2012 Banter Awards: Part 2

The NBA needs some new awards. Seriously. Six trophies isn't nearly enough to honor all that transpires during the regular season. Even if they did it on-the-low, less-publicized awards like those ones that get handed out before the Grammy telecast because nobody really cares about them. Plenty of players had seasons that demanded recognition, so giving nods to both the good and bad, here's Part 2 of the 2012 Banter Awards:

Bobby Boucher Trophy - Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers

The player whose arrival on a new team created the greatest positive impact.

The Clippers knew this guy was worth the trouble. Even after their first attempt was stymied, they continued pushing, and haven't come close to a shred of regret. Paul's been almost Frankenstien-like with his ability to assemble such maligned talent and create such a scary monster of a team that has far too many point guards, depth issues, a lethal combination of defensive amnesia and apathy, and a clueless coach whose word his players probably value less than CP3's. The Clips have always been a wayward vessel, but at least they have the steadiest hands possible at the helm.

Regards to: Jeremy Lin, Tyson Chandler, Ramon Sessions

Simmons Beauty Rest Award: Tyson Chandler, New York Knicks

The player who had a ridiculously good year, and everybody slept on very hard.

Safe to say this is not what Tyson Chandler thought he was getting himself into. His offseason departure from the reigning champs was a much-scrutinized pass by a team he'd played a vital role for, but he'd landed in an ideal situation: basketball's Mecca needed a center badly, preferably a defensive-minded one, and had plenty of money to throw at a recent championship catalyst to help their own efforts. Chandler held up his end of the bargain; having his best season ever, completely dummying the FG% category while basically playing 1-5 defensively. And all year, few said a fucking word about his play or gave him any credence for the All-Star spot that ROY HIBBERT was awarded, while his team (bar a certain #17) garnered national headlines all season about how they were imploding around him.

Regards to: Josh Smith, Greg Monroe, Ersan Ilyasova

Canibus Award - Demar DeRozan, Toronto Raptors

The player who looked like he was going to blow up this year, and never became much.

Derozan looked to have it all this year; he was coming off a strong campaign for a rebuilding team that was ready to give him all the shine he needed as a vital cog to their young core. Instead of continue to grow, Demar almost regressed; often playing without the vigor that fueled him last season, and showing a wavering commitment to everything but scoring. Even with Andrea's Bargnani's prolonged absence, Derozan's failed to make an impact anywhere near what his potential suggests. It's certainly not too late for him, but, well... I feel like the LL Cool J beef isn't far off.

Regards to: Javale Mcgee, Nicolas Batum, Deandre Jordan

Justin Bieber Award - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

The player who was everywhere this year for the wrong reasons; over-exposed through foolishness that warrants some serious down time.

It was Dwight's year; but we all knew that coming in. The looming drama surrounding his impending free agency - and his desire to milk it 'til it bled - was bound to dominate this season from the moment we found out we'd have a season at all. Of course, apart from extremely annoying, this was entirely unfair to the Magic, who had their attempts to reconfigure their roster sidetracked by a year or so.... And even after the months of pretentious indecision, he couldn't even wait 'til after the season to try and get his coach fired. I hate using chat acronyms, but f***ing SMH... That's 2/2 on superstars openly trying to build their brand/public profile in the past couple years, making themselves look like idiots and becoming targets for widespread public scorn in the process. Just give it up and play basketball.

Regards to: Javale Mcgee, Andrew Bynum, Dwyane Wade

Kevin Willis Memorial Award - Grant Hill, Phoenix Suns

The player who nobody could've blamed for retiring a long time ago, and still grinds it out.

Why is Grant Hill doing this? He's 38. He's in his 16th season. He's playing a supporting role on a team stuck in NBA purgatory. That's he's even walking at this point after his busted wheels stole a first-ballot-HOF career from him is astounding. That he's still balling with enough heart to heave led the league in charges drawn last season (I know, it was last season, but still) is truly unique. But why? It's not for the money; Hill comes from a wealthy, well-educated family and has made more himself than even Antoine Walker could blow (ok, maybe not). It's not for a title, otherwise he would've discretely asked for a trade (because he's far too classy to just demand one) long ago. It's for the love of the Game. And that's what this award's about.

Regards to: Kurt Thomas, Anthony Carter, Juwan Howard

JR Rider Memorial Trophy: Dunk of the Year - Gerald Green, New Jersey Nets

Regards to: Lebron James over John Lucas III, the families of Blake Griffin's many victims

Christopher Wallace Award - Ricky Rubio, Minnesota Timberwolves

The fallen player whose team was most hurt by his absence.

Rubio's much-delayed arrival in Minnesota obviously reaped massive benefits; the team that had acquired his rights, and then hoarded point guards as though a nuclear holocaust were approaching (where were Ramon Sessions' minutes) could finally hand the keys over to their quarterback of the future. The on-court translation was almost immediate: Rubio was taking the League by storm with his dynamic court vision and defensive precision, while the Wolves were contending for the playoffs?? And Nikola Pekovic was absolutely destroying people?? Okay, obviously Pekovic's explosion and Rubio's arrival are only loosely connected, but the young Spaniard brought with him something that Minnesota hadn't had in a while: hope. There was a buzz about the Wolves this year; they were competitive, and their disparate parts were playing with a well-oiled cohesion and sense of purpose that nobody expected. That it all basically fell apart when Rubio went down for the season should surprise nobody.

Regards to: Nobody, really. The top three candidates here: Chicago, Memphis, and Atlanta, all played remarkably well in their stars' absences.

Hindenburg Award - Charlotte Bobcats

Given to the NBA's biggest disaster.

It seems redundant and downright cruel to continue bashing the Housecats at this point, but...DAMN. I just slid over to their website to check out their roster for my own amusement, and was greeted with a full-page popup excitedly announcing that the team had signed Jamario Moon?!?!?! Fuck, I'm sorry. This is supposed to be a somewhat-serious award rationale, but I can't even keep a straight face doing this. If Corey Maggette's the best scorer on your team and even a headstrong gunner like him can only muster 15/game...Just fold. No wonder MJ wants out.

Regards to: Washington Wizards, New Jersey Nets, Golden State Warriors (Want to make some easy money? Go find a sports book/dumb friend, throw down on a progressive bet of the Warriors' two best players never making it through a full season together, and wait.)

Congrats to all the winners! Playoff previews coming this week, stay tuned...

Call of Duty: Dwyane Wade and The Yao Ming Tragedy

It had almost been too long since a Miami Heat superstar put his foot in his mouth. Lebron James and Chris Bosh had been displaying an unbecoming mature silence of late, and perhaps aware of his slipping on-court contributions, Dwyane Wade made an odd mis-step with a very foolish public statement: That NBAers should be paid to play in the Olympics.

There's so much wrong with this: that it got said in the first place; that Wade isn't fit with the pride that comes from bringing your country the greatest honor you can; that he tried to cloak his selfishness by contrasting it to the plight of broke college students who are actually being taken advantage of...

Lost in the framing of ridiculous context is the single valid point Wade managed to make: "The biggest thing is now you get no rest,"... "So you go to the end of the season, [Team USA] training camp is two weeks later. You're giving up a lot to do it. It's something you want to do. But it's taxing on your body. You're not playing for the dollar. But it would be nice if you would get compensated." This is pretty reasonable, especially for a guy like Wade who hasn't taken a possession off since AAU, but does a guy like him with a $100 million contract, countless endorsements, and even more public appearance checks really need to pilfer his country's basketball program? You're either playing for the dollar or you're not Dwyane. Just be glad this isn't 1941; that'd be much more taxing free labor.

While Wade's statements are sure to rile up tons of misguided debate about the general selfishness and pretentiousness of pro athletes (remember, stupidity sells), the above excerpt calls to mind a very valid point made by Mark Cuban; that it's really the owners who are getting screwed. And even after I spent months ripping the owners for their near-squandering of our NBA season, I'm inclined to agree with him.

It's a touchy topic, especially without a large sample of players having been injured in the Olympics to draw scrutiny to the issue, but the truth about what International play can do to a player can be drawn from the tragic story of Yao Ming, who had his career stolen far too early in the name of his country's pride.

A lot of fans are quick to incorrectly lump Yao in the Greg Oden/Sam Bowie category; a massive body that wasn't built to hold itself and was bound for self-implosion. A fallacy. It doesn't take a Rocket scientist (sorry, couldn't resist) to see what happened with Yao, who played in 82, 82 and 80 games over his first 3 NBA seasons.

Meanwhile, his native China was developing technologically at an astounding rate, discovering basketball, and fucking loving it. Conveniently for their government, this explosion of popularity coincided with (and was undoubtedly helped by) Yao's dominance, and he became the face, heart, arms and legs of their national team. But this wasn't some once-every-four-years-biggest-tournament-in-the-world type shit; Yao would fly back to Beijing the day he hung up his Rockets jersey, every offseason, and begin touring with the Chinese team, essentially prolonging his basketball grind year-round. It's not like he had a choice in the matter...

The effects took hold quickly: Yao would play in 57, 48, and 55 games over the next three years, eventually missing entire seasons before shutting it down for good at the ripe age of 30. It sucked for Yao, but you know who really got the short end of the stick? The Houston Rockets.

Yao might've been cut down way before he was due, but he's still doing fine: he's a multi-millionaire, global basketball ambassador, and nothing short of a hero in China. The Rockets, on the other hand, were robbed of the NBA's best center in his prime. They had a #1 overall pick that they labored for years to get snatched from them, which in the process set their franchise back another decade or so. Forget the millions of dollars they lost, they gave up their equity in a championship foundation. Houston had plenty of reason to act a fool when David Stern shut down their Pau Gasol trade, but the underhanded crippling of Yao Ming was by far the decade's most overlooked NBA disaster. That a league allows its players and owners to be taken advantage of without protecting them against such crooked and self-destructive stupidity (you think Yao wouldn't still be the best player on the Chinese team?) is mindless.

The answer isn't obvious, but the question lingers and has to be addressed. With all the clamor about Wade's ridiculousness, there's got to be something said for this mess. If he goes down fighting for his country, he's not taking the ultimate loss, and at the end of the day, a couple extra dollars in his pocket will mean nothing next to what his absence will for his team and their fans.

Hardware Section: The 2012 NBA Awards

Quite the season it's been.

Considering us fans were 99.8% into the ditch of having no season at all, we should've been grateful for anything, but as we near the end of the most frenetic pre-playoff stretch in NBA history, we can at the very least say we've been thoroughly entertained. The quality of play may have been fleeting, as unpracticed, jet-lagged squads struggled through a workload that even their elite conditioning hadn't prepared them for, but we still had plenty to be happy about:

We got to watch two of the game's greats humbly dominate and lead their teams to the conference penthouse; Derrick Rose and Kevin Durant are still coming of age and have also become legends in the making. Meanwhile, we got to laugh at Dwight's INDecision, and saw the League's former favorite punching bag finally seem to have turned the corner with his unreal play and a sudden air of maturity. The NBA's most tantalizing highlight-reel-wet-dream of a combo was paired up and brought a playoff rivalry to the city of LA for the first time ever, while Kobe turned back the clock and reminded us that '06 wasn't THAT long ago. Kevin Love managed to blow up even bigger somehow, teaming with an almost-forgotten Spanish prodigy and an out-of-nowhere Montenegrin monster to lead the unlikeliest of revivals in Minnesota. We had plenty more to celebrate: Kyrie Irving, Serge Ibaka's Block Parties, Gerald Green (for one night), Javale Mcgee, and the awkwardly ironic sense of competitive parity that this season's hectic nature wrought upon professional basketball....And then there was Jeremy Lin.

So now, let us celebrate the best of the best, the truly elite; those who've beasted 66 games in 120 nights and laid claim to the most prestigious hardware in hoops, the 2012 Basketball Banter Awards:

Rookie of the Year: Kyrie Irving, Cleveland Cavaliers

Just as they were drying their tears from the Lebron era, Cleveland fans were blessed with another first overall pick; a parting gift after a season of misery. They invested it in Irving, who although having missed 9/10ths of his year at Duke, was a can't miss scorer/playmaker.

Few shrugged at the pick, and those who did developed season-ending shoulder stiffness very quickly. Irving was an instant offensive boost who performed in the clutch with veteran sagacity and made this a one horse race even before Rubio's wheels fell off. He may not be Queen James, but really, who is?

Regards to: Ricky Rubio, Kemba Walker, Kawhi Leonard

Defensive Player of the Year: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

I have a really, really tough time doing this. It's tough because Dwight spent the entire year coasting, his thoughts more directed at the offseason than the postseason; he generally played with the relative intensity of a hormone-injected flamingo. It's tougher because he also undermined his entire team all year, distracting the players with his ongoing foolishness, while handicapping the front office, who lost a year to rebuild while their star flopped about until he got exactly his way. It's even tougher because many worthy competitors made compelling cases, especially Lebron James and Josh Smith, who have re-defined defensive versatility. But nonetheless, even at his worst, Howard's still the best defender in the league. He's just that good. If only he didn't know it.

Regards to: Lebron James, Josh Smith, Serge Ibaka

Coach of the Year: Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs

Some might call this a reputation pick. If you do, I really don't care because it's a total joke that Pop only has one of these trophies, and what happened in San Antonio this season was nothing short of miraculous. The Spurs were write-offs after their first-round dismissal last April; the Death of a Dynasty was proclaimed and people were realistically floating around the once inane concept of breaking up their Big 3. Obviously immune to that nonsense, Pop did as he's always done; made subtle lineup adjustments that kept the Spurs above water, instilling confidence that they'd play through and persevere, while making possibly the fewest XnO errors along the way. After a season that both pundits and fans agreed would be brutal on their aging stars, Pop has steered the Spurs to within two games of the best record in the West, and he's again managed to keep Tim Duncan as fresh as possible for their playoff run. It's a reputation that deserves padding.

Regards to: Tom Thibodeau, Lionel Hollins, Doug Collins

Sixth Man of the Year: James Harden, Oklahoma City Thunder

Very rarely does a player come into the race for an award like this with "it's his to lose" status. Watching him then not only meet those expectations, but laugh at them as Harden did this season, happens about as often as a Dr. Dre album release party. Harden made the entire league Fear the Beard with his adept combination of scoring and playmaking - the kind of seamless balance that's eluded a certain other OKC guard - while playing with a very high IQ that belies his bench status and suggests his ceiling's still a ways off. The numbers are huge, but even they don't tell the whole story. This was romp.

Regards to: James Harden's Beard, Lou Williams, Jamal Crawford

Most Improved Player: Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves

Thanks to a certain New York Knick, the MIP is sure to be more talked about this year than most; Jeremy Lin came out of absolutely nowhere at the perfect time for a reeling squad, and made an epic run that became the story of the season. The hype was incredible, somehow managing to distort reality to the point that something so sudden and historic seemed over-rated. That aside, I've thought about this one very hard, and can't give Lin the MIP for two reasons: first, obviously, he just didn't play enough; his emergence was late into an already-pint-sized season, and was unfortunately cut short. Second, I'm not so much convinced that Jeremy Lin improved as a basketball player, as that he exposed perhaps the greatest collective scouting fuck-up in NBA history.

Meanwhile, Pekovic spent last season as a 6-man, in that he came off the bench and was largely only useful for six fouls. Then this year, Darko Milicic went down (oh no!!), and by the second week of his baptism-by-fire as a replacement starter, Pekovic had evolved into a walking double-double who absolutely punished defenders on the low block and finished with the soft touch Darko couldn't develop after nine years. Nobody saw this coming. Nobody had Nikola Pekovic on their "breakout players" list going into this season; his evolution as a player was exactly what this award's about: a player who rose to the occasion when his team needed it, working his ass off to take his game beyond where anyone thought possible.

Regards to: Ryan Anderson, Jeremy Lin, Kyle Lowry

Most Valuable Player: Lebron James, Miami Heat

Hail the Queen! Two years ago, in my MVP writeup, I said it was going to be very difficult for Lebron James to impress us in the regular season anymore; that even at such a young age his dominance seemed redundant. Well, consider words eaten, as James hit a whole 'nother level this year: the ridiculous numbers were still there, only in fewer minutes. He notched even higher in the PER record books, upping his FG% by adding a once-absent low-post dimension to his game. He burned any faint memories of the once-nonchalant defender, becoming a guy who can now selectively take over games on D and makes a very convincing argument for being the most versatile defensive player in the history of the NBA. All he has to do now, is do it in the Finals.

Regards to: Kevin Durant, Kevin Love, Chris Paul

Congrats to the Official Winners! Part 2, the UnOfficial Awards, drop later this week.

The Requisite MVP Odds Column

It's what everyone's talking about right now, and rightfully so.

Every year, around this time, the MVP discussion blows up the NBA blogosphere (ya, I'm sorry for using that word), and even this season of 11-game nights and mass confusion has been no exception.

Tonight, the Podoloff's two front-runners are facing off in the game that will probably carry the single most weight in the MVP discussion - a clash that couldn't have come at a better time; right as Durant stole the momentum from what seemed like a snap-vote for Queen James. Last year Derrick Rose went completely postal in this such game, actively deconstructing the Heat down the stretch of an ABC Sunday victory that solidified Chicago's 1-seed and his status as MVP, as well as - literally - sending Miami away in tears.

With the debate heating up, now seems like a prime time to lay some MVP gambling guidelines, so here's Banter's Official (don't blame me if you lose a mortgage) 2012 MVP Odds:

Jeremy Lin, New York Knicks: Just kidding.

Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks: 525:1 - This isn't really serious either. It's just a nod to one of the most criminally underrated seasons in NBA history, in which a fringe All-Star stepped up his post presence when his team's center went down for the count, kept them afloat, had one of the most impressively versatile seasons in recent memory, and was cheated out of the Midseason Classic by his own teammate's reputation nod. Shame.

Tony Parker, San Antonio Spurs: 37:1 - If there was ever a doubt about Pretty Tony's HOF credentials, this season bagged it. He's improbably led the Spurs to within striking distance of 1st in the West when everyone had written them off, with Timmy D at a career-high level of irrelevance. With Duncan on the court so little (if you think Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol manhandling an exhausted TD last spring wasn't permanently seared into Gregg Popovich's mind you're mistaken), much of the offense - playmaking and scoring - has rested on Parker's shoulders, and he's responded with the finest season of his career.

Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic: 25:1 - This is right for all the wrong reasons. Sure, Howard's by far the most dominant two-way center in the League, but he seems to lack the intensity and focus that still separate him from someone like, say, David Robinson (not that anyone's ever made that comparison before). Sure, he's the single reason the Magic are in the playoffs, but his year-long InDecision saga is also the reason they haven't been able to position themselves to contend (and also likely responsible for massive levels of stress increase among Magic fans). Sure, he's probably going to be in the MVP conversation every year for the foreseeable future, but it's looking like a longshot that he'll grasp it.

Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers: 18:1 - Kobe's on the rebound. Not only did he just get divorced, but was also just torn away from the most profound basketball relationship of his life, and found Mike F***ing Brown in its place. The result has been an Iversonian offensive reign that has stat geeks spewing rhetoric about his usage rate, and the traffic on a certain German physician's website going through the roof. In essence, Kobe's been the Lakers this year: he sees his window closing, wants to make an impact on the record books, saw the 8th on #NBARank, and has the same respect for his coach's leash as you did for a substitute teacher in the 5th grade. So it's safe to say he deserves most of the credit for them being 3rd in the West and above everyone's expectations.

Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers: 13:1 - Let's call Chris Paul what he is: the NBA's only modern-day Player-Coach. His contributions to the Clippers - particularly in the fourth quarter, where they'd be absolutely rudderless without him - are horrifically underrated and the ultimate testament to how the value of a player can truly transcend the numbers. "Making those around you better" has become such a cliche MVP argument that it almost insults the way he sucks defenders far enough away from Caron Butler for the easiest looks of his career (that he still misses...), creates DeAndre Jordan's entire offensive game or places alley-oops passes too perfectly for Blake Griffin to catch them behind his head. He's the glue holding together a team of talented, maligned pieces and making them a playoff team. That he pulls a Peyton Manning during the fourth quarter of every close game, still has the Clippers (yes, THE CLIPPERS) holding down homecourt, and probably has no chance of winning, is by far the season's most ridiculous MVP fallacy (there's always a few). Which leads me to...

Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves: 12:1 - Love can't be this year's MVP fallacy because his leading of Minnesota's unlikely resurrection has garnered enough fringe MVP buzz that I'm sure a few of the loopier voters are going to give him plenty of love (pun intended). What he is is a perhaps more-poignant 2005 Lebron James: an absolutely dominant player on a (once) hopeful playoff team that has done everything short of filling Gatorade coolers, and calls into debate the true context of "value" as the MVP voting precedent has addressed it. If you took Kevin Love away from the Wolves, it would arguably have more of a devastating impact on Minnesota than any other team losing its ace. In that sense, he should definitely be in the conversation, but because his team was only an 8-seed, and now worse, he stands no legitimate chance, unless the same type of political nonsense that's persisted in any kind of NBA voting (I know how weird that sounds) for years gets completely turned on its head. As much as I'd love to see this guy do it, I'd put my money on one of these two...

Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder: 2:1 - Durant's kind of a weird guy. I don't mean that in a "he strikes me as strange" way (even after that whole backpack thing), but in that he's done something this season that many superstars would never even consider: he's seemingly almost ceded in the Russell Westbrook Power Struggle that cynics feared would ruin their season. He's allowing Westy to continue getting his at an abnormal rate, and being perhaps the most submissive MVP candidate on this list, while still spearheading a trio that, along with Westbrook and Harden is scoring at a more efficient rate on the floor together than any team in NBA history (seriously, look it up). He's one of the League's most feared clutch assassins, and has delivered to the tune of a season-long stint atop the West. Oh, and he completely ruined Lebron James' shit last week.

Lebron James, Miami Heat: 1.2:1 - Obviously, Durant's trending right now after he embodied an OKC trouncing of the Heat and sent today's ever-fickle masses into pandemonium about how there was a new MVP favorite. I'm a firm believer that the human brain has yet to evolve at the same rate as technology to properly handle all the information we're perpetually bombarded with, and I feel like that might be causing some slight amnesia in a lot of NBA "heads". They've forgotten that before an injury brought on the first real regular-season slump of the Queen's career (and, yes I plan on calling him that until he wins a title), he'd spent months making a mockery of the MVP race, putting up the same ridiculous numbers in fewer minutes, creating points with historic efficiency and aptly defending all five positions, lifting the Heat while Dwyane Wade has sunk to (relatively) unfathomable lows. Well, he's broken out of that slump. So my money's on him.

Good luck with your bets, and enjoy your winnings responsibly.