Wednesday, October 14, 2020

NBA Bubble Power Rankings Part II: The Middle Class


We're back at it with Part II of the NBA Bubble Power Rankings, counting down - from worst to first - the players, teams and other things that made the bubble special.

Today we're taking a look at the bubble's Middle Class. We'll start with those that left the bubble with mixed results, and span all the way to the fringe of the Top 100 (or the top 10 percent).

If you missed Part I: The Losers, you can check it out here. Otherwise, let's pick up where we left off...

499. Washington Wizards

I straight-up completely forgot that they were even in Orlando, so they couldn't have done anything overly embarrassing. Call it a push.

485. Khris Middleton

His 36/8/8 in a must-win Game 4 vs. Miami (largely sans Giannis) quieted some of the haters who think Freak needs a better second fiddle. Ultimately, nobody associated with the Bucks really came out of this a winner.

466. Kendrick Perkins

Perkins is quickly becoming one of the NBA's most insufferable talking heads, his half-baked hot takes served with an extra zip of arrogance and entitlement as a former player and ostensible clout-haver.

But he's also one of the most inescapable sports personalities on the internet, and got himself a Sports Illustrated cover feature, so he's doing at least something right.

451. Markieff Morris

Threw quite possibly the worst pass in NBA Finals history, but had the extreme fortune of doing so seconds after viral pariah Danny Green missed a wide-open three for the NBA championship, thus waltzing away mostly-unscathed.

440. Utah Jazz

Were spirited in defeat, especially Donovan Mitchell, who leveled up in a huge way these playoffs. But Utah fancied itself a contender coming into this season, and got bounced in the first round after choking away a 3-1 lead. Bojan Bogdanovic's injury aside, the result was sub-expectation. 

432. Fred VanVleet

426. Kelly Olynyk

419. Dennis Schroder

413. Orlando Magic

Saddled with injuries, they were more competitive than anyone expected in their opening-round loss to Milwaukee. But one of those injuries - Jonathan Isaac's second major left knee tear this calendar year - could alter the course of their franchise. 

402. Kristaps Porzingis

Speaking of untimely bum knees, Kristaps' absence had many questioning if the Clippers' upset might not have otherwise happened a round earlier. But the frequency of Zinger's leg injuries has to start becoming a red flag for a running mate to the generational Luka Doncic.

388. Daryl Morey

On one end, his team was sent packing earlier than they'd set out to, for like the sixth straight year. On the other, neither that reality nor the almost-half-billion he lost the NBA a year ago have cost him his job yet. 

379. Gordon Hayward

In one of the bubble's most bittersweet subplots, Hayward pushed himself back to playing shape after yet another injury, but had to miss the birth of his son to do so. 

362. Brian Anderson

He's no Marv Albert, but Anderson did well for himself to not lose his mind mid-broadcast on Reggie Miller and/or Chris Webber after having to repeatedly hang out with them together for hours on end. 

355. Bol Bol

346. Kawhi Leonard

Kawhi gets a bit of a pass here vs. the rest of the Clippers' roster. After all, he did just average 28/9/5/2+ for their playoff run, and at several times looked to be re-asserting himself as the very best player in the league. Unlike many of his teammates, he also kept his mouth shut for most of the season (as Kawhi does), dodging much of the backlash when they imploded. 

But the implosion is still a reality. As is the fact that the team Kawhi left behind also lost in a painfully ironic second-round Game 7, imploring many, probably Leonard himself, to wonder what might've been if he'd just stayed put. 

308. James Harden

Harden had a fairly neutral bubble. He delivered the summer's first signature game - a 49/9/8/3/3 masterpiece on 70% shooting in an OT win over Dallas on opening night, eventually being named to the All-Bubble First Team. He did more or less what was expected of him: Score 30/game, lose in the second round, everything in its place.

Houston faces a serious organizational crossroads this offseason, but Harden has little to fear. Their main goal will be to better maximize his talents, although Russell Westbrook's contract is a massive shackle.

Bonus points for, in a rare twist, delivering one of the postseason's best plays on a defensive effort.

298. Jae Crowder's shooting

It was really good. And then it really wasn't

277. Michael Porter Jr.

Burst onto the scene as a multi-tool scorer who has altered Denver's ceiling and possibly given them some tantalizing trade bait.

But he's also complete trash on D, and outed himself as an anti-vaxxer who thinks COVID is a government control mechanism, taking some of the shine off his breakthrough.

243. Nikola Jokic

Somewhat similar to his teammate Porter, Jokic was straight-up dominant for stretches of Denver's captivating playoff run, but his limitations on D are becoming a serious obstacle. Jokic is the worst rim protector physically possible for a player of his size, and is increasingly hunted in the pick-and-roll.

Jokic's defensive ineptitude is of far graver concern since he's the franchise player (ie definitely not being traded), spends more time on the court, and can be plausibly hidden against fewer opponents. 

But overall, these playoffs were a definite win for him, and Denver has plenty of maneuverability to help plug their defensive holes.

221. Toronto Raptors

It sucks how the Raptors went out. Pascal Siakam shrunk like he was visiting Anatomy Park. Marc Gasol mummified. The bad end of three-point variance struck Toronto in the worst way, at the worst time.

Still, their title defense, after losing Kawhi, was nothing short of remarkable. They were able to milk a few extra months as champs, and made Boston fight tooth-and-nail to finally dethrone them in the final minute of a Game 7.

202. OG Anunoby

201. Alex Caruso

200. Jaylen Brown

187. Boston Celtics

Nobody can really blame them for losing to the Heat. They played very well throughout the bubble (largely without Gordon Hayward), gutted out an impressive W over the reigning champs, and were still the youngest team in the playoffs.

They have upside and assets to spare as they continue their ascent, with Jayson Tatum now looking like a bonafide superstar.

176. Gary Trent Jr.

175. Jusuf Nurkic

174. Wenyen Gabriel

161. Dallas Mavericks

The Mavs were a playoff sleeper all season. Sporting a historic offense and a sneaky-deep rotation, Dallas was seen as a very viable upset candidate, even before COVID threw the season in a blender.

They came damn close, largely without Porzingis and with Luka Doncic playing on one foot. Even in defeat they made a statement, and have arguably the brightest future of any NBA franchise. 

150. Robert Covington

149. Caris LeVert

148. Mikal Bridges

144. Portland Trail Blazers

They won the West's 8th seed, which must have felt like its own mini-championship after the all-out melee the NBA contrived. The Blazers unearthed found money in several places (Carmelo Anthony, Gary Trent Jr, Wenyen Gabriel), and played their hearts out. 

But ultimately, the Blazers are largely still a one-way team with a fairly low ceiling. They've run it back for a half-decade as non-contenders, and look to be a major roster shift away from a breakthrough.

But for one brief moment, they took the NBA by storm. 

125. Serge Ibaka

124. Jeff Green

123. Jerami Grant

112. Jayson Tatum

Ultimately, the Celtics (and probably the NBA) would have loved to renew their storied rivalry with the Lakers in the Finals. If Tatum has his way, they won't be held back much longer.

At 22 years old, Tatum averaged 25/10/5 with a steal & block apiece, already solidifying himself in the NBA's upper echelon of stars. An upset in the highest-variance playoff setting ever (even amid Tatum's slow starts in the ECF) can only be a slight demerit against him. 


102. Dwight Howard

Dwight has been one of the most-scorned NBA players over the course of his 15-year career. Despite his Hall-of-Fame talent, pretty much everything else about him has made him incongruent to winning basketball.

After forcing his way out of Orlando in the most awkward and pretentious way possible, Howard bounced around the NBA for the better part of the last decade, always finding some way to ostracize himself. 

His signing by the Lakers was a gesture of mutual desperation, and many felt it was doomed for disaster with LeBron's championship aspirations and the lack of any evidence that Dwight could conform and behave. 

Well, he did. Howard was one of the NBA's best bench big men all year. By the Finals, he was starting. And now, after a highly turbulent career was written off by virtually everyone, he's an NBA champion.

Stay tuned for the Best of the Bubble, dropping soon...

Monday, October 12, 2020

NBA Bubble Power Rankings Part I: The Losers

Well. That was a journey. 


The NBA pulled off a miraculous feat of planning, regulation and social construction, stuffing most of the league into a self-contained bubble, in Florida of all places. 

While the United States went to complete and utter shit all around them, the bubble stayed strong, finishing the season and giving us closure to the weirdest NBA campaign ever.

Trying to recap the past few months in a brief, clean little piece is pretty damn difficult. We've seen so much - both in the NBA bubble and the calamity of the outside world - that a concise summary hardly does it justice. Compound that with the general disorienting haziness that 2020 has shrouded us all in, and it becomes near-impossible.

Instead, I'm delving into a complete breakdown of the bubble's key entities with the NBA Bubble Power Rankings. The higher the number, the worse the ranking. 

We'll be doing this in three parts: The Losers, The Middle Class, and the Best of the Bubble. As with many things in life, you've gotta get the bad out of the way before enjoying the good:

Last Place: Racist cops

We need to start here. 

The issue of justice and social equality for people of color was constant throughout the NBA's rebirthed season. 

From jersey messages, to billboards and broadcast graphics, ads, interviews, shoes, masks, and literally anywhere physically possible to get the message across.

After Kenosha, Wis. police shot Jacob Blake seven times in the back in front of his children, the players collectively decided they'd had enough of this shit. Beginning with Kenosha neighbors the Milwaukee Bucks, they staged a strike that would permeate to other leagues, effectively putting Western Hemisphere sports on hold for a weekend. 

The result was a pledged commitment to the movement - not just spreading the message, but ensuring action - from the NBA. Most notably, the league will convert team-owned arenas to voting sites for the upcoming election, increasing both capacity and accessibility in major cities.

What the players accomplished was historic. In a country disproportionately run by rich white people, they made rich white people care about their plight and align in fighting it.

And the league continued to place itself at the forefront of this year's ongoing battle against racial injustice. The NBA was by far the "wokest" of the pro sports cohorts, correctly identifying with the young men (the majority of whom are POC) who make their league what it is. 

Unfortunately, there's both anecdotal and empirical evidence suggesting their plea for humanity has - among several other factors - helped contribute to plummeting TV ratings. It's tragic that many still tune out what's often perceived as a "political agenda" (it's not). But it's beyond admirable that the NBA is still willing to fight the good fight. 

Basketball is growing enough internationally to weather whatever storm the NBA faces from racist "fans" in North America. And the impact of what they helped ignite this summer could be, quite literally, revolutionary.

Second-Last Place: The scum that sent death threats to Danny Green

993. Sports leagues that didn't bubble

982. Mike Budenholzer/Milwaukee Bucks

The extent to which Budenholzer coached the Bucks out of their series with the Heat cannot be overstated. 

He foolishly capped his best players' minutes and refused to make any sort of adjustments to his rotation or defensive scheme. Worse yet, he completely neutered Giannis Antetokounmpo, keeping him off Jimmy Butler Duty, and glued to the bench for the most important stretch of Milwaukee's season (the start of Miami's Game 3 comeback).

As a result, the Bucks are facing DEFCON 1 with an aging core, one year left on Giannis' contract, and back-to-back playoff collapses to match his back-to-back MVPs. Fear for the Deer is more like it. 

957. Paul George

The postseason couldn't have gone much worse for "Playoff P", who averaged his fewest playoff ppg since 2013 and shot a horrid .398 from the field. 

As a result, George was the main Haterade recipient after the Clippers' premature meltdown, and had the internet conjuring up every possible slanderous derivative of his nickname. 

In perhaps a personal low point, Seth Curry - who has a not-so-congenial connection to PG - called him a "bitch ass" on international television. 

936. Newsday's Greg Logan

For thinking that Andre Drummond was the NBA's best defender this year. 

919. Danuel House Jr.

Got kicked out of the bubble after his booty call was busted, which was dumb, clumsy, and selfish all in one swoop.

913. Steph Curry's cornrows

906. Game 7 Steve Ballmer

903. Pascal Siakam

Spicy P was pretty damn mild as he mostly disappeared from Toronto's second-round exit. Fans and pundits alike questioned his status as a franchise player, and he drew many unflattering comparisons to ghosts of Raptors playoffs past. 

898. Marcus Morris

Between his cheap-shot on Luka Doncic's ankle, and seemingly igniting the Nuggets' comeback with his Paul Millsap beef, Morris was more of a pro wrestling heel than a basketball player the past few months.

877. The Reggie Miller-Chris Webber tandem

Miller and Webber have long been two of the NBA's most-derided TV emcees. Webber's a try-hard who comes off corny as hell. Miller's mere aura, much like as a player, is an irritant. Both of their commentaries are shallow, misguided, and often contradictory. 

Due to the bubble's restricted media crews, they spent more time than usual in the same booth and, god, was it ever bad.

849. Los Angeles Clippers

Much like the Bucks, suffered a humiliating second-round defeat. Much unlike the Bucks:

  • lost after being up 3-1
  • weren't beaten by the eventual Conference Champ
  • coasted through the regular season with nonchalance and arrogance befitting a much more accomplished team
The Clippers are a bit higher than the Bucks here because they aren't in quite as desperate a situation, and have already fired their overrated coach (formerly another similarity). But they basically mortgaged their future for this core, and did not do so for second-round losses. 

826. Philadelphia 76ers

Whatever The Process became, it's pretty fucking tough to trust it at this point. The Sixers remain the NBA's most dysfunctional talented team, facing an identity crisis at seemingly every turn. 

They were unceremoniously swept out of the first round. Then Joel Embiid began passive-aggressively subtweeting the organization throughout the Heat's playoff run.

The Sixers now have to look at a serious shakeup in an offseason with no salary cap growth and a highly unpredictable market, while they try and convince some poor soul to pay a 36-year-old Al Horford $26.5 million in 2023 (good luck).

808. Charles Barkley's "GUAR-AN-TEE!"s

802. Replay review length/intervals

798. Coach's challenge selection

780. Danny Green

I'm not entirely sure what Danny Green's done to piss off Lakers fans, but holy shit do they ever hate him.

His inconsistency hardly stood out among L.A.'s supporting cast this year. But there was a fresh round of stones thrown at Green with every missed three, culminating in his now-immortal Game 5 brick. 

729. Houston Rockets 

Apparently forgetting that Nikola Jokic and Anthony Davis play for Western Conference contenders, Houston went all-in on small ball, producing another painfully predictable second-round loss. 

Their eradication of every center on their roster came off almost as a trade-deadline gimmick; a fit of desperation from the depths of Daryl Morey's analytics chamber.

In the end, Houston played themselves yet again, having now lost the ideal coach for such a system. They're back at the drawing board without a plan.

700. Nate McMillan/Indiana Pacers

Pacers got swept. Nate got fired. Vic Oladipo wants out. Not great. 

682. Scott Foster

Deployed much like Lieutenant Marimow in "The Wire", Foster, the NBA's resident killjoy referee, became a B-plot villain, drawing ever-increased ire from fans and being name-dropped by Chris Paul in an emotional post-elimination interview. 

667. Russell Westbrook

659. Kendrick Nunn

648. Dillon Brooks' shot selection

643. Zion Williamson

Zion was largely absent from what was supposed to be the Pelicans' triumphant ascent to the postseason. Williamson barely averaged twenty minutes, missing three of the eight seeding games entirely. New Orleans flamed out, not even a factor in the ridiculous four-way final day clusterfuck for the West's 8th and 9th seeds.

It's still too early to call Zion an injury liability, but his first season was as worrying as it was tantalizing. A body that size cannot normally do the things he does; the impact of all that weight and force is considerable.

618. Paul Pierce

While not as irritating as Miller and Webber, Pierce is still a definite minus to most broadcasts. His takes are like hour-old McDonald's french fries; cold, too salty, and tough to digest.

586. San Antonio Spurs

Missed the playoffs for the first time since "Anaconda" was the #1 movie at the box office. They're in clear rebuild mode, and don't exactly have an enviable long-term outlook. 

552. Disney World's room service 

538. The "socially distanced bench" concept

520. Jayson Tatum's stiff-arms

Tatum is a supremely-talented basketball player, capable of torching pretty much any defender. Unfortunately, when driving to hoop, he still feels the need to throw more stiff-arms than a Slipknot mosh pit, clearing out defenders as they move with him.

This greasy tendency cost the Celtics on numerous key possessions, now that the refs have caught on. Tatum's got a deep bag of tricks, and he'll need to find more subtle ways of creating space for himself.

514. Twitter over-reactions to flopping

509. Jeff Van Gundy's rants about flopping

506. Actual flopping

501. Giannis Antetokounmpo

Won the MVP. Had to accept it from Greece.

Stay tuned for Part II later this week...