice stuff I'm prepared to say about him.

C - Pau Gasol, Los Angeles Lakers
Although he's missed a solid chunk of the season with hamstring injuries, Gasol's made undeniable contributions to the A's best team going into the break. The Lakers deserve a second All-Star, and Pau's the clear choice.

F- Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies
The acquisition of two black holes on a talented young team was mocked preseason, but while one was quickly and unceremoniously let go, the other has been an absolute beast and has the Grizz (maybe) in contention for a playoff spot.

G - Deron Williams, Utah Jazz
The Jazz have been a bit of an enigma, but Williams' stellar play has buoyed a team that's been openly shopping its former franchise player for most of the year and has serious doubts surrounding its intentions for the immediate future. This should/will be (no joke) Deron's first All-Star game.

Clearly things aren't going to play out this way; several guys who've spent too much time on the sidelines are already starting and the coaches are never on the same page about who plays where or what constitutes an All-Star. If Andrew Bogut or whoever somehow sneaks in there I won't be surprised, but here's hoping the right guys end up representing the NBA on its most star-studded night.