Watch the Throne

The NBA's gone Hollywood. Big-Market teams have always prospered in professional sports, but the recent trend toward the bright lights and sandy beaches of populous locales - coupled with the notion that it takes 3 superstars to win a championship - has put teams in smaller markets at an even steeper disadvantage. Amid all the free agency insanity, blockbuster trade rumors, Twitter chatter and front office ineptitude, they remain spectators to the juicy action, shackled by trade vetoes (apparently not just by players) and limited financial maneuverability.

Despite this, underneath all the madness, in relatively humble Oklahoma City, lies the closest thing the NBA has to a flawlessly-run team. Although the Thunder arrived there through one of the dirtiest schemes in the history of pro sports, they fell into good hands; not only the best fans in the league, but GM Sam Presti, who set up a team of balanced, cohesive talent by drafting well, acquiring affordable veteran support, and having the massive fortune of Portland favoring Greg Oden. Four years ago they were bench fodder, but after a rapid ascent through the ranks, they're now favored by many to come out of a Western Conference that's suddenly having an identity crisis. Things were almost going too well...

Last night, things hit a boiling point between Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, with the two screaming at each other during a 2nd quarter timeout. Although both had typically downplayed it in interviews, a discontent between the two had been visibly brewing since last spring, when Westbrook's amazingly stubborn refusal to pass the ball to the 2-time reigning scoring champ down the stretch of close games became one of the playoffs' most talked-about stories. That this apparently-resolved issue has led to the team's two most talented players getting at each other in the 2nd quarter of the season's 3rd game sets a disturbing precedent for the rest of the season.

Give the two of them some slack; they embody a precocious team that, still among the NBA's youngest, is also among its best. But the Thunder narrowly missed out on the Finals last year in a conference that now looks like David Kahn; real weak at the top. In order to seize control of this team's momentum and truly contend, there has to be a seamless synergy between two guys who are of such importance. It already wasn't happening on the court, but the threat of it becoming greater, if it hasn't already happened, can't be risked. This isn't the first Westbrook bench outburst, nor is it the first time he's forced serious debate about his role on this team (who pulled out a win over a tough Memphis team despite his 0-13 masterpiece).

It's a difficult dilemma for several reasons; first because Westbrook is obviously a loose cannon and extremely strong-headed (aside from very good at basketball). Second because Kevin Durant and Scott Brooks, for all their merits, both seem to lack that "fuck you" meanness to put him in his place. Trading him would be an extreme measure, but again, think about what's on the line here: a shot at an NBA title. Westbrook's already a consensus top-20 talent with upside to spare, and headcase aside might have one of the highest trade values in the league. Any point they fetch in return wouldn't be as talented, but would be infinitely more likely to defer to the team's best player and be generally less volatile, toss in some perhaps-needed bench support on the wing, move Harden into the starting 5 and maybe it works.

The direction this situation takes will be the ultimate measure of talent vs. cohesion. Kobe and Shaq was a no-brainer; they 3-peated even as they seethed at each other. This could not only determine OKC's stock as a future contender, but swing the title. If Westbrook can get himself on a leash and become more of a consistent leader, then there's no reason why Oklahoma can't contend for several titles with this squad. But that will require him doing a lot more growing up this year than he's shown the potential for. He could stand to learn a lesson from the guy he's beefing with; Durant has been a model of humble, committed, and prematurely mature superstardom; a rare gem in a league cluttered by the billboards, fanfare and excessive contracts of massive markets, much like his team.

But while they're fighting for the NBA throne, Westbrook and Durant can't be fighting between themselves for the right to rule the Thunder. Something's gotta give.

After The Goldrush: Looking Back and Forward on the New NBA Season

Well, it wasn't so much of a goldrush, maybe more like a pyrite rush after some of the ridiculousness we saw over the first few weeks of a belated, official NBA "offseason". It was a bizarre, hectic and in some cases league-altering couple of weeks, so now that most of dust's settled and we're just days away from what's sure to be the best Christmas ever, let's take a look back at the madness, and try to make some sense of it:

- Surely the story of the past weeks was the Chris Paul trade odyssey and David Stern's repeated attempts to get his Gaddafi on, blocking completely legitimate offers for his adopted team's prized PG not once, but twice. Finally enough league and public outcry forced him to realize he was being an irrational asshole, and he let the re-submitted deal pass. The result: the Empty Clips now look like legit homecourt threats in the West, and we've been blessed with the divine privilege of watching CP throw Blake Griffin oops all year. This trade made sense on too many levels: Paul wanted to play in LA. The Clippers had considerably the best package to offer. It would be the ultimate "Fuck You" to a Lakers team that's had the odds stacked in their favor for decades and just got denied their own shot at Paul. We now get to indulge in what could become the best highlight reel tandem ever, finally spared of an increasingly delusional tyrant's iron fist.

- Not too far behind the trend-meter was Dwight Howard's "they love me, they love me not..." trade drama in Orlando, which is making Dwight look more like a child every day, and leading me to think he'd be best off just staying with the Magic and being so close to Disney World. Dude, just be straight with Otis Smith; the poor guy already has a very difficult time with his job, and you changing your mind about your trade desires every time a Twitter follower talks you into it isn't gonna make this go any smoother.

- In missing out on CP3, the Lakers continued the implosion that seemed to have reached its peak with the their 2nd-round sweep last spring. Lamar Odom, upset that his team felt was good enough to trade for the BEST POINT GUARD ALIVE, felt betrayed and demanded a trade. So where do they send him? Obviously to the team that knocked them out last year. And what'd they get in return? Oh ya, absolutely nothing! Great move! Now the Odom giveaway has angered Kobe Bryant (who's also getting divorced and has a legion of NBA heads telling him he's not that great anymore), Metta World Peace (...really?) is dawning upon the most useless season of his career, the words "condensed schedule" might as well mean "injured reserve" for Andrew Bynum, and your nefarious, two-headed point guard demon of Derek Fisher and Steve Blake? Probably the worst in the NBA. That Jerry Buss decided to replace the modern era's greatest coach with a McDonald's mascot didn't help matters much. When the Lakers lose in the first round this year, count me unsurprised.

- I know big men are scarce in the NBA today, but was it REALLY necessary to give Nene, a guy with a heavy injury/illness record who's never been a top-2 player on his team or averaged 8 rebs/game, 14/mil a year?? Didn't we just have a lockout because of shit like this?

- Speaking of stupid contracts, Joe Dumars sealed his nosedive in complete senility last week when he spent $40million locking up his team's 3rd and 4th small forwards; Tayshaun Prince (who hasn't wanted to play in Detroit for like 5 years) and Jones Jerebko (who played pretty well for 6 months and then sat out all last year). For the record Joe, you'll be committing roughly 25% of your team's cap space next year to three reserve small forwards while your starter makes less money than all of them. It looks like Joe's trying to get himself fired, but I find it far more likely a bunch of angry Pistons fans will just put him in ICU instead.

- The Big Apple just got bigger: The Knicks have picked up Khalid El-Amin.....er, sorry Baron Davis, to shore up their pathetic backcourt. whether Baron has anything left in the tank remains to be seen, but if he can lose the In N Out addiction and his un-entitled air of accomplishment, his coupling with Tyson Chandler could take the Knicks' renaissance to yet new heights. At the very least, all the running he'll be doing in Mike D'Antoni's system should be good cardio.

- KAAAHHHHHHHHNNNN. Why did you sign JJ Barea when you already had four guards? Moreover, why did you sign JJ Barea for $20mil when you already had four guards? We knew somebody was going to overpay Barea after last year's inevitable "I'm going to play the best basketball of my career for these six weeks, sign a fat deal, then never do anything relevant again" run, but that it ended up being David Kahn couldn't have been more appropriate.

- David West also spurned Boston, in what Ray Allen called an "ego-driven" move, to sign with Indiana(right, like anyone with a fucking ego goes and plays for the Pacers). They now sport a slightly-frightening frontcourt corps (aided greatly by Mike Dunleavy no longer being a part of it), some promising young talent, and have the advantage of a solid headstart on the rebuilding effort that's sure to face many teams...Which leads us to....

THE LEAGUE IN FLUX
The ultimate effect of the lockout and its subsequent few weeks of open-market madness is that the NBA is in a state of serious transition that is sure to engulf an overwhelming majority of the league's teams. Right now, only three squads (Miami, Chicago, OKC) can safely call themselves contending teams with absolutely no reason to blow things up. Everybody else is vulnerable; that includes the Lakers, Mavs, Celtics, Spurs, Magic, Hawks, and even teams on the rise like the Knicks and Grizzlies. Plenty of other teams didn't get what they were looking for in the offseason, and still more over-rate their contention chances and feel they're "one piece away" from grabbing a Larry.O trophy that, like last year, could be anyone's. This might be most uncertain season we've ever embarked upon, and with 66 games coming in 120 days between under-prepared teams on unfamiliar schedules and regimens, with plenty of trades and free agency rumors circling like an annoying flock of shrieking vultures, things may only get crazier from here. If ever there an NBA season where "anything can happen", well this is it. Get ready to expect the unexpected.... Which is why I'm counting on the predictions I'm dropping here to blow up in my face, but oh well, what can ya do:

MVP - Lebron James. I just think he'll hungrier. He just spent a whole summer listening to people say he cost his team an NBA title, which you can trust he took much more personally than everything else he heard the summer before. Look for a serious "fuck off" statement.

DPOY - Dwight Howard. Not even gonna bother explaining this.

ROY - Kyrie Irving. Being Rookie of the Year is usually all about opportunity and how you respond to it. Irving will have plenty of opportunity now that Baron Davis is out of Cleveland and he'll have the point guard duties all to himself. There's sure to be a steep learning curve, but in a shallow class, there's no reason to bet against him.

MIP - Serge Ibaka. A lot of people like to overlook this, but Ibaka first picked up a basketball at age 18. That was three years ago. He's now one of the premiere defensive bigs in the NBA, has improved in bounds each season, and now as a full-time starter is primed to make "the leap".

6th Man - James Harden. This is a stretch, because a big part of me is convinced he'll punk Thabo Sefolosha's starting spot by the All-Star break (is there even one this year?). But most of me hopes he remains on the bench, where he's a dangerous 2nd scoring punch, who can also see minutes at the point and aptly playmake, because I think it makes the Thunder a better team, and so I look smarter.

COY - Fuck, I dunno, is Hubie Brown still coaching?

EAST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.Miami 2.Chicago 3.Boston 4.Indiana 5.New York 6.Atlanta 7. Philadelphia 8. Orlando

WEST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.OKC 2.Dallas 3.Memphis 4.LA Clippers 5.LA Lakers 6.San Antonio 7.Denver 8.Portland

EAST FINALS: Heat over Bulls
WEST FINALS: Thunder over Grizz
NBA CHAMPS: Miami Heat (let's all pray this doesn't actually happen. Last June was way too much fun)

Before I wrap this up, just wanted to offer some proper dues to a few we lost this week: Brandon Roy, who was tragically cut down in the prime of an All-Star career, Peja Stojakovic, who also retired after terrorizing perimeters all decade, and Jeff Green, the latest in a disturbing line of heart ailment suffered by NBA players, will be sidelined all season. All the best to Roy and Peja in their future endeavors, and our thoughts and wishes should be with Jeff Green and his family, that he might overcome this illness and return to the Celtics soon.

Well, sure enough, it's almost here. The regular season's tipping off in 5 days and has me sleeplessly awaiting Sunday like a giddy 5-year-old. Merry Christmas indeed everyone, enjoy the season.

VICTORY!!!!

I felt like Johnny Drama waking up on the precipice of the Grand Canyon this morning.

I was (probably) still drunk from last night, feeling slightly lost and forlorn, and immediately got a call that changed my life:

The NBA Lockout, after 150 days of monotonous bullshit, is over.

I know you're probably expecting some massive write-up about how resilient the players were, how greedy the owners were or how obstinate both sides were, but I'm sorry, that's not happening. You're not getting some in-depth analysis of what happened and why, because frankly, I don't care.

What I really care about is that WE won. Not the players, not the owners, but us, the fans; the people that drive this business that was subject to such meticulous scrutiny and really make the NBA what it is. We were on the verge of being cheated out of an NBA season by trivial bullshit, and now by some act of divine intervention, we've been spared a whole winter of hockey and curling.

So crack a beer, light up a stogie (word to Red); celebrate. It's time for some fucking basketball...

It's Gonna Be a Long Winter...

Well, it's happened.

It lingered in the back of our minds all last season (as incredible as it was), loomed over our heads all summer, and as the weeks and days kept counting down, all we could do was watch in disbelief, and hope, against all indications, for salvation. No such luck.

After all the closed-door meetings, hardball tactics, verbal warfare, media obscurity and other muddling bullshit, we're left with an empty void where our 2011-2012 season was supposed to be.

With the NBAPA's head in a noose, there are obviously many more questions than answers about where the league's headed, but this situation has devolved beyond any fan's worst fears. Whatever the outcome, we're going to spend the coming months listening to painful litigation quotes instead of EJ, Kenny and Chuck, seeing more of David Stern and Derek Fisher than Blake Griffin and Kevin Durant (not that we haven't enough already), impossibly trying to fill the NBA's shoes with some other sport.

As a die-hard NBA fan, it took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened here. I committed a long ago to remove myself from the lockout; to not read into the shallow and misleading quotes being fed to the media dogs outside every meeting. Basically I was in denial, but now that we've been robbed of a season, I've been served the rudest of wake-up calls. I still don't know exactly how to feel; I'm shocked, a little depressed, but most of all I'm angry. No, sorry, angry doesn't really cut it, I'm fucking livid.

What enrages me the most is what's cost us this season: rich people being greedy. The casual uneducated fan would immediately assume I'm talking about the players for demanding pay increases when they're mostly already millionaires, but no, I'm talking about the ones even higher on the pyramid; the billionaires trying to manipulate them like puppets on strings.

I'm talking about Dan Gilbert, the small-market owner taking a hard line on salaries after he blew his chance to keep a once-in-a-lifetime talent by overspending on role players. I'm talking about Bruce Ratner, to whom the New Jersey Nets were little more than a chess piece (the piece Malcolm Gladwell did for Grantland's a must-read). I'm talking about every NBA owner (and it's the vast majority of them) that inked ridiculous contracts over the past decade, establishing an unsustainable spending pattern that was either going to drive them into bankruptcy or eventually screw over the players. And eventually just happened.

The facts are right in front of us: Right now, Vince Carter (10), Michael Redd (5), and Rashard Lewis (2) are all among the highest-paid players................(ok, just wanted to give you a second to absorb the fact that Rashard Lewis is actually making the 2nd-most money in the NBA), years removed from their last All-Star game, never franchise guys. There's plenty more: Hedo Turkoglu. Luke Walton. Erick Dampier. Beno Udrih. Jerome James. Joe Johnson. Amir Johnson. Josh Childress. Eddy Curry. Andrea Bargnani. Larry Hughes.....It goes on and on. No wonder they were losing millions.

What the owners have done with this precedent is present players with an illegitimate ultimatum: either accept a lower percentage of the BRI - and thus a sizable paycut - or the vast majority of teams continue to hemorrhage money while they try to keep up. They're looking for the guys who ultimately drive their investment and determine its value to shoulder the load for their own stupidity. That's why we're not watching the NBA right now. And that's fucking ridiculous.

The owners dug their own graves, and too proud (or savvy, whatever) to accept blame, took a hard stance applying pressure on those who they saw as below them. As much as I wish a deal could've been reached, a big part of me respects the players for not giving in, and furthermore for proving their love for the game: using the lockout to throw impromptu All-Star games and charity events, trying to ensure that Basketball Never Stops.

But today, it seems like it has. Sure, we can still watch college hoops, maybe find a good site for streaming EuroLeague games, but the fix we crave as basketball fans is going to be much harder to come by as we sit through what's sure to be long, cold winter.

Hope you all like hockey.

Dream On

Lebron James had a dream.

He dreamt of fame; media glory and international worship. He envisioned success; highlight reels, blowout wins, All-NBA nods and Championships. But he thought it was all going to come easy after "taking his talents to South Beach", that life was going to be a breeze with Wade and Bosh along for the ride. He was rudely awakened several times this season; by the Heat's horrible start, cohesion issues with Wade in the halfcourt, and issues closing games against good teams that plagued them right until the playoffs. But still, his dream stayed alive.

It was surely dancing merrily through his head as he basked in the media spotlight last summer, blissfully feigning deliberation while he plotted his exit from Cleveland. It was definitely consuming his thoughts when he had an Adam Morrison-esque on-court meltdown after finally beating the Celtics, in the 2nd Round. It was absolutely all he could think about a couple Thursdays ago when the Heat took a seemingly insurmountable 4th quarter lead in Game 3, and began celebrating like they were already the champs....Right before Dallas stormed back and brought Lebron's dreams crashing back down to reality where, after last night's fatal loss, they'll remain grounded.

Don't get me wrong, last night was about so many other things, but not only was watching Lebron fail extremely satisfying for someone who spent years cheering him on only to have him pull the most despicable cop-outs in the history of pro sports, it upholds justice for the good of the game.

Miami went about the whole thing wrong; they concocted a sleazy pillaging of top-tier talent (perhaps illegally), presented themselves as though they were Gods, boasted and made fools of themselves for most of the season (even when they were losing), let their coach admit guys cried after losses (now we know who), behaved like 4th graders in the Finals, and ultimately got what they deserved; a humbling loss on their homecourt to a team that wanted it more. Their entire season was a crash course in poor conduct, with James at the forefront. His Twitter was on point for once; this wasn't his time. They'll get sent back to the drawing board, and hopefully (for their sake) come back more humble and focused. He obviously didn't learn from his failure in Cleveland, or the severe lynching his image has taken this year, so who's to know if he'll get the message, or keep dreaming.

But yeah, the Dallas Mavericks! NBA Champions! Fuck, that feels weird, not only because it's never been said before, but because jokes about the Mavs choking were as longstanding a spring tradition as horrible officiating. I'm glad to see them break through, even though I've spent more time hating on Dirk than pretty much anything else in life over the past few years. He really impressed me this spring, putting his team on his back and delivering absolute monster performances, closing out games with an unseen killer instinct, battling through injury and illness, and, in contrast to the Heat, acting like a deserving champion. If you're still a Dirk hater, get over yourself, you're too fucking hard to please.

Beyond the Diggler solidifying his Hall of Fame legacy, Jason Kidd was also able to add a title to his Springfield credentials after many a playoff run; if he wasn't a wife-battering asshole I'd probably be happy for him because he's, at 38, still an amazing player. It's nice to see Jason Terry get a ring, Tyson Chandler too; JJ Barea looked like the hungriest guy out there and was a huge X Factor, so he deserves his shine. Shawn Marion's a wash 'cause he played very well, but a huge part of me can't help but feel like his locker-room diva act that forced his way out Phoenix is the biggest single reason why Steve Nash doesn't have a ring...and Deshawn Stevenson...Just hilarious...I'm putting his over-under for Lebron jokes at their postgame party around 80.

Nobody deserves this championship more than Mark Cuban though, because he's the best owner in pro sports. He was like a kid with a toy, except that toy happened to be an NBA franchise. But he took great care of it; he bought a team that had sucked ass for years, was losing its fan base, and fading into obscurity, and immediately made them relevant. Not only were they winning games, and entertaining everybody, but Cuban was drumming up publicity with his in-game antics and constant scrutiny of league policy. Sure, he overpaid players (and didn't overpay the one he should have) but he treated them amazingly well, pimped out their locker room, flew their families around, and created a winning environment that finally reached its apex last night.

Now, much like last year, we drift into an offseason of uncertainty, and its hard to fathom, but much bigger outcomes are at stake. As much as I loved watching Lebron's dream die, I can only hope it's not too long before he gets to chase it again.

The ReBirth of Dirk: Back to the Finals

June 24, 1998;

The soon-to-be-vacated GM Place in Vancouver played host to the NBA Draft; one that would produce a multitude of success stories such as Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, and of course, Michael Olowokandi. Somewhat buried in the annals of franchise-altering horrible trades was one that went down that day; the Milwaukee Bucks snagged German 7-foot prospect Dirk Nowitzki with the 9th pick, and shipped him to the Dallas Mavericks with Pat Garrity for 6th pick Robert Traylor. The Bucks took the loser's end hard, as Traylor's career buckled before it ever took off, while Dallas rode Nowtizki's revolutionary play to a decade's worth of playoff appearances. The tragic part about Dirk's success was that it never seemed to come when it mattered most, and the Mavs flamed out in the playoffs, year after year.

A tragedy of a much greater magnitude took form on May 11th, when Traylor - who had been plagued by conditioning issues throughout his career - suffered a fatal heart attack at his Puerto Rico apartment. Around the same time, the Diggler - who had been plagued by playoff invisibility issues throughout his career - began an all-out assault on opposing defences that's forced even the most jaded Dirk hater (me, in case you're wondering) to admit that he's playing the best basketball in the NBA right now, leading an emphatic charge into the Finals.

Now, by no means am I trying to claim that some preordained supernatural bullshit is connecting these two incidents. Nor am I even suggesting that Traylor's passing made a light go off in Dirk's head that produced this devastating blitzkrieg. But the irony of this timing can't be ignored, because Nowitzki is suddenly playing playoff basketball with a sense of something he's never grasped before: urgency. He's 32, and been in the NBA for 12 years; he saw the window closing and knew this was the time to go all-out with the best team he's ever played on. Dirk spent years listlessly drifting through the playoffs; sure he scored in bunches, but he hardly ever served his opponents with the vicious killer instinct he's displayed these past few weeks. The kind of mentality that evokes not only respect, but fear.

The Mavs now roll into the Finals, looking to avenge the collapse that has marred their last decade's success, against the (well, not really) same team that buried them. While they have depth and experience on Miami for days, the Heat just beasted the team that was probably best equipped to defend them in the NBA and are looking very serious. Miami (obviously) owns the edge at 2 & 3, and although that's about all they have going for them, stopping Lebron & Wade (I'm not going to mention Bosh because as impressive as he was against the Bulls, Boozer was a bum, and Nowitzki is going to destroy him, like confidence-shattering ownage) - by anyone's measuring stick, two of the top five players in the league - when they're this close to a title is going to be very f***ing difficult, especially for a team with only two serviceable defenders to throw at them.

The key to this series figures to be the ability of Dallas' offensive secondary to offset the LeWyane Effect. If guys like Barea and Terry, and Marion can overcome what's sure to be a stifling defensive effort from James and Wade, and provide Dirk with consistent scoring support, then Dallas will be tough to beat. But what I can't get out of my head is how the Western Finals were essentially decided by OKC repeatedly shooting themselves in the face down the stretch of close games, while the Heat closed out several games with crippling 4th quarters, forcing silence upon all those that criticized their clutch factor this season. Which is what's forcing me to believe that despite Dirk's emancipation, the Mavs are, once again, about to come up short. I really hate saying this (even if it validates my preseason prediction): Heat in 6. It's a shame the title celebration won't look this stupid.

For All The Marbles: Game 7

In what's been a nothing-short-of ridiculous postseason so far, we've somehow managed to claw within hours of the Conference Finals without getting to check out a Game 7. Something had to be done, and stepping up to answer the call, as they did when we needed someone to force a triple-overtime thriller, and humiliate the Spurs in the first round before that, ladies and gentlemen; The Memphis Grizzlies.

It's Win or Go Home for both them and the Thunder, and Banter's crack team of resident hoops junkies have assembled to break down (and make fun of) the action. For this afternoon's Game Notes, I'll be joined by my boys The General; Official Thunder Bandwagon Captain, Streeze; Isaiah Rider enthusiast and Blue Chips extra, and Goodie; ruthless high-post assassin, and the subject of a $900 swing dependent on this game's outcome (let's say he's not rooting for the underdogs). The stakes (among other things) are high at Banter HQ, but nowhere higher than Oklahoma City Arena (...Really? That's the best name you could come up with?). Someone's going to end a season today, let's see who's got it in them:

The General: I'm expecting a big game from Kevin Durant...(If Westbrook passes him the ball)

- Meanwhile, Z-Bo's rocking a scowl in the shootaround like he just got told his contract's been voided. Kendrick better watch out.

- Kush in the air, time for tipoff. Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo (seriously) back in the starting lineup.

General: (on OKC's first possession) This is a good sign, Westbrook's touched it twice, and passed it twice

- Apparently, I'm the only one of us cheering for the Grizz, who've beasted their way to an early 10-8 lead. Gasol = The perfect center for a team named after a bear.

Goodie: (on OJ Mayo's real name) Was the " J' " really necessary? Like, "Anthony" is a real name...

Streeze: (on Zach Randolph's recent contract) God he makes so much money...Outside of basketball....Moving drugs.

- Memphis is bringing it early on the road; Conley buries a nice reverse lay-in to put them up 13-8 at the first break.

- Question of the day: What to do with Rudy Gay? (what do you say?)

- Doris Burke is wearing a totally horrifying outfit. It's like she realized Craig sager was stepping his suit game up a bit and saw a niche opportunity. Seriously, Don Cherry looked better last night.

- Kendrick Perkins is being completely overwhelmed by Gasol on both ends.

Streeze: The way he runs, no lumbers, makes me think he won't be around in ten years.

- Durant's doing his thing at the line (go with what works...), OKC up 21-17 as the 1st closes. Memphis and OKC are 7 and 8 for 22 from the field, respectively.

Streeze: How much do you think the people sweeping the floors get paid? I'd probably pay them to do that and get those seats.

- "Running Down A Dream" plays during the pre-break highlight reel. Streeze: Nobody on these teams listens to Tom Petty. Except maybe Nick Collison.

- Daequan Cook, welcome to the Mike Miller Club of wide-open jumpshooters who can't hit wide-open jumpshots. Goodie: When all you do is shoot how can you not just master the dribble-release?

General: Eric Maynor or Steve Blake?

Streeze: Blake was garbage this year... He just put on a headband and missed threes.

Streeze lightens up the commercial break: Which white player in the NBA do you think gets the most ass? General (immediately): Birdman...But Jimmer's gonna get the most handjobs.

Goodie (10 seconds before Westbrook sprints through Memphis on the break and hits KD for three): They're such a better team when Westbrook can get loose in transition

- OKC up 10 halfway into the 2nd; Memphis leads playoff teams with 3 wins after trailing by doubles in the 2nd half, so the Thunder had best not get lazy, or things are going to get unpleasant for me.

Perkins turns the ball over and blows a gasket;

Streeze: God, When you run out of milk, and you're Kendrick Perkins' wife... you're terrified

- As Westbrook careens out of control into Shane Battier, we get curious and find out that GRANT HILL of all people, at 38, after injuries robbed him of a first-ballot Hall of Fame career, put his body on the line to draw the charge more than anyone in the league this year. Way to go.

- Durant makes icy 30-footers look way too casual. 40-29 OKC, 2 left. "Goodie's paying for a stripper if OKC wins". Just a casual Sunday afternoon.

- Durant with 18 in the first half, leading OKC to a 42-34 edge. The Westbrook Factor's been minimal: 7 assists/8 shot attempts = series high.

- From Twitter: "At 3 AM, in a dimly lit bar, Tony Allen's jumper would still go home alone"

- Ovinton kicks off the third by getting under Westbrook's skin and drawing a T, then burying an icy jumper; 42-38. Goodie (on his beard): Harden's grandfathering you.

- Goodie's financial implications are now visibly wearing on his tone when he sincerely asks Russell Westbrook to "please, stop dribbling".

General: I heard they're trading Cold Aldrich and Daequan Cook for Dwight Howard

- Memphis, after a 3-assist first half, is getting back to what won them games and moving the ball well for an open Conley 3; 52-49 OKC

- Durant buries a bomb from 3 to put the Thunder up 8. Streeze: He's got swag for sale today

- Memphis keeps trying to hit home runs from 3. They need more doubles.

- Durant buries another bomb from 3, after Harden beats the shot clock with one, and the place goes buck as a 14-point hole forces a Grizzlies timeout. Westbrook's a bucket away from a triple double.

- James Harden is the most popular guy in this room as he keeps Memphis in their 14-point grave going into the 4th.

- OKC's bench holds serve to open the 4th, keeping the lead at 14 and sending Randolph to the bench lookin' like Charles Barkley after a Pizza Hut buffet.

- The crowd enthusiasm from the Thunder is amazing; They're all on their feet chanting "O-K-C!" with 8:30 left. Say what you want about how they got them (and there's plenty to be said), but these fans deserve this team.

- Russell Westbrook just notched the first Game 7 triple-double since Pippen in '92. #wow

- Memphis gets bailed out by a rare case of good officiating after a faulty shot-clock violation, but OKC's stellar post defense turns them away again. Still down 15 with 6 to go.

- If there was any doubt left, James Harden just killed it. Up 19 with 2:32 left, the Grizz are Thunderstruck.

- Durant leaves to a standing O; why not, he just killed the biggest game of his career on the heels of one of his worst.

- Book the win; 105-90. Durant = The Man. Westbrook = The Unsung Hero. Goodie's Wallet = swole.

Before we get onto the Conference Finals, a quick requiem for the Memphis Grizzlies; a team that wasn't supposed to do anything this year, was home to a midseason-card-game-brawl, lost one of its best players, and oh, only beat the best team in the West and came within a game of doing the impossible yet again. Enjoy your summer boys, if anyone's earned it, you guys have.

My Words Taste...Bitter

I ate my own words last night.

It was really uncomfortable.

Not only was I tied up and force-fed, but they went down about as smoothly as a day-old donair and rested twice as bad in my stomach. I felt like throwing up all night and hardly slept.

The Dallas Mavericks, and in particular Dirk Nowitzki, did what I couldn't have fathomed last night; sweeping homecourt from the Lakers with a decisive win that left the two-time champs reeling. Disco (and unlikely sidekick JJ Barea) buried LA down the stretch with a series of cold-hearted daggers; Kobe was beside himself, Pau was (predictably) helpless, hell Jack Nicholson was losing his cool. Boos rained down from the Staples center while the "favorites" put themselves in a crippling hole against, of all teams, the one with the most troubling past of playoff collapses.

Game 2 forced us all to wake up to the reality that these are indeed a new Dallas Mavericks; now fortified by likely the best defender they've had in the past decade, they've started to adjust and be able to win games without consistent scoring depth. They still have a decent corps of guns that can punish a sleeping defense (see: last night), but these Mavs have adopted a defensive toughness unseen in the past, and it's made them a completely different team in the playoffs. Their history was so deep that their playoff success was one of those "see it to believe it" type phenomena. Well...Believe.

The odds and momentum are heavily in their favor. We've seen this movie before, but there's likely a plot twist or two in store.

Fight For Your Right! Sacramento and the US Get Theirs

What a glorious Monday!

I say that somewhat facetiously because a) it's Monday, b) it's really shitty outside, and c) I just had a week in Vegas get thwarted (the post from the Bellagio sports book would've been something else...). But last night marked the culmination of the most epic wild goose chase of all time; the US finally tracked down Osama Bin Laden, and gave him what was hopefully the slowest death possible. Any day marking the end of the most heinous terrorist alive is one worth celebrating, and although this completes the prime objective of the vague and much-sidetracked "War on Terror", it hardly eliminates the threat that looms worldwide. We can only pray that the images of 9/11 remain horrifying memories that are never re-lived, and that those who have to live in constant fear of violence can be liberated by this endeavor.

On a much smaller scale, but still importantly, today also marks a massive victory for small-market NBA teams, as the Maloof brothers have agreed to keep the Kings in Sacramento for at least the next year while All-Star turned Mayor Kevin Johnson tries to cobble together the cash to keep the team around. The Maloofs say they were swayed by fan support and enthusiasm from several local wallets, but the Commish could have also -to a certain degree- finally put his foot down against owners being idiots with their money and shipping a franchise to the most attractive market to stop the bleeding, leaving a city of pissed-off fans and making everybody look bad. In either case, what was once the Association's most rabid fanbase can attempt to hold onto their only major sports team (hell, even their WNBA team folded) and find a new arena.

Aside from being a nice moral plus to a league that's never long on good PR, the non-move sets a valid precedent for owners, fans and local authorities. Hats off to KJ and his band of local businessmen. It's the closest save in recent memory, and proof that the right combination of enthusiasm and money can save a team from stupidity and greed. Well, unless this happens.

Back on the court, the 2nd Round got underway yesterday, with the Heat and Grizzlies pulling out impressive wins, with slight assists from some bad officiating and worse crunch-time decision making from Russell Westbrook;

Becoming the first 8-seed to first strike blood in Round 2 solidified Memphis as a threat. They frustrated the Thunder on D, moved the ball extremely well, and got a truly scary performance from their post duo. I immediately regret saying what I did about this series being a walk, but I also seriously doubt OKC will play worse than they did in Game 1 for the rest of this series. Westbrook was simply atrocious down the stretch, turning the ball over whenever he wasn't forcing bad shots and freezing out KD, who you know, only went on a personal 14-4 run to win their last game. No biggie.

Boston looked gassed against a Heat team that came out with too much intensity, and too much Dwyane Wade. A lot was made of Wade's regular-season struggles against the Celts (and his consequent 3-hour pregame shootaround), but he completely torched them yesterday, and harassed Ray Allen on every cut. The Celtics' D keyed in on him too much, leaving James Jones open for the easiest 25 points of his life. The story of this game was of course Pierce's questionable ejection, which punctuated a scrappy game and set the tone for serious rivalry. Furthermore, it highlights a league-wide crackdown on players' emotions that's, honestly, pretty f***ing stupid. Stupid, not only because of situations like this where a team's go-to scorer sat out the final minutes of a playoff game on a bad call, but because NBA basketball, especially in the playoffs, is an emotional contest that thrives off of players being 100% invested in the game. Putting the players on such a short leash, under constant scrutiny for getting into it with each other, can't be a healthy trend for a league facing a lockout.

But all complaints aside, today's about something bigger than basketball. Justice and a purpose were served in high order when Bin Laden took the Big L. Hopefully it's not the last step towards eradicating the type of hatred that continues to breed conflict.

The Show Goes On

12:15 pm; Sat, Apr 30; Banter Headquarters (my living room couch):

Roommate: What games are on tonight?

Me: (dejected)...none.

Roommate: Dammit. I was kinda planning my day around that.

Me: (increasingly dejected)...Guess we're hittin' the Palace early.

We're all gonna have to find another vice this evening. Deprived of playoff ball for the first time in two weeks, it's looking like a more standard Saturday night. A not-so-fast but definitely furious first round came to an equal parts unexpected and awesome conclusion last night, when the Memphis Grizzlies finally took down their first playoff series, likely driving the final stake into the Timmy D Spurs' coffin. While San Antonio and Orlando have a few extra weeks to stare at the drawing board they're now facing, the teams that upset them look to keep their slim title hopes alive as the curtain draws on the Second Round:

(1) Chicago Bulls vs. (5) Atlanta Hawks

Count me among the many who are absolutely astonished that the Hawks are still alive. I was just wrong. Wrong about The Collins Effect. Wrong about Atlanta's bench. Wrong about the Magic being the more motivated team. That being said, there's a large gap between a sketchy 4-seed that's played up and down all year, and the 1-seed who just faced a feisty open-round foe and made most of the important playoff-type adjustments in their first test. The Hawks don't match up terribly with the Bulls, but having no answer for Rose - either on D or as an opposing gun (don't give me any of that Joe Johnson bulls***) - will hurt mightily. Chicago's a much more sound defensive unit than Orlando, and if the Hawks are unable to score more than they did in Round 1, an offensive powder keg like the MVP could be enough to blow this one open.

Bulls in 5

(2) Miami Heat vs. (3) Boston Celtics

This series is going to be, by far, the best of the 2nd round. For so many reasons. Not only does it figure to be the most competitive from a basketball standpoint, but it also pits Lebron against the team that ended his Cleveland era in the most depressing way possible, and wages the battle of Good vs. Evil in NBA. Everyone knows the Heat; an arrogant trio of young superstars copping out to the fast-track to the Finals. Meanwhile, Boston's stars came together to fight for an elusive title after 10+ years of loyal soldiering. They Did the Right Thing; sacrificing their own games for the team's sake, having each others' back, making those around them better, playing every playoff game like a Game 7. They're the anti-Heat, and as such, 90% of the World will be cheering for them.

Either way, this series looks to go seven. It'll be the most top-heavy team in NBA history, vs. depth and balance, swagger vs. playoff savvy, ambition vs. pride. The Celtics know their time is now; that their Big 3 are all at 100% is a slight miracle, and with Rondo clicking, they look much better than they did in March. Their obvious concern is a certain #6; the one who's no doubt revenge-hungry and a threat to keep their best scorer on his toes every possession. Pierce covered Lebron very well in '08, but since then he's just gotten older and Bron's gotten better; it will be different this time around, especially with Wade looming. Both are capable of winning games on their own, but will need to thrive in the halfcourt together to win; something they've struggled with all year. The key to this series figures to be Chris Bosh; KG is his Jason Voorhees of potential playoff matchups, and a lack of consistent production from him could tip the scales Boston's way. JO's done an admirable job of defending the rim from a wheelchair, and if he can reasonably imitate Perkins' role, the Heat's inability to crack the Celts' D, combined with a lethal dose of kiddie-pool shallowness, should finally vindicate us from the Heat Wave.

Celtics in 7

(8) Memphis Grizzlies (!!!) vs. (4) Oklahoma City Thunder

'Nuff respect to Memhphis. Their 2nd-best player went down and they still pulled off a historic upset against the Spurs of all teams. That's f***ing awesome. I'd love to be blissfully ignorant and realistically act like they're going to beat OKC, but I feel like they'll have to settle for winning my fandom, because the Thunder are going to work them. There were 3 keys to Memphis' upset: Gasol and Randolph wore the thin front line out; Conley broke Parker down off the dribble a lot; Memhpis' frantic, energetic defense rattled the Spurs' collected attack. All 3 of those factors play right into OKC's strengths, as Westbrook is a nightmare to beat, Ibaka/Perkins are probably the best/toughest defensive post combo in the NBA, and OKC's a young team that will beat your press and punish you in transition. This is where Gay's absence will bite them; despite being an excellent defender, Shane Battier's not long or athletic enough to stop the Durantula; look for the venom to act quickly.

Thunder in 5

(2) Los Angeles Lakers vs. (3) Dallas Mavericks

Dammit, almost thought we had it: matching Spurs and Mavs meltdowns in the first round (too much, I guess). But Dallas showed some playoff grit one time and recovered from a laughable 4th-quarter collapse to close off Portland in 6. They addressed some early flaws, not much unlike the Lakers, who appear to have re-gained some of that championship poise that's eluded them most of this season. They'll have to be hungrier than against the Hornets, as Dallas matches them much better than in previous years: they have two defensive bigs to throw at their feared front line, and a versatile swingman to contend with Odom/Artest. Meanwhile, Dirk gets to face the only 4 in the West who might be softer than him, and Jason Kidd draws his easiest defensive matchup of the postseason. Still, the Lakers, even at 90%, figure to be a tough draw. Gasol's found a perfect target to regain his offensive edge, the Lakers' bench in far more stable than Dallas', and then there's Kobe Bryant (oh yeah, him) who's DeShawn Stevenson's best series away from single-handedly ending the Mavs. (Seriously, how many times will Bryant casually isolate JJ Barea anywhere inside 25 feet before Rick Carlisle completely yanks him? I'm guessing 2nd quarter, Game 1)

Lakers in 6

Grizzly Watch! Game 4 in Memphis

"It is the biggest game in Grizzlies franchise history. A chance to take a 3-1 lead against the #1 seed San Antonio Spurs." - Ernie Johnson

That's why we're here. Let's get into it.

- I spend the 15 minutes prior to this game privately freaking out because "Women's Hockey" is listed on the channel this game's supposed to be on. Canadians love their puck, but my cable company's certainly capable of f***ing this up. Luckily, they did.

- The early talk in the TNT studio surrounds Kobe's bum ankle and the MRI he's apparently forgoing. "Will Kobe sit out?" I'd lay similar odds to those of Sean Elliott hitting a game winner for the Spurs tonight.

- Tipoff! Bias alert: I'm openly going to be cheering for Memphis all night; They're an 8 seed who's never won a playoff series and they're playing the NBA's version of the Patriots; how do you root against them?

- Eva Longoria's ex-husband is torching Mike Conley early, with 8 of the Spurs' first 10

- Marc Gasol: strong case for Most Redeeming Toss-In From a Horrible Trade Ever

-Spurs are clicking early offensively after that first turnover; Timmy D buries a fallaway over Gasol to put them up 16-9 as Lionel Hollins calls for time.

- "In the NHL, you have to win 16 games, JUST to win the Stanley Cup" - Steve Kouleas. Thank you for that oddly-enunciated obvious observation. Really hard-hitting s***. I don't even like hockey, and I'd love to jersey that guy and fishhook him.

- Randolph gets the ball on the block amid 3 defenders and goes to the line. A quick player profile comes up on the screen: "Team Role: Own the Paint". seems about right.

- the Grizz are opening things up a bit, causing turnovers, pushing in transition, and trying to take the Spurs out of their game, so Popovich promptly calls his first timeout and calms things down.

- Sugar Shane Battier is owning George Hill right now, but the Spurs' hot shooting and Memphis' turnovers have put the Grizz down 26-21 after 12 minutes.

- The Grizz's youthful bench is making the Spurs' old legs run more than they'd like to be; Greivis Vasqeuz hits a huge 3 to tie things up at 28

- After a Spurs airball, OJ Mayo comes right back for a transition layup; Grizz up 2, crowd officially losing it. After how much sucking these fans have been through, the energy inside the FedEx Forum tonight could probably cause a nuclear meltdown.

- Richard Jefferson forces a layup through 2 defenders that sails over the backboard and out of bounds, touching nothing, and falls on the landing. Awkward Shot of the Year? (not involving Javale Mcgee)

- Tony Parker's on fire; Tony Allen is not. 35-32 Spurs at 6:40

- Gasol is giving the Spurs all kinds of problems on the boards, challenging for every ball. He's tipped at least 3 to open guys with absolutely no position.

- Tony for 3! Still hasn't missed. He's officially stolen "Pretty Tony" back from Toney Douglas, even if he made the reference more fitting.

- Gasol grabs an offensive board and feeds Mayo for an open 3. Body Up.

- Mayo gets loose and throws down a nice reverse off a beautiful backdoor feed from Z-Bo. Don't worry, you'll see it on SportsCenter.

- Antonio McDyess, he of the veteran sagacity, picks up a foul trying to contain Gasol and fires his mouthguard at the bench. T-bomb.

- Timmy looks tired, straight up. He squares up and loses the ball trying to move to the hoop; he never does shit like that, this is Tim Duncan we're talking about. Farmer's bet he'd rather be matching up with Pau right now.

- Lionel Hollins to Tony Allen "Stop shooting the fucking ball! You're awful!"*

*slight paraphrase

- Manu goes behind his back more than Tony did to Ms. Longoria, finding Parker for two on the break

- Mike Conley doesn't check the clock in time and sends the Grizz into the half down 50-48: San Antonio's shooting like 94% so 2 points isn't that discouraging. Parker's the only one in double figures....with 19.

- For a guy who spends his regular season shoulder-to-shoulder with Jack Armstrong covering the Raptors, Matt Devlin's found himself a cushy playoff gig; it's kinda like Damon Jones always having those great All-Star seats

- Memphis is attacking the Spurs, posting up Gasol and creating a lot of contact down low, to the tune of 3 fouls in the first 2 minutes, and better yet, a 7-0 run.

- Timmy loses the ball on a double-team. The crowd amps it up a notch; the camera cuts to Pop with a rare "Fuck My Life" look on his face, and complete pandemonium erupting around him.

- Confession: the Talking Ball that sounds like Shaft where JR Smith nails a 3 at the end is a pretty decent ad.

- Grizz are on a 14-0 run, the Spurs are handling the rock like a nervous crack fiend, with Memphis playing the swarming cops.

- Gasol, still wreaking havoc on the O glass; rips the rock away from Timmy D and scores. His effect on this game can't be understated. If I was in charge of the Jumbotron/speakers at FedEx arena, I'd have one of these on cue to play every time Tim Duncan did anything at all.

- Smothering D + efficient scoring = Memphis leads by 13 after 3. Suck It, Spurs fans.

- Darrell Arthur delivers one of those "more than two points" buckets, putting a huge swat on Parker, then outrunning the entire break to catch on oop on Bonner's head, put Memphis up 16, and send the crowd to Isaiah Rider heights (interpret that either way you'd like).

- New Most Hilarious Thing Ever, just discovered while Wikipedia-ing Isaiah Rider on commercial. "Oh you got Dana Barros AND Cedric Ceballos on the track?!?!" I'm so buying this on eBay.

- Spurs down 18 with 8 left; luckily, Brandon Roy's playing on the other channel.

- Sugar Shane hits a 3 to bring the lead to 20 at 5:40. I'm more burnt out than Timmy right now, but I'm still cheering at my TV by myself.

- Danny Green appearance = game over.

- "All I Do Is Win" blares on the speakers as the Grizz book the 104-86 victory, and unless San Antonio can do something that's only ever happened 8 times, after being totally owned in the second half, their season will end in the first round. Who needs Rudy Gay?

Watch out for Thorns: Back at the Rose Garden

I kicked off my last post with a bit about how shitty my timing was, and how excited I was to finally get to enjoy every second of playoff basketball, now that it's finally back. Well the Gods are either mocking me, or my karmatic vibes are coming back around for all the merciless Dirk hating I've done. Sure enough, my cable company's inept accounting department has cut my service for an allegedly "overdue" bill that was paid four months ago, leaving me in a nomadic trek between my parents' place and nearby bars, watching when I can, not enjoying things like I should be. I feel like Drew Gooden.

Today, I've decided to kick back at the parents' pad for Game 4 of the Mavs/Blazers opening rounder, a great matchup, turned Brandon Roy soap opera (more on that in a second), and my only upset pick in the first round. Despite their 2-1 lead, the Mavs haven't looked to be decisively in control of this series, and still look vulnerable. I wouldn't be surprised if this went back to Dallas knotted up, but this is also coming from the guy who thought the Knicks might stand their ground at MSG last night; hopefully the Blazers can make me look slightly less stupid.

Before we get into the thick of things, much has been made of Brandon Roy's tearful outburst over a lack of playing time, with many stances being taken on his comments. It's a difficult and delicate situation, and Roy has been through hell trying to get back on the court. But the sad reality is that this team made the playoffs without him, centered around LaMarcus Aldridge, and developing roles for other players. For Roy to return and expect to attempt to re-gain a rhythm, against a superior team in a playoff series, taking minutes from the guys who got them there, on two paper mache knees, if his coach doesn't feel comfortable with it, is unreasonable. Roy's an incredible player if he's healthy, and showed flashes of it in Game 3, but regardless of his former status, and heroic return, his minutes can't be pre-ordained right now.

Anyways, with that out of the way, on with the show...

- Catching the end of this Pacers meltdown is the most hilarious bonus coverage ever. Up 15 with 2:15 left. Up 1 with 15 left. With your season on the line. Joakim Noah just got left open enough for him to break an inbound play and drive for an and-one from 18 feet. Just unreal.

- They finally wake up, defending like madmen on the final Bulls possession and forcing a Carlos Boozer 3 (career 1-9) for the tie. Now, instead of pondering whether this was a good shot, let us wonder why one of the best offensive rebounders in the NBA was straddling the 3 point line, when a quick put-back would've been crucial. Such a shitty way for an awesome comeback to end.

- We've entered The Garden. Ya, after the dud the Knicks threw down last night, Portland's stolen "The Garden" from them, meltdown pending.

- Toss-Up: Wesley Matthews dropping 22 in the first half again, or Jason Kidd dunking on Marcus Camby?

- Deshawn Stevenson's carrying the offensive load early with two treys; 8-4 Mavs at 6:30

- Wesley Matthews promptly shuts me up with an icy three-ball.

- Matthews again, walking right through 4 Mavs in transition. Maybe Kidd's been on Air Alert?...And put on a couple inches?...And owns a time machine?

- Tyson Chandler was possibly the most under-rated player in the NBA this season. For all the (deserved) hype Dwight got about his defense, Chandler was the backbone of an equally atrocious group of perimeter defenders, disrupting penetration and waxing glass all year. He's been huge early.

- A perfect storm of passive offense and solid D, with a touch of sloppy play, has produced a painful first quarter; 16-11 Mavs after 1. 12 combined turnovers. Barea and Matthews have the only field goals in the paint. Good times.

- Barea knows no fear! Really though, his aggression against Portland's bigs is impressive, especially for a guy who makes Eric Murphy look like Arvydas Sabonis.

- Brandon Roy watch: 0-5 early, all jumpers. If this were the regular season I'd have no problem, but this just isn't the time to try and shoot yourself into a rhythm.

- More jumpers for Portland: 5-21 early, they trail 22-13 at 9:05

- Barea keep getting to the hole but the Blazers body up; first a Roy charge, then a Camby swat

- Hard Stojakovic foul on Roy going to the hoop. He seems shaken up, but I have little faith that Peja can hit this guy hard enough to take him out

- Dirk Diggler with a fading, off-balance jumper over two defenders, off a spin into the lane. I wish I could find Nowitzki (for some reason) climbing out of a zoo bearpit, so I could re-enact Wes Mantooth's "I HATE YOU!...But dammit, I respect you" speech. And then push him back in.

- Ason Kidd's putting in a decent campaign to have the "J" returned to his name. Take Wilt's 100, Oscar's season-long triple-double, and shove them; the most incredible stat is Kidd being 3rd in career 3's. I find that completely incomprehensible, somebody with connections is lying.

- Tyson Chandler: perhaps not the guy you want to run your offense through. Though, the way Portland's looked so far, he'd make a great PG for them. 35-27 Mavs at 3:30

- Aldridge turns upcourt, runs straight into Chandler's elbow and gets up in his grill. Chandler raises his arms and walks away. So Aldridge shoves him. Well, that was perfectly reasonable. 'Couple technicals.

- The scrappy play continues as Dirk and Miller fall to the hardwood fighting over a loose ball. Dirk: "So THIS is what playoff basketball's like..."

- Great team play from Portland: Aldridge deflects a pass, saves it to Matthews, who hits Wallace for a nice oop in transition....Matthews again! Suddenly the Blazers are alive and within 4.

- With Dallas' offense on life support, Portland closes the quarter on a 10-2 run. They trail 37-35, and their best player's been a complete non-factor so far; this is very winnable.

- Chuck on Carlos Boozer: "The key to life is knowing your limitations". How many times have those words found their way out of his mouth at the Palms?

- Dallas has 2 points off 8 turnovers and hasn't been to the line as the third quarter begins. Yikes. This game's been a struggle offensively.

- Both teams come out with more jumpers; watching Gerald Wallace settle for a pull-up is like seeing a girl with an amazing butt in really loose sweatpants.

- ..."the other balls" aren't the only ones you kill. Every time you're on TV, we all die a little inside.

- "J"ason Kidd wets another three, the kind that hurts your ears from the mesh twanging so close to the mic.

- The Blazers are 0-7 from the field this quarter and trail by 9, but Chandler just picked up #4 at 7:20

- More J's for the Blazers. (haha, seems about right) Now 0-9, down by 15. At least they're in bonus now so they might be able to get something going at the stripe.

- Dirk bangs a 2nd chance 3; Portland needs to wake the f*** up.

- Portland, again, gets no penetration and settles for a 3 from a streaky shooter (Nicolas Batum) who's hit nothing all day. Somebody, please slap these guys.

- Portland then has Aldridge BACKING DOWN JASON KIDD on the block, who against no double, kicks it out for another missed 3. 0-12.

- Ok, we're down to under 3 minutes. Portland has yet to hit a field goal in this quarter, in 14 futile attempts (now 24% for the game). As much as I wanna see Dallas lose, that seems highly unlikely now, and seeing them go a whole quarter would be really funny.

- Conversely, Peja bangs another 3, the Mavs are 8-14 from deep

- Finally Aldridge catches the ball deep and nets the field goal Portland needed 10 minutes ago, off the look they should've been exploiting the second Chandler hit the bench. Instead, they listlessly drifted the quarter and Trail by 18 heading into the fourth. I'm going to grab some beers.

Azienda: Ready to Rock Sundance 2012

Independent filmmakers from around the world flock to the snowy slopes of Utah every January for the Sundance Film Festival; some to spectate and celebrate, others looking to break onto the scene, and a select few who have managed to turn their visions into reality will be showcasing their work.

Of the countless films premiering at the 2012 festival, few will have the story behind them of Azienda; a twisting tale of deceit inside a mob-connected family. Shot on a shoestring budget by my boy Josh Webber and Michael Girgenti, the film was almost de-railed when a scary speedboat crash during filming brought a real-life brush with death, and took most of the equipment and footage down with the ship.

In a testament to their ambition, the young filmmakers - obviously phased - got right back on track, going at their project with even more focus: "We were able to do a lot of things better the second time around; it was a setback but it made us hungrier", Webber explains. They spent months living and breathing Azienda, flying between LA, New York and Chicago to finish what they started; the film miraculously will still meet its Sundance 2012 premiere date.

The trailer looks compelling and very polished for a film that was entirely indie; if it's any indication, the boys should have a hit on their hands. To find out more, check out http://www.aziendathemovie.com/

Game Notes: Knicks @ Celtics, Game 2

If you looked up "bad timing" in the dictionary, you'd find something about a Blue Rodeo song, the Adrian Peterson who plays RB for the Seahawks (the one who you need to type "other Adrian Peterson" to find on Google), and a picture of me running after a bus in the rain or something.

Very rarely in my life do things line up conveniently for me to indulge in basketball the way I'd like, but with school having ended last week, my bartending gig not starting til next week, and the US government going all Monty Burns on my other line of work, I'm suddenly left with the most free time of the year when I need it the most; the hectic 2011 Playoffs kicked off with the best opening weekend in recent memory, full of upsets, game-winners, and huge performances.

One of the highlights was a highly-contested tilt at the TD Garden, that saw the Celts narrowly escape thanks to Ray Allen, after they spent 3/4 of the game in limbo, almost got the game handed to them by the refs, then had Carmelo finish the job. Tonight's slate of three Game 2s kicks off with their shot at redemption; a chance to sting the Knicks at home and re-assert themselves before traveling to hallowed Madison Square Garden, where playoff excitement is sure to be at a fever pitch. Can it live up to the excitement of Game 1? Let's join EJ, Kenny and Chuck...

- Billups is out, so is the jury on whether (Pretty) Toney Douglas can step up...definitely better defensively against Rondo, but Billups' presence as a floor leader might be missed

- EJ: "(D'Antoni) says if it comes to it, they'll continue going to Carmelo"

Charles: "That's why they're gonna have a new coach next year"

EJ: "Well statistically he's the best closer in the NBA over the past decade..."

Charles: (interrupting, looking puzzled) "....is Kobe Bryant dead?"

- A Knicks fan walk smiliing into the Garden with a #3 jersey. I've got 3:1 on Starks, 5:1 on Williams, and 577,000:1 on Marbury

-Tipoff! Rondo sends a bounce pass to some photographers on the first possession.

- Landry Fields bricks two free throws as Steve Kerr notes that he's fallen out of his flow since Anthony's arrival. Coincidence?

- The Knicks are attacking the rim early; JO's holding it down. Donuts still at 10:30

- Fields nets the first goal; oddly enough a fast break layup off a beautiful outlet from Anthony

- Pierce gets mugged under hoop, loses the ball, which falls to JO, who gets swatted by 'Melo; lotta contention early....until Rondo severs through the Knicks' D for 2 easy transition layups

- An open Ray Allen floater from the elbow; might be the safest 2 points in this game...As I type that, Rondo slices his way to another uncontested layup

- Douglas abuses Rondo, but Pierce gets his back with a huge rejection, setting up Rajon on the break. Next play, he gets Douglas back, sending him to the bench with foul #2, and although Rondo at the line's a worst-case scenario, he's a monster right now

- Rondo beats the Knicks back on D for an open layup off the outlet. I think I'm getting delirious and rewind the DVR to double-check. OK, that actually just happened again.

- 3 commercial breaks in; I've yet to see the talking ball or time-travel home video ads. This is awesome news, let's see how long we can keep it up...

- Back to the game; Knicks have Bill Walker on Rondo now, who immediately gets beat for another layup. Boston steals the ball and gives the guy a much needed rest. Enter: Lebron James' quasi-stepfather.

- Glen Davis takes a shot in the face from Melo; you'd think he'd be watching that sort of thing after the last game...

- Still clear on the Unbearable Commercial Watch; also no Craig Sager sightings yet, which is somewhat disheartening; David Aldridge is like 1/250th as hilarious

- Anthony Carter hits an open look...wait a fucking second, Anthony Carter's still in the NBA?...and I thought Shaq was due for the glue factory...

- Melo abuses a double team with the shot clock winding down, banks an and-one from a very tough baseline angle, and gets a two-for-one. Not shabby.

- New York closes the quarter on an 8-0 run, but still trails Rajon Rondo 23-21

- *sigh*....Finally, we get a Talking Ball ad. I don't know if I'm thankful for going a quarter without it or just more annoyed by the delayed inevitable. What I do know is that if you gave me 30 seconds and a hit of salvia, I could come up with a better playoff ad campaign.

- Jeff Green finally gets some burn. I wonder if Danny Ainge ever wondered in the 5 minutes between drafting Green and trading him for Ray Allen: "In 4 years, I'm going to get this guy back for my 5th-best player, and it's going to make my team indisputably worse".

- Rondo's back in the game, going to-to-coast and drawing the harm. Given the way the rest of his team's shot so far in this series it's hard to blame him for not passing.

- Unbearable Commercial Watch: we've still been spared the time-travel ads, which although higher-concept and what some would call poignant, are infinitely stupider, and surprisingly crappily edited. Nobody relates NBA excitement to some crazy old man creeping out a high school kid.

- Jeff Green cleans up an ugly Pierce brick amid 3 blue jerseys; maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him; knotted at 28 with 8 to go...Green promptly picks up his third foul and forces JO to remove himself from his sideline ice chamber (drawing a delay-of-game after 4 minutes) and re-enter. Seriously, he looks like Dr. Freeze.

- Garnett nails a long jumper to bring Boston within one after a long 3 from Melo. The cameras shift to him on the ensuing timeout; on cue he begins screaming and flailing his arms. I love his intensity, but I can't help but be reminded of those corny shows where people fight meter maids.

- 6 Breaks in: still no time-travel, only one talking ball. #Winning

- New York's just murdering the glass; 20-6 over the last 10 minutes after a Stoudemire tip-in

- Rondo gets another layup; Boston leads the fast-break scoring 16-2

- The Knicks get another second chance but can't convert, and trail 38-37 because they're pulling a very convincing Butler Bulldogs impersonation this quarter

- Another talking ball; at least this one isn't a shitty comedian with a crush on Dwight Howard.

- Wide-open layup for Big Baby; I'd love to see Boston's shot chart. If I was Mike D'Antoni my entire halftime speech would consist of showing that diagram with the hoop completely covered by green dots, followed by ours with a bunch of mid-range red dots. And stand there silently.

- Injury update: Amar'e on ice? @KnicksBasketball#FYL

- Despite this unsettling development, Melo's come out huge and led NY to a 45-44 lead at the half with 16/10/4. Rondo's pacing Boston with 18/3/3, but the rest of their team seems out rhythm offensively. The Knicks almost seem to unintentionally making Rondo scorer by default; bodying up everyone else like the Spurs did to Steve Nash in the semis a few years ago and making it harder for him to create. He scored 40-something. In a loss.

- Interesting fact: Charles Barkley does not have a "Round Mound of Rebound", "I'm Not a Role Model", or any other tattoo. Even when school ends, the education continues.

- Amar'e's (man that looks awkward) back spasms are being treated, Knicks trainers are "optimistic" he'll return. No shit.

- Melo's consequently got the green light to start the 3rd. NY wastes his first jumper on a D3.

- Rony Turiaf steps out of bounds trying to save an airball. I've seen some animated gestures from refs, but I've never seen one Harlem Shake along the baseline.

- The Knicks continue to allow Ray Allen to shoot uncontested 17-footers for some reason

- Melo tries a "F*** you, I'm scoring" iso-jumper over Rondo, who gets the ball back and weaves into the D to find Pierce for a trey-ball. 12-3 run to start the quarter,

- Unbearable Commercial Watch: Ok, we're into the third quarter, and still no time travel ads. I'm beginning to think I might realistically get through an NBA game without seeing one of those annoying pieces of crap for the first time all year. #ReallyExcited

- Toney Douglas for 3 to beat the shot clock; he's been decent tonight, you know, aside from letting Rondo beat him like his child.

- Melo bombs another 3, but it's again wasted when Bill Walker shoves Allen under the hoop. T-bomb. Melo looks like someone at airport security just found weed in his bag.

- Stop talking about hockey during a basketball game. I know you're not Canadian, you don't get it, but you're preaching to the wrong fucking choir.

- Uh oh. Boston's moving the ball now and Jesus is looking holy (4-4) from long range. 65-61 Celts. The "optimism" regarding Amare's (I'm limiting one ' per word) back isn't helping much right now.

- Carmelo already has a playoff career high 14 rebounds already, which has come in handy...

- Flo Allen makes her token appearance; apparently she ran the Boston Marathon yesterday!! Good for her!!

- The bomb drops: Amare's not coming back. Down nine with 1:28 in the third. You need to win: Dig deep.

- The Knicks respond by getting stripped on the baseline; Pierce buries a contested turnaround: Dig deeper. side note: Paul Pierce might be the best set shooter since Hal Greer. Kevin Love gets more elevation on his J.

- Melo draws a cheap foul to get to the line and bring NY within 7; 3-4 inches on a 60-foot heave from Walker would've made it 4, but they're still alive heading into the 4th.

- "Sooner or later, we're gonna end up behind bars...But not todayyy (or for another 1-2 subpar sequels)" - Vin Diesel

- Melo stays in Beast Mode, grabbing his 17th board for an and-one putback. #RedeemingYourGame1

- Pierce buries another J to keep Boston up 6, but Melo keeps attacking, drawing the foul for his 10th & 11th free throws, then gets another transition bucket off a KG miss....Soon after he picks up his fourth foul: Kerr "I think at this point, you've gotta leave him out there". You think?

- Me: I haven't seen a time travel ad yet, I'm really happy about it

Roommate: I think they're gradually replacing them with those talking ball ads

Me: (belatedly coming to this realization) I can live with that.

Here's a good one: an hour of watching those ads on repeat, or an hour of sober sex with the most unattractive person you've ever drunkenly hooked up with (and yes, she's staying, and making you cook breakfast). I'd take the sex in a second, and I've made some poor choices in life.

- The Celts swarm Melo; he leads a beauty down the lane to a wide open Turiaf. Melo's hit some difficult shots, but creating offense for Rony Turiaf, that's truly impressive.

- ok, Carmelo Anthony is just in the fucking zone right now. 78-76 Knicks.

- 2nd chance points haunt the Celts again; Pretty Toney nails a 3 to give New York a one point lead. #LosingYourReligion

- Rajon Rondo has 12 fields goals; all of them in the paint. If his team were beating a 6-seed without 2 of their best 3 players right now, I'd call that damn impressive.

- Rondo, on cue, hits a jumper from the top of the key to put Boston up 2. He now has 30; a new playoff career high.

- We get our signature KG hustle play, diving on the floor for a jump ball like he was 10 years younger...too bad the possession results in a Rondo 3 attempt.

- The shot clock's winding down! Nobody's open! Never fear, Carmelo Anthony's here! He's got 42, and all the respect he might've lost from media haters after Game 1. Knicks up 91-88

- After Pierce hits two at the line, the teams trade duds for a few plays until KG gets the feed for a momentous, lead-taking dunk.

- Mikey D takes a timeout, and rightfully so, his last two possessions resulted in shots that were uglier than the girl I'd make myself bang to avoid watching the time travel ads.

- Jared Jeffries (!!!) to the rim, Knicks back up by 1

- KG puts Jeffries in his place, isolating him on the low block and hitting an icy hook.

- New York with the ball, down one. I wonder where the ball's going?

- The Knicks run a nice play to draw Melo's double away from the hoop, but a combination of KG's brilliant defense and Jeffries having no hands leads to a turnover, a timeout, and after they inexplicably allow the Celts to dribble down the clock, the end of the game.

Marv calls the loss "disheartening". Melo looks understandably deflated. What he did tonight was almost transcendent; he kept his team alive in a game they had no business winning with a stunning offensive assault. The Knicks must regroup and hope their injured stars can heal in time for them to shine at the Garden. The Celts escaped another close one: they lead 2-0 but by the slimmest of margins. They'd be wise to stay alert and work on the glass; it almost cost them a game that would've been humbling to lose.

It Begins...

So the regular season's over. Blake Griffin's going to be on TV less, but just about everything else about this transition in the 2011 Playoffs is going to make for more entertaining, and simply better basketball. While MJ and Prokhorov duke it out for lottery status, the real fight for the NBA crown looks as volatile as ever; a new favorite seems to emerge every couple weeks as teams slide in and out of Beast Mode (Lakers, Heat, Mavs), get shot in the foot (Spurs), or shoot themselves in ass (Celtics). The opening round should be a revealing couple of weeks (ya, it's gonna be a while), much will be unveiled about how these wayward contenders respond to the playoff pressure. I tried getting a hold of Tracy McGrady to find out exactly who was going to win, but he's been screening my calls, so here goes nothing: Banter's First Round predictions...

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Chicago Bulls (1) vs. Indiana Pacers (8)

Playing the role of "Eastern Lottery Team that Stumbled Into the Playoffs Despite Itself", the Pacers will be in over their heads against a Bulls team that outmatches them across the board and defends their key positions extremely well. Nobody on Indiana can even fantasize about containing Derrick Rose, and if he can exploit the Pacers' average-at-best perimeter D with the ease he's been getting accustomed to, this series will be quick and painful. Maybe the dogs get lucky and steal one, but Indiana doesn't have the firepower to overcome Thibodeau's vaunted defense.

Bulls in 4

Miami Heat (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7)

Well, this is it; it's time for the Heat to really show us which of the two teams they oscillated between this season will show up for the postseason. Their first opponent is a cagey defensive team that doesn't mind running (sound familiar?) but will be severely handicapped by their lack of an offensive answer for Chris Bosh (without even mentioning LeWyane), but their underrated bench could cause some problems against Miami's Ke$ha-esque shallowness; maybe even enough for a W.

Heat in 5

Boston Celtics (3) vs. New York (6)

The Knicks are back in the playoffs, and as a homecoming gift, drew the top Eastern seed that's been actively self-destructing since Danny Ainge's awkward Deadline faux-pas. Boston's been doing their best Hank Moody impersonation since Mid-February, but they still match up favorably against New York. What remains to be seen is how well they can defend the rim without Perkins lurking in the trenches. The Celts' mid-range defense is still outstanding, but if Melo and Stoudemire can get to the hole, Krstic and half of Shaq will have their hands full. The Knicks could steal a couple, especially at the Garden against a team that's still finding itself, but Boston's too well-rounded for a first-round collapse.

Celtics in 6

Orlando Magic (4) vs. Atlanta Hawks (5)

We saw how this played out last year. Granted, the Magic are a totally different team, but Atlanta hasn't done anything all season to suggest they're any better all season. Joe Johnson's been underwhelming. Josh Smith might've hit his ceiling. Al Horford's been quietly spectacular, but will have to play the best ball of his life and take out one of Dwight Howard's legs to get the better of him. If there were an award for Listlessly Talented Team That Has No Chance of Overperforming in the Playoffs, they'd win it. Which is why they're going to lose.

Magic in 5

WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Antonio Spurs (1) vs. Memphis Grizzlies (8)

Despite being a 1/8, this could be one of the more interesting opening-round series. San Antonio's walking wounded (Ginobili=out for Game1, Duncan+Parker<100%) and Memphis boasts a not-all-that-shallow-anymore bench and can grind in the molasses-pace halfcourt the Spurs play. Ginobili's convalescence is the key; Memphis has found ways to score without Rudy Gay and can steal Game 1 without him, but it's hard to see the Spurs losing; they're too deep, smart and experienced to fall this early.

Spurs in 6

Los Angeles Lakers (2) vs. New Orleans Hornets (7)

After Bynum's false alarm, the Lakeshow appears to be back on schedule to murk the West-less Hornets like one of those blue zap-lamps, and send the NBA media into a "When Will David Stern trade Chris Paul to the Knicks?" speculation frenzy. Despite Carl Landry's best efforts, this team is too thin beneath Chris Paul to fuck with the two-time defending champs. LA, much like Miami, has had trouble deciding whether they want to be brilliant or awful this season; look for this to be a statement series that they're not to be taken lightly.

Lakers in 4

Dallas Mavericks (3) vs. Portland Trailblazers (6)

(Upset Alert!) Because I've gotta go with one, Portland's probably the most underrated team in the Playoffs, and the Mavs are an easy target for a first-round collapse. Dallas has been wildly inconsistent this season, prime to be caught off guard by a team that's suddenly healthy and both deep and talented enough to cause them a lot of problems. Dirk cannot defend Lamarcus Aldridge, who's comfortable enough on the elbow to make Tyson Chandler's help irrelevant. Brandon Roy could probably put up 20 on the Beaubois/Barea/Terry/Kidd backcourt in a wheelchair. Camby/Wallace is probably a better defensive-specialist/wild card combo than Chandler/Marion. Maybe the Mavs bring their game faces, but a team with a long history of playoff meltdowns, who hasn't brought in any established postseason performers, shouldn't be counted on for it. Portland can do this: Make Greg Oden proud.

Blazers in 6

Oklahoma City Thunder (4) vs. Denver Nuggets (5)

A lot of people are talking up the Nuggets and their post-Melo success like they're some sort of Dark Horse contender out West. I think those people are on acid. Denver's young and talented; they have an intriguing roster with depth to spare, but they lack many essential playoff ingredients: Nobody on their team (with the exception of Kenyon Martin, and possibly Nene) has played meaningful playoff basketball. None of their players are consistent go-to scoring options. Speaking of which, they have nobody to stop Russell Westbrook or Kevin Durant (if you have HD, you'll probably be able to see Durant's eyes twinkle when he catches Gallinari alone on the perimeter), and the Ibaka/Perkins monster makes OKC a much more formidable defensive foe, one that Denver will have a much tougher time beating at their own high-octane game. The Nuggets played the Melo deal perfectly; they coyly baited a desperate team with valuable assets, like a trampy gold-digger marrying some terminally ill 80-year-old gajillionaire. They came out of it looking as good as possible heading forward, but this isn't a team built to win in the playoffs, especially not against OKC: your REAL Western Conference Dark Horse.

Thunder in 5