Welcome to the Water Cooler

The NBA's an interesting place. Well beyond the game itself, pro basketball culture is inundated with intriguing characters, dilemmas, policies and sub-plots that spark discussion among Hoop Heads, but fly below the radar of the casual fan. Like a box of chocolates (or an acid trip), you never know what you're gonna get with pro basketball players (and the suits that govern them); there's always something banter-worthy happening. So here's the first edition of the Water Cooler; the spot where you can learn all you probably don't need to know about the NBA.

- Dominating headlines for most of last week was the apparent petitioning of the NBA by several contending franchises to bar Cleveland from re-signing Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Their longtime center, as you likely recall, was dealt for Antawn Jamison at the deadline so Washington could buy him out and save some of the money they're not making. This leaves Ilgauskas on the open market, where it widely believed Cleveland will scoop him up after the mandatory 30-day waiting period...I'm still confused about how the League's front office is supposed to intervene here. This isn't some communist regime, it's a very competitive high-stakes game in which teams are clearly going to take every edge they can. The Cavs found a team in a desperate situation and made a deal that, although one-sided in talent, worked for both parties, just like Celtics and Lakers (two of the teams crying foul) did in acquiring Kevin Garnett and Pau Gasol. That they might be able to retain Big Z's services only compounds the move's shrewdness, not by deceit or manipulation, but through a loophole that was equally available to every other franchise out there. So quit bitching about it.

- The League Office did decide to assert itself last week, not in any manner of relevance, but to crush the dreadedly nefarious...um...straw chewing... of new Mavs forward Caron Butler. Yeah. Plastic straws. Caron apparently chewed them on the bench, at a 12/game clip, since his rookie season, to calm his nerves. Given that he'd spent time in solitary as a juvenile offender, this seemed like a relatively passive form of stress management that invaded nobody's space and helped Caron keep his inner Artest at bay. Especially considering that Caron came into the League eight years ago and nobody's bothered to notice until now, this seems unnecessary. Why a League already hemorrhaging money and facing a lockout would want to be an annoying over-bearing parent to its stars is beyond me, but this is ridiculous.

- Once again, Allen Iverson's abbreviated tenure with a franchise will end with him gradually withdrawing himself from the team before bashfully parting ways in a seemingly inevitable resolution. With an ill daughter to care for and the Sixers going nowhere, it's hard to question his decision, but it's even harder to see him back in the NBA in any relevant role. I find myself writing the same thing every couple of months when AI fails to conform to a team concept, but the truth in it grows each time. I'll spare you guys the tirade again, but if this is truly the last we see of Iverson, what a sham it was.

- Speaking of writing the same thing, a friend of mine recently called out my high number of Lebron-related posts, claiming my fandom was creating repetition. While I'll be the first to admit that I built the Lebron Bandwagon and obnoxiously drive it through town honking the horn all the time, I write a lot about Lebron because he's not only the best but (pretty comfortably) the most newsworthy player in the NBA. An isolated example: This past week, Lebron won the Eastern Conference Player of the Month for the 849th time, but all anyone was talking about - on PTI, on internet forums, around actual water coolers - was his formal application to change his number from 23 to 6. Speculation abounded: James made it clear he wanted 23 to be honored as MJ's, but why 6? Was it to honor Dr J, or Bill Russell? Was it to align with his Team USA number? Is it a subliminal goal for MVPs and Championships?...Am I the only person who doesn't give two shits? Let him throw the Prince symbol on his jersey if he wants. When Kobe switched his digits a few years back, some questions were asked but there was nowhere near the media uproar there's been this week, all over something so trivial. If Lebron's involved these days though, a bar mitzvah would be headline news. Anyways, we should remember the man by his game, not his number.

- And finally, a certain sub-par BET reality series has a new co-star. Had no idea this was going on . Congrats, Boobie.

POWER RANKINGS!!!

Once again, Lebron and Kobe square off in a heated matchup for the top spot on this month's Power Rankings. Who comes out on top? Read on and be enlightened...

30 (30) New Jersey Nets - Their upset of the Dead Celtics Walking aside, this desolate bunch are still on pace to finish as the worst NBA team ever...Ive spent the last five minutes trying to come up with a punchline that wouldn't seem completely redundant at this point. Couldn't do it.

29 (29) Minnesota Timberwolves - Although not historically bad, the L-Wolves were supposed to be showing growth this year and making strides towards respectability. Now their best player's suspended for a DUI and they're 1-9 over the last ten. Expectations remain insulted.


28 (22) New York Knicks - It took Tracy McGrady only one game to shake off the cobwebs and deliver an impressive performance for the Knicks...and only two days to suffer his first injury. Regardless of McGrady's long-term situation, the deal will potentially be of great benefit to New York...in July. Until then? David Lee might start going gray by mid-March.


27 (24) Indiana Pacers - Irrelevance continued to dominate the Pacers in straight sets as they failed to make a deadline deal and have bottomed-out as the second-worst team in the East. Condolances go out to Troy Murphy, who was rumored to be on the Cavs wish list, and instead will soon become the longest-tenured NBA player to never make the playoffs when Jamal Crawford's streak ends.


26 (27) Golden State Warriors - Steph Curry's late push for ROY consideration has silenced anyone who still doubted his game would translate to the NBA; he's been nicer than a Care Bear while the Warriors won a relatively impressive 30% of their games in February. Meanwhile, Andris Biedrins continues to awkwardly challenge for the all-time free-throw futility crown, currently firing a 14% clip for the season...stay tuned folks, this is thrilling stuff.


25 (28) Detroit Pistons - They rise, not because they're playing well, but because they've been slightly less putrid than in January. They're still the team doing the least with the most, and given their rather stiff financial commitments, might be the most fucked franchise in the Association going forward. Good thing there's a team option on Jonas Jerebko; and that's literally all the Pistons can be glad about right now.


24 (25) Washington Wizards - Finally detonating an overpaid, underperforming core; the Wiz are in full rebuilding mode and now have the roster you'd expect to produce their perpetually embarassing record. Andray Blatche has blown up in a starting role and their deadline moves gave them a whole boatload of cap space that they can couple with a high lottery pick to (hopefully) finally take steps in the right direction.


23 (23) Philadelphia 76ers - With Iverson out of the picture (does this surprise anyone?), Lou Williams is back on center stage with his entertaining but confusing combo-guard charade. The rest of the roster continues to confound as well, delivering consistently inconsistent performances while the ghost of Elton Brands Past continues to haunt their salary cap situation.


22 (26) Sacramento Kings - Peacing Kevin Martin remains a debatable move (moreso because of its timing than its merits), but a cost-saving, Tyreke-liberating one that places undisputed Alpha Dog status on the soon-to-be-ROY's shoulders. This isn't cause for concern as Evans appears to be a rare talent around which they can comfortably build a potential winner.


21 (20) Los Angeles Clippers - Dumping Camby's salary made sense to a team that housed the conference's best offensive and defensive centers, but still wasn't making the playoffs. It's all about next year for a team that will add a lottery pick, Flake Griffin, and has the cap space to court a big name in their seemingly eternal quest for mediocrity.


20 (17) Miami Heat - Things keep getting worse in Miami as Dwyane's health continues to falter and the likelihood of a once-sure playoff berth slips further away. Who knows what's going through Wade's head right now, but Miami's going to need plenty of reasons for him to stay this summer, having given him, ah let's see...none in the past three years.


19 (18) Houston Rockets - Obviously transitioning a new player into a lineup is difficult for any coach, but particularly so when your team plays defense first and shoots second, and the newcomer shoots first and plays defense never. Once Martin finds his footing, Houston should be better for it, but there's a very tight schedule for them to get things in line before the playoff door slams shut.


18 (15) Charlotte Bobcats - Hopefully the G.O.A.T's ownership aura will be enough to inspire the recently stumbling Bobcats to wake up. Tyrus Thomas looked to be a promising addition, but the L's have been piling up and Charlotte remains tangled in a three-way clusterfuck for the 7/8 seeds in the East. I'm sure they'll pull their act together, but another lottery trip after a season-long playoff tease would be devastating.


17 (13) Memphis Grizzlies - After a brief surge into the playoff picture, the Grizz have lurked back to the lottery for some spring hibernation. They have plenty of soft matchups in the coming weeks to rebound from their lackluster month of February, but crashing the playoff party will be harder than ever with the Blazers at (sorta) full strength and just about every West team hitting their stride.


16 (19) New Orleans Hornets - Chris Who? Clearly CP3's presence is missed but Marcus Thornton and Darren Collison are performing well enough to keep NO breathing while their point god recovers. Now the question becomes: Is it worth it for Paul to rush back when this team's clearly going to be - at best - swept by the Lakers?


15 (21) Milwaukee Bucks - Defying all odds and expectations, the Bucks have pulled into the 7 seed in the East and are 7-3 in their last ten. The addition of John Salmons adds much-needed firepower to their backcourt, forcing Brandon Jennings to shoot less (never a bad thing) and keeping the strain off their offensively-challenged front line (also not bad). They have to contend for surprise of the year, regardless if they make the playoffs or not.

14 (12) Toronto Raptors - A Chris Bosh injury set them back a few steps last week, but the return of Reggie Evans can only mean further improvement of a revamped D that's propelled the Raptors to one of the East's best records since Christmas. Demar Derozan continues to gradually fill his massive upside, solidifying a core that will have to suffice for Bosh after he was retained past last month's deadline.

13 (10) Boston Celtics - If you lose to the Nets, regardless of injury, you're in trouble. The C's are confused, wounded and looking progessively weaker as the season wears on. Rasheed Wallace's career appears to be just about roached, and their aging stars aren't staying healthy long enough for them to develop any kind of momentum. They're a couple steps behind Cleveland, Orlando, and even Atlanta right now, and are headed in the wrong direction.


12 (16) Chicago Bulls - The improbable turnaround from their early season misery was highlighted by deadline trades that rid them of a painful (albeit talented) thorn in their side, gave them productive pieces for the rest of the season, and cleared enough cap room to make a run at a max player this summer. The Bulls have continued winning and set themselves up well for the long run, which impresses a slight bit more than blowing a 35-point lead to the Kings.



11 (10) Portland Traiblazers - Apparently treading water isn't enough in the West, as Portland staved off a potential end to Brandon Roy's season, added an excellent rent-a-center, and fell two spots. They still might be hard-pressed to do anything in April (especially from the 8-seed), but at least this expiring contract's of use to them for the time being.


10 (8) San Antonio Spurs - We're used to seeing the Spurs begin streaking around this time of year, but instead they're still struggling to find their usual legs. Manu and Pretty Tony have only been sporadically at 100%, while Richard Jefferson hasn't delivered the consistent offense they were counting on. Timmy D's been their only steady performer, and as well as he's playing, it's not measuring up when the opposition looks this sharp.


9 (11) Phoenix Suns - The much-anticipated Amar'e deal failed to go down...again...for a third straight year...completing to most anti-climactic trade drama of the past decade. After extension talks led nowhere, it has to be assumed that Stoudemire won't be in a Suns uniform next year, and is more safely assumed that his season will end when April does. For the time being though, the Suns' 9-3 February left little room for criticism.


8 (14) Oklahoma City Thunder - Anyone still sleeping on Kevin Durant as a legit MVP candidate (if such a thing exists outside of Ohio this season) is kindly asked to wake the fuck up. Durant's recent streak of 25+ has helped vault the Thunder to 12 games over .500 and the thick of the West playoff race, as their young core just begins to tap into their immense potential. Years ahead of their time and already competing; alcoholism among basketball fans in Seattle must be on the rise.

7 (5) Atlanta Hawks - The Hawks had a pretty ho-hum February, winning most of the games they should've, losing most of the games they should've, and (not surprisingly) doing little at the trade deadline. As it stands, they might be the team with the best chance of keeping their marquee free agent this summer, so I'm sure the status quo suits them just fine.

6 (7) Utah Jazz - As they charge up the West standings, the Jazz are becoming a trendy sleeper pick in the West. Not to hate on a team with a deep, talented, playoff-tested core, but as I recently noted, there's a lot of uncertainty plaguing this team right now. To upend a higher seed, they'll have to play their best basketball - without their sacred homecourt - while shaking off the distractions, which might be too much to ask of a team that took two months to carve its niche in the playoff picture.

5 (3) Denver Nuggets - With no real holes in their roster, it's hard to fault the Nuggets for remaining inactive while the trade deadline passed. Concern has to be mounting Mile-High though; with Dallas and Utah's sudden emergence, Denver's no longer the clear-cut No.2 out West, meaning they might be fortunate just to see the Lakers in a rematch.

4 (4) Orlando Magic - Their recent Cleveland victory was a definite statement game, but not enough for them to call themselves the undisputed favorites in the East. Now that their backcourt's nearing full strength again (and Vince is breaking his single-digit scoring hex), they can start to build the momentum they'll need to deliver another Finals run: Not saying it's beyond them, but the team we've seen so far this year isn't the one we saw last May.

3 (6) Dallas Mavericks - I'm shedding a tear writing this, but this roster might be Dirk's best chance to win a title yet. Their deadline deal plugged two major holes (lack of defensive toughness/mid range-low post scoring) for twenty cents on the dollar, and the Mavs, largely without Caron Butler, have reeled off seven straight wins, including one over the Lakers.

2 (1) Cleveland Cavaliers - Bonus points for swiping Antawn Jamison from the Wizards' liquidation sale, but responding with three straight losses wasn't exactly the plan. The Cavs' concerns only grow now that Shaq's thumb will sideline him for 6-8 weeks, but provided he's back for their seemingly inevitable showdown with Orlando, things should be just peachy.

1 (2) Los Angeles Lakers - Back on top by default after the supporting cast held down the fort without Kobe and their bench began to show the kind of swagger that champions are made of. With Bryant back, Odom flourishing and their roster free of question marks or injuries (something that's exclusive to the Zen Garden right now), it's once again LA's crown to lose.

"...Aaand here they come down the stretch.."

Now that the regular season marathon's drawing to a close, we can begin seriously licking our chops, knowing that the season's best basketball will soon be upon us. Every game will count as teams furiously jockey for playoff seeding (and, in more mundane cases, lottery balls), leading into an epic battle for basketball's most revered honor. March Madness needn't be mentioned (but shouldn't be forgotten) to deem the coming months as any hoops head's favorites...But let's not get ahead of ourselves here, before the title bout, there's still a couple fights left on the undercard as the quest for the postseason winds down. Here's the tale of the tape:

The Dreamers: These teams will be duking it out for the final playoff spots. The season will end in disappointment for most of them, but, with the exception of one, they should be happy just to be here.

Milwaukee Bucks - Just the fact that they're still in this conversation after losing Micheal Redd and having the League's most gloriously inefficient point guard this year is astounding. Kudos to Scott Skiles for having this muddle of youngsters play above the sum of their parts recently; mixing in John Salmons might serve up playoff appearance.

Memphis Grizzlies - Facing a tough recent schedule - as any team in the West is bound to at some point - the Grizz have slipped back towards .500, showing that although they're much better than we would've given them credit for, they might not be playoff-ready in the deep West. Their remaining schedule's relatively soft, but lottery or not, they recovered from the Iverson debacle quickly and are still on the good end of massive upside.

Houston Rockets - Losing Carl Landry hurt but picking up Kevin Martin and a couple good big men really gave this team exactly what they needed at a fair price. A go-to scorer's a much needed shot in thw arm for what's been a languid Rockets offense, and Martin's surrounded by enough potent help for his defensive deficiencies to be minimalzied. As promising as a playoff run would be, this team's really just waiting on next season, praying that a year of rest will finally get Yao Ming on a healthy track.

Miami Heat - Having once held then safest grip on their playoff seed in the L, Miami's tumbled all the way to the brink of the lottery and is no lock to make the postseason. As the losses pile up, so (inevitably) does Dwyane's frustration as he Wades in the shallow talent around him. He's capable of lifting this team to a first-round exit, but I can't help but think apathy must be setting in.

New Orleans Hornets - They've played surprsingly well without Chris Paul thanks to the recent explosion of rookies Darren Collison and Marcus Thornton. It remains to be seen if this talented but inexperienced backcourt can continue this blistering pace all season, but if they can keep the Hornets in the fight long enough for CP3 to get healthy, it might be all they need.

Charlotte Bobcats - Some recent struggles against just about everyone (...except the Cavs...) have cast Charlotte back onto the East lottery scene. I still see them as the most likely of the bottom 3 (Miami and Milwaukee being the others) to squeeze into the playoffs, their recent trade having bolstered a Kate Moss-thin frontcourt. This current lineup's not far from its ceiling, but after years of sucking, mere respectability is welcome in Charlotte.

The Long-Shots: Their postseason ambitions fairly realistic, these squads are battling for a better draw in the faint hope of a first-round upset

Portland Trailblazers - Picking up Marcus Camby was huge for a team that wasn't dressing a 7-footer and starting 52 year-old Juwan Howard at center. Somehow, they weathered several violent attacks from the injury bug and stayed in the playoff chase this long. It's hard to imagine them losing their grip unless Brandon Roy decides to shut down his ailing hamstring, even harder to picture them upsetting the Lakers. That being said, if any team can be satisfied with just a playoff berth, given everything they've been through, it's these guys.

Chicago Bulls - Since their near-implosion in December, the Bulls have been playing some pretty f***ing good basketball, recently having beaten five .500+ teams in a row...on the road...in the West. Their remaining schedule won't be easy, but it's heavy on the United Center - where they're won two thirds of their games this year - and regardless of this season's outcome, they've given their fans reason to be optimistic about next year with more cap space to bait the many marquee free agents this summer.

San Antonio Spurs - Sorry, have to do it. Finally. I know it seems weird seeing San Antonio this far removed from the contender conversation this far into the season, but they've played tired, inconsistent basketball and shown nobody any reason to expect something beyond a first round dismissal. MAYBE they can pull out an upset if their entire roster's at 100%, but that'll be asking a lot. Tim Duncan's been uncannily efficient this year, but even in the postseason, where he'll playing far more than 31 minutes/game, he'll need much more help than he's had this year. The Alamo's been taken. Good riddance.

Oklahoma City Thunder - Not to slight the impressively precocious play of a team nobody asked to be ten games over .500, but the playoff-virgin core of the Zombie Sonics will have a hard time beating a team like Utah or Dallas in seven games. Durant's been unreal, Westbrook's been steadier, Harden's been steadily improving...Hard as it may be just remember they're the youngest team in the League; this is just the beginning.

Toronto Raptors - Playing to their potential for once, the Raps have responded to the preseason hype, ironically thanks in no part to a certain Turk who's been playing like he's living out his Pizza Pizza commercial on the reg. The return of Reggie Evans will be welcomed by a team that's finally embracing the foreign concepts of hustling and defensive toughness, while their two-headed point guard attack has proven potent in recent weeks. If eveything's firing for them, they're the kind of team that could scare a wounded Celtics squad that perenially lets its guard down in early rounds.

Phoenix Suns - Yeah, I dunno why they kept Amar'e either. They're several players they can't afford away from contending and will likely lose him after they're swiftly dismissed from the first round...oh well...here's hoping whatever team lands him will pull of a miracle trade for Chris Paul.

The Dark Horses: These are the underdogs; the teams that will be expected to make noise come playoff time, but will have to knock off a favorite to get a title shot.

Boston Celtics - You don't think so the way they've been playing lately? They're one of A's best teams when healthy, but they haven't been all year. If Garnett and Pierce are still hampered in April, they're screwed; even with a healthy Pierce last year, it took the best basketball of Rajon Rondo's life to get them out of the first round. I'm fully prepared for a complete Big 4 to prove me wrong, but I won't count on Glen Davis, Tony Allen and Fatigued Wallace to do it.

Atlanta Hawks - They've dominated the Celtics this year, but lackluster performances against the Cavs and Magic leave serious doubts about their ability to match up with the East's beasts. Atl definitely took a step forward this year, but it'll take another one to reach the NBA's upper echelon.

Utah Jazz - They've been the West's best team since Christmas, but this team just seems...off. Too much uncertainty enshrouds them: D-Will's questioning front office intentions, Boozer claims he wants to stay but can't be taken at his word, Millsap's being jerked like Jack Link's beef waiting for the minutes he deserves, and Andrei Kirlenko/Mehmet Okur's consistency problems will hurt them when they're playing top-tier teams every game. If they can shake it all off and give the better Lakers some heat, I'll be thoroughly impressed.

The Contenders: For these squads, anything short of a title will be a disappointment. It's not about waiting on free agents, nurturing young talent and 'building a winner'; they've built winners, now it's time to do what they do.

Orlando Magic - The Magic showed very scary glimpses of their May 2009 selves this past weekend against the Cavs. Dwight owned the paint with a nice array of moves early, and when the Cavs keyed their D on him, a floodgate of 3's rained on them from all angles, while a lane-clogging defense reduced Lebron to a streaky jumpshooter, removed from his rhythm. They're another team who's been unhealthy, with injuries plaguing their starting backcourt, but have shown a much better ability to play hurt than the older, thinner Celtics. They're as dangerous as any contender out there.

Denver Nuggets - Why not? Even with Melo and Chauncey hobbled, they've held down the second-best record in the better conference, while Kenyon Martin's enjoyed a renaissance and Ty Lawson's emerged as one of the better steals in a deep draft class. They're an improved defensive team and boast a scary offensive arsenal that few teams are equipped to outgun. At full stregnth, they're at-worst a top-three team in the West.

Cleveland Cavliers - After peeling off the season's longest winning streak with their second-best player in streets, Cleveland acquired a borderline All-Star for at worst, their backup center and at best, absolutely nothing. Jamison's incorporation into the lineup wasn't as "seamless" as Danny Ferry had predicted, but doesn't change the fact that the Cavs, who were already arguably the favorites in the East, improved a lot. They match up better against the Magic than last year, and should have no trouble with any of the East's lesser teams. Of course, the stakes are also higher in Cleveland than anywhere else, so deliverance upon their postseason expectations is vital.

Dallas Mavericks - They might end up coming out the winners of the trade deadline deals; they got EXACTLY what they needed in Haywood and Butler; tough defense, low-block competency, and a more versatile offensive attack. They looked to be firing on all cylinders in the 2nd half against LA, toppling the champs without Caron in a serious statement game. What was already a playoff dark horse now could be a bonafide threat to the throne.

...Which leaves us with the reigning champs, who still have to be called The Favorites; even with Kobe taking his longest injury leave in years, the Lakers maintained their steady cushion on the West's top spot. Aside from the Cavs, they've repeatedly beaten tough opponents and rarely shown the type of champion's complacency that could plague a team this talented. Although there's been recent dissent about Mr. Bryant's itchy trigger finger, but it'll tkae much more than that to disturb the Zen Garden long enough to knock the Lakers off their title course. Believe they'll be playing their best ball in May and, most likely, June; it'll be tough for anyone else to match.

Return of the King

Some of you might have heard about this already, but the best thing the human race could have asked for is upon us. No, Tim Donaghy won't be facing Rasheed Wallace in a cage match during next year's All-Star Saturday, but the greatest basketball video game of all-time is about to burst back onto the scene:

NBA Jam is slated for a multi-system re-release this fall, and as if that weren't enough good news, EA Sports is relying on we, the humble masses, to choose which three players each team will run with. The voting's already well underway, but you can nominate your squad here and wait impatiently 'til September to see it all come together. Three new teams will be posted every week, so stay up.

In another impressive return, Kobe Bryant made his way back into the Lakers' lineup last night and..well...let's just say this outcome's becoming rather predictable .

Have fun deciding whether you'd rather have Jose or JJ tossing 20 foot-high flaming alley oops to Chris Bosh off some guy's head. I'll be back Friday to check out the playoff picture as it starts to come into focus.

"He Who Hesitates is Lost"

This year's trade deadline was more exciting than most, with several big names on the move after months of rampant speculation and incessant rumors. That being said, for every move that was made, we saw teams fail to pull the trigger on anticipated deals that could have serious implications over the coming months and seasons. Let's take a look at who didn't make a deadline move, why not, and how seriously it could fuck them over:

- The most surprising move, or lack thereof, was Phoenix deciding not to ship Amar'e Stoudemire to any of the many interested teams. The problem here was that Stoudemire had been held onto for too long; the Suns have been talking about trading him for years and could never make their mind up whether or not to hit the switch on rebuilding mode. This hurt Amar'e's trade value, as every team knew Phoenix was willing to part with him (and needed to, lest they risk losing him for nothing in July), making it impossible to get equal value in return. If the rumored Hickson/Ilgauskas package was truly the best offer they received for an elite big man, then this card was played terribly. Consequently, you can probably pencil the Suns in for a low playoff seed and the worst month of June possible as they clamor to work a sign-and-trade (which is sure to be even more of a lowballing than their refused deadline deals) before Stoudemire bolts like Usain to a better situation.

- Also, the Utah Jazz held onto their prized-but-long-time-trade-bait big man after several offers for Carlos Boozer fell through. Despite informing 'Los and the rest of the NBA that he wasn't part of their long-term plans months ago, Utah is contending for a division crown and trading a borderline All-Star for pennies on the dollar would've been a hasty move. Instead, they shipped their starting shooting guard for absolutely nothing, pissing off their franchise player

and confusing the hell out of everyone else. Maybe they thought Wesley Matthews could fill the void (...not saying he can't), but blatantly dumping one of your core guys to save a few dollars when your team's among the best in the conference doesn't send the right message to players or fans. Now, much like Phoenix, Utah can only pray that Boozer allows them to work a sign-and-trade, which given his history in such situations, is a sketchy proposition.

- Third in our series of Teams That Might Regret Holding Onto Their All-Star Big Man are the Toronto Raptors. A few months ago, mired in their usual nonchalance and defensive ineptitude, the Craptors were almost certainly going to have to deal Chris Bosh. Since 2010 dawned, they've played enough inspired basketball to make Bryan Colangelo think he's got a chance of holding onto his soon-to-be free agent. It's a tough read. Bosh has repeatedly stated that he 'loves' Toronto as a city and as a team, but he's also expressed a desire to play for a contender; something the Raptors are far from being. If he does re-sign, he'll be committing to a team that has $50 in dead money committed to The Remains of Hedo Turkoglu, has a poor track record of appeasing its star players, and an worse one when it comes to steadily building a winning franchise. He might claim he loves being the man on a mediocre team, but even though Bosh is a stand-up guy and least likely of these three players to bail unceremoniously, he'll have to weigh options and priorities very carefully this summer. 'Loving' a team is a different story from making the most important decision of your life in the faith that they'll show you that love in return.

- On the flipside, you have the teams that should've been looking to acquire a piece or two, and for whatever reason didn't get it done. Take the Miami Heat; a team that four years ago made some short-sighted moves that got them a title but now has left them in a serious hole. Since then, they've tumbled from the NBA's penthouse to the East's basement, and though they've attempted to climb out, look like they can't find the door. Dwyane Wade once affirmed his desire to be in Miami hiw whole career, but since making that statement has seen his team fall apart around him, forcing him to exert himself more than he should ever have to keep them in the playoff hunt while his GM publicly puts him on blast. It's obvious he's not happy here and will have teams lining up to deliver a franchise to his feet in mere months. The lack of activity by the Heat is alarming; deadline rumors had them aggressively pursuing Stoudemire and Boozer, but they shot themselves in foot by not really having any promising trade bait. The chance of luring a big-name free agent still might save them when Jermaine O'Neal's whale expires in June, but with so many teams waiting to gamble this summer, getting a jump on the market would've been key to cinvincing Wade to stay.

- The Golden State Clusterfucks also stood pat after dangling everyone on their roster short of Stephen Curry all season. I wish I knew why. Not only do they hold several intriguing, young trade prospects, but they have no identity within which to worry about the fit of a potential acquisition. They weren't even mentioned to be pursuing many offers, which given the disarray of their roster and record, just seems lazy.

- Although they weren't talked about as much, I sincerely expected the Pistons to shake things up because a) they have lots of talented pieces, b) Joey D's never shied away from triggering a big deal, and c) they're fucking pitiful this year. This seemed like a perfect time to jettison one/some of their young studs in what was clearly a buyers' market, but admittedly their recent decision to commit a third of their cap space to two guys who aren't currently starting hasn't given them much room to work with. Although he'll no doubt be working the phones to make something happen in June, Mr. Dumars' early summer plans will likely involve much more leisure time than if he had been in a different frame of mind back on that fateful June night in 2003. Hopefully visions of Carmelo and Dwyane re-upping with his team won't haunt him while he's putting to save par.

Of course, we'll need wait and see what develops over the next few months before we can cast a final judgement on the Trade Deadline. Maybe the passive route was the best idea and the waiting game will pay off for these franchises, but the trade market we just saw is a rare breed and passing it up is a serious roll of the dice at a high stakes game. Things are only going to get zanier this summer, and only time will tell if these teams came out for the better. But with so much talent and cap space readily available, there might be a lot of GMs soon spending time near the bottom of a bitter whiskey bottle, lamenting what might've been.

Have a good weekend everyone, I'll be back in a few days.

It's Deadline Time!

...And things promised to be a especially hectic this year, as the sinking luxury tax threshold and anticipation of July's impending free-agent exodus added other dimensions to the usual clamor to improve contenders, re-build disasters and move disgruntled stars. Not to disappoint, several blockbuster deals stood out amongst a flurry of moves made with a wide variety of motivations. Let's break down the important deals and see who came out on top:

Mavericks get: Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood, Deshawn Stevenson

Wizards get: Josh Howard, Drew Gooden, box of spare pistol ammunition

This deal, announced over the weekend, kicked off the madness and signaled the beginning of Washington's voluntary implosion. Here, they were lowballed for their best player and although they gained some long-term flexibility by shedding Stevenson and Haywood's, this franchise - given their preseason aspirations - is at rock bottom. Dallas meanwhile, is loving this trade. They added a slasher to their perimeter scorers in Butler, who also becomes their best and toughest defender. Haywood can rebound, block shots and be much more of a distraction down low on both ends than Erick Dampier, and Stevenson? Well, his weird beard can raise morale as locker-room joke fodder. They got significantly better, and could potentially become the biggest threat to the Lakeshow. Who wins? 80% Mavs, 20% Wizards

Blazers get: Marcus Camby

Clippers get: Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw, ca$h money

Great move for the Blazers. Down two centers to season-long injury, Portland went out and nabbed maybe the best rent-a-center they could've by landing the former DPOY. Assuming Camby himself doesn't revert to his injury-prone ways (and Brandon Roy comes back), he'll solidify the middle for a playoff run and come off the books for about $11 mil in June. They give up a guard they didn't need and an injured swingman they likely couldn't afford to re-sign. The Clippers get to shave a little more money off the cap next year, knowing that their season was going nowhere and Camby was going anywhere else. Who wins? 70% Blazers, 30% Clippers

Bobcats get: Tyrus Thomas

Bulls get: Flip Murray, Acie Law, future 1st rounder

Thomas' departure was inevitable; his inconsistent play and apparently shitty attitude endeared him little to Vinny D kept his teammates constantly guessing; will he make this play?...Will he make the team flight? This seems like addition by subtraction for Chicago, who also boost their scoring punch and backcourt depth with their new players. Meanwhile, Charlotte's painfully thin frontcourt gets bolstered by Thomas' addition; regardless of his disposition he can become an impact player if he keeps his head on straight. Maybe a change of scenery was what he needed, but he'll fill a serious void on a team that relies on their small forward for almost 12 boards every game. Bonus points to Charlotte for pilfering a potential stud, whose name has been floated in rumors for awhile, when his value was at an all-time low. Who wins? 50% Bulls, 50% Bobcats

Bucks get: John Salmons

Bulls get: Hakim Warrick, Joe Alexander

The Bulls quietly dumped Salmons' $6 million salary for two expiring deals. This will do little to help their playoff cause (not that it'll amount to anything beyond a swift first-round exit), but methinks Chicago might be cleaning house to make a run at a hometown kid who's looking less and less at home down in Miami. If we're to take Wade's recent encouraging comments about playing in Chi-Town seriously (and why woulnd't we?), then this would be a worthwhile venture. The Bucks pick up some backcourt competency in the trade, probably not enough to dodge the lottery though. The expiring deals they give up limit the flexibility of a team that needs to rebuild regardless of Michael Redd's status, and picked up only a serviceable swingman. Who wins? 60% Bulls, 40% Bucks

Celtics get: Nate Robinson, unknown player (as of Thursday afternoon)

Knicks get: Eddie House, Bill Walker's corpse, JR Giddens

The Knicks made another payroll have, acquiring a bunch of soon-to-be-null contracts and getting rid of a player who had clearly fallen out of favor with Mike D'Antoni and hardly played anyway. The Celtics traded an erratic, undersized shooting guard for an erratic, undersized point guard who won't match House's playoff experience or be effective unless he's dominating the ball on a team of very good players. Robinson's a better player talent-wise, but I worry about his ability to contribute to a contender. Who wins? 65% Knicks, 35% Celtics

Knicks get: Tracy McGrady, Sergio Rodriguez

Rockets get: Kevin Martin, Jordan Hill, Jared Jeffries

Kings get: Carl Landry, Joey Dorsey and...sigh..Larry Hughes

In the most complex deadline deal, the Kings decided Kevin Martin wasn't fitting into their scheme (in all honesty, they played much better without him) and shipped Houston exactly what they needed: first an elite scorer, then working New York into the deal to add a legit 7-foot prospect (of which Houston currently has none) and a great defender in Jeffries, while doing right by Tracy McGrady (for some reason) and sending him to a preferred destination. T-Mac gets a chance to revive his career in a high-octane offense under the bright lights of MSG, and if things don't work out, his league-high $23 million price tag comes off the books in a few months. Despite his recent ineptitude, McGrady - having been almost voted an All-Star starter - is clearly still one of the most popular players in the League and will give fans something to care about as the Knicks grind to another lottery season. The Kings pick up maybe the A's most underrated player in Landry, who will be a nice, consistent piece on a team that's had little stability this season. You have to think a top-tier scorer like Martin, whose trade value hadn't been slandered at all, could've netted more. Who wins? 50% Rockets, 40% Knicks, 10% Kings

Cavaliers get: Antawn Jamison, The Artist Formerly Known As Sebastien Telfair

Wizards get: Zydrunas Ilgauskas' contract, Al Thornton

Clippers get: Drew Gooden

The Wizards firesale/complete fucking meltdown spread yesterday, consuming their other All-Star calibre forward and sending him to the (record-wise) best team in the conference. We know that Washington's trying to cut costs like ties to Gilbert Arenas, and the Clippers needed to shore up their thin front line (although I sincerely doubt they've found the answer), but what this does for Cleveland is significant. It's a shame that Lebron and Amar'e won't be joining forces, but I like this trade for a couple reasons. Not only will Jamison spread the floor better and likely fit very well into Cleveland's offensive scheme, but the Cavs were able to hold onto JJ Hickson, who would've been included in any deal with Phoenix and is becoming a serious beast. Jamison's proven highly effective as a role player; this former 6th Man of the Year wanted to be traded to a contender to help win a title and might be the difference in deciding who brings it home in June. Meanwhile, Big Z's likely going to be bought out, in which case his re-signing with the Cavs for the minimum would be a sure bet. Adding a would've-been All-Star for nothing? That's the kind of shrewd move that'll instill confidence in Lebron and convey the organization's commitment to winning now. Who wins? 90% Cavs, 10% Wizards, Clippers?...well...you got Drew Gooden.

In related news, the Jazz saved some luxury money by shipping Ronnie Brewer to the Grizz for a first-rounder, the Bucks and 76ers exchanged Gatorade coolers for practice balls and Darko Milicic was traded again, but who really cares about him anymore?

I'll be back in a few days to ramble on about some of the trades that didn't happen, why, and what it could mean for the teams involved. 'Til then, peace.

It's Deadline Time!

Get Your Popcorn: The 2010 NBA All-Star Game, (not really) Live on Basketball Banter!

In about 5 minutes, the NBA's midseason classic will be getting underway. The 2010 All-Star Game has been billed a spectacle unlike any before. Mark Cuban's idiotic hyperbole ("It will make the Super Bowl look like a bar mitzvah") aside, this will be a huge event for the NBA; its 90,000+ attendees make up the largest crowd ever to watch a basketball game. Despite some key injuries, it's also the best collection of talent on a court together this year...and after the joke of a dunk contest we all labored through last night, us NBA fans are hungry for some highlights. After some Usher-led intros, tipoff's getting set, so let's get involved:

- West wins the tip. Quick Nash to Nowitzki for an 18-foot jumper. Early MVP favorite? After a Lebron miss, another Dirk jumper...not convinced yet?

- A whole lot of jumpers so far. A couple airballs. Melo just made the first move to the hoop but couldnt hit the rim either...Lebron finally responds with a trey to put the East on the board.

- Amare puts back a yet another bricked jumper for the game's first dunk. Not to be outdone, Dwyane comes back off the backboard and onto Steve Nash.

- The game's starting to open up a bit now, the West is driving, dunking...hahaha aaaand Dwight hits a 3. Career first? Then he bricks one off the dribble next time up court? Stan must have a good sense of humor. He gets back to business quickly, pinning Melo 10 seconds later, then finishing with an and-1 tomahawk at the other end.

- Apparently the behemoth this game's taking place in will also host the Super Bowl and Final Four in the next 3 years. Jerry Jones is doin' his damn best to get his $1.5 billion worth.

- 5 left in the first and we're knotted at 20. The refs are calling a clean game so far, couple surprising whistles. The East is still bricking a lot of jumpers, the latest offender: 3-Point champ Paul Pierce.

- Dallas heroes collide as Chris Bosh cleans up an inevitable East brick and puts a disheartening crowning on the Dirkster. Bad news for Diggler all around as Melo's doing his best to stymie the MVP early; he's already halfway back downcourt by the time his 11th, 12th and 13th points fall through the net.

- We hear from Craig Sager; haven't seen his suit yet.

- The East's jumper woes are finally cured by...Rajon Rondo? Somehow they're up.

- Gasol gets mugged by Bosh and Howard and the refs give him a goaltending call? The elephants (..can't really call them zebras..) are really earning those paychecks tonight. 37-34 East after one.

- As the 2nd quarter starts....shit Deron can get UP!..sorry, the broadcast highlights the elevated court the game's being played on, a recent trend in new arenas. I dont get this. Has 'severe injury' written all over it if a player chases a ball out of bounds...not that we'll see that tonight tho...

- The boys are starting to put on a show now; Wade's dunking on everyone, Deron's pushing everything, tossing and catching alley-oops, really making the most of it now that he's finally here.

- TNT's about to air a segment called "What It Takes to Be an All-Star". In the West? Don't get injured. in the East? A playoff team.

- D-Fish in the house. The NBAPA pres is on hand with more nervous kids than a Neverland Ranch party for a special 'NBA Cares' presentation. Couldn't they do the CSR bit at halftime?

- Back to the game; Derek Rose gets loose in transition...Deron to KD for a huge cram...DWade puts down his 27th dunk of the night, a nice slashign tomahawk. Been a nice game so far....not enough to make upfor last night but its a start.

- Finally we get a Craig sighting sideline with Kevin Durant. His attire's surprisingly subdued this evening; a red blazer dapperly adorned by what appears to be a black suede suit. He's got these stupid shiny things on his tie though...he just couldn't resist.

- We also have our first Chris Kaman sighting. Enjoy it folks, won't last long.

- The East is starting to hit a few jumpers now, has a few nice transition buckets, and a 7-point lead at the half. Melo's got 17, but the East has 4 guys in double figures. Between the lax D and these guys being the best players on the planet, you have to think the home team's gonna start finding the net in the second half.

- Halftime performers: Alicia Keys and Shakira...Well done, Mr Stern.


- Shakira ascends to the stage in a cage, has apparently hired Britney Spears' old wardrobe manager, and the camera's giving ample attention to her..um..ass(ets). I can't stand the song she's singing, but still enjoying this as much as the game.


- Now for some Songs in A Minor. This lady's got one of the smoothest voices out there. Unfortunately, Alicia went a more conserative route with her attire...still though...damn.


- USA Basketball introduces their squad for the upcoming World Championships, offering up what has to be a somewhat sarcastic "we wish the best of luck to all teams competing in Turkey" while lining up the best players in tonight's game and flanking them with some of the nicest young guns in the L.


- Alright, 40 minutes later, it's back to the game. Opens with...another ugly brick from the East.


- Dwight decides to man the point and goes coast to coast for a dotted-line slam. Shaq can say what he wants about the guy but he's a fucking monster and he knows how to put on a show. That being said, nobody should try to punk Superman's nickname, he sparked that beef.


- Wade to D12 for a nice one hand slam on the break. His head's well above the rim on the replay...with the East up 14, Howard's suddenly making an MVP push.


- Lebron airballs a trey...and just when I was about to write something slanderous, he catches a feed from Wade, clutches a reverse slam and sits on Tim Duncan's head...and serves a nice encore on the next play.


- Out of a timeout, Bron returns the favor a tosses Wade a lob on the break. James is even hitting jumpers now. My Dirk prediction's looking worse every minute.


- This is getting ridiculous. As Bron skies for a soaring 2-hander on the break, we're reminded that Wade's got a double-double with 20 and 10 dimes. The West is looking gassed, like they really coulda used those injured bodies.


- Durant ices one from the parking lot as the buzzer sounds. It's 118-109 for the East going into the fourth. Melo's got 25 to lead all scorers.

- 108,000 and change in attendance. Not shabby.

- West comes out on a tear and cuts it to two in just over a minute. Guess we're gonna have a game on our hands here.

- Celeb Watch: Jigga, P Diddy, TO, Chris Tuckered; lookin like he's 60, Gabrielle Union (anyone got her on Facebook?), The Governator, and of course Spike Lee.

- Wade saves/lobs behind his back to Lebron on the break...who saves it between his legs to Rondo...who dishes behind the back to Wade.........who loses it as he goes up and gets fouled. Rats.

- Next time up the floor, Zach Randolph lays the hardest foul in All-Star history on Wade as he flies baseline.

- The odd whistles continue, a backcourt violation leads to a goaltend to knot the score at 124.

- Rondo pilfers the rock, straddles the sideline, and hits Wade for a nice oop (I'm pretty sure all Wade's field goals tonight are dunks); East up 4.

- For some reason, they're still showing those lame dunk contest ads with those spoken-word poets begging for a night that "goes down in history" and "gives us something to read about"...were they watching? Fuck off already.

- Wade with another steal, another dunk, another nail in the MVP coffin?. The East is looking like they're in control, up nine with 3:30 to go.

- A pair of free throws from Dirk cut it to 5 a minute later. The East is back to bricking jumpers...stay tuned....oops another steal leads to a Lebron breakaway dunk...and Chauncey comes back with an icy 3. Mr Big Shot indeed.

- Another Nowitzki trip to the charity stripe, and it's a two point game with a buck thirty left. Too early to ask for overtime?

- Chaaauuuunceyyyyyy. Billups ties it with a stepback right in Wade's mug.

- The game is tied, 30 seconds left, 100, 000 people on their feet, Deron Williams....dribbles into traffic and turns it over...and then fouls Wade with 11.2 left under the false pretense that his team was down two. Dwyane hits both, setting up what's either going to be a very thrilling or very stupid conclusion.

- They draw up a screen to free Dirk for a triple. Dwight bites on a pump fake and sends Nowitzki to the line, where he inevitably hits both. Tie game with 7.7 left...

- So who's getting the shot? My money's on a Lebron iso...but no a screen for Bosh off his own inbound. He gets tripped and wets both at the line...enough with the free throws already.

- 5 seconds left...does Dirk get another shot at the win? Instead Melo bails on a trey, the East wins a tight one 141-139. Wade's gotta be the MVP. Between the high-flying antics of Howard, Wade and James, a halftime show that looked (..and mostly sounded) better than The Who, and a relatively thrilling game down the stretch, the largest crowd ever to watch a basketball game got their money's worth. Even at like $500 a pop for nosebleeds.

- Confirming the obvious, Dwyane Wade takes down the MVP. All in all, a pretty entertaining evening, but I'm all outta popcorn. I'll get back later this week to break down the trade deadline madness, til then, peace.

The Death of the Dunk Contest

I dunno about you guys, but I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth this morning. Not the kind of "I forgot to brush my teeth last night" bitter, or even "too much stout draught" bitter, but "I watched the dunk contest die right in front of me" bitter. It didn't help matters that the audio was drowned out by some drunk lady belting out sub-par karaoke at my favorite watering hole, but even without the imitation Cyndi Lauper in the background, it was a disgusting display.

The Dunk Contest has been mired in a downward spiral for years now; a lethal mix of superstar reluctance and inane league rules have reduced what was once one of All-Star Weekend's most exciting draws (some would argue its marquee event) into a sad, mangled bastardization. We've seen many pathetic attempts to revive it, but based on the dud that was fired up last night, the A's a long way from getting their act together and restoring the glory days. Here's 10 things they might wanna look into:

10. Set the Mood - Kill the lights. Add some pyro. Bang a few club anthems. Hell, maybe even bring back the drumroll. Last night's contest reminded me of a Monday afternoon; no ambience, no excitement. Judging from the throw-downs, I wasn't the only one who wasn't feelin' it.

9. Fuck the Fans - I know it's just the League trying to reach out and keep fans involved, but these are the same idiots who voted AI as a starter this year. They clearly don't know what the hell's going on. Plus we're never gonna get to see that iconic wide-angle shot of the judges all raising 10s after someone throws down some niceness that clearly ends the proceedings.

8. Legalize Solo Flights - I'm still not sure why the League insists that participants include a teammate on one of their first round attempts, but this serves no constructive purpose whatsoever. If a player wants to catch a lob from his buddy, let him make that choice, don't force another shackle onto a contest whose essence (creativity) has already been stymied (more on that in a second...)

7. Ban Nate Robinson for Life - Perhaps most damning of the Dunk Contest's fall from grace is that a pint-sized cheerleader, who despite his undeniable athleticism and showmanship takes an average of 5 attempts to put one down, is now its most decorated champion ever.

6. Impeach Lebron - If I'm the commish, and the most celebrated, athletically gifted player under my rule openly declared his candidacy for the dunk contest, only to back-out quicker than Melo in a brawl, I'd be pissed enough to send him a Stern letter, informing him that he won't be allowed to win an NBA title until he delivers on that bold remark. If you want to restore the star factor (sorry Gerald, you don't count) to the contest, he'd be the Pied Piper.

5. Slash the Shot Clock - 2 minutes to put one down? Sorry, this is just wrong. No wonder we've had to sit through insufferable epic meltdowns of players trying desperately to finish a dunk 20 times (..and then having them win..). Giving players 30 seconds or so would force them to be realistic and on point; any dunk's better when it goes down the first time.

4. Kill the Fun Police - Five years ago, Josh Smith wanted to bring Paul Wall out and windmill over him. Clearly would've been the greatest dunk ever, but apparently this wasn't allowed. But it's ok for Dwight and Nate to don superhero outfits and turn the contest into a stupid gimmick? Again, let the dunkers decide what they want to do. Hell, let Rudy Gay clear the 3-6 Mafia from the foul line next year. You want hype? get better dunkers involved. Wanna get better dunkers involved? Reassure them this is THEIR contest.

3. Let Everyone Play - Enough with this invite-only crap. Limiting the field to four contestants chosen by the NBA is restricting and pretentious. If some young cat thinks he can show us something exciting, why not? Allowing players to declare their own entry would only open up more possibilities. You think James White wouldn't have entered at least once?

2. Lose the Dunk-In - The latest in a long line of forced attempts to spice up the Contest; all this dos is force a worthy participant to waste a nice dunk (there are only so many...) just to punch his ticket. In the worst-case scenario, you could have a guy like Eric Gordon, who isn't much of a flashy dunker to begin with, struggling to throw down during halftime of a game he's playing in?? Come on...

1. Put Some Real Money Up - First prize in the Dunk Contest is 35 grand. Not a bad check to be cut for a half hour's work, but to NBA players this is little to be excited about. Now suppose the purse got upped to 1 million (which the League can clearly afford with little hesitation), not only is there an instant buzz created (maybe big enough to get some big names involved), but young, athletic showmen might be inclined to go all-out, chasing the realistic prospect of making more cheddar on All-Star saturday than through a whole season on the league minimum. Regardless how big the ripple, you create interest and get people caring about the contest...because after last night it's becoming very hard to do.

...Say It Ain't So

The Los Angeles Clippers have been one of the most historically laughable teams in the history of professional sports. From botched draft picks, to inane trades, to moves aimed at shaving dollars regardless of the accompanying talent, this team has never been able to get it together long enough for anyone to take them seriously. So what does a perpetually terrible team do when their rookie stud's injured all year, their coach was recently dismissed and they're destined for another trip to Secaucus for the Draft Lottery?

They go after the best possible man to lead their franchise (into disaster) . Of course.

For all you Clippers fans out there, I'm sincerely sorry. Everyone else, let's pray this happens; it'll be way too much fun.