Your REAL 2010 All-Stars

With the NBA's annual midseason classic a few short weeks away, it's once again time for the league's fans and coaches to team up and decide who will don the venerable All-Star tag. In theory this concept allows fans to see the players they want and be engaged in the process, while providing a certain degree of legitimacy through some more educated selections. What's unfolded instead is a dubious conundrum skewed by varying perceptions, position restrictions and the stupidity of "fans" who still think Tracy McGrady is one of the two best guards in the West. Every year, deserving players watch from the stands as their lessers don All-Star unis and take to the court on false premises. Paying some regard to team success, the guys on the court should be the class of the Association; its best players. Here's who they've been so far this season:



EAST STARTERS
G - Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
The Heat have surprised nobody with their mediocre showing so far this year, and Wade's fallen a step from last year when he was making a very loud MVP push. 27/5/6 are nothing to frown about (or be blasted by your GM) though, Wade's easily been the best guard in the East this year.


G- Joe Johnson, Atlanta Hawks
Now that the Hawks have apparently arrived to the East's penthouse, Johnson should've gotten his proper dues as a starter (apparently Allen Iverson's just been too remarkable this year). A killer two-way player, Johnson's contributions were criminally underrated for years because Atlanta sucked. It's sad to see the same thing happening now that they're winning.


F- Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Not so much of a stretch to include a guy dropping 30/7/8 for the conference's best team. I could go on about James' All-Star credentials but I'd be wasting my and your time.


F- Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors
The Raptors have played schizophrenically all year, their one model of consistency being Bosh, who's having a career year and is the only thing standing between Toronto and another lottery gamble. What's worse is that if he's still wearing a Raptors uniform far past the All-Star break, a shallow draft pool will be the least of Bryan Colangelo's concerns.


C- Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
Not to slight Dwight at all but being called the best center in the East these days isn't much of a compliment. It doesn't take much to lock this spot down; leading the L in blocks and boards is more than enough.


RESERVES
G - Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics
His jumper's still uglier than Tyrone Hill after a triple-OT loss, but remains about the only flaw in Rondo's game. He scores when needed, rebounds very well for a skinny guard, and sits third in the league in assists while leading it in steals.


G - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls
While he hasn't exploded like some heads predicted, Rose has been Chicago's best player and a worthy candidate in a conference where a sub-.500 record still but you in the playoff, and therefore All-Star, discussion. The Bulls were involved in some of the ugliest on-court debacles in the first half, but little if any of it can be blamed on Rose's tenacious attacking and playmaking.


F - Gerald Wallace, Charlotte Bobcats
If playoff contention demands All-Star votes, then Charlotte's (likely) first postseason appearance should coincide well with this guy being named their first All-Star. 18/11 look too nice; Wallace's own inclination to injury will be the only thing stopping him from making Bobcats history.


F - Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Boston's been far from healthy this year, and Pierce has done nothing to suggest he should relinquish his requisite All-Star nod. Fans already voted in KG, and Rajon's a near-lock, so the coaches might shun a third player from the Celtics, which is a damn shame.


C - David Lee, New York Knicks
An All-Star on the Knicks? What the fuck am I smoking? Well, there's gotta be a center on here somewhere, and Dale Davis wasn't available...So the coaches could do much worse than voting a guy dropping 19/11 on a team playing better than anyone could've expected.


F - Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks
For years, NBA coaches have indiscriminately awarded All-Star spots to mediocre players on good teams, following the logic that their contributions were more important because of team success. Riding that train of thought, Smith's stat-stuffing antics should be more than enough to snag his All-Star V-chip now that the Hawks' Mike Woodson could very well be coaching the East (Mike Brown's ineligible, as he had the honor last year).

G - Mo Williams, Cleveland Cavaliers
Before he went down with a shoulder injury, William was primed to make his second consecutive appearance with the Cavs holding court in the East standings. Even though he'll be unable to play, I'm still awarding him this spot because a) the Cavs 'need' a second All-Star and b) Who the fuck else deserves this spot? Gilbert Arenas?


WEST STARTERS
G - Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
I'm sure a lot of people are wondering how I could sleep on Steve Nash here. Well hop on over to nba.com and peep Paul's redundant but still incredible stat line. He's arguably the best point guard of this generation, doing all he can to keep the Hornets' heads above water while they try to shed excess weight like nervous girl before the prom. Remember it's the All-Star game, not the All- Team Success game; and CP3's excellence demands a starting spot.

G - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Score at will on anybody. Play through lingering injuries. Hit multiple icy game-winning heartbreakers. Lead the NBA's best team...blah blah blah. You get it.


F - Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
This has been Melo's finest season; he's not only managed to avoid any juvenile stupidity for a whole calendar year, but is leading the league in scoring and has the Nuggets contending for a second division title. A no-brainer, even among a glut of talented West forwards.


F - Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder
Nipping at Melo's heels in the scoring race is Durant, who's exploded onto the scene as a prodigious phenom who, at 21, is already hearing MVP chants from both over-zealous fans and experienced analysts. The Thunder are making serious playoff noise in the deep West, and his play has been central among many pleasant surprises in Oklahoma City.


C - Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns
Now that Yao Ming's on the shelf for a whole season and we've been spared the onslaught of Chinese nationals pounding out All-Star ballots like Nike kicks, we're left with a struggle to find a legitimate center to replace him. The fans did well to vote in Stoudemire, who's a power forward by trade but spends a lot more time in the post than anyone else on the Suns' roster, and is talented enough to transcend a minor technicality.


RESERVES
G - Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
Phoenix got off to a somewhat surprising start, and though they've cooled down as they've spent more time on the road, Nash has been as impressive as ever; 18/11 on something stupid from the field, stripe and long range.

G - Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers
Fans have come to expect a lot from this guy, but Roy's been just short of dominant this season in leading the Blazers to a relatively secure hold on a playoff spot given their inevitable (Greg Oden) and unfortunate (Travis Outlaw, Ghostface Pryzbilla) injuries.

F - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
The Tim Duncan Robot continues to depreciate at an impressively slow rate; his 20/10/3/2 still come as efficiently as ever. It remains to be seen if the Spurs can live up to the preseason contender hype, but falling short will be no fault of Duncan's.

F - Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
Pencil in another All-Star nod for Diggler, who's leading a maligned Mavs team with no consistent second option or post threat to a 2-seed. He's been impressive and consistent, which is about all the nice stuff I'm prepared to say about him.

C - Pau Gasol, Los Angeles Lakers
Although he's missed a solid chunk of the season with hamstring injuries, Gasol's made undeniable contributions to the A's best team going into the break. The Lakers deserve a second All-Star, and Pau's the clear choice.

F- Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies
The acquisition of two black holes on a talented young team was mocked preseason, but while one was quickly and unceremoniously let go, the other has been an absolute beast and has the Grizz (maybe) in contention for a playoff spot.

G - Deron Williams, Utah Jazz
The Jazz have been a bit of an enigma, but Williams' stellar play has buoyed a team that's been openly shopping its former franchise player for most of the year and has serious doubts surrounding its intentions for the immediate future. This should/will be (no joke) Deron's first All-Star game.

Clearly things aren't going to play out this way; several guys who've spent too much time on the sidelines are already starting and the coaches are never on the same page about who plays where or what constitutes an All-Star. If Andrew Bogut or whoever somehow sneaks in there I won't be surprised, but here's hoping the right guys end up representing the NBA on its most star-studded night.

Half on the 82: The Midseason Awards

In what's seemed like a blink of an eye, the first half of the NBA regular season's sped by and we're already dawning on All-Star Weekend and the Trade Deadline. Things are gonna get pretty hectic over the next couple months, between the mad scrambling for financial flexibility in the offseason and the implications it'll have on the battle royale for the Larry O, we're in for some interesting days ahead. Not to say the season hasn't already been pretty entertaining so far. Here's a salute to the dudes who set themselves apart over the season's first half, the Basketball Banter Midseason Awards

Rookie of the Half: Tyreke Evans, Sacramento Kings

The Kings were destined for the Western Conference cellar this year, and although they're not making playoff moves, they've already won as many games as most heads predicted at the half. That they did this without their leading scorer can be attributed to the exploits of one Tyreke Evans, the explosive combo guard the Kings shrewdly scooped with the 4th pick last June. Reke's been an indomitable floor leader; a steady ball handler and distributor who can score at will against most defenses while being a hard-nosed stopper himself. The 20/5/5 he's averaging has him on pace to join some very elite company: Oscar Robertson, Michael Jordan and Lebron James are the only others to drop those numbers as rookies.

Regards to: Brandon Jennings, Omri Casspi, Ty Lawson

Defensive Player of the Half: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

Although he's had some ups and downs, and although the Magic have looked far from the juggernaut many took them for, Dwight's gotta be the favorite to snag his second DPOY. It's very difficult to deny a guy who leads the league in rebounds and blocks, and his role anchoring a skeptical Magic defense is vital. His lurking presence in the post keeps many would-be penetrators at bay, easing the defensive burdens of, say, Vince Carter or Jason Williams. If Orlando gets healthy and wakes up, a strong record would lend even more credence to his cause.

Regards to: Josh Smith, Gerald Wallace, Rajon Rondo

6th Man of the Half: Carl Landry, Houston Rockets

A perfect fit for Houston's balanced attack, Landry's game is rounded and solid, short on dominance but with even fewer weaknesses. Far from flashy, he was always ultra-efficient in limited minutes, but this season truly came into his own as a two-way sparkplug as Houston's first man off the bench and go-to guy in the clutch. Still one of the most effective scorers in the L (55% from the field, 85% from the stripe), Carl's biggest threat in this category might be his own play; with Houston lagging a bit, he's got 'starter' written all over him.

Regards to: Jamal Crawford, Lamar Odom, Anderson Varejao

Most Improved Player: Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics

Yeah, I know, it seems a little late suggesting that Rondo's "improved" upon a postseason that saw him average a shade under a triple-double over two very tough series. Still, it would be foolish to ignore the huge strides Rondo's made to become one of the A's elite point guards and every bit as key to Boston's success as the Hall of Famers that surround him. He's one of the League's peskiest defenders (hawking 2.5 balls/games) and has come into his own as a prolific playmaker and able scorer in the key. His numbers have improved (marginally) but only tell part of the story; Rondo's a much more poised floor general who deserves an All-Star nod.

Regards to: Carl Landry, Marc Gasol, Michael Beasley

Coach of the Half: Nate McMillan, Portland Trailblazers

Injuries. The bane of a coach's existence. Not only do they strip talent from the lineup, but put the onus on the bench boss to make adjustments on fly, balancing minutes, running new plays, compensating for new mismatches. In the case of this season's Portland Trailblazers, who have been decimated by injury like few in recent memory, their maintenance of a playoff spot through extended injuries to four rotation players (including both their centers), is a slight miracle that can be attributed to Nate's steady hand at the helm.

Regards to: Rick Adelman, Paul Westphal, Mike Brown

MVP: Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Now that the Cavs are comfortably back atop the East and have swept the season series with the Lakers, Lebron's usual eye-popping numbers have vaulted him to a comfortable lead in the MVP race, regardless of how you want to call it. Is the best player on a consensus top-3 (many would argue top-2 or just even top) team? Yes. Does he have the most impressive individual numbers? Absolutely. Has he ratcheted his game up another notch this year? Career-highs in all 3 shooting categories would sugest so. Has he been unstoppable in the fourth, single-handedly winning several games for the Cavs? You see where this is going...

Regards to: Kobe Bryant, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant

POWER RANKINGS!!!

As we inch towards the halfway point of the 09-10 season, it's time to take another look at how each team stacks up in the whole scheme of things: here's January's Power Rankings (last month's ranking in brackets)

30 (30) New Jersey Nets

Still on pace to set the record for single-season shittiness, the Nets have been reduced to targets for fantasy owners and tired teams. Thoughts of John Wall and Brooklyn's greener pastures are all they have to hold them over til April.

29 (29) Minnesota Timberwolves

Kevin Love's been a beast since his return last month, but this team still lacks the scoring punch and veteran presence to progress. They're a few seasons away from the playoffs.

28 (25) Golden State Warriors

Now that Andris Biedrins is back on the court they can field a legitimate lineup, but inexperience, inconsistency and defensive neglect will continue to plague them. They have several nice trade pieces and need to do somethng drastic.

27 (21) Detroit Pistons

Someone in the Motor City needs to call a mechanic. The Pistons have dropped ten in a row, mostly by double figures, and lost any sense of identity they might have held. Their $90 million men are playing reserve roles and the media's suddenly (gasp) calling for Joey D's head.

26 (24) Washington Wizards

This team had enough problems before Arenas' armed antics got him indefinitely suspended and shrouded everyone else in distraction. Any kind of turnaround and playoff chase this team could've hoped for now looks about as likely as Javaris Crittenton ever seeing that money Gilbert owes him.

25 (26) Philadelphia 76ers

They got AI back but still can't find any rhythm. Somehow, a group of talented youngsters that was supposed to leap into the East's upper echelon with the addition of Elton Brand has flatlined for a year and a half. It's confusing.

24 (27) Indiana Pacers

They rise by default because they've managed to be slightly less crappy than the teams below them through injuries to ther two best players, and just smoked Orlando at home. Other than that, things have been as irrelevant as usual in Indiana.

23 (28) New York Knicks

The Knicks have managed to play slightly better than I, or anyone else gave them credit for this year. Nate Robinson's once-falling trade stock may be on the rise after he returned from a month-long suspension by single-handedly winning his first game back against the Hawks.

22 (17) Sacramento Kings

They've cooled off a bit since their near-.500 start, but are still waiting for their franchise player to return and fielding two of the top three rookies so far this year. Things in Sac-Town are a lot less bleak than expected this season.

21 (16) Milwaukee Bucks

Now that they're relatively healthy, the Bucks can continue to compete for the final playoff spots in the East. Although they're still young and stole Brandon Jennings last June, I can't help but think a roll of the lottery dice would be better for this team than a first-round walloping.

20 (23) Chicago Bulls

They've steadied themselves after a nightmarish run that saw them lose 8 of 10, take a 30-point L to the Raptors, give up a 35-point lead to the Kings, and nearly cost their coach his job. Derrick Rose's improved play has led the charge back towards a playoff spot.

19 (20) Los Angeles Clippers

The Clips haven't done anything to earn a rise or fall; they've managed to pretty much meet their subdued expectations with a shallow team in a tough conference. The around-the-corner debut of a certain highly-touted rookie will be a needed boost for a stagnant franchise.

18 (18) Charlotte Bobcats

They've been the NBA's proverbial box of chocolates this year; we never know what we're gonna get with them. One night it's an offensively-challenged mess, the next it's a W over the League's hottest team. Either way, they finally look primed to make the franchise's first playoff appearance.

17 (15) New Orleans Hornets

While Peja's bloated and untradeable contract continues to hinder their ability to make a much-needed roster move, they continue to sit in Western Conference purgatory; outside the playoff picture, but not low enough to realistically hope for a high draft pick.

16 (22) Memphis Grizzlies

Once thought to be a litter box for Western contenders, Memphis has assembled perhaps its msot talented team ever and is forcing unsuspecting victims to take notice. Marc Gasol's emergence has leveled the aftermath of his brother's departure, redeeming what was once thought to be among the worst deals in NBA history.

15 (19) Toronto Raptors

Hedo Turkoglu's injury/irrelevance has done little to affect their recent inspired play and improved record. If they had spent that 50 mil on something that actually helped their team, they might have reason to be excited about a recent 6 of 7 win clip, instead of worrying about the looming likelihood that their franchise player will have to be dealt next month.

14 (12) Miami Heat

Pat Riley can publicly blast his team and franchise player all season if he wants, but it won't change the fact that Miami is, at best, the 5-seed in the East and several steps away from a return to contention. It also won't offer Wade any incentive to put up with the rebuilding effort much longer.

13 (9) Utah Jazz

Among the seasons biggest question marks so far is this confounding Jazz squad that wins tough games, loses easy ones, and despite fielding a talented and deep roster, currently sits outside the West playoff bracket. The uncertainty surrounding their plans for Carlos Boozer should subside soon, as he's a near-lock to be traded before the deadline.

12 (14) Oklahoma City Thunder

Making a serious playoff push a year or two before anybody expected them to, they've been the surprise of the season. Durant's been a lethal scorer and mature leader; everything anyone could (any many did) expect of him. You can't help but assume most Thunder fans include Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard in their nightly prayers.

11 (13) Houston Rockets

If they play the Tracy McGrady card well, they can add a couple solid pieces to an already well-balanced roster. Easily boasting the least star power of any Western playoff team, they've beaten/lost close games to many contenders and memories of their near-win against the Lakers last spring will be fresh in minds of any opponent in April.

10 (10) Portland Ailblazers

Illness has stricken this team like no other, claiming their owner, coach (for a minute), and all of their big men, leaving the almighty Juwan Howard as their starting pivot. They've managed to keep their heads above water thanks to the brilliance of Brandon Roy and the emergence of Martell Webster. Keeping it up all year might prove difficult though.

9 (7) Atlanta Hawks

The Hawks started off on a tear but recent meltdowns against the likes of New York, Miami and Chicago have slid them back where they belong; safely 4th in the East. The additons of Jamal Crawford and Joe Smith have added lacking depth, but they'll still be hard-pressed to make a run past the 2nd round.

8 (11) San Antonio Spurs

Somewhat healthier and more cohesive, the Spurs have reeled off 8 of 10 and are starting to look more like the team we expected with Richard Jefferson in the mix. Like Portland however, staying healthy will a tricky and vital task; this team could be an injury away from the lottery in a deep conference.

7 (2) Orlando Magic

Granted they haven't been the healthiest team in the League, but they've been playing some poor basketball, given they boast arguably the deepest roster in the NBA. Dwight's been up and down, Vince has been hobbled and their offense has ben far too reliant on JJ Redick. Last year they responded to injury by making a Finals run, more recently they've sunken to .500 ball and a 3-game losing streak...at the hands of the Bulls, Pacers and Raptors.

6 (6) Phoenix Suns

Still scoring a bunch and paying little regard to defense, they're coherent madness; what the Warriors wish they were. Exciting as it is to watch, I can't help but feel like the window's closed on the Stoudemire/Nash era. This style didn't win them championships when they were more talented, deeper, and at least started one potent defender. There's no reason to expect one now.

5 (7) Dallas Mavericks

With Dirk now echoing my concerns about their lack of an offensive arsenal, the Mavs could be in the market to acquire any of the many players who are sure to be dangled in the coming weeks. Packaging Josh Howard with a lesser might net them Boozer, who would keep defenses much more anchored on the block than Erick Dampier. If Cuban adds a beast in the post and give Diggler, Terry and Kidd more room to operate, they just might be a new threat to the crown.

4 (5) Denver Nuggets

They've been losing games lately - as teams tend to do when their two best players are injured - but there's no reason to assume they're still not the second-best in the West. The only problem for them is that the gap they need to cross to catch the team ahead of them's the biggest one in the top 10.

3 (3) Boston Celtics

It's hard to peg Boston anywhere right now; a part of me's impressed that they've weathered a bunch of key injuries to maintain the best record in the East. But an even bigger part of me's concerned because if any contender has health issues and is an injury away from a premature playoff exit; it's them.

2 (4) Cleveland Cavaliers

The Cavs look a lot more comfortable with their new surroundings than they did a month ago. For all the talk of their soft early schedule, they've been winning the games they need to. Their hit list includes massacres of the Magic, Suns and Lakers, as well as a recent sweep of a home 'n home with Atlanta. If only they could stop losing to the Bobcats...

1(1) Los Angeles Lakers

Their Christmas Day misstep aside, no team's looked as impressive as the Lakers so far this year. Kobe's been lights out and even though Pau's playing on two tender hammys, they're deep enough to limit his minutes and keep him fresh for the playoffs while locking down the 1-seed. It's going to take a lot more than a single loss to the Cavs playing their best ball of the year to convince me that they're not still the favorites.

Arenas Kicks off the New Year with a Bang

Happy New Year (decade) everyone; hope the Holidays were everything they were supposed to be. As we embark upon the 2010's, the Association's top cheese and legions of fans are no doubt all praying for the next ten years to be a shade less turbulent than the last have been. PR (public and player) problems stole the spotlight from some amazing basketball too often in 2000's, but unfortunately, if primacy is any indication, we're in for more of the same:

As you all know by now, Gilbert Arenas, whether influenced by his Halo obsession or general stupidity, decided to stash a trio of handguns in his locker at the Verizon Center. Furthering his idiocy, Arenas turned the guns over to Wizards officials, claiming that he "didn't know how to dispose of them after his child was born", figuring that this wouldn't raise any eyebrows.

When the Wizards inevitably saw a problem with his weapons cache and the news became public, an NBA probe into the incident revealed a much more troubling incident: that Arenas and little-used teammate Javaris Crittenton had pulled guns on each other in a locker-room dispute that stemmed from a gambling debt. While details are still surfacing and being obscured by Arenas' very public and equally vague interpretations of what went down, it's apparent that these players were not only strapped in an NBA arena, but flaunted the weapons in a crowded locker room.

Arenas has since tried to dismiss the incident as being a "friendly confrontation", saying that it's been "blown out of proportion", but his indscretion's going to cause a lot of problems for a League that's been relentlessly trying to clean up its image.

The perceived need for pro athletes to protect themselves is debatable. For every stupid incident like this and Plaxico's Cheddar Bob moment, there are multiple robberies, assaults and murders of stars who, understandably, might feel targeted. If an athlete feels the need to pack heat, let's say, when at home with family or driving alone late-night, then that's their constitutionally-protected right and nothing for us to question. But deep inside the confines of a heavily-fortified NBA property, it no longer remains an issue of protection, but one of excess and poor judgement. Surrounded by friends, teammates, media and security personnel, Arenas and Crittenton had no logical reason to fear for their safety, and demonstrated even less logic in their decision to bring guns with them. That they whipped them out in the locker room, regardless of context, is beyond derogatory adjectives.

Even if we choose to give Arenas the benefit of the doubt and chalk this up as a joke between teammates, it's impossible to call the incident "harmless". The NBA spent the second half of the 2000's dealing with a multitude of image issues stemming from incidents like this , this, and this. While gun fueds between buddies might be all fun and games for them, explaining this seemingly irrational logic to legions of fans who've become disillusioned by the NBA's love affair with violence is difficult. Guns are a sensitive issue; they take thousands of innocent lives every year and spark endless debate. Arenas' exposure to gun violence has been limited to an online shoot-em-up, and his lax attitude towards his deliquency might not sit well with fans in Camden, Compton, Baltimore, or other violent cities plagued by gang violence.

As the investigation continues, suspensions, fines and God knows what else lay in wait for Arenas, who it seemed couldn't be having a worse year before this fell out. Now disgracing himself with his actions both on and off the court, the NBA's class clown might have to just chill at the front of the class and rest his head for a bit; his brand of humor might be wearing thin.

Recognize: The All-Decade Team

So the first decade of this new millennium's almost in the books. In a couple weeks we'll be ringing in not only a new year but a new era of sorts; history tends to divide decades; identifying each by the trends that defined them. The 2000's were plagued by constraint and censorship as the NBA weathered a pair of economic meltdowns, a referee gambling debacle, and increasing tension with the Players' Union. Ten years ago we would've laughed at the notion of a league-wide dress code, welcomed a brave high-schooler into the League and assumed the Malice at the Palace had something to do with Bill Laimbeer. But there was plenty more we didn't know. We had no idea who Lebron James was, that MJ had a third run in him, or the critical importance Eagle, Colorado would come to play in Kobe's Bryant's life. We hadn't seen the Lakers' heroics, the Spurs' monotony or most of Vince Carter's Greatest Hits. Yao Ming was an indie flick at some foreign film festival, the proper spelling was DwaYne, and 'Impossible is Nothing' was a cynical thought buried deep in Kevin Garnett's subconscious. Yup, the NBA's a different place; we've seen the game go global and its players are showcasing their awesome talent on an ever-expanding audience. Which is the one of the few things that's remained about the League, and always will: the sheer brilliance of basketball's elite. So before we jump into a new decade and the change it'll bring, here's a toast to the guys who really did it proper over the past ten years; the All-Decade Team.

STARTERS
Point Guard - Steve Nash, Dallas Mavericks/Phoenix Suns
Among the many other things we didn't see coming back in 2000 was a skinny, 6-foot, soccer playing white guy from Canada winning two MVPs. Nash was the medium through which Mike D'Antoni ushered in his 7 Seconds or Less brand of entertaining basketball, and he revolutionized the one spot. His unique passing ability and lethal shooting were ideal for an offense that thrived on fast-breaking, pick and rolls and habitually itchy trigger fingers. While his defense was never World-class (or even NBA-class in some minds), his impact on the high-octane Dallas and Phoenix squads he manned this decade was undeniable, and gives him the starting nod by a hair over Jason Kidd.

Shooting Guard - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Arguably the most impressive individual in the League over the past ten years, we watched Bryant struggle with superstardom the most, but also win regular season and Finals MVP awards, annual All-Star, All-Defense and All-NBA recognition, not to mention four rings. Along the way, he re-wrote scoring records, truly meriting those inevitable and inescapable Jordan comparisons he faced for years. The 45+ streak. The 81. The countless hearts he shattered at the buzzer against all odds, over and over. Much tumult bruised his early career, but Bryant's finally found what he was looking for; he's the man on the best team in the League, and that he's ever played on. Believe his legacy won't end with this decade.

Small Forward - Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Even before he arrived on the scene, James was the man. The hype surrounding this kid was unfathomable, but despite Rider-high expectations, he managed to exceed them time after time. At a point where most high-school draftees are still gathering dust on benches, Bron was dragging Tayshaun-thin Cavs squads to deep playoff runs and making 28/7/7 seem mundane. The sad reality is that there's little he'll be able to impress us in the regular season at this point; once his playoff heroics are aptly complemented by the guys around him, he'll take his place among the game's All-Time greats. While we're just Witnessing the cusp of his greatness, what he's accomplished so far makes him a no-brainer for this spot.

Power Forward - Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Timmy D's always walked softly -never the loudest or flashiest guy around- but carries a rather large proverbial stick; over the past ten years he's established himself as the greatest power forward in the game's history. His methodical dominance was a walking embodiment of James Naismith's vision; a game so textbook, so flawless, that age, injury and countless lineup changes haven't phased his brilliance. Three of four titles, two MVPs, All-Everything All-Day. Even if he bored us all through the 2000's, he's in a class by himself.

Center- Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Lakers/Miami Heat (...Phoenix Suns/Cleveland Cavaliers) In a decade that seriously contrasted the 90s' big-man dominance (making All-Stars out of Dale and Antonio Davis, Jamaal Magliore and Zydrunas Ilgauskas) Diesel's credentials easily stand out as the best among centers. Although he's spent most of the past few years buried in indifference and calories, the early 2000's Shaq was a force the League hasn't and likely won't see the likes of for some time. He re-defined unguardable, leading LA to a three-peat while feuding with Kobe and enduring a barrage of Hack-a-Shaq; basketball's version of the below-the-belt-blow. Though he was never a prolific foul shooter, O'Neal was a dominant scorer, rebounder and shot-blocker and severely underrated passer who imposed upon the post like none before.

BENCH
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Flash has managed to match Lebron's lofty career arc almost step for step, putting up retarded numbers year after year, and hauling Miami on his back for an unlikely title run in 2006.

Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets/Phoenix Suns/Dallas Mavericks

The best all-around point guard of our era, Kidd nearly copped a couple MVPs and led the Nets to two Finals appearances. His jumper and defense were scrutinized, but Kidd spent years as the L's most coveted quarterback.

Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers/Denver Nuggets/Memphis Grizzlies?

While his teams struggled to complement him with functional surroundings, Iverson was an unstoppable scorer and pesky defender who dragged Philly to the Finals in his MVP '01 season, but stands as the player who's accomplished the least team success on this squad.

Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves/Boston Celtics
KG's dominant all-around game through years of mediocrity in Minnesota cemented him a spot on this team long before his arrival in Boston finally brought a title and the completion of a Hall of Fame legacy.

Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Pierce spent years as a criminally underrated star in Boston; much like Garnett in Minny he was surrounded by talent that betrayed his champion potential, until the two joined forces and brought a 17th title to Beantown.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

As much as I hate conceding it, Dirk has to be here. He brought a new and often-imitated dimension to a 7-footer's game, winning and MVP* and leading the Mavs deep into the playoffs more often than not.

Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons (I'm ignoring the rest)

Although devoid of any offensive skill, Big Ben was the scariest mother-fucker and best defender in the League for the first half of the decade. His years as a bathtub plug in Chicago and Cleveland aside, he's a marginal choice over a dude who can hardly play 50 games a year.

All-Snub Team: Chauncey Billups, Vince Carter, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Webber, Yao Ming

"What do you get someone who has it all?"

'Twas long, long ago in a far away land, God (allegedly) sent a Son to live amongst man. Many years later, we celebrate and remember the birth of Christ every 25th of December. It's once again that time of year, when Christmas comes with all its cheer; carols are sung, and malls are packed, bells get rung and presents wrapped. Santa brings gifts to the good girls and boys, though NBA players can still enjoy toys. Some have been naughty and some have nice, either way, here's some last-minute Christmas advice:

For Chris Paul: a Slam Man, roll of tape, and pictures of New Orleans' roster. The Hornets are so devoid of the type of offensive arsenal the league's best PG needs to operate. Hopefully this'll help him take out some of the frustration that mounts every time he busts his ass to create a wasted shot for Peja.

For Greg Oden: Operation. Not only will it help him pass the time while he's on the shelf for the forseeable future, G.O. could use some positive motivation at this point in his career, and the Operation dude's about the only person who can make Oden look healthy by comparison.

...and on that note, for the Blazers: a Ouiji Board, so that they might make contact with the evil spirit that feels the need to cripple every potential franchise center they draft, and ask him to knock it off.

For Vinnie Del Negro: a pound of the finest kush you can get south of the border. He'll have a lot of free time pretty soon.

For Derek Fisher: one of those memory-erasing thingys from Men In Black.

For the LA Lakers: a set of Nerf guns and targets. With Pau two weeks off an injury and already complaining about a lack of touches, it's clear that there won't be enough shots on the court to please all their trigger-happy stars.

For Brandon Jennings: a sumo suit, to cushion the blow when he inevitably charges full-on into the Rookie Wall.

For The New Jersey Nets: an extensive arts and crafts set. After a historically abysmal start to the season, the Nets' young and lacking roster could use some wholesome distraction where nobody ever loses.

For the Toronto Raptors

For Antoine Walker: Monopoly Jr. Given the prolonged problems between 'Toine's real estate company and the city of Chicago, sounds like dude could use a more elementary lesson in property management. Then again, having a bunch of fake money to throw around might plant the wrong seed in his mind.

For the Cleveland Cavaliers: a fitting metaphor for the rest of their season.

And finally, for Tim Donaghy: With hope, it will consume his life and we won't have to hear from him anymore.

Stuck in the Woods

This past week, the NBA took a back seat in the mind of sports fans and the general population. Headlines on just about every website, newpaper and gossip-fueled TV show were covering all angles of one man's unfortunate personal collapse, which quickly became a public good. While nothing stirs our intrigue like controversy, it didn't help this man's cause that he was considered by some the most dominant athlete in history. Tiger Woods fucked up; an alleged infidelity led to a fight with his wife and mother of two children, climaxing in Eldrick crashing his (presumably) Buick near his home.
Since then, anyone with even a vague interest in sports or a pop culture pulse has been bombarded with story after story about Tiger's private life and affairs. Stuff that's absolutely none of our business is being shoved in our faces like those lame Twilight movies, forcing an incredible talent into retreat. Mr. Woods is on a downswing of sorts; he's taking an indefinite leave from the PGA tour, his ads are being pulled, his reputation - once an unscathed marvel of celebrity status - is on the rocks like Johnnie Walker. His play of late, while still world-class, seemed unfocused, short of his omnipotent self; perhaps telling of what was privately unfolding. Now that the shit's finally hit the fan, Tiger Woods will never be the same to us. Which is kind of a bum deal.
Sure, there are certain inherent risks with being a professional athlete, let alone a star, let alone the richest and most successful one on the planet. You'll be graded on a curve; publicized and scrutinized more than most. An awkwardly large mass of the general public loves living vicariously through celebrity news; the bigger the star, the bigger the deal. If this had happened to Steven Ames, then nobody would've given a shit; some golfer would've just drifted off the scene to little fanfare. Instead, we get the Story of the Year, built upon a man's very natural mishaps.
See the truth is that Tiger Woods very rarely makes mistakes. He lives his life under the microscope of mass media, and while he's enjoyed wealth that most of us can't even conceive, he has his share of issues and natural flaws like all of us. The thing about Tiger's that he's harnessed those flaws; focused himself on unprecedented excellence, both on and off the golf course. That he's lived his life under such intense public exposure from such a young age (think a less extreme version of MJ) makes it all the more incredible that its taken this long for him to falter. It's telling and disturbing that consequently, we as a society we feel the need to not only deny him forgiveness, but exploit his personal tragedy.
The morality of Tiger Woods' alleged actions is debatable, but in the whole scheme of things, irrelevant. If he really did do what we all seem to think he did, we're not ones to judge. Instead of frowning upon his indiscretions, which every mouth with a soapbox to stand on has seen fit to do, we should be shaming ourselves. Tiger Woods is to be celebrated, not bashed. He defied sports' sturdiest racial barrier; the only one that still stood in the 1990's, and re-defined dominance, bringing and Ali-esque competitive flair to a sport as mundane as golf. For over a decade, we've been entertained by his exploits, bought golf clubs, watches and razors 'cause he told us to, and been inspired by his trascendant brilliance. Now, every media outlet that's for years profited from covering his heroics, is tearing him apart the first chance they get, fueled by this public demand for celebrity controversy. "Nobody's Perfect", it's one of the tritest sayings around, but also one of the most honest, and its applies here perfectly. We could use a reminder that a man's personal matters are just that; personal. We've all screwed up, done something shameful and potentially embarassing; in a similar situation, we'd all want the utmost privacy, while a number of us get off on another man's pain.

To err is to be human. And although today's celebrity-obsessed society tends to neglect this truth, Tiger Woods is still a human being. Humans, by nature, screw up occasionally, but it's hypocritical for us to create a media soap opera out of his marriage; a very sensitive issue. The past week's Woodsgate inundation was even sadder than the situation it's all based on. Society at large needs to fuck off give the man some space to deal with an important, personal, situation. Just because he's such a part of our lives doesn't mean he shouldn't get the chance to live his.

The Donaghy Chronicles: Episode 283

Long after David Stern and any optimistic basketball fan would've hoped he'd have faded from our collective consciences, Tim Donaghy still lingers as a threat to the integrity of the NBA. Apparently he's got a book now, which names names and points fingers, painting a detailed picture of corrupt officiating rooted in gambling and personal prejudice. Along with the book's release came the requisite media tour, and in a recent interview with ESPN's Mark Schwarz, Donaghy sheds more light on the alleged crookedness than we ever saw during his investigation and trial: (the following are direct quotes from the former ref)

When asked which of the major pro sports is most easily manipulated by referees:
"I don't think there's any doubt that it's basketball...because of the subjectivity of the calls and the ability given to the top referees...and the fact is that they're not held accountable for the calls on the court."

Okay, this much we know. The NBA's senior refs have been accused of favored officiating by conspiracy (conSpuracy?) theorists for years. Donaghy's absolutely right that the refs aren't held accountable; the officiating in varies too wildly in this league and only in overt, game-deciding measures will the front office ever come out and say the refs fucked something up. This results in unpredictable play and the "subjectivity" Donaghy speaks of; it's not fair to players or fans (I won't even start on the gamblers) that the Sternbot's cronies leave so much autonomy to the crews that work each game.

When asked how often games' outcomes are being affected by officiating:
"...On a nightly basis the games were changed" "Most of it was subtle, but there were situations where...those subtle changes evolved into something very drastic."

How drastic? Well we already know TD bet on games that he officiated, making many thousands of dollars (and countless sums for his mob affiliates) by fudging questionable calls and technical fouls that influenced the spread of close games. But, like an ...It Was Written track, it gets deeper...

"For example (in 2007)...Allen Iverson threatened one of our top referees...the group of officials was upset that he was only fined and not suspended...we came to the conclusion that we were gonna do a little justice of our own and strictly enforce certain rules against him." "He (the NBA-appointed crew supervisor) came in at halftime and he was laughing and stated that he felt Iverson was getting the message...It was done often..and that's what allowed me to make winning picks in a lot of these games."

This is where things get a little more concerning. That the refs occasionally showed bias against a superstar with a high-profile attitude problem is obvious...But if it's happening to other players and often enough for Donaghy and who knows who else to be betting heavily on its outcome? Let's hear him out:

(on Rasheed Wallace) "Nobody liked him...it was just a situation where at times we would joke around and see who would be able to do it first" ('it' meaning hit Sheed with a tech. Kinda makes this seem a little more legit). There were others too; Donaghy names Ron Artest and Chauncey Billups (?!) as other prominent targets of referee discrimination, but alludes to the practice as being all too common: "...It all depends on the referee and the situation and the previous games".

This is where alarms really start to go off; when a former inside man, who despite his past indiscretions seems very sincere in his stance, alleges that personal vendettas are regularly influencing officiating. This goes beyond the scope of the lone-acting rogue Donaghy was cast as several years ago when news of this scandal first surfaced. The League's top brass wasted little time with an 'investigation' that threw TD on the grenade to shelter the rest of its officials. Their strategy was understandable; any other approach would even further embellish an already delicate situation and forever taint the league's credibility. With steroids plaguing baseball and football, fighting raising red flags in hockey, the NBA could dodge a critical blow by downplaying this issue.

What Stern & Co. didn't do was effectively regulate this trend and impose impartiality on its refs. A year later, the League was forced to suspend one of its top officials for maliciously targeting the game's most mild-mannered star. Two years later, wild officiating plagued the opening rounds of the playoffs, resulting in a rash of suspensions for players who couldn't have known what to expect. That this is still being allowed to happen is pretty fucking sloppy.

When asked to respond to David Stern's statement that he acted alone in corrupt officiating: "...He needs to take his head out of the sand". He stops short of directly implicating other refs in gambling, but his new book 'Personal Foul' makes allegations against some of the NBA's most prominent officials, substantiating the fears many fans have had for years. The League's referees have gotten far too comfortable; it's offensive to think that their personal motives, whether financial or vengeful, are taking the game out of the players' hands.

It's remained to be seen how the League reacts to this latest chapter in their ongoing saga with Mr. Donaghy. They've done a relatively poor job of regulating consistency in officiating, particularly in the postseason, and need to create a more objective culture. Donaghy may or may not have been the only one lining his pockets on fixed calls, but if there's any truth to his story, crookedness well beyond his reach might be fucking up the NBA. The Commish has been very good at steering clear of disaster over his 25-year term; if any of this bullshit is still festering in the League's bowels, he'd best do like Donaghy and make "subtle changes" before it "evolves into something very drastic".

POWER RANKINGS!!!

A quarter of the way into the season, things are becoming a little clearer: we've got a pretty good glimpse of who's looking to contend (the Lakeshow) and who's just waiting on John Wall (The Nots), who's coming on strong this year (the Thunder), and who's...well...Greg Oden. As the marathon to April's playoffs hits its middle stretch, now's a perfect time to size everbody up and see rank how these teams measure up; a Power Rankings if you will (c'mon, what hoops website doesn't have one of these things?). There's a lot of shit to wade through before we can get the League's elite, so let's jump in:

30-New Jersey Nets: Brook Lopez and Chris Douglas-Roberts have been huge for a team that's in desperate need of bright spots to celebrate after canning their coach and taking shittiness to a historical low with an 0-18 start.

29- Minnesota Timberwolves: Kevin Love's recent return won't hurt their shallow frontcourt, but this team still has little valuable experience, a confusing point guard dilemma and far too many holes to be close to the playoff picture.

28- New York Knicks: Recent inspired play had caused some undue optimism at MSG; this semi-talented team has some nice pieces who will occasionally sting teams like the Suns who show little defensive resistance. But this team's still a cohesion-lacking bunch of kids in contract years playing for a team with by far the most uncertainty surrounding its upcoming offseason. Anyone who thinks they'll be able do it consistently is kidding themselves.

27- Indiana Pacers: Danny Granger's ailing foot is a potential crisis for the Pacers. If he goes down and they don't have an All-Star this year, with the Kings playing way above par and New Jersey's legendary struggles, they might sink below the radar far enough to re-claim "Most Irrelevant" status. They're certainly playing poorly enough already.

26- Philadelphia 76ers: This woeful squad's been health, consistency and competency-challenged this year and welcomes AI back with open arms. With nowhere to go but up, he'll give them a much-needed offensive boost and put fans back in the seats.

25- Golden State Warriors: Erratic. Undersized. Redundant. Inconsistent. Malcontent. Regardless of talent (and they have plenty), these aren't attributes that win you many games.

24- Washington Wizards: I can't say I've given up on the Wiz yet but the vulnerable East playoff picture suggests they'll be the first team to make a big move this year. They've got plenty of scorers but not one shoot-second playmaker and few solid defenders. The Wiz are a living defenition of incohesive talent and performing way under expectations.

23- Chicago Bulls: The Bulls clearly lost a step offensively with the departure of Ben Gordon; Derrick Rose and Luol Deng have so far failed to deliver the scoring they've needed to recover. This season's goal has to be acquiring Carlos Boozer, regardless of the short-term implications(which given the Jazz's open intentions of trading him, might not be too serious).

22- Memphis Grizzlies: 'Allen Iverson's Ex' might as well be their new title; it's how they've become known to the masses of casual fana to whom this team is now a non-factor. Their starting 5's pretty nice, but the League's shallowest bench and legacy of failure will continue to plague this team.

21- Detroit Pistons: They haven't been healthy but they haven't been particularly good either. This is another team that has plenty of potential pieces to make a much-needed trade, and with Dumars at the helm it could be anytime (last year's Iverson deal came 4 games into the season). Also, concerning at Ben Wallace's peculiar career arc, it's become clear that the guy who for most of this decade defined "blue collar" in the NBA, plays his best ball in, of all places, Detroit.

20- Los Angeles Clippers: They're playing close to .500 ball against a soft early schedule; 'bout par for the course. Blake Griffin's yet to suit up, but if he plays well enough to shake up the ROY race, it also might be enough to put them in the playoff picture.

19- Toronto Raptors: The Craptors have had a rough start, both in terms of their schedule and their level of play. Hedo's been a plug. Jose's been hibernating. Reggie Evans, one of two players on the roster who embody the defensive toughness and hustle this team sorely lacks, is in suits. Chris Bosh is playing incredibly well now that, for once, his career has purpose and direction - south of the border.

18- Charlotte Bobcats: The addition of Stephen Jackson gives them needed scoring and another building block towards the type of franchise player they'll need to move up on the League's totem pole. Playoffs might be in the cards this year; the teams fighting for the East's lower slots have been duds so far and Captain Jack could be the difference against such weakness.

17- Sacramento Kings: Tyreke Evans is just nasty, and probably the ROY at this point. Encouraging production from Omri Casspi and Jason Thompson are among the other reasons why this team's blowing expectations out of the water with their best player on the chilling list.

16- Milwaukee Bucks: Another team that's been without its franchise player for most of the year and benefitted from the sudden emergence of a rookie phenom. Brandon Jennings has been in a shooting slump for the past couple weeks, but this guy's clearly an All-Star in the making and a steal for a team that lost two of its best players for close to nothing this offseason.

15- New Orleans Hornets: Remove Chris Paul from this sordid mess and they're one of the worst teams in the L, so that they've managed a better record with him on the sidelines than on the court this year is puzzling. Anyhow, hes back to his old 16/15/8 steals self, so thing should be on the up and up. Emeka's been his solid but unspectacular self, filling in nicely for Tyson Chandler, but they'd be so much nastier if they had another scorer taking Peja's now useless minutes (one single-faceted spot-up shooter doing 11/game on a 37% clip: $14.2 million, look on Chris Paul's face once that whale expires/is traded: priceless).

14- Oklahoma City Thunder: These guys are the new Hawks; a team built around a solid foundation of youngsters who are going to steadily improve every year and ascend the Western heirarchy. I hope to God that they deliver on that potential quickly enough to keep the Spurs of of the playoffs this year, but I don't see it happening.

13- Houston Rockets: Playing well above the sum of their parts, the Rockets have been sparked by MIP frontrunner Aaron Brooks and even without T-Mac and Yao are thinking playoffs with an attack that's more well-rounded than Oliver Miller. Fans must be sick at the thought of what might've been, but at least in the wake of inevitable injuries to their franchise players, the Rockets are keeping things interesting.

12- Miami Heat: As The Dwyane Wade Show grinds through its predictable seventh season, the title character still sees himself surrounded by a less talented cast than a performer of his caliber deserves. Still waiting for a dynamic twist that can re-vitalize his series' plot, Dwyane knows that although he's done big things with his current network, the glory days of Season 3 are far behind them, and he'll get many offers this summer from competitors wanting to write the next chapter in his story.

11- San Antonio Spurs: Dunno what to say here. The Spurs, for the first time this millennium (and seemingly much longer), look lost. They're a year older, a little more shallow and have never been known to peak early, but this .500 start's a disturbing trend for a team that saw themselves as title threats and seem a few steps away at this point. It's far too early to call it quits but their early season nonchalance has never looked so troubled.

10- Portland Trailblazers: Now that they no longer need to wait on the requisite Greg Oden injury, all the Blazers, also beset by ailments to Nicolas Batum and Travis Outlaw (not to mention their coach and owner) can do now is pick up the pieces. The Andre Miller experiment hasn't improved them yet and they look like they've reached that ceiling where they're a move away from fucking with the West's elite.

9- Utah Jazz: While P-Milly impatiently waits in the wings, the Carlos Boozer trade value tour has been a monster so far. Despite his gaudy numbers and Utah's stable of offensive prowess, their Western ascent has been grounded by their streaky shooting and abhorrent defense. Dare I say a Jerry Sloan team's underachieving, but this team should be capable of more consistent play.

8- Dallas Mavericks: Dirk's up to his usual semi-MVP antics, but suddenly the traditionally offensive Mavs are having trouble putting up points. A healthy Josh Howard would do wonders but aside from Nowtizki and Sixth Man frontrunner Jason Terry, they're very thin on scoring right now. Players like Marion and Kidd are much more comfortable putting up points when given the kind of space another 20-point threat will create. Either way, here's hoping something falls apart for them.

7- Atlanta Hawks: Off to a torrid start (and beating tough competition), they're better than last year, but not thorough enough to be in the same conversation as the East's best teams. The key will be maintaining this play over thewhole season, which I don't see them doing. Much like Portland out West, they're that young team that might be pushing their current limits; experience will be the best tool as they mature at a slower rate this season, but with Joe Johnson's impending free agency, time's of the essence.

6- Phoenix Suns: Now that Alvin Gentry's got a full season to impose his will on Phoenix, they're back playing a style of ball that's much more suited to their roster. Their run and gun ways are amassing points and W's now that Stoudemire's healthy and they've shed a hundred pounds (and gained 20 feet of shooting range) at center. They'll play well through the regular season, but this exciting, high-scoring Suns team looks doomed to same fate as its predecessors. Their lack of defensive ability or commitment could be fatal against a legit Western team over 7 games.

5- Denver Nuggets: Picking up where they left off last season, the Nugs look like the Lakers' bridesmaids in the West again this year. Melo's stepped up and is playing on the same level as his heralded classmates while Ty Lawson's been one of the steals of this year's draft, providing the aggressive energy and scoring they lost with Linas Kleiza. Denver's proving that their lack of preseason hype as contenders was just lost in the moves everyone else made; they'll be a force.

4- Cleveland Cavaliers: Despite a shaky start that included losses to the Wizards, Bulls and Bobcats, Cleveland has responded to some early-season adjustment issues with a string of impressive victories to put them back among the East's best. They've shuffled their lineup(using Varejao as an energetic 6th man makes a lot more sense), begun to show signs their offensive swag and dismissed Orlando and Phoenix like they were Braylon Edwards. Their schedule's been cushy so far but if they can continue this recent inspired play, they'll only continue to rise.

3- Boston Celtics: The Celtics are going to be a very difficult team to beat next spring. Not only are they deep roster of playoff-savvy veterans, but their stars know their windows are closing, and I'm already having visions of KG unleashing his inner William Wallace carrying this team to the Finals on one leg. They're just going through the motions while they wait; the regular season is more of formality for them than any team in the East. Keeping pace and getting a #1 seed out of it would make them the clear cut favorites to win the conference.

2- Orlando Magic: I can't say it any better than ESPN's Marc Stein: 'They've won seven in a row on the road. They've gone 8-1 since losing Jameer. They've won biggies at Boston and Atlanta and sit one disputed Miami basket away from an 11 game win streak. They've got to be #2.'

1- Los Angeles Lakers: Well, it happened. The Ron Artest bomb went off. Sooner than we could've assumed it would in Phil Jackson's Zen Garden. Now living it up on the Hollywood stage, Ron Ron's been making strange workout videos, doing Jimmy Kimmel in his boxers, and admitting to past on-the-job drinking, all within the season's first month...And yet nothing's happening. A few laughs have been had sure, but there's been no fines, no suspensions, (well a league investigation into his Hennesy habits can't help) just solid contributions to a Lakers team that, essentially without Pau, has earned the league's best record. Kobe's putting up another very convincing MVP argument, and even after all the offseason retooling done by the other contenders, the Lakers have to be the favorites to repeat.

Behind the Headlines

- The 76ers, down a trigger-happy point guard and in desperate need of a proverbial shot in the arm, have signed maybe the most prolific trigger-happy point guard ever; franchise icon Allen Iverson. The move ends maybe the shortest retirement in pro sports history and gives Iverson another, perhaps final, chance to right the sinking ship his legacy's riding. While he's still capable of top-notch scoring, I can only pray that AI buckles down and plays within the team; accepting that he won't be the man all the time and keep his mouth shut about it. Sure, the 76ers are going nowhere fast, but if the Answer can prove his value in a more balanced role, he could be an attractive free agent for a contender next summer and deal with the Question that's plagued him his whole career: his ringless fingers. The Philly fans are the clear winners here; their one-time savior returns to maybe once again rescue them from mediocrity, but Iverson could come out of this on top regardless of how well the Sixers do this year...or it could drive the nail in his career's coffin. The stakes are high but regardless, it's good to have him back.

- In unrelated (also unsurprising) news, Ron Artest, he of the Late-Night nudity, recently admitted to a Sporting News reporter that he used to keep Henny stashed in his locker when he played for the Bulls, and get his sip on at halftime. Apparently he had some difficulty kicking old habits, as Ron explains: "When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild...A lot of marijuana and alcohol -- even before [that age]. ... I [still] party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night." While this helps to explain some of the on-court antics we've seen from Mr. Artest over the years, it creates plenty of questions for his employer, and further skews the already distorted lens through which everyone observes him. I really don't know what to say about the guy at this point, other than it's clear he's not going to change. He's a grown man with a tormented yet goofy spirit who's been doing crazy shit in the NBA for damn near a decade. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the damage he's doing to his own image, but at least he's learned to stop doing damage to the team (...and Knicks TV equipment...and Detroit Pistons fans).

- Speaking of forwards whose lives have become running punchlines, Antoine Walker was in the news again this week. Last time we heard from the Round Mound of Ill-Advised 3's, he had tilted off nearly a million bucks at various Las Vegas casinos and bounced on the tab. Apparently 'Toine's patterned his business ventures after his gambling habits: several buildings owned by his Chicago-based realty company (which was already facing 12 incompetence-based lawsuits) have been cited by the city as a 'slum nuissance'. Respect the grind.

- Amare Stoudemire and Tyson Chandler's fans just had to know what was going down during their games last weekend, and their wallets are a little lighter thanks to new NBA rules that prohibit Tweeting during games. I don't know what's more ridiculous; that players can't focus enough on a game to leave their pretentious Twitter accounts alone for a few hours, or that League actually feels the need to regulate this kind of activity.

- And special shout-outs to the reeling Nets, whom the Lakers recently sent to a historical low: their failure to cop a W in any of their first 17 games is the worst start in NBA history. With Sacramento playing well, New Jersey is officially set to take over "Most Irrelevant Team" status once Devin Harris wins them a few games and people stop talking about them. All thirteen of you Nets fans out there, our prayers are with you.