Here are Banter's predictions for the 2017-18 season, starting with possibly the single crappiest geographic grouping of basketball teams since the early 90's California high school scene:
LEASTERN CONFERENCE
15. Chicago Bulls
Well that whole "Three Alphas" thing sure worked out didn't it. With Rajon Rondo, Dwyane Wade and Jimmy Butler all now playing in different cities (definitely for the better), the Bulls are left at ground zero. That they got such a crappy, high-risk return for Butler will only spike the pain of their self-inflicted rebuild.
14. Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks full-on nose-dove this summer, deciding to bottom out after years of competitive mediocrity. As a result, Dennis Schroder is now their best player, which doesn't bode well for his ego or Atlanta's season.
13. Brooklyn Nets
Still haunted by the ghost of Billy Kings Past, the Nets are only ready for baby steps at this point. Gaining a few picks by taking on the burdens of Timofey Mozgov, Allen Crabbe and DeMarre Carroll's contracts will help them salvage some draft equity, but won't move the needle much on-court this year.
12. Orlando Magic
It's still tough to expect much from the Magic, who are now basically the Wooderson of NBA rebuilds. They've stunted their own growth with mismanaged assets; their progress this year relies on maligned talent without much of an identity or pecking order.
11. Indiana Pacers
Will go as far as Myles Turner can take them. Their veteran-laden rotation, while not as pitiful as the rest of the East's basement, is largely capped in terms of upside.
10. New York Knicks
The Knicks can now unleash Porzingis fully, which is more than any of the East's other lottery bound teams can say. Their rotation isn't awful relative to their neighbors, several youngsters could over-perform, and there should be a sense of relief amid this roster without the Phil-based negativity clouding their franchise.
9. Philadelphia 76ers
In this shallow of a conference, they're a playoff team with a healthy Embiid. But at this point betting on a healthy Embiid is foolhardy, so a narrow miss - trust #TheProcess - seems like the call.
8. Charlotte Hornets
Will likely make the East playoffs by mere virtue of not being as crappy as the rest of their competition. The forthcoming Michael Jordan/Dwight Howard owner-employee dynamic could be one of the season's most entertaining subplots.
7. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons had just about as bad a season as possible in 2016-17, and get to clap back with a renewed Reggie Jackson, ostensibly-upgraded shooting, and seriously inferior resistance. They can probably book playoff tickets.
6. Miami Heat
After least season's improbable midseason 180, Miami are suddenly deep rotation with an effective space-and-pace mandate. Sustaining last season's second-half success may not be unrealistic; they'll be playing a lottt of winnable games against East fodder.
5. Toronto Raptors
For a competitive team, the Raptors have adapted amazingly poorly to the evolving NBA game, with tons of midrange jumpers, a clunky center, and abhorrent ball movement (dead last in virtually every assist metric last year).
Attempting to reinvent themselves as 3-point gunslingers isn't going incredibly well so far. They can't sink too far in such a shallow conference, but they'll struggle to maintain footing with the rise of...
4. Milwaukee Bucks
Already having rattled the Raptors' cage last April, the Bucks appear set to leapfrog them this year. They'll benefit from strong continuity, a full season of Khris Middleton, a year of growth for Thon Maker, and Giannis probably uncorking an MVP-type campaign.
And this is to say nothing of Jabari Parker, who looms in rehab as one of the NBA's biggest x-factors. If he returns healthy, they're a mortal lock for the Top 4.
3. Washington Wizards
The Wizards came within Kelly Olynyk on PEDs of the East Finals last season and are returning virtually the same team. They have to be here.
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
The defending East champs enter the season with their new starting point guard shelved indefinitely, and far more adjustments than a Finals three-peater would like to make.
Between their numerous new bodies and health risks, shifting identity, and the token "Playing for June" mentality, a first seed might not be all that likely.
1. Boston Celtics
They consolidated their talent, but also lost several valuable role players. Even with a questionable defense and some mismatched talent pairings, Brad Stevens is a lineup wizard who's repeatedly found ways maximize unconventional edges. The Celts nabbed the first seed last year and probably got better; expect it to happen again.
BESTERN CONFERENCE
15. Phoenix Suns
"Two years away from being two years away" applies heavily here. The Suns are stocked with upside, but short on experience and anemic on both sides of the ball.
14. Sacramento Kings
Signing George Hill, Zach Randolph and (to a lesser extent) Vince Carter might stymie their youth movement, but should keep Sacramento slightly off the West floor. It's fair to question why they wouldn't just hand De'Aaron Fox the keys while gaining 2018 lotto equity, but Vivek sees things the rest of us don't.
13. Dallas Mavericks
After another summer of free agency shenanigans, the Mavs bring back a largely-unchanged roster from their unmemorable 33-49 run last year (plus Dennis Smith Jr). Given how much better the West has gotten, expect them to stumble a bit.
The Lakers upgraded pretty much their entire roster through almost every medium: trades, the draft, free agency and player development. There will definitely be a learning curve though; anyone expecting this team to make the playoffs - rebuilding from the very bottom - is lying to themselves.
11. New Orleans Pelicans
More time for Boogie and Brow to coalesce can only be a good thing for the Pelicans. But they're also embarrassingly thin around their stars, and just handed $125 million to a guy who's pretty likely to get injured at some point this year. Stealing Cousins from the Kings might be the only thing saving Dell Demps' job right now.
10. Utah Jazz
The Jazz will probably still be an elite defensive team, but are going to have a wonderfully difficult time scoring with the rest of the lottery, never mind the West's best. Ricky Rubio can find easy looks for Rudy Gobert and Derrick Favors, but spacing will be limited since all three are total non-threats from distance. Look for Rodney Hood to have a large year.
9. Memphis Grizzlies
The West's ultimate dice roll, with everything in the air from Marc Gasol's future, to the development of several projects, and the perilously expensive health of Chandler Parsons. They're younger and more athletic, but likely not talented enough for their playoff streak to survive.
8. Portland Trailblazers
A full season with the Bosnian Bear on board might mean a return to the playoffs for Portland, who also added potential impact rookies in Zach Collins and Caleb Swanigan. They also won't have to live with the daily burden of Allen Crabbe's contract on their conscience.
7. Denver Nuggets
Will be a wildly entertaining League Pass watch; a high-energy team with several gunners, built around a center who thinks he plays on the Harlem Globetrotters. They'll score on everyone. Everyone will score on them (except the Jazz). Good times.
6. Los Angeles Clippers
To state the obvious the Clippers will miss Chris Paul, but should fare OK for a team that just traded a top-10 player. Their rotation is deeper and more balanced, with upside potential in several spots and - finally - a starting 3 in Danilo Gallinari. If Blake Griffin stays healthy, they're playoff-bound.
5. Minnesota Timberwolves
Huge upgrades for the Wolves, who are now far deeper, far more talented, far more experienced, and far more functional than last year's iteration. The West's homecourt scene will be difficult to crash, but the 5-seed seems like - barring injury - the Wolves' floor.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder
A newly-united "Big 3" of stars usually takes time to adjust to each other. It happened in Miami. It happened in Cleveland. It sure as shit happened to the Lakers. Given the heavy overlap in skill sets of the Westbrook/George/Anthony Scylla-monster, we can expect it to happen here.
OKC's going to need some time to get their stuff together, hell they barely beat an Australian League team the other night. Even if their ceiling's high, the Thunder will probably lose enough early games to squander a top-3 seed.
3. San Antonio Spurs
Betting against the Spurs is one of the most consistently-tested ways to make yourself look like an idiot. Time and time again, they've come into a season with naysayers doubting their age, depth and competitive edge, which has almost always resulted in humble pie. So yes, even amid the vastly improved competition, they'll probably still be here.
They were already an elite regular season team (trademark 2006, Mike D'Antoni), but adding Chris Paul to the existing space-heavy pick-and-roll horror show will be deadly.
The Rockets - overperformers on D last year - should also be a better defensive unit with PJ Tucker and Luc Mbah a Moute joining their perimeter. They'll steamroll enough weaker teams for the 2-seed, then flame out in the second round.
1. Golden State Warriors
Duh.
ALL-STARS
East Starters: G-John Wall, G-Kyrie Irving, F-LeBron James, F-Giannis Antetokounmpo, F-Kevin Love
East Bench: G-Kyle Lowry, G-Bradley Beal, F-Gordon Hayward, F-Kristaps Porzingis, F-Al Horford, WC-Kemba Walker, WC-Goran Dragic
West Starters: G-Stephen Curry, G-Russell Westbrook, F-Kevin Durant, F-Kawhi Leonard, F-Anthony Davis
West Bench: G-James Harden, G-Chris Paul, F-Draymond Green, F-Paul George, F-Jimmy Butler, WC-Blake Griffin, WC-Karl-Anthony Towns
AWARDS
As some of you know, I recently took a gig writing for the Memphis Grizzlies site Beale Street Bears of the Fansided network. Part of the arrangement is an exclusivity clause that my work for them not be duplicated elsewhere.
I recently submitted my picks for the NBA's regular season awards as part of BSB's preseason Roundtable series; in an effort to not potentially plagiarize myself, I've linked my predictions below:
ROY: Lonzo Ball
COY: Tom Thibodeau
6MOY: Jae Crowder
(Submitted the above pick before all this nonsense about Kevin Love starting at center - thus creating room for Crowder to start - began leaking. Still possible that doesn't happen and/or work, so I'll stand by my pick)
MIP: Myles Turner
DPOY: Rudy Gobert
MVP: Kawhi Leonard
ALL-NBA
First Team: G-Russell Westbrook, G-Steph Curry, F-Kawhi Leonard, F-Kevin Durant, C-Anthony Davis
Second Team: G-James Harden, G-John Wall, F-LeBron James, F-Giannis Antetokounmpo, C-Karl-Anthony Towns
Third Team: G-Chris Paul, G-Kyrie Irving, F-Draymond Green, F-Paul George, C-Nikola Jokic
PLAYOFFS
East First Round: Celtics > Hornets, Cavs > Pistons, Wizards > Heat, Bucks > Raptors
West First Round: Warriors > Blazers, Rockets > Nuggets, Spurs > Clippers, Thunder > Wolves
East Semis: Celtics > Bucks, Cavs > Wizards
West Semis: Warriors > Thunder, Spurs > Rockets
East Finals: Cavs > Celtics
West Finals: Warriors > Spurs
NBA Finals: Warriors > Cavs
Here's to another great NBA season - enjoy the action!
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