Offseason Power Rankings Part III: The Top 100

We've been through the losers and the have-whats, now it's time to count down the Top 100 of the Offseason Power Rankings.

(If you're not up date and have some time on your hands, check out Part I and Part II)

This is the top 10%; anyone who's here was a clear winner of one of the zaniest offseasons ever, so congrats to all. Without further ado...

100. Nike's New Jerseys

Clean, bold, well-received in an era where things like jerseys, logos and even court designs are hyper-analyzed. The addition of corporate logos - once a widely-feared new realm - went over very smoothly, and generates new revenue for an increasingly-progressive league.

91. Denver Nuggets
Whether or not Paul Millsap makes long-term sense for such a young team, the Nugs now have a valuable asset that lifts them cleanly into the playoff picture of a loaded West. They also score high in the upside/continuity index that benefits a roster on the come-up.

It's unclear whether Millsap himself will be enough to make their comical defense respectable, but after years of failed Kenneth Faried-based attempts to land an All-Star, Denver's done it while retaining all their assets.

82. JJ Redick
Redick's upcoming season is a perfect NSA arrangement; a fat one-year contract so he can help an upstart team hit the salary floor, have the green-light on 3s, and tap Joel Embiid for his podcast.

74. Manu Ginobili
Screw the "help-the-team" loyalty discount a-la Tim Duncan. Manu still pocketing $14 million on his new one-year deal.

67. Philadelphia 76ers
Already in the midst of inspiring progress last year, the Sixers added two #1 overall picks to the mix, while retaining the best long-term financial situation of any NBA team.

They'd be much higher if it weren't for the lingering double-edged dilemma of Joel Embiid's unreliable health and ill-timed contract extension. Inking him is the ultimate gamble; not since Bill Walton has a player shown both such immense talent and injury risk.

59. Joe Ingles

Few players will ever get as much money for accomplishing so little.

58. Cristiano Felicio
OK, maybe more than a few.

50. The Nick Young-JaVale McGee Reunion
The Ringer's Shea Serrano explains:

"I’m excited for, like, eight months into the season when Nick goes missing for two days and everyone’s in a panic but then it turns out that he and JaVale were playing a game of hide-and-seek and JaVale just forgot to look for him."

42. Kristaps Porzingis
He still plays for the Knicks so we can't put him too high, but Zinger had a pretty kick-ass summer.

First, Phil Jackson got fired for even talking about trading him, which is the best thing that's happened to the Knicks' personnel in memory. Not even recent memory, just memory period.

Not only is Porzingis now free of the triangle, but also possession czars Carmelo Anthony and Derrick Rose. He'll now have all the touches he wants, and can begin to test his immense ceiling as a player.

37. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
Despite only getting one year of guaranteed money, KCP hit a solid paycheck and landed in an ideal situation for a contract year. He'll have ample touches playing with a pass-first point guard and for a player's coach, on a team set to make upward moves with few expectations.

I could be wrong, but I'm also pretty confident Caldwell-Pope was the only free agent signee who got compared to a biblical miracle by their new GM this summer.

32. Kawhi Leonard's MVP Stock
Last year's third-place finisher might be the current frontrunner for MVP, with a mob of the league's best players all nullifying each other on the same teams. There's also enough haze surrounding Cleveland's season to feel leery of the default MVP's odds.

If Kawhi does win, he'll join Michael Jordan and Hakeem Olajuwon as the only winners of the MVP-Finals MVP-DPOY triple crown (Olajuwon won all three in the same season #beast).

29. Blake Griffin
Griffin took two large W's this summer. First, Chris Paul's departure left him solo as the team's biggest star in a massive market; something that will probably matter to the brand-savvy Griffin more than most.

Better yet, one of the NBA's most often-injured players just locked up $170 million. In Griffin's case, his ailments have been usually minor, non-repeating, and occasionally self-inflicted, but anyone with his rap sheet has to be happy the ink on that contract's dry.

25. Tracy McGrady 
A guy who spent a solid decade as a walking Hall of Fame debate finally gets to end the speculation.


22.  Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka
Magic someday running the Lakers just seemed like manifest destiny. You can almost picture Jerry Buss on his deathbed telling Magic: "It's all set up. I'll pass control of the team to Jimmy so he gets his inheritance and feels fulfilled. But he'll screw it up horribly and force himself to be replaced. That's where you step in... Sorry one of my call girls gave you HIV."

Meanwhile Pelinka's made gradual power moves from the Fab Five's supporting cast, to high-level NBA agent, and now GM of one of the biggest sports franchises in the world. Impressive laddering.

20. The Drive-By Dunk Challenge
Because "NBA Stars Dunk and Run at Random Homes" is a real, actual headline from CNN.

19. Myles Turner and Rodney Hood's Fantasy Stock
There's gonna be a lotttt of touches to go around in Indiana and Utah this year. Bet on these guys being the prime beneficiaries.

18. Boston Celtics
Much can be said about Danny Ainge's whirlwind offseason, most of which is positive:

- He traded for a quasi-superstar
- He netted an All-Star for absolutely nothing
- He flipped a #1 overall pick and still got his target player
- He bailed on the Isaiah Thomas experience at what's looking like the perfect time
- Boston's one of the NBA's six best teams and might not have even come close to its ceiling yet

But then there's the flipside that the Celts probably overpaid for Kyrie, while fanning on Jimmy Butler and Paul George when their prices couldn't possibly have been lower. Ainge stockpiled assets masterfully, but his payout might leave something to be desired.

17. Dion Waiters
Contract-wise, by far the Most Improved Player of the NBA offseason: Waiters Island GDP is up from 2 yrs/$6 million to 4 yrs/$52million.

16. Stephen Curry
Chef Curry was cookin' everywhere this summer; from winning history's most ridiculous basketball game on a Korean TV show, to showing out at a professional golf tournament.

Meanwhile, Curry's kitchen budget got a boost with his $200 million contract, finally paid like the mega-star he is.

15. Otto Porter
Porter's uber-efficient breakout 2016-17 season netted him a max deal, underscoring the inflated market value of a solid 3 & D guy. Otto may yet grow into his contract, but is undoubtedly a beneficiary of the recent free agency spending spree. Speaking of which:

14. The 2016 & 17 Free Agent Classes
Because this pattern is financially unsustainable. When the guys who signed pre-2016 deals all expire, demand this kind of money, and the free agency market slowly crashes, the Bismack Biyombos and John Leuers of the world will only be able to sit back and smile.

13. Carmelo Anthony

Finally escaped New York, finding refuge with the best team he's ever played on. Melo's arrival in OKC allows him to chase his perpetually-elusive playoff relevance, in what's probably the end of his prime.

Better yet, it's a perfect situation for Team USA Melo to finally emerge in the NBA. Anthony is a dangerous spacing threat when not clogging the ball in the midrange. He dominated Olympic play for years in this role, and sneakily shot better than 42% on catch-n-shoot threes last year. With all the defensive confusion Russell Westbrook and Paul George will cause, there should be more open treys for Melo than ever before.

He's been set up perfectly to re-invent himself and perhaps steer his legacy in a better direction. If Hoodie Melo is any indication, that may have already begun.

12. Dwyane Wade
Distancing himself from the train wreck in Chicago was a winning move for a guy whose years of relevance as an NBA player might be numbered. But joining the Cavs and reuniting with LeBron to chase another title? I can't recall the last time a player instantly upgraded his team - and legacy potential - so significantly. #BananaBoat!

11. Los Angeles Lakers
Jimmy Buss is gone. So is Timofey Mozgov's Hindenberg of a contract, and that snitch D'Angelo Russell. Inbound are Lonzo Ball (more on him later), Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Brook Lopez and potential draft steal Kyle Kuzma, plus a lean, mean Julius Randle, and more comfortable, less string-beany Brandon Ingram.

Also, while it may still be forecasting, the entire NBA community did spend the summer yammering about Paul George and possibly LeBron signing next year. This is the Lakers though, they could only be irrelevant for so long.

10. Houston Rockets
They may have missed out on Melo, but landing Chris Paul is a slam-dunk win for a team that's whiffed on superstars time and again. Credit Daryl Morey for steadily building assets while also remaining competitive, getting max return when he deployed them.

Paul and James Harden will both have to get used to sharing ball control and playmaking duties, but are set up ideally; running pick-and-rolls with Clint Capela, surrounded by an elite corps of shooters. If there's one coach who can make this work, it's Mike D'Antoni.

9. Sam Presti's Trading Acumen
Similar to players, GMs have attributes. Sitting a decade at the helm of the Thunder's front office, Presti had developed a consistent reputation as a master of the draft board, and perhaps a bit of a minus on the trade market (see: Harden, James; 2012 et al).

This was particularly problematic to the Thunder, a free-agency pariah who currently weren't bad enough for a lottery pick, and needed to pull rabbits out of hats to keep the reigning MVP in town.

But what Presti accomplished this summer was a stark antithesis to his trading track record. He landed not one but two star players for pennies on the dollar, while looking ever smarter for dumping Cameron Payne on the lowly Bulls for a king's ransom.

In the midst of reverse-engineering his reputation, Presti also swiped Melo from the rival Rockets, and gave Westbrook the assurance he needed to ink long-term. OKC's outlook can only improve if Presti's new competitive edge continues trending.

8. Tim Hardaway Jr
This year's recipient of the "Why??" Award, for the contract that was offered in the moment of most profound weakness, impulsivity, and possible intoxication.

7. Oklahoma City Thunder

Against every conceivable odd, the Thunder landed two star players for virtually nothing, and will reclaim a spot in the West's top four. Granted, it all comes with a large asterisk.

Uniting the Westbrook/George/Melo triad optimally will be tricky, and there's a solid chance their new stars could peace out next summer. The Thunder are possibly setting themselves up for yet another superstar breakup; they're like the Taylor Swift of the NBA.

Of course, locking up Russell Westbrook is a massive safety net for OKC. If the new Big 3 mesh, it's incentive for PG to reconsider his Lakers dreams, and for Melo, his best chance to be relevant on a contender. Even if they do leave, the Thunder still have an MVP to build around. 

Regardless of outcomes, PG and Melo were a must-take gamble for the Thunder given the price. If the team remains together, Sam Presti's summer will go down among the trade market's greatest all-time heists.

OKC is, if nothing else, refusing to be complacent while showing strength in the trade market for perhaps the first time. For a franchise and fanbase that lost James Harden for pennies and Kevin Durant for zilch, it has to be a feel-good moment.


6. Jrue Holiday
Gifted a lavish $125 million contract in what can only be deemed an act of desperation from the Pelicans' front office. Holiday has been a consistent ailment risk since arriving in New Orleans, averaging only 51 games per season over four years.

Despite his effectiveness in that limited role, he's now paid like a star for the next half-decade. Inking such an injury-prone player for so much and so long opens the Pels up to a multitude of issues, especially given their training staff's poor track record.

As such, Holiday should've been subject to a handicapped contract, but got stacks thrown at him. His new fortune is especially lucky given how bad the market was for good point guards with checkered injury records - just ask Kyle Lowry.

5. Kevin Durant
KD absolutely crushed the NBA Offseason Social Media Sweepstakes, roasting numerous haters on Twitter, while randomly (but hilariously) picking off Adreian Payne in the crossfire.

He also ensured Golden State could keep their core together by taking a massive pay cut, a move whose true altruism is debatable but nonetheless is a huge plus for the Warriors and Durant's legend growth.

But most importantly, this offseason was Durant's Moment. He had ascended to the peak, dominated the NBA Finals, and smothered every hater in a shower of championship confetti. He clearly didn't give a flying fuck what anyone said about him. Nor should he have. Durant was untouchable this summer; the single player with the least to prove coming into this season.

4. Leslie Alexander
Buys Rockets in 1993 for $85 million. Immediately wins back-to-back titles. Enjoys hordes of Yao Ming and James Harden merchandising revenue. Sells Rockets in 2017 for $2.2 billion. Good game, sir.


3. Minnesota Timberwolves
This is how you offseason. The Jimmy Butler heist set basketball in Chicago back a half-decade. It gave the Wolves a two-way beast who creates buckets for himself that Ricky Rubio no longer will for others, and allows Andrew Wiggins to guard worse players (instead of being the NBA's  most picked-on defender).

As if that weren't enough, they inked another Tom Thibodeau alum in the versatile Taj Gibson, while getting great value on the Jeff Teague signing. Add Jamal Crawford to only juice the veteran presence on what's now one of the NBA's deepest rotations.

Concerns about their spacing and shooting are overblown. While they lack 3-point marksmen, pretty much their whole rotation are average or slightly-above gunners from distance. They can play five-out capably and no longer field the NBA's worst-shooting PG duo in the Rubio/Kris Dunn two-headed monster.

Either way, the Wolves took the express elevator to NBA relevance; they should leap a good seven spots - at least - in the standings this season.

2. Lonzo Ball

Regardless of what you think about Lonzo or his inflammatory dad, he absolutely killed it this offseason.

Being drafted by his hometown Lakers sets him up to lead their rebuild while in a perfect market to grow his brand. It also enables him to be close to his mother as she recovers from a recent stroke.

The Vegas Summer League was basically the Lonzo Ball Show, where he toyed with the opposition, averaged a boisterous 16/9/7/3.5 stocks, and won both the MVP and championship. Recently it came time for training camp, where Lonzo is torching his new teammates, leading a squad of bench scrubs and rookies to an unbeaten record in scrimmages.

Ball's obvious ambitions to develop a personal brand also took flight. Lonzo was inescapable this summer; from his shoes, to his raps, to his reality TV show, and soon to be a Facebook documentary.

Even if his opinions about classic hip-hop are dubious, the mere fact that such things register as news are proof that Lonzo Ball has made it. He firmly emerged from LaVar's ominous shadow this summer, which could be considered the biggest victory of all.

1. Golden State Warriors

Everything's coming up Warriors.

This may seem like an easy way out, but even for the defending champs the Warriors had a simply incredible offseason that registered on so many levels:

Merely kicking the summer off with a championship parade is good for a strong ranking, but the Warriors weren't satisfied. Draymond Green spent the celebration mercilessly trolling the Cavs (the "Quickie" tee was pure genius) and publicly unnerving LeBron.

Next came draft night and robbing the Bulls of Jordan Bell, who spent Summer League putting on a frightening display of freakishly athletic defense that set the whole internet - and NBA - on notice.

Kevin Durant then took a 20% pay cut, immediately making him the NBA's best-value contract. The salvaged cap room enabled Golden State to give Steph Curry a much-deserved max deal while retaining their entire core of free agents - even JaVale McGee!

They signed Swaggy Mothafuckin' P.

They united the two guys responsible for one of history's greatest "Fuck You" shootouts.

Their stars were everywhere in the offseason, maintaining a pulse that permeated the NBA fandom bubble and resonated heavily in new markets and countries.

But most importantly, they served as a galvanizing force in the ongoing struggle against Trump's tempestuous tirades. The controversy surrounding their White House (dis)invitation became a lightning rod the entire World - not just the sports world, everyone - rallied around. The Warriors handled a difficult situation with class and aplomb, sending a powerful message to - like it or not - a very powerful person.

While this all happened, NBA GMs unloaded the full clip on them, pulling off innumerable blockbuster trades and signings to horde stars and rattle GSW's grip on the Larry O. Not only do none of these new "superteams" appear worthy challengers yet, the only team posing a realistic threat to the Warriors began actively decomposing.

I was recently explaining all this offseason madness to a casual-fan friend who was big into Game of Thrones: "All these teams making splashy trades and overpaying free agents in a pseudo-power struggle are basically the houses of Westeros. The Warriors are the White Walkers." And not even George RR Martin could've scripted them such an offseason.

Offseason Power Rankings Part II: The Half-Steppers

The 2017 NBA Offseason was a chaotic mess of player movement, shifting power dynamics, nefarious rumors, social media beefs and more cap space incineration.

It left many teams and players in a hazy flux; neither clear winners nor losers. Banter's Offseason Power Rankings turns the spotlight on them with Part II: The Half-Steppers.

(Missed Part I? Check it out here.)

655. D'Angelo Russell
Russell got high-profile dumped by the Lakers to kick his summer off, with Magic throwing not-so-thinly veiled shade at him on the way out. Landing on the Nets is a mixed bag of results; with low expectations and great opportunity, but also a rag-tag roster and sudden onus for a breakout year.

638. LeBron James
Though his recent Twitter jabs at "President" Trump have been stand-up displays in needed times, this summer wasn't great overall for King James. Sure he's got plenty of new reinforcements to fill the Kyrie Irving void, but he still endured an ugly breakup with the best teammate he's ever had in Cleveland.

Furthermore, most signs point to LeBron bailing next summer, departing his hometown yet again. There's also been much talk of him moving West, dealing yet another blow to the East's talent pool, which is a decidedly a bad thing.

The only silver lining to a LeBron-Cleveland exodus would be that it isn't humanly possible to do it as poorly as his last one.

614. Memphis Grizzlies
Z-Bo and The Grindfather may be gone, but Memphis enters this season with a wide range of
possible outcomes.

The best of them (if by some miracle Tyreke Evans and Chandler Parsons are both healthy), makes them a likely playoff team. The worst of those short-term - dealing Marc Gasol and tanking - could set Memphis up nicely for next year's draft. Not awful either way, but a large dice roll this season.

587. Charlotte Hornets
Sort of a blah offseason. Malik Monk could be one of the draft's semi-steals at #11, but his union with Kemba Walker might be a tricky one. The Hornets also got Dwight Howard for a pair of socks, but now have to pay him, and run the not-so-small risk of him completely ruining their franchise.

The upside is that the Bulls, Pacers and Hawks are all awful now. Count Charlotte among the favorites to grab one of the empty playoff slots.

545. San Antonio Spurs
Losing Jonathon Simmons was a bit of a kick in the nuts, but snagging Rudy Gay is a plus move for the Spurs. He'll come in handy as a secondary scorer on those ever-more-frequent nights when LaMarcus Aldridge disappears.

A slight loss on the offseason overall, as the West's penthouse is now far more crowded beneath the Warriors, and Houston or OKC may well overtake them as the 2-seed if their superteams mesh.

513. Tony Allen

Gifted us with a hilariously insightful interview at the Basketball Hall of Fame, during which he called out Rudy Gay's role in the birth of the Grit N Grind Grizzlies. On the flipside, his (and Zach Randolph's) exit from Memphis marked #GNG's official passing, as Allen was left on the free agency scrapheap to sign with the floundering Pelicans.

499. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons are still rocking the tenth-highest team payroll, for a roster that might not crack the league's top-20. Their offseason mainly consisted of swapping Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for Avery Bradley, losing Marcus Morris as collateral.

They're still a mostly-gross squad, but should improve if for no other reason than Reggie Jackson can't possibly be as bad as he was last year. Like the Hornets, they're now among the most likely teams to ascend to the East playoffs.

477. Milwaukee Bucks
Though a highly uneventful offseason in Milwaukee, they get another year of growth and continuity for a simply frightening young core. First-round pick DJ Wilson adds to the Bucks' long, athletic and defense-minded stable of talent.

Despite the progress, there's been some ugly subplots to the Bucks' summer, like Jabari Parker's supreme-risk contract dilemma, and murmurs of Giannis Antetokounmpo's departure (already). They'll make strides in the East, but both stakes and expectations will be high. 

458. Washington Wizards
A highly break-even offseason for the Wizards. Slightest of demerit points for being forced into (probably) over-paying Otto Porter.

427. Zach Randolph
The Good: Ended his tenure with the Grizzlies to an ovation of appreciation and an instant number-retiring.

The Bad: Got arrested for weed for like the 40th time.

402. Miami Heat
Retained the key pieces from last season's miracle turnaround, but probably overpaid to do so. Import Kelly Olynyk - despite likely having tilted the outcome of the East semifinals - will have to grow into his contract.

They're now a sure-bet playoff team in the East, but currently have the league's fourth-highest payroll, still owing Chris Bosh $52 million over the next two seasons.

381. Toronto Raptors
Losing Patrick Patterson and PJ Tucker hurts their frontcourt, but the Raptors caught Kyle Lowry exactly where they wanted him, got good value on Serge Ibaka, and shed the DeMarre Carroll mistake. Coming into an offseason of mass uncertainty, that has to be viewed as a mild success for Toronto. 


355. Phoenix Suns
Another team who should benefit heavily from an offseason of youngster development. They also added a coveted draft prospect in Josh Jackson, presenting high value both as a player and trade asset.

While the Suns failed yet again to make a big offseason splash, they were prudent not to just light cap space on fire like so many others, leaving immense financial freedom going forward.

304. Derrick Rose
Say what you want about LeBron's expectations, or (maybe, if Isaiah Thomas' hips don't fall apart) losing his starting spot, Rose got the hell out of New York, a win in itself.

286. Orlando Magic
Another offseason of relative standstill for a team that's spent over a half-decade trying to kickstart their rebuild. Jonathon Isaac is an enticing prospect, but only complicates their current confusion about which position Aaron Gordon plays.

Ultimately this summer has to be seen as a win, for finally canning Rob Hennigan after he grossly mismanaged the team's assets and cap space throughout his tenure.

255. Paul George

Interesting spot for PG13. On one hand, he's gotten out of Indiana, and much like Jimmy Butler won't have to waste his prime with a lost franchise any longer. His new squad is much-watch basketball that will heavily shake the Western power balance.

Much unlike Butler, he's landed in a highly-combustible short-term situation. He'll likely have to bend the most within OKC's new supersystem, while also implicitly setting himself up as a scapegoat for the league's small market sympathy if he does in fact bolt for L.A.

232. Danilo Gallinari
At least he got the order of operations right: sign lucrative new deal, then break your hand punching a guy.

209. Portland Trail Blazers
Dumping Allen Crabbe's monstrosity of a contract was a mild blessing for Portland, who could now possibly duck the luxury tax this year.

They also nailed their biggest need - a defensive big man - by drafting Zach Collins, whom you might remember from snuffing everything that came near him during Gonzaga's NCAA Final run last March.

185. Russell Westbrook
Now supplemented with Carmelo Anthony and Paul George, Westbrook won't have to do everything for the Thunder anymore, and will be competing with the NBA's best teams again. That said, you know deep down that Russ had more fun doing everything - averaging and triple-double and winning MVP - than any other time in his life.

164. Sacramento Kings
Year 1 AB (Anno Boogie) is off to a not-awful start. They landed what could turn out to be the best draft haul of any team, while adding George Hill at good value, stymie De'Aaron Fox as he may. The Kings also raided Memphis' veteran fire sale for Vince Carter and Zach Randolph, adding two still-functional veterans who've seen just about everything in the NBA (except a championship parade).

136. Dwane Casey
Somehow managed to not get fired for the like fifteenth consecutive summer. Will probably be a hot-seat candidate for the like sixteenth consecutive season.

114. Kyrie Irving
Got his wish for a trade granted swiftly by the Cavs, who shipped them to their only potential East rival, immediately adding immense revenge appeal to their matchups. He's now The Man, and can flaunt his desired ability to lead a winning team.

Of course, with that potential comes the possibility it all falls flat and Kyrie doesn't lift the Celtics to the next level. Questions abound about his defense, playmaking and leadership ability; whether he's truly better off without LeBron is heavily debatable.

Much will be made of the price the Celtics paid for him, and the spotlight is now very much in his eyes.

Stay tuned for Part III: The Top 100, coming soon...

2017 Offseason Power Rankings - Part I: The Basement-Dwellers

So. That was an offseason.

After Kevin Durant kind of changed the game last year, this summer became an utter clusterfuck of star - and superstar - movement.

As the salary cap bonanza continued, teams threw astronomical amounts of money around, even with the cap coming up shorter than projected.

Rumors, beefs and demands completely flooded the internet. The soap opera and hype machine factors were higher than ever before.

A deep draft loaded with (what else) point guards gave the league a huge supplement at what was already its most talented position.

And while the Warriors still stand alone as the NBA's best, the power dynamic beneath them has shifted noticeably amid the dustup over the past few months.

So who came out on top of all this madness? Focusing purely on this summer's impact, Banter's attempting to rank how the NBA's various entities fared over the offseason, starting at the bottom with the Basement-Dwellers:

Last Place: The Eastern Conference
It was already long the crappier of the two conferences, but this summer for the East was like Season 3 for the Barksdale crew.

Two of the East's four best players were traded to the West for virtually nothing. A third All-Star left for absolutely nothing. As such, the Hawks, Pacers and Bulls are about to nosedive down the standings, leaving a huge void at the bottom of the playoff bracket.

Concurrently, there was little-to-no progress from East doormats like Orlando, Brooklyn and New York. With the possible exception of the Celtics, every East team top-to-bottom is now crappier than its West counterpart.

While we struggle to justify Eastern All-Stars this year, there will be incessant discussion of LeBron James' apparent intent to also skip town for the West, which would basically be the basketball equivalent of this conversation.

987. Dan Gilbert
Gilbert's Summer started by panic-firing the GM who put the Cavs' championship team together, as he was working a deal for Jimmy Butler no less. Then came the realization that nobody wanted to work for the Comic Sans Bandit when all his target candidates declined.

One of the key factors in their skepticism were rampant rumors - so many that it's hard to just call them rumors - of LeBron's imminent departure. As if that weren't enough, Kyrie Irving then forced his way out of town, capping a total shit-typhoon of a summer for Gilbert's franchise and reputation.

955. Chicago Bulls

Having your former coach commit grand larceny for your franchise player is never a great place to start.

Da Bulls gave up a top 10-15 player, netting a lot of question marks in return: Lauri Markkanen's recent triumphs at Eurobasket are encouraging, but he's still very much a project. Zach LaVine's entire value hinges on a torn ACL. Kris Dunn is somehow an even worse shooter than last season's Rondo/Carter-Williams point squad.

Hours after the Butler debacle, they literally sold Jordan Bell to the Warriors, which is beginning to look like an extremely stupid decision.

Elsewhere, the Bulls overpaid Cristiano Felicio, while the Cameron Payne deal continues to be awful, adding only more cringe to Chicago's offseason.

928. Doc Rivers 
A respected coach who repeatedly sabotaged himself by making dumb moves as GM, Doc's spotty history in the dual-role finally caught up with him this summer.

Chris Paul forced his way out of town amid trepidation of GM Doc's ineptitude, costing Coach Doc his best player. It proved costly for GM Doc too, as he no longer exists.

901. Indiana Pacers 
Much like the Bulls, were completely robbed of an elite swingman. Despite potentially an even worse return, Indiana was severely handicapped by PG wanting to leave them - and likely any team he was traded to - specifically for the Lakers. It can't be frowned upon quite as much as the Bulls' blunder.

874. Nerlens Noel
Pretty awkward summer for Noel, who had 4 years/$70 million on the table, shunned the contract, sat unclaimed for two months, fired his agent, and finally inked the paltry qualifying offer.

While he's free to roam unrestricted in 2018, an injury-heavy past haunts him as he plays for a long-term deal. He's unlikely to find much better next summer, and the potential downside if he gets hurt again is heavy.

858. The Trade Market for Superstars 
Superstars have become a very tricky asset in NBA trade markets. In such a star-driven league, there seems to be no more ground between "this guy's untouchable, we want a king's ransom" and "we're fucked, the league knows he's leaving and they're lowballing us".

The reverse-leverage created by a superstar's flight risk led to absolute robberies of Jimmy Butler and Paul George, while the Clippers only got a pu-pu platter deluxe for Chris Paul. The Cavs might actually win the Kyrie Irving trade, but only because they miraculously targeted the one good team with the right asset mix.

If you're a shitty franchise with a young superstar (looking your way New Orleans), maybe get the jump on the trade market before your situation's obviousness buries you.

834. Utah Jazz
The Jazz were already a grind-it-out defensive team who finished dead last in team scoring last year. Then their two best offensive players left them. Ricky Rubio's a decent pickup who should mesh well with Derrick Favors and Rudy Gobert, but for their biggest needs - scoring and shooting - he's pretty useless.

815. Patrick Patterson

When you're an established NBA veteran who's been a key role player for a winning franchise, and Cristiano Felicio is suddenly signing for twice as much as you, things need to be re-evaluated.

797. New York Knicks
They shed themselves of Phil Jackson, but the same institutional nightmares remain. They proceeded to sign Tim Hardaway Jr to the summer's most-trolled contract, then had to learn the Porzingis drama they thought they killed with Phil could be alive and well.

778. Atlanta Hawks
Whatever siege the city of Atlanta is waging upon pop culture, the Hawks aren't going to be a part of it. With Paul Millsap now in new threads, ATL's entire "Spurs East" roster has been shed, leaving in its wake the likes of Ersan Ilyasova, Miles Plumlee and Luke Babbitt. (Hooray!). They're in full-on rebuild mode with no foundation players or identity.

764. Cleveland Cavaliers
Not quite as insulting an offseason for Cleveland as its owner, but still mildly disastrous. Sure, they got a good return for Kyrie (assuming Isaiah Thomas' hip stays together). They still had to trade a bonafide superstar, worse yet to the only team in the East that threatens them.

Between the trade, its surrounding drama, the opportunity cost of firing David Griffin, the incessant LeBron exodus talk and Boston's power moves, just a bad scene all around for the Cavs.

741. Dallas Mavericks
Because it's the Mavericks, their plans to sign a free-agent center obviously went horribly awry with the lose-lose Nerlens Noel crisis. They also struck out on other key free agent targets, but pulled another season out of Dirk for the legacy bargain of $5 million.

Dennis Smith could be a killer pickup, however the Mavericks are still several steps behind the rest of the West's perennial basement - the Wolves, Suns, Lakers and, yes, somehow even, the Kings - who at least have multiple assets and/or a long-term plan. They're likely to be leapfrogged by several teams in the standings.

711. New Orleans Pelicans
Took without question the summer's biggest gamble giving Jrue Holiday $125 million, and are still painfully thin around Boogie & Brow. Holiday's potential is capped, and his injury risk is severe, leaving only potential downside to a bloody expensive five-year commitment.

The Pelicans also needed spacing around their superstar big men, proceeding to sign Rajon Rondo and Tony Allen; two the weaker shooters by reputation in the NBA. Don't be shocked if this roster flops and the Cousins trade winds start blowing again.

707. Kyle Lowry
Lowry got shafted by the free agency market again, this time due to the ubiquity of the point guard, suddenly a need for fewer teams than ever. Franchises that had cap space and a point void were slim, forcing Lowry to take a shorter deal as his prime fades.

698. Dwight Howard
Shipped out of yet another city after his negligible impact on their franchise (moreover his hometown team). The Hawks knew they overpaid Howard, cutting him loose after just one season to key their rebuild.

He does still stand to make $23.5 million this year, but it's hard to picture a guy who once punched a teammate in the face putting up with much of Howard's immaturity.

679. Los Angeles Clippers

The Clippers definitely can't be happy about their offseason, but given how bad things turned out for other teams that traded superstars, they can't be too upset either.

The Paul haul (plus Danilo Gallinari) leaves them a balanced rotation, with upside to spare from Montrezl Harrell, Sam Dekker and a first-round pick.

Their main concern will be playmaking, particularly for DeAndre Jordan, who will feel CP3's absence the most. They'll have to succeed with Blake Griffin running a lot of point forward; the Clippers currently deploy Pat Beverley, Austin Rivers and second-round pick Jawun Evans at the one.

661. Brooklyn Nets
The Nets got a little cred towards the end of last season when they started busting ass and playing actual edible basketball. But these were baby steps in a cosmic sense. This team is still two years away from being two years away.

While they wrangled D'Angelo Russell from the offseason waters, they hauled in the whale contracts of Timofey Mozgov and Allen Crabbe. Brooklyn also took on the last two years of DeMarre Carroll's gross deal, all together wasting them just around $100 million through 2018-19.

Stay tuned for Part Two: The Half-Steppers, coming soon.

The NBA's Second Season

The NBA offseason has recently become a hype factory of drama and intrigue, subtweets and WojBombs. An entertainment spectacle unlike few in pro sports, it's almost become a whole new season in itself.

But the 2017 offseason has taken things to new heights of upheaval and chaos. Superstars are being given away, quality players are jumping ship left, right and center, and the NBA's power balance has again been consolidated, while salaries skyrocket to yet new heights. You can almost picture Dr Evil announcing the contracts some of these guys are signing for.

So much stuff is happening, it can be hard to gather everything in the proper context. With that in mind, here's a recap of what we've seen so far, attempting to make sense of it all:

RIP Lob City
What It Means: There won't be enough ball to go around in Houston next year. 

So apparently Doc Rivers pissed off Chris Paul, which is totally logical given both that Rivers is a bad GM with a stubborn attachment to his former players/son, and also that just about everyone pisses off Chris Paul.

Of the three superstar trades this summer, the Paul haul has to be considered the best (more on that to come), netting the Clippers an assortment of established vets, decent prospects, and even a first-round pick.

Meanwhile Mike D'Antoni gets to find touches for two of the NBA's most ball-dominant players with Paul joining James Harden. If Carmelo somehow joins the mix, CP3 might be the best thing possible for his game - both in terms of on-court synergy and Banana Boat Points - but the alpha struggle will no doubt present itself.

Blake Griffin Chills
What It Means: There will be no rebuild for the Clippers.


There's a lot of this stressed importance on star players to win, as though competing for a championship should be their only motivation in life.

Some of us (them) are happier just lamping in a star-filled oasis of beautiful weather and people, where the living's easy, your team has a historical commitment to mediocrity, and the pay is very very good.

Losing Paul sucks, but there's a decent rotation around Griffin, who's definitely capable of handling more of a playmaking role. The Clippers will no doubt take a step back, but they could surprise those who expect them to fall from the West's middle tier.

Property on Waiters Island Now Much More Expensive
What It Means: Last year's free agency loser made the most of his contract year re-run.

Brooklyn Makes Otto Porter a Max Man
What It Means: The Nets are about to hardball a second team into completely cap-fucking themselves.

Chauncey Billups Turns Down Cavs' GM Offer
What It Means: Nobody wants to work for Dan Gilbert once LeBron leaves. 

Chicago Gets Robbed at Gunpoint for Jimmy Butler
What It Means: Tom Thibodeau literally put an automatic weapon to Gar Forman's head, gave him terms on a deal for his best player, forced him to accept, and walked away laughing. 

Joe Dumars. Elgin Baylor. Bryan Colangelo x 2. The Bulls' Gar Forman is just the latest in a line of recent Executive of the Year winners who've either been exposed as poor GMs that caught lightning in a bottle, or completely lost their minds years later.

The Butler trade needs to first be prefaced by the Cameron Payne deal, in which the Bulls gave up several valuable assets for an unproven PG who was sent to the D-League within five weeks. This time trading a guy who, by any measure whatsoever is one of the 12-15 best players in the NBA, they received a similarly hopeless return.

Giving up on Payne, they've acquired yet another unproven PG in Kris Dunn, one whose shooting - the Bulls' main need - was horrendous last year. They took on Zach LaVine, a guy with a torn ACL whose ceiling and value are tied very heavily to athletic ability. They also acquired a top-ten pick in a loaded draft, but were foolish enough to give back their own first-rounder in a trade that was already felonious theft.

Who knows what delusion careened through Forman's head when he made this deal. Either way, Danny Ainge was probably on a rough sleep schedule after seeing what Butler went for. Or at least until...

Robyn Hayward's Instagram was Right
What It Means:Gordon REALLY wanted to finish his Player's Tribune article. 

The Jazz - also down George Hill - look like they're headed back to the lottery. And even though he missed out on both Butler and Paul George, Ainge has added an All-Star each of the past two summers without giving up a single asset. Maybe the best-trading GM in the NBA does know what he's doing here...

Minnesota Looks LEGIT
What It Means: The leap they were supposed to make last year is definitely happening this year.  

Backtracking slightly to the Butler trade: If not for the Bulls' mind-numbing stupidity, I'd be happy about it, as a great player no longer has to waste away his prime on a sad-ass team.

Adding Butler to the Towns-Wiggins-Dieng core is massive in itself for Minny, who then bolstered their bench with Taj Gibson at good value, and snared Jeff Teague for startlingly little (almost makes you wonder...). Spacing could be an issue for them, but even if so, they have assets to spare in a trade for a shooter.

The West figures a bloodbath, but with continued development from Towns, the Butler heist taking both offensive and (more importantly) defensive onus off Wiggins, the addition by subtraction of their worst shooter (Ricky Rubio) and defender (LaVine), and now two quality vets to round out their rotation, the Wolves look like mortal locks for a mid-tier playoff spot, and perhaps more.

Nick Young Signs With the Warriors
What It Means: Apparently they didn't have enough swag already.

Amir Johnson & JJ Redick Sign One-Year Deals with Sixers
What It Means: #TheProcess still has to hit the salary floor somehow.

Dwight Howard Loses Again
What It Means: His legacy might be in stone at this point.

The Nuggets Are Still 'Team Purgatory'
What It Means: Denver really doesn't want a lottery pick. 

Ever since the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony - almost seven years ago - the franchise has been on a rudderless quest for mediocrity, unable to compete at the highest level, and unwilling to blow it up and build for the future like so many around them had done.

Acquiring Paul Millsap is yet another step in no real direction for the Nuggets; P-Milly doesn't move the needle enough for them to be anything more than a bottom-rung playoff team. Moreover, it restricts their financial flexibility as they build around Nikola Jokic, while lowering their odds at a good draft pick. All this for a player on the back end of his prime who doesn't fit Denver's developmental timeline at all. Makes you wonder what exactly the Nuggets' endgame is.

OKC Plays Cat Burglar
What It Means: They didn't replace Kevin Durant, but they came damn close (for a season).


A few weeks ago, Paul George made the Pacers acutely aware of his intentions to play elsewhere - as if they hadn't been clear for months - thus setting in motion a series of whirlwind events.

Within a 48-hour period, there were "credibly sourced" rumors tying PG to the Celtics, Cavaliers, Rockets, and obviously the Lakers, none of which seemed very far-fetched given narratives and Indiana's utter lack of leverage. But at the 11th hour: 45th minute, in swooped the Thunder - as out-of-nowhere as a Giannis chase-down block. They basically landed George for the assets gained from dealing Serge Ibaka; assets which have only diminished in value.

This is confusing for several reasons: not only was an elite player again dealt for a paltry offer - circumstances notwithstanding - but there's only a drunk puncher's chance that George will re-sign with OKC. This has the making of an expensive rental, likely full of false hope for a fanbase that just lost Kevin Durant and watched him win Finals MVP 11 months later.

If PG does decide to stick around for some completely untapped reason, then Sam Presti will have actually stolen a superstar from someone else, as difficult a concept as that may be to grasp.

Jrue The Damaja
What It Means: Dell Demps is a gambling man.

Whatever "my body is made of glass" discount Steph Curry took on his last contract certainly does not apply in New Orleans where Jrue Holiday - who for argument's sake has averaged 57 games over the past half-decade - just inked for $25mil/year over the next half-decade.

The 12 games Holiday spent with his wife as she battled a frightening brain tumor last year only slightly skews his spotty health record. This has to call into question the New Orleans training staff, given that he averaged 74.5 games through four seasons in Philly, and the Pelicans' entire roster seems to be perpetually injured.

The Point Guard Market Dries Up on Kyle Lowry
What It Means: Making the last three All-Star teams ain't what it used to be.

In contrast to Holiday's lavish deal, Lowry came off a career year and found a chilling lack of love.

Despite logical rumors pointing to Minnesota or San Antonio, Lowry humbly re-upped with the team he reportedly had "zero interest" in, while only getting three years of guaranteed money.

It comes as a disappointment for a player on the back nine of his career, who took a discount last contract due to late-bloomer and conditioning issues, and now despite becoming an elite PG, finds himself doing it again. This time Lowry is purely a victim of the point guard market; an inundation of talent that already diluted the position's market value was only heightened when half of the 2017 Draft's top ten picks were PGs. Simply put, fewer teams need one than ever.

Conversely the deal is pretty much exactly what the Raptors wanted, neither losing Lowry for nothing, nor paying him the max when he's 36 and most likely in decline. His contract is also infinitely more tradeable should Masai Ujiri decide to hit the Rebuild Button on this core group.

Diamond Stone Traded to Hawks
What It Means: 'Diamond Stone' is probably the new most awesome name in the NBA.

Zach Randolph Signs With Kings
What It Means: A big piece of Grint N Grind has died, along with a bit of my soul. 

The Raptors' Frontcourt Splinters
What It Means: That DeMarre Carroll signing really starting to rear its ugly head. 

Kevin Durant Takes One For the Team
What It Means: The rest of the NBA is fucked.

So Steph Curry supermaxed. Considering the Warriors just had him on one of the best-value contracts in NBA history for three years, he was due.

Durant thus bit the bullet, leaving almost $10mil on the table - a 28% pay cut - so the Warriors had the flexibility to retain Andre Iguodala and Shawn Livingston, two key cogs in their title runs. For all the shade he was thrown last summer after what seemed like a cop-out, there's no questioning his willingness to keep this team together and truly carve a place in history for them and himself.

The Phil Is Gone
What It Means: James Dolan has finally done something sane in his capacity as Knicks owner 

Although it was increasingly clear that Phil Jackson's descent into arrogant senility necessitated his firing as Knicks' president, there are few individuals alive who could be trusted to do the right thing less than Jimmy Dolan.

Although the Straight Shot's lead singer saw fit to make a sound basketball decision for likely the first time in two decades, there are rumblings about that his old habits may not have died hard quite yet. "Better Find A Church" indeed.

The Rich Get Richer
What It Means: Competitive parity has both improved and faltered.

There's two ways to look at this depending on your perspective: The first is that the seemingly massive chasm between the NBA's haves and have-nots has grown even wider, with middling teams like Utah, Atlanta, Chicago and Indiana all losing star players to stronger teams (for little-to-nothing) and being sent back to the drawing board. The Rockets also solidified their talent at the expense of their contemporaries, the Clippers. There's no question that elite talent has been consolidated in a huge way for such a short time period, and the rebuilds will be happening everywhere.


The flipside to this is that we might see a greater modicum of competition atop the conferences, especially in the East where the Celtics - armed with Hayward and whatever assets they reap from their logjam of swingmen - could give the Cavs a run for their money if things break right.

Dealing with Golden State in the West is no doubt more of a daunting task, but the Rockets are mounting an effort, the Wolves will quickly ascend, and perhaps even the Thunder can build around two superstars. For all the rhetoric spewed last year about franchises biding their time and waiting out the Warriors or Cavs, things seem to be trending the opposite way.

Whether this amounts to anything in the way of derailing Cavs-Warriors IV remains unclear, but even if the outlook is grim, you can't blame opposing GMs for a lack of effort thus far this offseason. This is probably the most "Shit or Get Off the Pot" season the NBA's ever had; the shakeup is far from over.

Time Capsule 2017

Back in 2014, I did a piece called the Time Capsule, condensing the NBA season into its most significant or generally awesome moments, and tossing artifacts that represent them in a hypothetical stash for posterity and/or space invaders.

It was one of my favorite compilations to write, touching on the great (KD's MVP season, Adam Silver's debut), the not-so-great (the Dunk Contest), the hilariously bad (Josh Smith's shot selection), and the ominous (Cleveland lucking out a 1.7% chance at the #1 pick, which they would soon flip for Kevin Love).

So after an inexplicable two-year hiatus, the Time Capsule makes its triumphant return for 2017; the things to truly remember from this NBA season:

- Box Scores from Russell Westbrook's 42 Triple-Doubles
The notion of a player actually averaging a triple-double for an entire season seemed too outlandish in today's NBA. Sure, Oscar Robertson was able to do it 55 years ago, but in a vastly different league. Not only were defenses archaic, but opposition painfully less athletic. The whole league also played like it was on meth: the average team possessions per game was 96.4 this season, vs. 126.2 in 1962.

No longer facing complaints about passing to Kevin Durant, Westbrook took it upon himself to generate new complaints about passing to anyone at all. Along the way, his incessant stat-hoarding buoyed one of the NBA's shallowest rosters to a playoff spot, and just might, if narratives are any indication (and they definitely are), win him the MVP.

Whether you applaud or abhor his style, Westbrook made history this year, his compelling chase adding season-long excitement and awe.

- Sam Hinkie's Resignation Letter
Although over a year old, Hinkie's legendary farewell opus to #TheProcess resonated deeply this season, albeit posthumously.

The Sixers made strides as an organization for the first time in four years, and have nabbed in Joel Embiid - if good health prevails - exactly the franchise player Hinkie pined for. Next year they'll add Ben Simmons and the third pick in a loaded draft to their core.

It was a painful couple of years for Philly fans, but in a league where so few teams have reason to be hopeful, Hinkie martyred himself for their current salvation. Enjoy Bryan Colangelo.

- Mike D'Antoni's Razor & James Harden's Beard Trimmer
Sans his legendary mustache, Mike D'Antoni joined forces with another form of famous facial hair to spawn the surprise of the NBA season. Many felt that Steve Nash could never be topped as a D'Antoni muse, but James Harden swiftly curbed popular opinion.

While The Beard's confusing disappearing act/quaalude trip in the season's deciding game looms ominously, Houston spent several months as the talk of the NBA, mostly because of these guys.

- Adrian Wojnarowski`s ESPN Contract

- Game-Worn Shoes From Devin Booker`s 70-Point Outing

- One-Way Plane Ticket, New York to Chicago, Dated Jan 9 2017
In one of recent memory's most mystifying incidents, Derrick Rose just up and bounced from the Knicks one day, and didn't bother to really tell anyone. This became problematic for New York when they showed up to that night's game both without a starting point guard, and an explanation as to why. Obviously this could only happen to the Knicks.

Rose returned the next day, but his bizarre bail job was one of the many usual sideshows marring what was already an appalling basketball season in NYC.

- Bust of Phil Jackson with his Foot Firmly Inserted in his Mouth
It was a tough year for Phil. Not only did he face the stern reality that his basketball team still sucks, but made more verbal mis-steps than anyone not named LaVar Ball.

Building a strong case as an increasingly senile jackass, Jackson dropped tomes ranging from counter-productive to outright inappropriate, with an arrogance not befitting of his current circumstance.

- Charles Oakley's Tickets to Feb 8 Clippers @ Knicks Game
But yet still, the lowest point of the Knicks' season came when a petty beef between their childish owner and a former player - one who is revered by New York City and the NBA community - led to Oakley being mobbed by security, dragged out of MSG, and arrested.

Legions of fans, and players both past and present came out in defense of Oak, while James Dolan's ownership tenure grew another ugly, if not predictable stain.

- Giannis Antetokounmpo Jersey with Last Name Removed 
Before half the league knew how to spell or pronounce this kid's last name, he strode to the level of a one-name star. It's now just "Giannis", get used to hearing it.

- Potato Parcels

- Cupcakes

- One of Craig Sager's Suits 
The most touching part of this season stemmed from a sideline mainstay losing his battle with leukemia. Sager's passing was undeniably tragic, but the outpouring of support from all over the league - throughout his courageous fight and after its end, including an awesome All-Star Weekend contest - was an uplifting tribute to a man of amazing spirit (and questionable fashion). #SagerStrong.

- Zach LaVine and Jabari Parker's ACLs

- Detailed Map of Waiters Island

- Funeral Attire
Back in January, shit popped off between John Wall and Jae Crowder, resulting in an on-court fracas, locker room lockdown, and $40k worth of fines, as well as (directly) the NBA's best new rivalry and (indirectly) the best series of the playoffs.

The Wizards donned all black for their next Celtics meeting, but while winning that game, were ultimately the ones buried in a seven-game bout that stood out for its dramatic swings and pure visceral hatred between these up-and-coming East foes. Word to Kelly Olynyk.

- Stopwatch Frozen at 1 minute, 30 seconds
Because that's how long Klay Thompson held the ball - in 29 minutes of floor time - while dropping 60 on the Pacers. And that's completely fucking incredible.

- Psychiatric Evaluation Report of Vivek Ranadive
It's hard to tell what was more insane: trading DeMarcus Cousins for Buddy Hield (and a pick, whatever), or then claiming Hield has "Steph Curry potential". Dude's got some interesting stuff going on upstairs.

- This Sweater:


- This T-Shirt:



- This Photographer Vest: 


- Isaiah Thomas' Lateral Incisor
A heroic All-NBA season by the 5'9" Thomas was upended when his sister was tragically killed in a car crash mere days before the start of the playoffs. A distasteful debate thus raged across the court of public opinion; every talking head with a soapbox opining as to whether he should play.

Thomas chose to not only play, but to do so loudly enough to silence all of them. After Otto Potter went all Wolf Stansson on him, IT hung 53 points on the Wizards - most in a playoff game in 14 years - on what would have been his sister's 23rd birthday.

- Velociraptor Fossil
Because the asteroid that murked out the dinosaurs struck Toronto in the form of LeBron James.

- An X-Ray of Blake Griffin's Foot

- Jimmy Buss' Baseball Cap

- Chandler Parsons' Contract
"Chancun" looks like a decent gig for a $22 million salary. Speaking of which;

- This Tweet:


- And This One:



- Larry Nance's Crowning of Brook Lopez (and Timofey Mozgov's Reaction)

Among many memorable dunks this season, perhaps none was more vicious than Larry Nance Jr. putting the hapless Brook Lopez underneath the Jordan logo. As if enough bad things hadn't happened to the Nets already.  

Almost as incredible was Timofey Mozgov, who ran away like he'd just witnessed the Independence Day aliens attack or something. It was Mozgov's single most important contribution to the NBA season; slightly steep at $15 million, but at least it was more than Parsons brought to the table.                                                                        

- Tim Duncan's Retired Jersey

- A Pair of Big Baller ZO2s

- The MVP Ballots
This season`s MVP race was an exercise in futility; an attempt to separate the exploits of four players who put up historic campaigns that made this award a total skeet-shoot. Their virtues have been extolled at length, and while Russell Westbrook appears to be the favorite after his late-season push, the trophy going to any of he, Harden, LeBron, or Kawhi Leonard would be an acceptable outcome.

- Gregg Popovich's Pachulia Rant 

- The Skates Steph Curry Lent Rudy Gobert 

- TempurPedic Matress
Resting stars was never more of a hot-button issue than during this year's slog through the 82-game regular season. What was once a Pop Special became adopted league-wide, as coaches sat stars out for a litany of reasons ranging from injury prevention to preservation for the playoffs.

Obviously this drew the ire of league and media alike, especially when "rest games" coincided with the televised contests the NBA was recently paid so much money for. Fans both in the stands and at home were selectively deprived of the game's biggest names, a particular affront to those who'd purchased tickets in advance, expecting LeBron and instead getting Richard Jefferson.

There may not be a clear solution at present, so we can count on this dilemma persisting until a compromise is struck between burnt-out players and fed-up fans.

- This Instagram Post:

- And This One:



- Captain Obvious' Uniform
Hotels.com's wise-cracking spokesman is a pretty accurate embodiment of this season's outcome; one that anybody who wasn't braindead or woefully naive saw coming the second Kevin Durant dropped his Player's Tribune announcement.

The inevitability of a Cavs-Warriors Finals was unfadeable, and Golden State confirmed what many suspected in easily dispatching of LeBron & Co. While Once-King James is sent back to the drawing board, and masses of other teams bide their time, the Warriors seem very much an insurmountable force for the near future.

- Kevin Durant's Finals MVP Trophy
But above all, this should be remembered as Durant's year. For better or worse, he drove the NBA's major plotline this season (as well as many minor ones), and ultimately stood its greatest victor. Adding a championship to his Hall of Fame resume punctuated a dominant Finals, and a season where he made himself the alpha male of arguably the greatest team ever.

While his critics can still harp about the means to his end, the deed has been done. Durant's a champion, and doesn't appear ready to stop with just one. In a league where superstars are measured largely on their ability to win, he's put himself in a historic limelight. If there's one image that will linger and endure from this season, bet on this being it:

Rubber Soul: Cavs-Warriors Part III

So we've finally arrived at a 2017 Finals matchup that was preordained the moment Kevin Durant joined the dark side.

After a quasi-inconsequential regular season, we were treated to the least suspenseful playoffs in recent memory, hurt not only by the obviousness of its destination, but everything from Toronto's indifference to Zaza Pachulia's defensive fundamentals.

We can lament what could've been over the past few months, but instead let's focus on the legendary potential of what's about to unfold in front of us.

To start, we're going to see a Finals rubber match for the first time in history. Never happened. Not even in the multiple epochs of Celtic-Laker rivalries (they've squared off in back-to-back years on four separate occasions). So that's pretty cool, if not slightly redundant.

The perpetual battle has spawned some not-so-awesome sentiment between these teams, which will make for peak intensity, and increased potential for hilarious animosity-fueled antics (especially when the likes of JR Smith and Javale McGee are involved).

This epic rivalry should also inspire great basketball porn from two simply remarkable teams. The symphony of offensive destruction - orchestrated by likely the NBA's three biggest superstars - should be a classic.

So let's get the obvious out of the way first: YES the Cavaliers do have a chance in this series, just not an incredibly good one.

Golden State completely decimated the West bracket, sporting not only a flawless record, but the highest point differential in playoff history; they certainly look unbeatable. That said, who could've realistically challenged them? The Blazers were a .500 team (#blowoutfodder). The Jazz were (obviously) below full-strength and couldn't have hoped to score with GSW. The Spurs became the first team ever to lose a playoff series while being up 23 in Game 1. The Warriors have been tested very poorly thus far.

The Cavs pose the first serious threat that Golden State has seen all season. After cruising through their schedule like an Easy Rider scene, they'll get their first taste of Fury Road, though it's unclear just how rough things will get for them.

We know that theoretically Golden State should be heavily favored. After all, they likely could've won the title last year if Draymond Green didn't bag-tag LeBron, but still added the NBA's 2nd-best player anyway. Instead of examine what the Warriors need to do to win (show up, play basketball, don't get injured or suspended), let's look at what factors might help the Cavs pull this off:



Defend the Land

The big question obviously is whether the Cavs' defense - which looked suspect for large chunks of this season - can withstand perhaps the best offensive team ever. At first glance it seems like a hard "no", but Cleveland has a few cards to play here.

First off is LeBron; a mirror-image of Draymond Green in his ability to matchup with virtually anyone defensively, and snuff a variety of attacks. They'll be getting Bron's 100% effort on D for likely the first time all year, which could have an immense impact.

Liable defenders Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love have both visibly raised their effectiveness vs. Golden State. Tristan Thompson is also a great insurance policy against the Death Lineup; a rim protector who can switch on pick & rolls, and close out on perimeter players among the best bigs in the league. Steph Curry will not be doing this to him.

Last June, Cleveland did a stellar job of closing the perceived defensive gap between these teams, holding the Dubs to 99.9ppg, while posting similar turnover%, true shooting% and d-rating. That will prove tougher this year, but to suggest the Cavs won't improve their D for this series could be dubious.

Pray for Klay to Stay Down
Also decent news for the Cavs' D is that Klay Thompson is mired in one of the worst offensive stretches of his career. Thompson averaged 22.3 ppg on .468 from the field this season. Last year's playoffs saw him post 24.3 on .444. This postseason, those numbers have plummeted to 14.4 on .383. You certainly can't be leaving him - he can erupt at a moment's notice - but against an attack where Curry and Durant have to be your focus, not having Klay On Fire punish slow rotations is a huge advantage. An off game or two from Thompson could be costly enough.

Test Iguodala
Containing LeBron James is a very relative term, and it's not a great sign for the Warriors that their main means of guarding him is dealing with a bum knee. Not only will a hobbled or absent Andre Iguodala stretch the Warriors that much thinner on D, but will force either Durant or Green to spend the bulk of their minutes on James, burning max effort and potentially risking foul trouble.

Iggy says his knee is "good" (really, what else would he say?) but he'll need to be at his best vs what has all the makings of an apex LeBron performance. Having LBJ attacking his lateral movement (more drives, fewer 3s) could expose weakness and force the Dubs to adjust.

Win the Grit N Grind Battle

One of the biggest keys to Cleveland's win last year was exerting both a physical and mental edge on the suddenly-shook Warriors. The Cavs were running Curry into pick-and-rolls on every possible possession; throwing him into hard screens and physical switches. They were waxing glass with an added nastiness, bodying perimeter movement, and - most valuably - getting inside the heads of their best opponents.

Granted Curry isn't hurt this year, but the same beat-em-up grind can take him off his game. Draymond Green is every bit the same liability if provoked. Zaza Pachulia's thuggish antics will be under the tightest of scrutiny. And the Warriors - even with their pristine playoff record - come into this series still wrestling with demons of the 3-1 collapse, and LeBron quite literally testing them by himself in 2015. Saying they're vulnerable mentally isn't really an overstatement.

Let Mike Brown Live
While coaching the Warriors is more or less cruise control, there's no doubt that they'll miss Steve Kerr, from whom Mike Brown is a reasonable downgrade on the bench. While the Warriors' D - Brown's specialty - will be their main edge in this series, he scores demerits in almost every other key attribute, from in-game adjustments to offensive creativity and motivational appeal. There's a reason why he flamed out in three consecutive head coaching gigs of sharply decreasing length.

A contested playoff series is an on-the-fly battle of wits between coaches, and thus far there's been no example of how Brown responds if this team is threatened. The Finals aren't exactly the time to be figuring those things out, perhaps the only downside of their total blitzkrieg in the West.

Beat the Warriors at Their Own Game
Any team that hopes to beat Golden State over seven games had better be packing heavy artillery, having to out-gun a team that's averaging a ridiculous 118ppg. Their numbers are vaulted slightly by their massacre of the Kawhi-less Spurs: 124.5ppg on .538 and .406 from three. Perhaps the greatest testament to Kawhi's defensive value, the league's #1 D was gruesomely flayed without him.

Meanwhile, the Cavs played the Celtics largely without their worst defender, facing a tough matchup and still dropping 120ppg on .534 and .436. For the Playoffs, they're averaging only 1.5ppg fewer than the Warriors, arguably against tougher overall defense (GSW got complete walks vs the D of 2/3 opponents thus far), while shooting an outrageous 43.5% from long range, hitting 2.5 more per game than the Warriors. They can put numbers on the board in a hurry.

It was long posited that Golden State couldn't be beaten in a shootout series. But the Cavs, having finally flipped "The Switch", look ready to challenge that notion.

Have a LeBron Moment

Much as the Warriors have an array potential gamebreaking stars, the Cavs have LeBron. He's the one human capable of dominating a basketball game in more ways than anyone in history. He's playing some of the best ball of his career right now. And the once-mocked possibility of being mentioned as the G.O.A.T is very much in play for him.

The crescendo towards this series suggests, both in narrative and basketball precedent, that we're about to witness LeBron's piece de résistance. Not only has he never faced greater motivation than to crush the Warriors in this fabled grudge match and enter the Jordan debate, but LeBron has a lengthy history of exceeding big expectations.

Excluding the 2011 Finals - which any rational person can accept as an outlier that will never repeat itself - King James has managed to rise beyond pretty much every occasion, and this shouldn't be any exception.

While there are a number of catalysts for Cleveland to pull off four wins, several of them will likely have to happen at once for the Cavs to prevail. Golden State has an on-paper edge on both sides of the ball, only one of which can really be overcome. Cleveland cracked Boston's rotation-heavy pressure, but the Warriors are longer, better built to stop LeBron, and will have Draymond at peak badass. This team also has another level to attain offensively if Klay Thompson wakes up, at which point the rain might be too much.

It's frustrating that the Warriors are likely going to be validated for concocting a team so unfairly. Golden State benefitted from extremely good fortune on numerous counts, the Durant signing seemingly so flukey and greasy that the league immediately introduced measures to prevent it from happening again. Still, the Warriors pulled it off, and will carve their own niche in the NBA's annals. They'll either be remembered among the greatest teams ever, or as the team LeBron beat to become perhaps the greatest player ever. The stakes could not be higher.

If this series ran 100 times, the Cavs project to win roughly 25-28 of them (based on an advanced algorithmic system that exists only as a front for me just guessing).

Over one series? WARRIORS IN SIX. 

Cleveland and Golden State - Too Good for Their Own Good?

So the NBA playoffs have kind of sucked this year.

Sure there have been some isolated examples of great basketball, but not only has the sense of a Cavs-Warriors inevitability tarnished the overall suspense of this spectacle, many of the individual series have been washes that were hardly ever in doubt.

Cleveland and Golden State's collision course has been about as smooth as possible. The Dubs haven't lost a game yet, while the Cavs hadn't either until Sunday night's outlying Celts comeback. Even that lone loss appears like a glitch, since Boston was without their best player, and down 16 at the half to a team that had spent the past six games beating them and Toronto more savagely than Michael's stepdad in The Wire.

Even the opportunities for intrigue have been sabotaged. As I write this, the Warriors are completing a sweep of the Spurs, one engineered largely in part by a probably-intentional attempt on Kawhi Leonard's weak ankle while the Spurs were up 23 in Game 1. The Bulls seemed to have an 8-1 upset en route vs Boston, then lost #PlayoffRondo along with the next four games. James Harden legitimately appeared to have dropped acid before the most important game of his best season. The only upset we've seen was entirely probable after Blake Griffin (obviously) went down vs the Jazz.

The playoffs have never been so uninvolving. I've voluntarily missed several conference finals games, which says something considering I take in mid-January Bucks-Bobcats games and spend more time with the TNT crew than I do with my family on Christmas. I'm sure a decent portion of the population feels the same - certainly a fair number of dedicated viewers I know - and have tuned out. This can't be a great look for the league, especially in the first year of the new TV deal that lined their checkbooks so excessively last summer.

Much has been made of this predestined dominance being harmful long-term; that competitive parity is damaged and indicative of a trend in the wrong direction. Despite the short-term monotony, I'm not feeling as gloomy about the outlook NBA fans should have, for a number of reasons:

The Finals Haven't Even Happened Yet
First, most of this can be forgiven if the Cavs and Warriors deliver a Finals anywhere even near as epic as 2016's down-to-the-last-second clash. Years from now, maybe we'll look back on the historical significance of this heated matchup trilogy. And if the Cavs somehow pull off a victory, as sacrilegious as it sounds, we're going to have to start realistically talking about LeBron James being the GOAT (sorry, not the only one saying it). We could still witness both history and amazing basketball.

The Warriors Are an Evolutionary Fluke
OK, so the Golden State Warriors are kind of ridiculous. Sure they play an aesthetically pleasant, statistic-obliterating form of basketball, but they seem almost unfairly stacked with talent. Because they are. Consider the catalysts that had to align for this team to materialize:

First, they signed Steph Curry to a long-term deal back when he was a fringe star with glass ankles. Not only has his health since improved considerably, but he's evolved into a two-time MVP. He was the NBA's 73rd-highest paid player this year. John Henson, DeMarre Carroll and Brandon Knight cost their teams more money. Think about that for a few minutes.

Then they had a second-round pick turn into an All-NBA player basically overnight, making Draymond Green one of history's biggest draft steals. Not exactly par for the course.

And obviously this past summer, league payrolls skyrocketed due to a cash influx from a new TV deal. Since the previous deal was struck, basketball's popularity has grown more globally than likely any sport in history over such a short span, creating a spike in revenue - and thus salaries - that had literally never been seen in pro sports. That wild outlier gave the Warriors enough cap space to sign Kevin Fucking Durant, comparatively giving up pennies.

An NBA team would be ridiculously lucky to have any one of those things happen to them; all three is basically a Powerball win.

The Cavs Kind of Are Too
There are a few factors at play here as well. One is obviously that the Cavs employ, in his prime, a guy who by most calculations is one of the two best basketball players ever.

The second are the measures a team is willing/able to make to maximize said player's prime. The Cavs can justify heavy luxury tax when LeBron can guarantee them an annual Finals appearance, while getting commitment from both high-value assets like Kevin Love, and discounted veterans seeking a ring.  LeBron is not only an otherworldly talent, but one who's perpetually lifted the play of those around him; his allure as a teammate is arguably unmatched since Bill Russell.

Also, mere weeks before LeReturn, the Cavs pulled one of the biggest Draft Lottery heists in history, not only binking a #1 pick they had a 1.7% chance at, but then flipping it for Kevin Love. How many times in NBA history has a team - already with an All-Star - added the league's best player plus a third All-Star in one month for absolutely nothing?

What Lies Beneath
It's not like the rest of the NBA is completely lost. While playoff stalwarts like the Clippers and Grizzlies are at an awkward crossroads, plenty of franchises have bright visions for the future after this historic rivalry plays out.

The recently-eliminated Wizards have a young star-studded backcourt and the NBA's best center openly talking about joining them. The Raptors have assets & youth to re-tool while staying competitive, something the Celtics are already doing patiently. The Bucks have a great young core and a future MVP. The Jazz will be an emerging threat if they keep Gordon Hayward. The Spurs will be OK because, well, they're the Spurs. Even a franchise like the Sixers could be excited if Joel Embiid wasn't such a massive injury risk, and Bryan Colangelo wasn't running their team.

There's plenty of competition and parity waiting in the wings, some intentionally delaying their rise to outlast the peaks of the seemingly-unbeatable Warriors and Cavs. When their icy grip on supremacy inevitably melts, the water underneath is far from settled.

Superteams Are Nothing New
And while two teams dominating the league this thoroughly is something we've yet to see, the concept of teams being this stacked with talent dates all the way back to the Lakers of the late 60s when Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor and Jerry West - three of the consensus 15 best players ever - shared a locker room. Since that time (and really before it too), most championship teams have been similarly loaded with Hall-of-Famers in or close to their primes:

-'70 & '73 Knicks: Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, Dave DeBusschere
-'70s Celtics: John Havlicek, Dave Cowens, Jo Jo White
- 80's Celtics: Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson
- Showtime Lakers: Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy
- Bad Boys Pistons: Isiah Thomas, Joe Dumars, Dennis Rodman
- 90s Bulls: Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman
- Popovich Spurs: Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili/Kawhi Leonard/David Robinson
- Ubuntu Celtics: Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen
- Banana Boat Heat: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh
- 2015 Warriors: Steph Curry, Draymond Green, (likely) Klay Thompson
- 2016 Cavs: LeBron James, (likely) Kyrie Irving & Kevin Love

Counting whoever wins in 2017, these teams will have combined for 30 of the 50 NBA titles since the Celtics reeled off eight straight. An additional nine ('06 Heat, '00-'02 Lakers, '91-'93 Bulls, '83 Sixers and '71 Bucks) saw two Top-50 all-time players join forces at or near the height of their powers. Simply put, basketball is a star-driven sport, and the vast majority of title winners have had to top-load their rosters accordingly. That the Warriors and Cavs have had to up the ante under highly anomalous circumstances shouldn't be cause for long-term concern.

LeBron won't be this good forever, nor will the Warriors - or any franchise - be able to pay for such a team much longer. The lack of suspense plaguing this year's playoffs hurts now no doubt, but should hardly be seen as a threat to the NBA's burgeoning global dominance.

Yes, in a two-month vacuum, Golden State and Cleveland have likely had a detrimental effect on the NBA's overall appeal. But with eyes on the big picture - once variance rights parity from this schism askew - this stretch of painfully predictable basketball will seem like a harmless blemish.

Playoff Hot Takes!

As we meander towards what looks like an increasingly inevitable Warriors-Cavs rubber match, the playoffs have been developing somewhat predictably:

- The Jazz pulled off the only first-round upset
- Russell Westbrook Westbrook'd himself out in the first round
- The Raptors are playing inconsistently
- Gregg Popovich is the adjustment master
- The Celtics and Wizards might kill each other before the series is decided
- Rob Hennigan got fired
- As expected, a team looks unbeatable in each conference

Despite its seemingly predestined result, there are still a few noteworthy things developing in these playoffs - a few random thoughts:

The Clippers Are Cursed

It just seems unfair at this point.

Years upon years of trash basketball; the franchise run in reprehensible manner by a notorious bigot. When they drafted a franchise guy in Blake Griffin, and were gifted Chris Paul (I use that term literally), there was finally reason to hope for this team. A few years later they ousted Donald Sterling and brought in a coach with a championship pedigree; the pieces were falling into place.

Little did the Clippers know, they were just setting themselves up for disappointment in larger moments. The franchise is still yet to make its first West Finals, pulling an incomprehensible meltdown the one time they seemed headed there. A combination of injuries and indifference have betrayed them annually, not to mention that GM Doc Rivers is nowhere near the same level as Coach Doc Rivers.

LAC heads into what is likely the most crucial offseason in the NBA. The writing seems to be on the wall in bold font that this roster core has run its course. Not only is their own fate in serious flux, but the potential repercussions - a departure of Paul, Griffin or JJ Redick - could alter the league's power balance, perhaps significantly.

So Is This Jazz Team
Not that they were beating the Warriors anyway, but was it too much for Utah to ask that they gauge their playoff ceiling at full strength? Obviously yes. After another injury-riddled regular season, they lost both Rudy Gobert and Gordon Hayward briefly in the first round, and now George Hill against Golden State.

If Hayward bolts this summer (something that very well could happen), we'll be forced to wonder if this team's accomplishments at anywhere near normal health would've been too much to walk away from.

Only Playoff Rondo Can Stop Playoff Rondo
Raise your hand if, at any point in the past three years, you thought that Rajon Rondo's absence could swing a playoff series.

It's no coincidence that the Bulls nosedove as soon as he broke his thumb, unable to soul-read Brad Stevens any longer. After a regular season that bordered on absurdity at times, Chicago is left with a very big playoff "What If", potentially joining a small handful of teams to pull off the 8 vs 1 upset.

Of course Rondo's injury perhaps has given way to other greatness:

Isaiah Thomas is a Superhero
There's really no other way to describe the guy. First off, he's 5-foot-fucking-9, a half-inch shorter than the average american male. Being that small and challenging the World's tallest athletes as unfettered as he does is heroic in its own right.

But more to the point, the guy transcended an unspeakable personal tragedy, got his mouth demolished, and then dropped a historic game that stands out among Boston's historic array of historic games.

While he mourned, a sad number of people inappropriately critiqued his decision to play; to stick by a team that would surely be burnt toast without him. His response has been pure 🔥🔥🔥.

Dwane Casey's Glue Factory Grade
I've been of the not-so-small school for Casey's replacement since the Wizards full-palm slapped Toronto in 2015's first round. Since then, he's oscillated between Coach of the Year contender and thin-ice scrutiny magnet, seemingly doing just enough to not get himself fired.

Yes, the Raptors made the Eastern Conference Finals last year, but they really didn't win two series insofar as Indiana and Miami respectively, lost them. Their odds of returning there seem close to nil after Cleveland drop-kicked them in two straight games; Casey bringing panicked rotations and a seemingly unprepared team.

Casey is what he is: a good regular season coach. Toronto has proven themselves a good regular season team. If they're going to topple LeBron anytime soon - difficult as that may currently seem - they'll need someone else putting the pieces in play. The Raptors just too often seem to be performing below the sum of their parts. They have a good roster with a variety of looks, but Casey isn't great with lineups, or consistently getting the best from his guys - two playoff must-haves.

Kyle Lowry and Demar DeRozan seemingly never play well in the same playoff game. Patrick Patterson is misused. In a league where teams like Golden State, Houston and *cough* Cleveland are succeeding by spacing the floor and moving the ball, the Raptors ran a clogged offensive set and ranked dead last in assists per game this year.

It took the entire internet telling Casey to play Norman Powell against Milkwaukee for him to do so. It marked not only the turning point of that series, but the first time Casey hadn't been outcoached by his opponent in the playoffs. He promptly returned Powell to the bench vs Cleveland, and the same process occurred.

It won't be enough this time, a fitting metaphor for his time on Toronto's bench.

The Switch Has Flipped
Despite Casey's flaws as a coach, it's slightly unfair when you're pitted against a team dropping 119 ppg, while shooting 50% from beyond the arc.

Even through their defensive meltdown over the past few months, it seemed mostly as a "when" not "if" matter that the Cavs would channel a higher level and begin completely bushwhacking their way through the East. After a disconcerting Indiana series that easily could've gone six games, they've made the Raptors look like the Toon Squad's first half vs. the Monstars.

Small sample size be damned, the Cavs look like they've snapped out of it.


RIP GNG
As a Grizzlies fan, watching the first round was painfully bittersweet. 

The Spurs had swept Memphis in both of their last two playoff meetings; this one seemed destined for a third when Grindfather Tony Allen went down. But after "Take That For Data" went viral, Memphis put up the gulliest of fights, taking two from the Spurs, including an overtime thriller in what was likely Kawhi Leonard's best game ever. 

At the same time, it was merely a spirited final effort from a dying beast. The rugged, physical, underdogging Grit N Grind era that defined the Grizzlies through their rise to NBA prominence (endearing them deeply to the blue-collar city of Memphis) is dying out. Fiz Markee throwing Zach Randolph back into the starting lineup for one last run was a fitting touch. 

The truth is Memphis is too old, too unathletic, too shallow, and can't shoot well enough. They have holes fill, but they're financially strained after lighting $94 million on fire in giving it to Chandler Parsons. They'd ideally have younger, cheaper players waiting in the wings, but it's unclear if any of their prospects beyond JaMychal Green and perhaps James Ennis are ready for bigger roles. 

Roster changes seem almost imminent, and whether the tweaks are minor or major, they seem likely to be a shift away from Grit N Grind as the Grizzlies try and survive a changing climate. So a toast to GNG, it was a fun ride.