Basketball Banter

Who The Fuck is Jeremy Lin?

2012-02-11T23:45:00.006-04:00

Just last week, you would have represented an overwhelming majority of the general public, and even a large spectrum of NBA fans, if you uttered those words. My, how times change. Now, everyone (and I do mean everyone) knows a lot more about Jeremy Lin:

Jeremy Lin is a Harvard graduate.

Jeremy Lin is the NBA's first Asian-American player.

Jeremy Lin was undrafted, and ten days ago, didn't know if he'd have a guaranteed contract for the rest of the season.

We know this because, against every fathomable degree of logic and probability, Jeremy Lin came out this week for a floundering team without its two best players and dropped the highest-scoring trio of debut starts in NBA history; all W's.

I just watched him lead his team to another victory, hanging 20 and 8 on a suddenly legitimate Minnesota team, and felt under-whelmed...Remember this is Jeremy Lin we're talking about here, 20 and 8 in a W doesn't underwhelm me unless you're Lebron James or you've been sucking for my fantasy team (...Russell....). What's this World coming to? You can't make this shit up, it's too unreal...Hell I should probably stop writing this right now and get the jump on penning a script for Linsanity: An Underdog Story. In my MIP post last week, I spoke of the various factors that have come together to make unlikely breakouts not all the unlikely this year, and a perfect storm of those variables has created one of the most out-of-nowhere -and certainly sudden - stars in pro sports history. That he's doing it on basketball's biggest stage, for a team who would've traded Walt Frazier's closet for legitimate point guard, makes it even more ridiculous.

Jeremy Lin's story has come along at the perfect time as well. A couple weeks ago, The BS Report talked about how this season's hectic, action-filled schedule was perfect for the on-the-fly social media generation that can watch several games at once, while receiving Twitter updates and harassing the friends they just passed in their online pool. Consequently, Lin's spellbinding story (and really, it sounds ridiculous, but there's nothing else to call it) has rippled much further than it would've ten, even five years ago. The internet's more ubiquitous than ever, and in total pandemonium about what's going on: This morning, after dumping 38 on Kobe and the Lakers, Lin headlined NBA.com's front page, but also ESPN's, and even on Yahoo!, MSN, and even CNN before news of Whitney Houston's passing broke.

I feel like this is big. "News", by and large, as we've come to know it, is garbage. Most of what we're exposed to as mass-media-minions in today's unavoidably informative society is either depressing rhetoric about foreign wars, gun violence, and the trillions of ways to give yourself cancer, or agenda-pushing horseshit that's hardly worth its weight in the salt you should take it with. We're (to some extent) being suppressed by this overload of negative information, because let's face it, it's what people are going to tune in for.

Rarely does such an improbable and non-polarizing feel-good story come along (...OK, sorry has anything like this EVER happened before? Not only in terms of unlikeliness, but that fact that you'd have to be the biggest asshole in the World to not want to root for this guy; he's humble, well-spoken, obviously smart and hard-working (you don't graduate Harvard and make the NBA slacking at any point in your life) and doesn't have any kind of unnecessarily overt theological allegiance), and that it's permeating into a media pool that's inundated with tragedy and dishonesty is promising. This sounds corny, but plain and simple, the World needs more inspiration; more Jeremy Lins, more reasons to celebrate successes and believe that with driven application, it can be duplicated. If even one little kid, who doesn't watch basketball and never otherwise would've heard of Jeremy Lin, sees him on TV, thinks his story's cool, and gains the confidence to strive for something big and improbable, then we're all better off.

It's going to be interesting to see how Jeremy Lin adapts to having his name known; not only is he suddenly one of the NBA's biggest celebrities, but he'll have a target on him every time he steps onto the floor and won't be taking anyone by surprise ever again. Things are gonna be changing very quickly for him, and even though we feel like we know everything there is to know about Jeremy Lin after this crazy week, we're about to find out much more...

The 2012 All-Star Firing Squad

2012-02-10T18:49:00.007-04:00

Well, it's out there. Your 2012 All-Stars have been announced, and, as always, debate about who got an unfair nod and why everyone's favorite underdog got snubbed is running more rampant than the trade rumors circling the upcoming deadline. As always, Banter's ready to pick apart the picks and try and set things straight; load up your clips, it's time for the Firing Squad.

The straight reality is that compared to other years, the fans and coaches did a relatively solid job of choosing 24 deserving candidates, and some of their trends (especially among coaches) point to a shift in logic or criteria, directly contradicting the way these things used to go down. But let's face it, there was also a lot less for the fans to screw up this year: Yao Ming, Allen Iverson and Vince Carter are distant memories, so we'll get to save some ammo this time around.

EAST STARTERS

F - Carmelo Anthony, New York Knicks

OK, let's just call this what it is: a fucking joke. New York's having a terrible season and Carmelo's been the poster boy for the defensive meltdowns that are crippling them. I have the same kind of regard for Chris Bosh that you have for that annoying girl your buddy used to date, but I won't let my opinion of him obscure the fact that he deserves this more than Melo. (Yes, I know how ridiculous 3 Heat starters sounds, but I cant see a way around it). BBRRRAAPPPP!! Total reputation pick from people who haven't actually watched any basketball this year.

F - Lebron James, Miami Heat

Won't waste any bullets here. Just a two-time MVP having the best season of his career so far. If you've got a problem with him being here, you live in central Ohio and really need to consider a change of scenery.

G - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

Another easy pass, as Rose has been superb this season while the Bulls deal with another wave of nagging injuries (including his own), all the while leading Chicago to the top of the conference and making it very hard not to call him the best point guard in the NBA.

G- Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Tempted to knock Wade here since he's been injured and slightly less than himself this year, but even though this feels like a reputation pick, there just aren't any other guards in the East that've screamed "I have to start in the All-Star Game!!" so far. He'll also be a lot more entertaining than whoever could possibly take his place.

C - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

The safest spot in the game gets held down by the guy who's going to be the undeniable focal point of All-Star weekend, regardless of how hard the NBA's brass tries to awkwardly downplay the trade dilemma that's enveloping their host city (you just know Craig Sager's gonna get gully and ask some inappropriate questions). Won't bother here, especially because I'm pretty sure Dwight could take a shotgun blast to the chest at close range without flinching.

EAST RESERVES

F - Chris Bosh, Miami Heat

Woulda let him take out Carmelo and get the injury start if I didn't despise him so much...Those "fans" again. Actually, let me throw some additional blame in for the idiot in the NBA's office who decided to let people vote daily, providing us with years of the most populous cities/nations spamming ballots and allowing for shit like this to happen.

F- Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls

I don't know what the hell's gotten into the coaches on this one, but I love it. Deng's solid contributions to Chicago last year were largely overlooked, and he was killing it this year before his injury, which I assumed would kill any chance of him making this team. His inclusion is deserved, and shows a lot more shrewdness than I've to expect from the reserve selection committee.

C - Roy Hibbert, Indiana Pacers

This is where things start to get hairy. Greg Monroe is having a better season than Roy Hibbert. Hibbert plays a crucial role on a much better team. The standard logic would be that the Detroit Pistons can't have an All-Star because they suck so much, which would be fine if the coaches didn't also pluck Deron Williams from the woeful Nets (more on that in a second). As such, they've contradicted their own logic and forced us to question whether they put any thought into this at all.

F- Andre Iguodala, Philadelphia 76ers

No firing here; Iggy's having a great year for a team that's crushing expectations and "needs" an All-Star. His scoring may have dipped but he's become an improved facilitator on one of the NBA's most balanced attacks and still plays some of the stingiest D around.

G - Joe Johnson, Atlanta Hawks

This annoys me because not only is Joe Johnson the most fraudulent max guy since Rashard Lewis, he also hasn't been the best player on his own team this year. The position restrictions can only go so far; no one would've died if Iguodala got voted in as a guard so Josh Smith could get the All-Star invite he's finally earned. Lord knows we've seen more ridiculous things happen.

Didn't know you could get a reputation pick when your reputation's that of an overpaid impostor of a franchise player.

G - Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics

Totally Ok with this. Pierce's play has been the main thing keeping Boston alive in this season of uncertainty. He's had this spot for a decade and has shown no reason why someone else should take it.

G - Deron Williams, New Jersey Nets

...And now this. Not sure what to think. I've always been a part of the "Put the Best Players in the Game" camp; I hate seeing three players roll out from the conference's best team when two of them rode coattails. Williams is having a pretty good season, and there aren't many guards that could lay legitimate claim to this spot, but handing out an All-Star berth to a guy with no chance of making the playoffs, unless he's doing something historical (like Love and Griffin last year) just seems a little out there. Not that I'm against it, it'd just be nice for the logic behind these picks to be consistent. For once.

WEST STARTERS

F - Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

Pass. If you don't think the League's best scorer, leading arguably the League's best team, should be starting in the All-Star game then please stop reading this.

F - Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers

Not to slight Griffin; I love his game and think him spending more time on the floor is best possible thing for the All Star Game's entertainment value, but if we're giving this spot to the best player, it needs to be Kevin Love. He's playing out of his mind, is noticeably better even after winning the MIP and is a consensus top-10 guy right now, just took less money than he's worth and actually his a team that David Kahn put together in playoff contention (!!!), if that's not worthy of a starting spot, I don't know what is.

G - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

I don't really understand why people still slight/hate on/attempt to underestimate Kobe Bryant. This man is one of the fiercest competitors that professional sports has ever seen; he's destroyed almost everything in his path for 15 years, and yet people still slighted him after the Lakers got swept, calling him slower, weaker, less of a player. That he came back every bit as nasty as the Kobe we've always known, even at this age, should have surprised no one. Nor should it that he's got this spot.

G - Chris Paul, Los Angeles Lakers, er, sorry...Clippers

Lob City's been every bit as entertaining and competitive as they were hyped up to be, CP's obviously been the key ingredient in developing this team into a contender. Another deserving selection, but like I said earlier, the fans had it kinda easy this year.

C - Andrew Bynum, Los Angeles Lakers

Finally living up to his billing as a dominant big man, Bynum's taken a jump this year, coupling his increased scoring (even amid Bryant's Rebounding-From-The-Phil-Breakup offensive debauchery) with a more disciplined awareness on D; he looks like that early-season suspension was a real maturation process despite how used to the sidelines he's gotten over his career. Regardless, he's healthy, playing the best ball of his career, and has (sorry, Marc) easily been the West's best center.

F - LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trailblazers

Better late than never, I guess. After being blatantly robbed by Tim Duncan last year, Aldridge's ability to thrive while avoiding the career-ending injury bug that seems to be going around Portland has been a godsend to a franchise that's probably had the worst run of luck in the League over the last decade (maybe Houston). He's done everything he could be asked to do for this team and can't be denied anymore.

C - Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies

...So honestly, who saw this coming back when the Lakers traded this guy for his brother? If you for some reason made a "One Gasol will be an All-Star in 2012, and it won't be Pau" prop bet four years ago, enjoy the large sum of money you're currently lighting expensive cigars with. The Grizzlies front line got crippled early when Darrell Arthur dropped before the season started and Zach Randolph didn't last much longer. That they're not below water (and .500) is largely due to Gasol's Grizzly-like grind on the low-mid block. The coaches are almost starting to make too much sense, my trigger finger's getting itchy...

F - Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves

He's been by far the best power forward in the NBA this season. He needs to be starting. Simple as that. Give Blake minutes ('cause honestly, as much as I love Kevin, I don't watch the All-Star game to see gritty rebounding and spot-up three point shooting), but this is about recognition.

G - Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns

Hate to fire on Steve, but it's gotta be done. He's a transcendent player who's aged amazingly and is way too loyal to the Suns, and although he's leading the league in assists, his team's garbage and he's probably the easiest casualty of the three point guards on this bench. Again, I like seeing the best players in the game, but not as much as I hate blissful contradiction and gaps in logic when deciding who gets there. BAP BAP!

F - Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

Based on this season, Dirk clearly has no place here. But I drunkenly dropped this gem on an NBA Roundtable Facebook group I'm in at 5 in the morning after I found out, and can't really come up with a better way to say it: Dirk deserves a spot; regardless of what happened this year he's fresh off a first-ballot-HOF playoff performance and no other forward in the west has definitely wrestled his spot away from him. In a perfect world we'd see someone else get some rec. but the way all-star politics work in the nba, dirk's gotta be here

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

G - Tony Parker, San Antonio Spurs

I was thinking (hoping) this would finally be the year the Spurs didn't need a requisite All-Star, but their ability to defy time has stymied me again. Parker's been a game-changer for the Spurs, who are somewhat underdogs to be leading the Southwest right now, and thus should be repped.

G - Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder

Another easy choice; even amid his distributional indiscretions, he's an explosive force who's one of the best scorer/playmakers in the League and part of the Conference's deadliest 1-2 combo. His autocratic green-light routine will fit in well in the All-Star game, where he's sure to meet his match sharing a backcourt with Kobe.

Catchin' Strays - The All Snub Team

Josh Smith - He's responded to Al Horford's injury by stepping it up on the glass and spending more time in the paint, shooting less 3's and generally having the type of season that should've finally gotten him in this game.

Greg Monroe/Anderson Varejao - Since the East coaches clearly weren't worried about sticking player from shitty teams on the squad, I'm confused how Roy Hibbert got picked over either of these guys. Sure Indiana's one of several teams playing way above expectations, but they're also very well balanced and not really an "All-Star" kind of team. This is really, really sad; for one time in the post-90's era, the East offered up several viable center candidates, and the wrong guy got in.

Amar'e Stoudemire - Obviously it's gonna be weird having an All-Star game without STAT, but he's having his worst year in ages, making Tyson Chandler's life hell on defense while succumbing to the Knicks' point guard woes and Carmelo Anthony's tunnel vision.

Kyle Lowry - It would've been nice for the Sternbot to pull some strings and make this happen, if only as a slight apology for fucking Houston out of a franchise-altering good trade.

Monta Ellis - Bit of a stretch, Ellis' scoring and shooting numbers are way down, and Golden State's not exactly what you'd call "good", but he's gotta start feeling like that ever-fleeting trade to a better team's the only thing he can hope for.

Should be a fun game; lots of athletic dunkers, creative passers, and scorers who could make for a serious shootout. We'll get to enjoy CP3 freezing out Kobe/Bynum, Blake and Lebron battling for the World Heavyweight Crowning belt, and more Dwight Howard stories than anyone will care to hear. Getcha Popcorn and enjoy the show.

PED Watch '12: The Early MIP Candidates

2012-02-08T01:11:00.006-04:00

Last year was an exciting one for the Most Improved Player race; a bunch of young guys primed for blow-up seasons delivered on their immense promise and made for a wide-open contest before Kevin Love went all Vince in Oakland while hardly leaving the floor.

This season, PED Watch is back for another thrilling drive to the MIP in what might be the perfect year for widespread outbreaks. Everything about this 66-game clusterfuck lends itself to young guys with upside getting opportunity: veterans being out of shape from the long offseason (and expected no-season), fresher legs having more energy every night, more injuries, more lineup changes, and the added X-factor that only 3 of 30 NBA teams are definitely not in dice-rolling mode. Ya, things have been pretty hectic so far, but who's stood out among the rest? Here's some love for the guys who really spent the extra down time last year puttin' in work:

Kyle Lowry, Houston Rockets - The Rockets had a pretty awful year due to some bullshit out of their own control, from sources both indirect (the Chinese government) and very direct (David Stern), that collectively crippled this otherwise well-managed team. When the transaction they'd spent years saving for was corruptly denied, Houston had little to smile about. Then Lowry came out guns-a-blazin', doing his best Kevin Johnson impersonation and leading the Rockets attack with a poise that put an already-stacked class of NBA PG's on notice. Had he kept up his early pace, this column may not have been worth writing, but despite a recent shooting gaffe (a 9 game stretch where he went 30-99), he remains the strongest contender.

Ryan Anderson, Orlando Magic - As if Otis Smith didn't already look stupid enough for signing Rashard Lewis, but he's managed to cushion the insult to his own injury by unearthing a guy who does everything Lewis did for them (arguably better) at a zillionth of the cost. While even Anderson hasn't been immune to the recent plague of disconnect on an injured and obviously distracted Magic squad, he's having a career year, offering a unique combination of tough, versatile defense from the 4 with deadly 3-point shooting. Pat Garrity must be proud.

Greg Monroe, Detroit Pistons - Having NBA League Pass is awesome for any number of reasons, most of all the ability to see teams that never get any burn on TV. It's great being able to watch the young, exciting Wolves come of age, the under-repped Pacers prove their threat, or the clueless Wizards just try not to kill each other. There's one team that I can find no time for: Detroit. Because they're a fucking quagmire of everything that's wrong with the NBA these days: horrible contracts, maligned talent, no identity, untimely stagnation, awful coaching, and the lack of balls to fire the guy with deep franchise roots whose front office savvy expired quicker than a Radio Shack warranty. It's a shame because Greg Monroe's just an absolute beast who's going to be a perennial All-Star once Dwight changes conferences and/or he gets the hell out of Detroit.

Nikola Pekovic, Minnesota Timberwolves - Playing the game with an aggressiveness that matches his Russian gangster/kodiak bear stature, Pekovic has blossomed in his newfound starting role as Kevin Love's bash brother and Ricky Rubio's low-post muse. Apparently thriving under the tutelage of 80's great and Wolves assistant Jack Sikma, the fans in Minny have been treated to Peko's re-defined court awareness, and improved footwork and finishing (there's been a lot more Godfather music echoing through the Target Center lately), as well as a sense of primacy: he's playing like he knows he's a force, and making Love's responsibility to dominate that much easier. Looks like another blown shot for Darko.

Paul George, Indiana Pacers - While it's hard to really blow up on a team as well-balanced and mundane as the Pacers, George has done his best to make his name ring out. His surgical long-range trigger's given him the confidence to exploit less athletic defenders off the dribble, and while his finishing in traffic and mid-range decision making aren't always as smooth as his perimeter game (including on D), he's shown many flashes of greatness this year and will only get better with more, well, as the rappers call it, "swag".

DeAndre Jordan, Los Angeles Clippers - There's a valid but finite argument to made about a guy's candidacy for this award when his numbers are up across the board and he's second in the League in blocks and FG%. Jordan's improvement this season goes far beyond the numbers and delves into his role as the backbone of, let's call a spade a spade, an awful defensive unit. Sure, Chris Paul's as good an on-the-ball defender as you'll find in the backcourt, but behind him? Mo Williams plays defense like Lebron plays 4th quarters. Caron Butler's clearly lost the quickness that made him so effective on D and appears to have gone the way of Metta World Peace. Chauncey was already a step slow and now isn't stepping at all. And Blake? Serious case of Defense ADHD. Jordan's gotta force himself into the role of Tyson Chandler as a 3rd-year player, on a woeful defensive team facing the greatest expectations and hype, with Vinny Del Negro as his coach. And he's doing a pretty good job so far.

I'd also like to add an honorary nomination for the entire Philadelphia 76ers roster; although I can't find the gumption to nominate a single player (what, is Spencer Hawes finally growing a pair really that impressive?), they're vastly improved as a unit and playing above the sum of their parts by such a wide margin over anyone that it needs its own footnote. They made no significant roster changes, just gave a good coach another season to continue developing their young talent, worked hard on their games, and made the adjustments they needed to win together. They embody everything this award does, and that they've done it as an entire team makes it all the more impressive.

A few names you might've expected to see here that got the slash; Andrea Bargnani (because he was almost playing above Raptor status, God had to smite him), James Harden (as well as he's playing he kinda crashed his own MIP party too hard last spring), Jeff Teague (ditto), Jeremy Lin (because one week's not enough, even though I'm sure the Knicks' backcourt sucks enough for him to keep stylin' on 'em), and DeMarcus Cousins (when you spend an entire year hearing "oh, he's worth the headaches" you kinda just expect him to play well).

That's all for PED Watch '12. I'll be back in a few days to take some time off the poker grind and drop a live game blog (haven't figured out which one yet). I've been meaning to do one for awhile, just gets kinda overwhelming balancing several tournaments with the quad-game view on League Pass Broadband (#seizures). Anyways, til then, peace.

Being David Kahn

2012-01-27T15:46:00.003-04:00

There's a lot of confusing shit going on in the NBA this year. Granted, this was a hastily assembled season that's given way to statistical oblivion and managerial panic, but still, some things have always just managed to escape all boundaries of logic and justice.

Take, for example, David Kahn being given a job as an NBA GM. At the time, Kahn was a dual degree holder (English and Law) with an impressive real estate portfolio, who although having had spent time working for the Pacers in 90's, had absolutely no first-hand experience with any sort of basketball operations. So, of course, he was handed the keys to an NBA franchise. This made absolutely no sense and was completely unfair.

Kahn went on to perform a myriad of impressive, and equally confusing, feats over his front office tenure: A month after his hiring, he kicked off his regime by drafting three point guards in the same first round, keeping the worst to run his offense (Jonny Flynn), trading the best (Ty Lawson), then weeks later handing two career fringe starters (Luke Ridnour, Ramon Sessions) - who by sheer coincidence also happen to be point guards - like $45 million. The hits continued: taking a public spin as Mike Beasley's narcotics councilor, getting no equity from salary-dumping their best player, over-paying Darko Milicic when no one else was willing to pay him anything...These were not only impressive in that it took either a massive amount of courage or miseducation to pull them off, but the fact that Kahn was able to continuously do this without getting fired was just simply fucking incredible.

This past week was a big one for Kahn; he had to make good on just about the only thing he's done right so far as GM by getting All-Star forward (and glimmering inspiration for white, unathletic ballers everywhere) Kevin Love to commit to the team long-term. It was widely assumed that Love would be getting the same max deal classmate Russell Westbrook had inked the previous week, but in an unrivaled feat of ballsy under-valuing of talent, Kahn managed to convince Love - you know, the guy doing 25 and 15 - that he was worth relatively the same amount of money as Nene - you know, the guy having a career year at 14 and 9.

I'm at a loss here - genuinely confused - because this demonstrates more savvy than all of Kahn's previous transactions combined. He got great value on a borderline top-10 player, and while Love's opt-out clause gives Minnesota a small window to grow into a real team, they'll be better positioned going forward to lock down guys who they'll need to contend. While K-Lovie undeniably got screwed (seriously, he's working harder than anyone on that team at all times), the bullet he bit financially will reap benefits for the franchise in years to come, make him the unselfish superstar, and Kahn the.....(hold on, I need to mentally prepare myself for this).......(still not ready yet)......(ok, here it goes)...competent GM.

Is David Kahn finally getting it? Was he just playing dumb the whole time and duping rival GMs into underestimating him? Was the whole point guard thing just a sick mind-fuck? Because suddenly, Minnesota's roster - with the addition of Nash heir apparent Ricky Rubio - is exciting, (relatively) competitive, and loaded with upside. While most GMs would've thrown as much money as they could at Love to entice him to stay in a cold, crappy basketball market with no winning history, Kahn didn't lose sight of the team, and in fact put more pressure on himself to turn this team around on a tighter schedule. Not what I ever expected from someone who had the foresight to joke to reporters about the league fixing last year's draft lottery for Dan Gilbert's autistic son (and expect to not be morally raped on Twitter within 5 minutes), but still impressive.

All things said, I hope for Love's sake that this works out in his favor and he gets to reap the benefits of a successful basketball career. Up until this week, I would've said there wasn't a chance in hell of that happening with Minnesota under their current reign, but if this isn't just a momentary lapse of intelligence and cunning, then maybe Kahn isn't so dim-witted after all.

Of course, part of me is still secretly praying it is. This guy's just way too hilarious. KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNN

Watch the Throne

2011-12-29T15:35:00.003-04:00

The NBA's gone Hollywood. Big-Market teams have always prospered in professional sports, but the recent trend toward the bright lights and sandy beaches of populous locales - coupled with the notion that it takes 3 superstars to win a championship - has put teams in smaller markets at an even steeper disadvantage. Amid all the free agency insanity, blockbuster trade rumors, Twitter chatter and front office ineptitude, they remain spectators to the juicy action, shackled by trade vetoes (apparently not just by players) and limited financial maneuverability.

Despite this, underneath all the madness, in relatively humble Oklahoma City, lies the closest thing the NBA has to a flawlessly-run team. Although the Thunder arrived there through one of the dirtiest schemes in the history of pro sports, they fell into good hands; not only the best fans in the league, but GM Sam Presti, who set up a team of balanced, cohesive talent by drafting well, acquiring affordable veteran support, and having the massive fortune of Portland favoring Greg Oden. Four years ago they were bench fodder, but after a rapid ascent through the ranks, they're now favored by many to come out of a Western Conference that's suddenly having an identity crisis. Things were almost going too well...

Last night, things hit a boiling point between Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, with the two screaming at each other during a 2nd quarter timeout. Although both had typically downplayed it in interviews, a discontent between the two had been visibly brewing since last spring, when Westbrook's amazingly stubborn refusal to pass the ball to the 2-time reigning scoring champ down the stretch of close games became one of the playoffs' most talked-about stories. That this apparently-resolved issue has led to the team's two most talented players getting at each other in the 2nd quarter of the season's 3rd game sets a disturbing precedent for the rest of the season.

Give the two of them some slack; they embody a precocious team that, still among the NBA's youngest, is also among its best. But the Thunder narrowly missed out on the Finals last year in a conference that now looks like David Kahn; real weak at the top. In order to seize control of this team's momentum and truly contend, there has to be a seamless synergy between two guys who are of such importance. It already wasn't happening on the court, but the threat of it becoming greater, if it hasn't already happened, can't be risked. This isn't the first Westbrook bench outburst, nor is it the first time he's forced serious debate about his role on this team (who pulled out a win over a tough Memphis team despite his 0-13 masterpiece).

It's a difficult dilemma for several reasons; first because Westbrook is obviously a loose cannon and extremely strong-headed (aside from very good at basketball). Second because Kevin Durant and Scott Brooks, for all their merits, both seem to lack that "fuck you" meanness to put him in his place. Trading him would be an extreme measure, but again, think about what's on the line here: a shot at an NBA title. Westbrook's already a consensus top-20 talent with upside to spare, and headcase aside might have one of the highest trade values in the league. Any point they fetch in return wouldn't be as talented, but would be infinitely more likely to defer to the team's best player and be generally less volatile, toss in some perhaps-needed bench support on the wing, move Harden into the starting 5 and maybe it works.

The direction this situation takes will be the ultimate measure of talent vs. cohesion. Kobe and Shaq was a no-brainer; they 3-peated even as they seethed at each other. This could not only determine OKC's stock as a future contender, but swing the title. If Westbrook can get himself on a leash and become more of a consistent leader, then there's no reason why Oklahoma can't contend for several titles with this squad. But that will require him doing a lot more growing up this year than he's shown the potential for. He could stand to learn a lesson from the guy he's beefing with; Durant has been a model of humble, committed, and prematurely mature superstardom; a rare gem in a league cluttered by the billboards, fanfare and excessive contracts of massive markets, much like his team.

But while they're fighting for the NBA throne, Westbrook and Durant can't be fighting between themselves for the right to rule the Thunder. Something's gotta give.

After The Goldrush: Looking Back and Forward on the New NBA Season

2011-12-20T13:01:00.008-04:00

Well, it wasn't so much of a goldrush, maybe more like a pyrite rush after some of the ridiculousness we saw over the first few weeks of a belated, official NBA "offseason". It was a bizarre, hectic and in some cases league-altering couple of weeks, so now that most of dust's settled and we're just days away from what's sure to be the best Christmas ever, let's take a look back at the madness, and try to make some sense of it:

- Surely the story of the past weeks was the Chris Paul trade odyssey and David Stern's repeated attempts to get his Gaddafi on, blocking completely legitimate offers for his adopted team's prized PG not once, but twice. Finally enough league and public outcry forced him to realize he was being an irrational asshole, and he let the re-submitted deal pass. The result: the Empty Clips now look like legit homecourt threats in the West, and we've been blessed with the divine privilege of watching CP throw Blake Griffin oops all year. This trade made sense on too many levels: Paul wanted to play in LA. The Clippers had considerably the best package to offer. It would be the ultimate "Fuck You" to a Lakers team that's had the odds stacked in their favor for decades and just got denied their own shot at Paul. We now get to indulge in what could become the best highlight reel tandem ever, finally spared of an increasingly delusional tyrant's iron fist.

- Not too far behind the trend-meter was Dwight Howard's "they love me, they love me not..." trade drama in Orlando, which is making Dwight look more like a child every day, and leading me to think he'd be best off just staying with the Magic and being so close to Disney World. Dude, just be straight with Otis Smith; the poor guy already has a very difficult time with his job, and you changing your mind about your trade desires every time a Twitter follower talks you into it isn't gonna make this go any smoother.

- In missing out on CP3, the Lakers continued the implosion that seemed to have reached its peak with the their 2nd-round sweep last spring. Lamar Odom, upset that his team felt was good enough to trade for the BEST POINT GUARD ALIVE, felt betrayed and demanded a trade. So where do they send him? Obviously to the team that knocked them out last year. And what'd they get in return? Oh ya, absolutely nothing! Great move! Now the Odom giveaway has angered Kobe Bryant (who's also getting divorced and has a legion of NBA heads telling him he's not that great anymore), Metta World Peace (...really?) is dawning upon the most useless season of his career, the words "condensed schedule" might as well mean "injured reserve" for Andrew Bynum, and your nefarious, two-headed point guard demon of Derek Fisher and Steve Blake? Probably the worst in the NBA. That Jerry Buss decided to replace the modern era's greatest coach with a McDonald's mascot didn't help matters much. When the Lakers lose in the first round this year, count me unsurprised.

- I know big men are scarce in the NBA today, but was it REALLY necessary to give Nene, a guy with a heavy injury/illness record who's never been a top-2 player on his team or averaged 8 rebs/game, 14/mil a year?? Didn't we just have a lockout because of shit like this?

- Speaking of stupid contracts, Joe Dumars sealed his nosedive in complete senility last week when he spent $40million locking up his team's 3rd and 4th small forwards; Tayshaun Prince (who hasn't wanted to play in Detroit for like 5 years) and Jones Jerebko (who played pretty well for 6 months and then sat out all last year). For the record Joe, you'll be committing roughly 25% of your team's cap space next year to three reserve small forwards while your starter makes less money than all of them. It looks like Joe's trying to get himself fired, but I find it far more likely a bunch of angry Pistons fans will just put him in ICU instead.

- The Big Apple just got bigger: The Knicks have picked up Khalid El-Amin.....er, sorry Baron Davis, to shore up their pathetic backcourt. whether Baron has anything left in the tank remains to be seen, but if he can lose the In N Out addiction and his un-entitled air of accomplishment, his coupling with Tyson Chandler could take the Knicks' renaissance to yet new heights. At the very least, all the running he'll be doing in Mike D'Antoni's system should be good cardio.

- KAAAHHHHHHHHNNNN. Why did you sign JJ Barea when you already had four guards? Moreover, why did you sign JJ Barea for $20mil when you already had four guards? We knew somebody was going to overpay Barea after last year's inevitable "I'm going to play the best basketball of my career for these six weeks, sign a fat deal, then never do anything relevant again" run, but that it ended up being David Kahn couldn't have been more appropriate.

Honestly? This guy is just a moron, plain and simple. He very matter-of-factly tried to tell Chris Webber - to his face - that his career was "somewhat indicative" of Darko Milicic. Looking a 6-10 man, barely outside of his athletic prime, in the eye and insulting him like that either takes a wicked sense of humor, a massive set of balls, or the general intelligence of a retarded rhinoceros. Let's bet on the latter, and hope Minnesota stays just-un-awful-enough for Kahn to keep his job an continue blessing us with his tomes of unintentionally hilarious wisdom.

- David West also spurned Boston, in what Ray Allen called an "ego-driven" move, to sign with Indiana(right, like anyone with a fucking ego goes and plays for the Pacers). They now sport a slightly-frightening frontcourt corps (aided greatly by Mike Dunleavy no longer being a part of it), some promising young talent, and have the advantage of a solid headstart on the rebuilding effort that's sure to face many teams...Which leads us to....

THE LEAGUE IN FLUX
The ultimate effect of the lockout and its subsequent few weeks of open-market madness is that the NBA is in a state of serious transition that is sure to engulf an overwhelming majority of the league's teams. Right now, only three squads (Miami, Chicago, OKC) can safely call themselves contending teams with absolutely no reason to blow things up. Everybody else is vulnerable; that includes the Lakers, Mavs, Celtics, Spurs, Magic, Hawks, and even teams on the rise like the Knicks and Grizzlies. Plenty of other teams didn't get what they were looking for in the offseason, and still more over-rate their contention chances and feel they're "one piece away" from grabbing a Larry.O trophy that, like last year, could be anyone's. This might be most uncertain season we've ever embarked upon, and with 66 games coming in 120 days between under-prepared teams on unfamiliar schedules and regimens, with plenty of trades and free agency rumors circling like an annoying flock of shrieking vultures, things may only get crazier from here. If ever there an NBA season where "anything can happen", well this is it. Get ready to expect the unexpected.... Which is why I'm counting on the predictions I'm dropping here to blow up in my face, but oh well, what can ya do:

MVP - Lebron James. I just think he'll hungrier. He just spent a whole summer listening to people say he cost his team an NBA title, which you can trust he took much more personally than everything else he heard the summer before. Look for a serious "fuck off" statement.

DPOY - Dwight Howard. Not even gonna bother explaining this, if you don't agree, you're an idiot, on top of being wrong.

ROY - Kyrie Irving. Being Rookie of the Year is usually all about opportunity and how you respond to it. Irving will have plenty of opportunity now that Baron Davis is out of Cleveland and he'll have the point guard duties all to himself. There's sure to be a steep learning curve, but in a shallow class, there's no reason to bet against him.

MIP - Serge Ibaka. A lot of people like to overlook this, but Ibaka first picked up a basketball at age 18. That was three years ago. He's now one of the premiere defensive bigs in the NBA, has improved in bounds each season, and now as a full-time starter is primed to make "the leap".

6th Man - James Harden. This is a stretch, because a big part of me is convinced he'll punk Thabo Sefolosha's starting spot by the All-Star break (is there even one this year?). But most of me hopes he remains on the bench, where he's a dangerous 2nd scoring punch, who can also see minutes at the point and aptly playmake, because I think it makes the Thunder a better team, and so I look smarter.

COY - Fuck, I dunno, is Hubie Brown still coaching?

EAST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.Miami 2.Chicago 3.Boston 4.Indiana 5.New York 6.Atlanta 7. Philadelphia 8. Orlando

WEST PLAYOFF TEAMS - 1.OKC 2.Dallas 3.Memphis 4.LA Clippers 5.LA Lakers 6.San Antonio 7.Denver 8.Portland

EAST FINALS: Heat over Bulls
WEST FINALS: Thunder over Grizz
NBA CHAMPS: Miami Heat (let's all pray this doesn't actually happen. Last June was way too much fun)

Before I wrap this up, just wanted to offer some proper dues to a few we lost this week: Brandon Roy, who was tragically cut down in the prime of an All-Star career, Peja Stojakovic, who also retired after terrorizing perimeters all decade, and Jeff Green, the latest in a disturbing line of heart ailment suffered by NBA players, will be sidelined all season. All the best to Roy and Peja in their future endeavors, and our thoughts and wishes should be with Jeff Green and his family, that he might overcome this illness and return to the Celtics soon.

Well, sure enough, it's almost here. The regular season's tipping off in 5 days and has me sleeplessly awaiting Sunday like a giddy 5-year-old. Merry Christmas indeed everyone, enjoy the season.

VICTORY!!!!

2011-11-26T09:46:00.003-04:00

I felt like Johnny Drama waking up on the precipice of the Grand Canyon this morning.

I was (probably) still drunk from last night, feeling slightly lost and forlorn, and immediately got a call that changed my life:

The NBA Lockout, after 150 days of monotonous bullshit, is over.

I know you're probably expecting some massive write-up about how resilient the players were, how greedy the owners were or how obstinate both sides were, but I'm sorry, that's not happening. You're not getting some in-depth analysis of what happened and why, because frankly, I don't care.

What I really care about is that WE won. Not the players, not the owners, but us, the fans; the people that drive this business that was subject to such meticulous scrutiny and really make the NBA what it is. We were on the verge of being cheated out of an NBA season by trivial bullshit, and now by some act of divine intervention, we've been spared a whole winter of hockey and curling.

So crack a beer, light up a stogie (word to Red); celebrate. It's time for some fucking basketball...

It's Gonna Be a Long Winter...

2011-11-14T15:36:00.008-04:00

Well, it's happened.

It lingered in the back of our minds all last season (as incredible as it was), loomed over our heads all summer, and as the weeks and days kept counting down, all we could do was watch in disbelief, and hope, against all indications, for salvation. No such luck.

After all the closed-door meetings, hardball tactics, verbal warfare, media obscurity and other muddling bullshit, we're left with an empty void where our 2011-2012 season was supposed to be.

With the NBAPA's head in a noose, there are obviously many more questions than answers about where the league's headed, but this situation has devolved beyond any fan's worst fears. Whatever the outcome, we're going to spend the coming months listening to painful litigation quotes instead of EJ, Kenny and Chuck, seeing more of David Stern and Derek Fisher than Blake Griffin and Kevin Durant (not that we haven't enough already), impossibly trying to fill the NBA's shoes with some other sport.

As a die-hard NBA fan, it took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened here. I committed a long ago to remove myself from the lockout; to not read into the shallow and misleading quotes being fed to the media dogs outside every meeting. Basically I was in denial, but now that we've been robbed of a season, I've been served the rudest of wake-up calls. I still don't know exactly how to feel; I'm shocked, a little depressed, but most of all I'm angry. No, sorry, angry doesn't really cut it, I'm fucking livid.

What enrages me the most is what's cost us this season: rich people being greedy. The casual uneducated fan would immediately assume I'm talking about the players for demanding pay increases when they're mostly already millionaires, but no, I'm talking about the ones even higher on the pyramid; the billionaires trying to manipulate them like puppets on strings.

I'm talking about Dan Gilbert, the small-market owner taking a hard line on salaries after he blew his chance to keep a once-in-a-lifetime talent by overspending on role players. I'm talking about Bruce Ratner, to whom the New Jersey Nets were little more than a chess piece (the piece Malcolm Gladwell did for Grantland's a must-read). I'm talking about every NBA owner (and it's the vast majority of them) that inked ridiculous contracts over the past decade, establishing an unsustainable spending pattern that was either going to drive them into bankruptcy or eventually screw over the players. And eventually just happened.

The facts are right in front of us: Right now, Vince Carter (10), Michael Redd (5), and Rashard Lewis (2) are all among the highest-paid players................(ok, just wanted to give you a second to absorb the fact that Rashard Lewis is actually making the 2nd-most money in the NBA), years removed from their last All-Star game, never franchise guys. There's plenty more: Hedo Turkoglu. Luke Walton. Erick Dampier. Beno Udrih. Jerome James. Joe Johnson. Amir Johnson. Josh Childress. Eddy Curry. Andrea Bargnani. Larry Hughes.....It goes on and on. No wonder they were losing millions.

What the owners have done with this precedent is present players with an illegitimate ultimatum: either accept a lower percentage of the BRI - and thus a sizable paycut - or the vast majority of teams continue to hemorrhage money while they try to keep up. They're looking for the guys who ultimately drive their investment and determine its value to shoulder the load for their own stupidity. That's why we're not watching the NBA right now. And that's fucking ridiculous.

The owners dug their own graves, and too proud (or savvy, whatever) to accept blame, took a hard stance applying pressure on those who they saw as below them. As much as I wish a deal could've been reached, a big part of me respects the players for not giving in, and furthermore for proving their love for the game: using the lockout to throw impromptu All-Star games and charity events, trying to ensure that Basketball Never Stops.

But today, it seems like it has. Sure, we can still watch college hoops, maybe find a good site for streaming EuroLeague games, but the fix we crave as basketball fans is going to be much harder to come by as we sit through what's sure to be long, cold winter.

Hope you all like hockey.

Dream On

2011-06-13T17:31:00.004-03:00

Lebron James had a dream.

He dreamt of fame; media glory and international worship. He envisioned success; highlight reels, blowout wins, All-NBA nods and Championships. But he thought it was all going to come easy after "taking his talents to South Beach", that life was going to be a breeze with Wade and Bosh along for the ride. He was rudely awakened several times this season; by the Heat's horrible start, cohesion issues with Wade in the halfcourt, and issues closing games against good teams that plagued them right until the playoffs. But still, his dream stayed alive.

It was surely dancing merrily through his head as he basked in the media spotlight last summer, blissfully feigning deliberation while he plotted his exit from Cleveland. It was definitely consuming his thoughts when he had an Adam Morrison-esque on-court meltdown after finally beating the Celtics, in the 2nd Round. It was absolutely all he could think about a couple Thursdays ago when the Heat took a seemingly insurmountable 4th quarter lead in Game 3, and began celebrating like they were already the champs....Right before Dallas stormed back and brought Lebron's dreams crashing back down to reality where, after last night's fatal loss, they'll remain grounded.

Don't get me wrong, last night was about so many other things, but not only was watching Lebron fail extremely satisfying for someone who spent years cheering him on only to have him pull the most despicable cop-outs in the history of pro sports, it upholds justice for the good of the game.

Miami went about the whole thing wrong; they concocted a sleazy pillaging of top-tier talent (perhaps illegally), presented themselves as though they were Gods, boasted and made fools of themselves for most of the season (even when they were losing), let their coach admit guys cried after losses (now we know who), behaved like 4th graders in the Finals, and ultimately got what they deserved; a humbling loss on their homecourt to a team that wanted it more. Their entire season was a crash course in poor conduct, with James at the forefront. His Twitter was on point for once; this wasn't his time. They'll get sent back to the drawing board, and hopefully (for their sake) come back more humble and focused. He obviously didn't learn from his failure in Cleveland, or the severe lynching his image has taken this year, so who's to know if he'll get the message, or keep dreaming.

But yeah, the Dallas Mavericks! NBA Champions! Fuck, that feels weird, not only because it's never been said before, but because jokes about the Mavs choking were as longstanding a spring tradition as horrible officiating. I'm glad to see them break through, even though I've spent more time hating on Dirk than pretty much anything else in life over the past few years. He really impressed me this spring, putting his team on his back and delivering absolute monster performances, closing out games with an unseen killer instinct, battling through injury and illness, and, in contrast to the Heat, acting like a deserving champion. If you're still a Dirk hater, get over yourself, you're too fucking hard to please.

Beyond the Diggler solidifying his Hall of Fame legacy, Jason Kidd was also able to add a title to his Springfield credentials after many a playoff run; if he wasn't a wife-battering asshole I'd probably be happy for him because he's, at 38, still an amazing player. It's nice to see Jason Terry get a ring, Tyson Chandler too; JJ Barea looked like the hungriest guy out there and was a huge X Factor, so he deserves his shine. Shawn Marion's a wash 'cause he played very well, but a huge part of me can't help but feel like his locker-room diva act that forced his way out Phoenix is the biggest single reason why Steve Nash doesn't have a ring...and Deshawn Stevenson...Just hilarious...I'm putting his over-under for Lebron jokes at their postgame party around 80.

Nobody deserves this championship more than Mark Cuban though, because he's the best owner in pro sports. He was like a kid with a toy, except that toy happened to be an NBA franchise. But he took great care of it; he bought a team that had sucked ass for years, was losing its fan base, and fading into obscurity, and immediately made them relevant. Not only were they winning games, and entertaining everybody, but Cuban was drumming up publicity with his in-game antics and constant scrutiny of league policy. Sure, he overpaid players (and didn't overpay the one he should have) but he treated them amazingly well, pimped out their locker room, flew their families around, and created a winning environment that finally reached its apex last night.

Now, much like last year, we drift into an offseason of uncertainty, and its hard to fathom, but much bigger outcomes are at stake. As much as I loved watching Lebron's dream die, I can only hope it's not too long before he gets to chase it again.

The ReBirth of Dirk: Back to the Finals

2011-05-26T18:42:00.007-03:00

June 24, 1998;

The soon-to-be-vacated GM Place in Vancouver played host to the NBA Draft; one that would produce a multitude of success stories such as Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, and of course, Michael Olowokandi. Somewhat buried in the annals of franchise-altering horrible trades was one that went down that day; the Milwaukee Bucks snagged German 7-foot prospect Dirk Nowitzki with the 9th pick, and shipped him to the Dallas Mavericks with Pat Garrity for 6th pick Robert Traylor. The Bucks took the loser's end hard, as Traylor's career buckled before it ever took off, while Dallas rode Nowtizki's revolutionary play to a decade's worth of playoff appearances. The tragic part about Dirk's success was that it never seemed to come when it mattered most, and the Mavs flamed out in the playoffs, year after year.

A tragedy of a much greater magnitude took form on May 11th, when Traylor - who had been plagued by conditioning issues throughout his career - suffered a fatal heart attack at his Puerto Rico apartment. Around the same time, the Diggler - who had been plagued by playoff invisibility issues throughout his career - began an all-out assault on opposing defences that's forced even the most jaded Dirk hater (me, in case you're wondering) to admit that he's playing the best basketball in the NBA right now, leading an emphatic charge into the Finals.

Now, by no means am I trying to claim that some preordained supernatural bullshit is connecting these two incidents. Nor am I even suggesting that Traylor's passing made a light go off in Dirk's head that produced this devastating blitzkrieg. But the irony of this timing can't be ignored, because Nowitzki is suddenly playing playoff basketball with a sense of something he's never grasped before: urgency. He's 32, and been in the NBA for 12 years; he saw the window closing and knew this was the time to go all-out with the best team he's ever played on. Dirk spent years listlessly drifting through the playoffs; sure he scored in bunches, but he hardly ever served his opponents with the vicious killer instinct he's displayed these past few weeks. The kind of mentality that evokes not only respect, but fear.

The Mavs now roll into the Finals, looking to avenge the collapse that has marred their last decade's success, against the (well, not really) same team that buried them. While they have depth and experience on Miami for days, the Heat just beasted the team that was probably best equipped to defend them in the NBA and are looking very serious. Miami (obviously) owns the edge at 2 & 3, and although that's about all they have going for them, stopping Lebron & Wade (I'm not going to mention Bosh because as impressive as he was against the Bulls, Boozer was a bum, and Nowitzki is going to destroy him, like confidence-shattering ownage) - by anyone's measuring stick, two of the top five players in the league - when they're this close to a title is going to be very f***ing difficult, especially for a team with only two serviceable defenders to throw at them.

The key to this series figures to be the ability of Dallas' offensive secondary to offset the LeWyane Effect. If guys like Barea and Terry, and Marion can overcome what's sure to be a stifling defensive effort from James and Wade, and provide Dirk with consistent scoring support, then Dallas will be tough to beat. But what I can't get out of my head is how the Western Finals were essentially decided by OKC repeatedly shooting themselves in the face down the stretch of close games, while the Heat closed out several games with crippling 4th quarters, forcing silence upon all those that criticized their clutch factor this season. Which is what's forcing me to believe that despite Dirk's emancipation, the Mavs are, once again, about to come up short. I really hate saying this (even if it validates my preseason prediction): Heat in 6. It's a shame the title celebration won't look this stupid.

For All The Marbles: Game 7

2011-05-15T14:39:00.005-03:00

In what's been a nothing-short-of ridiculous postseason so far, we've somehow managed to claw within hours of the Conference Finals without getting to check out a Game 7. Something had to be done, and stepping up to answer the call, as they did when we needed someone to force a triple-overtime thriller, and humiliate the Spurs in the first round before that, ladies and gentlemen; The Memphis Grizzlies.

It's Win or Go Home for both them and the Thunder, and Banter's crack team of resident hoops junkies have assembled to break down (and make fun of) the action. For this afternoon's Game Notes, I'll be joined by my boys The General; Official Thunder Bandwagon Captain, Streeze; Isaiah Rider enthusiast and Blue Chips extra, and Goodie; ruthless high-post assassin, and the subject of a $900 swing dependent on this game's outcome (let's say he's not rooting for the underdogs). The stakes (among other things) are high at Banter HQ, but nowhere higher than Oklahoma City Arena (...Really? That's the best name you could come up with?). Someone's going to end a season today, let's see who's got it in them:

The General: I'm expecting a big game from Kevin Durant...(If Westbrook passes him the ball)

- Meanwhile, Z-Bo's rocking a scowl in the shootaround like he just got told his contract's been voided. Kendrick better watch out.

- Kush in the air, time for tipoff. Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo (seriously) back in the starting lineup.

General: (on OKC's first possession) This is a good sign, Westbrook's touched it twice, and passed it twice

- Apparently, I'm the only one of us cheering for the Grizz, who've beasted their way to an early 10-8 lead. Gasol = The perfect center for a team named after a bear.

Goodie: (on OJ Mayo's real name) Was the " J' " really necessary? Like, "Anthony" is a real name...

Streeze: (on Zach Randolph's recent contract) God he makes so much money...Outside of basketball....Moving drugs.

- Memphis is bringing it early on the road; Conley buries a nice reverse lay-in to put them up 13-8 at the first break.

- Question of the day: What to do with Rudy Gay? (what do you say?)

- Doris Burke is wearing a totally horrifying outfit. It's like she realized Craig sager was stepping his suit game up a bit and saw a niche opportunity. Seriously, Don Cherry looked better last night.

- Kendrick Perkins is being completely overwhelmed by Gasol on both ends.

Streeze: The way he runs, no lumbers, makes me think he won't be around in ten years.

- Durant's doing his thing at the line (go with what works...), OKC up 21-17 as the 1st closes. Memphis and OKC are 7 and 8 for 22 from the field, respectively.

Streeze: How much do you think the people sweeping the floors get paid? I'd probably pay them to do that and get those seats.

- "Running Down A Dream" plays during the pre-break highlight reel. Streeze: Nobody on these teams listens to Tom Petty. Except maybe Nick Collison.

- Daequan Cook, welcome to the Mike Miller Club of wide-open jumpshooters who can't hit wide-open jumpshots. Goodie: When all you do is shoot how can you not just master the dribble-release?

General: Eric Maynor or Steve Blake?

Streeze: Blake was garbage this year... He just put on a headband and missed threes.

Streeze lightens up the commercial break: Which white player in the NBA do you think gets the most ass? General (immediately): Birdman...But Jimmer's gonna get the most handjobs.

Goodie (10 seconds before Westbrook sprints through Memphis on the break and hits KD for three): They're such a better team when Westbrook can get loose in transition

- OKC up 10 halfway into the 2nd; Memphis leads playoff teams with 3 wins after trailing by doubles in the 2nd half, so the Thunder had best not get lazy, or things are going to get unpleasant for me.

Perkins turns the ball over and blows a gasket;

Streeze: God, When you run out of milk, and you're Kendrick Perkins' wife... you're terrified

- As Westbrook careens out of control into Shane Battier, we get curious and find out that GRANT HILL of all people, at 38, after injuries robbed him of a first-ballot Hall of Fame career, put his body on the line to draw the charge more than anyone in the league this year. Way to go.

- Durant makes icy 30-footers look way too casual. 40-29 OKC, 2 left. "Goodie's paying for a stripper if OKC wins". Just a casual Sunday afternoon.

- Durant with 18 in the first half, leading OKC to a 42-34 edge. The Westbrook Factor's been minimal: 7 assists/8 shot attempts = series high.

- From Twitter: "At 3 AM, in a dimly lit bar, Tony Allen's jumper would still go home alone"

- Me (on that fucking stupid T-Mobil ad with that dweeby white rapper): I hate everything about this. Everything.

Streeze: What he said...Makes me wanna pull a Plaxico Burris and shoot myself.

- Ovinton kicks off the third by getting under Westbrook's skin and drawing a T, then burying an icy jumper; 42-38. Goodie (on his beard): Harden's grandfathering you.

- Goodie's financial implications are now visibly wearing on his tone when he sincerely asks Russell Westbrook to "please, stop dribbling".

General: I heard they're trading Cold Aldrich and Daequan Cook for Dwight Howard

- Memphis, after a 3-assist first half, is getting back to what won them games and moving the ball well for an open Conley 3; 52-49 OKC

- Durant buries a bomb from 3 to put the Thunder up 8. Streeze: He's got swag for sale today

- Memphis keeps trying to hit home runs from 3. They need more doubles.

- Durant buries another bomb from 3, after Harden beats the shot clock with one, and the place goes buck as a 14-point hole forces a Grizzlies timeout. Westbrook's a bucket away from a triple double.

- James Harden is the most popular guy in this room as he keeps Memphis in their 14-point grave going into the 4th.

- OKC's bench holds serve to open the 4th, keeping the lead at 14 and sending Randolph to the bench lookin' like Charles Barkley after a Pizza Hut buffet.

- The crowd enthusiasm from the Thunder is amazing; They're all on their feet chanting "O-K-C!" with 8:30 left. Say what you want about how they got them (and there's plenty to be said), but these fans deserve this team.

- Russell Westbrook just notched the first Game 7 triple-double since Pippen in '92. #wow

- Memphis gets bailed out by a rare case of good officiating after a faulty shot-clock violation, but OKC's stellar post defense turns them away again. Still down 15 with 6 to go.

- If there was any doubt left, James Harden just killed it. Up 19 with 2:32 left, the Grizz are Thunderstruck.

- Durant leaves to a standing O; why not, he just killed the biggest game of his career on the heels of one of his worst.

- Book the win; 105-90. Durant = The Man. Westbrook = The Unsung Hero. Goodie's Wallet = swole.

Before we get onto the Conference Finals, a quick requiem for the Memphis Grizzlies; a team that wasn't supposed to do anything this year, was home to a midseason-card-game-brawl, lost one of its best players, and oh, only beat the best team in the West and came within a game of doing the impossible yet again. Enjoy your summer boys, if anyone's earned it, you guys have.

The NBA: Where Insanity Happens

2011-05-10T14:21:00.005-03:00

...And you thought it was over when the Spurs got bounced in the first round. Nah, just the beginning... This past week has been one of the most exciting, hectic, and generally inane 2nd Rounds ever, with players, coaches, and refs alike joining forces for some wildly unpredictable and dramatic basketball. Let's try and get to the bottom of all the madness:

I'll be short with the Lakers/Mavs series since the media's (understandably) already covered every angle of this utter disaster and shoved it in our faces more than the Royal Wedding. Take nothing away from Dallas; they played excellent ball against a team with whom they matched up favorably. But their stock's being inflated, just as Boston's was after they swept the Knicks. The Lakers erupted into a complete mental meltdown the likes of which have never been seen by a defending champ; their entire season was soap opera of bickering and inconsistent basketball, and it caught up to them at the absolute worst time. While the next team the Mavs face won't be as talented, they'll be infinitely more focused and less exploitable. Things won't be as easy.

Getting on to last night. David Stern's gotta be thankful he doesn't pay his guys overtime.

The Celtics/Heat game was 3 quarters of intense, competitive basketball that led to 12 minutes of Miami surrendering every possible opportunity to be put away, and failing to be obliged. The Celtics uncharacteristically fucked themselves in the neck over and over: missed layups by Rondo and KG, rushed jumpers by Delonte and Jesus, two completely retarded ("Sorry for using the R-word") turnovers, and of course, the most disastrous play ever executed with 18 seconds to save your season. Although Lebron had an absolute monster game, and was huge down the stretch, his triumph over the TD Garden was aided by the un-officials, who let him travel to a crucial hoop, and blew the "charge" he drew on Pierce from 5 feet away. The NBA: Where Critically Bad Playoff Refereeing Happens! Now taking their talents to South Beach in a 3-1 hole, the Celtics are almost certainly finished, but after everything else we've seen this year, who really knows?

The lackluster disappointment of the first game set us up for what would prove to be the playoffs' most thrilling contest. OKC clawed back from the most horrid first quarter of the postseason, digging out of an 18-point hole before surrendering 3 overtime periods, and finally evening their series. What a f***ing game. A few random thoughts:

- Bone-headed officiating struck again when three of them were staring at a monitor for several minutes trying to make sense of the Harden/Mayo out of bounds fiasco and still screwed it up. I'm astonished that of the dozens of cameras within ten feet of the play, that there wasn't a better angle to show.

- James Harden's grown into his new role better than anyone could've expected, learning on a much steeper curve than his first 1.5 seasons, and making himself a mortal lock for next year's Sixth Man award if he doesn't just command starters minutes by then.

- Speaking of guys who carry themselves like veterans, Greivis Vasquez is the man, even if his flukey 3-ball made Wade's earlier one look calculated. If you don't agree, well, fuck off. He's in the NBA, and you're probably not.

- Mike Conley very much might've cost his team a chance to go up 3-1, taking a dumb three off a broken fast break with 17 seconds on the shot clock in an obvious timeout scenario. There's the good question why OJ Mayo wasn't in the game, but what can't be argued is that's not $8mil/year decision making.

- ...and speaking of decision making, Russell Westbrook's absolute refusal to pass Kevin Durant the ball has become one of the more intriguing subplots of this postseason. Sure, it got them back into last night's game, but it also likely cost them games 1 & 3, and it's only a matter of time before Durant starts defending Westy's drives in a effort to get the ball. Scott Brooks: Earn your money and put this guy in his place.

And finally the insanity continued with Kobe Bryant (?!?!) being named to the All-Defensive First Team on a complete reputation nod, most likely by the same coaches that put Tim Duncan in the All-Star Game. further analysis reveals more stupidity: that Luol Deng was not only snubbed, but apparently a less valuable defender than Derrick Rose (again, ?!?!), who was inexplicably the closest cut from the teams.

The pandemonium looks to continue tonight, as the Bulls try and rise above Josh Smith's endless barrage of questionable jumpers. Who knows what we're in store for...

My Words Taste...Bitter

2011-05-05T13:18:00.006-03:00

I ate my own words last night.

It was really uncomfortable.

Not only was I tied up and force-fed, but they went down about as smoothly as a day-old donair and rested twice as bad in my stomach. I felt like throwing up all night and hardly slept.

The Dallas Mavericks, and in particular Dirk Nowitzki, did what I couldn't have fathomed last night; sweeping homecourt from the Lakers with a decisive win that left the two-time champs reeling. Disco (and unlikely sidekick JJ Barea) buried LA down the stretch with a series of cold-hearted daggers; Kobe was beside himself, Pau was (predictably) helpless, hell Jack Nicholson was losing his cool. Boos rained down from the Staples center while the "favorites" put themselves in a crippling hole against, of all teams, the one with the most troubling past of playoff collapses.

Game 2 forced us all to wake up to the reality that these are indeed a new Dallas Mavericks; now fortified by likely the best defender they've had in the past decade, they've started to adjust and be able to win games without consistent scoring depth. They still have a decent corps of guns that can punish a sleeping defense (see: last night), but these Mavs have adopted a defensive toughness unseen in the past, and it's made them a completely different team in the playoffs. Their history was so deep that their playoff success was one of those "see it to believe it" type phenomena. Well...Believe.

The odds and momentum are heavily in their favor. We've seen this movie before, but there's likely a plot twist or two in store.

Fight For Your Right! Sacramento and the US Get Theirs

2011-05-02T13:44:00.008-03:00

What a glorious Monday!

I say that somewhat facetiously because a) it's Monday, b) it's really shitty outside, and c) I just had a week in Vegas get thwarted (the post from the Bellagio sports book would've been something else...). But last night marked the culmination of the most epic wild goose chase of all time; the US finally tracked down Osama Bin Laden, and gave him what was hopefully the slowest death possible. Any day marking the end of the most heinous terrorist alive is one worth celebrating, and although this completes the prime objective of the vague and much-sidetracked "War on Terror", it hardly eliminates the threat that looms worldwide. We can only pray that the images of 9/11 remain horrifying memories that are never re-lived, and that those who have to live in constant fear of violence can be liberated by this endeavor.

On a much smaller scale, but still importantly, today also marks a massive victory for small-market NBA teams, as the Maloof brothers have agreed to keep the Kings in Sacramento for at least the next year while All-Star turned Mayor Kevin Johnson tries to cobble together the cash to keep the team around. The Maloofs say they were swayed by fan support and enthusiasm from several local wallets, but the Commish could have also -to a certain degree- finally put his foot down against owners being idiots with their money and shipping a franchise to the most attractive market to stop the bleeding, leaving a city of pissed-off fans and making everybody look bad. In either case, what was once the Association's most rabid fanbase can attempt to hold onto their only major sports team (hell, even their WNBA team folded) and find a new arena.

Aside from being a nice moral plus to a league that's never long on good PR, the non-move sets a valid precedent for owners, fans and local authorities. Hats off to KJ and his band of local businessmen. It's the closest save in recent memory, and proof that the right combination of enthusiasm and money can save a team from stupidity and greed. Well, unless this happens.

Back on the court, the 2nd Round got underway yesterday, with the Heat and Grizzlies pulling out impressive wins, with slight assists from some bad officiating and worse crunch-time decision making from Russell Westbrook;

Becoming the first 8-seed to first strike blood in Round 2 solidified Memphis as a threat. They frustrated the Thunder on D, moved the ball extremely well, and got a truly scary performance from their post duo. I immediately regret saying what I did about this series being a walk, but I also seriously doubt OKC will play worse than they did in Game 1 for the rest of this series. Westbrook was simply atrocious down the stretch, turning the ball over whenever he wasn't forcing bad shots and freezing out KD, who you know, only went on a personal 14-4 run to win their last game. No biggie.

Boston looked gassed against a Heat team that came out with too much intensity, and too much Dwyane Wade. A lot was made of Wade's regular-season struggles against the Celts (and his consequent 3-hour pregame shootaround), but he completely torched them yesterday, and harassed Ray Allen on every cut. The Celtics' D keyed in on him too much, leaving James Jones open for the easiest 25 points of his life. The story of this game was of course Pierce's questionable ejection, which punctuated a scrappy game and set the tone for serious rivalry. Furthermore, it highlights a league-wide crackdown on players' emotions that's, honestly, pretty f***ing stupid. Stupid, not only because of situations like this where a team's go-to scorer sat out the final minutes of a playoff game on a bad call, but because NBA basketball, especially in the playoffs, is an emotional contest that thrives off of players being 100% invested in the game. Putting the players on such a short leash, under constant scrutiny for getting into it with each other, can't be a healthy trend for a league facing a lockout.

But all complaints aside, today's about something bigger than basketball. Justice and a purpose were served in high order when Bin Laden took the Big L. Hopefully it's not the last step towards eradicating the type of hatred that continues to breed conflict.

The Show Goes On

2011-04-30T12:24:00.004-03:00

12:15 pm; Sat, Apr 30; Banter Headquarters (my living room couch):

Roommate: What games are on tonight?

Me: (dejected)...none.

Roommate: Dammit. I was kinda planning my day around that.

Me: (increasingly dejected)...Guess we're hittin' the Palace early.

We're all gonna have to find another vice this evening. Deprived of playoff ball for the first time in two weeks, it's looking like a more standard Saturday night. A not-so-fast but definitely furious first round came to an equal parts unexpected and awesome conclusion last night, when the Memphis Grizzlies finally took down their first playoff series, likely driving the final stake into the Timmy D Spurs' coffin. While San Antonio and Orlando have a few extra weeks to stare at the drawing board they're now facing, the teams that upset them look to keep their slim title hopes alive as the curtain draws on the Second Round:

(1) Chicago Bulls vs. (5) Atlanta Hawks

Count me among the many who are absolutely astonished that the Hawks are still alive. I was just wrong. Wrong about The Collins Effect. Wrong about Atlanta's bench. Wrong about the Magic being the more motivated team. That being said, there's a large gap between a sketchy 4-seed that's played up and down all year, and the 1-seed who just faced a feisty open-round foe and made most of the important playoff-type adjustments in their first test. The Hawks don't match up terribly with the Bulls, but having no answer for Rose - either on D or as an opposing gun (don't give me any of that Joe Johnson bulls***) - will hurt mightily. Chicago's a much more sound defensive unit than Orlando, and if the Hawks are unable to score more than they did in Round 1, an offensive powder keg like the MVP could be enough to blow this one open.

Bulls in 5

(2) Miami Heat vs. (3) Boston Celtics

This series is going to be, by far, the best of the 2nd round. For so many reasons. Not only does it figure to be the most competitive from a basketball standpoint, but it also pits Lebron against the team that ended his Cleveland era in the most depressing way possible, and wages the battle of Good vs. Evil in NBA. Everyone knows the Heat; an arrogant trio of young superstars copping out to the fast-track to the Finals. Meanwhile, Boston's stars came together to fight for an elusive title after 10+ years of loyal soldiering. They Did the Right Thing; sacrificing their own games for the team's sake, having each others' back, making those around them better, playing every playoff game like a Game 7. They're the anti-Heat, and as such, 90% of the World will be cheering for them.

Either way, this series looks to go seven. It'll be the most top-heavy team in NBA history, vs. depth and balance, swagger vs. playoff savvy, ambition vs. pride. The Celtics know their time is now; that their Big 3 are all at 100% is a slight miracle, and with Rondo clicking, they look much better than they did in March. Their obvious concern is a certain #6; the one who's no doubt revenge-hungry and a threat to keep their best scorer on his toes every possession. Pierce covered Lebron very well in '08, but since then he's just gotten older and Bron's gotten better; it will be different this time around, especially with Wade looming. Both are capable of winning games on their own, but will need to thrive in the halfcourt together to win; something they've struggled with all year. The key to this series figures to be Chris Bosh; KG is his Jason Voorhees of potential playoff matchups, and a lack of consistent production from him could tip the scales Boston's way. JO's done an admirable job of defending the rim from a wheelchair, and if he can reasonably imitate Perkins' role, the Heat's inability to crack the Celts' D, combined with a lethal dose of kiddie-pool shallowness, should finally vindicate us from the Heat Wave.

Celtics in 7

(8) Memphis Grizzlies (!!!) vs. (4) Oklahoma City Thunder

'Nuff respect to Memhphis. Their 2nd-best player went down and they still pulled off a historic upset against the Spurs of all teams. That's f***ing awesome. I'd love to be blissfully ignorant and realistically act like they're going to beat OKC, but I feel like they'll have to settle for winning my fandom, because the Thunder are going to work them. There were 3 keys to Memphis' upset: Gasol and Randolph wore the thin front line out; Conley broke Parker down off the dribble a lot; Memhpis' frantic, energetic defense rattled the Spurs' collected attack. All 3 of those factors play right into OKC's strengths, as Westbrook is a nightmare to beat, Ibaka/Perkins are probably the best/toughest defensive post combo in the NBA, and OKC's a young team that will beat your press and punish you in transition. This is where Gay's absence will bite them; despite being an excellent defender, Shane Battier's not long or athletic enough to stop the Durantula; look for the venom to act quickly.

Thunder in 5

(2) Los Angeles Lakers vs. (3) Dallas Mavericks

Dammit, almost thought we had it: matching Spurs and Mavs meltdowns in the first round (too much, I guess). But Dallas showed some playoff grit one time and recovered from a laughable 4th-quarter collapse to close off Portland in 6. They addressed some early flaws, not much unlike the Lakers, who appear to have re-gained some of that championship poise that's eluded them most of this season. They'll have to be hungrier than against the Hornets, as Dallas matches them much better than in previous years: they have two defensive bigs to throw at their feared front line, and a versatile swingman to contend with Odom/Artest. Meanwhile, Dirk gets to face the only 4 in the West who might be softer than him, and Jason Kidd draws his easiest defensive matchup of the postseason. Still, the Lakers, even at 90%, figure to be a tough draw. Gasol's found a perfect target to regain his offensive edge, the Lakers' bench in far more stable than Dallas', and then there's Kobe Bryant (oh yeah, him) who's DeShawn Stevenson's best series away from single-handedly ending the Mavs. (Seriously, how many times will Bryant casually isolate JJ Barea anywhere inside 25 feet before Rick Carlisle completely yanks him? I'm guessing 2nd quarter, Game 1)

Lakers in 6

Grizzly Watch! Game 4 in Memphis

2011-04-25T21:01:00.010-03:00

"It is the biggest game in Grizzlies franchise history. A chance to take a 3-1 lead against the #1 seed San Antonio Spurs." - Ernie Johnson

That's why we're here. Let's get into it.

- I spend the 15 minutes prior to this game privately freaking out because "Women's Hockey" is listed on the channel this game's supposed to be on. Canadians love their puck, but my cable company's certainly capable of f***ing this up. Luckily, they did.

- The early talk in the TNT studio surrounds Kobe's bum ankle and the MRI he's apparently forgoing. "Will Kobe sit out?" I'd lay similar odds to those of Sean Elliott hitting a game winner for the Spurs tonight.

- Tipoff! Bias alert: I'm openly going to be cheering for Memphis all night; They're an 8 seed who's never won a playoff series and they're playing the NBA's version of the Patriots; how do you root against them?

- Eva Longoria's ex-husband is torching Mike Conley early, with 8 of the Spurs' first 10

- Marc Gasol: strong case for Most Redeeming Toss-In From a Horrible Trade Ever

-Spurs are clicking early offensively after that first turnover; Timmy D buries a fallaway over Gasol to put them up 16-9 as Lionel Hollins calls for time.

- "In the NHL, you have to win 16 games, JUST to win the Stanley Cup" - Steve Kouleas. Thank you for that oddly-enunciated obvious observation. Really hard-hitting s***. I don't even like hockey, and I'd love to jersey that guy and fishhook him.

- Randolph gets the ball on the block amid 3 defenders and goes to the line. A quick player profile comes up on the screen: "Team Role: Own the Paint". seems about right.

- the Grizz are opening things up a bit, causing turnovers, pushing in transition, and trying to take the Spurs out of their game, so Popovich promptly calls his first timeout and calms things down.

- Sugar Shane Battier is owning George Hill right now, but the Spurs' hot shooting and Memphis' turnovers have put the Grizz down 26-21 after 12 minutes.

- The Grizz's youthful bench is making the Spurs' old legs run more than they'd like to be; Greivis Vasqeuz hits a huge 3 to tie things up at 28

- After a Spurs airball, OJ Mayo comes right back for a transition layup; Grizz up 2, crowd officially losing it. After how much sucking these fans have been through, the energy inside the FedEx Forum tonight could probably cause a nuclear meltdown.

- Richard Jefferson forces a layup through 2 defenders that sails over the backboard and out of bounds, touching nothing, and falls on the landing. Awkward Shot of the Year? (not involving Javale Mcgee)

- Tony Parker's on fire; Tony Allen is not. 35-32 Spurs at 6:40

- Gasol is giving the Spurs all kinds of problems on the boards, challenging for every ball. He's tipped at least 3 to open guys with absolutely no position.

- Tony for 3! Still hasn't missed. He's officially stolen "Pretty Tony" back from Toney Douglas, even if he made the reference more fitting.

- Gasol grabs an offensive board and feeds Mayo for an open 3. Body Up.

- Mayo gets loose and throws down a nice reverse off a beautiful backdoor feed from Z-Bo. Don't worry, you'll see it on SportsCenter.

- Antonio McDyess, he of the veteran sagacity, picks up a foul trying to contain Gasol and fires his mouthguard at the bench. T-bomb.

- Timmy looks tired, straight up. He squares up and loses the ball trying to move to the hoop; he never does shit like that, this is Tim Duncan we're talking about. Farmer's bet he'd rather be matching up with Pau right now.

- Lionel Hollins to Tony Allen "Stop shooting the fucking ball! You're awful!"*

*slight paraphrase

- Manu goes behind his back more than Tony did to Ms. Longoria, finding Parker for two on the break

- Mike Conley doesn't check the clock in time and sends the Grizz into the half down 50-48: San Antonio's shooting like 94% so 2 points isn't that discouraging. Parker's the only one in double figures....with 19.

- For a guy who spends his regular season shoulder-to-shoulder with Jack Armstrong covering the Raptors, Matt Devlin's found himself a cushy playoff gig; it's kinda like Damon Jones always having those great All-Star seats

- Memphis is attacking the Spurs, posting up Gasol and creating a lot of contact down low, to the tune of 3 fouls in the first 2 minutes, and better yet, a 7-0 run.

- Timmy loses the ball on a double-team. The crowd amps it up a notch; the camera cuts to Pop with a rare "Fuck My Life" look on his face, and complete pandemonium erupting around him.

- Confession: the Talking Ball that sounds like Shaft where JR Smith nails a 3 at the end is a pretty decent ad.

- Grizz are on a 14-0 run, the Spurs are handling the rock like a nervous crack fiend, with Memphis playing the swarming cops.

- Gasol, still wreaking havoc on the O glass; rips the rock away from Timmy D and scores. His effect on this game can't be understated. If I was in charge of the Jumbotron/speakers at FedEx arena, I'd have one of these on cue to play every time Tim Duncan did anything at all.

- Smothering D + efficient scoring = Memphis leads by 13 after 3. Suck It, Spurs fans.

- Darrell Arthur delivers one of those "more than two points" buckets, putting a huge swat on Parker, then outrunning the entire break to catch on oop on Bonner's head, put Memphis up 16, and send the crowd to Isaiah Rider heights (interpret that either way you'd like).

- New Most Hilarious Thing Ever, just discovered while Wikipedia-ing Isaiah Rider on commercial. "Oh you got Dana Barros AND Cedric Ceballos on the track?!?!" I'm so buying this on eBay.

- Spurs down 18 with 8 left; luckily, Brandon Roy's playing on the other channel.

- Sugar Shane hits a 3 to bring the lead to 20 at 5:40. I'm more burnt out than Timmy right now, but I'm still cheering at my TV by myself.

- Danny Green appearance = game over.

- "All I Do Is Win" blares on the speakers as the Grizz book the 104-86 victory, and unless San Antonio can do something that's only ever happened 8 times, after being totally owned in the second half, their season will end in the first round. Who needs Rudy Gay?

The Playoffs: Expect the Unexpected

2011-04-25T16:46:00.006-03:00

If you didn't believe before that my timing was terrible, my last post should bury your cake in the proverbial icing. Portland, down 18 entering the fourth and showing very scarce signs of life or competence through 3 quarters, decided to go on a series-altering, against-all-odds run against my least favorite player as soon as I turned the TV off. In the process, they made me look like an idiot, not only for giving up on them, but on Brandon Roy, who clearly had much more to contribute to this team right now than I, or Nate McMillan, gave him credit for. (Cue the music).

As a result, the meltdown-prone Mavs are now deadlocked with a team that has all the momentum, and the the sudden swagger that only a 20-point 4th quarter comeback can inspire. That Portland was playing well below their potential for 3/4 of Game 4 and still managed to pull off a W is a testament to just how frail this team is. Their sudden first-round vulnerability is but one of many potential upsets that are giving this first round some serious watchability. Really, who ever thought NO/LA would be 2-2? Or that ATL would have the Magic on the ropes? Just crazy.

The only team through to the second round so far is the one that everybody was condemning heading into the playoffs: Boston dealt with the Knicks in short order, but those who are ready to put them back into the contender bracket on the heels of this sweep need to chill. While the Celts did get solid contributions from all their key guys (and have Rondo back in Elite Mode), their sweep was about as unimpressive as they come. Game 1's victory was as much due to the refs and Melo as it was anything Boston did down the stretch. Billups sat out Games 2-4, and Amar'e played through an injury that severely restricted him, eroding what was already that shallowest roster in the Playoffs. It would've been a joke if they won a game, which almost happened twice.

Aside from Boston's cakewalk, the other top-tier teams look to be showing a little rust. Memphis is just straight up beating the Spurs at their own game. Chris Paul's reminding everyone that the MVP isn't even the best point in the league. Miami closes about as well as a drunk idiot at a lesbian bar. Whatever the next few rounds hold, it's shaping up to be very compelling. Corny as it may sound, this is really anyone's trophy to win, and from the looks of the first ten days, it may just come down to who wants it the most.

Watch out for Thorns: Back at the Rose Garden

2011-04-23T16:49:00.007-03:00

I kicked off my last post with a bit about how shitty my timing was, and how excited I was to finally get to enjoy every second of playoff basketball, now that it's finally back. Well the Gods are either mocking me, or my karmatic vibes are coming back around for all the merciless Dirk hating I've done. Sure enough, my cable company's inept accounting department has cut my service for an allegedly "overdue" bill that was paid four months ago, leaving me in a nomadic trek between my parents' place and nearby bars, watching when I can, not enjoying things like I should be. I feel like Drew Gooden.

Today, I've decided to kick back at the parents' pad for Game 4 of the Mavs/Blazers opening rounder, a great matchup, turned Brandon Roy soap opera (more on that in a second), and my only upset pick in the first round. Despite their 2-1 lead, the Mavs haven't looked to be decisively in control of this series, and still look vulnerable. I wouldn't be surprised if this went back to Dallas knotted up, but this is also coming from the guy who thought the Knicks might stand their ground at MSG last night; hopefully the Blazers can make me look slightly less stupid.

Before we get into the thick of things, much has been made of Brandon Roy's tearful outburst over a lack of playing time, with many stances being taken on his comments. It's a difficult and delicate situation, and Roy has been through hell trying to get back on the court. But the sad reality is that this team made the playoffs without him, centered around LaMarcus Aldridge, and developing roles for other players. For Roy to return and expect to attempt to re-gain a rhythm, against a superior team in a playoff series, taking minutes from the guys who got them there, on two paper mache knees, if his coach doesn't feel comfortable with it, is unreasonable. Roy's an incredible player if he's healthy, and showed flashes of it in Game 3, but regardless of his former status, and heroic return, his minutes can't be pre-ordained right now.

Anyways, with that out of the way, on with the show...

- Catching the end of this Pacers meltdown is the most hilarious bonus coverage ever. Up 15 with 2:15 left. Up 1 with 15 left. With your season on the line. Joakim Noah just got left open enough for him to break an inbound play and drive for an and-one from 18 feet. Just unreal.

- They finally wake up, defending like madmen on the final Bulls possession and forcing a Carlos Boozer 3 (career 1-9) for the tie. Now, instead of pondering whether this was a good shot, let us wonder why one of the best offensive rebounders in the NBA was straddling the 3 point line, when a quick put-back would've been crucial. Such a shitty way for an awesome comeback to end.

- We've entered The Garden. Ya, after the dud the Knicks threw down last night, Portland's stolen "The Garden" from them, meltdown pending.

- Toss-Up: Wesley Matthews dropping 22 in the first half again, or Jason Kidd dunking on Marcus Camby?

- Deshawn Stevenson's carrying the offensive load early with two treys; 8-4 Mavs at 6:30

- Wesley Matthews promptly shuts me up with an icy three-ball.

- Matthews again, walking right through 4 Mavs in transition. Maybe Kidd's been on Air Alert?...And put on a couple inches?...And owns a time machine?

- Tyson Chandler was possibly the most under-rated player in the NBA this season. For all the (deserved) hype Dwight got about his defense, Chandler was the backbone of an equally atrocious group of perimeter defenders, disrupting penetration and waxing glass all year. He's been huge early.

- A perfect storm of passive offense and solid D, with a touch of sloppy play, has produced a painful first quarter; 16-11 Mavs after 1. 12 combined turnovers. Barea and Matthews have the only field goals in the paint. Good times.

- Barea knows no fear! Really though, his aggression against Portland's bigs is impressive, especially for a guy who makes Eric Murphy look like Arvydas Sabonis.

- Brandon Roy watch: 0-5 early, all jumpers. If this were the regular season I'd have no problem, but this just isn't the time to try and shoot yourself into a rhythm.

- More jumpers for Portland: 5-21 early, they trail 22-13 at 9:05

- Barea keep getting to the hole but the Blazers body up; first a Roy charge, then a Camby swat

- Hard Stojakovic foul on Roy going to the hoop. He seems shaken up, but I have little faith that Peja can hit this guy hard enough to take him out

- Dirk Diggler with a fading, off-balance jumper over two defenders, off a spin into the lane. I wish I could find Nowitzki (for some reason) climbing out of a zoo bearpit, so I could re-enact Wes Mantooth's "I HATE YOU!...But dammit, I respect you" speech. And then push him back in.

- Ason Kidd's putting in a decent campaign to have the "J" returned to his name. Take Wilt's 100, Oscar's season-long triple-double, and shove them; the most incredible stat is Kidd being 3rd in career 3's. I find that completely incomprehensible, somebody with connections is lying.

- Tyson Chandler: perhaps not the guy you want to run your offense through. Though, the way Portland's looked so far, he'd make a great PG for them. 35-27 Mavs at 3:30

- Aldridge turns upcourt, runs straight into Chandler's elbow and gets up in his grill. Chandler raises his arms and walks away. So Aldridge shoves him. Well, that was perfectly reasonable. 'Couple technicals.

- The scrappy play continues as Dirk and Miller fall to the hardwood fighting over a loose ball. Dirk: "So THIS is what playoff basketball's like..."

- Great team play from Portland: Aldridge deflects a pass, saves it to Matthews, who hits Wallace for a nice oop in transition....Matthews again! Suddenly the Blazers are alive and within 4.

- With Dallas' offense on life support, Portland closes the quarter on a 10-2 run. They trail 37-35, and their best player's been a complete non-factor so far; this is very winnable.

- Chuck on Carlos Boozer: "The key to life is knowing your limitations". How many times have those words found their way out of his mouth at the Palms?

- Dallas has 2 points off 8 turnovers and hasn't been to the line as the third quarter begins. Yikes. This game's been a struggle offensively.

- Both teams come out with more jumpers; watching Gerald Wallace settle for a pull-up is like seeing a girl with an amazing butt in really loose sweatpants.

- ..."the other balls" aren't the only ones you kill. Every time you're on TV, we all die a little inside.

- "J"ason Kidd wets another three, the kind that hurts your ears from the mesh twanging so close to the mic.

- The Blazers are 0-7 from the field this quarter and trail by 9, but Chandler just picked up #4 at 7:20

- More J's for the Blazers. (haha, seems about right) Now 0-9, down by 15. At least they're in bonus now so they might be able to get something going at the stripe.

- Dirk bangs a 2nd chance 3; Portland needs to wake the f*** up.

- Portland, again, gets no penetration and settles for a 3 from a streaky shooter (Nicolas Batum) who's hit nothing all day. Somebody, please slap these guys.

- Portland then has Aldridge BACKING DOWN JASON KIDD on the block, who against no double, kicks it out for another missed 3. 0-12.

- Ok, we're down to under 3 minutes. Portland has yet to hit a field goal in this quarter, in 14 futile attempts (now 24% for the game). As much as I wanna see Dallas lose, that seems highly unlikely now, and seeing them go a whole quarter would be really funny.

- Conversely, Peja bangs another 3, the Mavs are 8-14 from deep

- Finally Aldridge catches the ball deep and nets the field goal Portland needed 10 minutes ago, off the look they should've been exploiting the second Chandler hit the bench. Instead, they listlessly drifted the quarter and Trail by 18 heading into the fourth. I'm going to grab some beers.

Azienda: Ready to Rock Sundance 2012

2011-04-20T12:21:00.005-03:00

Independent filmmakers from around the world flock to the snowy slopes of Utah every January for the Sundance Film Festival; some to spectate and celebrate, others looking to break onto the scene, and a select few who have managed to turn their visions into reality will be showcasing their work.

Of the countless films premiering at the 2012 festival, few will have the story behind them of Azienda; a twisting tale of deceit inside a mob-connected family. Shot on a shoestring budget by my boy Josh Webber and Michael Girgenti, the film was almost de-railed when a scary speedboat crash during filming brought a real-life brush with death, and took most of the equipment and footage down with the ship.

In a testament to their ambition, the young filmmakers - obviously phased - got right back on track, going at their project with even more focus: "We were able to do a lot of things better the second time around; it was a setback but it made us hungrier", Webber explains. They spent months living and breathing Azienda, flying between LA, New York and Chicago to finish what they started; the film miraculously will still meet its Sundance 2012 premiere date.

The trailer looks compelling and very polished for a film that was entirely indie; if it's any indication, the boys should have a hit on their hands. To find out more, check out http://www.aziendathemovie.com/

Game Notes: Knicks @ Celtics, Game 2

2011-04-19T19:26:00.008-03:00

If you looked up "bad timing" in the dictionary, you'd find something about a Blue Rodeo song, the Adrian Peterson who plays RB for the Seahawks (the one who you need to type "other Adrian Peterson" to find on Google), and a picture of me running after a bus in the rain or something.

Very rarely in my life do things line up conveniently for me to indulge in basketball the way I'd like, but with school having ended last week, my bartending gig not starting til next week, and the US government going all Monty Burns on my other line of work, I'm suddenly left with the most free time of the year when I need it the most; the hectic 2011 Playoffs kicked off with the best opening weekend in recent memory, full of upsets, game-winners, and huge performances.

One of the highlights was a highly-contested tilt at the TD Garden, that saw the Celts narrowly escape thanks to Ray Allen, after they spent 3/4 of the game in limbo, almost got the game handed to them by the refs, then had Carmelo finish the job. Tonight's slate of three Game 2s kicks off with their shot at redemption; a chance to sting the Knicks at home and re-assert themselves before traveling to hallowed Madison Square Garden, where playoff excitement is sure to be at a fever pitch. Can it live up to the excitement of Game 1? Let's join EJ, Kenny and Chuck...

- Billups is out, so is the jury on whether (Pretty) Toney Douglas can step up...definitely better defensively against Rondo, but Billups' presence as a floor leader might be missed

- EJ: "(D'Antoni) says if it comes to it, they'll continue going to Carmelo"

Charles: "That's why they're gonna have a new coach next year"

EJ: "Well statistically he's the best closer in the NBA over the past decade..."

Charles: (interrupting, looking puzzled) "....is Kobe Bryant dead?"

- A Knicks fan walk smiliing into the Garden with a #3 jersey. I've got 3:1 on Starks, 5:1 on Williams, and 577,000:1 on Marbury

-Tipoff! Rondo sends a bounce pass to some photographers on the first possession.

- Landry Fields bricks two free throws as Steve Kerr notes that he's fallen out of his flow since Anthony's arrival. Coincidence?

- The Knicks are attacking the rim early; JO's holding it down. Donuts still at 10:30

- Fields nets the first goal; oddly enough a fast break layup off a beautiful outlet from Anthony

- Pierce gets mugged under hoop, loses the ball, which falls to JO, who gets swatted by 'Melo; lotta contention early....until Rondo severs through the Knicks' D for 2 easy transition layups

- An open Ray Allen floater from the elbow; might be the safest 2 points in this game...As I type that, Rondo slices his way to another uncontested layup

- Douglas abuses Rondo, but Pierce gets his back with a huge rejection, setting up Rajon on the break. Next play, he gets Douglas back, sending him to the bench with foul #2, and although Rondo at the line's a worst-case scenario, he's a monster right now

- Rondo beats the Knicks back on D for an open layup off the outlet. I think I'm getting delirious and rewind the DVR to double-check. OK, that actually just happened again.

- 3 commercial breaks in; I've yet to see the talking ball or time-travel home video ads. This is awesome news, let's see how long we can keep it up...

- Back to the game; Knicks have Bill Walker on Rondo now, who immediately gets beat for another layup. Boston steals the ball and gives the guy a much needed rest. Enter: Lebron James' quasi-stepfather.

- Glen Davis takes a shot in the face from Melo; you'd think he'd be watching that sort of thing after the last game...

- Still clear on the Unbearable Commercial Watch; also no Craig Sager sightings yet, which is somewhat disheartening; David Aldridge is like 1/250th as hilarious

- Anthony Carter hits an open look...wait a fucking second, Anthony Carter's still in the NBA?...and I thought Shaq was due for the glue factory...

- Melo abuses a double team with the shot clock winding down, banks an and-one from a very tough baseline angle, and gets a two-for-one. Not shabby.

- New York closes the quarter on an 8-0 run, but still trails Rajon Rondo 23-21

- *sigh*....Finally, we get a Talking Ball ad. I don't know if I'm thankful for going a quarter without it or just more annoyed by the delayed inevitable. What I do know is that if you gave me 30 seconds and a hit of salvia, I could come up with a better playoff ad campaign.

- Jeff Green finally gets some burn. I wonder if Danny Ainge ever wondered in the 5 minutes between drafting Green and trading him for Ray Allen: "In 4 years, I'm going to get this guy back for my 5th-best player, and it's going to make my team indisputably worse".

- Rondo's back in the game, going to-to-coast and drawing the harm. Given the way the rest of his team's shot so far in this series it's hard to blame him for not passing.

- Unbearable Commercial Watch: we've still been spared the time-travel ads, which although higher-concept and what some would call poignant, are infinitely stupider, and surprisingly crappily edited. Nobody relates NBA excitement to some crazy old man creeping out a high school kid.

- Jeff Green cleans up an ugly Pierce brick amid 3 blue jerseys; maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him; knotted at 28 with 8 to go...Green promptly picks up his third foul and forces JO to remove himself from his sideline ice chamber (drawing a delay-of-game after 4 minutes) and re-enter. Seriously, he looks like Dr. Freeze.

- Garnett nails a long jumper to bring Boston within one after a long 3 from Melo. The cameras shift to him on the ensuing timeout; on cue he begins screaming and flailing his arms. I love his intensity, but I can't help but be reminded of those corny shows where people fight meter maids.

- 6 Breaks in: still no time-travel, only one talking ball. #Winning

- New York's just murdering the glass; 20-6 over the last 10 minutes after a Stoudemire tip-in

- Rondo gets another layup; Boston leads the fast-break scoring 16-2

- The Knicks get another second chance but can't convert, and trail 38-37 because they're pulling a very convincing Butler Bulldogs impersonation this quarter

- Another talking ball; at least this one isn't a shitty comedian with a crush on Dwight Howard.

- Wide-open layup for Big Baby; I'd love to see Boston's shot chart. If I was Mike D'Antoni my entire halftime speech would consist of showing that diagram with the hoop completely covered by green dots, followed by ours with a bunch of mid-range red dots. And stand there silently.

- Injury update: Amar'e on ice? @KnicksBasketball#FYL

- Despite this unsettling development, Melo's come out huge and led NY to a 45-44 lead at the half with 16/10/4. Rondo's pacing Boston with 18/3/3, but the rest of their team seems out rhythm offensively. The Knicks almost seem to unintentionally making Rondo scorer by default; bodying up everyone else like the Spurs did to Steve Nash in the semis a few years ago and making it harder for him to create. He scored 40-something. In a loss.

- Interesting fact: Charles Barkley does not have a "Round Mound of Rebound", "I'm Not a Role Model", or any other tattoo. Even when school ends, the education continues.

- Amar'e's (man that looks awkward) back spasms are being treated, Knicks trainers are "optimistic" he'll return. No shit.

- Melo's consequently got the green light to start the 3rd. NY wastes his first jumper on a D3.

- Rony Turiaf steps out of bounds trying to save an airball. I've seen some animated gestures from refs, but I've never seen one Harlem Shake along the baseline.

- The Knicks continue to allow Ray Allen to shoot uncontested 17-footers for some reason

- Melo tries a "F*** you, I'm scoring" iso-jumper over Rondo, who gets the ball back and weaves into the D to find Pierce for a trey-ball. 12-3 run to start the quarter,

- Unbearable Commercial Watch: Ok, we're into the third quarter, and still no time travel ads. I'm beginning to think I might realistically get through an NBA game without seeing one of those annoying pieces of crap for the first time all year. #ReallyExcited

- Toney Douglas for 3 to beat the shot clock; he's been decent tonight, you know, aside from letting Rondo beat him like his child.

- Melo bombs another 3, but it's again wasted when Bill Walker shoves Allen under the hoop. T-bomb. Melo looks like someone at airport security just found weed in his bag.

- Stop talking about hockey during a basketball game. I know you're not Canadian, you don't get it, but you're preaching to the wrong fucking choir.

- Uh oh. Boston's moving the ball now and Jesus is looking holy (4-4) from long range. 65-61 Celts. The "optimism" regarding Amare's (I'm limiting one ' per word) back isn't helping much right now.

- Carmelo already has a playoff career high 14 rebounds already, which has come in handy...

- Flo Allen makes her token appearance; apparently she ran the Boston Marathon yesterday!! Good for her!!

- The bomb drops: Amare's not coming back. Down nine with 1:28 in the third. You need to win: Dig deep.

- The Knicks respond by getting stripped on the baseline; Pierce buries a contested turnaround: Dig deeper. side note: Paul Pierce might be the best set shooter since Hal Greer. Kevin Love gets more elevation on his J.

- Melo draws a cheap foul to get to the line and bring NY within 7; 3-4 inches on a 60-foot heave from Walker would've made it 4, but they're still alive heading into the 4th.

- "Sooner or later, we're gonna end up behind bars...But not todayyy (or for another 1-2 subpar sequels)" - Vin Diesel

- Melo stays in Beast Mode, grabbing his 17th board for an and-one putback. #RedeemingYourGame1

- Pierce buries another J to keep Boston up 6, but Melo keeps attacking, drawing the foul for his 10th & 11th free throws, then gets another transition bucket off a KG miss....Soon after he picks up his fourth foul: Kerr "I think at this point, you've gotta leave him out there". You think?

- Me: I haven't seen a time travel ad yet, I'm really happy about it

Roommate: I think they're gradually replacing them with those talking ball ads

Me: (belatedly coming to this realization) I can live with that.

Here's a good one: an hour of watching those ads on repeat, or an hour of sober sex with the most unattractive person you've ever drunkenly hooked up with (and yes, she's staying, and making you cook breakfast). I'd take the sex in a second, and I've made some poor choices in life.

- The Celts swarm Melo; he leads a beauty down the lane to a wide open Turiaf. Melo's hit some difficult shots, but creating offense for Rony Turiaf, that's truly impressive.

- ok, Carmelo Anthony is just in the fucking zone right now. 78-76 Knicks.

- 2nd chance points haunt the Celts again; Pretty Toney nails a 3 to give New York a one point lead. #LosingYourReligion

- Rajon Rondo has 12 fields goals; all of them in the paint. If his team were beating a 6-seed without 2 of their best 3 players right now, I'd call that damn impressive.

- Rondo, on cue, hits a jumper from the top of the key to put Boston up 2. He now has 30; a new playoff career high.

- We get our signature KG hustle play, diving on the floor for a jump ball like he was 10 years younger...too bad the possession results in a Rondo 3 attempt.

- The shot clock's winding down! Nobody's open! Never fear, Carmelo Anthony's here! He's got 42, and all the respect he might've lost from media haters after Game 1. Knicks up 91-88

- After Pierce hits two at the line, the teams trade duds for a few plays until KG gets the feed for a momentous, lead-taking dunk.

- Mikey D takes a timeout, and rightfully so, his last two possessions resulted in shots that were uglier than the girl I'd make myself bang to avoid watching the time travel ads.

- Jared Jeffries (!!!) to the rim, Knicks back up by 1

- KG puts Jeffries in his place, isolating him on the low block and hitting an icy hook.

- New York with the ball, down one. I wonder where the ball's going?

- The Knicks run a nice play to draw Melo's double away from the hoop, but a combination of KG's brilliant defense and Jeffries having no hands leads to a turnover, a timeout, and after they inexplicably allow the Celts to dribble down the clock, the end of the game.

Marv calls the loss "disheartening". Melo looks understandably deflated. What he did tonight was almost transcendent; he kept his team alive in a game they had no business winning with a stunning offensive assault. The Knicks must regroup and hope their injured stars can heal in time for them to shine at the Garden. The Celts escaped another close one: they lead 2-0 but by the slimmest of margins. They'd be wise to stay alert and work on the glass; it almost cost them a game that would've been humbling to lose.

It Begins...

2011-04-15T12:37:00.006-03:00

So the regular season's over. Blake Griffin's going to be on TV less, but just about everything else about this transition in the 2011 Playoffs is going to make for more entertaining, and simply better basketball. While MJ and Prokhorov duke it out for lottery status, the real fight for the NBA crown looks as volatile as ever; a new favorite seems to emerge every couple weeks as teams slide in and out of Beast Mode (Lakers, Heat, Mavs), get shot in the foot (Spurs), or shoot themselves in ass (Celtics). The opening round should be a revealing couple of weeks (ya, it's gonna be a while), much will be unveiled about how these wayward contenders respond to the playoff pressure. I tried getting a hold of Tracy McGrady to find out exactly who was going to win, but he's been screening my calls, so here goes nothing: Banter's First Round predictions...

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Chicago Bulls (1) vs. Indiana Pacers (8)

Playing the role of "Eastern Lottery Team that Stumbled Into the Playoffs Despite Itself", the Pacers will be in over their heads against a Bulls team that outmatches them across the board and defends their key positions extremely well. Nobody on Indiana can even fantasize about containing Derrick Rose, and if he can exploit the Pacers' average-at-best perimeter D with the ease he's been getting accustomed to, this series will be quick and painful. Maybe the dogs get lucky and steal one, but Indiana doesn't have the firepower to overcome Thibodeau's vaunted defense.

Bulls in 4

Miami Heat (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7)

Well, this is it; it's time for the Heat to really show us which of the two teams they oscillated between this season will show up for the postseason. Their first opponent is a cagey defensive team that doesn't mind running (sound familiar?) but will be severely handicapped by their lack of an offensive answer for Chris Bosh (without even mentioning LeWyane), but their underrated bench could cause some problems against Miami's Ke$ha-esque shallowness; maybe even enough for a W.

Heat in 5

Boston Celtics (3) vs. New York (6)

The Knicks are back in the playoffs, and as a homecoming gift, drew the top Eastern seed that's been actively self-destructing since Danny Ainge's awkward Deadline faux-pas. Boston's been doing their best Hank Moody impersonation since Mid-February, but they still match up favorably against New York. What remains to be seen is how well they can defend the rim without Perkins lurking in the trenches. The Celts' mid-range defense is still outstanding, but if Melo and Stoudemire can get to the hole, Krstic and half of Shaq will have their hands full. The Knicks could steal a couple, especially at the Garden against a team that's still finding itself, but Boston's too well-rounded for a first-round collapse.

Celtics in 6

Orlando Magic (4) vs. Atlanta Hawks (5)

We saw how this played out last year. Granted, the Magic are a totally different team, but Atlanta hasn't done anything all season to suggest they're any better all season. Joe Johnson's been underwhelming. Josh Smith might've hit his ceiling. Al Horford's been quietly spectacular, but will have to play the best ball of his life and take out one of Dwight Howard's legs to get the better of him. If there were an award for Listlessly Talented Team That Has No Chance of Overperforming in the Playoffs, they'd win it. Which is why they're going to lose.

Magic in 5

WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Antonio Spurs (1) vs. Memphis Grizzlies (8)

Despite being a 1/8, this could be one of the more interesting opening-round series. San Antonio's walking wounded (Ginobili=out for Game1, Duncan+Parker<100%) and Memphis boasts a not-all-that-shallow-anymore bench and can grind in the molasses-pace halfcourt the Spurs play. Ginobili's convalescence is the key; Memphis has found ways to score without Rudy Gay and can steal Game 1 without him, but it's hard to see the Spurs losing; they're too deep, smart and experienced to fall this early.

Spurs in 6

Los Angeles Lakers (2) vs. New Orleans Hornets (7)

After Bynum's false alarm, the Lakeshow appears to be back on schedule to murk the West-less Hornets like one of those blue zap-lamps, and send the NBA media into a "When Will David Stern trade Chris Paul to the Knicks?" speculation frenzy. Despite Carl Landry's best efforts, this team is too thin beneath Chris Paul to fuck with the two-time defending champs. LA, much like Miami, has had trouble deciding whether they want to be brilliant or awful this season; look for this to be a statement series that they're not to be taken lightly.

Lakers in 4

Dallas Mavericks (3) vs. Portland Trailblazers (6)

(Upset Alert!) Because I've gotta go with one, Portland's probably the most underrated team in the Playoffs, and the Mavs are an easy target for a first-round collapse. Dallas has been wildly inconsistent this season, prime to be caught off guard by a team that's suddenly healthy and both deep and talented enough to cause them a lot of problems. Dirk cannot defend Lamarcus Aldridge, who's comfortable enough on the elbow to make Tyson Chandler's help irrelevant. Brandon Roy could probably put up 20 on the Beaubois/Barea/Terry/Kidd backcourt in a wheelchair. Camby/Wallace is probably a better defensive-specialist/wild card combo than Chandler/Marion. Maybe the Mavs bring their game faces, but a team with a long history of playoff meltdowns, who hasn't brought in any established postseason performers, shouldn't be counted on for it. Portland can do this: Make Greg Oden proud.

Blazers in 6

Oklahoma City Thunder (4) vs. Denver Nuggets (5)

A lot of people are talking up the Nuggets and their post-Melo success like they're some sort of Dark Horse contender out West. I think those people are on acid. Denver's young and talented; they have an intriguing roster with depth to spare, but they lack many essential playoff ingredients: Nobody on their team (with the exception of Kenyon Martin, and possibly Nene) has played meaningful playoff basketball. None of their players are consistent go-to scoring options. Speaking of which, they have nobody to stop Russell Westbrook or Kevin Durant (if you have HD, you'll probably be able to see Durant's eyes twinkle when he catches Gallinari alone on the perimeter), and the Ibaka/Perkins monster makes OKC a much more formidable defensive foe, one that Denver will have a much tougher time beating at their own high-octane game. The Nuggets played the Melo deal perfectly; they coyly baited a desperate team with valuable assets, like a trampy gold-digger marrying some terminally ill 80-year-old gajillionaire. They came out of it looking as good as possible heading forward, but this isn't a team built to win in the playoffs, especially not against OKC: your REAL Western Conference Dark Horse.

Thunder in 5

The 2011 NBA Awards (or at least how they should be)

2011-04-09T12:33:00.007-03:00

I wish I could plan an awards show for the NBA. It would kick so much ass.

I'd start by scrapping the voting process, assigning 25% of the vote value to the players, another 25% to the coaches (applying the "other team" rule), and the remaining 50% to media members, pending the results of clinical bias and GED exams (we need to weed out whoever gave Mike Bibby, Sam Cassell and PJ Brown MVP votes). Those who passed would be required to sit at the front of the crowd during a televised ceremony, and hold up their vote as the award is announced, Slam Dunk Contest-style. Everyone's accountable.

Next, rent out some sick Las Vegas venue, the MGM or something, because this is a celebration, and if you're gonna do it big, that's where you go; a bigger party makes for a more entertaining show. The invitation list would be far from exclusive; obviously all the players and staff, owners and friends, relevant celebrities, former players and superfans (I see you Nav Bhatia! ), but let anybody with the dollar who enjoys the game come be a part of it. Make this the biggest fucking party in the World; get Patron and Grey Goose to sponsor, have bars (with waterfalls) everywhere, hire a few roadies under the table to hand out illicit substances in the bathroom, dancing ladies, fireworks, the whole nine. David Stern would fire me immediately.

Obviously, EJ, Kenny and Chuck would host, with Craig Sager roaming the crowd to harass the attendees, contractually obligated to change suits every commercial break.

The show gets set off with a performance from Deadmau5, with Lupe and Kid Cudi on the mic to set a hype mood. TNT's Big 3 are introduced for a brief comedy intro (you know, where the hosts make fun of people in crowd and they pretend to find it funny 'cause they're on TV while throwing a mental hissy-fit) before getting down to business....

The evening's first two awards are given out Miss USA-style to acknowledge the All-Rookie and All-Defense teams, with the players being called onstage for recognition before the nominees get read:

All Rookie - Second Team: G-Greivis Vasquez, Grizzlies; G-Jordan Crawford, Wizards; F- Patrick Patterson, Rockets; F-Paul George, Pacers, C-Greg Monroe, Pistons

First Team: G-John Wall, Wizards; G-Landry Fields, Knicks; F-Blake Griffin, Clippers; F-Ed Davis, Raptors; C-DeMarcus Cousins, Kings

Evelope please, onto the first award...

Rookie of the Year, presented by Tim Duncan and Darko Milicic

Nominees: John Wall, Washington Wizards; DeMarcus Cousins, Sacrameto Kings; Landry Fields, New York Knicks; Greg Monroe, Detroit Pistons

Winner: Blake Griffin, LA Clippers

The crowd gives him a hearty, yet subdued ovation; one that's slightly muffled by this award having been decided in December, unlike those that so many of his electric dunks evoked. He calmly struts to the stage and accepts the award with Ray Allen-like class, thanks his teammates, family, fans, God of course (he makes no mention of his coach or owner...), formally apologizes to Gallinari and Mozgov, and tells us he's "just getting started" before popping out the mouthguard and sliding off stage.

As a tribute, Griffin's highlight reel from this season runs, beginning with a few nice finesse plays, building up with some nice transition dunks, and gradually ascending towards his truly humiliating facials (showing live reactions from his victims out in the crowd on a picture-in-picture). The hour of footage might be the most entertaining of the broadcast; it's shame it had to come so early. Oh well, on with the show...

Before DPOY, the All-Defense teams get their due:

Second Team: G- Chris Paul, Hornets; G-Andre Iguodala, Sixers; F-Luol Deng, Bulls; F-Tim Duncan, Spurs; C-Tyson Chandler, Mavs

First Team: G-Dwyane Wade, Heat; G-Rajon Rondo, Celtics; F-Kevin Garnett, Celtics; F-Josh Smith, Hawks; C-Dwight Howard, Magic

Defensive Player of the Year, presented by Bill Russell

Nominees: Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics; Tyson Chandler, Dallas Mavericks; Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks; Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Winner: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

Another landslide winner, Howard's all smiles as he hits the stage, especially giddy to be handed the trophy by the greatest defender who ever lived. He leans in to shake Russell's hand, but is met with an icy grip, and the smile quickly fades from his face as Russ shoots him a scornful glare. They awkwardly man-hug for appearances' sake, when Russ, out-of-touch with technology and unaware that his mic hears every word, whispers "Stop being so f***ing friendly to the other team. They're your enemies. And you know they get the ball back every time you needlessly swat it into the stands right?" Howard seems stunned as they part ways, Russell glaring in disdain over his shoulder as he exits stage right. Dwight, appearing shameful and sheepish for the first time in his life, says nothing and shyly saunters offstage. It's sad, but somewhat appropriate, as Howard quite literally had nobody to thank; he was the Orlando Magic's defense this season.

The mood gets lightened by some uplifting music courtesy Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg, dropping several blunts per song while they move the crowd. The atmosphere immediately improves, which is a nice interlude to the next award;

Most Improved Player, presented by the homeless dude the Cavs hired for their play-by-play

Nominees: Dorrell Wright, Golden State Warriors; LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trailblazers; Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls; Demar DeRozan, Toronto Raptors

Winner: Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves

In a category that had so many worthy contenders, it took something historic to set a guy on the lowly Timberwolves apart. The place goes bananas as K-Love, wearing jeans and a "Numb#rs" t-shirt, also accepts the "Best Unathletic White Guy" and "Unlikely Fantasy Monster" awards. Several posses of nominated players begin fights in the crowd, including Master P and Lil Romeo brawling with Michael Beasley and David Kahn (who actually holds his own, landing a few solid hooks). The beef's understandable; this was a heated category, by far the toughest decision this year, but regardless of how shitty his team was, Love's leap from bench utility guy to franchise player couldn't be ignored.

The next segment honors Javale McGee, the Washington Wizards center who made it to the Dunk Contest with his fearless, irrational, and hilarious forays to the hoop, and almost won the damn thing. The big screen displays his Greatest Hits (most of which are Misses), while R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" plays gently. Everybody gets a great laugh, and Craig is of course there to embellish upon every minute of Javale's misery. (I'd be crooked not to admit that this video was entirely my buddy Potter's idea, but it had to be a part of any legitimate tribute to the NBA season)

The next musical interlude comes courtesy of Rihanna, followed by Drake; the two join forces in between for a brief medley of "Whats My Name", during which Drizzy finally breaks down tells her everyone on the planet knows her name and to please shut up.

Sixth Man of the Year, presented by Gary Sinise and Paul Giamatti

Nominees: Jason Terry, Dallas Mavericks; Jamal Crawford, Atlanta Hawks; Marcin Gortat, Orlando Magic/Phoenix Suns; George Hill, San Antonio Spurs

Winner: Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Lakers

In a year many contenders spent lots of time starting for injured teammates, Odom made the most of Andrew Bynum's annual breakdown and was a model of consistency and hard work on a Lakers' supporting cast that fluctuated all season. He's (naturally) accompanied to the stage by Ms. Kardashian (who manages to snag half the camera time), and tries to get a few thank-yous out, but has a hard time keeping a straight face amid a downpour of perfume-commercial-related verbal barbs from some buddies out in the crowd.

The mood then turns somber for a tribute to those we've lost since last season: John Wooden, Manute Bol, Lorenzen Wright, Mel Turpin, Shaquille O'Neal... a moving couple of minutes.

Coach of the Year, presented by Gene Hackman and Samuel L. Jackson

Nominees: Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs; Doug Collins, Philadelphia 76ers; George Karl, Denver Nuggets; Nate McMillan, Portland Trailblazers

Winner: Tom Thibodeau, Chicago Bulls

Thibodeau is curiously absent from the ceremony (rumored to be studying Lakers game tape), so Bulls GM John Paxson accepts the award on his behalf: "Landing Tom was a miracle for us; needless to say he worked out a little better than our last coach. He took a talented bunch of players and brought out the best in all of them, adjusted through injuries to key guys, and kept them focused on a goal that exceeded all our expectations. In his first year on the job." Couldn't have said it better.

Prior to the MVP, the All-NBA teams get some respect, being introduced in an All-Star starter-type spectacle with Kanye and Jeezy dropping "Amazing":

Third Team: G-Russell Westbrook, Thunder; G-Rajon Rondo, Celtics; F-Pau Gasol, Lakers; F-LaMarcus Aldridge, Blazers; C-Al Horford, Hawks

Second Team: G-Chris Paul, Hornets; G-Kobe Bryant, Lakers; F-Kevin Durant, Thunder; F-Kevin Garnett, Celtics; C-Amare Stoudemire, Knicks

First Team: G-Dwyane Wade, Heat; G-Derrick Rose, Bulls; F-Lebron James, Heat; F- Dirk Nowitzki, Mavs; C-Dwight Howard, Magic

The stage then clears for the moment everyone's been waiting for...

MVP, presented by Michael Jordan and Charlie Sheen

Nominees: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic; LeWyane Jade, Miami Heat; Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

Winner: Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

As Rose, the youngest MVP ever; clearly humbled by this honor, gets up to accept, a highly inebriated Stan Van Gundy rushes the stage and attempts to steal the trophy, screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs while security removes him. After the brief interruption, Rose says all the right things and leaves to the clicheed "MVP!" chant from the crowd; only this time its legitimacy resonates much deeper. "Why not me?" he asked back in November; seemed crazy at the time, but he backed up every bit of it; his entire team rode his swagger and poise all the way to the East's #1 seed, while he created most of their offense and played out of his mind when they needed him the most; whether during injuries to key guys or against their toughest opponents. The "rose is all in" adidas ads that have been running all night are no joke, he gave the Bulls an incredible season.

The evening concludes with David Stern making a surprise appearance onstage, thanking the fans for their ongoing support, and announcing that there won't be a lockout next season. Or at least that's how it should be.

Place Your Bets! The 2011 Championship Gambling Guide

2011-03-14T18:40:00.008-03:00

Few things are certain in life. Death, taxes, the changing of the seasons, and the Toronto Raptors sucking are pretty much the only things we can count on for sure. In every other situation, life's wild variance pitches us an extensive range of possibilities that provide excitement, uncertainty, and the unavoidable gamble. This applies to the chase for the 2011 NBA title; while the Lakers have established themselves as prohibitive favorites, the contenders have been up and down all year, and several teams from both conferences think think they can bring the two-time champs down. The contender debate has as many sides to it as we've seen in recent memory, but as we close in on the postseason, here's Banter's official 2011 Championship Gambling Guide:

Dead Money - Putting any kind of bet on these teams winning the title would be like setting money on fire - only setting money on fire wouldn't get your hopes up, waste your time or make you look quite as stupid:

Denver Nuggets - After getting beyond the soap opera that consumed most of their season, this might be one of the best cores of young talent in the NBA going forward. They have depth at multiple positions, an enviable glut of athletic swingmen, some decent contracts, and one of the league's best coaches. That being said, right now, despite their huge wave of momentum, they're a slightly-mismatched bunch who were just thrown together, lack any playoff experience, and don't have a takeover player who can win them tough games down the stretch. If they go in the first round, count me unsurprised.

New York Knicks - This time last month, there was much buzz in the Big Apple; ambitious fans and media gawking about Amar'e and Melo scaring the East's elite in the playoffs. Optimism faded quickly when the team went into a complete nosedive before last night's gutsy win against Orlando, in which Anthony completely destroyed a helpless Hedo Turkoglu (see below) in the second half. While New York is 7-4 against winning teams since Melo and Chancey arrived, they gutted their roster and are a few quality pieces away from contention.

Orlando Magic - Dwight Howard is an awesome player, by far the L's best defender, if it weren't for Derrick Rose, maybe an MVP. What surrounds him is a bunch of players who, on rare occasion, are all clicking together and can run with anybody. Most nights, they are too inconsistent on offense and too inept on defense to suggest they'll go deep this year. Howard gets hung out to dry too many times; racking up fouls on help D after (insert name of shitty Magic perimeter defender) got beat. This will cause massive problems for them in the second round, where their season's likely to end.

In the Money: With the pretenders out of the way, we can dive into the teams that could actually, legitimately, maybe win a championship this year. Starting with the long shots (for all you reckless degens), and working up to the odds-on favorite, here's a look at what kind of bets you might want to be taking:

Oklahoma City Thunder - I was considering lumping them in with the pretenders until they pulled off the Perkins deal and look very scary. Their youth in mind, they showed last year that they can overperform on a big stage, and now have the best post D combo in the West, along with James Harden's sudden channeling of Michael Finley circa 2000, to complement the MVP-caliber duo of Westbrook and Durant. They now officially look like a team that could make noise, with upside to spare. Said upside, of course, if what's separating them from looking like a serious contender. They're still very young and untested by playoff rigors; don't forget how Durant crumbled against LA last year. They could make a run, but place bets with caution and a heavy dose of optimism.

Odds: 9.5-1

Boston Celtics - The Celts looked like they could win it all; on cruise control despite a horribly unhealthy lineup, depth, experience, poise, and a thirst for revenge after how close they came last June. Then Danny Ainge committed GM suicide and traded one of his team's core competencies (a solid defensive anchor/answer for Dwight Howard) in a dice roll that really hasn't been panning out. The Celts look just awful, and Rajon Rondo's nagging finger injuries have seen their best player playing inconsistently while his team copes with a new identity. Chicago and Miami are streaking on easy schedules to higher seeds, while the once-favored Celts' chances of even making it out of the East look grim right now.

Odds: 8-1

Dallas Mavericks - This isn't your older Mavs. They're a lot tougher defensively (especially if they get Caron Butler back) and can comfortably slow down in the halfcourt; by definition more suited to playoff ball. Despite Cuban's storied history of assembling postseason bombs, this team looks tougher and has a number of guys who can get buckets if Dirk has one of his patented (play)off-nights. Peja was added for nothing, Barea's been hot, and Butler's a potential 20-point scorer when healthy. On paper, they look very tough. But on the court they arouse doubt for several reasons; to name a few: Jason Kidd's a phenomenal playmaker, but he's also one of the worst on-the-ball defenders in the NBA and his lack of lateral movement gets exploited every spring. Dirk Nowitzki's an incredible scorer who drags big men far out of their comfort zone, but he also routinely disappears from big games and isn't a much better defender than Kidd. they give up way too much size whenever Beaubois or Barea are at the two (which they often are). Their biggest scoring threat in the post is (no kidding) Brendan Haywood. This is a team that can be very dangerous when playing optimally, which they displayed impressively early in the season, but have had a tough time keeping up with...and lost to the Lakers by 30 last week.

Odds: 6.9-1

San Antonio Spurs - Well, it hit. That wave of injuries that everyone kept eerily suspecting was going to hit the Spurs finally did, and couldn't have come at a worse time, or to two more crucial players. Suddenly, San Antonio's limping into the playoffs with yellow flags everywhere. They looked sat comfortably atop the West all season, and in very un-Spur-like fashion, are crumbling down the stretch and are in danger of losing their 1-seed. Any kind of bet made on the Spurs requires a steadfast belief in the ability of Manu, Tony and Timmy D to handle heavy minutes and the pounding of a more physical playoff game. It's never smart to count the Spurs out, but with all three of their stars playing hurt, they're not the team that coasted all year.

Odds: 5.6-1

Chicago Bulls - What Chicago did to the Eastern Conference this season was similar to Marlo's uprising in The Wire's 3rd season; he came out nowhere and rolled up on an unsuspecting crew who thought they had it made, establishing himself as the man. But his meteoric rise inspired envy and suspicion; the kind that put targets on him from multiple hunters and ultimately brought down his empire. The Bulls look very strong; Derrick Rose is as unguardable as anyone in the league, and he leads a team whose entire rotation has been playing above expectation. It's very hard to find flaws in a roster that's likely wrapped the East's top seed despite early injuries to two stars; they rebound and defend extremely well, have multiple scorers from all areas, can transition between halfcourt and uptempo better than most, and even have a COY candidate (and not the Sam Mitchell kind, the kind that was courted by every team with a coaching vacancy last summer because everyone knows he knows his shit) at the helm. Their lack of experience may hurt them in later rounds, but they look as strong as anyone in the East.

Odds: 4.2-1

Miami Heat - It feels weird having them up this high given all the questions they've yet to answer, but after Boston shot themselves in the leg and Father Time caught up with the Spurs, it's hard to see them not being serious contenders with Wade and James in beast mode. Their depth issues aside, the playoffs will be more and more about the Big 3, especially LeWade, who are both capable of winning a game on their own. If Chris Bosh can learn to play outside of his comfort zone for the team's sake, and Miami can still control tempo and create transition buckets, it will go a long way towards masking just how shallow this team is. Udonis Haslem's rumored resurrection is wishful thinking, but would be a Godsend to a team that was already blessed with the aftermath of Danny Ainge's stupidity, and will need even more good fortune to beat these next guys...

Odds: 4-1 (a slight edge over Chi-Town, only because I have an uneasy feeling that all the boos have obviously jaded Lebron and he's about to unleash some completely ruthless Taken-style rampage on the rest of the NBA)

Los Angeles Lakers

Life in the NBA's Penthouse has been somewhat turbulent this year, but through the requisite Bynum injuries, Gasol complaining about anything, and general Artest insanity, the Lakers have brought it all together down the stretch, are fully healthy for the first time all year, and playing the best ball of anyone in the NBA. Regardless of their occasional regular-season lapses, the Zen Master will have them playing optimal basketball over the next few months, and with their obvious experience, depth, and the most mismatch-safe lineup in the league (with plenty of room to exploit their own), it could be very tough for any of the cloudy contenders to dethrone them. Subplot of the postseason: Kobe's chase for a sixth title: How much will finally tying Jordan (he cares about it, don't believe him. Anybody who was that unfairly and incessantly measured against greatness his entire career would love to finally, in some way, match it...And Kobe's a shitty liar) amp up his game? Will it be a positive or negative force for LA? How many games in does Pau start whining about how his usage rate has dipped 3% below his regular season average? Should be a great postseason...

Odds: 2.2-1

Things Done Changed...

2011-03-07T17:48:00.007-04:00

Every now and then, sudden and illogical absences arise at the worst of times; Jordan spent a year of his prime on his Field of Dreams. Family Guy got cancelled when it was just getting started. And, on a much more inconsequential level, I fucked off Banter for the last three weeks, a stretch that covered the Trade Deadline, All-Star Weekend, and a whole bunch of important games that are shaping the playoff picture as the season winds down. While I wish I could consistently devote more time to this thing, partying, poker, school-related procrastination, and (clearly) watching ball have been ruling me, and the time to rant about the NBA for free on a website that like 5 people read isn't always found.

Timing was never my strong suit, and a whooooole lot done changed over the past couple weeks. The Passion of the Carmelo came to an end the only way Spike Lee could see it. Jerry Sloan got his revenge on Deron. Blake Griffin somehow managed to underwhelm us in the Dunk Contest. Boston did the un-thinkable and shook up their core. All the Lakers shook was some rust, and look like the contenders we always knew they were. The Heat can't beat the elite (I guess some things actually don't change), and Derrick Rose straight up took the MVP trophy from Lebron on national TV. Hell, the Blazers are suddenly healthy and the Cavs could sweep the season series from the Knicks. It's a vastly altered landscape, one marked by uncertainty; only fitting for a League potentially headed into a lockout. Here's a quick recap of the chaos: the Top 10 moments from the past three weeks.

10. Craig Sager on All-Star Friday Night

TNT's sideline snake, infamous for his shamelessly tasteless attire, wore somewhat normal clothing in LA this year, but made up for the muted suit by providing several hilarious moments, first when he took the Ben Roethlisberger approach to interrogating Carmelo Anthony about his ongoing trade drama, then drawing some much-unneeded publicity to the plight of embattled rookie Demarcus Cousins (..you know, the guy who beat up his teammate for icing him out on the last possession of a game) while giving John Wall the MVP trophy. The NBA: Where awkward conversations between large black athletes and unfunny white men Happen!

9. Rupaul's Softer Side

Admit it, you laughed profusely when you heard Chris Bosh - the same guy who has a mild seizure when he hits big baskets and sees fit to talk shit to Kevin Durant - broke down and wept in the locker room after the Heat blew yet another lead to a good team on national TV. Because it's really, really funny.

8. The Dunk Contest: upgraded from "critical" to "stable" condition

Say what you will about the car dunk and the seemingly pre-odrained outcome and DeRozan being robbed like the bank in Heat (I will, I thought it was pretty fucking lame), the Dunk Contest was twenty-thousand times better than last year. The excitement was contagious, and even as The Highlight Clip struggled to duplicate his in-game exploits, the dunkers all came with imaginative, high-concept attempts that were even impressive after five botched attempts. That the contest came down to a leaked Kia commercial was unfortunate, but we saw enough hype to bring the contest off life support. We probably won't ever see Lebron, but at least we were spared Brandon Jennings....and Nate.

7. Gilbert Arenas (insert joke about "'open firing") on Miami

So much was important about Agent Zero channeling his '07 self and scorching Miami last week. We saw Gilbert come out of his shell and have a relevant big game for the first time in three years. We saw Orlando stick it to their cross-state rivals and re-assert themselves as threats in the East. We saw the Heat melt themselves, losing a massive lead in a statement game, dropping them to a pitiful 1-8 (soon to be 1-9) against the NBA's top teams. Suddenly, Miami was exposed, the panic button was within reach, players were on the verge of tears...The likelihood of a Gilbert Arenas 3-point barrage being the turning point of Miami's season might have ranked right up there with Jerry Sloan quitting. Which brings us to...

6. Miami's Meltdown

The Heat are in full-out crisis mode again, and since nobody's memory is faint enough to forget their lame-ass, boisterous welcome party last July, everybody outside of South Beach is enjoying it. Just when Lebron was starting to convince some people he was still MVP-worthy alongside Bosh and Wade, the Heat dropped four in a row - including national TV games against top East foes - and brought in a whole new wave of doubts regarding their title aspirations. Wade and Lebron STILL aren't really clicking in the halfcourt. Mike Miller's turned out to be completely useless. And they're a stunning .100 against top competition. This was not what anyone had in mind.

5. Danny Ainge's Massive Balls

Trading a piece of a title contender's core is very risky move. Doing so when your team's core is as close-knit and revenge-hungry as Boston's, and at the risk of pissing off Kevin Garnett, demands immense testicular fortitude. Ainge shipping Perkins to OKC was the ultimate dice roll on a team that's leading the East despite not being fully healthy all year. It doesn't make sense because Boston's core chemistry was unrivaled by any other team in pro sports, because Perkins could protect the rim against Wade, Lebron and Rose and defend Dwight Howard better than anyone in the league, and because, well, they're leading the East despite not being healthy all year. It also makes a lot of sense because Boston was 4 deep in serviceable big men, gained depth and versatility (not to mention a player with much more upside), and (to hush those concerned about the O'Neals' durability) was arguably a Perkins injury away from a title last year. But the balls to pull it off...

4. Derrick Rose: Your 2011 NBA MVP

Sorry, I know a lot of people have plenty of reasons why he shouldn't win it, but barring the most dramatic turnaround ever from Orlando or Miami (and I'm talking them winning every game for the rest of the season), Rose is going to be the MVP. The icing was his cold dismissal of Miami's comeback attempt on Sunday, literally making them cry as he stole their 2-seed in the East. Rose is playing lights-out and saving his best games for big opponents, has a healthy team for the first time all year and has people who know things realistically talking about Chicago winning the conference. Actually. Give me a list of reasons why he shouldn't be MVP, I'll give you a bigger one for your guy, and an offer to wager any amount of money that Rose won't falter enough down the stretch to lose his grip.

3. LA Completely Ruining San Antonio

All season, the Lakers and Spurs were on opposite courses; one cruising beyond expectations while the other insulted them and drifted listlessly. Still, there was this lurking feeling that the Lakers were going to wake up and Sunday it happened, when the defending champs blew out their biggest threat on their home floor. It wasn't even close; a loud statement from a team who's apparently not set to roll over. Better yet, it was by far the Spurs' worst loss of the season, and the first sign of them faltering in a very long time. Those who predicted their eventual collapse are clearing their throats, but San Antonio still has a cushy lead in the West and enough time to rest their aging stars for a playoff run. Let's not get ahead of ourselves - the Spurs break our hearts every time we do - but the Champs are here.

2. The Return of the East

Used the be the West was running s*** in the NBA. The deadline delivery of two superstars to rebuilding Eastern teams was the latest in a series of moves that's beginning to restore some geographic equilibrium. While the East still lacks the depth and competitive balance of the West, its top tier is making the contender conversation two-sided again, sporting as many as four legit threats depending on who you ask. The Melo and Deron acquisitions highlight the urgency of the other teams to keep up and if it can light a flame under the likes of Michael Jordan and Bryan Colangelo, we might not be calling it the Leastern for too much longer.

1. Officially never having to hear the term 'Melo-Drama again

Well, it's over. The latest in a long line of Knicks-related soap operas that consumed headlines ever since Miami's big free agency score finally ended when Carmelo Anthony finally forced his way through to the Big Apple. It was fucking painful. The months of speculation, the sad attempts to feign loyalty and nonchalance, the media shitstorm because this involved a team from New York, the uncertainty that unjustly plagued an emerging team and a coach who just defeated cancer to put up with this crap. The Knicks now have their man and are a Chris Paul theft away from making everyone forget about Lebron signing with Miami, but more importantly, the latest stupid NBA media saga is beyond us, let us rejoice, and enjoy the rest of the season.

The Importance of Being Earnest: Why Chris Bosh Deserves the Hate

2011-02-17T12:31:00.010-04:00

February 17, 2011 will go down as a date of infamy in the relatively meaningless annals of Canadian NBA history; the date yet another franchise player who betrayed his franchise returned amongst greater talent and downed the lowly Raptors on their home floor. He was booed all night; a tradition a legion of increasingly bitter Toronto fans have become accustomed to bestowing upon their departed stars. But alas, no revenge was exacted, Chris Bosh got the last laugh, and likely will continue to...

The issue with Bosh is obviously whether he deserves it ("it" being either the merciless booing or his comfortable new surroundings, or both, whatever spin you wanna put on it). Many feel as though he sold Toronto out and quit on the team, while some still insist he gave them seven seasons of top-notch basketball and did what he could for a horribly inadequate franchise. While he gave the Raptors some great years, there's no denying that Bosh - for all the hateful scorn directed at a certain teammate of his - might've been the biggest disgrace this past offseason with his free agency departure.

Let's be honest with ourselves: Chris Bosh had absolutely no intention of re-signing with Toronto. He admitted as much during the free agent process, and likely never did. If I were a gambling man (and I definitely am) I'd put better odds on the Pacers winning a title this year or Shane Battier getting one of those Birdman turtleneck tattoos. With all the cap money being cleared and potential dynasties in the making, why would any sane person? As much as I love Canada, from Bosh's perspective, he'd be re-upping in a cold-ass, rainy, snowy abyss on a different dollar under a shitty team that had trouble attracting stars and was even worse at surrounding them with cohesive talent, and even worse at handling them when the situation eventually dissolved. Yeah, didn't make sense to me either.

With that in mind, if Bosh was really the devoted, honest, hard-working Franchise player many made him out to be (and some still do) shouldn't he have made his intentions clear? Rather than playing up Toronto and being ambiguous in the media, wouldn't a Franchise player do what's best for the franchise and be honest with the GM? (and don't give me any of that "Bosh isn't a Franchise player crap. He won't ever be on a contender, but he was a high draft pick they built around for years, far and away the best player on their team. He was a franchise player, just not for a very good one) A certain amount of responsibility comes with that tag, and it wouldn't have been very hard for Bosh to privately meet with Bryan Colangelo last January, tell him "Look, our team sucks, I love this city and we gave it our best shot, but I don't want to spend my prime struggling to make the playoffs in the shallowest conference ever. You should call around with some offers."

A real man would've done that. Instead, Bosh facaded about, tuned out of games down the stretch, and capped off a forgettable season for the Raps by missing a wide-open tip-in that would've booked them a playoff ticket (that he actually did them a favor by allowing them to draft Ed Davis instead of being swept by Cleveland is beside the point). Once the season was over, the show was just starting. The opening act was a series of idiotic Twitter posts, asking fans where he should go and making vague attempts to sound deep and focused that came across as shallow and distracted. Bosh then hired a camera crew to document his free agent courtship (you know, because CHRIS BOSH is such a big fucking deal), wasting the time, money and hope of numerous teams, most notably Toronto, only to later reveal that the had made his mind up about Miami earlier and he just thought "the attention was nice". What a fucking mutt. His summer antics showed a new side of Bosh; the spotlight shone on him brighter than ever before and it exposed his true colors, forcing us to wonder if he ever really was that stand-up guy he made himself out to be all those years. Leaving the sub-par team that breathed life into your NBA career is one thing; but doing it in the dishonest, pretentious and simply cowardly manner that Bosh did deserves every "boo" and "Ru-Paul" chant that rained down on him last night.

The situation gets complicated by the horrible points of reference Raptors fans have when analyzing Bosh's departure. Damon Stoudemire went all Towelie on us and (perhaps rightfully) started demanding an out when the Raps couldn't crack the 20-win barrier. Tracy McGrady was a selfish idiot and decided he'd rather play in Grant Hill's shadow than his own cousin's...And Vince? Well, there's really no need in pouring more salt on that wound...Every star player Toronto's ever had (with the possible exception of Marcus Camby) has made an unceremonious exit that the front office handled absolutely horribly. That precedent might've made it easy for Bosh to do what he did, but doesn't excuse it at all.

Things are only further complicated by the repeated ineptitude of Toronto's front office, regardless of who's running it, when dealing with unhappy superstars. Regardless of the Raps' nice run in January, they were peaking at 5th in the East, nowhere near homecourt and clearly not the contender Bosh was willing to commit to. It should've been obvious that he'd get a more enticing offer, regardless of the extra money Toronto could give him, and he needed to be moved before the deadline. Colangelo clearly fucked that one up, but at least part of the blame also needs to lie on Bosh for his apparent content with the team and the city. He portrayed himself in a manner that likely made the Raps' GM favor trying to re-sign him over trading him for 60 cents on the dollar. His mind and his actions spoke in different tongues, and spoke volumes about who Chris Bosh really is.

When it's all said and done, Bosh might accomplish enough with Miami to have future generations remember him as something else than Canadians do right now. Every time the Heat visit the ACC, we'll be treated to more boos than an Usher/Alicia Keya collabo, "RuPaul" chants and "Two and a Half Men" signs. Every fan in the building will go home with a hoarse throat, which will almost never be exacerbated by celebration. Bosh and the Heat stung Toronto last night, despite 38 points from Bargnani and the most spirited effort the team's put forth in a very long time. These fans keep seeing stars leave, and keep booing them when they return almost as much as they can cheer for their own team. It's becoming a very depressing basketball culture, one that sees its fans get the last laugh even less than we see Lady Gaga do something normal. The Raps need to make drastic changes and at least give them something to smile about soon; bad contracts, no experience, and even less defense are maiming their prospects for redemption.

Lakers at Celtics: Live on Basketball Banter

2011-02-10T21:09:00.008-04:00

A little while back, the Celtics and Lakers squared off in a much-anticipated rematch of last year's NBA Finals. The Lakers (for the most part) didn't show up, making for an anti-climactic fourth quarter collapse, and a fortunate twist that I got sick and didn't waste two hours doing live game notes. Well, with a re-match less than two weeks later, and LA looking for redemption, it seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up. They're going through the starters right now, so let's get involved:

- With two treys tonight, Ray Allen will pass Reggie Miller as the NBA's all-time leader.... Who's on the mic for TNT tonight? Yup. This is gonna be fun.

- Kobe comes out looking to get Gasol the ball in the paint on two straight possessions; maybe he learned a lesson last time out.

- Meanwhile, Allen's been spending a conspicuous amount of time inside the arc, where here's 2/3 early

- Ray's first three.....rims out. The crowd sighs, Reggie can breathe again.

- Bynum tips the ball to himself off a jump ball...no whistle. Good to see the refs bringing their A game to a high-profile national TV game.

- Craig Sager sighting; navy suede with a matching tie over a striped shirt. It's only about a 2 on the Craig Sager Ugly Suit scale, he's been stepping his game up a bit lately.

- LA's working the ball into Bynum regularly and he looks a lot more comfortable then last game, even against Boston's feared front line.

- My buddy Kevin does some quick math and drops the slightly appalling tidbit that the Celtics' rotation have missed 151 games this year, and still have the best record in the East. Wow.

- Allen for 3...aaaaand boom goes the dynamite! The crowd goes nuts, and Ray goes for the record ten seconds later on a broken play and bricks. 15 years in, he's shooting a career high from 3, and is showing little sign of slowing down physically. When you consider that Jason Kidd is currently third in 3's made (seriously) this one might be out of reach for a while.

- Kendrick Perkins thinks he's comfortable off a good feed from Allen and gets humbled by Bynum, winning the inside battle so far.

- Ray gets the feed on a fast break, nobody within 10 feet, lets loose, everyone in the World knows history's about to happen....Iciest record ever. Reggie calls him over on the next dead ball and salutes him, saying it couldn't have happened to a better guy; more than a touch of class, which is fitting towards a guy who might be the classiest NBA player out there. Congrats, Ray.

- Boston's rode Ray's hot hand to a 27-20 lead after the first, and Allen gets his PA moment, complete with a Standing O and (of course) TV time for Ray Allen's Mom.

- The audio's getting cut for a while for my roommates' drinking tunes. We'll be without Reggie's sultry tones for the next hour or so.

- LA's inside assault continues, with Ron Artest (!) muscling his way inside for an and-one.

- Glen Davis counters with his own and-one, and touchdown celebration, though no one was injured by his saliva.

- The Lakers are still only shooting inside the key with Bryant on the bench, although making nothing and trailing by 13 with 10 left in he second....So on the ensuing play, a penetrate-and-kick leads to a Shannon Brown trey.

- Brown gets a little trigger happy and fires a bad three, but gets bailed out by an errant Nate Robinson foul; the kind of play he figured to make more since coming to Boston. The camera pans over to Doc just in time for his head to hit his lap.

- If you thought you'd never see Von Wafer absolutely own Ron Artest defensively on the low block, consider yourself mistaken.

- LA's working the ball inside-out and outside-in, but can't (as Chick Hearn would say) throw a grape in the ocean. Bynum and Gasol are the only ones doing anything offensively.

- Ray Allen's killing it; throwing down a one-hander off a trailing feed from Rondo on a fast break off LA's 54th turnover.

- Kobe's still in Playmaker Mode, slicing through 3 defenders and feeding Gasol, who gets mugged on a dunk. LA's reluctance to back down against Boston's grimey post D is impressive.

- Boston finally coughs the ball up and gives Shannon Brown a chance to make his case for Dunk Contest inclusion.

- Rondo finds himself wide open 2 feet behind the foul line, and second-guesses before throwing up a brick over a crashing Derek Fisher. He who hesitates... (or he who has a suspect jumper..)

- Fisher then weaves into the key for a short floater, doing his best Rondo impersonation to pull LA within 5.

- Pierce beasts a layup inside off a nice Rondo feed to close the half, sending Boston into the break up 53-45. Ray's appropriately leading all scorers with 14. Kobe has....3, while Bynum and Gasol have 24 on 9 of 15.

- Moment of Silence for Jerry Sloan; his resignation has to be the most unforseen and unfortunate development in a season that's been full of them. Sloan going out mid-season like this is like Luke Ridnour winning the Dunk Contest or Greg Oden going a full 82. With the Jazz unraveling and Deron Williams pissed, things weren't working, but it seemed like it;d take far worse to shatter the longest coaching tenure in pro sports, outlasting 154 NBA coaches.

- Right now, I'm listening to crappy indie rock instead of whatever Charles has to say about Ray Allen's historic night and the "photos" of him with Lindsay Lohan being flashed on screen. The boys can't go to the bar soon enough.

- Kobe's in attack mode, slicing into the lane for two easy buckets and feeding Gasol for an open jumper: tie game early in the third.

- Kobe picks up a double-T (travel, technical), but stays in attack mode, sending Ray to the bench with his fourth foul, then leaving Wafer on a nasty turnaround to bring LA within one.

- Bynum Smash! The kid keeps making his presence felt inside, LA has their first lead since the game's first minute, 63-60.

- Paul Pierce gets left open from 18, while boys are trying to find footage of him tossing a Crip sign at Al Horford on YouTube, which he apparently got fined 25 Gs for.

- Speaking of gangs, Pierce is unloading on the Lakers right now, burying another three to put Boston back ahead by one.

- Lamar Odom tips in a Pau miss, then turns around and runs right into him. They butt heads, sending both players stumbling to the bench, Lamar for some cut work. Maybe that'll knock enough sense into him to not do anymore perfume commercials.....TNT then flashes back to the havoc Gasol unleashed on KG's head last weekend, Lamar still got off easy.

- I don't care how lame Just Go With It looks, I really hope it's a hit. As long as crappy romantic comedies are being made, Brooklyn Decker should be in more of them.

- The fourth starts with Lamar banging a trey to put LA up seven, fresh off his stitches and rocking an even more awkward bandage than KG after his Gasol encounter.

- Kobe's on the bench and LA's rolling, up 7 with 10 to play.

- Bynum (predictably) falls asleep on D and lets Perkins roam in for a thunderous dunk to stop the bleeding.

- Ray's peeling more 3's now, but (the feared crunch-time tag team of) Steve Blake and Shannon Brown hook up on a nice backdoor play to keep distance. With the bench mob still riding into the 6th minute, LA's doing everything they didn't do in the Fourth last time around: moving on offense, boxing out, putting the ball in the basket. Boston's reeling and Kobe and Pau are about to come back fresh....

- Odom strips Garnett off an inbound and Bryant comes out in Mamba mode, icing Allen with the same turnaround fadeaway he grilled Wafer with. Clearly feeling the rest he just got, Bryant buries another jumper, strips Pierce, then blows by Allen for a tough layup over Big Baby. For a guy whose knee is "almost bone-on-bone" (just the thought of that makes me cringe) he's doing alright.

- LA's holding court on D, forcing some tough attempts from the best-shooting team in the NBA. They aren't getting the looks they want, as evidenced by a Rondo 18-footer being their first field goal in a couple minutes.

- After a failed Boston fast break, Kobe vacuums Boston's front line under the hoop and serves Gasol the easiest hoop of his career.

- Boston trails by seven with a buck-thirty left...Rajon Rondo at the line. Celtics fans, this isn't looking good.

- Odom with the grand hustle, chases down an offensive board he had no business getting, leading to a Bryant iso, where he abuses Allen again and ices what looks like the dagger - LA up 8 with :48 to go.

- Book it: 92-86 Lakers. So in their last meeting, LA fell apart in the fourth when the supporting cast shat the bed and Kobe tried to take over, forcing a bunch of terrible shots and taking his entire team out of the game. Tonight played out slightly differently to say the least. It was a big game: the culmination of Ray Allen's endless three-point blitzkriegs, and perhaps the turning point of LA's season: they went on the road and beat a team that recently broke them down, toughing out an impressive win against their biggest rival after a string of questionable performances.

"The Secret" Nobody Told LA

2011-01-31T13:30:00.008-04:00

Yesterday marked two important milestones in the NBA season; the return of marquee Sunday afternoon matchups, and the first rematch of last June's Finals between the league's most storied franchises. To celebrate the occasion, I'd planned on tossing up some Game Notes: a roundtable of various observations (related to both basketball, and other stuff, like Brooklyn Decker) throughout the game from myself and the other hoops heads that frequent my living room; a fresh take on one of the regular season's most important games.

Instead, thanks to dubious decision to abuse my body for a good time's sake at the onset of a nasty flu-like illness, I spent the entire weekend buried in a cocoon of blankets, writhing in a cold sweat and sounding like a living, (hardly) breathing Mucinex ad. It was tough enough to keep my eyes open and enjoy the game; so I can only imagine how unbelievably shitty the Notes would've been.

The silver lining to my misery is that it's saved you from reading a column that would inevitably lead to the same conclusions that have been flooding the internet since the the buzzer sounded. LA's fourth-quarter meltdown can be blamed on (among many other things: a) the lack of fortitude from the Lakers' supporting cast and b) Kobe Bryant's consequent decision to force every shot down the stretch, regardless of how many defenders swarmed him, or teammates stood open in awe of his horrible shot selection. But rather than point out the obvious, I'm going to draw on a little help from Bill Simmons and Isiah Thomas to illustrate a deeper point (the parts in italics that follow are from Simmons' The Book of Basketball, which should be mandatory reading for any NBA fan. In fact, if you don't already own it, stop reading this right now and go buy it, you won't regret the time or $40 invested)

As the story goes, Simmons was down in Vegas; a carefully choreographed "business trip" that (somehow) found him several drinks deep at the Wynn's aquatic blackjack tables. A chance encounter with Knicks announcer Gus Johnson led to an invitation to join his table - along with Thomas. This was slightly problematic for Simmons, who had recently been far from tactful in a series of columns that openly bashed Thomas' job performance, culminating in an fictional piece entitled "The Atrocious GM Summit", at which Isiah was the headline speaker. This had unnerved the Knicks' embattled front office leader to the point of publicly threatening physical violence against Simmons, so he politely shunned the invitation in an attempt to avoid the Itchy and Scratchy-esque visions in his head.

Johnson insisted on trying to smooth the situation over, and to make a long story short (and for the sake of not ruining all the hilarious details for when you all inevitably read the book) Simmons wound up being invited over and settling his differences with Zeke; Thomas appreciated his apology, respected his candor and knowledge, and soon, bitter enemies were becoming best buds, soaking in the aura of expensive booze and one of Vegas' most scenic topless pools (ah, the wonders a little social lubrication can do).

As the conversation gradually shifted from Isiah trying to rationalize how he was running the Knicks into the ground, Simmons built up the courage to ask about "The Secret", something Isiah had hinted at way back in '89 when he was on the cusp of his first title:

"It's not about physical skills. Goes far beyond that...the only way our team would rise to the top would be by mental skills, not size or talent...by watching the Celtics and Lakers, because those were the teams winning year in and year out. I also looked at Seattle, who won one year, and Houston, who got to the Finals one year. They both self-destructed the next year. Some how come? I read Pat Riley's book Show Time and he talks about "the disease of more". A team wins it one year and the next year every player wants more minutes, more money, more shots. And it kills them...but it's hard not to be selfish. The art of winning is complicated by statistics, which for us becomes money."

"Look at our team statistically. We're one of the worst teams in the league...But I kept looking at the won-loss record and how we kept improving and I kept saying to myself, Isiah, you're doing the right thing, so be stubborn and one day people will find a different way to judge a player. They won't just pick up the newspaper and say, oh, this guy was 9 for 12 with 8 rebounds so he was the best player in the game. Lots of times, on our team, you can't tell who the best player in the game was. 'Cause everybody did something good. That's what makes us so good. The other team has to worry about stopping eight or nine people instead of two or three. It's the ony way to win."

Although Isiah alluded to it, he never outright told anyone what the secret was (at least not publicly) until Simmons put him on the spot and found out the truth: "It's not about basketball". What the fuck?

Thomas went on to tell Simmons about the truth behind the '89 trade that shipped former All-Star Adrian Dantley for Mark Agguire; a solid player, who although significantly less talented, meshed better with his teammates and allowed for defensive demon Dennis Rodman to see more unprotested court time, which added to Detroit's versatility. Dantley's presence was detracting from the team when he'd complain about Rodman eating his minutes and carry a shady disposition that ruined morale. The Pistons got rid of him (almost) entirely to preserve their chemistry, and they won the first of back-to-back titles four months later.

They key point was that Detroit was not only a deep, versatile roster that beat on opponents with tough defense and relentless synergy, but that what really made those Pistons teams special was their focused and cohesive mentality; as Simmons puts it: (the championship team) prevailed because it got along and everyone committed themselves to their roles. That's what Detroit needed to do, and that's why Dantley had to go".

Fast-forward a couple decades, and we're left with yesterday's losers; the Champs who appear to be on the verge of that self-destruction Thomas spotted in Seattle and Houston. Their issues have been many; present all year, yet this is a team who's been to the Finals three straight years; these aren't necessarily basketball issues. But then, remember, it's not about basketball.

It's about Pau's incessant bitching. It's about Ron Artest having the most ineffective season of his career, confounding his teammates. It's about Kobe's completely unmatched work ethic and respect for the game; the exalted attributes that cause him to look down on his inferior surroundings and try to take over, which with rare exception, makes them a worse team. It's about Andrew Bynum being so perpetually injured that he can't be counted on consistently, while other bodies log extra mileage in his absence. It's these things and more that clearly indicate nobody's filled the Lakers in on "The Secret".

Meanwhile, it's obvious that several years ago, KG broke into Isiah's place, tied him up, and beat The Secret out of him with a lead pipe. Boston's (relatively) healthy and firing on all cylinders, playing the kind of focused, team-attack basketball that wins titles. And they're doing it on a team with tons of star power, with virtually everybody playing an undersized role, and still nobody complains; everybody shows up. Hell, they made a solid bench contributor out of Nate Robinson. They're sacrificing for the sake of the team; something LA was miles away from yesterday, befelled by poor basketball that was deeply rooted - not in a lack of ability - but in their flawed concepts of championship mentality.

As talented as they are, and as brilliant a coach as Phil Jackson is, yesterday (hell, for most of the season) the Lakers were been playing far below their ability as a basketball team. Hopefully they can clue in that's not really about basketball after all.

Your REAL 2011 All-Stars

2011-01-25T18:28:00.006-04:00

Let's face facts: the All-Star voting process is a joke. It starts with the fans: yeah, the ones who voted AI in last year (and Yao every year); the ones who clearly, for the most part, have no fucking clue what's going on. It continues with the coaches: the ones who toss votes at guys who torched their teams because of mismatches and who ignore the obvious merits of good players in favor of good teams, the ones who, to a lesser extent, have no fucking clue what's going on (I'm looking at you, Rambis). It's even further constrained by position restrictions on bench players; ones that ensure that every year, at least 2 or 3 undeserving players will be annointed 'All-Stars' by exemption...and only adding to the list of deserving snubs.

So here's the 24 guys who deserve to be there; the ones who have been the best players in the NBA this year (while respecting the League's right to still mandate backup centers). Not the ones who play roles on the best teams, but the ones who have, through a combination of excellence and relevance, defined this season.

EAST STARTERS

G - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

In a game where there's sure to be lots of debate about selections, this spot is a rare lock. Rose has been a monster this year; abbrasively assaulting so-called "defenses" while keeping the Bulls near the top of the East amid key injuries. The best-scoring PG in the league and early MVP hopeful.

G - Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics

Without question the most dominant non-scorer in the NBA, Rondo's taken his already unfathomable improvement to new heights this year, racking up Stockton numbers in assists while providing transcendant defense and excellent rebounding. He's even starting to ice his jumper more comfortably, which is a truly frightening development...

F - Lebron James, Miami Heat

The Hometown Hero's now the Twisted Villain, but regardless of his public persona 180, James has remained the game's most feared player, and had the Heat coasting until his recent injury. Some still claim he's MVP-worthy (hard to justify with two others playing so well) but there's no question; he has to be here.

F - Amar'e Stoudemire, New York Knicks

While the MVP talk has hushed with the Knicks' recent struggles, Stoudemire has remained a top-notch scorer and sudden defensive presence who has contributed most heavily to New York's return to respectability. Not to mention, his pairing with James and Howard in the frontcourt makes for an alley-oop tandem that could only be topped if Blake got traded East.

C - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

A sudden explosion of quality East big men might make for more deserving reserves, but Dwight's starting spot is far from being challenged; only a season-ending injury could keep him out of this spot and let's face it; that's not ever going to happen.

THE BENCH MOB

G - Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

Wade's been everything he has expected to be when Miami's Superfriends joined forces. While Miami's no longer solely looked upon as "his team", he's clearly still a no-brainer for this game on star power and reputation, if not for another year of All-NBA production.

G/F - Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics

Seems kind of dramatic, but it needs to be done. All three of these guys are having amazingly efficient a productive seasons for the team that's still leading the East despite more injuries than any playoff contender. Allen has been one of the most clutch and effective scorers in the League, while Garnett's regained his legs and looks like his '07 self, and Pierce still has barely lost a step.

C - Al Horford, Atlanta Hawks

While the Hawks' general play this year has been nebulous, Horford has served as a model of consistency and toughness; arguably their best player. He might be the quietest All-Star ever, but his play has been remarkably efficient and absent of the mental lapses and cold streaks that have troubled Atlanta.

Wild Card - Chris Bosh, Miami Heat

He's sure to be accused of riding coattails to this spot, but Bosh was an All-Star long ago (some would say since the Jurassic) and has been even more of a contributor to Miami's recent success than many figured him to be.

Wild Card - Carlos Boozer, Chicago Bulls

I feel like a Loozer putting two ower forwards at each of the spare spots, but in a conference as shallow and top-heavy as the East, it's hard to deny 'Los when he's been a complete monster for a top-3 team when the other two teams have 3 and 4 players on this squad.

THE SNUB SQUAD

Raymond Felton, New York Knicks

Felton's career year has surpassed even the lofty expectations of those who expected him to excel in D'Antoni's open system. He's putting up ridiculous numbers night after night, and probably would've had Boozer's spot if New York had kept up their December play.

Joe Johnson, Atlanta Hawks

Johnson got overpaid last summer, then came back underperforming. Can't say this any better than Bill Simmons, so I'll let him handle it: "This would be a reputation pick. Like when you start watching an Ed Norton movie you've never heard of on cable just because Ed Norton was starring in it. And if Ed Norton was making $120 million to be in the movie." Sorry Joe.

Danny Granger, Indiana Pacers

The former All-Star's seen his scoring dip for a Pacers squad that's struggled to keep up with their early hot start and slid out of the playoff bracket. In a year when many forwards are making a strong case for the "good player, shitty team" nod, Granger's failed to plead much.

WEST STARTERS

G - Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets

He has to be here, in a very deep pool of West guards; not only because Paul is (no disrespect) the best point guard in the NBA, he has the Hornets in the thick of the West, with trade and relocation rumors swirling. The continued overachivement of this Hornets team is testament to just how much better he makes them.

G - Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers

Despite the Lakers' minor turbulence and Bryant's injury concerns, he's remained one of the game's most automatic players; a lethal scorer who can toy with defenses as a playmaker and locks down anyone he faces. He leads the defending champs, who are hosting the All-Star game, and hasn't come off the bench in a decade, no time to demote him now.

F - Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

Durant's early-season troubles were quickly rectified as he began filling up buckets at a league-leading rate. Expectations on him and his team may have been a tad lofty this year, and defensive toughness might be the key to both, but KD's spot here is unquestioned.

F - Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks

Garnett got traded, Duncan got old, but Dirk still lurks in the West as a threat to eat the starting spots of deserving would-bes. Before he got hurt, Dallas was one of the best teams in the league and he was an MVP candidate. Now that his team's shown how bad they are without him, he's solidified this spot, still, after all these years.

C - Pau Gasol, LA Lakers

Pau may have slid back to his natural 4 spot, but spent enough time dominating as a center in the early season to merit this spot over, well...to put things into perspective, the second-leading vote getter among centers in the West (after Yao) is Pau's often-injured and clearly-inferior teammate, Andrew Bynum. Clearly, an exception must be made.

THE BENCH MOB

G - Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder

Westbrook's blown up; like most of the World Champion USA squad, he returned this year with boosted confidence and polished skills. Unlike most of the squad, he's become a triple-double machine who's also put his name in the MVP conversation, and was a very close snub as a starter.

G - Deron Williams, Utah Jazz

The Jazz have been somewhat of an enigma; very talented, not exactly shallow, well-coached underachievers. The one thing keeping them afloat has been Williams' stellar play; those who call him the league's best PG have a legit claim.

F - Blake Griffin, LA Clippers

Yup. I don't care how poorly the Clippers started. Griffin's been the most exciting -and simply the best - rookie we've seen in a long, long time. As soon as he toppled the rookie wall, his team began rallying around his dominant play and merciless Youtube classics; he beasted any opposition. If he isn't a part of this game, it'll be one of the coldest (and stupidest...you know it'll be good for the game) snubs of all time.

F - Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves

...But what about Melo? Meh, he's (predictably) drifted in and out of attack mode while his trade drama plays out. All Love's done is make nights like 25/18 look redundant, redefining dominance on the glass while banging 3's at a steady clip and passing better than any West big man East of Gasol. Again, let's not penalize him for playing on the NBA's most dysfunctional team; his play has raised eyebrows league-wide, all season in spite of the Wolves' struggles.

Wild Card - LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trailblazers

That the Blazers are still breathing in the West now that Greg Oden and Brandon Roy's careers are on very thin ice can be blamed principally on Aldridge raising his play to the upper echelon of big men. This team got decimated by injuries, and robbed of the guy that usually saves them, they might've found their new franchise guy.

Wild Card - Manu Ginobili, San Antonio Spurs

Ok, so I've got some explaining to do here. The team on top of the West and on pace for 70 wins (and yet to hit their patented late-season stride) has only one All-Star. Sounds weird, but the Spurs' success this year might be the ultimate testament to the success of cohesive, balanced teams, certainly the best we've seen since the '04 Pistons. Timmy D has been a shadow of his former self, while Pretty Tony can't make much of a case against his competition for the guard spots. Manu gets the nod as their best all-around player; though him being the only one still seems odd.

THE SNUB SQUAD

Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, San Antonio Spurs

See Above.

Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets

Again, see above. Got ahead of myself I guess.

Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns

This one hurts; Nash has been his usual self this season, but the Suns, sans Amar'e now look like lottery fodder and have people screaming "rebuild"....And people were wondering how Stoudemire would fare after the breakup.

Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies; Monta Ellis, Golden State Warriors

Two very talented players who are simply victims of circumstance: they play on mediocre teams in an extremely talented conference where deserving players are a dime a dozen. Maybe all those trade rumors will fall through and we'll have a better chance of seeing them next year.

Advanced apologies to the many deserving players who will be watching from the sidelines after the fans and coaches are done mangling this roster. Let's hope they get it right for the most part.

...And Now For Some Fake Awards...

2011-01-18T12:21:00.007-04:00

Tooooonight, coming to you live from a dingy living room in Halifax, Nova Scotia, it's the Halftime Edition of the 2011 Basketball Banter Awards! We've got plenty of trophies to hand out, so let's get into it; grab your popcorn and enjoy the show.

The Justin Bieber Award - Lebron James, Miami Heat: Goes to the player who's been everywhere for the past year, and could honestly use some down time.

Ok, so I know he's the most amazing/most celebrated/most hated player in the NBA right now. That's cool. He delivers a lot of horses to the engine that powers the league's media image. That being said, the press's complete marination in the Heat, and specifically Lebron, has been sickening. Lebron's Twitter account is becoming like Facebook's MiniFeed; information that I don't need to know (or give a fuck about) being served to me unavoidably. This is clearly what Lebron wants; he's embracing his role as the villain because he loves the attention. Let's try not to indulge him so much.

Regards to: Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh

The Simmons BeautyRest Award - Jrue Holiday, Philadelphia 76ers: Goes to the player who's having an awesome season and being totally slept on.

Lost in all the crowded MIP talk is Holiday, the second-year point who's showing maturity beyond his years in quarterbacking the Sixers' dysfunctional offense. I brag enough about the benefits of League Pass, but being able to see young emerging players on crappy teams that would never make national TV is among the best. Holiday fits the bill as a creative playmaker who can also fill the basket, as he is often charged with on the offensively-challenged 76ers. His play is unheralded largely because Philly's bordering on Most Irrelevant status; only copping TV time on the wrong end of highlight reels. Only hoop addicts, fantasy buffs and Sixers fans know how nice this guy is, but it shouldn't be long before he forces people to wake up.

Regards to: Wesley Matthews, Al Horford, Arron Afflalo

The Canibus Award - JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavaliers: Goes to the player who was supposed to blow up this year, and instead has failed to make much of himself.

Hickson had it all this year: Loads of opportunity for playing time. A shitty team with absolutely no expectations. The momentum from an absolute romp in the Summer League. A new coach with a fresh attitude and a soft spot for Hickson's upside. So far we haven't heard much. Hickson's been inconsistent, listless and in and out of Lord Byron's doghouse, contributing to the Cavs' meltdown that has (very creepily) mirrored Miami's season almost game for game.
Regards to: Roy Hibbert, 90% of the Detroit Pistons roster, Darren Collison

The Bobby Boucher Trophy - Blake Griffin, LA Clippers: Goes to the player whose arrival on a new team has had the greatest positive impact.

The way Griffin's taken the NBA by storm this year is most easily likened to a tragic hurricane in terms of the devastation and calamity he's caused for those in his path. The Clippers have managed to sail clear of the storm though, playing their best basketball since the Elton Brand days and now the talk of the league, largely due to Griffin's ridiculous numbers and reckless abuse of opposing baskets. That the Clippers are knocking off good teams is icing on the cake; that the'ye being spoken of in a context other than 'walking joke' is a serious boost that appears to have rejuvenated their entire roster; hell even Baron's playing well now.
Regards to: Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, Tyson Chandler (...and yes, I'm intentionally snubbing Lebron)

(Side note: Blake Griffin has also won the Shawn Kemp Memorial Award for the most exciting/demoralizing dunker, which in completely unrelated news, is being temporarily retired while under review to be re-named "The Blake Griffin Award")

The Tim Donaghy Award - OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies: Goes to the player whose gambling has caused serious issues for himself/his team/the NBA.

Quite the season OJ's having. Already mired in a shooting slump that cost him his starting job, Mayo lost a dime-five to Tony Allen on a redeye card game, couldn't take the loss like a man, and started chirping him. Allen retaliated by whupping Mayo's ass (which became a nationally-blown-up scrum; a rare blemish in an otherwise-quiet season for a violence-enamored league) and punking even more of his minutes; leaving Mayo the latest poster child for superstar irresponsibility, and with his head resting on the trading block.
Regards to nobody; this one's all you man.

The Flavor Flav Award - Darko Milicic, Minnesota Timberwolves: Goes to the player who made a strong comeback from obscurity/adversity to gain relevance again.

To say that Darko's NBA career was going poorly would be like calling Corner Gas uneventful; a polite way of describing a far more profane and morbid reality. He had the misfortune of being born in such a year that his development as an NBA prospect would align perfectly with the "Dirk Factor", which bloated the draft stock of countless European centers over the past decade. This led to his erroneously high selection, and prompt burial on the bench of a deep title contender, under the tutelage of a coach who never much cared for young prospects. This planted firm seeds of frustration in Milicic; seeds that poisoned his career as he bounced from team to team, collecting bench splinters and struggling to fit in; never given room to blossom. His confidence was whittled away until last summer, when he seemed bent on retirement, and the only man stupid enough to give Darko $20 million willingly forked it over...Then a funny thing happened; he actually started playing well enough to take the whole league by notice: Now a legit starting center who's among the league leaders in swats and actually commands attention on offense. It's a long way from reversing his simply awful luck, but given how deep he'd buried himself, any signs of life from Darko should feel redeeming.

Regards to: Gilbert Arenas, Andrew Bogut, and a special D-League shout-out to Antoine Walker

Dunk of the Half - Blake Griffin on Danilo Gallinari
Blake had a very loud coming out party against the Knicks back in November. He dropped 44, including a vicious array of highlight slams, most maliciously targeting Galinari, who found himself hopelessly lost on Griffin Island as he tried to stop a one-man fast break. He just as quickly found himself spun off of by a much larger man in a fit of graceful agility that instantly morphed into destructive power in the form of an ego-shattering tomahawk...Right on poor Gallo's head...And thanks to the glory of the internet, he (nor any of us) will ever forget.

Regards to: JR Smith on Gary Neal, James Harden on JJ Hickson, Blake Griffin on basically anybody

Ham of the Half - Ron Artest, LA Lakers; Goes to the player who, through continued on and off-court incompetence, has insulted any/all expectations.

When the Lakers signed Ron Artest before last season, the impression was that he would fill Trevor Ariza's shoes as a defensive-minded swingman who could hit jumpers and exist within the triangle. While he managed to survive the first season well enough to help LA to a title, winning it is apparently the worst thing ever to happen to him. After auctioning off what should've been his most prized possession (regardless of his philanthropic motivations, the whole thing seemed like a publicity stunt), Artest has been mired in a haze of passive defense and bricked jumpers, appearing to be more aptly pissing off Kobe Bryant than anything else. A lot of reality checking needs to be done in Lakerland, starting with its usual suspect.

Regards to: Baron Davis (1 week won't save you), Samuel Dalembert, Evan Turner

The A-Team Award - Boston Celtics; Given to the team who, at this point, looks like the best in the NBA.

This was tough. Really fuckin' tough. Not only because I still somewhat despise the Celtics for indirectly destroying my favorite player as I knew him, or 'cause the Spurs have been very, very good; the best record in the NBA in its tougher conference. This was tough because nobody really looks like a favorite; Dallas lost Butler for good and looks lost without Dirk, LA's got a serious championship hangover, Miami's still got lots to prove and Orlando's still waiting on the jury. But looking at what Boston's done with what they've had, it's tough not to fear them. They've enjoyed their usual hot start, but it's been maintained longer through a (somewhat) tougher conference, nasty early schedule, and a barrage of injuries. Jermaine O'Neal's played like 5 minutes all year. Shaq's been hobbled. Garnett and Rondo have each missed 2 weeks, and Kendrick Perkins is still on the horizon. They still have the best record in the East. Make no mistake; this will be the hungriest team in the NBA come playoffs, and at full strength (which, if you're a skeptic, looks just as shaky for every contender out West) the way everyone else is playing, they might be its best. They have the size, experience and depth to match just about anybody, their defensive intensity is unreal and their cohesiveness is unmatched...and Rasheed's coming back? Good luck.

Regards to: San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat (post-Cleveland), Dallas Mavericks (w/Dirk)

Halftime Hardware: The Mid-Season Awards

2011-01-13T00:40:00.012-04:00

The regular season grind's just about hit its mid-point; as teams cross the 40-game mark, the conversation's shifted from early season adjustments to All-Stars, deadline deals and the earliest glimpses of the playoff bracket (only 3 more months...). Seems like an appropriate time to revisit the race for the NBA's individual awards and hand out a little Halftime Hardware:

Rookie of the Half - Blake Griffin, LA Clippers
Getting the obvious out of the way, Griffin's taken the League by storm like few rookies ever have; dropping double-doubles almost as often as his devastating dunks that have fans itching for All-Star Saturday (sorry, Lamar). What's more, he's made people care about the Clippers; a dynamic talent that's already borderline dominant in the NBA after three months and putting LA's Other Team on the map. Looks like they found a keeper, hopefully they dont screw this one up.
Regards to: Landry Fields, John Wall, Demarcus Cousins

Most Improved Player - Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves
From the obvious to the opposite; the MIP race is not only very crowded but comprised of players from all walks of life. MVP-calibre point guards, wily veterans, young gunslingers, emerging journeymen; there's a dozen players who could make a very legitimate claim to this trophy. Love gets it because he came into this season facing an unclear role and inconsistent minutes, and immediately forced Kurt Rambis to keep him on the court with his versatile offensive array and utter dominance on the glass. People spoke of Moses Malone's 30/30 30 years ago, well that's also the last time somebody other than Dennis Rodman (also Malone) averaged more rebounds than Love is this season. Over one summer he seamlessly made the transition to legitimate star player; a much tougher leap than the typical breakout year that wins a player this award, especially on a team as dysfunctional as the Wolves. A lot of guys in this running simply adapted to increased roles; Love demanded one with his play and has done nothing but prove himself right.
Regards to: Raymond Felton, Dorrell Wright, Wesley Matthews

Coach of the Half - Erik Spoelstra, Miami Heat
Don't think there's much to discuss here. Miami came into the season with insurmountable expectations, started as horribly as anyone could've imagined; everyone was calling for Spoelstra's head. Spo made some defensive tweaks, began fast breaking and moving the ball more, commanded the respect of his players; suddenly Miami's the hottest team in the NBA. It's almost as open-and-shut as the ROY race, and almost as many innocent people are being shamelessly dunked on.
Regards to: Doc Rivers, Tom Thibodeau, Nate McMillan

Defensive Player of the Half - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
It seems almost redundant giving this trophy to Dwight again, and I tried long and hard to find someone who could legitimately swipe it way from him. But Howard's been way too much of a force; 2nd in rebounds, 3rd in blocks, becoming more and more the focus of dramatic overhauls to the opposition's offensive scheme. The numbers don't tell the whole story because Howard's long been the NBA's MAP (most avoided player); his mere presence lowers comfort levels, while also being the safety net for the likes of (formerly) Vince Carter, and (currently) Hedo Turkoglu. His importance can't be understanted because because of a few missing digits.
Regards to: Rajon Rondo, Tyson Chandler, Andrew Bogut

Sixth Man of the Half - George Hill, San Antonio Spurs
A fair share of the blame for the Spurs still being on top of the West (with Timmy D playing such a small role) can be pinned on Hill's emergence as a versatile cog off the bench; a combo guard who can score and distribute, always playing aggressive defense and carrying the business-like edge of a veteran Spur, and not a ringless newcomer. The Spurs hardly lose a step with him in the backcourt alongside Parker or (more rarely) Ginobili; another diamond dug out of the deep rough by RC Buford.
Regards to: Jamal Crawford (barely eligible), Serge Ibaka, JR Smith

MVP - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls
In what's shaping up to be the most compelling MVP race in recent memory, Rose has backed up his early season boasting with outstanding play that's kept Chicago near the top of the East despite injuries to both their other stars. Rose has been attacking the hoop with the same devastating quickness and athleticism that's scared defenders since he came onto the scene, although the sudden range he's developed has forced respect of his jumper and given him all the more room to operate, to the tune of almost 9 assists a game to run with 24 points. His biggest game have come against top competition and his attack has seamlessly shifted between assaulting weak perimeters and exploiting mismatches in the post, as needed. What more could you ask of the guy?
Regards to: Amar'e Stoudemire, Dirk Nowitzki, Dwight Howard

All-NBA

First Team - G- Derrick Rose/Kobe Bryant F- Dirk Nowitzki/Amar'e Stoudemire C-Dwight Howard

Second Team - G- Rajon Rondo/Russell Westbrook F- Lebron James/Kevin Durant C-Pau Gasol (because he's played half the season there and no true center deserves this)

Third Team - G- Deron Williams/Chris Paul F- Carmelo Anthony/Kevin Love C- Lamarcus Aldridge (see above comment)

While the League's individual Awards do a good job of singling out the most significant accomplishments among the season's many, their scope's pretty narrow, leaving plenty of deserving players without recognition. To celebrate their efforts, check back later this week for the Halftime version of the Basketball Banter Awards; celebrating the best (and worst) of the rest of the NBA...

Resolve This

2011-01-02T22:44:00.009-04:00

New Year's Resolutions are an unavoidable, yet ultimately pointless part of life. We (to varying extents) obsess over our imperfections, set often unrealistic, arbitrary goals off an artificial launching pad, and grow increasingly skeptical each year when we inevitably bail on them. Even people like me, who disagree with the supposed need to align self-improvement with a new calendar, are governed by tradition; constantly reminded by ubiquitous media blurbs (and the occasional nosy relative) about why we should suddenly be becoming better people.

That being said, the NBA season offers a more practical need for these things. The New Year represents a time for resolution; not because we flipped a digit, but because the schedule's a third over, and hitting its stride; roles have been defined, rotations sorted out, and the coming weeks are where teams truly develop the kind of productive habits (and maybe a make a few well-timed moves) that will translate to a successful season...and where those that don't will be left with lottery balls. So, in keeping with tradition (and the convenient cliche that this occasion provides every sports writer), here are some NBA"New Year's" Resolutions.

Atlanta Hawks - Get used to the view. Because the Hawks might be more firmly entrenched in no-mans-land than any other team. They're a few pieces away from contending; at best fourth on the depth chart of a very shallow conference. Yet their team is still (relatively) young and financially committed; neither of which tend to invite re-building among semi-successful teams.

Boston Celtics - Rest up. Rondo, and more gravely KG going down this early (especially when they're playing this well) aren't great signs for a team that's yet to suit up Kendrick Perkins and is still working in Jermaine O'Neal. Last year, they proved to everyone that they can flatline midseason and then make a Finals run from the 4-seed, so regular season wins won't be nearly as important as full health come the spring. Their balanced attack won't force too much on any one player, so stay on cruise control and hope the injury bug's bit already.

Charlotte Bobcats - Hire Michael Jordan an assistant; somebody to be the angel on his shoulder and show him how to run an NBA team anywhere but into the ground from the front office. Make a fucking trade. Do something. This team is boring as hell and clearly a downgrade from last season. Don't dwell on how well they players they lost are doing; Larry Brown wasn't the right coach for this team, but their problems run much deeper than personnel. Trade some of their veteran talent for youth and a new identity to run with the new coach; your team hit its ceiling at 6th in the East. Time to throw the switch.

Chicago Bulls - Clear all suitcases in Carlos Boozer's path. He's been an absolute monster this year, and the most injury-prone part of a team that could scare some of the East's best at full strength. Derek Rose's pre-season Slam cover's looking awfully prophetic, and Joakim Noah was becoming a true beast even playing through a lingering injury. Just keep 'Los healthy long enough for it to all come together.

Cleveland Cavaliers - Dig deep. Honestly. This team had itself believing that they were gonna be alright in Year One A.L. They played .500 ball (good enough for the 7 seed in the East these days) through the first few weeks, scared a few good teams, and had everyone outside of JJ Hickson making solid contributions. Then Lebron waltzed back into town, reminded everyone what they were missing, and took the wind out of the entire team when he left, not-at-all-coincidentally sending them into a complete meltdown. If they can forget James and develop a sense of optimism, they'll be alright, but right now they look like fish out of water.

Dallas Mavericks - Forget the past. This looks like a much different team from the one thats been sleeping through the playoffs for the last decade; they can still score from almost anywhere, but have a newfound defensive sense that will benefit them over 7 games. When April rolls around, they won't be able to avoid the naysayers who will expect them to fold, but Cuban's Mavs finally look like they might be built to last...if the recently rejuvenated (and more recently seriously injured) Caron Butler's back in time.

Denver Nuggets - Focus. Hard as it is amid the media frenzy. At some point in the next month in a half, you're going to have to trade the most talented player to wear your team's jersey, hell arguably ever. Two teams with several attractive pieces want him very badly, and you're in a position of power. You're going to have to milke every drop out of this unfortunate circumstance (clearly you're getting nowhere near equal value), while respecting the market and not being greedy, winding up like Phoenix. Months of speculation have led up to this, so make it worthwhile.

Detroit Pistons - Do something already. Their roster is chock full of talent that, despite many misguided attempts to be awkwardly forced together, just isn't meshing. Plenty of contenders could use a player like Tayshaun or Rip, and their young talent spends too much time lost in playing time shuffles to get anything going. Joe Dumars used to be the ballsiest GM in the NBA, but after the Iverson misfire, he's been very trigger shy. He needs to free up some floor time for the guys he can't trade (Villanueva, Gordon) rather than drowning them in comparable talent.

Golden State Warriors - Be honest with yourself. Sure, the Steph Curry/Monta Ellis backcourt is an exciting proposition; they're both awesome players. But the rest of the season needs to be a sincere evaluation of not only how compatible they are, but the true extent of their surely-stratospheric trade value. The Warriors have too many shortcomings for their two most talented players to be so similar, so once Curry gets healthy, keep an eye on things.

Houston Rockets - Launch Plan B. The Rockets have been stockpiling young talent at four positions, and now with Yao Ming's career apparently over, it's detonation time. This bunch is a fringe playoff team at 100%, even with Kevin Martin scoring at the proficient rate of his career and Luis Scola taking things to the next level. There's no shortage of teams looking for the kind of affordable talent that Houston plenty of; for the first time in half a decade they can hope to build towards a franchise player who can play a full season.

Indiana Pacers - Check Roy Hibbert's asthma meds. Much of the credit for Indy's early success was attirbuted to Hibbert's newfound bounce, which he in turn attributed to the discovery of activity-induced asthma and, um....hot yoga classes. Recently, Hibbert's been on the snide health and production-wise, while the Pacers are 3-7 over their last ten. It'll take a lot to fall out of the East playoffs, but this isn't a comforting trend for Pacers fans (if they really exist).

LA Clippers - Impeach Donald Sterling. Yong superstars are hard to please these days, and the Clips have a storied history of either letting young talent walk, or creating a situation so dysfunctional that no sane person would commit to it. Meanwhile, their belated rookie is an absolute monster who's pretty much wrapped the Shawn Kemp Memorial Award and looks like the kind of player that could finally turn things around for LA's Other Team...If Sterling doesn't ruin it for everyone. He's the worst owner in the league, and not exactly looking to sell, so make a public plea before you lose a guy who already looks like the best Clipper ever.

LA Lakers - Wake the fuck up. After the Lakers slept through a Christmas Day meltdown at the hands of the suddenly hot Heat, they were drubbed again on their homecourt by the Bucks and Grizzlies, plummeting to within a half-game of fifth and appearing to have lost any swagger or hunger they still carried over the summer. This team is talented, deep, and well-coached; they're the two-time defending champs and have no excuse for playing this poorly. It's all a matter of re-gaining that mentality, and the Zen Master won't let this carry on much longer.

Memphis Grizzlies - Grow comfortable with mediocrity. Like Atlanta, they've shackled themselves financially; committing to young talent that's worth holding onto, but hardly winning much of consequence. Unlike Atlanta, they've never won a playoff series in franchise history, so this team being a prime candidate for a close playoff snub should be about par for the course.

Miami Heat - ...Do nothing? The team everyone loves to hate is giving them all the more reason. They put the shaky start to bed and now look like a serious contender, rolling everyone in their path, including the Lakershow in their much-hyped Turkey showdown. Their 3 stars are all clicking and the momentum they're riding right now seems almost unbreakable, much to the discontent of basically everyone.

Milwaukee Bucks - Take the Fear out of the Deer. The Bucks are constantly playing in headlights. That's not entirely unexpected from a Scott Skiles team (I'm still waiting for HBO special on Bucks training camp, where John Salmons breaks down in one of those confessional interviews and reveals that Skiles whips him with a belt for missed jumpers), this was entirely unexpected. Ride the recent success out West into an easier schedule and remember, although it's slightly improved, you guys still play in the Eazy-East.

Minnesota T-Wolves - Ignore the W/L column. Not only because this team has pulled out several close losses to teams they had no business beating, but because they might be the most poorly mismatched bunch of talent in the NBA, and their terrible record belies the underrated progress of their young players. Kevin Love's clearly a beast, but impressive performances from everyone to Michael Beasley down to Wesley Johnson and even Luke Ridnour suggest that this team might be a couple shrewd moves away from something significant...Although "shrewd" might be among the last words used to describe David Kahn. They'd be best not to discourage themselves further.

New Jersey Nets - Kidnap LaLa Anthony and ship her to the Galapagos Islands. Without an MTV diva in Melo's ear about NYC, it's one less thing standing between them and, let's face it, the most important goal of theirs this season. With Prokhorov's bottomless pockets and rumored mob connects, how hard can it be?

New Orleans Hornets - Keep Chris Paul's coffee fresh. As the Hornets begin to show their true colors, the rumors about Paul's "surely imminent" departure are bound to creep out of the woodwork again. There's no telling just how much of a rebuilding effort he's willing to put up with, but if they think trading for his college rival/buddy to warm his bench spot is the difference..well...might be time for a new pot.

New York Knicks - Pray this 'Melo thing works. 'Cause the speculation around this; everyone from Spike to Anthony himself saying it's a sure thing, on the heels of this summer, will not die over well if he winds up in East Rutherford, or Brooklyn, or wherever the hell the Nets are playing next year.

Oklahoma City Thunder - Don't sweat expectations. There was almost too much hype surrounding these guys preseason; people tagging them as the undisputed bridesmaids to the inevitable Lakers crown. Be honest, they're still a ways from peaking; this team has won exactly two playoff games and even with this season's baby steps, is still ahead of its time. Forget that experienced, talented teams are where they were supposed to be; they've got the talent, and the experience to put them among the elite will come quickly if they don't get frustrated and keep growing.

Orlando Magic - Find a third big man. The blitzkrieg attack the Magic have been launching since their recent blockbusters has looked a lot better than the languid mess they were previously regressing into. Brandon Bass looks like a fine starting 4 in their system. But the onus they'll be putting on D12 in a physical 7 game series just got a lot bigger, especially against the onimous Celtics. The Arenas move shouldn't be their last.

Philadelphia 76ers - Trade Andre Iguodala now. He's having a sub-par season that's more easily blamed on your crappy offense the less it persists. Thaddeus Young is a less expensive alternative who creates mismatches against virtually every opposing 3 and always produces when injuries to Philly's overpaid frontcourt free him up. Oh yeah, and the team's awful; has been for years. Mix it up already.

Phoenix Suns - Resign yourselves to the same fate as the Grizz; an early playoff exit or a late lottery pick. Purgatory sucks doesn't it.

Portland Trailblazers - Fire your fucking trainer, if it wasn't already done a long time ago.

Sacramento Kings - Do something with your frontcourt. It's a mess. They have equally talented players who don't complement each other well at all, fighting for minutes at all spots. Jason Thompson sees most of his minutes out of position at the 3. Carl Landry never gets the consistent floor time to develop the rhythym he had in Houston. This team gets lumped in with Minny and Detroit among bottom dwellers who would give themselves a much better chance this season if they'd stop squatting on such incompatible talent.

San Antonio Spurs - Trust everything Gregg Popovich tells you. This especially applies to his notion that a good start in a conference full of underperforming (and unhealthy) teams is bad for them, but also to generally anything he says. If Gregg Popovich told me he was Jesus reincarnated, I'd feel inclined to believe him.

Toronto Raptors - Play defense; if that doesn't work (and it likely won't), trade for players that do. It's like a broken "Party in the USA" record, repetitive and annoying. The Raps can't seem to bolster their roster with enough defensive toughness to offset their liabilities. Now armed with maybe the League's best expiring deal, they can look to land something functional.

Utah Jazz - Win the West. Because it's not out of reach and probably the only thing they can do to get Jerry Sloan the Coach of the Year award he shamefully hasn't won yet.

Washington Wizards - Convince Javale Mcgee and Andray Blatche to grow the f*** up. Anger management, boot camp, Nanny 911, whatever they need. After ridding themselves of Gilbert, Washington's new resident headcases have been causing problems all year. Sad part is, they're two the the NBA's most promising young bigs; but maturity seems hard to come by in DC.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season; more importantly good luck getting back to real life. See y'all on the weekend.

Javale Mcgee Knows No Fear

2010-12-21T00:56:00.001-04:00

One of the many highlights of League Pass this season has been getting to watch Javale Mcgee on a regular basis. Washington's highly athletic, highly inconsistent starting centre is truly unique. He's versatile; comfortable both posting and facing up far from the basket, where his go-to move is typically an unconscious dribble in the general area of the hoop, followed by a long-jump-style leap into an awkward floater over 3 defenders, while Andray Blatche and Al Thornton stand wide open in disgust. It's absolutely hilarious. (Every now and then, when he's motivated, he turns into a one-man shot-blocking production line, sending anything that comes near the net into the 20th row, but back to the point...)

Last week, the Wiz were being completely waxed by the Kings in a mundane affair that obviously left Mcgee craving more excitement. In the game's waning moments, he found himself on a wide open break, decided to attempt a free-throw line dunk, and missed it as horribly and awkwardly as humanly possible (...and believe me, I know a thing or two about embarrassing missed dunks).

Evidently, the jeers from the crowd, the laughs from his teammates, and the dubious internet stardom (his shank was featured on Yahoo's homepage, among other places) haven't phased him. A few nights later, well...if you haven't seen this already, you really need to just take it in and come up with your own ridiculous adjective for it; the title says it well. This guy might be my new favourite player in the league.

To Sad Endings & New Beginnings...

2010-12-19T12:07:00.007-04:00

When news broke earlier this week of a stress fracture in Yao Ming's foot ending his season for the zillionth time, reactions throughout the basketball community were, well, subdued. Although this was obviously a tragic setback for a star who put retirement ahead of more rehab, there was an utter lack of surprise; to some extent, we all knew this was coming. Like Greg Oden before him, we'd all seen Yao succumb to his own body too many times to expect he'd get it together.

Yao was different though, in that he had already established himself as a star in this League, and probably would've been fine if the commies running China's national team had bothered to let him rest for a few weeks during the prime of his career. Yao played in 82, 82 and 80 his first three seasons, and was becoming a dominant talent. But the second Houston's seasons ended, he was shipped back to the homeland for a busy international schedule that often had him arriving late for training camp and certainly betrayed the concept of an "offseason". As the constant pounding took its toll (remember, 350 pounds is a lot to carry around), Yao averaged an anemic 58 games over the next four seasons, before shutting it down all of last year, and now facing a similar fate.

It seems far safer to call Yao's career over, relative to Oden's. He's older, has nothing really to prove, owns his own pro team in China, and has already hinted at this being the end. It's also far more difficult; he was a much better player and a noble, gregarious global ambassador for a league that's clearly looking to grow its international influence. If this is the last we see of him - and all signs point to it being that way - what a shitty (albeit predictable) way for it all to end. Keep your head up Yao, hope that "fried chicken and beer" tastes damn good.

Only a few days of mourning passed before Yao's dilemma was sidetracked by the season's first blockbuster(s), which dramatically overhauled the floundering Orlando Magic. Their first deal shipped Vincent Lamar to Phoenix, along with Mickael Pietrus and Marcin Gortat, in exchange for Jason Richardson, Earl Clark and the ghost of Hedo Turkoglu. As though that weren't enough of a dice roll, the Magic then shipped Rashard Lewis to Washington for Gilbert Arenas, setting a new Guinness record for "shitty NBA contracts traded in a single day".

Phoenix, caught in that awkward no-mans-land between contending and rebuilding, now at least has a more functional team. While they shed two of their 90 small forwards, they gained a legitimate centre and probably the only defensive-minded player on their roster. Gortat will allow Channing Frye and Robin Lopez to spend more time at the 4 (where both of them should be more effective), helping to shore up the league's worst-rebounding team. The jury's still out on whether Vince can provide any positive effect, but I can already envision Steve Nash becoming frustrated with him and freezing him out of the offense. In about two weeks. Ultimately, these Suns, (read:Nash) have made offensive contributors out of anyone they've plugged in, so the versatility they gained should outweigh the firepower they lost.

Washington, meanwhile, made a dubious decision. Trading Gilbert was an obvious move; after last season's handgun mishap and John Wall's drafting, he made (Agent) Zero sense for them. What made even less sense (I know it's mathematically impossible, but work with me here) was for them to take on what's very likely, dollar-for-dollar, the worst contract in the NBA in return. Lewis' monster of a deal comes off the books a year later than Gilbert's, forcing a rebuilding team that's losing money even more than easy games into deeper financial commitment. Although Wall will have a much more freedom now, the team as a whole might've just enslaved themselves.

...Which brings us to Orlando; the centrepiece of these blockbusters and the team with, far and away, the most to lose. After losing 5 of 6 and watching Boston and Miami reel off double-digit win streaks, I've heard this makeover get called everything from a panic move to a calculated gamble. The Magic gained a lot of offensive potency, picking up two bonafide scorers and returning Hedo to a city that clearly has some sort of PED-type effect on his game. Vince and Rashard were both having their worst seasons in recent memory, so getting rid of them wasn't hard, but fitting the new pieces together may be harder than it looks... (disclaimer: I'm of the firm belief that the Magic aren't done dealing yet, but let's proceed under the necessary assumption that they're going to try and win a title with this team)

First of all, this was a very expensive move for the Magic. They shed Lewis and Carter's bloated contracts, but also took on those of Arenas, Turkoglu and (to a lesser extent) Richardson, while burying JJ Redick (35$ mil this past offseason) on the bench. Obviously they're a successful team in a competitive market, but they just raised their risk profile considerably.

Defense also becomes a serious achilles heel for this team. Forget that they have Howard in the middle, the Magic have now lost their only potent wing defenders (Pietrus, and previously Matt Barnes), and given up Gortat; an excellent defender himself, and one of the NBA's best backup big men. Not that Carter or Lewis was a great defender, but all this does is increase the reliance on Howard, with more holes to patch, which will likely lead to more help-D fouls and less time on the court for their franchise player.

Orlando now possesses the weapons to be an offensive nightmare, but leaves serious doubts about its ability to succeed in the physical, halfcourt grind of the playoffs. They made it to the Finals two years ago with Dwight drawing coverage and open 3's raining from all angles, but the competition is far tougher this year. Dwight will have a much harder time dominating Boston's deep frontcourt than he did the Cavs' joke of one, and Miami's Superfriends will be much harder to match up with in an up-tempo shootout.

Orlando looks to be on Phoenix's flipside after this trade; they're certainly more talented, but perhaps less functional. In any event, it looked like a move needed to be made, and the front office certainly can't be blamed for a lack of balls. Regardless of whether this team's done shuffling, it'll be a serious adjustment for Stan Van Jeremy, D12, Jameer, hell the rest of the East's contenders. The Magic seriously shook things up here; it's gonna take a while for it to settle and see just what the payoff is. That being said, there's been an epidemic of complacency around the NBA lately when moves clearly need to be made, so Orlando should be applauded for pulling the trigger and at least rolling the dice before the season slid further.

Why Lebron James Is F***ing Stupid

2010-12-15T23:19:00.007-04:00

Greetings, fellow basketball junkies. I hope all is well, or least better than my face looks right now (just had a couple operations, mouth is a little swollen...ok, hell I look like an unshaven Stan Van Gundy).

We're a quarter of the way through the NBA season right now (weird I know...what's that "they" always say about time flying?), and I've tried to avoid talking at length about the Miami Heat, more specifically Lebron James. The media overkill the past couple of months was completely sadistic. You would've thought most of the Associated Press and CNNSI's staff were Cleveland residents or romantically linked to Mo Williams the way they blindly took shots at James, blaming him for everything short of 9/11 with reckless idiocy. While in the past, I'd be quick to defend Lebron (and more recently been inclined to play the role of Switzerland), I feel like I've held my tongue enough. It's clear at this point that he needs to be called to task.

Lebron James made an irreconcilably idiotic move this summer. No, it wasn't his "Decision" to do that stupid TV special. It wasn't all that bodacious jersey-popping during that dumb welcome party. It wasn't wallowing in silent self-defense mode all summer while the World spewed venom, eroding his almost-holy public image...Nor was it the choice to, when he finally opened up, play the race card at the worst possible juncture. All of these mis-steps are slowly being rectified; by time, by the Heat's improved play, by James' cold-hearted return to Cleveland and their subsequent complete collapse, and eventually (?) by championships...But the lasting crater in James' legacy was cast not by what he did, but what he didn't do: Sign with the Chicago Bulls. Here's why:

Think About the Squad: Team chemistry and cohesiveness are of utmost importance to any squad that hopes to accomplish big things (see 2004 Pistons, 2008 Celtics, any Spurs team from the early-mid 2000's), and can seriously damage the aspirations of those that don't have it (see 2004 Lakers, 2007 Mavs, 2010 Cavaliers). What Miami snagged this summer are 3 unreal talents, but they've already shown problems co-existing as an unprecedented investment. Wade and James both dominate the ball as scorers and creators, neither the undisputed leader. Meanwhile Bosh lacks the size or toughness to deliver what Miami truly needs: a scary center to combat D12 and Boston's 3-headed monster. Had Lebron gone to Chicago, he would have been paired with Derrick Rose, who has played better ball than Dwyane Wade this season, proving himself a lethal scorer/playmaker who's younger and much less injury-prone. Their post patrol are arguably the best-rebounding duo in the NBA; one's also arguably its best low-post scorer, while the other is the league's foremost hustle junkie and one of its most feared defenders. Neither of them need to dominate the ball to be effective, and either one of them would suit Lebron better than Bosh in the spring when Miami forays into the physical playoff grind.

Surrounding this dynamite quartet would be a group much more favorable than the Heat's. Luol Deng may be an overpaid coulda-been, but he's also miles better than anyone 4-12 on Miami's roster. Taj Gibson is an energetic and dynamic forward who's been a capable starter whenever given minutes. Keith Bogans is a solid defender and role-player (a step down from Ronnie Brewer if Lebron signs and the Bulls can't afford him, but lets not split hairs), Omer Asik's youth has to make him more appealing than any of Miami's centers, and if you think James Jones has been lights out, just imagine what Kyle Korver would've done from distance with 3 players drawing doubles regularly.

Chicago's deeper, they're younger, they're more athletic, and are led by a highly-respected coach. Hell, they've played without Boozer for most of the year and are barely trailing Miami in the standings. They have a thicker core that's more resilient to injury with much more financial flexibility going forward (you know, in case Wade gets injured or something, not like that ever happens tho...) Now imagine them with Lebron...

The Buddy System: So Bosh and Wade teamed up in Miami. Big Surprise. Bosh was clearly a jock-rider who folded like 6-2 offsuit when it was time to lead his team, so that alliance was easy to see coming. In the same breath, Lebron's clearly big on friendship (more on that in a minute), he saw a chance to not only join talent, but reach out to old comrades. It would be a cute gesture in Little League...But this is the f***ing NBA; players competitive fires should be raging to overpower one-another, not unite and douse one another's desire. How cool would it have been to have James take the higher road, tell Dwyane "You can have South Beach. It's been your town" and instantly create a rivalry for the ages, with 3 forever-linked buddies clashing for a crown. Throw in a few catalysts (Bron still needs to exact revenge upon Boston and Orlando), and we're talking a four-way, highly-personal battle royal for the East; the most excitement the conference has seen since the mid-90s.

Unfortunately, competitive excitement must not be too high on Lebron James' priority list. In fact, his actions this summer (and subsequent fallout) revealed someone who's far too buddy-centric, both through his Decision and his reliance on poor advice from the childhood friends who have his ear. Now don't think I'm condemning camaraderie here; friends are an essential part of life who are there to celebrate with you when times are good and help bring you back up when they're not. But there comes a time in a man's life when he needs to stand on his own two and make a constructive decision regardless of what his friends are telling him. When the legacy of the potential GOAT hangs in the balance, it's a prime example of one of those times.

Be your own Legend: A lot of the shit James took this summer was for his alleged cowardice; being afraid to shoulder the burden the Cavs threw so heavily on him, he ran to share the spotlight with other superstars. There was that infamous "none of us needs to go all-out every night anymore", and the backlash from Jordan, Magic, Bird; the media had a field day, hell, there was probably a Vernon Maxwell call-out somewhere down the line.

The simple reality is that the massive PR hit James took this summer would've swollen a lot less if he'd (yeah, you know) signed with the Bulls. Think about it. Instead of aligning himself with friends and fame, he could've joined a more coherently structured team and began the ultimate legacy: in the house Mike built. Respect the Past (and the statue out front), but let the World know that you're the Present and Future; you're fearless and you'll dominate anywhere. Instead of MJ bashing your premature complacency, he, and the rest of us, admire your desire to be the best against any standard.

Yeah, that's fucking crazy, I know. Your balls would have to be the size of that big screen at the new Cowboys' stadium. But prior to this July, if anyone in the World could've done it, it was Lebron James. Furthermore, had James gone to Chicago, "failure" would be MUCH harder to come by. If Miami never wins the 5 titles everyone assumes, then James' legacy will run a heavy rust risk; he'll be looked upon as a sellout, albeit an insanely talented one. If the Bulls (where logic would suggest failure being less likely), didn't cop Dynasty status, then James still attempted to make his mark on Jordan's stage, which in any event is far more admirable. James, Wade, and all the game's greats are incessantly compared to Jordan in every stretched context, whether it's fair, logical, or anything in between. It would've been refreshing for the game's best player, for once, to embrace that lofty parallel instead of shy away.

There's not much point in lamenting any further. Lebron James, one of the game's all-time great talents, fucked up the most important decision of his life this summer, on various levels.

Priorities got messed up, and although the Heat are looking much better of late, what was once (and should've stayed) a legacy of dominance and fearlessness has been forever stained, regardless if he ever gets a chance to prove his now-legions of haters wrong.

Lebron's overkilled Nike commercial was recently clapped-back at by a stirring ad for the Jordan brand (which inspired me to write this column after silently contemplating it for five months) that features Michael himself suggesting "maybe, you're just making excuses". Had he used his head back in July, James wouldn't have had to say a word.

PED Watch: The Early Most Improved Candidates

2010-11-29T22:56:00.007-04:00

Now well into December, we're already rounding the corner of the regular season's first quarter, weird as it seems. "Weird"s also a rather appropriate way to describe the NBA season so far; things are just a bit out of place. I mean sure, the Lakers, Spurs, Magic and Celtics are kicking ass, Greg Oden and Yao Ming are down for the count, the Clippers are underwhelming and every player who isn't a Boston Celtic hates Kevin Garnett, some things never change...

But look at the other side: The almighty Heat, despite having hit their stride since The Return, have kinda sucked so far. The Indiana Pacers, long buried in boredom and awfulness, have been kinda good. A 6'9" white dude who your arthritic grandfather can outjump is owning the rebounding game. Derek Rose can suddenly shoot, Brook Lopez suddenly can't, Darko Milicic suddenly is a legit starting center and the Post-Bosh Raptors (!) actually look like playoff contenders. Hell, the early-season MVP favorite hasn't been the best player on his own team so far, in a race where the names "James" and "Wade" are nowhere to be found for the first time in over a half-decade.

Yep, things are-a-changin' all over the league, as it is with these next few players; the guys who really put in work over the summer and have come out with significantly improved game, the early season favorites for Most Improved Player...

Roy Hibbert - A big part of the Pacers' impressive early start (and subsequent shaking of Least Relevant status) has been Hibbert showing up looking 50 pounds lighter than last spring and displaying a more polished offensive game than ever. His svelte new cut has meant an improved motor without all that weight to carry; he attacks the boards harder, still imposes as a shot blocker, and finishes with greater athleticism. Indiana's resurgence this year has been almost as unlikely as Hibbert's transition from immobile mass to future All-Star.

Eric Gordon -Despite his recent 3-point woes, the all-around maturation of Gordon's game has given the Clippers one of the best young prospects they'll ever eventually lose to free agency. One of the many beneficiaries of the "Team USA" effect(no joke, with the exception of a slightly-injured Kevin Durant, every player from that team has come back much better than last season), Gordon has become a relentless basket-attacker who gets to the line at an alarming rate and defends the wing much better than your typical scoring 2. Unfortuantely for him, the growth he experienced this summer is unlikely to be fostered well while sharing a backcourt with Baron Davis and playing for the f***ing Clippers.

Kevin Love - Nobody's arguing about playing time now. Perhaps sparked by an opening-night benching, Love has been dropping 20/20 more than your local optometrist and pairing with a fellow MIP candidate (see below) to make Minnesota's frontcourt future without Al Jefferson look pretty bright. Another Team USA vet, Love has also displayed an impressive touch from distance, recently icing 43 straight free-throws and tying a franchise mark with 8 consecutive 3's made. His improved scoring, unlikely dominance of the boards, and now unquestioned role in Minny's frountcourt will make him a strong candidate all year.

Michael Beasley -Emerging from his purple haze, Beasley has been re-born in a T-Wolves jersey as a much more potent scorer who plays with more energy on both ends of the floor. His early-season outburst of 25+ games fueled his confidence and earned him the green light as the go-to guy Minnesota thought they'd spend the whole season searching for. While he waits for his defensive attention span and decision-making to catch up with his knack for putting the ball the in the basket, Beasley can operate under the low expectations and long leash of one of the NBA's worst teams, and hopefully not lose his mind again.

Darko Milicic - I mean, the rest of Minnesota's frontcourt's here, why not round out the lineup? Milicic has come out of nowhere this year with several monster offensive performances to complement his league-leading shotblocking. He rebounds with more aggression, is becoming a more confident passer, and scores efficiently when Michael Beasley decides to share the ball. He's still eons away from justifying his immortally moronic draft selection, but after such immense disappointment, its encouraging to see he's finally becoming, well, something.

Russell Westbrook -Team USA stand up! Westbrook has been putting up absolutely gaudy numbers for a Thunder squad that's found itself in an awkward early-season purgatory between last year's 8th seed and this season's immense expectations. While Kevin Durant's been at less than 100%, Westbrook has picked up the slack as a lethal scoring threat, improving his jumper while getting to the hoop against anyone and wetting 90% from the stripe. He's upped his assists, rebounds and steals, while owning the floor in recent overtime Ws at Indiana and New Jersey. Everyone knew Westbrook was good, but if the season ended today he'd likely get more MVP votes than his boy KD.

Dorrell Wright -Wright, foolishly disbanded from the Heat's makeover, landed in Oakland where he found a niche in the Warriors' new slightly-more-defensive scheme with his length and athleticism on the perimeter. Along the way, he proved himself to be a lethal 3-point shooter, which never hurts your stock in Golden State. The result has been increased numbers across the board for Wright, including a double-up in scoring. He may be seeing the floor twice as much, but his game has obviously improved if he could only log 20/game with the shallowest team in the League last year.

Raymond Felton - Mike D'Antoni has significantly augmented the career prospects of yet another point guard. After getting two MVP's for Steve Nash and a guaranteed contract for Chris Duhon, Mike plucked Raymond Felton from the obscurity of the Bobcats and made him a star in the Big Apple. Felton's responded by playmaking at a much more efficient rate and becoming the dangerous scorer that the Bobcats' molasses-paced offense never allowed for, and unlike previous D'Antoni quarterbacks, he's a solid defender, hawking almost 2 balls/game. When the Knicks return to the playoffs in April, they should give him a garnished portion of Eddy Curry's salary.

Tyson Chandler - Everyone and their grandma claimed Chandler had gone the way of forever-linked-classmate Edward Curry after the dud he put up last year. A trade to Dallas and a summer with the best young players in the country did wonders for a re-born Chandler who appears to have gone the way of Hedo Turkoglu circa 2008 instead. Anchoring the best defense the Mavs have ever fielded, he's a feared rebounder and shot-blocker who's proving he can finish without Chris Paul setting him up and earning praise from teammates and media alike for his improved basketball IQ and court awareness.

Jrue Holiday -Surprising nobody, the Sixers are pretty bad this year. A mis-matched bunch of youngsters with very little identity or cohesion are bound for another wayward season. In this instance though, the lack of direction should be blamed on the ship and not the captain, for the guy running the point for the Sixers might be the only thing that's right about them right now. Holiday brings a unique mix of scoring and adept playmaking; he's Lou Williams on ritalin. He plays a controlled game, defends well, and would be getting many more assists on a team that wasn't so shitty on offense. The 76ers have been part of rampant trade talk, in which Holidays has been rumored to be their only untouchable, which can't be very good news for him.

Seriously? Nah, You're Joking...

2010-11-23T23:24:00.006-04:00

I know, I couldn't believe it either. Just as one often-mocked draft bust solidified his legacy, another, seemingly bound for eternal damnation, sought to create a new one. The big buzz around the NBA has been punchline/punching bag Darko Milicic showcasing more talent this past week than in seven prior seasons combined. His latest outing of 21/4/2 with 3 blocked shots was preceded by 23/16/5, swatting 6 against the feared Lakers frontcourt (I know you've heard about it 100 times by now, but read that over again a few times, maybe Youtube some Darko Milicic compilations to remind yourself just how bad he is, and really appreciate it).

Seems like Darko - who had previously developed into a respectable rebounder and good shot blocker - has found a way to be something more than a moving screen on offense, being called "unstoppable" by Kevin Durant after a close Thunder victory. After endless awkward trials to adapt Milicic to the NBA game had failed, it seemed he'd never get it together. Two games is relatively little to be excited over, but if Milicic can keep himself anywhere near this lever of production, he might be able to salvage a career that, as recently as last summer, had frustrated him to the point of near-retirement. Not to mention that the same player who began to make Joe Dumars (formerly the smartest man in basketball) look like an idiot, might make David Kahn (a confused lunatic with the cognitive ability of vegetable lasagna) actually look kind of smart. Funny how shit works out sometimes.

Elsewhere, the Toronto Raptors made the first big splash in the trade market, shipping Jarrett Jack, Tracy Morgan and Joe Dirt to the Hornets for Jarryd Bayless, and some guy named Predrag, who hasn't done anything noteworthy lately, but apparently this guy was fourth in MVP voting a few years ago so he must be okay, right?

In all seriousness, Stojakovic fits the Raptors mold for a ton of reasons:
a) he's white and European
b) he's allegedly a good shooter
c) he can't create his own shot or defend a third-grade child
but most importantly...
d) his contract is worth more than the BP cleanup and expires this year, giving a team with way too much long-term capital to have won two games a lot of flex room.

The Raps are an absolute mess (speaking of the BP disaster...) but at least Brian Colangelo's begun to reason that re-building comes through change and sustainability, not greedily throwing money at your problems like he (...and BP...) did this summer. After burying the Raptors' slowly-fossilizing remains in the bloated contracts of Andrea Bargnani, Jose Calderon, (indirectly, now) Hedo Turkoglu and Amir Johnson, he's finally starting to dig them out of their hole.

See you guys in a few days. Please, for your safety, remember to stay of out Blake Griffin's way.

Requiem for a Career

2010-11-18T13:02:00.005-04:00

"Microfracture surgery" and "Greg Oden" are probably the most devastating injury-related terms in pro basketball right now, so when they're mentioned in the same sentence, you know not to take the situation lately. News broke last night of yet another devastation, the latest in a list longer than Shawn Kemp's baby mamas, one that will keep the former no. 1 pick in suits for the rest of the season.

The easy assumption is that his career is over. There have been too many long-term issues with this dude's entire anatomy for any GM off the Great Lakes to want to invest in him; forget the wear-and-tear of an NBA season, Oden's body has regularly succumbed to rehab. In terms of on-court development, he's essentially still in his first year; he's not getting any younger and, at this rate, will be ordering off the senior's menu at IHOP by the time he fulfills his rookie contract. With every passing season, and every awkward, dubious ailment, there was always that slight hope that "maybe, just maybe, Greg Oden can stay on the court this year", but any optimism the Blazers and their fans could've held onto must be dead now. We hardly knew ya.

Whether Oden's ever healthy enough to return to pro basketball, this latest setback will likely cement a historical draft day faux-pas; one that reeks eerily of Portland's immortal fuck-up in '84. Although Oden was touted as a revolutionary defensive presence, nobody needs Captain Hindsight to point out the meteoric rise of the neglected Kevin Durant, only adding insult to injury, after injury, after injury. There's no telling where the Blazers would be had they gone the other route on that fateful day (clearly much closer to a title), but at least they walk away from this mess finally knowing damn well never, under any circumstances, to draft a center with their top pick.

While we're witnessing history here, we're also caught up in a young man's tragedy. I'll be the first to admit that I've had many laughs at Greg's expense, from his bumbling injuries, to him awkwardly and unintentionally ending Dikembe Mutombo's career, to him getting his penis shown to way more people than was ever hoped. But you can't help but feel terrible for this guy right now. His entire life, he was touted as basketball's next big thing; a can't-miss prospect bound for NBA stardom, success and (obviously) millions upon millions of dollars...And now that's all in serious jeopardy. Even if Oden's able to bounce back and have a productive career (which seems very f***ing unlikely at this point), it certainly won't be like it was supposed to.

Never mind Lebron, Greg Oden's really the one asking himself "What should I do?". Hell if I know; he's in an unbearable predicament none of us should envy. All the best going forward, Mr. Oden.

The Appearance of Legitimacy

2010-11-10T15:47:00.007-04:00

The 2010-11 NBA season, barely a fortnight old, will be a climactic paradox and carefully manipulated optical illusion. Most fans are going to be distracted by the trials of the Heat, the tribulations of the T-Wolves, the Lakers' quest for another 3-peat, and countless other compelling stories that are unfolding. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, a league that couldn't appear to have much more going for it is having, at least by David Stern's standards, a meltdown.

The last decade was far from kind to the NBA; two waves of economic crisis, rampant player misbehavior, dwindling ratings and attendance, Donaghygate, that whole dress code mishap...Things were another Damon Stoudamire drug arrest away from coming completely undone. The Sternbot, as usual, did a respectable job of protecting his product, but the owners got greedy and began overpaying mediocre-awful players of all shapes and sizes. While those ratings fell and attendance died along with the average American's disposable income, revenues hardly justified the reckless spending, but didn't stop the madness.

Jerome James. Raef Lafrentz. Brian Cardinal. Wally Szczerjiashnfk. Adonal Foyle. The Kandi Man. Beno Udrih. Erick Dampier. Eddy Curry. Rashard Lewis. Charlie Villanueva. Darko Milicic. Amir Johnson. Most recently, Mike Conley. A combination of temporary on-court brilliance and temporary front-office stupidity led to a lot of teams in small markets leaking money like blood in your typical Dexter episode...and the league's apparently losing millions, headed for a lockout, and talking about contraction. Things are about to get ugly.

The current CBA on its deathbed, its wake will be marred by bickering and litigation between players who are understandably pissed about not benefiting from this idiocy, and owners who can't afford to keep being, well, idiots. This idiocy might cost us the first few months of next season, maybe the whole thing, hell it might be even longer if the same type of logic that dug this whole is used to bury it. In the meantime, keeping this impending mess buried beneath the headlines will be easy for Stern and Co: there should be no shortage of them. But the NBA might have done too much damage to get itself there; we've got ourselves a League that's very top-heavy on talent, leaving many teams struggling to stay above water; rising salaries working against a shrinking cap. The front office is going to have to work harder than a Scott Skiles team on a 3-game losing skid to stay out of the danger zone yet again, and after the run they've just had, can ill afford another blow...

...But in the meantime...

- The New Orleans Hornets (!) have slugged it out as the last remaining unbeaten team, against the better judgement of just about everyone. Defensive cohesiveness and a balanced scoring attack have triggered an impressive run that can hardly be blamed on a soft schedule and has stolen all the wind from those Chris Paul trade rumors. Yes, it's still early, but the Hornets have stood out among a slew of impressive starts. I know I was far from alone in pegging them as a lottery team; they're making plenty of fans second-guess themselves with every passing game.

- Minnesota might finally be forced to give the best player starter's minutes after Kevin Love erupted for the hallowed 30/30 against the Knicks; something nobody's done since Moses Malone 28 years ago. Yeah, Shaq, Hakeem, The Admiral, Patrick Chewing, The Mailman, Barkley, Timmy D, KG, none of them ever did that. It's a pretty loud statement coming from a guy who's been averaging 28 minutes/game so far this year, but given the stubbornness and lack of clarity shown by the T-Wolves' suits the past few years, there's no telling if the message was heard...

- Alarms are continuing to sound in Miami after they blew a 20-point lead to the Jazz and needed an LBJ Takeover to even make things close with Boston for the second time in as many weeks. While there are obviously cohesion issues with a team assembled largely form players who've never shared uniforms, more glaring problems are showing. Lebron's complaining about minutes (and then explaining himself...seems like he's had to do that a lot lately...at least he got a Person of the Year nod from Time out of it). Dwyane looks like he misses having the ball so much and goes 1 0n 5 with little hesitation. Bosh is being regularly manhandled on a team even shorter on size than the Raptors, and he'll be the only player not to regularly benefit from Wade/James double-teams. Time (and a healthy Mike Miller) will only help, but talk of 70 wins has suddenly ceded and been replaced with more question marks than Pat Riley had ever hoped to answer to.

- Things are looking relatively better in the city LBJ deserted, where the "desolate" Cavs have been playing close to .500 ball against tough-ish opposition and actually spent a couple days ahead of the Heat in the East standings. Cleveland has a reasonably talented team (at least when you put them up against the rest of the Right Coast's bottom feeders), and now that they're not being coached by a McDonalds mascot's retarded brother, are continuing their tough defending while moving the ball more effectively than they're used to and taking advantage of their many shooters. Feel-good stories are corny as hell, but this is a team that had every reason and excuse to fall apart; and one we should all be rooting for.

- A quick moment to truly appreciate what the Indiana Pacers did to the Denver Nuggets the other night: A merciless and ridiculous 54-point quarter, in which the Pacers were an ill-advised Josh McRoberts 3 attempt from going 20-20 from the field. Yup. The f***ing Pacers. The Nuggets have been known to indulge in the occasional defensive lapse, but that'd be too absurd to believe if I hadn't seen it (what up League Pass!). Of course, if only logically follows that two nights later, those same Nuggets handed the defending champs their first loss of the season.

I'm out for now; check back later this week for PED Watch, as Banter takes a look at the season's early Most Improved Player candidates.

One Week In...

2010-11-01T13:57:00.006-03:00

Well, it's happened; we're officially back into the regular season grind. After about a week's worth of action, our appetites for somewhat meaningful basketball have been whet, but there's plenty of the ususal early-season uncertainty lingering; things have yet to really take form. While the dust settles and we wait for everything to fall into place, here's a few thoughts from Opening Week:

- When the Wolves traded Al Jefferson to the Jazz in what had to be salary dump (though presuming to know what exactly motivates David Kahn's decisions is foolish and dangerous), the assumption was that versatile pivotman Kevin Love would become the team's new focal point. Naturally, a few eyebrows were raised when Love spent the latter of their opening-night L to the Kings on the bench, his minutes beasted by journeyman Anthony Tolliver. Immediate rumors of dissent began cirulating, stemming from Love's open doubts about his team's long-term plans and an alleged beef with head coach Kurt Rambis. This pattern continuing will lead nowhere constructive, but then again, nothing Kahn's done yet has either. Now that the Knicks are a somehwat-legitimate franchise again, it's comforting to know that at least one billionaire out there's willing to place his valued asset in the hands of a confused dunce for our amusement.

- Rajon Rondo continues to defy adjectives, racking up a ridiculous 24 assists to help the Celts avoid a second humbling loss to a much worse team. Rondo's brilliance - especially in the playoffs - has been almost redundant, but there's still a seeming reluctance to include him in the discussion of Paul, Williams, and (in some circles) even Nash as the NBA's best point guard. Put that talk to rest. I know, me, you and half the European Rider Cup team have nicer jumpers, but Rondo is a transcendant game-changer in every other aspect. As Boston gradually slides into senility, this'll be more and more his team, and that doesn't seem like a bad thing at all.

- The Heat's opening night L to the Celtics stirred up painful memories of last spring's dismantling of the Cleveland Cavaliers: an awkward mess of laughable offensive chemistry that eventually drove Lebron James into "F*** This, I'm Taking Over" mode, only to fall juuust short of a win. Obviously there was going to be a few jitters on opening night, on the road, against the menacing D of a team that arguably was a Kendrick Perkins injury away from kicking off the season with their own ring ceremony...But Miami looked just fucking awful. Alarms went off immediately, but the Superfriends responded with complete dustings of (expectedly) New Jersey and (impressively) Orlando. James, Wade and Bosh are (understandably) still getting used to their new surroundings, and although this was (obviously) going to be a process, Miami (clearly) got sent a message on opening night.

- Nobody's really surprised that the Lakers are still 3-0, but anyone who nabbed the Hawks, Blazers and Hornets as the squads joining them among the last unbeatean deserves a beer or five. Portland took advantage of a sorta weak week (although they looked very nice in an opening-night road win against the unorthodox Suns), while N.O. grinded out three impressive wins over playoff teams that were all favored. The Big Easy was supposed to be a Big Question Mark this year with Chris Paul's ominous trade desire, but a healthy CP3 and a roster of similar talent almost won the West a couple years ago. Obviously it can't be assumed they'll keep this up all year, but if they do, it'll be hard to picture him going anywhere.

- From an allegedly unhappy superstar to one who's just plain blatantly unhappy, Carmelo Anthony has become more vocal about his need to find a basketball court closer to sea level. An obvious inconvenience to a team whose Western Powerhouse status was already in danger, but how exactly this will play out is anybody's guess. Everyone from 'Melo to Spike Lee and countless internet conspiracy theorists see blue and orange in Anthony's future, but the odds are stacked against the Knicks landing him. See, the simple truth is that Carmelo Anthony is incredibly unlikely to be a free agent next summer, so he's unlikely to have an ultimate say in the matter. There's a 0% chance the Nuggets are going to let him walk, and only a minutely higher chance that a team will part with the proper talent to land a Top-10 player only to lose him in a couple months. 'Melo's going to be dealt to a team he's happy with and will commit to, but New York simply doesn't have the pieces (outside of Amar'e of course) to make much of an offer. Unless Denver's front office feels suicidally desperate, the market for a superstar gets Sham-Wowed, or the conspiracy theorists are all right, bet against the Knicks. Again.

- And finally, this week delivered the shocking revelation that, after months of relentless demonization, Lebron James would've handled The Decision differently. Really. No Shit. Because it went so smoothly, and everybody really agreed with how things played out. James said what we all wanted to hear, but after hating Lebron became a popular fad and the race card was played so stupidly, this admission seems kinda trite and results-oriented. It's the season now Lebron, let this be the end of the drama and let your play do the talking; it's what we'd all rather hear.

Here We Go Again...

2010-10-24T22:58:00.007-03:00

I fucking hate winter.

This isn't some kind of casual "this moron's driving ten under the limit!" or "that emo couple over in the corner of the library needs to lay off the heavy petting" half-hearted discontent, but unrelenting despising. The miserable bite of the cold. The mounds of emission-stained snow. The nasal congestion that always ensues. Exams. Term papers. Christmas carolers.....Ugh. It's nature's version of The English Patient; long, confusing and depressing. Half of me doesn't blame Bosh and Lebron for signing with the Heat if only to escape the chilly abyss.

Of course, as with most things in life, there's an upside to this shitty turn of events; when the weather falls off, it's a sure sign that the NBA season's not far away. Sure enough, in just under 48 hours the 2010-11 season will tip off, giving fans plenty of reasons to get excited:

10. The End of Baseball

Seriously. What a waste of time. A pointlessly long 160-game season, consisting of 98% stationary "athletes" who treat HGH like it's a column in their box score. Any "sport" in which a man in David Wells' physical condition can be an elite performer should be broadcast exclusively on ESPN3. Not a single one of us should be sad to see it go...And even if you are, don't worry, it's not like "Spring Training" doesn't start in f***ing February or anything.

9. Miami Brings the Heat

Some of us will love them, a lot of us will hate them, but all of us are going to have our eyes glued on South Beach this season. Like it or not, the Superfriends are gonna be the talk of the NBA. They're gonna hog beat writers, tabloids and highlight reels like Ben Gordon with the rock in the 4th quarter, but their situation will be compelling regardless of how it plays out. There's not much to be said about them that hasn't been a million times by any basketball fan, so let's just enjoy the show.

8. Being David Kahn

I have a very tough time figuring out how this guy manages to keep a straight face when he appears in public. I think it must be incredibly difficult to try and rationalize (to a large audience) your extended praise of - and financial commitment to - Darko Milicic, your unconstructive point guard hoarding or explaining your apparent side gig as Michael Beasley's drug counsellor, without at least smirking. Even deeper, I'm astonished that a look of unmistakable "...dude...they actually still haven't fired me!" disbelief isn't constantly plastered on his mug. As confounding as this is for me, after the summer saw him take on more dead weight and trade his best player for a pair of New Balances, the biggest mystery is going to be figuring out just what exactly Kahn's trying to do with his franchise.

7. Redemption Songs

Comebacks are always an essential part of a good season; guys who overcome any of many hurdles to get their once-derailed careers back on track. There's no shortage of potential this year, beginning with the well-chronicled woes of one Yao Ming. The Rockets center will be on the shortest of leashes as he delicately tries not to shatter the glass slippers that support his 7'6'' frame for the 328th, and potentially final time. Speaking of short leashes, Gilbert Arenas is back, ironically now at shooting guard, hoping to make it through an NBA season for the first time in five years. Hedo Turkoglu finds himself in an ideal system for his game after a season of utter embarassment in Toronto, and Blake Griffin will finally get a chance to suit up and bring some hope to LA's other team. Andrew Bogut aims to shake off a horrific arm injury, while Michael Redd tries to salvage his career, both would be key to Milwaukee's sudden rebirth...And then there's Greg Oden. Portland's wayward big man has averaged a whopping 20 games over his first 3 seasons, while his one-time draft rival is the trendy MVP favorite. Any of these stories having a happy ending would be an inspring touch to the season, but Oden's has to be the longshot.

6. Thunderstruck

Seats on the Oklahoma City bandwagon have reportedly been breaking sales records at Ticketmaster; everyone from analysts to casual fans seem to be rooting for the ahead-of-their-time Thunder, who appear primed to seize control of a homecourt seed out West. Seriously. The team that was sweeping up the heavy dust in the West basement 18 months ago grew up some fast. With Durant and Westbrook fresh off the most constructive basketball experience of their lives, this team reeks of upside and has a loud cheering section. OKC has quickly evolved from transplanted mess to media sweetheart, and just might become one of the NBA's best teams.

5. More Ron Artest

With every NBA season comes the renewed promise of more quality time with Ron Ron, and the complete lack of limits on the zany shit he might do. After he's done auctioning off his championship ring, there's no telling how Artest will behave as he grows accustomed to life On Top. Maybe he'll compensate with a crown during pregame. Hell, maybe he'll build a palace with his bare hands in the Staples Center parking lot and throw Hennessy parties at halftime. That's the thing with Ron though, he's the biggest box of chocolates Forrest Gump's mom ever bought, there's no telling what we're in store for, but bet on it being completely hilarious.

4. The Return of Court Surfing

Canadian television is horribly neglectful of the NBA, whose season unfortunately syncs perfectly with that of the omnipotent NHL. While hockey dominates most of the sports stations, quality NBA broadcasts are hard to come by. Not only are the habitually awful Raptors playing in over half the games, but the on-air personalities are bland, annoying, obviously Canadian. Breaking the mold cast by Rod Black and Jack Armstrong is the off-center hilarity of Sid Sixseiro and Tim Micallef, who host this weekly basketball ChatRoulette, hopping over to a new game when the current one gets boring. Sid and Tim layer the action with irreverent banter and goofy jokes, topping things off with Court Cuts, the greatest 3 minutes of the week.

3. Like Kobe

I hate going there with the Jordan comparisons, but Kobe Bryant's probably as close as we've seen to His Airness, and with a hand's worth of rings and a dynasty in the making, Bryant is approaching that Rare Air of finally living up to these lofty parallels. But at this point, can't we stop measuring him against the Greatest and just appreciate him as one of the best? We're going to be witnessing history; a crucial chapter in the epic tale of a once-in-a-generation player who always appeared to be jumping at a bar above his own lofty heights. As Kobe builds his impressive legacy, let's not call him Like Mike; let him be Kobe. The least he can ask for at this point in a legendary career is a name for himself.

2. ...Ever Heard of a Lockout?

Let us also not forget that this might be the last full season we get for a while. The players and owners appear to be miles apart on a new CBA, and a lockout of at least a few months is apparently inevitable. So let us all take moment to appreciate what we have, let us not take it for granted. I know it sounds corny, but believe me, next winter when you're stuck watching hockey and curling, seeing more of David Stern than Kobe, Lebron and Durant combined, you'll remember.

1. Behold, League Pass

And on a personal note, the roommates and I decided to splurge on a sports package, which includes my golden ticket to uninhibited NBA coverage.A ny game I want, any time I want. I'm literally shaking as I type this just thinking about it, I'm more excited than I've been since my parents took me to Disney World. On premonition alone, I'd urge any NBA fan to invest, especially Canadians who can save themselves from another season of ballet basketball and Leo Rautins. Or just roll by the crib and see how great it is; I'll be here all winter.

Sticks and Stones Break Bones...Apparently So Do Suitcases

2010-10-08T17:31:00.006-03:00

It's that time of year again; the leaves are falling, baseball's almost over (thank God) and Carlos Boozer's injured, yes the NBA season's just around the corner. It's shaping up to be a compelling season, with many stories surrounding a few great teams and the many who aspire to run with them someday. As always in October, there's plenty abuzz in the league, but before I get on with things, a salute is due to New York streetball legend John Strickland, who passed away in his sleep this week at just 38. Most recently an on-court and front-office player form my hometown Halifax Rainmen, his influence ran much deeper: (from the New York Post)

Strickland’s reach goes so far that even Miami Heat star Lebron James mourned his passing on his Twitter account saying: “R.I.P to homie Strick.”Finish Your Breakfast”. Roc Boyz in the building.” Strickland was mentioned in Jay-Z’s hit song Public Service Announcement in the line: “No one can do it better. I check cheddar like a food inspector. My homey Strick told me, ‘Dude, finish your breakfast.’... As a low-post wizard and a superb passer, he once averaged more than 40 points per game at Nike Pro City, considered the circuit’s primer league. Strickland became the first person to win a title there as a player and a coach when he led Gold’s Gym to the championship this summer.

Obviously a huge blow to the basketball community; I'd honestly heard that line hundreds of times, ignorant to it being about the same guy helping hold down my city's only link to pro hoops. Rest in peace Strick, all the best to his family and the Rainmen.

Back in the NBA, the Carmelo Anthony trade rumors that dominated the past couple of weeks have dissipated. After Melo showed up training camp denying any interest in a trade and saying he was perfectly happy, things curiously faded between the Nuggets and the indiscriminate list of teams they had been openly talking to. Based on the reported offers and the complexity of most deals, it sounds like the Nuggets are learning the hard way what Phoenix did every year for the last 3: It's hard to get legit return on a superstar. Denver's going to have to make a rather shitty decision pretty soon: (discounting the .006% chance Carmelo isn't completely full of shit and all these trade rumors are unfounded) either get lowballed for their franchise player or linger on with this imposition looming.

Carlos Boozer and Dwyane Wade have surprised few and vexed many injuring themselves already; Boozer's hand the apparent victim of a dreadedly sinister.....path-blocking suitcase. For some reason, most of the media attention has shone on Boozer and his repeated bouts with the chilling list, but Wade's spotty bill of health seems like a much more pressing matter for the Heat; the plan behind having him exert himself less doesn't seem to be producing the right outcomes. Miami's likely going to bring him back slowly and lose ground in what's sure to be an adjustment process; an injury was bound to happen but one this early, before they've developed any kind of momentum, is critical. Boozer's baggage is clearly a setback for the Bulls, but not only are the stakes not as high for them, plugging 'Los into their offensive scheme in a few weeks will be far easier than orchestrating the co-existence of the two most potent and ball-dominant scorer/distributers in the NBA.

The preseason tipped off with the usual Euroleague cross-promotion, only with their champs (FC Barcelona) knocking off the reigning Lakers. There have been alarms raised by pundits who see this as a cause for concern in LA, but c'mon really? This is the preseason, the rust is getting knocked off (along with a few spare players) and bench mobs are running wild. This isn't a tangible gauge of how teams will play, hell the Raptors are scoring blowout wins. Not only is international basketball getting better by leaps and bounds (like you didn't know), but most NBA teams, let alone the one with maybe the safest bet on playing 'til June, don't give a fuck a right now. Let's not make this into more than it is.

The NBA's annual GM Survey dropped last week, and apparently the high minds disagree with my title prediction, overwhelmingly picking the Lakers to 3-peat. Can't say I mind it. They'll be very, very tough, being not only extremely talented, but having poise on Boston, experience on Miami, and everything on just about everyone out West. I stand by my selection, but regardless of who comes out on top I feel like this is going to be a very competitive Finals; one to rival last year's, which is the only prediction I really care about getting right.

...And in unrelated news, the downward spiral of Steve Francis continues: the former All-Star, whose career arc took a curiously steep dip in the middle of his prime, was arrested yesterday at LAX for public intoxication. An altercation at a ticket counter led to police being called, and Francis posting $10 G's bail after the cuffs were slapped on, he was "intoxicated, unable to care for himself, and combative toward police". Nice to see you're enjoying retirement, Steve.

Call Rasheed Wallace, It's Prediction Time

2010-09-30T16:57:00.009-03:00

Training camps opened up league-wide a couple days ago, ringing in the beginnings of a new NBA season. Every basketball addict who spends the summer months struggling with few places to turn for a fix (there were even dry spots in this summer, which even more people were waiting on than Detox) savors this time of year; another eight months of the best hoops on the planet, and with a lockout on the horizon, maybe the last full season we'll get for a while.

With the preseason tipping off next week, this seemed like an ideal time to write up the Official Basketball Banter 2010-11 Preseason Predictions, my hopefully accurate insights about who's going to define the upcoming season. Before I begin, a quick confession: I think predictions are kinda stupid. As Tracy McGrady and Rasheed Wallace before us have proven, they're bold and falliable presumptions that we can see into the future and things will play out to our expectations...But man it's fun when you're right. Here goes nothing...

Rookie of the Year: John Wall, Washington Wizards

This is gonna be really tough. Both Wall and the belated Blake Griffin figure to be immediate impact players for teams that are supposed to be much better than last year. Griffin will surely bring solid rebounding and scoring help to a team that could use both, Wall's cieling is tremendous and his momentum much greater, having not just sat out an entire year. His dynamic with Gilbert will be fun to watch, but Arenas himself is coming off another season in suits, one that may have finally humbled one of the league's brashest personalities. If he cedes control to Wall's superior playmaking, it won't surprise me much, and might line the rookie up for this award and (!) maybe even a playoff spot in the suddenly wide-open bottom of the East bracket.

The Contenders: Blake Griffin, Demarcus Cousins, Evan Turner

Defensive Player of the Year: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

This is kinda obvious. Howard's a safe bet to lead the League in rebounds and blocks, which would make it very hard to argue against him come April. You know what to expect from D12, and although his numbers dipped slightly last year (party due to teams becoming increasingly wary of his presence), he'll be the most dominant post defender in the NBA this year, and by far the most automatic award prediction.

The Contenders: Josh Smith, Rajon Rondo, Andrew Bogut

Coach of the Year: Erik Spoelstra, Miami Heat

Trying to predict this award's a bit of a crapshoot; winning it involves improving a battling through injury and other roster adjustments, and generally getting more out of your players than was expected. Although said expectations are tremendous in Miami this year, Spoelstra seems like a good coach who's respected by his players and has a team talented enough to spark talk of a 72 win season. The NBA brass didn't shy away from giving Mike F***ing Brown the COY when the Cavs won 67 games, so if Miami dominates the regular season and doesn't get complacent, and Spoelstra manages three superstars well amid more media sctrutiny than any team before, it'll be tough to deny him.

The Contenders: Scott Brooks, Scott Skiles, Jerry Sloan

Most Improved Player: JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavaliers

Again, a tough one, simply because the guy who won it usually wasn't supposed to. "Improvement" often gets quantified by statisical margins when voters get down to it, and Hickson's an athletic beast who will have tons of minutes for the rebuilding Cavs after he destroyed Summer League and they lost their two centers (not to mention the biggest 3 in the league). With all the opportunity he'll have, it's hard not to see him becoming much more of a force by default; if his game's even a slight bit nicer than last year, it might be enough to lock this up for him.

The Contenders: Eric Gordon, Anthony Randolph, Goran Dragic

6th Man of the Year: Goran Dragic, Phoenix Suns

With Leandro Barbosa gone in Phoenix, Dragic becomes the de-facto backup in the rotation, who will see an increased presence as Father Time slowly creeps up on Steve Nash. Dragic likely won't start if the Suns are healthy, but he'll bring witty playmaking and dangerous scoring off the bench. Just ask the Spurs. He'll get plenty more time to shine, but with Nashty still playing at an MVP level, probably not enough to rule him out for this award.

The Contenders: Carl Landry (if he doesn't end up starting), Corey Maggette, Jamal Crawford

MVP: Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

The fate of the MVP award this year might hinge on Miami doing something historic. If the Heat win 70+ games, then Lebron or Wade is clearly going to be the MVP. In any other situation, their great seasons are likely to have a counter-productive effect on each other's chances, much like Shaq and Kobe in LA. Meanwhile, Durant is the poised leader of an improving team, fresh off a runner-up in last year's voting and a dominant romp at the Worlds this summer. The Thunder are sure to improve as they mature and under a player whose leadership has been highly touted, they will become a true force; an MVP-caliber team for a guy who's already got those letters written all over him.

The Contenders: Lebron James/Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard

East All-Stars: G - Dwyane Wade, G - Derrick Rose, F - Lebron James, F - Chris Bosh, C- Dwight Howard, Bench: Joe Johnson, Rajon Rondo, Paul Pierce, Gerald Wallace, Amare Stoudemire, Andrew Bogut, Carlos Boozer

West All-Stars: G - Chris Paul, G - Kobe Bryant, F - Kevin Durant, F - Dirk Nowitzki, C - Chris Kaman, Bench: Steve Nash, Deron Williams, Tim Duncan, Rudy Gay, Al Jefferson, Brandon Roy, Russell Westbrook

East Bracket

1. Miami Heat - Easy choice here. Their offseason remodeling was the most impressive makeover since She's All That. Everyone and their grandma has them atop the East.

2. Boston Celtics - They got older, but also deeper; there won't be as much of a strain on their frontcourt's hobbled bodies. Should win 50+ easily if they stay healthy.

3. Orlando Magic - A few questions surround them now after Vince and Rashard regressed so much last year and Dwight failed to become a lethal offensive presence. Still very dangerous, but not the team that made the Finals two years ago.

4. Chicago Bulls - Landing Boozer and Korver helped ease the burn of missing out on the big fish in the Free Agent pool. They'll be much improved with the new faces, the continued growth of Rose and Noah, and not having their coach and GM brawling in the locker room.

5. Atlanta Hawks - You have to wonder how much better this team can get, or if they'll be as hungry now that JJ's Paid in Full and they know they have no chance of winning the East.

6. Milwaukee Bucks - Regardless of Michael Redd's health, this team is well-rounded and young enough that they could still surprise a few people with their developments. Fear the Deer.

7. New York Knicks - They're much more suited to D'Antoni's high-scoring antics with Felton and Stoudemire joining Gallinari, and much deeper than last year. They were dreaming of what Miami got, but after what they put themselves through to get there, any step forward is big.

8. Washington Wizards - Forget the abysmal season they had last year. They've got Arenas back, will have John Wall running the point, a healthy Josh Howard and the continued beasting of Andray Blatche. They have several young guys with lots of potential, and a chance to make this re-building thing pretty quick and painless.

West Bracket

1. Los Angeles Lakers - Last year they were the best team in the West by a large margin with both their bigs missing long stretches. Then they got deeper. Why bet against them now?

2. Dallas Mavericks - Adding Chandler to a full season of Butler and Haywood might make this the best team Cuban's thrown together, certainly the toughest defensively. Chances are it won't be enough for that title though...

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - As Durant continues to torment Seattle basketball fans, this team will be served much more notice this year, but also might have the highest cieling of any squad in the NBA.

4. San Antonio Spurs - The Spurs were much unhealthier last year than they've ever been (funny how that comes with age) but with Parker and Ginobili allegedly back at 100%, they stand a good shot at homecourt.

5. Utah Jazz - Losing Boozer stings, but Jefferson's a proven scorer who can hopefully develop some defensive intensity to endear Jerry Sloan. They covered themselves pretty well.

6. Houston Rockets - Things kinda hinge on the health of their two star players, but if Kevin Martin and Yao Ming can stay on the court, they'll bring the postseason with them.

7. Portland Trailblazers - I've kinda given up on bloating this team's preseason hopes on the hope that Greg Oden can redeem himself. They've lost both their backup points, Travis Outlaw, and a lot of faith in their big man's long-term durability.

8. Memhpis Grizzlies - This is my gamble. History and logic both would suggest that something will go horribly wrong in Graceland this season, but they've certainly got the talent to get here.

East Finals: Heat over Celtics

West Finals: Lakers over Thunder

NBA Finals: Heat over Lakers. I don't wanna see this happen, but I can't help but think it will. A lot of people seem to underestimate the devastation that Dwyane Wade and Lebron James will cause on the same team. Throw Chris Bosh in the mix, add a bunch of veterans who wants titles and know their roles, this team has size, skill and experience in spades. They're gonna put on one hell of a show, one that even us who are rooting against them will have to appreciate.

Hate Me Now

2010-09-22T12:46:00.003-03:00

I consider myself to be a pretty good basketball fan. I'm not a stubborn monogomist or a bandwagon hopper, but someone who can apprecaite different things about many NBA teams. I root for few, love to (insincerely) hate on many, but really I just want what's good for the game. Despite this, I'm convinced that there's an undeniable curse haunting the on and off-court lives of any team or player I've dared to call my "favorite" and shown unwavering affection for.

It all started back in '94 when I first started watching ball. Being young and easily excitable, I naturally began worshipping Shawn Kemp, who aside from being pretty damn good, was the most reckless abuser of other players' egos with his high-flying antics. The Sonics were an awesome team who seemed destined for a title, but then things didn't work out for Michael Jordan and baseball, and his 72-10 Bulls beat them in the Finals. Kemp thus doubled his weight, started doing massive amounts of cocaine, and was traded to Cleveland, where nothing ever works out for basketball teams (more on that in a second). Then came the Portland Jailblazers; a colorful bunch of NBA misfits, led by my boy Rasheed, who just happened to have themselves in the thick of the championship hunt. Again, they seemed destined to win it all; up 19 on the Lakers in game 7 of the West Finals back when the East stood no chance at all. Then they missed a few shots, Shaq caught that alley-oop on Sabonis, and an imminent title faded into the distance as the Blazers gradually degenarated into an abyss of selfish basketball, bad contracts and petty crimes. Things just weren't working out, so as an NBA fan, I played the field for a while.

In 2000, Slam magazine ran a feature about some high school sophomore named Lebron James who was trying to get drafted as a 17-year old kid and actually being taken seriously. This kid immediately struck me with his poise and composure; he didn't seem like some insane dreamer, but a young man who was not only determined to be the best, but was actually good enough to do it. I didn't start building it quite that early, but in my mind I was already drawing up blueprints for LBJ bandwagon.

The rest writes itself; the Sports Illustrated cover at 17, the ESPN games, the unheard-of attention and promise that surrounded this kid swept up a nation that was already quick to call for his head over a couple of f***ing throwback jerseys (again, more on that in a second). My admiration for Lebron's game and character kept mounting along with the insane expectations, because no matter how high, he always managed to exceed them, keeping a smile on his face and doing the same for the millions who Witnessed. Even when his NBA career dawned, it seemed we just weren't ready for what he was capable of. Maybe leaving high school early wasn't so far-fetched.

As the rest continued to write itself, Lebron became one of the most loved and high-profile athletes in the World, garnering more attention from the media for not only his stellar play and emerging brand identity, but trivial crap like baseball caps and jersey numbers (what is it with us and this guy's clothing?). As the plot gradually churned leading up to this past summer, things were inevitably going to get very thick for Lebron. Whatever choice he made be dissected under the mass media's most powerful microscope, and signing anywhere but Cleveland seemed like PR suicide.

Thing is, the Cavs just weren't getting it done. Maybe all the hype and expectation finally got to Lebron's head, or maybe he was sick of being a one-man show and still coming up juuust short every year. Whateve the case (likely both), he wanted to win championships. Now. And he found a better opportunity in Miami than the Cavs could offer. Plain and simple. Yeah yeah, I know, "The Decision" was a pretentious, humiliating way to break up with Cleveland, but James gave them a fair window to build a winning franchise around him. Fact is, they brought in some big names, but the 2-12 men came up short in the playoffs every year and visibly frustrated a guy who just wanted to win.

Now that he's Decided to go after greatness, James has been a punching bag, hell a pinata, for fans, talking heads, and even the game's legends this summer. The curse struck again. Not only was James denied a title in Cleveland, but suffered the worst imaginable blow to his image for chasing one. There have been (albeit, some very accurate) misled, exaggerated, out-of-context and just plain stupid things said about the guy who so recently was a basketball hero. One slight screw up and someone we'd spent years adoring was a trendy target for unabashed hatred; like last year when Tiger Woods couldn't keep it in his pants, or like in Scarface when Manny couldn't either. There has been more Lebron hatred raining since mid-July than over his entire career beforehand, and all this before the Miami Heat have played a single game of basketball.

Can we all just fuck off already? All we've ever built Lebron up to be was great. Now he wants to be, and we throw him under the fastest, heaviest truck on the freeway? So what if he's doing it on our terms, leading a team from his hometown to the promise land? He spent half his career slaving to while the team around him came up short. He took a once-in-a-lifetime chance to chase his dream; not money, not fame - he's already got too much of both - but glory. Is that so shameful? We as an audience demanded so much from Lebron that we lost sight of the reality that his own ambitions and desires are what should matter to him. We've seen it happen with countless pro athletes; the bigger the star, the smaller the fuck-up, the larger the outlash; but with James things seemed misguided...All the guy wanted to do was win.

There's not much more that can be said about Lebron's summer that hasn't already been tossed around by jaded, angry and stubborn basketball fans. So let's forget about the offseason, fuck it, it happened, move on. I can't sincerely say that I'll be cheering for the Heat this year - it's hard to root for a team that has the odds stacked so heavily in their favor - but Lebron's going to have a pretty good shot at breaking the curse with the Dream Team the Heat are fielding. It will be exciting, perhaps historical basketball, and if the Heat don't win multiple titles it will surprise many of us.

Keep that in mind, Because it's easy and trendy to hate Lebron now, but it was also trendy (and much easier) to hate Kobe Bryant at one point, and ten times less fathomable that he'd bounce back. Let's let the Heat go do their thing for a bit; let this summer's madness subside. Don't forget that underneath this alleged monster is (arguably) the best basketball player alive. He's got a fresh team - one that's far more talented than any he's been on - and plenty of critics to silence. We can shower Lebron James in Haterade all we want, but when him and D-Wade have their own Court Cuts segment every week, when the Heat win 60+, and when the King can finally hoist the Larry O and rest easy on his throne, it'll be hard for him to feel a single drop.

A Coming of Age Story

2010-09-15T16:50:00.011-03:00

What's up everyone, I know it looks like I'm slacking, taking two weeks to get something new on here; the past little bit's been sorta hectic with moving into a new apartment stacked on top of the usual back-to-school routine. I spent last week throwing together a piece about the ten guys with the most important seasons coming up and thought I had posted it the other day, only to find that the same wonderful Blogger interface that religiously fucks up my paragraph spacing had instead deleted it. Having thrown several hours of my life down the toilet, my motivation to write an identical post all over again was shot, so I switched things up a little bit...

Every approaching NBA season brings a set of expectations and opportunities for eager players who have contracts to earn and reputations to establish. While players are hungry to make names for themselves and become stars in the league, they can also face lofty demands from fans, presure from coaches and front offices, not mention a wide-open door for media criticism and personal intrusion. There are a plethora of guys who'll face a crossroads of both this season; they seem to be on the verge of stardom, but are also in high-pressure situations that will allow little room for weakness. Here are the Top 10 whose games are going to have to grow up this season; some look much readier than others but this will be a defining season for every one of them.

Raymond Felton
Always an underappreciated point guard in Charlotte, Felton has found an ideal situation for his newly-turned leaf to land in. Not only is he the new quarterback of New York's much-anticipated NBA rebirth, he gets to run free under the loose reigns of a coach that traditionally churns top-notch performance out of point guards. Felton will experience not only greater exposure and potential stardom than were ever possible with the Bobcats, but the scrutiny of the NBA's most vocal (and fickle) fanbase and media. It's a volatile situation; the epitome of risk/reward, and Raymond Felton's implicitly signed himself up to be either a hero or a scapegoat.

Eric Gordon
Gordon landed a somewhat unexpected spot on Team USA this summer as the de-facto shooter on a team with few, but broke out with a surprisingly well-rounded gamle. He not only scored very well, but his strength at the 2 was an asset as a defender and rebounder, and benefited from being immersed in a far more constructive basketball environment than the Los Angeles Clippers have been. Thing is, it's supposed to be different this year. Blake Griffin's arrival, combined with Gordon's growth are supposed to elevate the Clips beyond their running punchline status and potentially into the playoffs. With those heightened standards comes the painful reminder that something will inevitably go wrong with this team - either the talent won't mesh or Donald Sterling won't cut the check to keep them together - but it's a safe assumption Gordon's stock will continue to rise.

Russell Westbrook
The Thunder clapped very loudly last season; a young franchise grew up far sooner than anyone had anticipated, scared the eventual champs in the first round, and are now counted among the best in the West. Their uprising can no doubt be blamed on the ridiculous antics of Kevin Durant, but Westbrook's maturity and increasingly steady hand are pivotal to this team as they round into form. Expectations will be much higher this year; not only will the Thunder be taking nobody by surprise but a further ascent up the Western heirarchy will be more trying than the leap they made last year. With a whole league on guard, Westbrook will be the key catalyst to OKC's success; we all know how Durant gets down, but Russ' continued emergence will be what pushes this team forward.

Andrew Bogut
Last season was Bogut's coming out party; helping Milwaukee get back to the playoffs and establishing himself as one of the best centers in the league. Although he's accomplished a lot, this season brings an even greater challenge for the Aussie, as the Bucks lost any element of surprise they had last year, along with (apparently) their franchise player. The task of leading this team will now fall upon point guard Brandon Jennings, but even moreso Bogut, after this team set the bar very high for themselves with last season's rapid development. He'll need to not only stay consistent, but healthy, as he'll be more important than ever to a Bucks team that knows it belongs in the playoffs and will be looked upon to continue growing.

Kevin Love
Expectations would already be high on a guy who had a standout performance on Team USA and an Entourage cameo in the same summer, but after winning gold and brawling with the Chase brothers, Love must now shoulder a heavy load as the new focal point of Minnesota's frontcourt. After the Wolves traded their best player for an N64 with one controller and a busted copy of Pilotwings, their awkward rebuilding will continue around Kevlar after an injury-plagued but extremely productive season. As this team struggles to find an identity, Love is a good fit; a hard worker who can score, defend, rebound excellently and passes incredbly well for a guy his size. His versatility will be tested routinely by a team that has 28 point guards, just inked Darko Milicic to a long-term deal, and is sure to be deficient in many areas. The dreadfulness will continue for the Wolves this year, but their franchise (and countless fantasy owners) has a lot riding on him now.

Rudy Gay

Another freshly-minted Team USA vet, Gay is also the proud new owner of a massive contract and the task of leading a Grizzlies team that people are actually taking seriously for once. In that sense, there will be lots of pressure on him to rise to the occasion, and '10-'11 will be a defining year for him. Gay's game has steadily grown into his freakish athleticism, but he will be looked upon for an increased presence from a team that's looking to build towards success. For once. The young talent Memphis has assembled is the best shot at long-term decency that this franchise has ever cobbled together, so after 16 years of sordid futility, here's hoping Gay can earn that top dollar.

Luis Scola

After an absolutely dominant performance at the World Championships, Scola's name will be ringing out much louder in across the NBA this season. His style's always been pretty low-key, grinding out solid numbers for Rockets squads that were short on (healthy) starpower after years of lamping over in Europe as the most sought-after talent outside the Association. Things are about to change. A lot of eyes will be on Houston this year as Yao Ming's career hangs in the balance. If Yao can stay healthy and be anything close to the player he was two years ago, the Rockets could shake things up out West and ...But if Yao gets injured (and he has a slight history of it happening), which could very well end his basketball-playing days, Scola will be of critical importance to a frontcourt that lost Trevor Ariza's athleticism and lacks size. If his play this summer carries over into the season, the playoffs and the All-Star game won't be far off.

Darren Collison
Last season, when Chris Paul took an extended injury leave, a rookie came out of nowhere and put on a very convincing impersonation in his absence. With CP healthy and a trade chip in hand, the Hornets dealt their young prodigy to basketball-crazed Indiana, where fans have become increasingly restless with irrelevant, boring and just plain awful teams. Something's bound to give soon - they can't be bad forever, I mean they're not the Clippers, right? - and Collison seems primed to do what TJ Ford's spine and Jamaal Tinsley's insanity couldn't accomplish. A legitimate point guard will go a long way in Indiana's rebuilding effort, and with an uncontested starting job, Collison's game should only continue to flourish.

JJ Hickson
There's not much point in sugar-coating it; the Cleveland Cavaliers are going to be pitiful this year. Not only has the wind completely been sucked out of their sails, but three important frontcourt players left a huge void that will give Hickson a chance to shine. After a season where he showed signs of star potential in limited minutes, he absolutely ate face in several summer league appearances. With O'Neal and Ilgauskas donning other jerseys will see plenty of time at the five for a team that is now very much in rebuilding mode. Meanwhile, this squad's performance is more important than that of the requisite crappy Cleveland sports franchise; a lot of eyes are on how they'll cope with Lebron's departure, especially after Dan Gilbert's embarassing public meltdown. Hickson looks like a Most Improved Player in the making and could be a huge part of any potential Cavs' redemption.

Andrea Bargnani
As basketball North of the border continues to move East of the Atlantic, the lanky Italian Toronto picked first in '06 with huge hopes for is suddenly in the in limelight as the new face of franchise following Chris Bosh's exit. "Bargs" or "Il Mago" (...fuck, somebody get this guy a new nickname) has shown flashes of brilliance since a disappointing sophomore campaign, and without Bosh he will be the focal point on offense; he'll have plenty of chances to feed the confidence his game thrives upon. What remains to be seen of Bargnani is if he can develop the toughness he'll need to lead this team, or perform consistently enough to be a legit go-to guy. With Canada's NBA existence decimated after losing a franchise icon, there will be a lot resting on this young man's ability to finally make the Raptors look smart for drafting him, and hopefully write a happier ending than Toronto's gotten used to.

"...Still a Whole Lot to Lose"

2010-08-31T18:08:00.004-03:00

..So what now? It seemed like the entire Association was on guard for years, eagerly awaiting the summer of 2010 and gutting their rosters for the best chance at cashing in on the free agent jackpot. Most of them now return to the drawing board with their hands empty and their dreams dashed, facing the very daunting task of competing with a potential dynasty in Miami to deliver the title their fans all hoped this offseason would help bring home.

As the aftershocks from a ridiculous summer begin to settle, so too does the reality that the Heat are going to be very difficult to contend with this year. Few people on any side of the argument think that anyone besides the current champs and maaaybe a healthy Celtics squad could realistically beat them, and the teams with even a remote chance at doing so can be counted on a single hand. What for the past few seasons had looked like a wide open title chase is suddenly an exclusive endeavor that few teams will even catch a glimpse of.

Despite this cold new frontier, those that won't be playing for a championship will still have lots to lose, if not little to win. Without even mentioning a potential lockout, there's plenty of reason for urgency in many NBA cities; everything from plummeting profits and attendance to unhappy superstars and reputations to protect. Even in the ominous shadow of the league's best teams, the pressure will be immense and the outcomes potentially devastating. Someone's bound to get the worst of it, so giving some benefit of the doubt to the champs and the heir apparents (who, despite having a title to defend and expectations higher than Method Man to meet, are clearly on top of things), here are the ten teams with the most on the line this year:

10. Houston Rockets
Eight years ago, the Rockets drafted Yao Ming first overall in the hopes that he would be a dominant big man and ambassador of a game whose popularity was exploding in his native China. They managed to build a solid cast around he and T-Mac, every season promising a title run to its fans, every season ended prematurely by a fatal array of injuries to their stars. While Yao's done admirably when able, the toll that a decade of non-stop basketball (thanks to ridiculous offseason demands from the Chinese national team) took its toll on his brittle body, keeping him on the chilling list for large slumps of his career. This season will be his most important ever, as Yao, his doctors, and the Rockets all point to another injury being the end of his career. If he stays healthy, pairing him with Kevin Martin will give the Rockets an offensive punch they sorely lacked all last year and surely put them in the West playoffs, but if Yao succumbs to his ailments, we'll have lost a great talent, and Rockets season ticket holders will have been stymied yet again.

9. Detroit Pistons
Not only is this team struggling to keep their heads above water in the East, their fan base grew tired of stale, crappy basketball last season and attendance at Pistons games sank like employment rates in Michigan during the recession. Things have gone from good to bad deplorable too quickly in disinterested and economically-challenged Motown; the once Shaft-esque front office smoothness of Joe Dumars has become as coarse as the sandpaper his balls will soon meet after the bandsaw. Drafting Darko Milicic in the deepest class ever, trading your franchise player inexplicably for a reputed selfish tyrant, signing two third-tier talents to half your team's cap space to have them come off the bench...this is not the kind of decision making that builds winning teams or keeps people their jobs. If Dumars isn't able to put the brakes on this disaster very soon, he might be thrown on the grenade, but even that should do little to prevent this entire team from being blown up if they don't improve vastly. Don't count on it happening.

8. Toronto Raptors
The other squads on this list are rolling the dice on more tangible assets like players and season ticket holders. The Raps come into this season still reeling from their franchise icon's unceremonious exit, facing the implicit task of carrying an entire country's waning basketball interest on their shoulders. Well over half of the games broadcast on Canadian cable tv feature Toronto (...can't wait for this League Pass subscription), meaning most of the basketball we're being exposed to is flimsy, uninspiring crap that's sure to only get worse after RuPaul wasn't traded at the deadline, the team crashed their 5th seed into the lottery over the final 25 games, and he inevitably left. Canadians who (relatively) have little connection to the NBA beyond this shitstorm won't forever hold interest in a team that perpetually loses too many games and All-Star talents (don't forget about T-Mac) for nothing at all. Expectations won't be very high for this team, but the pressure has to be mounting for Toronto to at least come close to meeting them.

7. New York Knicks
What was once basketball's undisputed holy ground became its laughing stock over the last ten years as the Knicks took stupidity to new heights both on and off court. Their salvation was supposed to have arrived this past summer, but endless rumors, perennial tanking, and relentless hope amounted to only marginal improvements and a sense of uncertainty. Not only is this team's range of potential success as wide as any other's in the East, the swirling rumors of Chris Paul and Melo's interest now torment a team that just spent four seasons tanking for Lebron and probably came nowhere close to getting him. If the team plays well and the Knicks can lure both, or even one of their targets, then this year will be a success...If things don't play out so well, the basketball-crazed Garden regulars and boisterous media could turn on this team quickly and be a negative catalyst to any even slight progress. They have the largest window of opportunity of all these teams, but their situation can also become the most volatile if they don't capitalize on it; they haven't done much to make up for the past decade so far.

6. Orlando Magic
It was a summer of slight setback in Orlando; one where the competition got much, much better, and the Magic struggled to stay in neutral, losing Matt Barnes and overpaying to keep JJ Redick. Vince and Rashard aren't getting any younger, Jameer's health is becoming an annual concern, and Dwight's offensive game actually regressed last year as he was frustrated by incessant fouling and forced to earn more of his points at the stripe. Especially now in the imposing shadow of their stateside rivals, things aren't so sunny in Orlando; even Stan Van Gundy's been admitting to the media that the Heat are virtually unbeatable. He might just be trying to motivate his team, but they'll be hard pressed to make it back to the Finals with this squad. Having few big names they'll be willing to or able to trade, and a bloated payroll that will brutally handicap their ability to maneuver, this team will just have to dig deep and exceed all expectation to protect their contender status and prove their coach wrong.

5. New Orleans Hornets
Now that Lebron James is no longer in Leveland, Chris Paul holds the honor of being the single most important player to his team's success in the entire NBA. That he's publicly unhappy with the state of the franchise has to be of concern to a front office in a small, challenged market. The Hornets will have a difficult time being relevant in a city that just won a Super Bowl and a country that (not to sound insensitive) is further removed from the devastation of Katrina, if Paul ends up forcing his way out. It would be easier for Shawn Kemp to get hired at Planned Parenthood than it will be for New Orleans to get equal return on CP3, so being forced into dealing the league's best point guard could be devastating. They'd better hope Trevor Ariza's really that answer nobody expects him to be and the potential of Peja's expiring deal is enticing enough for Paul Wall to stay...But who honestly believes it is?

4. San Antonio Spurs
For the first time since Tim Duncan's rookie season, (think about it, this was back when we all thought baseball players were honest athletes, had no clue who Britney Spears was, and thought the World was going to end because of a misplaced computer digit) the Spurs are a few steps removed from the title conversation. They lucked out into landing one of the best big men ever and have milked four championships out of him, but face a serious crossroads this year with their often-injured trio of stars (especially Duncan) on aging legs, their competition getting much tougher, and their roster virtually unchanged from last season. Rebuilding seems almost unfathomable and probably too drastic, but something's gonna have to give here before Timmy D's knees do. Another title's out of the question, and last year's team gave little reason to suggest a slight-shake up's a bad idea.

3. Dallas Mavericks
It's hard to fault the Mavs. They've upgraded what was already one of the best rosters in a deep Western pool and should easily win 50 games this year while being cheered on by a raucous home crowd...But beneath that sugar-coating, this Dallas team is a perennial playoff disappointment that faces an ever-shrinking window to win a title. Disco's failed more often than succeeded with assorted arrays of talent around him, and Mark Cuban's undivided attention - the catalyst that elevated this franchise from lottery doldrum to playoff staple - is clearly wandering after numerous attempts to buy other teams. Like the Spurs, they're too good of a team to be rebuilding, but their feeble playoff track record only increases their need (and unlikelihood) to outperform teams that are simply much better than them to finally get that elusive title. Another first round exit would almost certainly amount to the end of Dirk's status as a franchise player, and the tossing of this roster into the proverbial blender.

2. Denver Nuggets
The Nuggets faced a tragic obstacle last year when a terrific campaign was derailed by coach George Karl's second bout with cancer, almost directly coinciding with a nose dive that ended their season far earlier than they'd hoped. With Karl's health hanging in the balance, an already delicate situation was suddenly dropped on the pavement when stories of Carmelo Anthony's imminent departure began surfacing. Denver now must placate their displeased franchise player, while trying to move him in a market that's ulikely to return equal value, working against a ticking clock that every other GM is aware of. So while the careful maneuvering continues and 'Melo plays the waiting game, the Nuggets and their fans are consumed by uncertainy, knowing only for sure that their best player wants out. For a team that's a lock for homecourt in the West at full strength, this is no way to start the season.

1. Boston Celtics
More than any other team in the NBA, the Celtics are built for the right now. Although their best player's barely grazing his prime (and to think three years ago he was a potential liability), this team's core is more susceptible to injury and age than anyone else's. Vulnerability to fatigue and fragility only heightens the urgency of this being perhaps their last shot at another title with the seniors' squad. This team went through a vicious mid-season down swing, but entered the playoffs armed with full health and their A-game, silencing critics and supposedly better teams with a defiant run to within an untimely injury and some Ron Artest (?!?!?!?!) heroics of a title. That bitter ending should only serve as motivation on what will be a very difficult road through Miami and/or LA; the Celts probably feel as though they need to redeem themselves, or at least Kevin Garnett has probably frightened them into believing it. Not that they need any extra motivation. This season could likely be the final shot at the Finals, the last chance for this crew to build their legacies and probably the last time the Celtics will be this close to contending for a while.

...So...It's Been A While...

2010-08-23T18:55:00.005-03:00

About four months ago, I abruptly and inexplicably stopped writing Basketball Banter, right before awards season, the playoffs, and of course the Free Agency Saga. Admittedly, my timing sucked but for the first time in my life, I just got sick of writing. I had spent weeks logging full days of incessant typing; pounding out term papers that were left far too late, "proofreading" essays for friends, and trying to throw enough stuff on here to keep things interesting. Writing was consuming my life; lines and letters were beginning to blur as words slurred and the monotony chewed at my brain. So when school ended I took a pretty impulsive break from any kind of scribing. We needed some time apart,

Over this hiatus, I've given much thought to the on-again, off-again nature of this site. It's something I love doing, but it has too often succumbed to the other stuff going on in my life, even when things needed to be said. I watched Lebron fail. I watched the cement harden around Kobe's legacy. I watched the most turbulent offseason ever wreak havoc on the NBA's balance of power and make a bold stroke in its history books. And I didn't write a word. The summer was no time to re-commit myself to writing as almost every minute I wasn't working, sleeping or at a poker table was spent enjoying the scarce Canadian summer with friends, a blunt, and a brew. Despite this, my insides were searing at the prospect of chiming in on what was unfolding. The time apart was tough.

After much hesitation and deliberation, and with the summer gearing down into another school year and eventual NBA season, I've decided to make a firm, more sustainable commitment to the Banter. You're not going to see any more of the regular features like the Power Rankings or the short-lived Water Cooler, nor am I going to be putting out several hundred words every day or two. I'm going to try and stay as on-point as possible, but with school, work and habitual gambling on the go, the time for irrelevant blogging just might not always be there. There's never a shortage of Banter-worthy issues around the Association though, so stay familiar, better yet, invest thirty seconds into signing up for Blogger. You'll be able to post comments, chirp me and call me out when I'm wrong, suggest ideas and generate some discussion about a sport we're all huge fans of. Why not?

So here we stand, four months removed from my last post but worlds apart from the NBA we once knew. After the most eventful playoffs and offseason I've ever witnessed, things done changed. Most notably, the Miami Heat have evolved from solo act to omnipotent juggernaut. Pat Riley's going to be unanimously voted GM of the Year after loading up his roster with title-hungry veterans who will flank three of the league's consensus top ten players on a potential dynasty unlike any we've seen. Shrewd move, but as a basketball fan, I have to hate it for so many reasons: the alleged pact these guys made to sign together, that boisterous unveiling party for their Big 3, the stupid talent edge they've given themselves over pretty much all competiton. It's going to make the NBA a lot less competitive and a lot less fun, especially if stars begin aligning against them like the rumoured Melo and CP3 union with Amare under the Garden lights. So yeah, fuck the Heat. I don't care if Lebron plays for them. I'll still enjoy him as a basketball player but it's impossible for me to appreciate the titles he'll eventually no doubt win in the way I wished I could.

...As far as the rest of what's unfolded over my prolonged absence, here's a not-so-objective look at the summer's winners, losers and everything in between:

THE BIG LOSERS: If you're here, you're up shit's creek, without a paddle, while on several pills.
The City of Cleveland - The Cavaliers sure took a loss; they fell from contenders to fringe lottery team and had their owner add insult to his own injury with a foolish Comic Sans rallying cry to Cavs fans that got him fined and essentially guaranteed a superstar will never sign with a team he owns. But the whole city was shaken by Lebron's eloping; a legion of fans who've faced years of bitter sports disappointment were let down yet again, this time by one of their own.

The Toronto Raptors - Losing your franchise player to free agency on less-than-ideal terms is never a great way to start the season, but after the bitterness of the Bosh breakup, Toronto had looked to have made a shrewd trade with the Bobcats to significantly upgrade their depleted frontcourt....Until Michael Jordan realized he was being completely screwed and vetoed the trade at the last second, marking his first competent front office move since relinquishing his control of the Washington Wizards.

Allen Iverson - He desperately wants to play basketball for a living but might have burnt his last bridge in the NBA. Teams are denying interest in he embattled former MVP left, right and center while the offseason countdown nears one month and free agent dollars are being spent very Jewishly.

Chris Bosh - In the capitalist, machiavellian sense of things, Chris Bosh is a winner. He raised his precious profile immensely by signing an obscenely large contract to play a game he loves professionally for a very good team with his two best pals in a balmy tax-free paradise. In the moral, "don't be an idiot" sense of things, Chris Bosh lost the respect and admiration of myself and just about anyone else who isn't a pretentious douchebag. His entire free agency - peppered with inflammatory and immature Twitter updates - was an admitted charade, documented by a film crew almost as large as his ego, only to later remark on his lame-ass Twitter account that the "attention was nice". What a nine year-old girl. Ride Dwyane and Lebron's jock all the way to the title homie, a whole legion of fans now know you're a fucking dweeb.

THE WOSERS: As the name implies, this group are part winner, mostly loser.
The New York Knicks - Amare Stoudemire and Raymond Felton? That's it? The Knicks had spent years preparing for this free agent bonanza and although they're unquestionably a better team, they have to feel like they fanned on this one. New York put all its eggs in the ability of its bright lights to attract the biggest stars, and built this offseason up to be something much bigger than it was. Regardless of what happens over the next twelve months with the Knicks having money to spare and All-Stars imminently on the move, I'm feeling slightly cheated right now if I'm a Knicks fan. Right now, any hope of Melo or CP3 is all speculation, which this team just proved will always surround them, but not necessarily amount to much.

Tracy Mcgrady - He found a job, but the murky quagmire Detroit's bogged down in isn't exactly an ideal place for a struggling superstar to revive his career. He'll be looked upon to mentor the tumultuous youngsters he'll compete for minutes with, himself having never been much for veteran savvy, coming off another injury with more than ever to prove. All the best...

Byron Scott - Again, he's probably happy just to have a job in the NBA, but you can't help but feel bad for a guy who hears the most coveted free agent ever say the team who just hired him days ago has an edge for his services, but will instead be relying on the decrepit remains of the most depressed team in pro sports.

THE JURY-HANGERS: Sometimes you just can't tell...

Lebron James - ...and then there's this guy. Hearing that Bron was going to announce his free agency decision on an hour-long TV special was pretty lame. Hearing my favorite player say he was leaving his hometown squad to form a seemingly unfair triumvirate of NBA dominance broke my heart. I felt like he took the easy way out, and largely still do (many I've spoken to agree) but it's easy to criticize when we haven't spent years going all out for a team that utimately didn't give anywhere near as much back. Lebron carried the Cavs deep into the playoffs several times with meager surroundings that were hastily thrown together in several desperate attempts to convince him Cleveland didn't suck all that much after all. He re-signed with them a few years ago and gave them a fair window to assemble a dynasty for him, something Danny and Dan were unable to deliver.

Now entering the prime of his career, Lebron wanted to truly carve out a niche in the game's annals and had clearly grown tired of individual dominance leading to mild team success.
In Miami, he's already given up money and roughly 1/3 of the spotlight for a chance to win multiple rings, but he's also given up a piece of his own legacy; he'll never fulfill the prophetic promise of leading his hometown team to a title, and now when he inevitably wins one (several?) people are already willing to toss up an asterix. Alongside these other superstars, he'll never be the hero he once was and could've become. In the same fell swoop, he became one of America's most hated athletes, perceived by millions as a diva who deserted the Cavs like a rich businessman who has a mid-life crisis and dumps his devoted wife for some bombshell who's half her age.

You could really say pretty much anything you want about Lebron James after this offseason and I'd have a hard time disagreeing. That being said, there are many facets to his complex scenario that made his Decision more difficult than any most of us will ever have to make, it's tough to relate to. Always a very polarizing figure, Lebron's only escalated his own status with this move as the Heat will undoubtedly be the talk of the NBA; they will be the most exciting team, the most featured on TV, and probably just the best, but they will also be -by a very wide margin - the most hated on. Ultimately if Lebron's Decision becomes dynastic, I'll be happy for him, but will anybody have expected any less?

Chris Paul - Maybe it's just me, but I have a feeling this guy's days in New Orleans are still numbered. His feelings about the state of the franchise changed suspiciously quickly a few weeks ago after he had apparently demanded a trade, and after watching how Phoenix completely fucked up Amare's delicate situation (and nobody say a word about them "saving money", you know what they did with that "saved money"? They acquired The Artist Formerly Known as Hedo Turkoglu for 44 millions dollars.) New Orleans and Paul would both do well to play this out while creating the impression that he's not leaving. Gone by the deadline, I'm taking bets at even money.

Amare Stoudemire - I guess the prayers of a single NBA fan who loves watching large, clumsy oafs get put on posters and Highlight of the Night reels wasn't enough as Lebron and Amare wound up on different squads, again. Stoudemire now finds himself the centerpiece of New York's much lauded rebuilding effort; the face of the Mecca. He'll once again play for the coach who he blew up under and the Knicks will be a playoff team again. Still though, after he was left out of the Miami party and remains the only star on this team, Stoudemire's summer wasn't exactly ideal...Then again, if rumours become truth and two more elite talents are ready to join him, he might come out on top of this whole mess.

Joe Johnson - Straight up, the man got paid. 126 million is a very large number, especially for a guy whose last significant basketball was an embarassing disappearing act. Johnson's re-upping makes it that much more difficult for an Atlanta team that's nowhere close to contention to maneuer towards a title. Clearly he's happy being the man on a competitive team, and the Hawks are happy to have him back after years of pathetic teams and apathetic fans, but the sad reality is that the franchise's appartent commitment to winning still probably won't amount to more than a first round dismissal.

The Chicago Bulls - Well, they finally did it; they got Carlos Boozer. The potential opportunity cost of not getting him sooner could have the Bulls front office hurting worse than Vinny Del Negro after his boss beat him up and fired him in the same trimester. The pieces were all in place for Chicago to land either Lebron or hometwon hero Dwyane Wade, (a large part of me still firmly believes that James' best choice would've been to join an unreal Bulls roster and write his chapter of NBA history in MJ's own city, creating a four-way battle for East supremacy against his South Beach buddies and two teams against whom he has playoff vendettas to settle. But that would've been too much fun) and although they're still likely a homecourt team in the East, does anybody see them winning even one against the Heat? The magnitude of what Miami did this offseason cannot be underestimated, which brings me to...

THE WINNERS: Pat Riley and Dwyane Wade
Whether by secret plot and careful planning or convenient development, these two engineered a completely unanticipated coup that turned the entire sports world on its head and immediately vaulted the Miami Heat from the middle of the Eastern Conference to the top of the NBA. It's been mentioned before but bears repeating: two of the three most talented players in the league now play on the same team, along with one of its best big men. They are flanked not by young scrubs like last year's Heat, but complementary and title-hungry veterans who will likely know their roles demand little attention; seeking rings, not money or fame. They are an assembly of talent arguably unrivaled in the NBA's entire history and they will quite likely change the game as we know it.

Riley is adding a compelling layer to what was already one of basketball's most accomplished resumes. A former NBA standout who's coached three teams to finals appearances will now add a GM of the Year trophy and quite realistically several rings to the three he already owns. His status as the don dada of front office tactics is currently unquestioned as his legend growth cruises on autopilot. In hosting the free agent party, Wade became this summer's unquestioned on-court winner. He calmly, discretely went about the process and helped reel in the two biggest catches for his franchise. Yes, HIS franchise. Make no mistake about it, even amidst Lebron and Bosh (both of whom also took a giant hit in the eyes of their fans, while Wade came out looking like the true hero), this will always be Dwyane Wade's team. He was the one who put them on his back and won them a title when his new teammates' squads were still grappling with mediocrity, the one who was tempted with the World by several teams and not only chose to stay but to give Heat fans something truly special to witness. If you're not either of these guys, you're not on top of the game right now....

Unless you're Kobe Bryant. Lost in all this summer hoopla is the stern reality that Miami's road to the title still goes through the NBA's most cold-blooded assassin who just copped a fifth ring and a clean bill of health for the first time in two seasons. He's no doubt freshly motivated to take on the Superfriends; I can already envision him running suicides in a dark, empty gym with a demented fire in his eyes and that stupid Miami welcoming party playing on a TV nearby. Regardless of the Free Agency Odyssey's final chapter, Bryant is the NBA's king right now. His fifth title moves him ahead of Shaq and levels him with Magic and Kareem (in purple and gold at least); many are now making the serious and legitimate argument that he's the greatest in a very long line of great Los Angeles Lakers. It's funny how shit turns out. Fourteen years ago, Kobe Bryant was the naive high-schooler who wasn't ready for the NBA, ten years ago he was the Jordan wannabe who could never live up to the hype, six years ago he was the alleged rapist who spurned a dynasty, and just three years ago he was the selfish teammate who couldn't stand his shallow surroundings and needed to be traded. The hate has rained on Bryant his entire career - his fucking hometown even booed him as the All-Star MVP - but his indomitable work ethic and respect for the game has ultimately turned him into such an excellent player, and winner, that all we can do is respect his shine.

Some are saying if he beats the Heat he might be the greatest of all time. I think I speak for most of us when I wish him the sincerest of luck. Only two months 'til the season tips off...