"I Am Not A Role Model"

Immortal words from a man who's dropped almost as many memorable quotes as double doubles over the years. Charles Barkley was talking about all the troubling behavior most parents sneer at and fear from their children's idols: arguing with referees, brawling with the opposition, spitting on fans and talking more shit than anyone around the NBA would dare these days.

But while the NBA's definitely adopted a more (fan-) friendly approach since the M@P unleashed an almost 9/11-esque overhaul of public policy, basketball's very essence has allowed the league to manufacture a product that's very quickly creating a different kind of harmful role model.

Let's call the NBA what it is: the most star-driven of the Big 4 North American team sports. Not only is basketball the only one where any given star doesn't spend half the game on the bench, but its nature fosters the potential for players to dynamically affect the game in so many ways. Knowing this (and also knowing that Michael Jordan was a once-in-eternity blessing for them) the Sternbot and his cronies have gradually developed (through everything from their promotion style to hand-checking rules that pamper perimeter scorers) a league that puts even more emphasis on their best players, which has shown to exacerbate the already-bloated ego of the typical professional athlete.

The drama unfolding as we speak is pathetic: A guy who's far and away the most dominant two-way player at his position in the NBA (and has been for years despite not having given 110% in any game for about three seasons now) is holding a franchise, hell an entire city of sports fans, hostage at the trade deadline, feigning a slight interest in commitment so he can be courted in Free Agency. This guy (it's Dwight Howard for those of you who haven't figured out by now) has become just the latest in a long line of players who've manipulated franchises - usually for the worse - to get what their way (as if they didn't have enough), taking advantage of how important an asset they know themselves to be. It's a new breed of NBA star: the Diva. It's a disturbing and ridiculous trend.

Vince Carter. Stephon Marbury. Kobe Bryant (the OLD Kobe Bryant...Might also be worth noting that his diva act directly led to two championships). Lebron James. Chris Bosh. Carmelo Anthony. Add Howard to the list after yet another Twitter misstep (you'd think these guys would figure it out by now) made either of two things very clear: 1. Dwight Howard, despite being a nice guy, is clearly indecisive and insincere, two things you'd hope not to see in a franchise guy or anyone that had matured at all since leaving high school for the NBA. 2. Dwight Howard is a lying, attention-starved douchebag.

There's really no other way to look at it. Even if Howard truly is torn and loves Orlando as a city and team, they'd both be better off if he let them down easy and told them it wasn't going to work. Seriously. Dwight Howard is close to a decade into his NBA career and surely must know by this point if he's motivated by money or glory. Either way his decision's easy: The Magic can give him far more money than any other team, but aren't close to winning a title this season, or next season, and have someone who gave Rashard Lewis $400 quadrillion to shoot threes and ignore defense steering the helm of their franchise.

For the past eight months, Magic fans everywhere have been sleeping on beds of nails, while Howard's been happily Twittering around and listlessly dominating the paint, caught up in this fantasy while he captures headlines and sparks debate; the entire league caught up in his indecisiveness.

This is not what basketball's about.

It's about guys like Derrick Rose and Kevin Durant; guys who catch headlines with their play instead of their childish behavior. When it came time for them to make their future-binding decisions, they didn't flop their intentions around, hold nationally-televised events or ask their fans where to go, they just put pen to paper with the teams that drafted them and continued playing, sorry dominating, as if it had never happened. They're team guys; guys you'd want to bring home to Mom if you were a scout and "Mom" was an NBA GM. They're humble, work their asses off, and are never going to do what Dwight Howard is doing to basketball, hell pro sports, right now. What's sad and telling is that remarkably few players have been able to take heed from Rose and Durant, and that the masses continue to fuel their antics; giving the Dwights of the World satisfaction every time we click a trade rumor link.

I'd love, just for once to see a headline like "Rose keeps word, signs extension" or "Durant re-signs without first demanding trade". Because the guy who's just trying to go out there and win basketball games is becoming a rare breed.

Rollin' a .5 - The Halftime Awards

As we creep up to the earliest All-Star game ever, the race for the NBA's annual awards is heating up and sure to be trendy conversation among hoop-heads over the next two months. Here's an early look at who should be getting some recognition; Banter's Halftime Awards

MVP - Lebron James, Miami Heat

It's kind of sick when you think about it really. The guy who'd been the NBA's #1 or #1a in everyone's eyes for several years came out and got noticeably better. Obviously shook by coming closer than he ever has to a title, only to spend a prolonged offseason hearing how he cost his team the chance to grasp it, Bron's been putting up ridiculous numbers while (understandably) playing the fewest minutes of his career. He's scoring at an insanely efficient rate and has Miami right where they should be despite injuries to Wade, roster shuffles, and the thrills of a 3 on 5 offense. It'll take a lot for someone to snare this from him.

Regards to: Derrick Rose, Chris Paul, Kevin Durant

Rookie of the Half - Kyrie Irving, Cleveland Cavaliers

This award was seemingly Irving's to lose from the get-go, and despite a rookie class that's outperformed its diminutive expectations, Irving's been its top performer and an instant dose of hope to a city whose basketball fans had no reason to have any. Ricky Rubio's been putting on a very impressive show with his flashy passing and incredible defense (seriously, he's on pace to become the first rookie to lead the L in steals. Ever.), but it almost seems as though his familiarity with the European game has lulled him into a false sense of security, thinking he can get away with a lot of fancy bullshit on offense that just doesn't fly in the NBA, and has cost his team multiple games down the stretch. Still should be a tight race, but give Irving the edge.

Regards to: Ricky Rubio, Kemba Walker, Iman Shumpert

Coach of the Half - Doug Collins, Philadelphia 76ers

Normally this award's a clusterfuck of subjectivity and misled voters who look at a team's improvement and automatically assume the coach had everything to do with it. Well, in this case, he did. Philly has (with one exception) the exact same roster as last season, and are on pace to improve from the 7th to 3rd seed in a suddenly tougher East. None of their players have had breakout seasons, just another year of tutelage from an underrated coach with a proven track record of successfully developing young talent. This one should be a no-brainer.

Regards to: Rick Adelman, Gregg Popovich, Frank Vogel

Defensive Player of the Half - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

Tough call here, especially when you consider that the Magic aren't playing up to potential and Howard's listlessly cruising through the first half of this season while his this whole "trade" thing plays out. But even on cruise control, Howard's a game-changing force on D night-in and night-out (which, this year is tougher than any season), anchoring what, around him, are mostly average-at best defenders who've gotten comfortable having such a huge beast protecting the rim. This trophy's supposed to go the league's best defensive player, so that's who's getting it.

Regards to: Andre Iguodala, Tyson Chandler, Josh Smith

Sixth Man of the Half - James Harden, Oklahoma City Thunder

You could've safely made a bet on this one before the season started, and although Lou Williams is giving Harden some heat, he's even better than last year's playoff run and the most consistent, multi-faceted bench player in the NBA right now. His emergence as a legit 3rd scoring option has been critical for an OKC bench that would otherwise rely on their stars for half their points every night. His team's on top of the West and Harden's looking as though his ceiling hasn't been hit yet.

Regards to: Lou Williams, Mo Williams, Al Harrington

Most Improved Player: Jeremy Lin, New York Knicks

This pick might be....Controversial. I figure not everyone's on board as the only person I've really discussed this with this week (someone whose opinion I value) thinks I'm dead wrong. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm a victim of the hype; this guy was a nobody two weeks ago. But the way I see it, in the context of this award, Jeremy Lin has just had the most impressive two weeks in NBA HISTORY. Surely that's enough to make him the favorite in a season we haven't even played two months of yet.

Regards to: Kyle Lowry, Ryan Anderson, Nikola Pekovic

Who The Hell is Jeremy Lin?

Just last week, you would have represented an overwhelming majority of the general public, and even a large spectrum of NBA fans, if you uttered those words. My, how times change. Now, everyone (and I do mean everyone) knows a lot more about Jeremy Lin:

Jeremy Lin is a Harvard graduate.

Jeremy Lin is the NBA's first Asian-American player.

Jeremy Lin was undrafted, and ten days ago, didn't know if he'd have a guaranteed contract for the rest of the season.

We know this because, against every fathomable degree of logic and probability, Jeremy Lin came out this week for a floundering team without its two best players and dropped the highest-scoring trio of debut starts in NBA history; all W's.

I just watched him lead his team to another victory, hanging 20 and 8 on a suddenly legitimate Minnesota team, and felt under-whelmed...Remember this is Jeremy Lin we're talking about here, 20 and 8 in a W doesn't underwhelm me unless you're Lebron James or you've been sucking for my fantasy team (...Russell....). What's this World coming to? You can't make this shit up, it's too unreal...Hell I should probably stop writing this right now and get the jump on penning a script for Linsanity: An Underdog Story. In my MIP post last week, I spoke of the various factors that have come together to make unlikely breakouts not all the unlikely this year, and a perfect storm of those variables has created one of the most out-of-nowhere -and certainly sudden - stars in pro sports history. That he's doing it on basketball's biggest stage, for a team who would've traded Walt Frazier's closet for legitimate point guard, makes it even more ridiculous.

Jeremy Lin's story has come along at the perfect time as well. A couple weeks ago, The BS Report talked about how this season's hectic, action-filled schedule was perfect for the on-the-fly social media generation that can watch several games at once, while receiving Twitter updates and harassing the friends they just passed in their online pool. Consequently, Lin's spellbinding story (and really, it sounds ridiculous, but there's nothing else to call it) has rippled much further than it would've ten, even five years ago. The internet's more ubiquitous than ever, and in total pandemonium about what's going on: This morning, after dumping 38 on Kobe and the Lakers, Lin headlined NBA.com's front page, but also ESPN's, and even on Yahoo!, MSN, and even CNN before news of Whitney Houston's passing broke.

I feel like this is big. "News", by and large, as we've come to know it, is garbage. Most of what we're exposed to as mass-media-minions in today's unavoidably informative society is either depressing rhetoric about foreign wars, gun violence, and the trillions of ways to give yourself cancer, or agenda-pushing horseshit that's hardly worth its weight in the salt you should take it with. We're (to some extent) being suppressed by this overload of negative information, because let's face it, it's what people are going to tune in for.

Rarely does such an improbable and non-polarizing feel-good story come along, and that it's permeating into a media pool that's inundated with tragedy and dishonesty is promising. This sounds corny, but plain and simple, the World needs more inspiration; more Jeremy Lins, more reasons to celebrate successes and believe that with driven application, it can be duplicated. If even one little kid, who doesn't watch basketball and never otherwise would've heard of Jeremy Lin, sees him on TV, thinks his story's cool, and gains the confidence to strive for something big and improbable, then we're all better off.

It's going to be interesting to see how Jeremy Lin adapts to having his name known; not only is he suddenly one of the NBA's biggest celebrities, but he'll have a target on him every time he steps onto the floor and won't be taking anyone by surprise ever again. Things are gonna be changing very quickly for him, and even though we feel like we know everything there is to know about Jeremy Lin after this crazy week, we're about to find out much more...

PED Watch '12: The Early MIP Candidates

Last year was an exciting one for the Most Improved Player race; a bunch of young guys primed for blow-up seasons delivered on their immense promise and made for a wide-open contest before Kevin Love went all Vince in Oakland while hardly leaving the floor.

This season, PED Watch is back for another thrilling drive to the MIP in what might be the perfect year for widespread outbreaks. Everything about this 66-game clusterfuck lends itself to young guys with upside getting opportunity: veterans being out of shape from the long offseason (and expected no-season), fresher legs having more energy every night, more injuries, more lineup changes, and the added X-factor that only 3 of 30 NBA teams are definitely not in dice-rolling mode. Ya, things have been pretty hectic so far, but who's stood out among the rest? Here's some love for the guys who really spent the extra down time last year puttin' in work:

Kyle Lowry, Houston Rockets - The Rockets had a pretty awful year due to some bullshit out of their own control, from sources both indirect (the Chinese government) and very direct (David Stern), that collectively crippled this otherwise well-managed team. When the transaction they'd spent years saving for was corruptly denied, Houston had little to smile about. Then Lowry came out guns-a-blazin', doing his best Kevin Johnson impersonation and leading the Rockets attack with a poise that put an already-stacked class of NBA PG's on notice. Had he kept up his early pace, this column may not have been worth writing, but despite a recent shooting gaffe (a 9 game stretch where he went 30-99), he remains the strongest contender.

Ryan Anderson, Orlando Magic - As if Otis Smith didn't already look stupid enough for signing Rashard Lewis, but he's managed to cushion the insult to his own injury by unearthing a guy who does everything Lewis did for them (arguably better) at a zillionth of the cost. While even Anderson hasn't been immune to the recent plague of disconnect on an injured and obviously distracted Magic squad, he's having a career year, offering a unique combination of tough, versatile defense from the 4 with deadly 3-point shooting. Pat Garrity must be proud.

Greg Monroe, Detroit Pistons - Having NBA League Pass is awesome for any number of reasons, most of all the ability to see teams that never get any burn on TV. It's great being able to watch the young, exciting Wolves come of age, the under-repped Pacers prove their threat, or the clueless Wizards just try not to kill each other. There's one team that I can find no time for: Detroit. Because they're a fucking quagmire of everything that's wrong with the NBA these days: horrible contracts, maligned talent, no identity, untimely stagnation, awful coaching, and the lack of balls to fire the guy with deep franchise roots whose front office savvy expired quicker than a Radio Shack warranty. It's a shame because Greg Monroe's just an absolute beast who's going to be a perennial All-Star once Dwight changes conferences and/or he gets the hell out of Detroit.

Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves - Playing the game with an aggressiveness that matches his Russian gangster/kodiak bear stature, Pekovic has blossomed in his newfound starting role as Kevin Love's bash brother and Ricky Rubio's low-post muse. Apparently thriving under the tutelage of 80's great and Wolves assistant Jack Sikma, the fans in Minny have been treated to Peko's re-defined court awareness, and improved footwork and finishing (there's been a lot more Godfather music echoing through the Target Center lately), as well as a sense of primacy: he's playing like he knows he's a force, and making Love's responsibility to dominate that much easier. Looks like another blown shot for Darko.

Paul George, Indiana Pacers - While it's hard to really blow up on a team as well-balanced and mundane as the Pacers, George has done his best to make his name ring out. His surgical long-range trigger's given him the confidence to exploit less athletic defenders off the dribble, and while his finishing in traffic and mid-range decision making aren't always as smooth as his perimeter game (including on D), he's shown many flashes of greatness this year and will only get better with more, well, as the rappers call it, "swag".

DeAndre Jordan, Los Angeles Clippers - There's a valid but finite argument to made about a guy's candidacy for this award when his numbers are up across the board and he's second in the League in blocks and FG%. Jordan's improvement this season goes far beyond the numbers and delves into his role as the backbone of, let's call a spade a spade, an awful defensive unit. Sure, Chris Paul's as good an on-the-ball defender as you'll find in the backcourt, but behind him? Mo Williams plays defense like Lebron plays 4th quarters. Caron Butler's clearly lost the quickness that made him so effective on D and appears to have gone the way of Metta World Peace. Chauncey was already a step slow and now isn't stepping at all. And Blake? Serious case of Defense ADHD. Jordan's gotta force himself into the role of Tyson Chandler as a 3rd-year player, on a woeful defensive team facing the greatest expectations and hype, with Vinny Del Negro as his coach. And he's doing a pretty good job so far.

I'd also like to add an honorary nomination for the entire Philadelphia 76ers roster; although I can't find the gumption to nominate a single player (what, is Spencer Hawes finally growing a pair really that impressive?), they're vastly improved as a unit and playing above the sum of their parts by such a wide margin over anyone that it needs its own footnote. They made no significant roster changes, just gave a good coach another season to continue developing their young talent, worked hard on their games, and made the adjustments they needed to win together. They embody everything this award does, and that they've done it as an entire team makes it all the more impressive.

A few names you might've expected to see here that got the slash; Andrea Bargnani (because he was almost playing above Raptor status, God had to smite him), James Harden (as well as he's playing he kinda crashed his own MIP party too hard last spring), Jeff Teague (ditto), Jeremy Lin (because one week's not enough, even though I'm sure the Knicks' backcourt sucks enough for him to keep stylin' on 'em), and DeMarcus Cousins (when you spend an entire year hearing "oh, he's worth the headaches" you kinda just expect him to play well).

That's all for PED Watch '12. I'll be back in a few days to take some time off the poker grind and drop a live game blog (haven't figured out which one yet). I've been meaning to do one for awhile, just gets kinda overwhelming balancing several tournaments with the quad-game view on League Pass Broadband (#seizures). Anyways, til then, peace.

Being David Kahn

There's a lot of confusing shit going on in the NBA this year. Granted, this was a hastily assembled season that's given way to statistical oblivion and managerial panic, but still, some things have always just managed to escape all boundaries of logic and justice.

Take, for example, David Kahn being given a job as an NBA GM. At the time, Kahn was a dual degree holder (English and Law) with an impressive real estate portfolio, who although having had spent time working for the Pacers in 90's, had absolutely no first-hand experience with any sort of basketball operations. So, of course, he was handed the keys to an NBA franchise. This made absolutely no sense and was completely unfair.

Kahn went on to perform a myriad of impressive, and equally confusing, feats over his front office tenure: A month after his hiring, he kicked off his regime by drafting three point guards in the same first round, keeping the worst to run his offense (Jonny Flynn), trading the best (Ty Lawson), then weeks later handing two career fringe starters (Luke Ridnour, Ramon Sessions) - who by sheer coincidence also happen to be point guards - like $45 million. The hits continued: taking a public spin as Mike Beasley's narcotics councilor, getting no equity from salary-dumping their best player, over-paying Darko Milicic when no one else was willing to pay him anything...These were not only impressive in that it took either a massive amount of courage or miseducation to pull them off, but the fact that Kahn was able to continuously do this without getting fired was just simply fucking incredible.

This past week was a big one for Kahn; he had to make good on just about the only thing he's done right so far as GM by getting All-Star forward (and glimmering inspiration for white, unathletic ballers everywhere) Kevin Love to commit to the team long-term. It was widely assumed that Love would be getting the same max deal classmate Russell Westbrook had inked the previous week, but in an unrivaled feat of ballsy under-valuing of talent, Kahn managed to convince Love - you know, the guy doing 25 and 15 - that he was worth relatively the same amount of money as Nene - you know, the guy having a career year at 14 and 9.

I'm at a loss here - genuinely confused - because this demonstrates more savvy than all of Kahn's previous transactions combined. He got great value on a borderline top-10 player, and while Love's opt-out clause gives Minnesota a small window to grow into a real team, they'll be better positioned going forward to lock down guys who they'll need to contend. While K-Lovie undeniably got screwed (seriously, he's working harder than anyone on that team at all times), the bullet he bit financially will reap benefits for the franchise in years to come, make him the unselfish superstar, and Kahn the.....(hold on, I need to mentally prepare myself for this).......(still not ready yet)......(ok, here it goes)...competent GM.

Is David Kahn finally getting it? Was he just playing dumb the whole time and duping rival GMs into underestimating him? Was the whole point guard thing just a sick level? Because suddenly, Minnesota's roster - with the addition of Nash heir apparent Ricky Rubio - is exciting, (relatively) competitive, and loaded with upside. While most GMs would've thrown as much money as they could at Love to entice him to stay in a cold, crappy basketball market with no winning history, Kahn didn't lose sight of the team, and in fact put more pressure on himself to turn this team around on a tighter schedule. Not what I ever expected from someone who had the foresight to joke to reporters about the league fixing last year's draft lottery for Dan Gilbert's autistic son (and expect to not be murdered on Twitter within 5 minutes), but still impressive.

All things said, I hope for Love's sake that this works out in his favor and he gets to reap the benefits of a successful basketball career. Up until this week, I would've said there wasn't a chance in hell of that happening with Minnesota under their current reign, but if this isn't just a momentary lapse of intelligence and cunning, then maybe Kahn isn't so dim-witted after all.

Of course, part of me is still secretly praying it is. This guy's just way too hilarious. KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNN

Watch the Throne

The NBA's gone Hollywood. Big-Market teams have always prospered in professional sports, but the recent trend toward the bright lights and sandy beaches of populous locales - coupled with the notion that it takes 3 superstars to win a championship - has put teams in smaller markets at an even steeper disadvantage. Amid all the free agency insanity, blockbuster trade rumors, Twitter chatter and front office ineptitude, they remain spectators to the juicy action, shackled by trade vetoes (apparently not just by players) and limited financial maneuverability.

Despite this, underneath all the madness, in relatively humble Oklahoma City, lies the closest thing the NBA has to a flawlessly-run team. Although the Thunder arrived there through one of the dirtiest schemes in the history of pro sports, they fell into good hands; not only the best fans in the league, but GM Sam Presti, who set up a team of balanced, cohesive talent by drafting well, acquiring affordable veteran support, and having the massive fortune of Portland favoring Greg Oden. Four years ago they were bench fodder, but after a rapid ascent through the ranks, they're now favored by many to come out of a Western Conference that's suddenly having an identity crisis. Things were almost going too well...

Last night, things hit a boiling point between Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, with the two screaming at each other during a 2nd quarter timeout. Although both had typically downplayed it in interviews, a discontent between the two had been visibly brewing since last spring, when Westbrook's amazingly stubborn refusal to pass the ball to the 2-time reigning scoring champ down the stretch of close games became one of the playoffs' most talked-about stories. That this apparently-resolved issue has led to the team's two most talented players getting at each other in the 2nd quarter of the season's 3rd game sets a disturbing precedent for the rest of the season.

Give the two of them some slack; they embody a precocious team that, still among the NBA's youngest, is also among its best. But the Thunder narrowly missed out on the Finals last year in a conference that now looks like David Kahn; real weak at the top. In order to seize control of this team's momentum and truly contend, there has to be a seamless synergy between two guys who are of such importance. It already wasn't happening on the court, but the threat of it becoming greater, if it hasn't already happened, can't be risked. This isn't the first Westbrook bench outburst, nor is it the first time he's forced serious debate about his role on this team (who pulled out a win over a tough Memphis team despite his 0-13 masterpiece).

It's a difficult dilemma for several reasons; first because Westbrook is obviously a loose cannon and extremely strong-headed (aside from very good at basketball). Second because Kevin Durant and Scott Brooks, for all their merits, both seem to lack that "fuck you" meanness to put him in his place. Trading him would be an extreme measure, but again, think about what's on the line here: a shot at an NBA title. Westbrook's already a consensus top-20 talent with upside to spare, and headcase aside might have one of the highest trade values in the league. Any point they fetch in return wouldn't be as talented, but would be infinitely more likely to defer to the team's best player and be generally less volatile, toss in some perhaps-needed bench support on the wing, move Harden into the starting 5 and maybe it works.

The direction this situation takes will be the ultimate measure of talent vs. cohesion. Kobe and Shaq was a no-brainer; they 3-peated even as they seethed at each other. This could not only determine OKC's stock as a future contender, but swing the title. If Westbrook can get himself on a leash and become more of a consistent leader, then there's no reason why Oklahoma can't contend for several titles with this squad. But that will require him doing a lot more growing up this year than he's shown the potential for. He could stand to learn a lesson from the guy he's beefing with; Durant has been a model of humble, committed, and prematurely mature superstardom; a rare gem in a league cluttered by the billboards, fanfare and excessive contracts of massive markets, much like his team.

But while they're fighting for the NBA throne, Westbrook and Durant can't be fighting between themselves for the right to rule the Thunder. Something's gotta give.

After The Goldrush: Looking Back and Forward on the New NBA Season

Well, it wasn't so much of a goldrush, maybe more like a pyrite rush after some of the ridiculousness we saw over the first few weeks of a belated, official NBA "offseason". It was a bizarre, hectic and in some cases league-altering couple of weeks, so now that most of dust's settled and we're just days away from what's sure to be the best Christmas ever, let's take a look back at the madness, and try to make some sense of it:

- Surely the story of the past weeks was the Chris Paul trade odyssey and David Stern's repeated attempts to get his Gaddafi on, blocking completely legitimate offers for his adopted team's prized PG not once, but twice. Finally enough league and public outcry forced him to realize he was being an irrational asshole, and he let the re-submitted deal pass. The result: the Empty Clips now look like legit homecourt threats in the West, and we've been blessed with the divine privilege of watching CP throw Blake Griffin oops all year. This trade made sense on too many levels: Paul wanted to play in LA. The Clippers had considerably the best package to offer. It would be the ultimate "Fuck You" to a Lakers team that's had the odds stacked in their favor for decades and just got denied their own shot at Paul. We now get to indulge in what could become the best highlight reel tandem ever, finally spared of an increasingly delusional tyrant's iron fist.

- Not too far behind the trend-meter was Dwight Howard's "they love me, they love me not..." trade drama in Orlando, which is making Dwight look more like a child every day, and leading me to think he'd be best off just staying with the Magic and being so close to Disney World. Dude, just be straight with Otis Smith; the poor guy already has a very difficult time with his job, and you changing your mind about your trade desires every time a Twitter follower talks you into it isn't gonna make this go any smoother.

- In missing out on CP3, the Lakers continued the implosion that seemed to have reached its peak with the their 2nd-round sweep last spring. Lamar Odom, upset that his team felt was good enough to trade for the BEST POINT GUARD ALIVE, felt betrayed and demanded a trade. So where do they send him? Obviously to the team that knocked them out last year. And what'd they get in return? Oh ya, absolutely nothing! Great move! Now the Odom giveaway has angered Kobe Bryant (who's also getting divorced and has a legion of NBA heads telling him he's not that great anymore), Metta World Peace (...really?) is dawning upon the most useless season of his career, the words "condensed schedule" might as well mean "injured reserve" for Andrew Bynum, and your nefarious, two-headed point guard demon of Derek Fisher and Steve Blake? Probably the worst in the NBA. That Jerry Buss decided to replace the modern era's greatest coach with a McDonald's mascot didn't help matters much. When the Lakers lose in the first round this year, count me unsurprised.

- I know big men are scarce in the NBA today, but was it REALLY necessary to give Nene, a guy with a heavy injury/illness record who's never been a top-2 player on his team or averaged 8 rebs/game, 14/mil a year?? Didn't we just have a lockout because of shit like this?

- Speaking of stupid contracts, Joe Dumars sealed his nosedive in complete senility last week when he spent $40million locking up his team's 3rd and 4th small forwards; Tayshaun Prince (who hasn't wanted to play in Detroit for like 5 years) and Jones Jerebko (who played pretty well for 6 months and then sat out all last year). For the record Joe, you'll be committing roughly 25% of your team's cap space next year to three reserve small forwards while your starter makes less money than all of them. It looks like Joe's trying to get himself fired, but I find it far more likely a bunch of angry Pistons fans will just put him in ICU instead.

- The Big Apple just got bigger: The Knicks have picked up Khalid El-Amin.....er, sorry Baron Davis, to shore up their pathetic backcourt. whether Baron has anything left in the tank remains to be seen, but if he can lose the In N Out addiction and his un-entitled air of accomplishment, his coupling with Tyson Chandler could take the Knicks' renaissance to yet new heights. At the very least, all the running he'll be doing in Mike D'Antoni's system should be good cardio.

- KAAAHHHHHHHHNNNN. Why did you sign JJ Barea when you already had four guards? Moreover, why did you sign JJ Barea for $20mil when you already had four guards? We knew somebody was going to overpay Barea after last year's inevitable "I'm going to play the best basketball of my career for these six weeks, sign a fat deal, then never do anything relevant again" run, but that it ended up being David Kahn couldn't have been more appropriate.

- David West also spurned Boston, in what Ray Allen called an "ego-driven" move, to sign with Indiana(right, like anyone with a fucking ego goes and plays for the Pacers). They now sport a slightly-frightening frontcourt corps (aided greatly by Mike Dunleavy no longer being a part of it), some promising young talent, and have the advantage of a solid headstart on the rebuilding effort that's sure to face many teams...Which leads us to....

THE LEAGUE IN FLUX
The ultimate effect of the lockout and its subsequent few weeks of open-market madness is that the NBA is in a state of serious transition that is sure to engulf an overwhelming majority of the league's teams. Right now, only three squads (Miami, Chicago, OKC) can safely call themselves contending teams with absolutely no reason to blow things up. Everybody else is vulnerable; that includes the Lakers, Mavs, Celtics, Spurs, Magic, Hawks, and even teams on the rise like the Knicks and Grizzlies. Plenty of other teams didn't get what they were looking for in the offseason, and still more over-rate their contention chances and feel they're "one piece away" from grabbing a Larry.O trophy that, like last year, could be anyone's. This might be most uncertain season we've ever embarked upon, and with 66 games coming in 120 days between under-prepared teams on unfamiliar schedules and regimens, with plenty of trades and free agency rumors circling like an annoying flock of shrieking vultures, things may only get crazier from here. If ever there an NBA season where "anything can happen", well this is it. Get ready to expect the unexpected.... Which is why I'm counting on the predictions I'm dropping here to blow up in my face, but oh well, what can ya do:

MVP - Lebron James. I just think he'll hungrier. He just spent a whole summer listening to people say he cost his team an NBA title, which you can trust he took much more personally than everything else he heard the summer before. Look for a serious "fuck off" statement.

DPOY - Dwight Howard. Not even gonna bother explaining this.

ROY - Kyrie Irving. Being Rookie of the Year is usually all about opportunity and how you respond to it. Irving will have plenty of opportunity now that Baron Davis is out of Cleveland and he'll have the point guard duties all to himself. There's sure to be a steep learning curve, but in a shallow class, there's no reason to bet against him.

MIP - Serge Ibaka. A lot of people like to overlook this, but Ibaka first picked up a basketball at age 18. That was three years ago. He's now one of the premiere defensive bigs in the NBA, has improved in bounds each season, and now as a full-time starter is primed to make "the leap".

6th Man - James Harden. This is a stretch, because a big part of me is convinced he'll punk Thabo Sefolosha's starting spot by the All-Star break (is there even one this year?). But most of me hopes he remains on the bench, where he's a dangerous 2nd scoring punch, who can also see minutes at the point and aptly playmake, because I think it makes the Thunder a better team, and so I look smarter.

COY - Fuck, I dunno, is Hubie Brown still coaching?

EAST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.Miami 2.Chicago 3.Boston 4.Indiana 5.New York 6.Atlanta 7. Philadelphia 8. Orlando

WEST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.OKC 2.Dallas 3.Memphis 4.LA Clippers 5.LA Lakers 6.San Antonio 7.Denver 8.Portland

EAST FINALS: Heat over Bulls
WEST FINALS: Thunder over Grizz
NBA CHAMPS: Miami Heat (let's all pray this doesn't actually happen. Last June was way too much fun)

Before I wrap this up, just wanted to offer some proper dues to a few we lost this week: Brandon Roy, who was tragically cut down in the prime of an All-Star career, Peja Stojakovic, who also retired after terrorizing perimeters all decade, and Jeff Green, the latest in a disturbing line of heart ailment suffered by NBA players, will be sidelined all season. All the best to Roy and Peja in their future endeavors, and our thoughts and wishes should be with Jeff Green and his family, that he might overcome this illness and return to the Celtics soon.

Well, sure enough, it's almost here. The regular season's tipping off in 5 days and has me sleeplessly awaiting Sunday like a giddy 5-year-old. Merry Christmas indeed everyone, enjoy the season.

VICTORY!!!!

I felt like Johnny Drama waking up on the precipice of the Grand Canyon this morning.

I was (probably) still drunk from last night, feeling slightly lost and forlorn, and immediately got a call that changed my life:

The NBA Lockout, after 150 days of monotonous bullshit, is over.

I know you're probably expecting some massive write-up about how resilient the players were, how greedy the owners were or how obstinate both sides were, but I'm sorry, that's not happening. You're not getting some in-depth analysis of what happened and why, because frankly, I don't care.

What I really care about is that WE won. Not the players, not the owners, but us, the fans; the people that drive this business that was subject to such meticulous scrutiny and really make the NBA what it is. We were on the verge of being cheated out of an NBA season by trivial bullshit, and now by some act of divine intervention, we've been spared a whole winter of hockey and curling.

So crack a beer, light up a stogie (word to Red); celebrate. It's time for some fucking basketball...

It's Gonna Be a Long Winter...

Well, it's happened.

It lingered in the back of our minds all last season (as incredible as it was), loomed over our heads all summer, and as the weeks and days kept counting down, all we could do was watch in disbelief, and hope, against all indications, for salvation. No such luck.

After all the closed-door meetings, hardball tactics, verbal warfare, media obscurity and other muddling bullshit, we're left with an empty void where our 2011-2012 season was supposed to be.

With the NBAPA's head in a noose, there are obviously many more questions than answers about where the league's headed, but this situation has devolved beyond any fan's worst fears. Whatever the outcome, we're going to spend the coming months listening to painful litigation quotes instead of EJ, Kenny and Chuck, seeing more of David Stern and Derek Fisher than Blake Griffin and Kevin Durant (not that we haven't enough already), impossibly trying to fill the NBA's shoes with some other sport.

As a die-hard NBA fan, it took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened here. I committed a long ago to remove myself from the lockout; to not read into the shallow and misleading quotes being fed to the media dogs outside every meeting. Basically I was in denial, but now that we've been robbed of a season, I've been served the rudest of wake-up calls. I still don't know exactly how to feel; I'm shocked, a little depressed, but most of all I'm angry. No, sorry, angry doesn't really cut it, I'm fucking livid.

What enrages me the most is what's cost us this season: rich people being greedy. The casual uneducated fan would immediately assume I'm talking about the players for demanding pay increases when they're mostly already millionaires, but no, I'm talking about the ones even higher on the pyramid; the billionaires trying to manipulate them like puppets on strings.

I'm talking about Dan Gilbert, the small-market owner taking a hard line on salaries after he blew his chance to keep a once-in-a-lifetime talent by overspending on role players. I'm talking about Bruce Ratner, to whom the New Jersey Nets were little more than a chess piece (the piece Malcolm Gladwell did for Grantland's a must-read). I'm talking about every NBA owner (and it's the vast majority of them) that inked ridiculous contracts over the past decade, establishing an unsustainable spending pattern that was either going to drive them into bankruptcy or eventually screw over the players. And eventually just happened.

The facts are right in front of us: Right now, Vince Carter (10), Michael Redd (5), and Rashard Lewis (2) are all among the highest-paid players................(ok, just wanted to give you a second to absorb the fact that Rashard Lewis is actually making the 2nd-most money in the NBA), years removed from their last All-Star game, never franchise guys. There's plenty more: Hedo Turkoglu. Luke Walton. Erick Dampier. Beno Udrih. Jerome James. Joe Johnson. Amir Johnson. Josh Childress. Eddy Curry. Andrea Bargnani. Larry Hughes.....It goes on and on. No wonder they were losing millions.

What the owners have done with this precedent is present players with an illegitimate ultimatum: either accept a lower percentage of the BRI - and thus a sizable paycut - or the vast majority of teams continue to hemorrhage money while they try to keep up. They're looking for the guys who ultimately drive their investment and determine its value to shoulder the load for their own stupidity. That's why we're not watching the NBA right now. And that's fucking ridiculous.

The owners dug their own graves, and too proud (or savvy, whatever) to accept blame, took a hard stance applying pressure on those who they saw as below them. As much as I wish a deal could've been reached, a big part of me respects the players for not giving in, and furthermore for proving their love for the game: using the lockout to throw impromptu All-Star games and charity events, trying to ensure that Basketball Never Stops.

But today, it seems like it has. Sure, we can still watch college hoops, maybe find a good site for streaming EuroLeague games, but the fix we crave as basketball fans is going to be much harder to come by as we sit through what's sure to be long, cold winter.

Hope you all like hockey.

Dream On

Lebron James had a dream.

He dreamt of fame; media glory and international worship. He envisioned success; highlight reels, blowout wins, All-NBA nods and Championships. But he thought it was all going to come easy after "taking his talents to South Beach", that life was going to be a breeze with Wade and Bosh along for the ride. He was rudely awakened several times this season; by the Heat's horrible start, cohesion issues with Wade in the halfcourt, and issues closing games against good teams that plagued them right until the playoffs. But still, his dream stayed alive.

It was surely dancing merrily through his head as he basked in the media spotlight last summer, blissfully feigning deliberation while he plotted his exit from Cleveland. It was definitely consuming his thoughts when he had an Adam Morrison-esque on-court meltdown after finally beating the Celtics, in the 2nd Round. It was absolutely all he could think about a couple Thursdays ago when the Heat took a seemingly insurmountable 4th quarter lead in Game 3, and began celebrating like they were already the champs....Right before Dallas stormed back and brought Lebron's dreams crashing back down to reality where, after last night's fatal loss, they'll remain grounded.

Don't get me wrong, last night was about so many other things, but not only was watching Lebron fail extremely satisfying for someone who spent years cheering him on only to have him pull the most despicable cop-outs in the history of pro sports, it upholds justice for the good of the game.

Miami went about the whole thing wrong; they concocted a sleazy pillaging of top-tier talent (perhaps illegally), presented themselves as though they were Gods, boasted and made fools of themselves for most of the season (even when they were losing), let their coach admit guys cried after losses (now we know who), behaved like 4th graders in the Finals, and ultimately got what they deserved; a humbling loss on their homecourt to a team that wanted it more. Their entire season was a crash course in poor conduct, with James at the forefront. His Twitter was on point for once; this wasn't his time. They'll get sent back to the drawing board, and hopefully (for their sake) come back more humble and focused. He obviously didn't learn from his failure in Cleveland, or the severe lynching his image has taken this year, so who's to know if he'll get the message, or keep dreaming.

But yeah, the Dallas Mavericks! NBA Champions! Fuck, that feels weird, not only because it's never been said before, but because jokes about the Mavs choking were as longstanding a spring tradition as horrible officiating. I'm glad to see them break through, even though I've spent more time hating on Dirk than pretty much anything else in life over the past few years. He really impressed me this spring, putting his team on his back and delivering absolute monster performances, closing out games with an unseen killer instinct, battling through injury and illness, and, in contrast to the Heat, acting like a deserving champion. If you're still a Dirk hater, get over yourself, you're too fucking hard to please.

Beyond the Diggler solidifying his Hall of Fame legacy, Jason Kidd was also able to add a title to his Springfield credentials after many a playoff run; if he wasn't a wife-battering asshole I'd probably be happy for him because he's, at 38, still an amazing player. It's nice to see Jason Terry get a ring, Tyson Chandler too; JJ Barea looked like the hungriest guy out there and was a huge X Factor, so he deserves his shine. Shawn Marion's a wash 'cause he played very well, but a huge part of me can't help but feel like his locker-room diva act that forced his way out Phoenix is the biggest single reason why Steve Nash doesn't have a ring...and Deshawn Stevenson...Just hilarious...I'm putting his over-under for Lebron jokes at their postgame party around 80.

Nobody deserves this championship more than Mark Cuban though, because he's the best owner in pro sports. He was like a kid with a toy, except that toy happened to be an NBA franchise. But he took great care of it; he bought a team that had sucked ass for years, was losing its fan base, and fading into obscurity, and immediately made them relevant. Not only were they winning games, and entertaining everybody, but Cuban was drumming up publicity with his in-game antics and constant scrutiny of league policy. Sure, he overpaid players (and didn't overpay the one he should have) but he treated them amazingly well, pimped out their locker room, flew their families around, and created a winning environment that finally reached its apex last night.

Now, much like last year, we drift into an offseason of uncertainty, and its hard to fathom, but much bigger outcomes are at stake. As much as I loved watching Lebron's dream die, I can only hope it's not too long before he gets to chase it again.